


If You Don't Love Me, Pretend

by phantasticworks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, BBC Producer!Phil, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Foster Care, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood, School Counselor!Dan, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 230,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticworks/pseuds/phantasticworks
Summary: All his life, Dan has wanted to have the chance to be a parent someday. He would be the best parent that ever existed, he was sure of it. Fostering might not be the most traditional way on the road to parenting, but Dan's dead set on doing it anyway. But, well, it would be easier with a co-parent, right?the bed-sharing, fake relationship, friends-to-lovers, parent fic i was desperate to read; when i shouted into the void and was met with silence, i decided i'd do it myselftitle from Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 766
Kudos: 507





	1. A Note for the Readers

**Author's Note:**

> title from A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope.  
> edited by the lovely Blue.

How pretentious for me to show up here with an author's note, right?

Well.

I'm only bothering with this because this story has been a long time coming. I started writing this in December of 2018, and here I am now posting the first chapter of many (the exact number isn't set, but, I assure you this will not be a short read). This story means a lot to me for several personal reasons but on a much lighter note, I looked at the phanfiction currently available and thought to myself, "I'd like a bit more parent!phan, if I'm honest. And a fake relationship never hurt anyone, right?" And rather than be patient or, I don't know, get a life, I have spent the better part of the last year of my life pouring my heart into this story.

But, I digress.

The real hero of this whole experience is undoubtedly someone I have come to love and cherish very dearly. Blue, this whole story would be nowhere without you. Like, literally. I trusted my baby (my very overdue baby) with you, and you smoothed out every rough edge and made it into something that I am so so so proud to share with the internet. With every edit party you shaped this story into something worth reading (in my personal opinion) and along the way you've validated every aspect of my writing that I was shy about. Not to be dramatic, but you've made me a better writer and I'll love you forever and ever and probably even longer. Thank you <3.

Now, onto the story. 

I've really always had an interest in foster care and the way it works, but that being said: I am not an expert. I have done research for hours and hours but as things go with works of fiction, I've taken creative liberties for my plot. Not all of this is hyper-realistic, and I'm sorry if that's annoying. However, I did make a conscious effort to be realistic and factual with most things, especially statistics. Also, I'm not British, so a lot of what I know from foster care is based in the American system. Basically, there are things in this story that you may find unrealistic, but I've tried to keep some sense of realism as the topic of child neglect/abuse and foster care is something very close to me on a personal level, and is something I want to treat with respect, even in a fictional setting. 

I hope anyone reading this enjoys it and I hope you find that it is my best work to date (again, thank Blue for this)

xoxo


	2. Chapter One

If there was one thing that Dan had learned while working within the education system is that life sucked; and if you’re a kid, it seems to suck a lot more, just behind closed doors. He didn’t know if he was just jaded because he was an adult, and therefore life seemed to suck endlessly for him, or if it was because of the job he was stuck in. Being a school counselor hadn’t been exactly where he thought his career was going, but it was a job and it paid the bills, so he stayed.

That’s not to say he was unhappy with his job. Quite the opposite, actually, because if there was one thing he enjoyed, it was being useful, and helping students sort out what they wanted out of their lives felt like being useful to him. But, like every job, there were things he didn’t enjoy about it, specifically how hard it could be some days.

Today was one of those days.

A student, a sophomore girl called Charlotte, had come into his office during her study hall. He hadn’t been at all prepared for the conversation that followed.

“What’s up, Lottie? How’s band going? Did you land the flute solo in the winter showcase?” He had said cheerfully as he ushered her inside.

She shifted awkwardly in her seat, never taking her eyes off the floor, which was strange, even for a shy girl like Charlotte. “Um, yeah… Yeah, I got the solo, but I…” She begins mumbling, ducking her head down so that he can’t understand a thing she’s saying.

“Charlotte? What’s going on?” He spoke softly and encouragingly, not wanting to pressure her, but wanting her to be honest with him if there was something bothering her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dan studying the shaking girl for a few beats before he realized she was crying. He quickly pushed the box of tissues towards her, encouraging her to take one. “I…” She starts quietly, choked up.

“Charlotte,” he speaks gently, causing her to look up at him, her eyes red and watering. “I can’t read your mind, sweetheart. I won’t know how to help if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” He gestures to the tissues before settling back in his chair slightly. “Take your time, just know I’m here to listen.”

It’s a few agonizing moments of silence before she finally speaks. When she does, it’s not what he’s expecting in the slightest. “They’ve been hurting me.” Her voice is almost entirely inaudible, but Dan catches it in the complete silence of the room anyway, although after he processes what she’s said he wishes he hadn’t.

“Who?” he asks, swallowing around the growing lump in his throat uncomfortably as he tries desperately to hope that she doesn’t mean what he thinks she means. He had been expecting bullies in her classes, or a break up, or maybe even just bad grades. He had not been prepared for this.

“My mum’s boyfriend… and, well, I guess her too…” She trails off, but her eyes immediately snap back up to his. She rushes to clarify, “she hasn’t touched me, but she...”

Dan clears his throat, straightening up in his seat. “What does she do when he does this?” He asks gently, his voice serious.

Charlotte looks down again, her blonde hair falling over her face, before whispering, “Nothing. She does nothing.” She’s fully crying again, and he suddenly realizes she’s got a hand covering her wrist tightly. He gets a horrible, sick feeling in his stomach as he rises, moving around the desk to sit beside her.

“May I?” He asks softly, gesturing to her hand.

She studies him for a moment before nodding hesitantly. She tugs the sleeve of her shirt up slowly, and Dan suddenly feels himself go lightheaded. There are purple markings all around the wrist of her left hand, and he can tell there’s some further up her arm.

He clears his throat twice before speaking, trying to recall exactly what he needs to do. Call the police, for one. Child abuse was entirely illegal, obviously, and since she came to him with the information voluntarily he had to report it to the authorities. He hated to think about what kind of effect it would have on her, though. He’d been reading up on foster care more and more recently, as he had always wanted to do it himself, but he was sickened to think that this girl might end up in a bad home.

“We’ll have to report them to the authorities. You’ll have to tell them exactly what you’ve told me. Do you think you’ll be able to do that?” Dan asks her seriously, watching her face for any signs of regret or fear. Surprisingly, she does look frightened, but almost determined, too.

“Yes. I have to. My brother… my little brother got…” She bites her lip, which had been trembling furiously the whole time. Dan hands her another tissue and gently rubs her back in a soothing pattern. “He got hit last night. I can’t… I can’t let that happen again.”

Dan nearly chokes, his own eyes beginning to water. He had met her little brother Andrew at the beginning of this year when Charlotte had gotten in trouble for being late for school. She was walking him to the primary school just across the street since their parents had just dropped them both off at the secondary school building. When one of the teachers on duty saw this, he’d had a fit and tried to give her a detention, but Dan had stepped in and suggested that maybe they look at it from a different angle. The child had been terrified and clinging to Charlotte the whole time, thinking it was his fault that his sister was in trouble.

He was so furiously against any kind of child abuse or neglect, and the idea that her sweet little brother, who was barely six years old, had gotten hit by this man… well, it made Dan sick. He tried not to show his emotions to the girl, since he was supposed to be the mature, responsible adult in this situation.

“You’re very brave for telling me about this, Charlotte. I just want you to know that this is going to be difficult, but you did the right thing. I’m going to get Mrs. Pentland and let her know that we’ll be calling the police. Can you sit in here until I get back?” He asks the girl, rising from his seat when she nods slowly.

Just as he’s walking towards the door, she speaks up again. “Can I…” She stood up unsurely, and without her even speaking, Dan knew that she just needed a hug.

“Of course,” He said gently, wrapping his arms around her. He gently patted her head, his heart breaking as she cried in his arms. He hated this part of his job, seeing kids so young being so hurt.

“Thanks.” She whispered when she finally stepped away, rubbing under her eyes. “Really. Thank you, Mr. Howell. I don’t think I would have been able to tell anyone else.”

Again, Dan’s heart broke for her. He didn’t let her see that, instead smiling briefly and reminding her he’d be right back before stepping into the hallway to find their headmistress and let her know what had happened. He takes a minute to be fifteen again, hear the boom of his father’s voice and doors slamming, hard, before shuffling down the hall, off to do his job to the best of his ability.

~~~

When Dan finally manages to leave work that evening, he’s exhausted. The talk with the police and the case worker who had come along was long and tiring, but more so for Charlotte and her brother Andrew, he was sure. He felt awful about the whole thing, but sadly it was out of his hands. The case worker told him it was likely that they would be removed from the home and placed either with a family member or in a foster home. He tried his best to argue with her, saying that there was no way they could know if the foster home would be any better.

She subtly told him to mind his own business.

As he’s shoveling his papers into his messenger bag, his phone beeps with a text. He’s unsurprised to see that it’s from his best friend.

**_Phil: Mario kart marathon tonight?_ **

**_Phil: I’ll buy pizza_ **

Dan barely smiles at the message, but he’s too tired for any gaming. Pizza, however, did sound good. He texts him back before he finishes gathering his things.

****_Dan: raincheck on mk but dominos sounds good_**** ****** **

Dan’s not even surprised when his phone beeps again less than a minute later.

******_Phil: uh oh_ ** ** ** ****** **

********_Phil: Rough day?_ ** ** ** ** ******** ** **

**********_Dan: you have no idea_ ** ** ** ** **

His phone doesn’t immediately go off again, so he finishes gathering up his things and heads out, locking the door to his office on the way. He’s unsurprised to see that Louise, the headmistress and one of his close friends, had already left for the day. She had two kids, one being a new baby, so he wasn’t surprised that she had wanted to get home to them as soon as possible. He sighs, because as usual, he’s the last person to leave. It’s almost sad, but he likes to think it’s because he just really cares about his job and not because he doesn’t have a social life.

Walking to his car, he groans when his phone begins to ring. He pulls it out as he unlocks his car and tosses his bag in, sliding the answer button when he sees who it is.

“Hey,” Phil’s quiet voice fills the line. Dan can tell he’s trying to be careful and gauge his mood, considering Domino’s was usually their comfort food when something particularly bad had happened.

“Hi,” Dan responds, slamming his door a little too harshly before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot in one quick motion. “So, Domino’s okay with you?” he asks tentatively, unsure if Phil’s offer to hang out still stands if Mario Kart is off the table. He seriously doubted it, but he feels like he can’t blame Phil if he wants to skip out on this particular mood that he’s in.

“Of course. I’ll order it to be sent to yours and meet you there in about fifteen?” Phil sounds soft and gentle, and Dan finds himself wanting to cry all over again after the day he’s had.

“Yeah, okay. You may beat me there, I’m just leaving work.” Dan would never turn down a chance to hang out with his best friend, even if his day had been shit and he was feeling like he’d be the worst company in the world.

“Alright. Want me to set up a movie?” Phil knew him so well, he wasn’t even questioning that Dan wasn’t in the mood for video games, and just accepted that this was one of those times where Dan just needed some passive entertainment and a load of carbs.

“Yeah, something I can cry over.” He suggests, looking at his side mirror before making a turn. He doesn’t elaborate, and he knows that Phil will understand, he always does.

“Okay. See you there.” He waits for Dan to respond in a similar fashion before the line goes dead. Dan sighs, setting the phone down on his lap, chewing his lip as he drives home. His thoughts are clouded with the events of today and his chest feels entirely too heavy. He knows that if he can just have a minute to cry it out, he’ll feel better.

When he gets to his flat, he’s unsurprised to find the door unlocked, the sound of the tv greeting him as he walks through the door. “I’m home!” He calls out, so he doesn’t freak Phil out when he walks into the lounge. He drops his bag off in the dining room, tossing his jacket onto the back of one of the chairs, rolling the sleeves of his button-down shirt up as he walks up the stairs into the lounge where he assumes Phil will be.

He smiles almost against his will at the scene he finds. Phil is curled into one end of his sofa with his laptop out, probably ordering the pizza, Dan’s fuzzy blanket covering his lap, his glasses askew on his face. He’s wearing an ugly sweater that he probably thought was really cool, which Dan finds endearing, if slightly annoying. He looks up as Dan enters the room, a small smile covering his face.

“Hi,” Phil says softly, studying Dan, as if he’ll be able to tell what had happened today just by looking at him.

“Hi,” Dan mimics, walking over and dropping onto the sofa beside him. He drops his head onto the backrest, staring up at the ceiling, feeling Phil’s stare burn into him.

There’s a moment of silence before Phil decides to prompt him again. “So,” he says, lightly knocking his knee against Dan’s. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you so upset?”

Dan shakes his head slowly, his eyes not straying from the spot of ceiling he’s currently memorizing. He knows he should, and that if there’s anyone he can talk to it’s Phil, but he feels like if he opens his mouth to speak, he’ll start sobbing. He’s not sure he’ll ever stop if he does.

“Okay,” Phil says slowly, shifting. He seems to be pondering something before he taps Dan’s thigh. “Would you like some tea?”

He very nearly rolls his eyes at this suggestion; they’re so British it hurts sometimes. Instead, he shrugs. “Hot chocolate?” he requests softly, glancing over at Phil, hoping that his best friend will take sympathy on him and make him a mug.

Phil grins as he stands up. “Coming right up, with four marshmallows.”

Dan’s relieved to be left alone for a moment, watching as Phil retreats downstairs to the kitchen. It’s not like he really wanted to avoid discussing what had happened, he just felt that he needed a moment to process it in the comfort of his own home before sharing it.

He doesn’t have to wait long before Phil’s elephant feet are stomping up the stairs, two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands when he enters the lounge. He hands one to Dan before settling onto the sofa, pulling the blanket over himself before looking at Dan expectantly. “So?” he says gently.

Dan knows he isn’t about to force him to speak about it if he really doesn’t want to, but he also knows what Phil knows; it would be so much better for him to speak about it to someone, and the only person he could really confide in was right there. Still, he’s silent for a minute, swallowing hard before whispering, “I had to report a girl’s parents to the authorities for child abuse today.”

His words sit heavy in the air between them, and Dan feels as if he’s suffocating under their weight. He takes a deep, steadying breath, or tries to, at least. It comes out staggered, and he squeezes his eyes shut, refusing to cry. He hadn’t watched a sad movie yet. Dan didn’t just sit around crying for nothing, at least not with company. His mind laughs at this, supplying the idea that Phil has seen him in much worse shape before. Dan kindly asks that little voice to take a hike.

Phil clears his throat, and when Dan tilts his head to look at him, he’s surprised to find Phil looking out the window, his mouth set in a thin line. He hated the idea of child abuse as much as Dan, and Dan suddenly feels guilty about telling him. He didn’t want Phil to feel sad or guilty over it, since it wasn’t his problem. Just as he opens his mouth to apologize for bringing up such a heavy topic, he feels Phil’s hand come to land on his leg, just above his knee.

Dan’s gaze drops to his hand, and Phil squeezes gently, causing Dan’s gaze to dart up to his.

Phil smiles sadly. “I’m so sorry you had to do that, Dan. I… I can’t imagine what that must have been like.” His friend sounds so sincere, and Dan has to look away, trying to get a grip on his emotions.

“It sucked,” He whispers.

“I know.” Phil responds, squeezing his leg again. He goes to speak again, but just when he does, they hear a loud buzzer, indicating the pizza delivery guy is there. Phil releases his grip to stand and goes to buzz the guy into the building. “I’ll be right back,” he says quietly before taking his wallet and going downstairs to get the pizza and pay the delivery guy.

Dan sighs before rising to go change out of his work clothes. He was already beginning to feel uncomfortable in the stiff-collared shirt that he was wearing. Unbuttoning it as he trudges down the stairs, he’s a little too lost in his head to realize that Phil is turning the corner with the pizza boxes before they nearly run into each other.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” Dan mumbles, going to steady the boxes in Phil’s hand. He had ordered pizza and chicken nuggets, as well as cookies. He must have predicted how bad Dan’s day had been while they were on the phone, which Dan is grateful for.

“It’s fine. Go change, I’ll grab us something to drink.” Phil glances down at Dan’s hands, which are still undoing buttons, and Dan flushes when he realizes that he’s basically just walking around stripping. He avoids Phil’s eyes as he ducks into his bedroom to get his pajamas on. He reminds himself that Phil has seen him shirtless, they used to live together, after all. That had been so long ago, it seemed.

Back when Dan was contemplating dropping out of uni and Phil convinced him to switch majors instead. His family hadn’t been thrilled of course, but Dan knew that if it hadn’t been for Phil, he wouldn’t have finished university at all. Or finished anything at all, for that matter.

Dan had been in an incredibly bad place for years when Phil came into his life, and the raven-haired dork would probably never realize how drastically he had changed Dan’s entire life. But after living together for about three years, Dan had moved into his own place. Although it hadn’t been life-altering in terms of their friendship, things had been really weird and hard to adjust to at first, although Dan definitely didn’t regret it now. He had gotten a fairly good deal on his current flat, and they lived close enough they saw each other nearly every day anyway, just like best friends do.

By the time Dan manages to get into his pajamas and work himself out of his thoughts and up the stairs, Phil has already got their plates out and drinks poured. Dan smiles tiredly as he drops to the sofa beside him, tugging the chicken nugget box towards him and tearing the lid off, making Phil roll his eyes.

“I cannot believe you still do that.” His voice is light and teasing, which Dan thinks is good for while they’re having dinner. He can’t handle heavy conversation while he’s trying to eat.

Shrugging, Dan nods to the tv. “What’re we watching? Did you pick out something good and sad?” He tries to joke, but his voice sounds flat, even to his own ears.

Phil shrugs, studiously avoiding Dan’s gaze as he organizes their fair array of dips on the coffee table. “You can pick something else if you aren’t up for it.” He shrugs again.

Slightly suspicious but not enough to be alarmed, Dan tosses the trash from the boxes he’s ripped apart to the side, looking at Phil again. “Is it _The Notebook?_ ” When Phil shakes his head, Dan shrugs and turns to the dips, peeling off the lids. “Then it’s fine.”

After a moment, Phil sighs and grabs the remote, pressing play, causing the previous screensaver to change to the movie he’d picked. Dan almost chokes when he realizes what it is, but he shrugs when Phil looks at him in concern. “This is fine. I like this movie.” His lip curls up into a small smile, but he knows his dimple isn’t showing.

“We can change it. I wasn’t thinking about- I didn’t realize what had happened today, Dan. I seriously don’t mind if you want to change it.” His best friend shifts on the sofa, trying to catch Dan’s gaze.

“It’s fine. I haven’t seen this in a while, and it’s a good movie. Sandra’s a good actress, even if she looks weird as a blonde.” He tries to crack a joke, but Phil doesn’t react.

After a few minutes where Dan is actively avoiding looking at Phil as Phil does nothing but stare at him, he hears the older man sigh, before pressing play, allowing the movie to begin.

Dan glances at the tv, then at Phil, sending him a small smile, assuring him that he’s fine. Phil smiles back, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Dan knows his friend is just worried about him, but he feels that just avoiding how he feels about what happened will just be counterproductive. At least, that’s probably what his therapist would say.

So instead of digging himself into a hole of sadness and guilt, he sits back with his plate of delicious food on his sofa with his best friend and tries to enjoy _The Blind Side_ in all its glory.

~~~

An hour later, and Dan is slightly reconsidering his earlier thoughts. The food is long gone by now, so Dan is left with nothing to distract himself with from the emotional aspects of the movie. He had already teared up at the scene where Michael said he had never had a bed, and now his eyes were threatening to spill over again as the graduation scene is happening.

Phil has noticed, and while he tries not to be so obviously worried, at one point he pulled Dan’s legs into his lap, which Dan has to admit does help slightly, if only because the physical contact tethers him to something real and tangible in this world. Dan tries not to sniffle too loudly, but he’s not sure how well he’s doing, given Phil is shooting him glances every few minutes.

Graciously, Phil allows him to cry in quiet, but he crushes any hopes that Dan had that he hadn’t full noticed when he hands him the box of tissues that Dan keeps on the end table beside Phil.

“Thanks,” he whispers wetly.

This time, Phil doesn’t even bother pretending he’s paying attention to the tv, keeping his sole focus on Dan. “Are you okay?” He asks softly, one arm coming up on the back of the sofa while the other rests across Dan’s calves.

Dan nods too quickly, and Phil tilts his head at him in disbelief. Sighing, Dan tilts his head to rest against the back of the sofa and studies a thread coming out at the top while he ponders over Phil’s question. “I want to foster.” He announces quietly.

Phil’s eyebrows furrow at this, and he glances at the tv. The movie is coming to an end, so he apparently decides it’s fine to put the sound on mute for this conversation. “Like you want to be a foster parent?” Phil asks for clarification, studying Dan in that careful, attentive way that he has.

Dan wraps a clean tissue around his index finger as he nods, still avoiding long periods of eye contact with Phil. “Yeah. I want to help kids who don’t have anyone. I just… I get so mad at them, Phil.” He seethes, steadily becoming more emotional and enraged as he just thinks about Charlotte’s situation, and others like hers. She certainly wasn’t the first person who had come to Dan about something like this, but she was the first who he hadn’t expected, as he had seen no warning signs prior to that.

Phil rubs circles onto Dan’s calves, seemingly without noticing it, his eyes focused on Dan’s face. “Mad at who, Dan?” Phil asks, his expression slightly confused.

“The parents, Phil. All these shitty fucking parents who don’t know how to take care of their kids. I could do so much better than them. I just… I feel like I’m not doing enough with the career I’ve got. I want to do something, you know? I want to make an impact in someone’s life.” Dan is slightly aware of the way he’s basically rambling at this point, but he isn’t quite sure where to stop.

Phil looks unsure as he speaks. “Dan, you have an impact on the lives of all the kids you work with.” He hesitates before his eyes drift to his hands, on Dan’s legs. “You’ve had an impact on mine,” He says softly. Dan isn’t sure he heard him right, so he moves on.

“That doesn’t count.” He thinks he sees a flash of hurt on Phil’s face before it’s quickly covered up by a look of concern. “I know that what I’m doing at the school isn’t, like, a total waste of time, but I just… I just want to do more. I want…” he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I want to be able to be someone’s parent because I want to be the kind of good parent that mine never were.” His voice is near inaudible by the end of that, but he knows Phil has heard by the way his face falls, a soft look coming over his features.

“Oh, Dan.” He sighs, shifting closer to Dan so that the younger boy is nearly in his lap, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Dan hadn’t realized how desperately he needed that hug until he feels Phil breathe, and then feels as his hand comes up to stroke his back soothingly.

And then, Dan’s crying, just like he figured he would tonight. It had been a long time since he’d been held this way, but Phil was his best friend in the whole world, and so if anyone was going to be there for this slight meltdown, he was glad it was Phil. His best friend gently rubs his back with one hand, the other petting his hair. Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s torso in response, openly sobbing at this point.

Dan isn’t sure how long they sit like that, with Phil whispering that everything would be okay, before he finally realizes how gross he feels, gently disentangling himself from Phil, putting some space between them as he wipes at his eyes. “Thanks,” Dan says wetly. “I think-” he pauses, his eyes widening as his attention suddenly drawn to the stain on Phil’s jumper from his snot and tears. He brings his own sleeve up to his nose, wiping away the snot he’s embarrassed to realize has collected there. He can’t help but make a face, waving the sleeve as if that’ll clean it off. “Er- sorry about your jumper,” he mumbles.

“It’s fine. I know you think this one’s ugly anyway. Probably did that on purpose, if I had to guess.” Phil jokes quietly, causing Dan to laugh before gently shoving Phil in retaliation.

“Nope, you have no proof of that.” Dan shrugs innocently.

Phil quirks an eyebrow before gesturing to the jumper to indicate that it is the evidence, and Dan only shrugs in response.

They sit in silence for a few moments before Dan finally speaks up again. “I think… I think tomorrow I’m going to call a fostering agency.” He says softly, looking down at his hands.

Phil looks at him, nodding slowly. “Yeah?” He prods gently, waiting to see if Dan would elaborate.

He does. “Yeah. I’ve… Well, I’ve actually looked into a few already, but I’m going to call one tomorrow and see if I can get the process started. I read that it can take up to six months, and I really want to do this.” He chews his lip before speaking again, glancing up at Phil timidly. “You’ll, like, still hang out, right? Like, this won’t completely destroy our friendship if I do this?” He asks, worrying his lip as he waits for an answer.

Phil frowns. “Of course, it won’t. Dan, if you want to do this, I support you. I’ll be there to help you, whatever you need. Okay?” He ducks his head to catch Dan’s gaze.

Dan nods slowly, smiling tiredly. “Thanks, Phil.” He glances at the tv, which has long since turned off due to inactivity. He checks his phone on the table next, surprised to see that it’s already pretty late, and he’s had a long day. “I think I’m gonna head to bed. Are you staying over?”

Phil checks his own phone, shaking his head. “Nah, I’ve gotta be at work kinda early tomorrow, don’t wanna wake up even earlier to get home and get ready.” He stands up, glancing down at Dan. “Unless you need me to stay?” He studies Dan intently, his blue eyes searching for any hint of uncertainty.

Dan shakes his head quickly before standing as well, clearing the coffee table. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine. Just needed a cry, I guess.” He shrugs casually before nodding to the table. “Mind helping out before you leave?”

Phil nods, bending to collect the dishes they used while Dan gathers up their trash. Phil heads downstairs to the kitchen to drop off the dishes while Dan tosses the trash into the bin. After washing his hands, he finds Phil already by the door, tugging his shoes on. Dan holds his keys out for him, smiling when Phil studies him with a frown on his face, clearly worried.

“I’m fine, Phil. I promise. Just had a bad day, that’s all. And we watched a freaking sad movie. But I’m fine.” Dan pushes the keys into Phil’s hand before opening the door for him since he’d have to lock it behind him. Although Phil had a key, Dan always preferred to do it himself, so he knew for sure it was locked. He was paranoid like that sometimes.

Phil seems to take a moment to consider what Dan said before stepping through the door. He turns back around to say goodbye and catches Dan slightly off guard when he pulls him into a hug. Neither of them had anything against showing physical affection, as being best friends for nearly ten years definitely did that for a person. Still, it wasn’t often that they hugged each other goodbye.

The surprise doesn’t stop there, however, as before Phil steps away, he brings his lips up to Dan’s forehead, pressing them lightly against his hairline, so briefly that Dan would almost think he’d imagined it, if it weren’t for the unmistakable feeling of lips against his skin. “Night, Dan. Call me if you need anything.” And with that, Phil is off, down the hall and out of sight before Dan can even close the door.

After locking it and setting the alarm, he stumbles to bed in a daze, his head swirling with a million different thoughts. The loudest of which, shouting _Phil just kissed you! On the forehead, but he kissed you!_ The thought isn’t entirely unwelcome, as he’s still processing the oddity that that level of affection between them was. With that thought, others begin flooding his mind, most of them flashbacks to a different time, nearly ten years ago, an October full of first meetings and uncertainty and flirty banter and warm smiles.

While that time seemed so far away now, this evening’s events were causing a whole barrage of memories long since buried in Dan’s mind to resurface. He tosses and turns in bed, struggling to find a good, safe place to let his thoughts drift to as he tries to sleep. One thing is certain, though. After all that thinking, Dan goes to sleep that night with thoughts of blue eyes and Ferris wheel rides swirling in his head.

~~~

The next day is a Thursday, and Dan is nearly bursting with nervousness as he settles into his office for the day. He’s already checked with Louise about Charlotte’s situation, but she didn’t know much. They were informed that Charlotte and her brother wouldn’t be in school for a few days, but that was it. It was incredibly ineffective to yank the children out of their routine, Dan thought, but it wasn’t like he had any real control now. It was entirely up to the case workers and the system now.

He sighs as he sorts his paperwork out on his desk, fishing out the things he’d need today for the few meetings he had, as well as a black journal that he had been keeping all the information he’d found about fostering. There wasn’t much to do at the moment, given he had about an hour before his first meeting of the day, so he decided to go through and pick a foster company to start the process with.

After scanning the websites of the three companies he had on his list, he eventually decides to go with one called Bridge the Gap, partially because they had earlier office hours than the others, but also because he liked the layout and design of their website. Leave it to him to be nerdy enough to consider graphic design when going into a situation like this. He double checks that his door is firmly shut before dialing the number on his cellphone, his stomach twisting with nerves.

The phone rings twice before a cheery voice picks up. “Bridge the Gap Foster Care, this is Kacey, how can I direct your call?”

Dan stumbles with his response, as he hadn’t expected such a prompt and efficient person to pick up the call. “Uh, yeah. I need to speak with a case worker about fostering? Er- I’d like to start, I mean, and so… Yeah.” He finishes lamely, clenching his eyes shut in frustration at how totally unprepared he feels.

The girl on the other end just laughs good-naturedly. “Then you’re in the right place. Give me just a second, and I’ll put you through to one of our caseworkers.” Dan responds with an affirmative, and then the sound of soft music begins playing. He perks up when he recognizes the tune as Clair de Lune. Just from that, he decides that he’s made the right decision. He begins doodling on the large calendar on his desk, a dog, and then a cat, followed by little stick children. He stops when he realizes he’d unintentionally drawn two children, a boy and a girl, beside a little figure of himself.

The wait isn’t too long, and before he knows it, the music is drifting away, and another voice is speaking. “Good morning, sir, I was told you were interested in speaking to someone about becoming a foster carer?” The voice is Irish, which takes Dan aback for a second, as the other girl had been incredibly posh.

“Er- yes. My name is Daniel Howell and I read on the website that this was the best way to get started?” He doesn’t mean to make it sound like a question, but it absolutely sounds that way. He has to remind himself to stop worrying so much about how he sounds. This person doesn’t know him yet, no need to freak out any more than he already is.

“Well, hello, Daniel, my name is Hazel Hayes, and I’m glad you called. It definitely helps to get the process started over phone rather than in person, so we have time to gather paperwork and things like that. So, have you done any research on foster care yet? Or are you calling to get more information?” Her voice is friendly but serious, as if she’s done this long enough to gauge that it’s usually one of the two options.

“I’ve actually done my research this time,” Dan laughs softly. “I’ve always felt pretty strongly about wanting to do this, and I’m not exactly getting any younger.”

Hazel laughs good-naturedly with him, and he hears the sound of papers shuffling as if he’s on speaker. His anxiety spikes slightly at the thought before getting over it. This person doesn’t know him, it’s ridiculous to be paranoid about his voice. “Right, right. Well, normally I like to ask a few questions, and sort of go from there seeing if you qualify to start the process. Is that alright with you?”

Dan nods before realizing she can’t see him. “Yes, that’s fine.” He sits back in his seat slightly, crossing one ankle over his other leg. Might as well get comfortable if he’s about to be interrogated.

“Right, so how old are you, Mr. Howell?” Hazel sounds friendly but business-like, and he wonders briefly how much she has seen in her line of work. She sounds happy and nice but working in the foster system had to have its downfalls.

“I’m twenty-seven.” He responds, glancing around his office absently. He needs to get some photos or something to put in here, he realizes as he studies his sparse desk. He’s got motivational posters and some bookshelves in this room, but it’s fairly impersonal otherwise. The only picture he does have is a selfie of himself and Phil from a holiday they took to Japan a few years back, and that’s attached to his filing cabinet with a magnet.

He tunes back into the conversation when Hazel asks another question. He barely catches the humming sound she makes when he tells her his age, but he’s more prepared for the next question. “Are you employed, Mr. Howell? And if so, could you give me a range of your income?”

“I am. I work as a guidance counselor at Queensbury Secondary School,” he pauses before responding with his salary, which admittedly wasn’t too impressive, but it was enough for him. Hazel makes a similar noise as she had before, which is beginning to make him slightly nervous.

“Right… Okay, a little different now, but how would you say your support system is? Do you have family, perhaps some close friends who would be available for support within the home?” Hazel questions, sounding almost as if she’s bringing the questioning to an end. He was surprised, as he had expected something fairly different during this call.

“Oh, um. My family’s in Reading, actually.” He hesitates, unsure if this is really something she needs to know. “And I’m pretty introverted generally, so uh, I’ve got a couple of friends who would probably be my support system, I guess.” He hates how hesitant he sounds, but he’s unprepared for this kind of question entirely.

“Well, Mr. Howell,” Hazel begins, sounding like she’s about to deliver some sort of unfortunate noise.

Dan can’t stand the anxiety he feels, and he cuts her off. “Call me Dan, please.” He feels as if she’s about to dash his hopes, he’d like to be addressed by his first name.

“Dan, I want to be honest with you.” Hazel suddenly sounds far less happy, and more tired now, as if she’s drained. “It’s hard to find good foster parents these days, you probably realize this if you’ve researched it. That said, there are certain… qualities, I suppose you could say, that generally ensure that a potential foster carer will be more likely to be approved.”

This sounds a lot like one of those speeches where someone is let down gently, but Dan wants the cold, hard facts, not bad news wrapped up in a pretty bow to distract from the fact that it’s still bad news. “I’m not sure I follow. From everything I read, there wasn’t much you could get disqualified for. Sexual orientation, religion, even the factor about employment didn’t appear to be a problem.” He feels as if he’s jumping the gun with how defensive he sounds, but he honestly can’t help it. He’s wanted this for so long, it wasn’t fair that it could just be taken away so quickly.

Hazel sighs as if she expected this to be his reaction. “I understand, and that’s not quite what I’m saying.”

There’s a pause, and Dan drops his leg, leaning forward to prop his elbows on his desk, one hand holding the phone up to his ear while he places his chin in the other. “Well, please, feel free to elaborate.” He says almost bitterly.

“The factors you mentioned don’t disqualify someone, you’re right. And I’m not saying you are disqualified, but there are factors that can make getting approved harder, and I wouldn’t want to allow you to start this process with false expectations.” She pauses as if she’s waiting for him to process before she continues. “The fact that you’re quite young, by our standards at least, is something to consider. The age is twenty-one and up, but generally the people who get approved the fastest are people who are around thirty or older. Another huge factor is support. This isn’t like fostering puppies, Dan. You will have a child’s life in your hands, and it’s crucial to have a healthy support system around you in order to make sure that you are able to take care of the child to the best of your ability.”

Dan is reeling, as this feels an awful lot like a rejection. His thoughts are racing, stumbling for something, anything that can fix this. Hazel’s talking again before he can think of anything to intervene with.

“And the fact that you’re single, well… We don’t discriminate on the basis of relationship status, but typically couples who decide to foster are generally approved easier than singles, simply because of the fact that two parents allow for more reprieve and a better support system for the child…”

Dan’s sure Hazel keeps talking, but he’s stuck on what she said about him being single. He knows she’s right, but she hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t said any different. His conscience is screaming at him not to do what he’s thinking of doing, but he shoves that little voice in a drawer in his mind, blocking it out. He thinks it’s a shot in the dark, sure, but he did have someone who had promised to support him and do anything he could to help…

“Wait, wait. Sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. I’m not single.” He interrupts Hazel’s train of thought, his heart now racing as he waits for a reaction. His stomach churns uncomfortably, and he tries to tell himself it’s just the waiting for her response, not because he feels guilty about lying.

“Oh. You aren’t?” Hazel sounds slightly surprised, and he almost feels offended.

“No.” He says slowly and easily, trying to force himself into sounding as casual and natural as possible.

“My apologizes, I just assumed- since you didn’t say anything when I asked about your support system-“ Before she can get much further, he interrupts her yet again.

“Well, yes, but you didn’t ask specifically about partners. It’s my bad, really, I think I just misinterpreted the question.” He lies easily, almost too easily, but he’s relieved that she doesn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, that’s great. Not that it would have been impossible to foster otherwise, but you sound like you’ve done your research, and we really need more people who truly care about doing this for the greater good. And I know that sometimes there are just setbacks for people who aren’t… well, anyway. I assume this means you’ll be fostering together?” She asks, her cheer restored in her voice as she speaks.

Dan shakes his head, surprised at himself for what he’s about to do. At least the little voice in his head has finally shut up. “Yes, we will. My, uh, fiancé, and I will be co-fostering.”

“Lovely. Well, the next step in the process is to attend an information meeting here at the center. I can email you about dates and times, and you and your fiancé can decide on something and just let me know.” The sound of typing fills the line, and Dan can only assume that she’s pulling up her email. After telling her his address, she takes a moment before responding. “Okay! That’s sorted, so you should see an email soon. Thank you for calling, Dan, and I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon! Have a great day!”

Dan responds slightly less enthusiastically before dropping his cell phone to his desk, following it with his head. He gently bangs his head on the smooth surface several times before there’s a knock on his door. “It’s open,” he calls out, trying to settle his expression and his feelings with a sigh as he sits up to greet his guest.

Louise ducks her head in, a smile on her face. “Ready for the meeting at nine?” She asks in that happy, motherly way she has when she’s trying to keep him organized and on schedule. He nods tiredly rubbing a hand down his face, but she must assume it’s because of yesterday’s events, and not due to the fact that he just destroyed his life over the phone. “Good. The boy’s parents should be here then, and we’ll call him in from class to discuss the scholarship and everything in my office.” She smiles once again before giving him a look. “It’ll be okay, Daniel, I promise.”

Dan tries to smile back at her, nodding. “I know, Lou. I know.” He watches as she pulls the door shut as she leaves, before dropping his head back to his desk. After allowing himself a few moments of self-pity, he picks up his phone, deciding to go ahead and face the inevitable. Dialing Phil’s number feels a little like walking towards the edge of a cliff to his imminent death, and he selfishly hopes that he doesn’t answer.

Sadly, whatever gods or beings that control his life aren’t so graceful. Phil answers after the third ring. “Hey, Dan. Are you alright?” Phil asks immediately after answering.

Dan clenches his eyes shut, seriously regretting the situation he’s gotten himself in. Who the hell does something this stupid? Him, apparently. “Er, not exactly. Do you have a minute?” Dan props his head up with the hand that’s holding the phone, laying heavily on it. He briefly hopes that he somehow manages to hang up on him with his face, but he knows they need to have this conversation after what Dan just did.

“Uh, yeah, give me a minute.” He hears Phil say something to his coworkers, probably excusing himself to go talk somewhere in private. Dan’s grateful for this, as he’s probably going to want to yell after he hears what Dan did this time. “Alright, what’s up? You sound really weird and it’s freaking me out.” The worry in Phil’s voice is clear, and Dan tries to cling to that as he tries to gather his courage to speak. Phil cares about him, he can’t do anything too drastic after he hears this… Right?

“Well, you see… Something super funny happened, actually…” Dan begins, hoping that if he presents it as a funny little thing, Phil will be less mad. “So, I called the foster company like I said I would, right? Well…”

~~~

Unfortunately, presenting his mistake as a comedy had not had the desired effect. If anything, it makes it worse.

“You did _what?_ ” Phil’s voice is loud, overwhelming the phone’s mic so it sends an inhuman wall of noise through the line. Dan cringes, his finger tracing over the keys on his keyboard as he lets Phil get his anger out. “Daniel, that’s- is that illegal or something? Lying to someone like that?”

Dan shrugs before remembering Phil isn’t there. “I dunno, Phil. It’s not like I asked her if it was illegal to lie about being engaged to someone.” He snaps. He had no right to be angry, and he knew that, but he never fully knew how to act when Phil was angry, as it didn’t happen very often.

“Fuck.” Phil swears quietly, and Dan’s eyes widen slightly. Phil normally didn’t swear too much, so this was surely a testament to how mad he really was. “Well do you think you’ll just tell her you were lying, or say that you broke up or something?”

“What? No! Phil, I can’t. She basically said I didn’t have a real chance at fostering if I didn’t have this. This could be the only way I get to do this.” Dan sits up straighter, swallowing hard.

“So, what are you suggesting? That you just keep lying to her? Seriously, Dan? What about when they do the information meetings? Or better yet, when they do the home inspections? What then?” Phil demands. Dan can almost see him pacing, as he tends to do that when he’s seriously frustrated. Dan almost feels bad for calling him at work, but he knew if he waited it would just drive him crazy.

“No…” He says slowly in regard to what Phil had said. He takes a deep breath, trying to steel himself for what he’s about to ask of his best friend. Although Dan knew deep down that their friendship had survived much worse, he felt that this was something he couldn’t really compare to the situations they’d been in before.

“Then what, Dan?” Phil’s voice sounds almost suspicious, as if he knows that Dan has a solution, and he knows already that he isn’t going to like it.

“You said you would be there for me, right?” Dan says slowly. He glances over at the only picture he had in his office, an old one of photo-Phil smiling broadly over his shoulder. They had been through loads together. Surely, they could survive this together, too. That thought in his mind, he just blurts it out. “I need you to be my fiancé.”

The line is completely silent for several moments. Dan almost thinks the call had failed, but when he pulls his phone away to check, it’s fine. He hesitantly brings it back to his ear, waiting.

Finally, after what seems like hours, Phil’s voice returns. “ _What?_ ” He whispers.

“Phil, please. I just need you to pretend, okay? Please. I don’t- we both know I don’t have any other friends I can ask. And you said-“ Dan almost continues, but Phil’s voice stops him.

“Stop. Okay? Just stop. I’m at work, Daniel. I know you probably felt like you couldn’t just let this wait, but I’m working. Okay? This is something we need to discuss _in person_.” Phil stops there, but Dan can tell he isn’t finished, so he just waits quietly until Phil has gathered his thoughts. “You can’t just drop something like this on me and expect me to just agree to it. Just because you fucked up doesn’t mean you can drag me into it too.”

That hurts, but Dan knows he deserves it, even though he also knows Phil will likely apologize for saying it later. “Okay.” He whispers back, nodding his head as he stares down at the little stick figures he had drawn earlier.

The line is quiet for a few more minutes before Phil sighs deeply. “I’ll see you after work, yeah? Just… Give me some time, okay?

“Okay.” Dan says again. He’s not sure when things had ever been less okay.

“I get off at five today, I’ll come by, so we can talk.” Phil hesitates before speaking again. “Just… don’t do anything else until we talk, alright?”

“Alright.” Dan responds. “I’ll see you later, Phil.” Before he hangs up, he repeats Phil’s name. When he hears a hum of acknowledgement, he continues. “I’m really sorry.”

Phil sighs before answering. “I know, Dan. I’ll see you later.”

The call disconnects with a beep and Dan feels the guilt settle in, making its way right under his skin, making him feel filthy with it.

After checking the time and realizing he’s about to be late to the meeting, he quickly shoves his personal life to the back of his mind and struggles to force himself into his work life. There was no good that could come out of getting the two all mixed up, and Dan didn’t intend to be one of those people who made that mistake. So instead, he shook himself and tried to put on a smile to go congratulate the parents of a child who had earned himself a full-ride scholarship to a great university. At least some people in the world weren’t messing up their lives.

~~~

Several hours later, Dan is pacing his lounge nervously as he waits for Phil to get there. He’s not sure if he’s nervous to see Phil’s anger, rather than just hear it on the phone, or if he’s just nervous that Phil might refuse to pretend to be his fiancé for the sake of his foster care situation. Probably a mixture of both.

He jumps a little when he hears a key being shoved into the lock downstairs before he reminds himself that Phil has a key. He forces himself to wait in the lounge instead of meeting him at the door, feeling like that last few moments of distance between them will be better.

“Dan?” Phil calls out as Dan hears him taking his shoes off.

“Upstairs!” Dan answers. He’s trying desperately not to look like a nervous wreck, but he knows he does. He’s wearing his Game of Thrones pajama sweats and a t-shirt, but he suddenly feels like he should have just left his work clothes on. He feels too vulnerable like this, despite the fact Phil had seen him in basically every state of dress and undress.

It’s too late for a wardrobe change, though, because Phil comes up the stairs then, pausing when he sees Dan pacing around in front of the large windows. He appraises him for a moment before raising an eyebrow. “You look like roadkill, mate.” Phil deadpans, dropping onto the sofa, his eyes not leaving Dan’s.

Dan only nods, swallowing the lump building in his throat. He absolutely would not cry. Crying would just be stupid and senseless. He had to be strong, because that’s the kind of thing adults do. They own up to their mistakes and deal with the consequences, even if they suck.

Phil studies Dan for a second before sighing, patting the cushion beside him. “C’mere.”

Dan shuffles over unsurely, sitting down where he’s facing Phil, although he refuses to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I should have asked first, or just not lied period, but I can’t un-lie.” His gaze shifts to the painting he keeps on the cabinet behind the sofa, and he stares at it just to give himself something to do. “I know that doesn’t like, make it better, or whatever. But I am sorry, and I know I fucked up.”

There’s a silence before Phil finally speaks. “I’m not mad anymore.” He whispers softly. Dan’s eyes tentatively shift to meet striking blue ones, and he’s surprised to see that there’s no anger left there. “I was seething at first, sure. You lied to someone about being in a serious relationship, and that’s bad enough, but then you just… Just asked me to do it, as if that’s something you just ask someone.”

Dan tries to make a joke. “I mean… You kind of do ask someone to marry you… This is kind of like that.” He tries to smile, but Phil just stares at him.

“This isn’t real.” He says immediately. Dan’s surprised at how much hearing that hurts, but he shrugs and looks away. It’s not like Phil was wrong. It wasn’t real.

Wait…

“You said ‘this isn’t real’ like you meant it was happening.” Dan is struggling to catch up with the tale he had spun just that morning. “I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to do, Phil. If this is going to make things weird, or like if it makes you uncomfortable, we don’t-“

Phil cuts him off then, sighing. “Dan, we both know I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I wasn’t sure I knew I could handle it. Besides, we’ve known each other for ten years. It’s not like either of us have much of a life outside of our friendship anyway.” His sentence is punctuated with a bitter laugh, and Dan can’t help but feel bad, as if he’s the one really holding Phil back from having relationships outside of their friendship. But that would be crazy, because it wasn’t like Dan was standing in his way.

“Yeah…” He studies his hands for a moment before looking up into blue eyes. His words are caught in his throat as Phil just looks at him with a sort of soft, fond look. He looked tired, probably due to the stress that Dan’s terrible announcement of the situation had caused this morning. Even with as angry as he probably was still feeling, he still looked at Dan like there was something to be seen. Like Phil actually liked what he saw, even.

Dan shakes the thought away. He had never had the guts to feel the way he felt about his best friend. He certainly didn’t have the guts now, not when it wasn’t even real. But still, Dan allows himself to feel entirely grateful for the way Phil is handling the situation. The whole thing could have gone in a very different direction, but luckily, Phil was pretty much the best person in the world, and Dan wouldn’t have wanted to be stuck in this situation with anyone else.

“We’ll have to figure a few things out, you know.” Phil says quietly a moment later, thoroughly breaking the spell Dan had been under, stuck in his own head.

“What sort of things?” Dan asks, shifting on the couch so he can tuck his legs under him. This gives him some extra height, and he props his elbow up on the backrest of the couch, dropping his chin onto his hand to look down at Phil.

“Well, for one, if we’re going to do this, we need to work out a convincing backstory. How we met, who proposed to who, all that. Also, might need to get some rings.” He holds up his bare left hand and wags his ring finger around. “If I’m going to be your arm candy, I’m going to require some decent costuming.” His lips quirk into a smirk at the surprise on Dan’s face.

“Oh. Right.” Dan allows his gaze to follow Phil’s hand as it drops back into his lap, and when he realizes that he’s practically staring at his best friend’s crotch, his eyes quickly flit away, his cheeks heating up. “Well, I figure we stay as close to the truth as possible. We don’t change anything other than throwing in a convincing proposal story. We’ve lived together before, so we already know all of each other’s worst habits, which will make it much easier to act like a couple.” Dan shrugs.

Phil shifts, licking his lips before speaking. Dan tries very hard not to follow that movement, but his eyes betray him. “About that, actually. You do realize that they’ll do home visits, right? And if we’re fully doing this, I’ll seriously have to co-foster with you, Dan.”

The truth hadn’t been put quite so bluntly yet, and it wasn’t until Phil said it that Dan fully realized just what he had gotten his best friend into. Not only had he asked him to pretend to be in a long-term, committed relationship with himself, but by doing all this he was also asking Phil to agree to be a parent. They’d have to sign the papers together and seriously commit to becoming foster parents as a unit.

“Did you think about this at all, Dan?” Phil is squinting at him, looking miles away and far too close all at once.

Dan suddenly feels nauseous as thoughts of Phil feeding a baby or teaching a little boy how to ride a bike, or even arguing with a teenage girl cycle through his mind, each of them making him dizzy. Not because he didn’t like to imagine himself co-parenting with Phil; actually, quite the opposite. This future that he’s basically throwing himself into looks so good, and he feels like he might throw up with the thought that it wouldn’t actually be _real_.

His current existential crisis comes to a screeching halt as he remembers Charlotte. He isn’t doing this for himself or to satisfy some twisted fantasy he might’ve had ten years ago about having a family with Phil. He was doing this because he wanted to help kids like Charlotte, who didn’t have a family that gave a damn. Throwing every other thought out of his head helps him get a grip on what he thinks he’s feeling. It’s nothing other than some old memories and dreams that never came to be, and never would, either. Fixating on it now wouldn’t help him, or the kids he truly wanted to help.

Dan doesn’t realize how much he’d tuned out until he tunes back in and finds Phil’s hand on his thigh, squeezing gently, his eyes wide with worry. “Are you alright? You looked sick. Are you… are you regretting this already?” Phil asks softly.

Shaking his head, Dan gives him an uneasy smile that probably does nothing to convince Phil that he’s alright. “No, no. Of course not. I wouldn’t have asked anyone else to do this, you know that, right? That may sound weird, but you’re the only person I think I could have trusted with this.” Phil nods, uncertain but the worry on his face softens. “I guess I just feel a little guilty. I get that I’m asking more than just “hey, pretend to be engaged to me!” I’m literally asking you to step into a parenting role, which is something I didn’t even really consider when I asked in the first place.”

Phil nods slowly. “Yeah… You know that’s why I sort of freaked out earlier. It wasn’t because of what you asked, exactly.” He hesitates then, looking away from Dan. “It was mostly just the implications behind what you asked that made me a little… uneasy.”

“I know.” Dan nods, picking at the skin around his nails. “I realize that, now. If you…” He takes a deep breath before offering Phil an out. “If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel like I’ll be mad if you don’t. I really want this, but that doesn’t mean you do.” Dan laughs without humor. “Hell, I really don’t even know if you even _want_ kids, let alone if you’re ready to start being a parent now.”

There’s a beat of silence where both men seem to be lost in their own thoughts before Phil speaks again. “I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent, you know? I think they all just jump into it at some point, but I don’t think the majority of parents are ever fully ready.” He shrugs then. “And I’m probably not ready either, but I know I want to do this with you. I know how much this means to you, and I know I’d hate myself later if I didn’t at least try.”

Dan almost tears up, but instead he laughs, shoving Phil gently. “You already sound like a parent, all wise and stuff.” They both laugh quietly before the silence resumes. “Thank you,” Dan whispers.

Phil glances up at him, quirking an eyebrow. “You’re welcome. But I’m not just doing this for you. I’ve always said I wanted to foster if I could. You’re just giving me a good excuse to do it.” Phil grins, and Dan rolls his eyes. He figured they’d had enough serious conversation for one night. They still had a few things to work out, but he was starving right now, so he figured that could wait until after they eat something.

“Right.” He stands up to go fetch his laptop, so they can order something. After the day they’d had, he figured they deserved to be lazy and eat takeaway. “Do you want Indian or Chinese tonight?” He asks as he pulls his MacBook off the desk across the lounge.

“Chinese sounds good, actually.” Phil responds, reaching over to grab the remote before turning the tv on. They were so comfortable in each other’s homes that it was almost comical.

A few minutes later Dan places their usual order before closing his laptop and putting it back where he got it. “Do you wanna talk about some of the stuff we need to work out before the food gets here?” He asks, suddenly feeling slightly awkward. He feels that his awkwardness is justified, however, seeing as it’s not every day you find yourself fake engaged to your best friend.

Phil nods, putting the remote beside him on the couch without selecting a show to watch. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. And then we can just lay around being lazy for the rest of the night.” He smiles at Dan.

Dan returns to his earlier seat beside Phil, nodding at his plan. “Are you staying over tonight?” He asks. He almost wishes Phil would say no so he could have some space to process all this, but then he feels bad because it’s actually been a couple weeks since they’d slept over at each other’s flats.

Phil nods, pulling the blanket from off the back of the couch where Dan had left it last night. “Might as well. Er- unless you don’t want me to?” He asks, glancing at Dan with slightly pink cheeks.

Shaking his head, Dan shoves Phil lightly. “You know I like having you around. Of course, I want you to stay.” He rolls his eyes at the absurdity of Phil suggesting otherwise. The thought of him sleeping over prompts a different thought, however. “Speaking of that, though.” He almost blushes when Phil looks at him in question, but they probably both realized that this was going to come up. “We’re going to need to live together.”

The surprise that briefly crosses Phil’s face is quickly followed by understanding. “Oh, yeah. I kind of just glossed over that part in my panic, I think.” He brings a hand up to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck, his eyes avoiding Dan’s.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve never lived together. It’s just been like, what, three years? Four?” Dan honestly doesn’t remember how long it had been since they moved out of their last shared apartment and into separate ones, but he knew it’d been at least a couple years. Honestly besides the fact that they no longer lived together full-time, not much had changed. They still saw each other basically every day, and they often spent the night at each other’s flats. Yet somehow, they still weren’t sick of each other.

“Four.” Phil responds distractedly. “You know, my lease is actually up in about three months.” He says nonchalantly.

Dan smiles at this. It would make things much easier, especially since the approval process could take up to six months. If Phil was going to have to either renew his own lease or move soon, this was basically perfect timing. “Well, you know mine’s not up for another two years.” Dan responds in the same nonchalant fashion that Phil had.

It has the desired effect, and Phil laughs. “So, I guess that means I’ll be moving in here?” He asks, leaning his head on the back of the sofa and tilting to face Dan. The way the light now falls across his face is a little too perfect, and Dan mentally curses him for managing to look so effortlessly brilliant. That’s a thought he can totally have about his best friend, right?

“Well, I mean, if you want. We could always just go with yours or into a new one, but I figure my flat’s pretty big as it is. I have the spare bedroom and that other room I have as an office but don’t really use. I think it could work.” Dan nods, trying to act like he isn’t as excited as he is about the prospect of them moving in together again. Putting the whole situation aside, he really did miss living with his best friend sometimes, even when he did annoying shit like leaving the cupboards open.

“I think that’s a great idea. I’ve always liked your flat better than mine, anyway.” Phil shrugs as if it’s common knowledge, but Dan is honestly a little shocked. Phil must notice this, because he rolls his eyes. “Come on, Dan. I always prefer to come over here instead of us staying at mine.”

Dan pouts slightly at the way Phil implies it’s so obvious. “I just thought maybe you didn’t want to tidy up, so you just thought it was easier to come here.” That earns him an elbow to the ribs, but he just laughs. “Alright, well if that’s sorted. We can start moving your things in whenever you want to.” Another thought occurs to him then, and he blushes. “Er- when we get approved and we get a child placed with us, we’ll probably have to share a bedroom.” He feels awkward suggesting it, but he knows it’s true.

Phil shrugs as if this doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it bothers Dan. “I figured. I hope you don’t steal blankets as bad as you used to.”

The comment is quick and just a general observation by someone who was close enough to Dan to have platonically shared a bed with him enough to know that sort of thing, but Dan still feels a blush crawling up his neck. Phil knew him so well, but sometimes the fact that he knew little domestic details like that still managed to surprise him.

“I do not do that. I don’t really think I ever did.” Dan offers lamely in his own defense.

Phil shrugs, staring at the tv as it cycles through different Netflix options. “Say what you want, Howell, but when we start sleeping together the truth will come out.”

Dan’s about to make a sarcastic comment, but the sound indicating that the take away guy is there is enough to make him think better of it, instead heading to the buzzer to let him in. “I’ll be right back. Do you want Ribena or some wine?” Dan asks as he grabs his wallet from where he’d left it earlier.

“Ribena, please.” Phil laughs as he allows himself to sink further down on the sofa. “I have to work tomorrow, and I don’t exactly feel like getting wine drunk tonight.”

Dan rolls his eyes but finds himself unable to stop grinning as he goes to collect the takeaway. “Boring,” he teases.

Phil sits up a little, before nodding to the staircase. “Want me to help carry everything back up?”

Shrugging, Dan gestures for Phil to follow him downstairs, where the delivery man is probably tempted to just leave. He goes to open the door with Phil by his side, double checking that the cash he had was enough to cover the food and a tip.

“Here you go,” the boy says, holding the food out. Phil reaches for it as Dan finishes counting the money before handing it over. The delivery boy looks a little surprised at first but smiles as he tucks the tip money into his pocket. “Thank you! You guys have a good night and enjoy your meal!”

Just as Dan goes shut the door, Phil calls out, “Thanks, you too!”

The door closes with a click and Dan turns around, giving Phil a look, raising his eyebrows when Phil doesn’t seem to catch on. “Phil,” he says slowly.

“What?” He asks, already halfway up the staircase.

Dan rolls his eyes as he follows. “You said “You too” to him,” he explains, exasperated.

Phil glances back at him before giggling. “No, I- you! He knew what I meant!”

“You should never be allowed to speak to anyone, ever.” Dan can only shake his head at his best friend.

“Oh, thank god, I won’t have to talk to you anymore!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!  
> follow me on twitter/tumblr @/phantasticworks for writing updates!


	3. Chapter Two

When Dan gets up for work the next morning, he’s unsurprised to find Phil already awake and fumbling around in the kitchen, probably making coffee. He smiles at the thought since he hates waiting for the stupid coffee machine to actually heat up in the mornings. After a quick shower, he throws on a pair of nice black trousers and a grey button down, muttering to himself about stupid professional dress code, which was truly one of the only things he actively hated about his job. No matter how many times he complained about it, nothing changed, however they did allow them to start having casual Fridays every week, which he was thankful for.

“Good morning!” Phil chirps from beside the coffee maker when Dan makes it into the kitchen. Neither of them are morning people, but Phil was just generally in a good mood, regardless of the time of day.

“Ugh,” Dan mumbles, smiling slightly despite the early hour when Phil hands him a One Direction mug full of coffee. “Thanks.”

They both sit down at the table after getting some cereal, and Dan realizes how early it truly is when he goes to look at his phone. “Do they have you going in early now or something?” He asks Phil, watching his best friend take a long sip of coffee before shrugging.

“Nah, but I figured since I was here you shouldn’t have to get up for work alone.” He begins shoveling cereal in his mouth, but Dan’s face is frozen in surprise as he hears this. Sure, Phil typically got up around the same time as him, but not usually on mornings when Dan had to be up early for work. But he doesn’t work himself up into a crisis over this. He smiles into his coffee, instead.

“I’d have slept in if it was me, to be honest with you.” Dan smirks as he begins eating his own cereal, yelping when he feels a sharp kick to his ankle under the table. “Hey!”

“Yeah, because I’m the older, more mature half of this relationship,” Phil smiles cheekily, his tongue poking out between his teeth even as Dan delivers a kick of his own. “Excuse you, Daniel! I didn’t kick you that hard.”

Dan only rolls his eyes at Phil’s proclamation. He’d managed not to fixate on the whole fake relationship thing too much, but now that Phil’s mentioned it, it’s back to the forefront of his mind. “Well, karma comes back tenfold, or something.” He shrugs before remembering something they still needed to talk about. “Hey, speaking of our wonderful, passionate, and totally real relationship,” He pauses, smirking when Phil just shoots him an unimpressed look. “We need to figure out logistics, like who proposed to who and all that. I can find us some rings on e-bay for realism, but we need to sort out a story.”

Phil nods along at this. “I think it would’ve been me. Like, the proposal thing.” He says casually. The way he says it causes Dan to shift, his cheeks heating up as he gives himself a moment to think about it. But then he’s imagining it happening and- nope, he derails this train of thought immediately. No. Bad.

Clearing his throat, he shoots Phil a look. “Why do you think it would’ve been you?”

Phil shrugs as if it should be obvious before replying, “You’re terrible at planning things, and I feel like you’d want to be on the receiving end.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, his face pales, seemingly having realized the double meaning his words could have.

“Oh really?” Dan mocks, unable to control himself when the opportunity to be a smartass has presented itself so conveniently.

“I meant a proposal! I just meant the proposal, god, Dan.” He tries to glare, cheeks turning pink as he brings his hands up to cover his face. “I just… I think I generally happen to be the type to make big romantic gestures.” He tries to turn the conversation back to that, and surprisingly, it works, as Dan is again imagining a proposal. Damn.

“I guess,” he finally concedes, finishing his coffee and standing to take the dishes to the sink, taking Phil’s bowl with him as he goes. “So, you proposed to me, say like four months ago?” He counts back in his head and realizes that puts their fake proposal in October, which is kind of perfect since it’s his favorite month, as well as their sort of friendiversary of when they met, which could make it more believable.

“Sure,” Phil shrugs, turning in his seat to watch Dan move around the kitchen, gathering the things he needs to take to work. “So, what do we have to do next with this whole fostering process? I know there’s interviews and stuff like that.” Phil hands Dan an apple from the fruit basket on the table for him to put with his lunch, and Dan nods.

“Uh, well I’ve got an email with some options for when we can go in for an information meeting; that’s the next step. And then I think it’s paperwork and interviews. Oh, and we have to go through training.” He says distractedly as he looks over some of the papers he had been looking at after work yesterday, mainly just volunteer opportunities to tell some students about.

“Alright. Just pick a date and time and tell me so I can put it on my calendar.” Phil finishes his coffee then, carrying the mug to the sink before running water over all the dishes and opening the dishwasher, filling it up as if he already lives there.

“Okay.” Dan shoves the papers in his bag before glancing over at Phil. “Do you want to start moving in soon or did you want to keep staying in your apartment until the lease is out?” He leans against the counter as he watches Phil, who shrugs.

“I figured I can start moving my stuff in here in a couple weeks. I don’t want to move everything at once, but in three months hopefully we’ll be closer to getting approved. And we’ll need to be pretty comfortable living together by the time we are.” He shrugs again before turning to meet Dan’s gaze.

Dan smirks at this, gesturing to what Phil is in the middle of doing. “I think we kind of already have that covered, Phil.”

Phil blushes at this, shaking his head. “You know what I mean. We’ll need to start sharing a room and stuff, just like you said. The sooner we get used to that, the better.” He hesitates before speaking again. “I think we should also probably look into changing up the guest room a bit, since that’s basically my room right now, and probably isn’t suited for a child.”

Dan nods, glancing at the digital clock on the stove. “Yeah, probably. We should get rid of that bed and maybe get a twin size instead. Maybe change the office into a proper bedroom in case we end up having more than one kid at a time?” He shrugs at his own suggestion, searching for his keys.

“Here,” Phil grabs them from the table and tosses them to him, rolling his eyes. “I swear you’d be lost without me here, Howell.”

Dan ignores the jab in favor of searching the fridge for his reusable water bottle, frustrated when he doesn’t see it immediately. “Do you know where-”

“I put it in your bag already, Dan,” Phil interrupts, nodding over to the messenger bag on the table.

“Oh,” Dan stops his search, staring mindlessly into the fridge for a moment. “We’re going to have to start buying more healthy groceries, Phil. We eat like children who shop in a candy shop.” The containers of mostly junk food mock him from their spots on the shelves.

Phil makes some sort of noncommittal hum to this, nudging Dan slightly to shut the door to the fridge. “Sure, we’ll do that. Now you need to go, or you’ll seriously be late, Dan.” He’s gently pushing him along, glancing at the clock over the oven nervously.

Dan allows this for a moment before he gasps, his hands flying down to his pockets. “Wait, my phone, I don’t have my phone.” He pats his jeans, his eyes searching around the counter frantically for his iPhone.

There’s a sigh behind him before he feels the strap of his bag being thrown over his shoulder. “You also forgot your bag, mate. Phone’s in the front pocket.” Phil pats his shoulder then before going back to finish filling up the dishwasher. “Text me when you get to work so I know you’re safe,” he calls casually over his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan rolls his eyes as he goes to tug his shoes on. “Are you coming back here after work?” He asks from the hall.

Phil closes the dishwasher after a moment before walking to the kitchen doorway, leaning against it as he watches Dan hop around trying to get his shoes on. “No, I’ll probably be at work later than usual, so I’ll probably just head back to mine. I’ll lock up here and everything when I leave though.”

Dan finally gets both shoes on his feet and sighs, nodding at Phil. “Okay. Come over tomorrow then? We’ve got to finish the new season of Riverdale at some point.” Dan almost feels like he’s being clingy, but he knows that Phil won’t take it that way.

As expected, Phil nods. “Yeah, I’ll be here. Now, go, you’re gonna be late if you don’t leave, and we both know Louise will make you buy her lunch if she has to cover for you.” He follows Dan as he walks to the front door, making shooing motions with his hands the whole time.

“I’m going, I’m going! Bye, Phil.” He laughs as he steps outside his flat, hearing Phil respond the same way.

He’s just made it to his car when his phone beeps with a text. He rolls his eyes as he sees that it’s Phil.

**_Phil: U need milk btw go to the shop after work_ **

**_Dan: thx mum_ **

****_Phil: Don’t sass me_ ** **

******_Dan: I’ll do what i want_ ** ** **

********_Phil: That’s it I want a divorce_ ** ** ** **

**********_Dan: no quit texting me im driving_ ** ** ** ** **

That ends their conversation, but Dan still smiles as he puts his phone away and focuses on driving.

When he gets to work, remarkably on time for once, he immediately goes to check his email for the dates for the information meeting. He checks his own calendar, which luckily is pretty bare, save for a few school events he had to work around. He pulls his phone out to text Phil what he thinks would be the best day, but his phone begins ringing almost immediately.

He’s surprised to see that it’s his mum, as he’d been sort of expecting it to be Phil. “Hey, mum.” He says as cheerfully as possible. It wasn’t entirely strange for her to be calling him, but he couldn’t think of any specific reasons why she would be.

“Hello, dear. How’re you?” She asks pleasantly.

“I’m well.” He realizes then that he and Phil hadn’t considered a very important aspect in all of their decision making. They’ll have to tell their parents something, especially Phil, since he was much closer to his family than Dan was to his own. They’d have to tell them they were fostering together, which would probably lead to a lot of questions on both sides. But, if they were going to do this, then Dan didn’t see any reason not to be honest from the start, at least with his own mum. “I was actually meaning to call you.”

There’s a pause, and his mother is clearly surprised when she speaks. “You were?”

He swallows his nervousness down, nodding to himself. He checks that his door is shut before leaning back in his seat to tell her what’s going on. “Yeah. I have some… news, I guess. It’s a little strange, but I was going to go ahead and tell you about it.”

“Alright.” She says hesitantly. “You’re making me nervous, Daniel, it’s nothing too bad, is it?”

“No, no. I mean, not exactly bad. Erm, well.” He takes a deep breath before just letting it out. “You know how I’ve always wanted to foster kids? Well, I’ve looked into it… and it turns out you have a better chance of doing it if you’re in a relationship.” He pauses, giving his mother a moment to process this, and hopefully get on the same page as him.

“Daniel is this your way of saying you have a girlfriend?” She chuckles, but he can tell she’s still confused.

He laughs nervously. He hadn’t considered that his mum might be disapproving of this because he’s pretending to be in a relationship with a man, but now he’s starting to wonder if he’s made a mistake even bringing it up. His parents knew he swung both ways, as he’d told them that way back when he was sixteen, but maybe it hadn’t stuck since he hasn’t really dated since he was eighteen.

“No, not exactly. But, like I said, there’s a better chance at getting approved if you’re in a relationship. So… Remember Phil?” He chews at his lip as he waits for a response.

“Yes, obviously.” His mother answers hesitantly.

“Well… This is going to sound really weird, and probably dumb, but basically, Phil and I are going to do that. Together.” He holds his breath as he waits for a response.

There’s silence, then a short laugh. “Are you joking?”

His stomach sinks as he realizes this was likely a mistake. He’s never been particularly close to his mother, but he can’t bear the idea of her being seriously upset with him over this. “No. I’m not.” He sighs, running a hand through his messy curls as he speaks again. “Obviously we aren’t actually together, but I really want to do this, mum, and he’s always wanted to do it as well. We figured we’d both have a better chance at getting approved if we did it together, and we’d be doing a great thing for these kids, mum-“

She cuts him off there, and his stomach churns. “Daniel be quiet for a moment. Do you really think this is a good idea?” Her voice is less hesitant than before, and she almost sounds bored.

“Well,” He stutters out, trying to think of a response that would satisfy her. “I mean, I think we’d be doing a good thing. So, yeah, I don’t see why it would be a bad idea. We’ve lived together before and we’re-“ He pauses. He’d almost said, “ _we’re basically already together_.” But that definitely wasn’t true, and he couldn’t just say that. Clearing his throat, he continues. “I just wanted to tell you we were doing this so that it doesn’t come as a surprise when we start actually fostering.”

His mum sighs, and he chews on his lip. “Okay, that’s not entirely what I meant, Dan. But if you can’t honestly see why this might be a bad idea, I’m not going to bother explaining it.” She pauses, and he’s relieved when her voice is softer than before. “I do think you’re doing a good thing, Dan. Any child would be lucky to have you in their lives, even if it’s not for very long.”

He lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding, a smile gracing his lips. “Thanks, mum.” He glances at his monitor, realizing he’d been on the phone for around ten minutes already. “I’m at work, but I can call later, unless you needed something?”

“Oh, right. I just wanted to tell you that your grandmother’s phone number has changed, dear.” After reciting the new number and giving him a minute to put it in his phone, she clears her throat. “I’ll let you get back to work, then. Let me know how the fostering process goes and tell Phil that I said hi. I love you.”

Dan nearly rolls his eyes at the mention of Phil, but he knows that his mum just genuinely likes him, and probably isn’t fully sold on the idea that they’re just faking their relationship for the sake of fostering. “I will, mum. Love you too. Bye.” He hangs up and immediately groans, tossing his phone onto the desk. The conversation could have gone worse, sure, but now that he’s done it, he feels as if he probably should have consulted with Phil before telling his mum at all. Oh well. His best friend is probably more than used to Dan’s fuck ups by now.

_Speak of the devil_ , Dan thinks as his phone beeps, a text from the man himself popping up.

**_Phil: Did u die_ **

**_Dan: no, sorry, mum called when i got in_ **

**_Phil: K glad you aren’t dead_ **

**_Dan: yeah u wouldn’t get any life insurance money if I was_ **

**_Phil: There goes my plan to murder you_ **

**_Dan: soz_ **

**_Dan: does Feb 14 work_ **

**_Phil: What_ **

**_Dan: for the meeting_ **

**_Phil: Oh I thought that was your way of asking me out_ **

**_Dan: no you spoon we’re engaged romance is dead_ **

**_Dan: but for real we need to go to the meeting is Wednesday ok_ **

**_Phil: Yeah lol that’s fine_ **

**_Dan: k it’s at 7_ **

**_Phil: Ok you’re driving_ **

Dan sends him a rolling eye emoji before telling him he’s got to confirm with the agency and then actually work. He smiles when Phil responds with nothing but a spoon emoji, shaking his head. They really were strange sometimes.

After emailing Hazel and confirming the date and time of their meeting, he gets a response with some paperwork attached that he needs to print out and fill in to bring to the meeting to officially get the process started. He prints it off almost immediately, his excitement getting the best of him.

Unfortunately, he does have actual work to do in regard to his real job, and he’s actually surprised at how motivated he is to be productive now that he’s got something to look forward to. Maybe this is how he’d feel if he was dating someone all these years or had a real family. He shakes his head at the thought, as it’s entirely ridiculous. He knows that he’s been perfectly content single all these years, and plus he had Phil, so what was even the point? This was just a new thing to be excited about and give him motivation. He wasn’t really lonely.

A phone call and a scheduled appointment to see his therapist later, he puts all of his personal life aside and begins calling students in for advising and things like that, his thoughts quickly being taken over with the things he’s dealing with in the present.

~~~

The day goes by fairly quickly when he’s in a motivated sort of mood, and he even takes the time to rearrange some of the things in his office, cleaning as he goes. At one point, Louise pops in to see if he wants to join her for lunch, and she’s surprised to see everything he’s changed. He’s slightly miffed at how shocked she is that he can actually clean, but when she questions him, he just shrugs. “Early spring cleaning, I guess.” Is his only response.

He feels exhausted by the time he gets home, and he’s almost relieved that Phil said he’d be working late, until he gets bored after a few episodes of The Office. Rather than be completely pathetic and text Phil to bother him while he’s at work, Dan decides to be productive, and goes online to order their rings. Phil may have thought it was a joke, but Dan fully intended on wearing them from now on, for realism, of course.

As he shops for the rings, he realizes he’s got no idea what his or Phil’s ring sizes even are. That may put a kink in his plans, and not even the good kind. Thinking it’s kind of inevitable to avoid bothering Phil at this point, Dan pulls out his phone to text him.

**_Dan: what’s your ring size_ **

**_Phil: Idk_ **

**_Phil: Why would I know that lol_ **

**_Dan: fuck idk but i need to know to order these rings_ **

**_Phil: I’m surprised you’re really doing that_ **

**_Phil: Why don’t we just go to goldsmiths and find cheap ones there_ **

**_Dan: idk because we aren’t actually getting engaged??_ **

**_Phil: Obviously I know that but wouldn’t it be easier to just get sized and get the rings that we know fit instead of trying to order them online and just hope for the best_ **

Dan considers this for a moment. He’d been willing to spend quite a bit on these rings on e-bay, considering they needed to look as realistic as possible, but he guessed there really wasn’t any harm in going to an actual jewelry store to get them. Besides, Dan liked nice things, so this would give him an excuse to have a nice piece of jewelry that he wouldn’t be able to justify otherwise.

**_Dan: ok actually that’s smart we should do that_ **

**_Phil: Wanna do that tomorrow?_ **

**_Dan: sure_ **

**_Dan: are you still at work_ **

**_Phil: yes_ **

**_Dan: im bored_ **

**_Phil: not my problem danny_ **

**_Dan: ok ew i hate that bye have fun at work_ **

**_Phil: have fun being bored danny_ **

Dan promptly tosses his phone away and then closes out of the tabs he had open, instead pulling up a new one to look at furniture for a kid’s room. He supposed that it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to really plan a whole bedroom without knowing the child’s preferences, but he still liked looking at all of it. He did need to order a new twin bed, and probably find out where to get rid of the guest bed, which he could probably wait and do in a couple weeks, after Phil had moved in.

The thought that he would soon be sharing a room with Phil made him inexplicably nervous. They’d shared a bed plenty of times before, and within the last few months, too. Now it just felt different.

He’s feeling too restless to sit and watch tv, so he decides to clean his room, which takes more time than he initially thought. Sorting through clothes that were thrown around the room leads to him going through his closet and pulling things out to donate, since he didn’t honestly need them. After feeling satisfied with that, he takes the sheets off his bed and starts a load of laundry before putting his spare sheets on the mattress. He’s feeling pretty tired at that point, but since he’s made it this far, he decides to go ahead and sweep the floor and then rearrange his shoes on their rack.

When he eventually feels accomplished enough with his work, he collapses on his bed with every intention of sitting there for a moment before going to switch the laundry. At some point he closes his eyes, just to take a moment to rest them, but the next thing he knows, he’s fast asleep, still wearing the same clothes he wore to work.

\---

Waking up is generally not a pleasant experience, and it’s even less pleasant when you wake up wearing dress clothes. Dan groans, rolling over and slinging an arm over his eyes. He shifts when he realizes that he’s pressed up against something, which doesn’t make sense, given his bed isn’t against the wall and last he checked, he had gone to sleep in an otherwise empty bed.

“I was wondering when you’d wake up. It’s already half eleven, mate.”

Dan nearly jumps when he hears the voice, an embarrassingly girlish scream ripping its way out of his throat as his arm flies away from his face in order to locate the source. Then he groans when he sees that it’s just Phil. “Why are you in my bed?” He grumbles, rolling over again so that half of him is basically laying in Phil’s lap as he glares up at his friend.

Phil, who is sat with his back against the headboard, legs spread out on the bed, rolls his eyes. “That’s no way to talk to your _fiancé_ ,” he snaps, his bitter tone surprising Dan slightly.

He studies Phil’s face for a moment, watching as blue eyes dart up to glare at the ceiling before eventually dropping back to meet Dan’s gaze. Dan quirks an eyebrow questioningly, tilting his head to the side so that his cheek is resting against Phil’s thigh. “Are you okay?” He asks, knowing that Phil rarely got ill with him unless he was either seriously mad, or just stressed about other things.

Phil stares at Dan for a moment before nodding slowly. “I’m fine, just tired. Are you going to get up? I figured we’d go ahead and get the rings, so we can get it out of the way.” His tone isn’t as harsh as it was before, but he’s still clearly bothered about something, and it’s obvious in the way he shifts his legs under the weight of Dan.

Dan shrugs, unmoving. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’re acting pissy.” He observes, watching as Phil’s jaw clenches, eyes flitting away from Dan.

“I’m fine. Get up, your elbow’s digging into my leg.” At this, he nudges Dan away from him, throwing his own legs off the side of the bed to stand. “I’ll go wait for you in the kitchen.” He barely glances at Dan on his way out, and the younger man sighs loudly. If it was going to be like this all day, he was pretty sure he’d rather be asleep.

After a shower, Dan changes into a pair of black skinny jeans and a jumper he knows Phil hates. Part of him just wants to see if Phil will be a dick about it just because he’s in a bad mood today, but the bigger part of him just wants to wear it because it’s genuinely comfy.

When he walks into the kitchen, Phil is sitting at the table, staring out the sliding glass door onto the balcony where there are a couple of pigeons are hopping around. He must hear Dan walk in, because he glances over, his eyes scanning Dan’s outfit. “It’s cold out.” Is all he says.

Dan stares at him, a frown on his face. What was going on with him? Phil always teased him about his potato sack jumper. Trying to act unaffected by the mood Phil seems to be in, he shrugs, walking to the sink to pour himself a glass of water. “Yeah?”

“You’ll get cold in that.” Phil comments, his eyes following Dan’s movements around the kitchen.

“I can handle myself, you know,” he tries to say it lightly, but it seems Phil’s bad mood has rubbed off on him, and it comes out a little harsher than he’d intended. He glances over to find a frown on Phil’s lips. “Is that just your subtle way of telling me to wear something else so you don’t have to be seen with me in this jumper?” He tries again, adding a smile when he says it.

Phil shrugs, looking away. “I don’t want you to get cold.” Is all he gets in return.

This makes him pause. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re being really short.” He crosses his arms, his gaze tracing over Phil’s perfect quiff and his stupid, adorable glasses. He’s wearing black jeans and a stupidly cozy looking jumper with a colorful bird on it, and Dan almost swears, because naturally Phil looks effortlessly warm and cozy, which does nothing to quell Dan’s sudden annoyance with him.

Phil sighs deeply, shaking his head slowly. He pushes his glasses into his hair and rubs his hands down his face. Dan suddenly gets a bad feeling, as Phil looks so exhausted. He doesn’t even look annoyed anymore, just so, so tired. When he speaks, Dan immediately wishes he’d been a little less harsh. “I’m fine, I promise. I’m just tired, Dan. I’m sorry I was a dick earlier. Can we just go and get this done? I honestly just want to watch Riverdale and eat Domino’s, not sit here and fight with you.” Phil looks up at Dan, squinting before he realizes he’s pushed his glasses up.

Dan swallows around the lump in his throat, glancing away for a moment. When his eyes travel back to Phil, he’s sat watching him, a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry,” Dan whispers, shame flooding him. He had no idea why Phil was so obviously upset, but that gave him no right to be a dick just because he felt like Phil was being one.

“Not your fault.” Phil answers softly, standing from the table. “Just… I’ve had a long week.” He tries to smile, but it falters, and he looks away from Dan, clearing his throat before nodding to the door, indicating they should leave.

Dan feels guilt creeping in, as it is his fault that Phil’s had a long week. Part of it was most definitely the whole fake relationship situation that they’re in right now, and that is definitely Dan’s fault. Instead of arguing some more, he just nods, grabbing his keys and wallet as he follows Phil out the door. He locks it behind them and they walk down to his car in silence. Phil didn’t drive, instead choosing to just order a cab everywhere, which Dan supposed in the long run was about the same price as owning a car, so generally they took Dan’s if they were going somewhere together.

The ride to the shopping center where the jewelry store is at is short and quiet, and Dan finds himself looking over at Phil much more than usual. Phil doesn’t return the looks, and the only words exchanged is Phil pointing out a dog in the window of a car that passes them.

When they get to Goldsmiths, Dan can tell that Phil is nervous. He’s not sure if it’s because of what they’re about to do or if it’s because of how convincing they’ll have to act to pass as a couple. Dan takes a risk and reaches for Phil’s hand as they walk to the door, trying not to be too offended when Phil’s first reaction is to pull away. “Hey.” Dan says gently, waiting until Phil’s focused on him before speaking again. “We don’t have to explain anything to these people. We don’t even know them, remember? And they don’t know us, and we’ll likely never see them again.”

When Phil nods, Dan goes to drop his hand, but suddenly Phil tightens his grip. Glancing at Dan, his cheeks grow slightly pink, but he doesn’t release his hand. “It needs to look real, remember?”

Dan is mentally cursing himself for thinking Phil just wanted to hold his hand. _Of course, he didn’t, he’s your best friend, why the hell would he think like that? Some people aren’t that weird, Dan_. He shakes his head lightly, trying to clear his stupid thoughts as he holds the door for Phil, their hands staying clasped as they walk into the shop.

They’re immediately greeted by a sales lady, a woman who’s probably around the same age as them, maybe older. “Hello, welcome to Goldsmiths, I’m Lauren. Is there anything I can help you two find today?” She glances at their hands, and her smile doesn’t waver in the slightest. Dan lets out a breath, glad that they weren’t going to be treated differently as a gay couple. _A fake gay couple_ , his consciousness reminds him helpfully.

“Actually yes,” Dan smiles, knowing that Phil always gets awkward in situations like this. Just as he thinks this, Phil’s left hand comes up and grips Dan’s forearm, clearly nervous. Dan casually begins stroking his thumb over Phil’s hand still clasped in his, his right hand tucking into his pocket. “We recently got engaged, but it was so spontaneous that we didn’t have rings, so that’s what we’re here for.” He smiles charmingly at the girl, letting his dimples show.

Lauren coos, gesturing for them to follow her. “Oh, that’s lovely! Well, we have a variety of selections right over here. What is your budget?” She asks, pausing as she goes around behind the cases of jewelry.

Dan glances at Phil, who shrugs, a small, unsure smile on his face. Turning back to the saleswoman, Dan smiles apologetically. “Well, we’re trying to save as much money as possible for the wedding and our honeymoon, so it would be great if you could show us some of your simplest choices. We’re not looking for extravagant, just simple.”

Apparently, the girl doesn’t find this shrewd or cheap, she just smiles broadly, as if that’s the sweetest thing she’s ever heard. “Of course! Let me go fetch the keys to this case and I’ll show you a few of our popular simpler rings.”

As she disappears behind a doorway, Phil snickers. Dan quirks an eyebrow at him in confusion. Phil rolls his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “ _We just want something simple_ ,” he mocks.

Dan’s jaw drops, and he huffs indignantly. “What? We’re not here to spend a fortune.”

Phil laughs again, nudging him gently. “Says the king of nice things. I think if you were picking out a ring for real, you’d pick out the most expensive one you could find.”

Dan goes to cross his arms, but can’t, as their hands are still linked. Instead, he huffs impatiently. “You have absolutely nothing to back that up with.”

Eyes widening in surprise, Phil reaches over, his fingers slipping under the collar of Dan’s shirt, rubbing the material between his fingers. “Yeah? What about this?”

Dan shivers as the motion of Phil’s fingers causes them to rub against his collarbone. He’d always had a weird thing about his neck area. Smacking Phil’s hand away, he pouts. “That’s not fair. You like nice things too.”

Phil smiles, his first real smile of the day, his tongue poking out between his teeth. Dan smiles as he sees this, and he feels his dimples reappearing. “Sure, but not like you do, Danny.” He pokes Dan’s dimple, laughing when Dan turns away, his finger following.

His face reddens when he sees the shop clerk standing there smiling at them both. Clearing his throat, he glances at Phil, who has just noticed her. His face flushes, and he ducks his head in embarrassment, dropping his hand away from Dan’s face.

“You are both too adorable.” Lauren gushes, going to open a case. Dan smiles at her, but as soon as her attention is elsewhere, he rolls his eyes at Phil, who only bats his eyelashes as if to prove her point. “So, here’s the simplest ring we offer, and the least expensive in our store. It’s two tone and comes in two different varieties. The most popular is the yellow and white gold.” She shows them a couple of rings, which in Dan’s opinion are kind of hideous. They’re two toned, sure, but he thinks that’s kind of tasteless. He glances at Phil for his reaction, which is sort of the same as his. A similar look of disinterest is on his face.

“They’re nice,” Dan offers before gesturing to the case again. “Not crazy about two toned, are we?” He glances at Phil again, who agrees. His eyes drop to Phil’s hand that’s still clutching his forearm, and he smiles when he realizes he’s absently tracing circles on the fabric of Dan’s jumper with his thumb.

“Not unless we don’t see something else we like more,” he allows, his left hand leaving Dan’s forearm for a second to point to something he sees in the case. “How about those?” He asks.

“Oh, absolutely. These are about fifty pound more, but they’re lovely.” She pulls out the rings Phil had gestured to, and Dan raises an eyebrow. They’re actually not bad. Simple, but elegant. There’s no diamonds imbedded, so it would look rather unremarkable if it weren’t for the engravings etched around the band. “This comes in white, yellow, or rose gold, nine carats. The engraving is done by hand. The most popular is the yellow gold, but we’ve actually sold our last one this week, but we can order your size if you decide on this.” Lauren explains.

Dan glances at Phil again, who’s already looking at him, an eyebrow raised. “We don’t know our sizes, but I think this might be perfect.” He tells Lauren.

The clerk nods, settling the little display box on top of the case before reaching into a drawer behind her. “We can get your sizes right now, and if you see a color you like I can see if we’ve got any in storage.” She hands them each a set of what looks like keys, but upon further inspection they find to be little metal things that have bands at the end. “Just slip the one you think might fit on your ring finger, and just try a few out to see which feels the best.”

They have to pull their hands apart to do this, and after a few tries, they each find the one that fits. Dan’s is a size bigger than Phil’s, but when they figure it out, they hand them back to her before she writes their sizes on a piece of paper. “Alright, do you have a metal you like the best?” She pushes the box towards them, probably to allow them to pull the rings out and inspect them a little more closely.

They both reach for the silver one, and Dan smirks. “Are we going to get the same metal?” He asks him, pulling the white gold ring out of the casing.

Phil grins. “I think we should. We need to match.” He ducks his head to look at the ring, while Dan just shakes his head.

“You’re a dork,” Dan mutters, glancing at the store clerk, who smiles.

They decide that they like the white gold the most, as Dan declares, “It’s the classiest of golds.” She disappears into the back room to check if they have their sizes in the white gold and tells them to feel free to look around until she returns.

Phil doesn’t move, but Dan tugs him towards the more expensive rings in curiosity. Laughing, Phil shakes his head. “I knew it! You and your expensive taste, Daniel.” He shakes his head as if he’s disappointed.

Dan rolls his eyes. “I just want to see what they think is like super fancy.” They hover over the case, and Dan wrinkles his nose. “These aren’t that nice,” he whispers loudly. Phil elbows him for this. “Hey! I’m just saying. They’ve just got a few simple bands with like one diamond in the center. I think ours look way better.” He nods obnoxiously, and it’s Phil’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Right.” He tugs Dan back over to where the girl is coming out of the storage room, two boxes in her hands. Dan’s stomach flips involuntarily as he eyes the little ring boxes.

“You two are in luck! We had your sizes, and in the right metal. Shall I ring you up while you try them on?” She asks, holding the small velvet boxes out to them.

Dan goes very still, suddenly unwilling to touch these very real rings, as if they’re symbolic of the very big mess he’s made. Luckily, Phil must not be having the same crisis, because he’s able to answer the saleswoman. “Sure, thanks.” He takes both of the boxes, turning to give Dan a concerned glance as they walk to the back of the store where the till is. He stops as they reach the counter, opening one box while Lauren goes to get their price book and the paperwork that has the information about the rings.

When Phil realizes that the box he’s opened contains Dan’s ring, he tugs Dan’s left hand up, gently sliding the ring on his fourth finger. Dan’s throat constricts as he studies his best friend’s face. His focus is on the ring, and he watches as those blue eyes study the ring, before a small smile breaks out on his face. Dan’s almost certain he’s going to throw up at the way Phil’s eyes shift to meet his, that fond smile not falling away. “How’s it feel?” He asks, dropping Dan’s hand and opening the other box, pulling his own ring on without much fuss.

Dan flexes his fingers, feeling the weight of the metal against his ring finger. It’s new and different, but not uncomfortable. The metal is light, so he doesn’t really notice it that much. “It’s nice. Yours?” He asks, his eyes finding the ring on Phil’s left hand.

Phil nods, glancing down at it. “It’s weird.” He frowns, a look of pain crossing his face.

“Is it too tight?” Dan asks, concerned. Phil shakes his head slowly, his eyes coming to meet Dan’s again. There’s something sad in his expression, but Dan’s not entirely sure why.

“It’s perfect.” Phil says quietly, turning to face the counter just as the clerk walks back out with a few papers. Dan’s stomach is somersaulting. It’s uncomfortable, and he wishes it would stop.

“Okay, so we have a sale going on with engagement rings right now, and since you’re buying them in a set, you’ll get them forty percent off.” Lauren announces, smiling. Dan tunes out as she goes over the information about returns and exchanges and how they have warranty on them for five years. He just nods along, and when the total comes up to three hundred pounds, he doesn’t even blink as he pulls out his credit card, handing it over.

Phil looks slightly surprised, but Dan purposely doesn’t meet his gaze. Lauren hands him his receipt, a smile on her face. “Thank you, and I hope you two have a great day, and a wonderful wedding. I wish you all the best in your marriage.” She smiles before waving, disappearing into the back again as they head out of the shop in silence.

Dan’s head is spinning with thoughts about the rings and the fake engagement, and he’s finding it very hard to not freak out. “I need a second,” he mutters to Phil when they make it outside. “Here, give me like five minutes, please.” He hands over the keys to his car, and Phil looks confused.

“Are you alright?” He asks, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Yeah, yeah, just not feeling well all of a sudden,” he mutters, going to step away. Phil’s hand catches his, keeping him in place.

“If you aren’t feeling well, shouldn’t you head home and get some rest?” He prods, raising his eyebrows, a frown on his lips.

Dan shakes his head adamantly. “I just need to take a walk for a second. I’m fine, I’ll be back in a few minutes, I swear.” He tries to smile, but he’s sure it looks more like a grimace.

Phil hesitates before letting go, holding the keys in his hand before nodding slowly and turning to go to the car. “If you aren’t back in five minutes, I’m coming to look for you,” he warns. Dan nods, turning away.

If someone had told him just last week that we would be buying engagement rings with his best friend today, he would have called them crazy, and probably call a mental institution to see if they had any open spots. Now that it’s actually happening, however, Dan is having a crisis. The problem isn’t even that it feels weird, or wrong, even. The problem is that it doesn’t; if anything, he can’t really imagine doing something like this with anyone else. He shakes his head vigorously.

No, he would absolutely not go there. It had been years, literal years, since he’s had those kinds of thoughts about his best friend, and he’d gotten over it. They were silly whims born out of loneliness and the fact that Phil is who he spent the majority of his time with. That’s it.

He’s being stupid.

After taking a few minutes to catch his breath and clear his head, Dan slowly makes his way back to his car. Phil is leaning against the driver’s side, a frown on his face. Dan’s thankful that he doesn’t question him as he hands him the keys, instead climbing in the car in silence.

They don’t speak about it on the way back to Dan’s flat. After they’ve taken their shoes off and go upstairs to turn on a movie, Phil looks at Dan with a frown on his lips. “Are you okay?” He asks quietly, sitting on the sofa and looking up at Dan as he stands by the sofa, looking for the show they’re going to watch on Netflix.

He nods, glancing at his best friend with a shrug, trying to be as casual as possible about his little moment earlier. “It’s just been a busy day. Do you still want Domino’s?” He asks, finally selecting the show and joining Phil on the sofa.

“Sure. Want me to order?” Phil asks. When Dan nods, he rises, going to grab his laptop off the armchair. Dan hadn’t noticed it sitting there, and his brows furrow. That hadn’t been there last night, had it? And Phil didn’t have anything with them when they got back… Come to think of it, Phil didn’t even go upstairs this morning at all.

“When did you get here?” He asks suddenly, his lips set in a confused frown. Phil glances up, confusion flitting across his face momentarily before he shrugs, glancing back at his laptop.

“Last night.” He responds, clicking away on his laptop, presumably typing in Dan’s address to get the pizza delivered.

“What?” Dan asks dumbly. Phil hadn’t been over last night. Dan had gone to sleep after his cleaning spree, probably around ten o’clock, and Phil hadn’t been there. “What time did you get here?” He isn’t mad, just really confused.

Phil’s cheeks are tinged pink when he looks up. “Er- I think around eleven or so? You said you were bored, so I stopped by mine after work to grab some clothes, and then got a cab over here because I figured you’d be up watching a movie or something.” He shrugs again before smiling softly. “But when I let myself in, you were already asleep.”

Dan considers this for a moment, then shrugs. “I guess I’m just a deep sleeper and didn’t hear you come in. Sorry I wasn’t awake, though.” He feels almost bad for making Phil entertain himself, but he was pretty sure he survived just fine on his own.

“It’s fine. Not your fault I just barged in without even bothering to check if you were up,” he shrugs, setting the laptop aside and coming back over to the sofa.

Dan snorts, shifting to throw half the fuzzy blanket over Phil’s lap. “Might as well get used to it, I guess. Soon you’ll be barging into my bed every time you come in late.” He rolls his eyes, throwing his feet over Phil’s lap as he normally does when they’re watching something together.

Phil hesitates, licking his lips before speaking. “Speaking of that, actually,” he glances at the tv, finding the episode playing was one they’d already seen, so they weren’t missing anything by talking instead of watching. “When do you think we should start doing that?”

Dan shrugs as if he couldn’t care less. He’s always been a good actor. “Whenever you want to, I guess. The sooner we get used to it, the better, I reckon.”

Nodding, Phil shifts so that Dan’s legs are almost slipping off his lap. Phil catches them, shifting until he’s comfortable before pulling Dan’s legs back into his lap, propping his arms over them. “Alright. Want to do it tonight? I can sleep in the guest room if you don’t want to, I just figured, you know, since I’m here.” Phil doesn’t meet his gaze, keeping his eyes trained on the tv as Dan stares at him.

“Sure. I just washed my sheets, actually, so you’ve picked a good night.” He smiles when Phil glances at him, and whatever awkwardness that had surrounded that conversation evaporates.

“Oh, goody!” Phil says sarcastically. Dan pulls one leg up and pinches Phil’s thigh with his toes, causing him to scream. “Dan!” His expression is one of surprise, but his eyes are bright with happiness.

Dan just laughs, shifting to lay on his side and watch the show. Their pizza gets there a few minutes later, causing their position to be ruined, but it’s fine since they have pizza to make up for the lack of comfy seating. A few episodes of Riverdale (Phil’s choice) and an empty pizza box later, Dan is back in his favorite tv-watching position, his head buried into one end of the sofa, while his legs are spread over Phil’s lap, feet on the other side. Phil decided to start hogging the blanket, so Dan was pouting at his end of the sofa.

Getting an idea, he tilts his head over to look at his best friend. “Since we’re sleeping together tonight anyway, can we watch a scary movie?” He asks, watching as Phil’s gaze slowly leaves the tv to meet his own. Dan nearly rolls his eyes; Phil’s crush on basically any shirtless male in this show is honestly pathetic.

Phil looks slightly shocked, but Dan figures dancing around the decisions they’ve made doesn’t make it easier for either of them, so instead he was taking full advantage of them. “What?” Phil asks, like he didn’t hear him.

Dan does roll his eyes then. Of course, KJ Apa was currently the sole recipient of Phil’s short attention span. “I wanna watch a scary movie. If I’m not going to be sleeping on my own anyway, then I want to watch something scary, like The Conjuring or something.”

Phil shrugs. “Sure, if you wanna. Do you want to finish this episode first?” He asks, his eyes already back on the screen.

“Not really, but you’ll be grumpy if I don’t let you stare at KJ Apa, so sure.” He saw the appeal, sure, but he preferred Cole Sprouse. His dark hair and attitude in this show were just too good to resist.

They decide to watch Hush when they’ve finished the Riverdale episode, since Dan hadn’t seen it yet. Not long into the movie, he fully understands just why he’d avoided watching it on his own. He’s taken the entire blanket from Phil, wadding the majority of it up to cling to, shoving his face in the fluff every time the music starts playing as the killer creeps around the deaf girl’s house.

“Dan!” Phil whines, tugging at the blanket. “I’m cold, give me the blanket.”

“Fuck off,” Dan responds through his teeth, his nerves out of control as the girl realizes she’s not alone. Just as he goes to hide in the blanket again, it’s tugged away completely. “Hey!” He shouts, shooting up indignantly to glare at his thief of a best friend.

Phil giggles, his tongue poking out. “I told you I was cold.” Dan crosses his arms, pouting as he pulls his legs off Phil’s lap, glaring at the tv. Phil sighs dramatically before holding out one end of the blanket. Dan goes to grab it, but Phil clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “No, come here. I’m not giving you the blanket just because you’re a baby and can’t handle a few jump scares, but you’re welcome to come over here to hide.”

Dan grumbles to himself as he scoots closer to Phil, who tucks the end of the blanket around Dan, settling back and tucking the other end around himself. “I hate you,” Dan mutters, pulling his legs up and wrapping his arms around them under the blanket.

“Aw, _hun_ ,” Phil says obnoxiously. Dan elbows him in the ribs sharply, causing him to yelp.

“Ew. I hate that, don’t ever say that again.” He crinkles his nose, causing Phil to just laugh again. Their attention is taken back to the screen when an alarm starts going off in the movie, Dan jumping comically as he sees the face of the killer through the glass. “Fuck this film.” He mutters, shoving his face into the blanket, around where his hands are.

“Aww,” Phil coos, and Dan suddenly feels a hand rubbing circles on his back. “Poor thing.” He mocks.

Dan grumbles, but the contact is nice, and he finds himself shifting even closer to Phil. Glancing up at his best friend, he raises his eyebrows to question if this is alright. The older man regards him for a moment before nodding, holding his arm out and allowing Dan to cuddle up to his side, Phil’s left arm coming around Dan’s shoulders. His hand gently brushes against the side of his head, guiding him to lean it against Phil’s shoulder.

The position they’re in is decidedly not platonic, as Dan is tucked up under Phil’s arm, shivering when he feels Phil tracing his fingertips up and down Dan’s arm gently. Although, with how much has changed between them this week, this doesn’t even feel weird to him. It feels safe and comforting, and maybe he shouldn’t feel so content in the arms of his best friend, but Dan doesn’t feel even slightly weird about it. It just feels so right, deep down in his bones, and he doesn’t even think to question why.

For the rest of the movie they stay just like that, and Phil teases Dan every time he freaks out. But when they go downstairs to go to bed after the movie, Phil’s the one who feels the need to double check the sliding door to the balcony and the front door several times before he feels okay about going to bed. He fetches his bag from the guest room and Dan finds him sitting on his bed when he gets back from brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas.

“Do you still sleep on the right side?” Dan asks as he throws the duvet back, flicking the lamp on his bedside table on.

Phil glances at him in surprise before nodding. “Er- yeah.” He stands with his toothbrush, having already changed into his awful emoji pajamas while Dan was in the bathroom. “Be right back. Don’t disappear and try to prank me, because I’m expecting it and it won’t work,” he warns before disappearing into the bathroom.

Dan rolls his eyes before crawling under the sheets. He’d been planning on doing it, but he was too tired and didn’t particularly care enough to bother with pranking him now. He begins to get nervous again, thinking about sharing a bed with Phil, but luckily, he doesn’t have long to panic before Phil’s walking back in and flipping the light off, so that the only light is coming from Dan’s lamp.

It’s quiet as Phil sets his glasses on the bedside table on the right side of the bed before climbing in next to Dan. They’re closer than he expected, which is clear as Phil rolls over to face Dan and they’re nearly nose-to-nose. Dan blushes and shuffles back slightly. “Sorry,” he whispers. “Might take me a bit to get used to sharing my space.”

Dan notices as Phil swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing, Dan’s eyes inexplicably drawn to the movement. “It’s fine, as long as you don’t kick me or steal all the covers.” Phil shrugs, and Dan jokingly goes to kick him, but Phil must be expecting that, because instead his foot is trapped between Phil’s legs.

Smirking, Phil tugs on Dan’s foot, causing him to whine. “Give me my- leg!” He fusses quietly, trying to pull his foot away. Phil snickers before letting him go.

“I don’t have to play fair, I’m the oldest.” He says proudly.

Dan rolls his eyes at this, rolling over onto his back. “I’m sure you’ve been hearing Martyn say that your whole life, huh?” He asks. Phil nods sheepishly. “Night, Phil.” He turns over again to face the other way, as he normally does, trying to steady the wild beating of his heart. He’s clearly still nervous from the movie, that’s all.

“Night, Dan.” Is the response he gets. He feels the bed shift a little before Phil must finally get comfortable, and soon he hears his breathing begin to even out. Dan tries not to be bitter than Phil found rest so easily, while it takes him a while to ease the weight on his chest and sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you Blue for your support and love <3  
> thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Come back next Friday for the next update!  
> also, I'll be posting snippets and sneak peeks for this story on my tumblr and twitter so if you're interested in that you can find me @phantasticworks both places!


	4. Chapter Three

The next few days all blur together. Phil goes back to his own flat on Sunday evening, Dan had a meeting Monday night, and Phil had to work late Tuesday, so they decided that Phil would come back over to Dan’s after work Wednesday. That way they could go to the information meeting together that evening. Dan was sluggish and exhausted Monday, which felt ridiculous since he’d been lounging around practically all weekend. 

When Wednesday rolls around, Dan is so excited he can hardly stand it. He’s more than ready to start the fostering process, and he knows that Phil is excited too. He’d caught him watching fostering story-times on YouTube the other day. Dan checks Facebook while he waits for Phil to get there, having already changed into jeans and a grey t-shirt for the meeting. He didn’t think this was like a formal thing, and he refused to look professional if he didn’t have to.

He hears the door opening downstairs but doesn’t bother moving from his position on the sofa. He’d decided long ago that one of his favorite positions to lounge around in was upside down on the sofa, his head dangling at an awkward angle, with his legs thrown over the back of it. They probably had about fifteen minutes before they needed to leave here to be on time anyway, so he didn’t want to move just yet. “I’m upstairs!” He calls out instead, allowing his best friend to come to him.

“I grabbed your mail on the way in. You need to make a dentist appointment, according to them. You also got a- oh. What are you doing?” Phil’s voice carries up the stairs, and Dan’s position doesn’t really allow him to get a good look at him until he comes to stand nearly in front of the tv.

“Hi. I’m just hanging out.” He grins, and he thinks that maybe the blood rushing to his head is making him delusional, because that joke is absurdly funny to him for some reason. “Hanging out?” Phil just shakes his head slowly, an incredulous look on his face.

“I can’t believe I agreed to pretend to be engaged to you. You’re really weird.” The older man declares, moving to place Dan’s mail on his coffee table. “Are you ready to go? We probably shouldn’t be late.” Phil crosses his arms, staring down at Dan. When Dan raises his gaze, he’s basically just given a perfect view of Phil’s crotch, and only when he tilts his head can he gaze at his disapproving face. He’s grateful for the fact that his face is already flushed, or else he’d surely be blushing at the way his eyes dart back to Phil’s crotch before he lets his head fall and his gaze falls to his ankles instead.

“Sure. Help me up.” He swings his arms up, waiting patiently while Phil helps him sit up, supporting his back as Dan swings his legs off the couch. “Thanks.” He groans, holding his throbbing head as soon as he’s right-side up again.

“No problem,” Phil smiles, then shakes his head at Dan. “I think you’re getting too old for that, Dan.”

“You’re getting old.” Dan retorts childishly, standing and grabbing his black denim jacket off the sofa where he’d left it earlier. He shrugs it on as he glances over at Phil, his hands halting their movements as he takes in Phil’s appearance. “Oh, no. Nope. We are _not_ double-denim-ing.” He crosses his arms.

Phil looks confused until he glances down at his own black jeans, red and white striped shirt, and his light blue denim jacket. He immediately starts cackling, shrugging at Dan with a smirk. “Well, I’m not changing.” Crossing his arms to mirror Dan, they stand staring at each other like that, as if they’re having a staring contest.

“Well I’m not changing either.” Dan grumbles. “This is one of the only shirts that looks good with this jacket, and I’m not changing both.” He isn’t wavering, but he also considers that part of him is just secretly a bit smug that they look like a matching couple, even if it was completely unintentional.

Phil shrugs, turning to head down the stairs. “Then I guess we’re going to match. Come on, traffic might be bad, so we need to get there with time to spare.”

Dan mutters under his breath the whole way out the door and to his car, and eventually Phil asks him to either speak loud enough where he can hear what he’s complaining about or just shut up. Dan opts for the latter, mainly because he’s running out of insults.

Finding the office where they’re supposed to meet with Hazel at isn’t very difficult, but Phil is a terrible navigator. Dan decides this after they’ve taken two wrong turns, since Phil can’t tell his left from his right. “I’m just directionally challenged, Dan!” In response, Dan announces that his navigator privileges are being revoked.

“You’re lost, Phil. Lost.” He retorts as he makes a turn that would allow them to backtrack enough to get to the street they needed to be on.

“No, _we_ are lost.” Phil waggles his engagement band in Dan’s face. “That’s what being engaged _means_. Together.”

“That’s so stupid.”

When they walk inside, Dan takes in all the information posters with pictures of happy, smiling children, and he almost cringes. Sure, they serve a purpose, but do they have to be everywhere? He puts on a smile when the receptionist looks up at them, casually gripping Phil’s right hand with his left, figuring they needed to look light a proper couple from the start.

“Hi, what can I do for you?” The blonde asks with a smile.

“We’re here to see Ms. Hayes, I’m Dan, and this is Phil.” He introduces them, gesturing to his best friend as he does so.

“Oh, of course. Hazel’s office is down the hall, second door on the left. She’s expecting you, so the door should be open.” The girl smiles at them, gesturing to the hallway.

“Thanks. Come on, dear,” he adds, tugging Phil along.

As soon as they’re out of earshot, Phil’s elbow digs into his side. “ _Dear_ ,” he mocks quietly.

“ _Shut up_ ,” Dan hisses. “It’s for appearances, like the rings.”

Phil mumbles something that sounds like it ends with, “… because it bothers me.” But Dan ignores him, knocking lightly on the door frame of the room they’d been directed to. A girl with light ginger hair is sat at a desk, a paper in one hand as her eyes flit back and forth from it to the computer screen in front of her. She startles at the noise but smiles when she sees them.

“Hazel? I’m-“ He begins, stepping into the room.

Hazel stands, cutting him off as she does, holding her hand out for him to shake. “You must be Dan! And this is…” Her eyes shift to Phil and she blushes slightly, and Dan realizes then that he’d never specified that his fiancé was a man. Fuck, would this ruin it? He hadn’t even considered asking a woman to do this, mainly because he wasn’t close enough to any in order to ask something like this, but still. Was homophobia a thing in this situation?

“His fiancé. Phil Lester,” Phil steps in, dropping Dan’s hand in favor of shaking Hazel’s, an easy smile on his face. The older man may get awkward during things like shopping trips, but he was an expert on interviews.

“Of course! Please, have a seat.” She gestures to the chairs in front of her desk, and Dan is relieved to see that she doesn’t seem disgusted by the fact that they’re a same sex couple. Hopefully her initial reaction had just been surprised because she hadn’t thought to expect it. “Let me grab my paperwork, and we’ll get started.” She smiles at them.

They both nod, and Dan pipes up, “Sounds great.” He shares a nervous glance with Phil, who smiles at him reassuringly. Dan isn’t sure why, but he inexplicably feels that he should be holding Phil’s hand right now. The chairs they sit in are close enough to allow it, but he keeps his hands to himself.

“So,” Hazel says conversationally as she shuffles some papers around on her desk. “Have you guys discussed who’s taking whose surname? When you get married, of course.” She smiles, as if this is something they’d thought about.

They glance at each other before looking back at her, both of them answering simultaneously, “He’s taking mine.” Immediately after, they both turn to face each other in surprise.

“Um-“ Phil starts, clearly realizing that they may have messed up, considering she might take this to mean they hadn’t thought about it, which might make their relationship look unrealistic.

Dan laughs, then, both nervous and because, somewhere in his brain he has registered that it was funny that they’d said the same thing. He turns to Hazel, placing his left hand over Phil’s right and patting gently. “We’re hyphenating them. So, technically, we’re taking each other’s.” He lies smoothly.

Phil nods along, before shrugging. “I personally think we should just combine them. We could be the Howlters, Dan.” He grins at this, and Dan rolls his eyes, because of course Phil would come up with something stupid and ridiculous that makes it actually sound like they’d had it thought out.

Hazel laughs at this good-naturedly, not missing a beat. “I think either are good choices, personally. So, you two are going to be co-fostering, correct?” She confirms, moving swiftly into the reason they’re here.

“Yes,” Dan nods, and it’s only then that he realizes he hadn’t removed his hand from Phil’s. He glances over at the older man, who only gently turns his hand over to allow Dan to lace their fingers together. Dan swallows hard, feeling conflicted about how normal and safe the contact feels. He quickly turns his gaze away, looking at Hazel instead.

“Great! So, basically all we needed to discuss today is how the process works, logistics, things like that. If you feel you need more time after this meeting to think about it, then you can just give me a call when you’re ready to take the next step, or just go ahead and begin the application process, if you’re certain about your decision.” She pushes a pamphlet across her desk for them to take, and Dan glances at Phil once before grabbing it. They both knew they’d be filling out the paperwork at the end of this session, but they’d humor her, anyway.

“Sounds great,” Phil says with a smile.

“Well, let’s get started!” Hazel smiles broadly at both of them before picking up a paper. “So, the first thing you need to be aware of…”

\---

“That was _exhausting_ ,” Dan whines as they climb into the car nearly an hour later. Phil snorts from beside him, where he’s putting his seatbelt on.

“This was _your_ idea.” He reminds him easily, staring out the window as Dan begins driving back to his -their- flat.

Dan sighs, running a hand through his curls. “Yeah, I know. I don’t regret it or anything, it was just a long meeting, and I feel like I knew all that already.” He glances over at Phil, who hasn’t looked at him since they got in the car. “Are you alright?” He asks softly, bringing his hand down to rest on Phil’s wrist.

Phil looks down at the contact, but just nods. Dan waits for him to speak, and when it becomes obvious that he isn’t going to, he draws his hand away. He’s surprised when Phil catches it, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. “Eighty percent, Dan.” He turns his wide blue eyes to Dan then, and the brunet is confused. “She said that eighty percent of children in England are in foster care.” His eyes are shining, and Dan suddenly understands his silence.

The older man hadn’t always been sentimental, but as he’d gotten older, Dan guessed he’s gotten more in tune to his emotions, and now that something like this has come up, he was getting overwhelmed. “I know,” he says softly, squeezing his best friend’s hand tightly in his own. “We’re doing a good thing, you know. We may not have the best methods, but we’ll be doing a good thing.” 

Phil nods, staring out the window again, but not releasing Dan’s hand. The younger man didn’t mind; he was happy to hold hands with his best friend like this and being a source of comfort always filled him with pride. He felt like he had spent so much of his life being someone who relies on others, it was really nice to feel like he was needed every now and then. Especially since this was his best friend in the entire world, and probably one of the only people Dan trusted with his own life.

“Can we stop by my flat? I want to grab some of my things since it’s on the way.” Phil requests suddenly.

Dan nods, glad Phil had spoken up when he did, as the street he lived on was coming up. “Sure.” He drags his thumb against the back of Phil’s hand in small circles, hoping to comfort him. 

They walk into Phil’s flat in silence, and Dan trails around the living room while Phil goes to his room to collect whatever he’d wanted to get. They would probably need to start moving his things in sooner or later, and he smiled at the idea of having sleepovers every night with his best friend. It would be just like it was before, when they lived together, except they’d have more space and be more financially stable. Also, they’d have a child (children?) to take care of. No big deal.

“Alright,” Phil says as he comes out of his room carrying a backpack. He had a pillow under his arm, and he blushes when Dan raises an eyebrow. “I’m kind of a cuddler when I sleep, so-“ He begins explaining.

Dan laughs, nodding. “I remember, Phil. We used to share a bed all the time, remember?” The reminder throws him back to when they lived together before, the nights spent passed out in their couch, limbs overlapping as the Mario Kart menu screen flickered.

Phil nods. They leave quietly, and Phil instinctively locks the door behind them. Dan notices then how stuffed Phil’s bag appears to be. As they walk to the car, he asks, “So, how long are you staying?”

Shrugging, Phil tosses the bag into the backseat as they climb into the car. “I figured I’d stay the night, and might as well just start gradually moving my stuff in, right?”

Dan nods in agreement. “Yeah, course.” He hesitates before glancing at Phil again, then clearing his throat. “You know I don’t care how long you stay, right? I mean, yeah you’re moving in soon and all, so obviously you’ll be stuck at that point, but if you want to just start staying with me now, I don’t mind.” He says softly.

Phil stares at his window before nodding slowly. “I know. I just…” His lips quirk downward for an instant. Blink and you’d miss it. “I think we have a lot to talk about.”

“Of course.” Dan mumbles, bringing his hand up to intertwine with Phil’s again. “Do you want Domino’s tonight?” He asks as he parks.

Phil shakes his head, squeezing Dan’s hand once before pulling away and opening the door to get out. “We’ve had a lot of junk lately, we need to start cooking more. Get into the habit now.” He explains, shouldering his backpack as they walk inside the building to the elevator.

“Okay. What would you like? I think I’ve got some stuff for stir fry, or I can do some rice?” Dan suggests.

Biting his lip, Phil shakes his head. He looks hesitant before he raises his eyebrows. “Breakfast?” 

Dan laughs in response, nodding. “Sure. If that’s what you want.” He shrugs, unlocking the front door now that they’re there.

After taking their shoes off, Phil disappears into the bathroom to take a shower and change into pajamas, and Dan reckons he needs some space to process how he’s feeling. Dan goes about his work in the kitchen after shrugging off his jacket and tossing it carelessly onto the table, pulling out eggs and some bacon and bread for toast. It may not be a full English, but it would have to do until the next time they could go grocery shopping. 

He doesn’t realize it, but as he cooks he starts singing to himself softly, and he’s not even aware enough of it to really realize what it is that he’s singing. It’s just a habit from living alone for so long and needing something to occupy himself with while he does mundane tasks like this. It’s not until he hears a voice that he stops, jumping in surprise.

“What?” He spins around to face Phil, who’s stood on the other side of the island in his boxers, water dripping from his hair onto a holey tee-shirt that he’s had since before Dan even met him. 

“I said that you sounded nice. What was that?” Phil says, leaning on the counter casually, as if he hadn’t nearly given Dan fifteen simultaneous heart attacks by sneaking up on him in his pants.

“Oh. I don’t know. What did it sound like?” His mind is drawing a blank, helpfully choosing to fixate on a bead of water meandering down his best friend’s throat. 

Phil shrugs in response, looking at him with a small smile. “I don’t know, you listen to more music than I do. You sound better than you used to, though. You used to sound like a dying cat when you’d sing in the shower.” He grins broadly. His insult earns him a dish towel thrown directly in his face. “Oi!” He laughs.

“You can’t make fun of the chef and expect to get away with it. Besides, you’re getting a free concert, so I’d shut the fuck up if I were you.” He says lightly, flipping over the bacon. He feels the (now damp) dish towel hit his back, and he sighs exasperatedly before picking it up and tossing it to lay over his shoulder.

Phil doesn’t respond immediately, and Dan barely has time to grow suspicious before Phil’s hand is covering his mouth. Dan’s eyes widen, and he struggles to shift his head to the side to glare at his best friend. “What are you doing?” His voice is muffled, and he has half a desire to lick Phil’s palm. 

Shrugging, a grin stretches across Phil’s lips. “I’m shutting the fuck-up.” There’s a brief silence before Dan huffs, unimpressed. This is followed by a squeal, courtesy of Phil, and Dan only grins as he takes a step back. “You licked my hand!” He whines, waving his hand around pathetically before rubbing it across Dan’s shoulder blades, effectively ridding his hand of Dan’s saliva. 

The brunette only shrugs and gestures to the cupboard on the other side of Phil. “Get some plates out, you spoon. If you’re going to be in my kitchen, you’re going to be useful.”

“Our kitchen,” Phil sing-songs. His tongue pokes out between his teeth when Dan pinches him, but he does go to retrieve the plates. “Speaking of which,” he says hesitantly.

“Yeah?” Dan says curiously, glancing at him before turning his attention to the bread that needed to be toasted.

“I think I should start paying half the rent. Like, when I properly move in.” Phil says casually, not meeting Dan’s eyes as he sets the plates down.

Dan’s jaw nearly drops then, and he stares at Phil incredulously. “No. Absolutely not, that was part of the deal, remember? Your lease was going out and moving here just made the most sense.” 

“Dan,” Phil sighs in exasperation. “I’m not trying to like, take your flat from you or something, it’s just-“ he begins.

Cutting him off quickly, Dan shakes his head again. “No, I’m not even entertaining this with you. No. You can help with, like, groceries, or something.” He shrugs, stepping back over to stir the eggs. Phil’s leaning back against the counter beside the stove, and Dan purposefully keeps his gaze from lingering on his shirtless form.

Sighing, Phil shakes his head. “That’s not fair to you, Dan.” He says softly.

Dan shrugs. “I’ve been paying rent here on my own for years now, Phil. It’s not a problem, really.” Without waiting for anymore argument, he scoops some eggs and bacon on a plate before handing it to Phil. Perfectly timed, the toast jumps out of the toaster then. “Breakfast is ready.” He smiles, turning to go over to the fridge for some orange juice. Even if it wasn’t morning, breakfast food was cause for breakfast drinks. Phil sighs, but apparently chooses to drop the subject, at least for now.

They eat at the table in the kitchen, mostly out of laziness. For some reason, the past few hours felt years long.

“Wanna go to bed and watch some anime on my laptop?” 

Phil nods, following him down the hall. They pass the office on the way, and Dan remembers something. 

“Do you think we should go ahead and change up the office, or just wait until we know for sure how many kids we’ll be fostering?” He asks as they make his way into his- their- room.

Phil shrugs. “I think it would be easier to just wait. The guest room has the dresser and everything already, we should probably just change the bed. I think the rest can wait.” He suggests, climbing onto the right side of the bed, pulling the sheets and duvet over himself.

Dan nods, pulling out his pajamas from his dresser. He doesn’t even think about it before tugging his shirt off and replacing it with the softer sleep shirt with ugly spacesuit-wearing cats. That is, until he turns to say something to Phil and sees him staring pointedly at the ceiling. Dan almost asks why, until it occurs to him that he’s just started stripping in front of his best friend. “Oh- er- sorry.” He mumbles before shuffling into the en-suite bathroom to change into his pajama bottoms and brush his teeth.

He nearly curses himself for putting Phil in a position where he feels awkward, but then remembers that Phil had been lounging around in just a t-shirt and pants since after his shower. Suddenly flooded with a feeling of annoyance at the fact that Phil could seemingly just do whatever he wanted, Dan makes the decision to leave his pajama bottoms in the bathroom, unworn. He normally slept in just boxers, unless it was cold, but he wouldn’t go that far. The t-shirt he was wearing was pretty long and reached around the end of his boxers, so it’s not like he was being indecent or anything. He brushed his teeth quickly, mentally singing the happy birthday song, a childhood habit he’d never been able to kick.

As soon as Dan walks out of the bathroom, he realizes that maybe Phil wasn’t quite back to his usual self. He was sitting there with his arms wrapped around his legs, head resting on his knees and Dan could tell that he was crying with the way his body was shaking gently, and Dan was slightly relieved the light was already off, feeling that may allow Phil to feel slightly less embarrassed that Dan had found him like this.

“Phil,” Dan whispers softly as he crawls onto his own side of the bed. Phil visibly flinches, stiffening his posture. He slowly lifts his head, blinking blearily. Dan smiles at him sadly. This seems to just set Phil off again, and his head is right back where it was, the room full of his quiet sobs. “Hey,” Dan murmurs, scooting closer and pulling Phil’s arms away from his legs. As his position has been disrupted, Phil just looks up at Dan, his gaze unfocused without his glasses or contacts.

“I’m sorry,” Phil whispers, looking away. “I didn’t mean to… Well, I thought I was alright.” He explains miserably.

Dan shakes his head, rubbing Phil’s back with one hand while the other settles on his knee. “Phil, it’s fine to be upset. Fuck, anyone would be.” 

“You’re not very upset.” Phil mumbles, staring down at the duvet as if it had personally offended him.

Dan shrugs. “It wasn’t new information to me, Phil. I researched this for weeks. I already knew the majority of what she said, including the statistics. Believe me, the first time I read that, I cried for hours. Why else did you think I wanted to do this so badly?”

Phil hiccups then, nodding slowly. “I’m sorry,” he whispers again.

Sighing, Dan shakes his head. “Phil, there’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s perfectly natu-“

Phil cuts him off then. “Not for that.” When Dan just looks at him in confusion, Phil shifts slightly, causing Dan’s hand resting on his knee to shift inward, closer to his inner thigh. If this bothers him, he doesn’t show it. “For not being there for you, when you found out about this. You didn’t tell me and I wasn’t… here.” Phil shrugs, twisting his ring around his finger. Dan had all but forgotten about them, honestly.

“I was…” he considers for a long moment, “I was handling it. Besides,” he shrugs, forcing a smile. “If I hadn’t done all that research, I wouldn’t have been so insistent on doing this, and you wouldn’t be moving in with me.” He tries to sound as positive as possible.

Phil stares at him for a moment before nodding slowly. “I guess…” He trails off, still twisting the ring. Dan gently pushes his hands apart, intertwining his right hand with Phil’s left.

“Come on, let’s just go to sleep. Anime will still be there tomorrow after work.” Dan suggests gently, tugging Phil down with him as he settles onto his pillow. Moments later, they’re both laying there in the dark, hands still intertwined between them, staring up at the ceiling.

“Thank you, Dan.” Phil whispers into the dark. Dan squeezes his hand in response, relishing in the way the cool metal of the engagement ring feels against his own fingers. He knew that it was just a prop- a costume piece to support their lie- but he couldn’t help feeling a bit proud, and even possessive. As if Phil was his, just by wearing the simple band. Which wasn’t true by any means, even if it did make Dan’s heart swell for reasons he was totally unwilling to consider.

Dan nearly pouts when he feels Phil’s hand slide from his grip, but he’s quickly reconsidering his disappointment when Phil scoots closer and rests his head on Dan’s shoulder. Dan doesn’t even hesitate before shifting so that his arm is thrown over Phil, drawing him closer, tilting his head to lean it against the top of Phil’s.

“Is this okay?” The ebony haired man asks softly.

Dan nods to the empty darkness. “Of course it is, Phil. Whatever you want.” He whispers.

He doesn’t really expect a response to that, but Phil surprises him. “You’re my best friend.” Phil says, almost thoughtfully.

Laughing gently, Dan squeezes Phil from where his arm is wrapped around him. “I sure hope so, considering you’ve agreed to pretend to be my fiancé.” There’s a pause, and then he brings his left hand up to tap Phil’s. “Should we take these off to sleep?” 

After a moment of heavy silence, he hears a small laugh. “I almost forgot.” Phil twists the ring off and leans away to drop it on his nightstand, while Dan does the same. It’s strange, how much heavier his finger suddenly feels without the metal band. Phil rolls over to face the other way, his back just barely pressing against Dan’s arm. “Night, Dan,” he whispers softly, his voice barely audible.

“Night,” Dan responds. He can’t help but feel like he’s done or said something horribly, horribly wrong.

~~~

The next few weeks pass easy. More of Phil’s things accumulate naturally, interspersed throughout the flat. Since most of his furniture in the old flat was included in the apartment when he moved in, they realize pretty quickly that Phil doesn’t have much other than his personal things and an army of half-dead houseplants. He grins as he remembers the exchange they’d had about that.

_“I’m literally one hundred percent certain that this one is dead. D.N.R. Beyond saving. Very heavy.” Dan whined as they were working on moving some of his things out._

_“She has character, Dan! I can’t just leave her behind!” The older man was collecting his movies and video games from the shelf in his lounge while Dan complained in the conjoining kitchen._

_“Her?” He says, incredulous._

_“Yes. Her name is Susan, and I can’t just leave her.”_

_“Phil. I will buy you a new plant- two new plants! If you leave this one here. Please.” Walking over to where Phil is currently standing in the lounge, considering this, Dan crosses his fingers._

_Phil slowly nodded, a smile coming onto his face. “Okay, fine. But, you have to let me pick them out.”_

_Dan let out a sigh of relief. “Sure. You can do whatever you want as long as I don’t have to carry it- sorry, her into our flat.” He noticed the smug way Phil grins then, and he sticks his tongue out in response._

That was about two weeks after their first meeting with Hazel, and now, a week later, Phil is practically completely moved in. He never spends the night at the old flat anymore, and Dan doesn’t even think to mention it.

Dan’s just putting a few of his papers away when Louise walks into his office. “Hey, Lou.” He greets her with a smile. She was probably his closest friend besides Phil, and although her children kept them from spending a lot of time outside of work, they did get together occasionally, typically to get wine drunk and watch sappy movies. Phil had been along for a couple of those evenings, and he normally found it completely ridiculous, choosing to watch them get wasted instead of participating in it himself.

“Hi, love. Are you about ready for lunch?” The blonde asks, settling in one of the chairs across from him.

“Yeah, give me just a second. You know that scholarship I sent you? I think Maria-“ He’s interrupted by his phone ringing, and he smiles at her apologetically before picking it up. He’s barely taken in the surprised gasp from her before he answers the call, which is from Phil. “Hey,” he greets, giving Louise a strange look as he takes in the shocked expression on her face.

“Hey. Are you busy?” Phil asks on the other end. Dan barely hears him, considering Louise is sat in front of him pointing furiously at her ring finger of her left hand, and then to him, repeating the motion until it clicks. Oh shit. He’d been pretty diligent in taking the engagement ring off at work, wanting to avoid questions as much as possible, but it looked like he messed up.

“Oh- um… No? Not exactly, Louise just came in for lunch. What’s up?” Dan says as evenly as possible, looking apologetically at Louise, who looks positively livid, probably because he hadn’t told her, and well, she took those sort of things to heart.

“Oh, tell her I said hi.” Phil says, completely unaware that the blonde in question is glaring daggers at Dan. “Anyway, the movers came to get the bed and I hoovered in there. According to Amazon, the new bed will be here by tomorrow.”

Dan’s able to tear his attention away from his coworker when he hears that. “Oh, really? That’s great. Should we order some sheets and things like that? Like, just some basic ones?” He’s a planner down to his core, and he loves home decoration, so he’s bursting with excitement at the prospect of buying furniture and things to decorate with.

“I think we should get at least one set of sheets for now, maybe some more later. Hey, have you heard from Hazel about the interview yet?” At the reminder, Dan turns to his computer, purposefully avoiding meeting Louise’s gaze as he switches his phone to his right hand in order to use his dominant hand to navigate on the screen.

“Yeah, she sent me an email with some dates. I was thinking March twenty-eighth? You have that radio show on Friday, and we can’t do it the week before because you told Martyn we’d go to dinner with him and Cornelia.” Dan goes through their options of the dates Hazel had sent them, shaking his head at the fact that he managed to remember most of the things they had coming up.

He can hear Phil flipping pages before he responds. “Yeah, that works. Okay, I’ll let you get back to work and lunch and everything. Don’t forget to tell Louise I said hi.” Phil says.

Dan rolls his eyes but nods. “Okay. I’ll see you when I get home. Oh- do we need anything besides milk?”

“I don’t think so. I’ll text you if we do.”

“Alright. Bye.” He waits for Phil to respond in the same way before hanging up, slowly bringing his gaze up to Louise, who’s fuming.

“Is there something you’d like to tell me, Daniel?” She says with her teeth clenched.

“Er… Phil says hi?” He tries, scratching the back of his neck.

“I can’t believe you. I cannot believe you and Phil got engaged and didn’t tell me. I thought we were friends, Dan!” She sounds almost hysterical at this point, but Dan is just hung up on one thing.

“Wait… I didn’t tell you Phil and I were engaged.” He says slowly.

“Obviously! That’s why I’m upset!” The blonde whines, punctuating every word with a swat to his arm.

“No, Louise. I meant, I didn’t tell you it was Phil.” He shakes his head, confused.

She stops swatting for a moment, her eyebrows knitting together as if she doesn’t understand. “Who else would it be, Dan?” That brings him up short, but before he can say anything else, Louise resumes her swatting. “I’m happy for you, obviously. Just a little surprised that you didn’t tell me.” She’s looking at him with fierce pride, but simultaneously like she wants to shake him.

He’s so surprised himself, at her clear acceptance, and it’s a good thing she’s a talker because he mulls this over for the duration of lunch as she fills him in on her latest gossip. As she goes back to her own office, she makes him promise that they’ll get together soon to chat about his and Phil’s relationship. “I deserve all the juicy details, after all.”

He lets her leave with nothing more than a half-hearted nod and smile, thoughts swirling wildly as she shuts his door behind herself on the way out. What a… peculiar day.

\---

The days pass, and finally the day has come for the interview with Hazel. Since it’s a legit interview, both of them have to take off work early in order to get there in time. Dan figures that since the BBC office where Phil works is on the way to Hazel’s office, it’s easiest to just stop by there to pick him up. When he pulls up outside, he fiddles with his phone for a moment before deciding to call him and let him know that he’s there.

“Hey-“ Dan begins, glancing out the window towards the building.

“Sorry, I know. I’m late, I’ll be out in just a second.” Phil says hurriedly. Dan can hear distinct voices in the background, and he detects a tightness in the way that Phil speaks, indicating that something must be wrong.

“Hold on, you’re not late. What’s wrong?” He demands, fidgeting nervously.

“Nothing, Dan, just- PJ, no!” With that, Dan hears a slight scuffle, and then the voice of a different man floods the line.

“Hello, Dan.” PJ says warmly, sounding amused. “So, engagement, huh?” He continues, and Dan can hear Phil protesting in the background.

Dan’s blood runs cold, and his eyes widen in panic. He and Phil hadn’t discussed what they were telling their coworkers, and he hadn’t even told Phil that Louise had found out on her own. This was not good. “Um…” He says slowly, stalling until Phil can get his phone back.

“Well, congratulations, mate. A few of our coworkers are admittedly a bit pissed that he didn’t tell us, but I can’t say I’m all that surprised. I told them you two were bound to get engaged eventually, and you just came along and proved me right.” PJ doesn’t sound the least bit guilty for divulging all this, and Dan’s stomach churns. If Phil was so annoyed for PJ to take his phone, then he must have expected something like this to happen, and he must be seething right now.

Figuring that he’s got nothing to lose here, since PJ, and evidently some other people, already know about it, Dan clears his throat before speaking. “Thanks, Peej. Can you give the phone back to Phil, now?” He requests as evenly as possible.

“Sure, mate.” There’s a sound as if he’s covering the speaker, but Dan hears him tell Phil, “Your fiancé is desperate to speak with you, Philip.” Dan rolls his eyes at this, but he isn’t all that surprised. He’d known PJ for quite some time, and this was just in his nature. “Well, it was lovely to speak with you, Dan. Bye for now!”

Dan doesn’t respond, instead waiting anxiously for Phil to take the phone back. “Sorry. I’ll be out in just a minute.” Phil says hurriedly before hanging up. Dan glares down at his phone but sighs resignedly. Phil would be in the car in just a minute anyway, so it didn’t really matter that he wasn’t willing to talk about it now.

After waiting for a few moments, Dan watches as the door to the building opens, Phil stepping out with his messenger bag. He watches as Phil drags a hand through his quiff, messing it up slightly. Swallowing hard, Dan tears his eyes away, instead looking at his steering wheel as he waits for Phil to climb into the car.

“Hi.” Phil greets him simply. The anger is rolling off him in waves, and Dan’s not entirely sure how to handle it, given he’s not sure who exactly Phil is mad at here.

“Hey.” He says softly, waiting until Phil’s buckled his seatbelt before driving out of the parking lot and back to the main road. “So, um… Looks like they found out.” He tries weakly.

That’s the breaking point, and Dan’s almost relieved to get a reaction that isn’t angry silence. “What the hell did you say to him, Dan?” He demands, a glare on his face.

Dan sighs. “I didn’t say anything, Phil. He did all the talking. All I told him was to give the phone back to you.”

“Like hell! As soon as he started talking to you, it clicked, and he knew exactly who I was “engaged” to!” Phil rants. Dan shakes his head, his eyebrows furrowing.

“So? How did he know you- Oh. Phil, the ring.” His gaze falling to the way Phil’s hands are fisted in his lap, Dan’s eyes trail over his left hand, where, sure enough, the silver band that matches his own is resting on Phil’s ring finger.

Phil blushes, covering it with his right hand when he realizes what Dan’s gaze is on. “I forgot. But I didn’t tell them who it was! They realized it right before you called, and I was in the middle of trying to explain the situation when you called. He didn’t even know until he started talking to you.” The accusation in Phil’s voice is absolutely unmistakable, and Dan frowns, his own anger swelling up in his chest.

Glancing away from the road as he makes a turn, his gaze darts back to Phil. “Oh, so now it’s my fault that your coworkers know we’re engaged?” He spits the word out as if it’s a curse, which in his opinion, it might as well be.

Phil rolls his eyes and slinks down in his seat, glaring out his window. “Well it certainly didn’t help.”

“Excuse me?” Dan demands loudly, disbelieving. It was absolutely not his fault, he wasn’t the one who forgot to take off his…. Well, technically he did, but not this time.

“You shouldn’t have even said anything to him.” Phil says miserably. “I was handling it, Dan! I had an excuse already, and I could have handled it.”

Dan stares at the road in silence for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Okay, first of all, I didn’t say anything to PJ. The second he said hello he went straight to engagement, he didn’t let me get a fucking word in. So, no, I didn’t ruin your precious secret.” He snaps.

Phil glances at him in surprise, probably realizing that Dan was telling the truth. “Dan, that’s not-“

Dan cuts him off immediately. “Second,” He speaks louder, until Phil shuts his mouth. “Of course, he knew, Phil. Louise knew the second she saw the fucking ring, and I didn’t say a word to her, either.” At the look of surprise on Phil’s face, Dan rolls his eyes. “I figured it would just upset you if I told you she found out. It looks like I was right.” Seething, and a little bit hurt at the way Phil had seemed so disgusted for any of his coworkers to know about this, Dan pulls into the parallel parking space designated for visitors at the foster company office.

It’s silent for a moment before Phil speaks again. “I’m sorry. I overreacted.” He says softly.

“Yeah.” Dan snips. He knows he’s just being rude at this point, but the hurt he feels takes over his desire to have a better attitude.

Phil sighs deeply, looking up at the office they’re about to go in. “Look, we need to talk about this, but now is not a good time, okay? We’ve got to ace this interview, and we can’t do that if we’re at each other’s throats. Truce?” He asks, his blue, blue eyes searching Dan’s face anxiously.

Dan glares stubbornly back for several long seconds, willing himself not to express the hurt he feels before deflating slightly. He had never been good at staying mad at his best friend when they were allowed to avoid each other and found this to be even truer in situation where they were inches apart. “Okay,” he says tiredly. “But next time I’d appreciate it if you asked me what happened instead of jumping down my throat about it, yeah?” He mutters, sliding out of the car, keys in hand.

“Okay. Dan,” he calls quietly. Dan turns around with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry.” 

It certainly didn’t undo anything, but Dan still feels slightly relieved that he’d said it at all. “Yeah.” 

Phil sighs heavily before joining him in front of the car a second later. Dan barely thinks about it before he reaches for Phil’s hand, intertwining their fingers. He avoids the gaze he feels burning into the side of his face, and instead makes his way to the building, tugging gently on his fake fiancé’s hand.

“We’re here to meet with Hazel, we have an appointment.” Dan smiles brightly at the receptionist, flicking a curl out of his eye with the hand not enclosed around Phil’s.

The receptionist smiles, almost flirtingly, and Dan quirks an eyebrow. It’s a different girl than before, a brunette this time, and she must not realize that he’s “engaged” to someone else. “Sure. I’ll let her know you’re here, Mr….” She trails off, clearly waiting for him to supply his last name.

Phil jumps in then, to Dan’s surprise. A tight smile is on his lips, and he shifts so that he’s closer to Dan. “Howell, soon to be Howell-Lester.” He smiles too widely, lifting their hands that are still clasped together.

The receptionist’s smile falls slightly when her gaze drops to their hands, and Dan nearly laughs. “Oh! Yes, this is my fiancé, Phil. Ms. Hayes is our caseworker for the foster process.” He says with a smile, secretly enjoying the way that Phil seems to be a little annoyed with the receptionist.

“Right. I’ll let her know you’re here.” The brunette says, her lips now quirked down into a frown.

“Thanks.” Dan smiles, leading Phil over to the seating area. “Nice,” he mutters when they settle on an ugly blue sofa.

“What?” Phil responds quietly, rolling his eyes and pulling his hand out of Dan’s. The younger man frowns slightly at the loss of contact, but says nothing, instead choosing to prop his left elbow up on the back of the sofa, tilting shifting his body so that he’s turned in Phil’s direction.

“Your whole ‘I’m the jealous fiancé’ bit. Very convincing, I liked that.” Dan expecting a laugh or even an eyeroll on Phil’s behalf.

Instead, his cheeks flood with color, and he shrugs. “Whatever.” He mutters, pulling his phone out.

Dan stares at him, confused. What was his problem? Instead of asking, he only shifts closer to watch Phil play Crossy Road, allowing his arm to rest behind Phil’s shoulders. Phil glances at him but only shifts so that he’s leaning more comfortably against Dan’s side, holding his phone so that Dan can easily watch the game. This kind of closeness isn’t anything new to either of them, but there’s just a palpable tension in the way they lean against each other.

Without realizing it, he begins playing with the neckline on Phil’s shirt, which he realizes now is just a t-shirt. They’re close enough that Dan can see goosebumps on his arm. “Are you cold?” 

“No,” Phil answers nearly immediately, shooting a glance over his shoulder at Dan.

Dan quirks an eyebrow before rolling his eyes, leaning away from him to pull off his own jacket. “Don’t be stupid. Here.” He holds the coat out.

The older man sighs but sets his phone in his lap and shrugs the fabric on, a frown set on his lips. “Thanks.” He says softly before leaning back, looking at Dan expectantly, waiting for him to resume his former position so Phil would have something to lean against.

Dan grins, dropping his arm onto the back of the sofa, gesturing for Phil to lean against his chest. Phil rolls his eyes but obliges. There’s something incredibly excellent about how Phil is cutting off all of the circulation to his hand, but Dan pushes that thought out of his mind.

“Dan, Phil, hi. Sorry I’m running late, my last meeting was running a little later than I thought it would.” Hazel’s voice says, causing both men to glance up at her.

Dan gently prompts Phil to stand with a hand on his back, which he doesn’t remove when he goes to stand. “No problem, Hazel.” He says, a genuine smile on his face as he goes to shake her hand.

“I hope you weren’t waiting long.” She says worriedly, gesturing for them to follow her, her heels clicking on the tile as she guides them to her office.

“We’ve only been here for a few minutes, honestly.” Phil reassures her, smiling when she turns to glance at him.

“Great! Well, have a seat and we’ll get started.” The blonde gestures to the seats in front of her desk, the very same as last time, and only when Phil goes to sit does Dan realize that his hand hadn’t moved from the small of his back the entire trip down the hallway. He vaguely wonders if the receptionist saw, and part of him hopes that she did.

The interview begins with the same boring, general questions that Dan had expected when he researched the fostering process. Questions about what their childhood was like, how they felt conflict should be resolved, and what sort of family activities they enjoyed, or since they weren’t already parents, what sort of family activities did they hope to take part of when they became foster parents. He and Phil had sort of already gone over most of this, so they felt pretty well prepared.

That is, until they were asked a question Dan hadn’t prepared for.

“So,” Hazel says, jotting one of their previous responses down in the same notebook she had been using. She smiles at them, a reassuring thing, and Dan returns it. “The interview is going really well, I’ll tell you that now.” Hazel looks utterly thrilled with this, and Dan gets the sense that she really enjoys finding good families to foster children. He squeezes Phil’s knee, excited with her announcement.

Dan didn’t really notice when he did it, but he was utterly conscious of when he had started tracing small circles over the black fabric of Phil’s skinny jeans. When they were questioned about their own childhood, he’d felt a spike of anxiety, and he’d needed something to ground himself. The movement helped, but Dan didn’t miss the way that Phil seemed a little more reluctant than usual to rest his hand over Dan’s wrist. 

“That’s always good to hear,” Phil tells her, a broad smile on his face. He doesn’t look at Dan when he says this, but Dan feels the way his grip slightly tightens on his wrist. 

“Oh, definitely. Now I’ve got a few questions that pertain to your relationship, if you don’t mind.” She must notice the panic that passes between them in their shared glance, but she misinterprets it completely. “Nothing too personal! Er- we just need some insight to how the two of you function as a unit.” She smiles reassuringly. 

Dan nods, struggling not to lose his casual stance and smile. He knew this part was coming, but he was suddenly unsure if they could really pass as a real couple right now, let alone an engaged couple who are ready for kids. On a normal day, maybe, but right now he still felt the uneasiness between them in the air, and he knew, he just knew that it wouldn’t be nearly as easy to convince her while they’re like this. 

“Well, you can’t possibly ask anything we haven’t already been asked, in terms of personal.” Dan jokes, because if there’s anything he’s good at, it’s diffusing his own anxiety using witty humor. And it really wasn’t that much of a lie, as Louise had been pestering him with rather personal questions about their sex life since the minute she found out about their “engagement.” 

Phil frowns at him when he says this, shifting enough that his hand falls away from Dan’s. He looks vaguely annoyed, and Dan nearly rolls his eyes at how offended he seems to be by the implications behind Dan’s words. It’s not like he was sharing something seriously _personal_. It wasn’t like that. 

Luckily, Hazel must have the same taste, because she laughs as well. “Great! Then this should be a breeze.” At their affirmative nods, she dives straight in. “Describe or give me some examples of how you two support each other.” She says conversationally, sitting back to allow them room to speak.

Dan is thrown, and he glances at Phil, slightly alarmed. Phil, however, barely bats an eye before answering.

“Dan’s my best friend,” He begins, throwing a glance over at the man in question, an uncertain look on his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this amount of undeniable support from another human. Family’s different, since they have to care about you, I guess, but Dan just always has, no matter what. We…” he glances at Dan suddenly, as if he’s not sure he’s allowed to say something. Dan shrugs, unsure what he’s about to hear, but his heart is already racing from the few words Phil has shared. “We had a rough patch towards the start of our friendship, but we got through it, and I don’t think we would have if it wasn’t for the mutual support.” He’s quiet when he finishes, and he won’t bring his eyes to meet Dan’s, instead staring down at the engagement band on Dan’s hand, which is still resting on his knee.

Hazel hums, writing as she glances at Dan, waiting for his response. He clears his throat, unsure how to follow that. He knows what Phil is referring to, obviously. He nearly dropped out of university not very long into their friendship, and if it hadn’t been for Phil, Dan probably would have done something very stupid in the aftermath of all that. Swallowing hard, he knows what he should say.

“Phil’s talking about me almost dropping out of uni,” He says slowly, not missing the surprised look Phil shoots him. Dan smiles, moving his hand so that it’s resting against Phil’s, turning his gaze back to Hazel. “I was in a really bad place and wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, but Phil was there, letting me stay in his apartment and cry over all the stuff going wrong in my life. But, more recently…” He takes a deep breath, and Phil seems to realize what he’s about to say, because he suddenly shifts closer, holding onto Dan’s hand tightly.

“Dan…” He begins, his voice soft, nearly a warning.

“It’s fine.” He assures him, glancing down at their hands. “This might be taking it a lot deeper than what you were intending,” he pauses to laugh awkwardly, noticing the confused smile on Hazel’s face. “I have depression, have had since I was basically a kid. I didn’t realize it for a long time, but when I finally went to see someone, it was because of Phil. He said, ‘There are things I want you to have that you don't realize are waiting for you.' And I, ” He swallows hard, forcing the lump in his throat away. “I know that, now. I think.” The last few words come out in a barely audible rasp, delivered straight to his shoes. Sure, Phil knew how much he did for Dan, but Dan wasn’t sure he fully realized how much it still meant to him.

The room is quiet for the longest ten seconds of Dan’s life. He’s genuinely afraid to see Hazel’s reaction. Surely that was too much, she’s going to tell him he needs to go, there’s no way they’d ever be able to foster, he’s fucked it all-

“I had a few more questions, but I don’t think I need the answers.” Hazel says quietly. Dan glances up at her, his face full of panic. She notices this and shakes her head slowly. “No, Dan.” She lets out a slow breath. “Not in a bad way.”

“Oh,” He exhales shakily. Phil looks just as confused as he feels, staring at Dan with an unplaceable mood on his face. 

“I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of the kind of people you both are. You both have wonderful hearts, and I’m absolutely stunned by the amount of love you have for each other. And that’s a rare and heartening thing for me to see in my line of work.” She smiles, but Dan’s having a hard time hearing the rest of what she’s saying, his mind playing over a single word. “I have a lot of confidence that you will be cleared for fostering. I think you’re both well equipped to handle the struggles that come with raising a child, and I have good faith that you two will do a wonderful job together.”

Dan opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out and he snaps it shut, swallowing hard. He nods numbly, glancing at Phil.

“Thank you, Hazel.” The older man says gently, his smile real. “That really means a lot, to both of us.” He tightens his grip on Dan’s hand, probably without realizing it.

“Of course.” Hazel waves off his thanks before standing, drawing the meeting to a close. As they shake her hand in turn, she speaks again. “I’ll be in contact soon to confirm a date for the first home visit, but I’ll be giving your case special attention. I think any child would be lucky to be under your care, and I hope to get you guys cleared and ready for fostering within as little time as possible.” She smiles genuinely, and Dan feels himself tearing up yet again.

“Thank you,” He manages wetly.

“Well, it was great to see the both of you again. I’ll email you the details of the home visit within the next week or so.” With that, Hazel dismisses them, smiling broadly, and Dan follows Phil out of her office quietly. They walk through the lobby, and Dan’s surprised when he hears the receptionist speak to them.

“Have a great day!” She chirps. Dan smiles weakly at her. Phil winds an arm around Dan’s waist, guiding him out of the building.

They walk to the car in silence, but when they’re there, Phil looks at Dan in concern. “Do you want me to drive?” He asks, pointing to the keys that are dangling from Dan’s finger.

Dan shakes his head once before glancing up at Phil, his heart beating rapidly from the excitement of how well that meeting had gone. He can’t keep his eyes off of Phil, scanning him for the same emotion that’s frozen his face in permanent jubilation. 

"You'll kill us both," he says. "Can't have that, now." He takes both of Phil's hands in his own, squeezing them tightly as his smile broadens. "I can’t believe what she said," he says, his voice breathless.

Phil studies him for a second, his blue eyes intense as they travel over Dan’s face, to his hands being squeezed within an inch of their death. Evidently, he finds no reason to panic, because a smile stretches across his face and he pulls Dan into a hug. “I know.” He whispers into Dan’s curls, his arms wrapping around him tightly while Dan’s find their way around the older man’s waist. They stand like that for only a moment before Phil is pulling away, his smile still on his face. “Chinese takeaway to celebrate?” He suggests easily, looking hopeful.

Dan can’t help but laugh and shake his head at his childish ways, nodding to the car. “We’ll see.” Is all he says in response.

\---

After indulging in some Chinese takeaway and a few episodes of Buffy, Dan’s just on the edge of sleep when he remembers they probably needed to discuss the situation with Phil’s work.

“Hey, Phil?” He says softly from his spot on the opposite end of the sofa. His legs were spread out over Phil’s lap as usual, and the older man was absently tracing small circles along Dan’s calf, where his pajamas had been pushed up with his left hand, while his right was trailing along on the trackpad of his MacBook perched on the arm of the sofa.

“Yeah?” Phil responds, glancing down at him before his eyes trail back to the screen. Dan could barely make out what looked like a spreadsheet on his laptop, too tired to really strain to see for sure what it was he was working on. Phil was a producer at BBC Radio 1, which Dan was always equally proud and jealous of. With his degree in video post-production, Dan always knew he was going to do something cool, and this was definitely cool.

“Do you want to talk about earlier?” Dan asks, getting straight to the point. He was tired, he didn’t want to sit up talking about it for very long if he could help it, so he felt it was best to just go ahead and talk about it now.

Phil looks over at him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “About what?” He asks, pushing his glasses up. It seems to dawn on him before Dan can even get another word in, and he looks surprised. “About what I told Hazel? Dan, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think-”

Dan shakes his head, cutting him off. “No, I meant the thing with PJ from earlier.” He shifts so that he’s lying on his back rather than his side, staring up at the ceiling. “I thought you might want to talk about that.”

“Oh,” is all Phil responds with. Dan waits for a moment, and when he doesn’t say anything else, he props himself up on his elbows, quirking a brow at Phil, who has gone back to looking at his laptop. Sensing Dan’s change in position, he looks back over at him. “What?”

Rolling his eyes, Dan gestures to the laptop. “Wanna close that for a minute so we can have a discussion?” he snaps.

Phil frowns, glancing at the screen once more. “Dan, I need to finish this by tomorrow. We can talk while I do this.”

“No, we can’t.” Dan groans, sitting up further and leaning towards the laptop, with every intention of closing it. “You’re not even listening to me.”

“Dan!” Phil snaps, shoving his hand away and shooting a glare at him. “Leave it, okay? I need to finish this.” He studies Dan for a second before shaking his head, not so subtly shifting the laptop further out of Dan’s reach.

Dan huffs before swinging his legs off Phil’s lap and standing. “Whatever.”

“Wh- Dan. Come on,” Phil sighs, looking almost offended that Dan had moved.

“I’m trying to talk to you about something you were so worked up about earlier, and you’re not fucking listening, at all. Sorry if I don’t wanna just sit here and be ignored,” he says in annoyance, picking up his empty wine glass from the coffee table, as well as his phone. “I’m going to bed.”

“Dan,” Phil groans, closing the laptop finally. “Fine. Come here. We’ll talk.” He sounds resigned, and for some reason his tone just rubs Dan the wrong way and he doesn’t even feel inclined to talk anymore. He just wants to go to their room and pout.

“Nope. Don’t let me inconvenience you. Your work is very important, don’t let me get in the way.” He says in a mocking tone as he makes his way downstairs, part of him hoping Phil doesn’t follow but the other part practically begging him to.

That part wins out, because as Dan is walking into their room, he hears the sound of Phil turning the lights off and coming downstairs. Dan makes no indication of noticing this, going to plug his phone into the charger on his nightstand, double checking that his alarm is set before climbing into his side of the bed. Phil steps into the room, laptop in one hand and charger in the other.

“Okay, I’m here, no distractions. Let’s have this discussion.” Phil announces, setting his laptop on his own bedside table, crossing his arms as he looks down at Dan.

Shrugging, Dan rolls over to face downward, groaning loudly. He knew it was childish, but he was petty, and a little bit hurt. Granted, Phil probably did have serious work to do, but that didn’t stop Dan from being upset.

“Dan,” Phil says firmly, his voice holding a tone of warning. “You’re acting like a child.”

“And you were acting like a dick.” He responds, still face down. He feels the bed dip as Phil climbs in, and since Dan is expecting the shifting of Phil settling on his own side, he nearly screams when he feels a hand on his neck. “No!” He gasps, trying to smack the hand away, to no use. “That’s- illegal!” 

Phil is relentless as he tries, and for the most part succeeds, in tickling Dan. “Sorry, can’t hear you, Dan.” He taunts pleasantly as he continues pressing his fingers to Dan’s neck, ducking to tickle his side when Dan presses his head to his shoulder.

He’s giggling too much to really formulate a good argument, but he finally shifts so that Phil can no longer attack that side. Instead, he’s on his back, staring up into Phil’s mischievous, blue eyes. Which, might’ve been a mistake, given Phil takes the opportunity to dive for his stomach, which he begins tickling mercilessly, rucking up Dan’s t-shirt in the process.

“Stop! Stop! I surrender!” Dan shouts breathlessly, feeling tears falling from his eyes as he struggles to catch his breath.

Phil must realize he’s had enough, because he sits back on his heels, smiling with his tongue poking out, clearly proud of himself. Dan pouts, but he’s just barely containing a smile. “There we go. I like you better when you’re not pouting.” Phil says jokingly.

Dan rolls his eyes, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. “Yeah, well,” he shrugs, shoving his curls up off his forehead. “I like you better when you’re not ignoring me.” He reminds him casually, quirking an eyebrow at Phil.

Sighing, Phil nods, shifting so that he’s in the same position as Dan, tugging the sheet and duvet over their legs. “Fair enough. I’m sorry I was ignoring you. I know you wanted to talk about what happened.” Dan stays quiet, giving Phil space to speak. “Honestly, though? I’m over it. I know I was upset after it happened, but now that I’ve had time to cool down, I don’t even know why I was upset. They would have found out eventually, and it’s not like you’re the worst person for people to think I’m engaged to.” He says casually, smirking at Dan as he says this.

Snorting, Dan shoves his shoulder against Phil’s. “Thanks, mate. Really feel appreciated now,” he teases.

Phil throws himself across Dan’s lap then, bringing a hand up to his forehead dramatically. “Oh, Daniel, whatever would I do without you!” He opens one eye, grinning up at his very unamused best friend. “How’s that?” He asks with a smirk.

“Get off me,” Dan laughs, shoving at Phil’s shoulder. They sit in silence together for a moment before he finally speaks again. “I’m sorry I was acting like a brat. You know how I get when I don’t have your attention.” He mutters, only realizing how pathetic that sounds after he’s already said it. He shifts to lay down then, in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Phil doesn’t move from his position, but he drops his hand to Dan’s curls, running a hand through his hair gently. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “I know. I’m sorry. I should have been paying attention to you.” He sounds completely genuine, and Dan sighs contently, partly from their resolved argument and partly from the good feeling of having someone pet his hair. He loved having his hair played with, and it felt great to have Phil’s long fingers running through the curls.

“So, you’re not upset about them finding out?” He asks then, folding his hands together over his stomach.

“No, not really. I wish I could have told them instead of them finding out the way they did, but it’s fine.” Phil responds. “But what about Louise? How did she find out?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious.

“Ugh,” Dan groans, bringing an arm up to throw across his face, hiding his eyes. “Don’t even get me started on Louise. I swear to god if I have to hear her ask who bottoms one more time, I’m going to shoot myself.”

Phil laughs loudly at this, pulling his hand away from Dan’s hair, drawing a whine of protest from his lips. Rolling his eyes, Phil leans over to grab his laptop as Dan shoots him a glare, removing his arm from his face to do so. “You’re so dramatic. And whiny, when you don’t get your way.” He informs him, opening his laptop to resume his work, his left hand again falling to Dan’s hair.

Dan hums contently, closing his eyes. “Feels nice,” he murmurs after a few minutes, feeling just on the verge of sleep. A low laugh comes from beside him, but otherwise Phil doesn’t respond. Before he can fully let himself sleep, though, Dan feels that he needs to ask an important question. “Phil,” he calls softly, uncertain how clear his voice is, given he’s basically half-asleep.

“Bear?” Phil replies just as quietly, making Dan wonder if he’d heard him right. It had been a while since he’d heard Phil call him that.

After a minute of trying to remember what it was he had wanted to say, Dan licks his lips. “What’re you going to tell your parents?”

Phil’s hand pauses, making Dan open his eyes, glancing over at the older man. “I’m not sure yet.” He whispers. He’s focusing on his screen, but Dan doubts he’s seeing anything.

Without much thought, Dan reaches up and grabs Phil’s hand that had fallen from his hair, bringing it to his mouth to kiss softly. “You’ll figure it out.” He says softly. Subtly, he places Phil’s hand gingerly back in the curls atop his head, closing his eyes again. “I told my mum the truth, since I knew she wouldn’t spread it around the family, but if you want to tell your parents the story version, you can.” Dan whispers, almost incoherently.

“Yeah?” Phil asks softly, his hand resuming their gentle moments. “You wouldn’t mind them thinking we’re engaged?”

“Mm. No. I love your family, and I’m pretty sure they like me too. They can think whatever you want them to.” He says slowly, trying hard to fight the sleep that’s threatening to drag him under.

“Hm. Okay. I’ll call mum tomorrow and talk to her.” Phil finally says.

“M’kay. Tell Kath I said hello.” He murmurs.

Phil laughs softly, and Dan almost thinks he hears the shutter of a phone camera, but he could be imagining it. “Okay. Go to sleep now, bear. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Mhm. Night Philly.”

Just as he drifts off, he hears Phil respond with laughter in his voice. “Night, Danny."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! follow me on twitter or tumblr for any updates on the posting schedule (or if you just wanna chat!)


	5. Chapter Four

“Phil!” Dan yells from the laundry room, searching frantically through the clothes in the dryer for the shirt he was planning on wearing to work.

“Stop yelling, I’m right here,” Phil replies, much quieter than Dan had been. Dan whirls around to find Phil walking into the laundry room, a frown on his face as he stares down at his phone.

“Where’s my black plaid shirt?” Dan demands, not even bothering to ask what is capturing his attention on his phone.

The older man glances up at this, a look of incredulity on his face. “How should I know?” He asks, shrugging.

Dan sighs. “Because you’re the one who did laundry last. So, you should know where it is,” he explains sharply, turning back to sort through the clothes in the dryer once again.

“Maybe it’s still in the washer.” Phil shrugs, before continuing. “I just phoned Mum to tell her about the… situation.”

“Seriously? I wanted to wear it today!” Dan groans, shoving his curls off his forehead before glancing over his shoulder at Phil. “How’d it go?”

Phil shrugs, pocketing his phone and leaning against the doorframe. “Well, I didn’t get very far in my explanation. I told her I had some news, and she asked if it was about you. I told her it was, and she had a bit of an… interesting reaction.”

Dan raises an eyebrow, tugging a shirt out of the dryer that he recognizes as one of Phil’s. He holds it up with his index finger, dangling it to the side so Phil can see it. “Can I wear this?” He asks, before closing the lid on the dryer.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Phil nods. “Sure, I don’t care. Please keep it clean, though, it’s my favorite.” Dan nods in reply before tugging his t-shirt off and slipping his arms into the blue button-up. Phil watches quietly, probably not even realizing that he was staring.

Clearing his throat, Dan begins buttoning the shirt, glancing up at Phil as he asks, “So, what did Kath say?”

Phil seems to shake himself, and Dan catches a brief hint of color in his cheeks before he turns to walk towards the kitchen, Dan following him. “Well… Don’t get mad, but she didn’t actually get to hear the explanation,” Phil says slowly, pouring coffee into two separate mugs, carefully avoiding Dan’s gaze.

“Yeah? What did she get to hear?” Dan says teasingly, trying to gauge if his best friend was upset or just worried that Dan would be.

“Well… After I said it was about you, she asked if we were together. I didn’t really know what to say, so I told her yes-“ His eyes dart up to meet Dan’s suddenly, guilt covering his face. “I swear I tried to explain it, but she didn’t really let me get a word in. I basically just had to listen to her gush for a solid ten minutes, and by then I figured it didn’t make sense to try correcting her.”

Dan watches Phil explain this as he prepares their coffee, leaving Dan’s unsweetened, just how he likes it. When Phil finishes and finally brings his gaze to Dan’s, the younger man just shrugs. “Oh well. You tried to explain it. It’s fine if she doesn’t know the truth. If it doesn’t bother you, at least,” he says nonchalantly, reaching for his coffee cup before turning to sit at the table.

“You… You’re not upset?” Phil asks slowly, studying Dan’s face carefully.

Taking a sip of the too-hot coffee, Dan shrugs one shoulder. “Not really. I mean, it kinda makes it easier, don’t you reckon? It beats trying to justify fostering children with your platonic best mate.” The words feel bitter, and he drinks more of his scalding drink to burn the taste of the words off his tongue.

Phil regards him carefully for a moment, his blue eyes piercing as he studies the brunet. Finally, he nods. “I guess.” One corner of his mouth lifts up into a small smile, and Dan stands when he checks the time on his phone, seeing that he needs to leave soon to get to work on time. 

“Do you want me to drive you this morning?” He asks over his shoulder as he walks to the front door where his shoes are waiting.

Phil shakes his head as he follows behind him, watching Dan struggle to put his shoes on. “No, it’s fine. I already ordered a cab. You can pick me up on your way home, though?” He asks, shoving his hands into the pockets of his black skinny jeans.

Finally managing to shove his feet into both his shoes, Dan nods. “Alright. See you then.” Dan has the absurd urge to embrace Phil, or maybe just peck his cheek, but instead he just waves before turning to step out of their apartment. _Having to act like a couple with someone is going to make you feel like this_ , he reasons with himself.

“Bye Dan. Be safe driving to work,” Phil calls after him before Dan closes the door. Again, he’s hit with the instinct to say something cheesy and domestic back, but he takes a deep breath and forces it away.

“Bye,” he calls softly before making his way to the elevator. At least he was actually going to be on time for work for once.

~~~ 

A few days later they have their first home visit with Hazel, and it would be an understatement to say that Dan is a nervous wreck.

“Daniel, I swear to god if you clean that table _one more time_ , I’m going to punch you,” Phil calls from the lounge, his voice full of exasperation.

Dan cringes, dropping the towel back onto the table with a sheepish look on his face when he turns to meet Phil’s gaze. “Sorry. I’m just- I think I’m nervous,” he confesses, tugging nervously at his shirt, as if it’s wrinkled.

Phil nods, but rolls his eyes fondly. “Obviously. But you need to calm down, everything is fine. The flat is spotless, and Hazel is going to be blown away by how clean we keep it.” He grins reassuringly from the couch, where he’s sat on his laptop.

“Fine,” Dan sighs, walking over to collapse onto the sofa beside his best friend. “What’re you looking at?” He asks as he leans over, looking over at Phil’s screen.

“Nothing,” Phil squeaks, turning the screen away from Dan’s curious gaze.

Now about twenty percent more curious, Dan reaches for the screen. He’s surprised when Phil doesn’t try to stop him, regardless of his previous reaction. It takes a moment for Dan to realize what it is that he’s looking at, but when he does he smiles softly before letting out a giggle. “Really, Phil?” He asks, looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Parenting books? You think we need parenting books?” He’s aware that he sounds overly fond, but he can’t help it. It’s just so… Phil.

“Shut up,” Phil grumbles, shoving Dan’s hand away from his laptop. “I didn’t say you needed them. I just think that I do.” He sounds less amused now, and Dan realizes he’s actually serious.

“Phil,” Dan says firmly, closing the laptop and pulling it away. Phil’s blue eyes shift to meet his, a sort of helpless look about them. “You’re going to be fine. Okay? Sure, neither of us really know what we’re doing, but I think we’ll figure it out. Plus, we have training starting next week, remember? And that’s a full three-week course we have to take. I think we’ll be fine.” He squeeze’s Phil’s leg just above his knee, and the older man sighs, but nods slowly.

“Okay,” he agrees quietly. “But I’m still buying the books.” He adds, holding his hand out for his laptop.

Dan rolls his eyes, but just as he goes to hand the MacBook over, a buzzer noise sounds, indicating that Hazel has arrived for the home visit. In a quiet moment, their eyes lock, blue on brown, and Dan feels that he’s seeing all of his nerves and anxiety reflected back to him in the blue eyes of his best friend, but he feels insanely comforted knowing that his feelings are shared and justified. He smiles slightly as Phil’s hand comes up to squeeze his own gently, a source of comfort before what feels like a terrifying obstacle that they have to overcome.

“Let’s go. We’ve got company.” Dan murmurs softly as he stands, gently tugging on Phil’s hand to lead him to the front door, where the caseworker is waiting.

~~~ 

“Well, you certainly have a lovely flat,” Hazel says politely. They had invited her in for a cup of tea before the real part of the home visit started. Although he wasn’t entirely positive how it was supposed to go, Dan figured she’d probably have a look around the apartment and make sure there wasn’t anything that could be considered dangerous for children, as well as just get a more general idea of what kind of people they were. The dorky kind, he figured, but he was going to let her come to her own conclusions after checking the bookshelf filled with games and movies.

“Thanks,” Phil answers her, handing her a cup of tea and gesturing to the dining table. “Here, Dan.” He places a second mug into Dan’s hand, and the younger man is a little surprised. He hadn’t realized Phil was making him some as well, although it made sense, considering he had the two cups and all.

“Thank you,” Dan smiles at him. He can almost feel Hazel watching them as she sits at the table, so he quickly leans forward and presses his lips gently to Phil’s cheek before turning to the table, not waiting to see his reaction. Because they did this all the time, absolutely. Casual. Cheek-kissing? Daily occurrence here at the Howell-Lester home. 

“So, obviously I’m here for the home visit,” Hazel begins, her hands resting gently around the cup as she speaks. Phil drops into the seat beside Dan, bringing his folded hands onto the table in front of him. Dan has the weirdest urge to reach out and intertwine their hands, but he isn’t going to, it would be silly. “So, I just wanted to speak to you about a few things and have a look around.”

Both men nod at her words, as they had been expecting this. “Well, we’re ready when you are,” Dan says cheerfully.

Hazel smiles at this before taking a sip of her tea. “Great! So, firstly, don’t be nervous as these are just general questions that everyone is asked.” She waits for them to nod, indicating that they’re following along. “Obviously since the two of you are engaged, you have a support system within each other, which is great. But how would you say your family or friend support is? Do you have people that know about and support your decision to do this?”

Dan pauses, unsure what to say. Luckily, Phil takes the lead on this one. “Yes, actually. My parents live on Isle of Man, but I have a brother and sister-in-law who live here in London. They’re very supportive, and they’ve actually got a child as well, so they’re right in the throes of parenthood now themselves.” Phil smiles charmingly, and Dan knows that this response was a good one and he can tell that Hazel approves.

“Very good! So, another thing I wanted to speak about were your jobs. Everyone gets nervous when I say this, because they think I’m about to ask them to quit,” she pauses, and Dan and Phil exchange a look.

“I’m quite fond of my job, if I’m honest, but I suppose it wouldn’t be the worst to take a break, if I had to,” Dan replies, half-joking. He’d rather not quit his job, for any amount of time, but if one of them needed to in order to do this, he’d take the risk himself. Phil had been working so long to get to where he is in the radio industry and Dan would never ask him to give that up, especially since he had gotten them into this in the first place.

Hazel laughs but shakes her head. “No, no. You don’t have to quit your job, either of you. I just like to know a bit more about occupations as a sort of indicator of how much time you’ll be able to spend with the children.”

Dan nods at this, and after Phil gestures for him to go first, he begins speaking. “Well, like I’ve said, I’m a guidance counselor, so my days are generally pretty short. I work a little later on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as I’ve got some after school administrative duties those days, but that’s typically no later than four in the evening.”

The caseworker nods along before looking to Phil. Dan is slightly relieved that she doesn’t have a notebook or anything with her, as he feels that would only serve to make him more nervous if she were to be taking notes. 

Phil glances over at him as if for reassurance, and Dan nods, smiling encouragingly. He got the feeling that sometimes Phil didn’t like to talk about his work, as sometimes he felt that most people just pretended to be interested because he worked with celebrities. It was a whole lot more than just that, but it was hard for some people to see it if they didn’t know all the facts.

“Well, I work for the BBC as a producer,” he begins, glancing down at his hands. “I work generally five or six days a week, depending on how schedules work out. I typically work around the same hours as Dan, I just go in a bit later and come home a bit later as well. I generally don’t work Saturdays or Sundays, but occasionally if schedules with some of the other staff don’t work out I pop in for a bit Saturdays.”

“Good, good. So, do each of you feel that your work is generally flexible, in terms of family matters?” She asks, sipping her tea as she waits for the response.

Dan shares a glance with Phil, who shrugs. “I mean, I think so,” Dan starts. “I work with a lot of parents, and our contracts allow us several sick days, family days, that sort of thing. And I think-“ he glances at Phil as he speaks. “I think it’s the same for the BBC, right?”

Phil nods at this. “Yeah, it is. Several of our presenters have kids, and occasionally something may come up, but management is great about letting people off for that sort of thing.” He grins cheekily then, and Dan rolls his eyes, expecting what he’s about to say before it even leaves his mouth. “Of course, being a producer has its perks, as I generally have the last say in what I do.”

Hazel laughs good-naturedly at this, while Dan just mumbles to himself, rolling his eyes fondly. “Well, I’m sure that certainly is a plus,” she grins. “Well, I think that might be it for questions, if you’d like to just show me around, I might have a few more questions about the home environment.”

“Sure, sure.” Dan stands as Phil does, grabbing his cup of tea as he goes. Phil gives him a look at this, but Dan only shrugs. “What? It’ll get cold if I don’t drink it!”

“You’ll drop it; you’re a child,” Phil says fondly, shaking his head as he moves around the table to show Hazel around the flat. Hazel is smiling at them, which just eggs Dan on.

“Great, you’ve been handling me for years, I think you’re well ready for parenting!” He smirks when Phil shoots him a look, but luckily, Hazel only laughs at their banter.

“You both are just so cute,” she gushes, causing Dan’s cheeks to redden slightly at that. “How long have you been together?” She asks, following them into the lounge.

“Ten years, this October,” Phil responds casually, stepping over to the sliding glass door that led to the office they had downstairs.

Dan accidentally splutters over his tea when Phil’s words register, and both Phil and Hazel turn around to look at him in concern. His best friend looks almost amused, while Hazel has a worried look on her face.

“Are you alright, Dan?” She asks, tentatively stepping forward.

Nodding quickly, Dan clears his throat. “Yes, I just, er, sipped a little too much at once. Went down wrong,” he lies cleanly, smiling tightly at her while avoiding the smirk on Phil’s face.

Hazel nods, and apparently sensing that the danger has passed, she turns back to Phil, an impressed look on her face. “You’ve been together ten years already?” She asks, looking genuinely surprised.

Dan shrugs, and tries not to blush. It wasn’t a lie, they had been best friends for ten years, but the wording made him feel kind of gooey and strange. “Yeah,” he answers firmly, going for a casual lean against the doorway but elbowing the door hard as he goes, making it slam loudly against the wall. “He hasn’t gotten tired of me yet, so here I am.” Smooth recovery. Smooth. He tries not to reach for his stinging elbow.

Phil rolls his eyes at this but turns to Hazel with a look of feigned exasperation. “I guess we’re stuck together at this point.” He holds up his left hand to indicate the ring, and Hazel tries to hide her smile as she moves around the room, no doubt checking for anything sketchy.

“He’s kidding, obviously. We both know we would be miserable with anyone else,” Dan says off-handedly as Hazel steps back toward the door, indicating that they can continue with the house tour. He doesn’t even realize what he’d said until he catches Phil’s gaze.

Before he can correct himself, Phil speaks up. “I think the world would rip in half if we were apart, don’t you, Dan?” He asks, and some distant memory floods the younger man’s mind, causing him to blush profusely.

They were out with Martyn and Cornelia a few years ago, before they had Evan, and Dan had gotten completely drunk. They all thought it was funny, of course, but at some point during the night, Phil had stepped out to call a cab for them, and Dan had cried in Cornelia’s arms, babbling about how the world would fall apart if they were apart for very long. Martyn, the insufferable older brother he was, pulled out his phone and recorded Dan’s meltdown. When he showed it to Dan a couple weeks later, he’d nearly crawled under a table in embarrassment, but they all swore that it was endearing.

At the memory, Dan thinks back to what Phil had said about them being supportive of all this and he wonders if Phil had actually spoken to them already about what was happening. Knowing Phil, he probably had, as he and Martyn were quite close; Dan only wondered what version of the story he had told them.

“That’s disgustingly adorable, really,” Hazel comments, breaking Dan out of his reverie, his cheeks blushing when he realizes that he had been stood staring at Phil instead of responding to him.

“Yeah, he is,” Phil says, a mocking tone in his voice. He’s grinning though, sticking his tongue out in that cute way he has. Dan narrows his eyes in an attempt to be menacing, but Phil just walks past him, patting him on the cheek, before continuing on, showing Hazel to the rest of the flat.

Dan stays back for a minute, only to collect his thoughts. It’s fine, though, honestly everything is fine, he just needs a second to breathe and pull himself back into what they’re currently doing. Despite the fact that Phil had only mentioned that night in jest, Dan was suddenly thinking of a different night, even longer ago than that, and his head is spinning as the thoughts are running through his head.

_“Dan, you know I’m not going anywhere, right? Even if you decide to change your major, or drop out, or whatever. I’m right here.” Phil had petted his hair softly as Dan sobbed, face in Phil’s lap. He had been failing practically all of his law courses at Manchester, he hated his course of study, he couldn’t waste all of the money he had already spent but he couldn’t do this-. And Phil had been right there, pulling him into the apartment and down onto the crappy second hand couch, scanning his hands over Dan’s shoulders for injuries._

_“I can’t do it,” Dan whispered into the wet material of Phil’s neon green hoodie. His hands were fisted so tight in the front of the fabric, he felt he would tear it if he wasn’t careful. “I can’t stay but I can’t drop out either.”_

_Phil presses his lips to Dan’s hair, and Dan couldn’t help but try to curl even further into Phil’s warmth, safety, smell. He usually tried to give Phil a fairly platonic amount of space, but he just- needed some closeness, whatever Phil was willing to give him._

_“It’s okay, Bear,” Phil whispered into the crown of his head. “You don’t have to decide anything right now… but maybe you just need to change majors? You have options, I promise.”_

_Dan was quiet for a second as he considered this. “Maybe,” he rasped wetly, “I don’t know. But thank you.” He wiped his nose with the sleeve of his own jumper, fully aware that he was a mess but just not really caring anymore._

_Phil’s hands found the skin of Dan’s forearms. “Of course, of course. Whenever you need me, I’m here. For anything. Because we’re best friends. Okay?” He said lightly, his tone contrasting with the way his hands were tenderly gripping Dan’s arms._

_Dan shrugged. “I dunno. Never had one before,” he muttered pathetically._

_Phil did the opposite of what he wants him to do, pulling back slightly to get a look at Dan’s face. “You do now. And we’re here for each other, for anything. Got it?” He said sternly, holding Dan’s chin to keep their gazes locked._

_Shivering under his intense gaze, Dan nodded, and he can’t help it as his eyes slip down to stare at Phil’s lips. His heart was exhausted, he just wanted to- a little further-_

_He broke his gaze away roughly. Best friends. Phil wanted them to be best friends, and he would be a best friend. He would be anything for him._

Dan’s brought back to present day by Phil’s voice calling him from down the hall. “Dan? Are you coming, babe?” Phil tacks the pet name on for Hazel’s benefit, surely, but Dan still responds, quickly following the sound of his voice and finding them both standing at the door to their bedroom.

“Yeah, sorry, just felt a bit weird for a moment,” he puts on a smile, and although Hazel smiles and nods at him, Phil gives him a look.

“Are you okay?” The older man asks, bringing a hand up to Dan’s forehead in a comforting gesture, likely checking Dan’s temperature. Dan’s just about to answer before Phil steps forward, replacing his hand with his lips. Standing idly in surprise, Dan doesn’t really get a chance to process this before Phil is stepping away. “You don’t have a fever,” he frowns, glancing briefly at Hazel, who has taken to checking the room out. “Is something wrong?” Phil says quietly, trying to hide his question from Hazel no doubt.

Dan shakes his head at this, sighing. “No, I just… my head hurts,” it’s nearly a lie, until he realizes that a headache has indeed started forming in his temples, probably due to stress. He shrugs then, going to step past Phil. “It’s fine, I’ll take something after we’re done with this.”

Phil grips Dan’s wrist before he can walk by, making him pause. “Are you sure? You look a bit ill. Do you want to lie down while I finish up?” He asks, concern lacing his tone.

“No, honestly, I’m fine. It’s not going to be much longer anyway.” He catches Phil’s hand with his own as he lets go of his wrist, and Dan gently brushes his thumb over the back of Phil’s hand. “I’m fine, really.”

Phil nods, seeming uncertain but willing to believe him for the sake of finishing the home visit with Hazel.

Speaking of, she steps out as they finish their conversation. “I like the mirror in there, it’s very nice,” she compliments, and Dan smiles.

“Thanks. Phil hates it,” he teases easily before taking the lead and guiding her up the stairs.

“Do not,” Phil comments from behind Hazel as they climb up to the second floor.

“Yes, you do. You always say it’s a pain to clean,” Dan reminds him, turning to roll his eyes at Hazel.

Hazel laughs, but Phil only mumbles, “It’s because you never clean it.” Dan pretends he doesn’t hear this.

~~~ 

The rest of the home visit passes without a problem, and by the time Hazel leaves, Dan is nearly nauseous with the pain of his headache. It’s unusual for him, given Phil’s usually the one who gets migraines, not him.

“Do you want me to get you some tablets while you go lay down?” Phil asks after they’ve showed Hazel out. He surveys Dan’s face carefully as if he’s looking for any visible signs of illness.

Dan shakes his head, turning to the stairs. “It’s fine, I’ll go get it.” He grabs the banister as he takes a step up the stairs, feeling a little dizzy.

“Dan, come on. Go lay down,” Phil says gently, his hand coming up to press against Dan’s back. “Sometimes you need to let other people take care of you, alright?” His voice is soft, and Dan tries very hard to hold his ground, but his head hurts, and he’s exhausted, and he frankly doesn’t want to bother with climbing up all of the stairs to the bathroom where they keep the tablets.

“Okay, fine.” He gives in a little too easily but being taken care of actually sounds kind of nice right now, if he’s being honest. “Can you grab my laptop while you’re up there?” He asks, trying not to sound too demanding and whiny.

Phil nods, but has a disapproving look on his face. “You really don’t need to be on your computer with your headache, but I’ll grab it for you. Go lay down,” he orders, stepping past Dan to walk upstairs.

Dan rolls his eyes before retreating into their room, flopping down on the bed, exhausted. He shoves his shoes off and tugs off his jeans before slipping under the duvet, leaving his clothes in a heap on the floor. He was ill, he was allowed to be messy. Phil returns a few moments later with the medicine, a glass of water, and thankfully, Dan’s laptop.

“Thank you,” he sits up to take the tablets, downing half the water in one go before laying back down. He places his MacBook on his nightstand, really not in the mood to focus on anything. A nap sounds pretty excellent right about now, actually. He curls up, prepared to go to sleep, when he realizes Phil is gathering up the various clothes items around the floor, probably to put in the dirty laundry. “Sorry, you don’t have to do that,” he murmurs from his spot on the bed, peeking over the covers at the older man.

Phil glances at him, but shrugs. “It’s fine, I think some of these are mine anyway.” He moves to the door then and pauses before stepping out. “Need anything else?” His blue eyes are soft and inquisitive, and he watches Dan carefully as he thinks over his answer.

“No, not really. Are you… are you busy?” He asks, feeling childish for asking.

Tilting his head to the side, Phil only studies him for a quiet moment. “No, I’m not. Do you want me to come lay with you?” He doesn’t ask this with any judgement, just genuine curiosity in his tone. Dan almost blushes, but he does want that, and he’s ill, so he has an excuse to ask for something like that without feeling too guilty.

He nods then, looking up at Phil with hopeful eyes. “If that’s okay?”

Phil only smiles at him before nodding. “I’ll be right back, then.”

Dan smiles back a little, curling up under his duvet as he waits for Phil to return. It was perfectly fine to ask for platonic cuddles from your best friend, right? He could do this. This was fine, there weren’t any lines being crossed.

“Shove over, mate,” Phil says jokingly, and Dan startles, having not realized he was already back. He held his own laptop in one hand and a mug of tea in the other, and Dan dutifully shifted to give him more space. His eyes follow his movements as he slips under the covers, shifting to sit up a bit and opening his MacBook. Apparently feeling Dan’s gaze, he glances down. “Yes?” He asks questioningly, a teasing smile on his face.

He shakes his head. “Sorry,” he responds, shifting back over to press closer to his best friend. He watches Phil pull up his work email, and he stares at his long fingers as they scroll over the trackpad. Dan’s eyes hurt so he doesn’t bother looking at the screen, so focusing on the movement of Phil’s fingers is nice and calming for him.

The quiet of their room is calming, only broken every now and again by Phil’s typing or sipping some tea. At one point he catches Dan’s eyes on his mouth, red with heat and slick with moisture. “Here,” he says softly, nudging Dan to sit up while he hands him the steaming mug.

Too embarrassed about being caught out to actually protest, Dan props himself up and takes a sip of the tea, not meeting Phil’s gaze as he lays back down. “Thanks,” he murmurs.

“Mhm,” Phil places the cup back on the nightstand, his right hand going back to scrolling. His left falls to Dan’s hair, which he strokes gently.

Dan closes his eyes, enjoying the attention, and his mind drifts to the events of earlier in the day. Something occurs to him then, and he opens his eyes to glance up at Phil. “Do Martyn and Cornelia actually know about what we’re doing?” He asks, unable to curb his curiosity.

Phil glances down at him, and nods slowly. “Yeah. I talked to Martyn about it before I told Mum. I wanted his thoughts on telling her the truth.”

Dan nods at this, staring down at his hands. He wasn’t upset that Phil told them, really, he just felt a little weird knowing that they knew the truth. It was different telling their coworkers and friends, as it was easier for those people to believe it, but the fact that their close family knew about it was a little strange for him.

“Are you mad?” Phil says quietly, misinterpreting Dan’s silence.

Shaking his head, Dan shoots him a reassuring smile. “No, I’m not. Just a bit odd I guess.” He sighs then, hesitating before asking, “Do you want to invite them over for dinner sometimes? It’s been a while since I’ve seen them, and I don’t want them to think I’ve kidnapped you or something.”

Phil smiles at this suggestion, and nods. He loved spending time with his family more than anything, and he was probably relieved that Dan wanted to spend time with them as well. “Sure. I’ll call him tomorrow.”

Dan nods, laying back down. He glances to the edge of Phil’s screen and sees that it’s only seven, but he really does think he’d feel better after a nap. “Are you going to be mad if I take a nap instead of entertaining you?” He asks, suddenly unsure if he can even sleep with Phil pressed so close to him.

Rolling his eyes, Phil snorts. “Yes, Dan. I’m going to be so mad if you take a nap to feel better, because I’ll be without entertainment.” He studies Dan’s unimpressed look and returns it with his tongue out. “No, go to sleep. I can get some work done while you nap.”

At this, Dan nods and gets comfortable under the covers, situating himself in a way that allows Phil to rest is hand on his hair. Dan would never admit it, but he lived for the feeling of someone running their hands through his hair, and it was undeniably making him even sleepier. “Can we order pizza when I wake up?” He mumbles suddenly, remembering that they haven’t had dinner.

“Yeah, we can order some pizza, Dan,” Phil laughs from somewhere above him.

“Cool.” 

And then the heavy hand on his head pulls him down into warm dreams.

~~~ 

They had been postponing the dinner for weeks. Initially, this had seemed ideal to Dan: the more time he had to get himself together, the better. However, after the first few days, his anxiety regarding it had skyrocketed, showing no sign of stopping. He had started taking home his work from school, pouring over student files, scholarship opportunities, and recent misdemeanor records. 

This lasted for only a few days, before he found that he really didn’t have much else to take home. The majority of his tasks needed to be done at the school, where he had easy access to all his files and his school computer. When he realized this, he just turned to learning more about foster care, although Phil typically didn’t let him stay too invested in this after he got home, insisting that they watch tv together, or play video games. Dan was fine with this, too, as it also served as a distraction from his anxiety.

Another distraction came in the form of the foster care courses they had started attending a few nights a week, required in order to be cleared for fostering. Dan took the time they spent at the rec center to take a break from worrying about what Martyn and Cornelia, and the rest of Phil’s family, thought about the situation. He hated how much he stressed over it, but he couldn’t help feeling incredibly overwhelmed just thinking about how much their opinions mattered to Phil. So, his distractions were welcome.

“Dan, what are you doing?” Phil asks as he steps into the kitchen the night before Martyn and Cornelia are supposed to be coming over. Dan had several papers spread across the kitchen table, as well as his open laptop, and he was currently working on putting together a book of emergency procedures. It had been recommended that they keep a notebook of important numbers and information in the house in case something was to happen, leaving the kids to fend for themselves.

“Working on the emergency contact thing,” Dan responds, glancing over to watch Phil pulling two mugs out of the cupboard, turning their electric kettle on for tea.

“The what?” Phil laughs, looking over at him with a confused look on his face.

Dan wordlessly slides him the leaflet. He was pretty proud of it, if he was being honest. He had typed and printed out their contacts, as well as some close friends and family, and of course actually emergency numbers, just to be safe. 

He also printed out a few sheets of emergency procedures, things like choking or fainting or even what to do in case of any minor scrapes or cuts. “They said we should put something like this together, you know, in case we have kids that are old enough to be by themselves for short periods but aren’t old enough to really know how to handle emergencies.” Dan shrugs, watching Phil carefully as he flips through the pages.

He has a surprised look on his face as he scans each page, his gaze flicking over to meet Dan’s more than once. “Dan, this is… This is really impressive. Wow.”

Dan flushes at the compliment, ducking his head slightly to hide it. “Er- thanks.” He tugs on the sleeves of his hoodie, as it was quite chilly for April, at least in their flat. “It’s not much, but I figured it was a step in the right direction. Do you think I’m missing anything?” He was pretty sure he’d covered all the bases, but if he hadn’t, then he definitely wanted to know what Phil thought he should add.

Instead of answering his question, a strange look flits across Phil’s face, and he gingerly sets the leaflet back down before turning to make their drinks. “Are you doing this to avoid me?” He asks suddenly, throwing Dan off-guard completely.

He doesn’t have a response for that. ‘Yes, and I was hoping you wouldn’t notice’ does not seem like an acceptable answer at this time. “Uh- no.” 

“Are you sure? Because you haven’t spoken to me in two days and you’ve taken home so much work lately that you ran out. And even now, you won’t look at me.” Phil is pouring with alarming speed, water droplets bursting blindly upward from the teacups.

Dan doesn’t mean to be snippy, but something about Phil’s tone sets him off, and he can’t help but feel argumentative. “So- let me see if I understand- if I’m not following you around and constantly throwing attention at you, there’s a problem?” He snaps, trying to look Phil in the eye but finding lint on his shoulder and giving up. Dan cringes at himself, knowing he was only proving Phil right, but he had already gone too far. If he took it back now, he would only be conceding to Phil’s accusation, which just rubbed him the wrong way.

Naturally, Phil responds a little colder this time, but he keeps calm, as usual. “That’s not what I was implying, Dan.” He steps over to the table and sets one of the cups of tea beside Dan’s left hand, and Dan’s eyes can’t help but travel to the silver band that rests there as he glances at the cup.

Phil’s gaze is making his skin crawl all of a sudden. “Are you done? I need to finish this.” He doesn’t even try to look at him this time, instead turning his shaking gaze onto his computer, hands too tense to type.

There’s an intake of breath, but Phil says nothing as he steps around the table. He lifts his hand, and for one ridiculous moment Dan thinks Phil might hit him, but he simply takes Dan’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, inspecting Dan’s face. Unable to avoid his gaze any longer, Dan holds his breath and his nerve, lifting his chin defiantly. They’re so close that Dan could count Phil’s eyelashes if he wanted, but before he gets the chance, Phil exhales and steps back. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I’ll let you work.”

Although that’s exactly what Dan had wanted, his hands shake when he goes to type again, long after Phil’s footsteps have faded up the stairs. He closes the laptop, cupping his hands around the mug of steaming tea instead. 

~~~ 

The next evening comes too quickly for Dan. He and Phil ignore each other during the in between hours but setting up for guests leaves little room for the silent treatment. Dan is steeling himself to break it, when Phil sneaks up behind him, bright-socked feet next to silent on the floor. 

“Do you want me to clean while you start dinner?” There’s a glass of wine in his hand. 

Dan’s mouth falls open, indignant. “You didn’t wait for Martyn and Cornelia?”

Phil has the good grace to look abashed, and maybe a little uncertain of Dan’s tone. “No, I- well-” 

“And you didn’t even offer me any?” Dan asks, eyes swimming as he makes grabby hands for the glass. “We- we were friends, Philip.”

“I- you’re being ridiculous!” Phil says, and hands Dan his glass of wine in disgust. “Start dinner, you menace. You- you thief.”

Dan smirks, pleased, as he sips from the glass. “Thanks.” 

“Watch your back, Howell. Payback’s a bitch.”

~~~

Phil exacts his wine-thefting revenge exactly an hour and three and a half glasses later. He swoops down like a deliciously tipsy Avenger, plucking the glass from Dan’s grasp as though he’s picking a dandelion. 

He glares sternly at Dan’s sound of protest. “I’m really just rescuing you from yourself here.”

Dan babbles out a string of complaints, but Phil only shoots him a look before turning to his brother. “Wine?” He asks, holding up Dan’s glass.

Martyn shakes his head, pointing to his glass of water, a hint of a smirk on his face. “Driving, but thank you.”

“I’ll take his glass, then,” Cornelia jokes, winking at Dan when he frowns at her.

“Betrayal,” Dan says dryly. “Just plain rude.”

“Funny,” Phil remarks, “I didn’t think you wanted to drink yourself under the table, yet here we are.”

“What? I’m not!” He protests, although the fact that he can’t feel his teeth says different. “I can hold my wine!”

Martyn and Phil are looking at him with identical expressions of doubt. Cornelia isn’t even that far off. It’s probably a look that one learns when they marry a Lester.

“Yes, I’m convinced.” Cornelia snickers. “Dan, you may be a tall boy, but you have the worst tolerance here.”

“Well, we can’t be so sure about that. Evan’s not started drinking yet, and I’m pretty sure I could hold my own there.” He winks at the child, who grins, holding his smaller cup of water like it’s some sort of fine wine.

“Great, you could out-drink a five-year-old. Congratulations,” Phil nudges Dan’s shoulder with his own, a small smile on his face as he brings his wine up to his lips.

Cornelia finally pipes up with a different conversation. “How’s the foster process going?” She asks, clearly trying to ease the conversation into a safer zone.

Dan glances over at Phil, unsure if this was something he even wanted to discuss with them, especially over dinner. Apparently, it wasn’t something he was averse to, because he nods, indicating that Dan could answer. He clears his throat before speaking, suddenly feeling under scrutiny. “It’s great, actually. We’ve already had the first home visit, and we’ve been going to the training a few nights a week. I think we’ll be finished with that by week after next, right?” He glances at Phil, uncertain.

Phil nods, shifting in his seat. He somehow ends up slightly closer to Dan, who struggles not to scoot even closer. “Yeah, I think we’re pretty much set. We’ve got a couple more home visits and a panel meeting, and then we should hear something back.” His gaze shifts to Dan then, and he shoots him a small smile.

“That’s great! I think it’s really amazing, what you guys are doing.” Cornelia smiles at them, a soft look on her face. Dan can’t help but return it, even if he hasn’t completely gotten over his initial worry about telling them everything.

“Yeah, it is. I’m really proud of you guys,” Martyn adds, studying Phil for a moment before his gaze shifts to Dan. He smiles at him and nods as if to reaffirm his statement.

“Thanks. I’m just relieved that Phil actually agreed to do it. Be a bit awkward if he hadn’t,” Dan jokes, bumping Phil’s shoulder as he speaks. Phil grins at him, shoving him back lightly.

“I mean, obviously I agreed. You don’t have any other friends, Dan, I was your last hope.” Phil shares a look with Cornelia and Martyn, and all of them laugh.

Dan rolls his eyes, feeling bold. “Actually, you were my first choice. If you’d said no I guess I would’ve asked Charlie.” He’s lying, of course. About Charlie, at least; Phil was Dan’s first and only choice when all this happened.

Martyn glances sideways at Cornelia, a strange look on his face before he turns to smirk at Dan. “We get it, you two are best friends and soulmates and whatever. Can we please talk about something less disgusting than your perfect relationship?” He drawls, his voice full of teasing. Phil glares at him, but Dan shrugs, unbothered.

“Definitely. How have you all been doing? Cornelia, have you written any new music?” Dan asks conversationally, moving onto something he knew they could all talk about.

Cornelia beams. As she tells Dan all about the latest EP she’s been working on, he listens intently, nodding along and commenting here and there. Martyn and Phil begin talking about something to do with Phil’s job, and Evan is in his own little world at the end of the table, playing with his dinosaur nuggets. The rest of the dinner continues much in that fashion, with family gossip and conversations about work coming easy to all of them, since they’d known each other for so long. Dan finds himself smiling more often than not, and he catches Phil’s gaze several times, pleased to see that he looks just as content.

It’s not until later, after Dan and Cornelia have moved to the lounge upstairs with Evan while Martyn and Phil stay back to clean the kitchen, that something goes wrong. Dan had just finished what was probably his fourth or fifth glass of wine, so like the good host he is, he offers to get Cornelia a refill as he goes to get his own. He takes their glasses towards the kitchen, his mind still focused on the conversation they had been having about Evan’s school. His thoughts are so tangled up in that he doesn’t realize he can hear low, annoyed whispers until he gets to the hallway by the kitchen.

He really doesn’t intend to eavesdrop, honestly, he doesn’t, but he can’t help it. He stumbles to a stop, leaning forward just enough to hear what’s being said.

“It is true, Phil. You told me, all the way back when you met-“ Martyn’s voice is low and full of what Dan assumes is disappointment.

Phil interrupts him then, his voice quiet and rushed. “That was a long time ago!”

“I still don’t see what your deal is, honestly, Phil. Is this seriously a good idea?”

Dan’s heart sinks as he realizes there’s a huge chance that they’re talking about the fostering situation.

“Yes! Of course.” Phil’s response is immediate.

Martyn sighs, and Dan imagines he’s got his hand on Phil’s shoulder in that reassuring, older brother way of his. “I’m just saying, mate. You’re living together. What the hell is even the point of waiting?”

Dan’s eyebrows furrow and it takes all his willpower not to step into the room then. “Because, I’ve told you, Martyn. We aren’t like that.” Phil sounds almost despondent.

“Oh, really? You’re signing up to be a parent with him, Phil. That’s not a game. And you’re just saying you don’t care for him?” Martyn’s voice is full of incredulity, as if he’s talking to some moron instead of his brother.

He strains to hear Phil’s response, nearly dropping one of the glasses in his hand as he struggles to stay perfectly still, his palms sweating with the effort. “Of course, that’s not what I’m saying. He’s my best friend.” Dan’s throat tightens.

“But- Phil, I don’t understand. It’s so obvious that-” Martyn sounds downright close to begging, but Phil cuts him off.

“Drop it, Martyn! And don’t breathe a word of this to Dan; just- don’t. You’re not helping, okay?”

Dan feels hurt by that, but of course, he can’t act as if he’s heard it. Martyn must nod or something, because they both go silent, and then he hears the sound of the faucet being turned on. Shaking himself and fixing a smile on his face, Dan takes three steps away from the kitchen and pauses before walking in, as if he hadn’t just been stood eavesdropping. He hums to himself as he walks in, and he doesn’t miss the way Phil jumps at his entrance.

“More wine, sir!” he proclaims dramatically, curtsying. Phil studies him for a moment before grinning.

“Are you sure you need more wine?” He asks, raising his eyebrows. That look again. 

Dan’s fully aware of Martyn’s gaze on them, but he ignores it in favor of shooting Phil a bored look. “I’m twenty-seven and it’s a Friday night, kind sir. Might I implore that a man will allow me some wine in these trying times?” 

The older man just sighs before refilling the glasses. “I’m cutting you off after this one,” he warns, screwing the lid back on firmly and placing it back in the cupboard.

Raising one eyebrow, Dan leans his hip against the counter, sipping his wine as he surveys Phil. “Yeah? I’ve got liquor in more places than one, Philly.” Sparing a glance over at Martyn, who almost looks pained by their interaction, Dan steps forward and pats Phil’s cheek, trailing his hand up to brush a wisp of hair back into Phil’s quiff. “Good luck hiding all of it from me, though.” He tosses a wave over his shoulder before spinning around and leaving the kitchen, his blood boiling. He wasn’t sure if he was mad because they’d been talking about him behind his back, or if it was because he wasn’t sure exactly what the exact context of the conversation was.

Either way, he wipes away his aggravation long enough to go upstairs and entertain Cornelia and Evan until they’re joined by Martyn and Phil. They bring out the board games, and Dan continues to help himself to their quickly draining wine bottle.

The rest of the evening continues in a similar fashion, Dan and Phil teaming up to go against Cornelia and Martyn in a few board games while Evan entertained himself with the PlayStation. Dan kept a steady stream of alcohol flowing into his system, much to the chagrin of Phil, who he could tell was practically seething by the time Martyn and Cornelia were saying their goodbyes.

Cornelia was slightly tipsier than Dan, as she was also a bit of a lightweight, so when she hugged him goodbye, she practically threw herself into his arms. “Bye, Danny,” she sighs into his ear, kissing his cheek. She doesn’t let go of him right away, and instead lowers her voice. “I’m so glad you’re really going to be a part of the family, officially. We’ve been waiting years.” When she leans away, she has a wide, drunken smile on her face, and even though Dan’s not much better off, he shoots a confused smile her way.

“Alright, Cor,” he says gently through a laugh as he pulls away. “I’ll see you soon, okay? We need to do this more often.” She nods along to this before going to take Evan by the hand. Martyn gives them one last wave before ushering his wife and son out of the building, leaving Dan and Phil alone.

Dan fully expects it, but he’s still a little annoyed when Phil turns to face him, a look of irritation in his eyes. “What the hell was that?” He demands immediately after the door has shut, crossing his arms over his chest.

Childishly, Dan mimics his posture, his movements slow and awkward through the haze of alcohol. “What?” He says mockingly. 

Phil stares at him for a moment, searching Dan’s face. When he can’t seem to decipher Dan’s mood, he throws his hands up. “I honestly don’t know what the hell your problem is this time, Dan. You were fine earlier, we were fine earlier. What changed?” He asks, running a hand over his face in what Dan assumes is exhaustion.

Dan would feel bad, especially knowing that he’s the one who caused it, but as it is, he’s kind of a petulant child when he’s been drinking, and his reaction isn’t what it would be if he were in his right mind. “I’m a fucking adult, I can drink if I want. I don’t need you fucking nagging me. We aren’t actually together, you know,” he hisses.

“You’re absolutely right, Dan. We’re not. I’m not fucking responsible for you. So, you know what? Do what you want, drink however much you like.” He sounds very finalized about this, and Dan can’t help the slight panic that flares up when Phil turns and walks into their bedroom without a second look at him.

Unsure of what else to do, Dan follows him, a frown etched onto his face when he sees Phil pulling out a hoodie from their closet. He tugs it on over the t-shirt he had been wearing, and Dan watches in confused silence. When Phil goes to tug his shoes on, a new bout of panic sets in and Dan quickly steps towards him. Phil shoots him a glare, but Dan ignores this, bringing his hand up to grip the older man’s sleeve.

“Where are you going?” he whispers, his heart clenching as he wonders if he had really fucked up this time.

“Out,” Phil snaps, brushing Dan’s hand off him. Dan takes a step back, hurt. Phil never acted like this, not to him.

Dan can only watch helplessly as Phil moves to grab his phone off the charger, and his wallet. He tugs the ring off his finger and exchanges it for his keys that are resting on the nightstand. Dan feels nauseous as he stares at the silver band. Only after he’s got his key in his hand does he turn to face Dan. There’s a conflicted look on his face for a moment, but it’s quickly replaced by his set jaw, indicating that he really is pissed off. “I’ll be back later.” He moves to leave their bedroom then, and like a lost puppy, Dan trails after him, reaching out to grab his sleeve.

“Wait-“ he begins, unsure of what he even wants to stay. Phil again pulls away from his grip, although much gentler this time. When he glances over his shoulder at Dan, he’s left a little speechless, honestly lost as to how their night went so bad so quickly. Some part of his brain tries to provide him with a memory, something to do with Martyn and Phil, but his alcohol-addled brain rejects it in favor of pleading. “Please don’t leave,” his voice sounds small, and it’s not until he says it aloud that he realizes that his voice sounds wet, as if he’s about to start crying.

Phil faces him, a frown on his face. They’re stood beside the door now, and Phil looks exhausted, and Dan feels a pit in his stomach that he knows is guilt for causing all this, but he can’t look away from the disappointed gaze of Phil’s blue eyes. Dan barely realizes it when the first tear rolls down his cheek, but when he feels it, it’s followed by several more. He brings up the sleeve of his jumper to wipe them away, and at the action he notices a soft, pained look cross Phil’s face.

Dan’s almost positive that Phil is going to stay. When he raises his hand up as if he’s going to wipe away some of the tears, Dan is certain he’s about to say that they can just forget about the whole thing and go to sleep. He’s surprised when instead, Phil drops his hand, his expression going blank before he steps away. Dan’s heart clenches tightly, and if he wasn’t already crying, he definitely would be now.

“I’m sorry” Dan whispers, his breath catching. “I fucking- fucked it. I fucked it all up.”

“Go to bed,” Phil says quietly, averting his eyes before stepping out the door, closing it gently behind him, leaving Dan on his own in complete silence.

Staring at the door, Dan can only sit and wonder when exactly in the evening he had decided that drinking would solve any of his anxieties or problems, as he now feels about ninety percent worse about all of them. He trudges to his and Phil’s room and cries into Phil’s pillow for another moment, before guilt overwhelms him and he doesn’t feel he deserves to even be in their room. He takes Phil’s pillow back down to the door with him, sits down in the unlit hall, and falls asleep with his head in his arms.

~~~ 

An unknown amount of time passes between Dan drifting off to sleep and him waking up to the sound of the front door being unlocked. His eyelids feel heavier than usual, so it takes some effort to peel his eyes open and find the source of the disruption. When Phil steps on him though, Dan stirs, immediately wide awake.

Phil screams softly. Even mid-scream, he is mindful of the fact that it’s the middle of the night and the apartment walls are thin. Dan respects that in a man, but barely has any time to reflect on this as Phil tumbles to the floor, all knees and elbows and other sharp corners. 

Dan does his best to cushion his fall with his hands, but to little effect. The sound falls just short of a BOOM, but the apartment still shakes. 

When Dan’s eyes find Phil’s face, he almost laughs at the expression on Phil’s face: confused, bewildered, eyes wide, brows down, mouth slack. “Hey,” Phil says softly. 

“Hi,” Dan croaks back, realizing the very breath has been forcefully evacuated from his lungs. He swallows hard, vaguely aware of the horrible taste in his mouth at the action. 

“Why’re you here?” Phil grumbles out a moment later, beginning to right himself 

Dan glances down at them, collapsed on the floor of their apartment. “I live here,” he mumbles. 

There’s a huff and a flurry of limbs, and then Phil finds the floor with surety this time. “That’s not what I meant, Dan.” He crouches down, their eyes meeting instantly. “Why are you curled up in the hallway?”

Shrugging, Dan digs his fingers into the pillow in his lap. “Waiting for you.” 

“I’m here,” Phil deadpans. 

Dan nods. 

With a sigh, Phil stands, holding a hand out for Dan. “Come on. You need to go sleep it off.” 

Phil tugs him off the floor, guiding him to their bedroom with a hand on the small of his back. He deposits Dan on his side of the bed before retreating to the dresser, digging through his pajama drawer as Dan watches. It dawns on him, as Phil strips off his shirt, that it’s a bit creepy to watch, and he moves to lay down, tugging the duvet over himself blindly.

After Phil is dressed, he settles onto the mattress beside Dan. Unable to help himself, Dan brings a hand up to gently trace Phil’s pinky with his own, avoiding eye contact. “I’m sorry, Phil,” He whispers, his voice breaking embarrassingly. “I know I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I didn’t even mean it.” 

It’s quiet for a moment before Phil pulls his hand away. “Okay,” He says quietly, staring up at the ceiling. 

Dan waits, but when he doesn’t say anything else, he shifts forward a bit. “Are you... I’m sorry I made you upset.” He chews his lip as he struggles to think of some way to fix everything. 

“You said that.” Phil responds tiredly, his eyes closing. 

At a loss, Dan reaches over and places his hand on Phil’s wrist. The older man cracks one eye open to gaze at him, his expression otherwise stoic. “Please,” He breathes, his chest aching. “Tell me what to do to fix it. Please.”

Phil stares at him for a long, excruciating moment before he suddenly rolls over, facing the opposite way. “Go to sleep, Daniel.” 

~~~ 

Dan really does try to sleep, honestly, he does, but it’s made very clear after only a half hour that he won’t be sleeping anytime soon. His stomach is churning, and he can’t help but shift around on the bed, breathing raggedly as he tries to sleep through the nausea. 

He thinks he’s doing an alright job of pretending to be asleep, but at some point, a harsh whisper cuts through the dizziness.

“What the hell are you doing?” 

Dan shakes his head, squeezing his eyes closed when the motion just makes him dizzier and more nauseous. “I don’t feel well,” he whispers, turning his face into his pillow.

Phil sits up in alarm, a concerned look on his face. “Well, obviously, you drank enough to kill someone.” He sounds almost bitter, and Dan feels a fresh wave of guilt wash over him. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” Phil asks tentatively, his attitude shifting once he realizes how sick Dan really is. 

Considering he felt he was about to puke on their sheets, his answer was a yes, but rather than vocalizing this, Dan only nods before shifting and stumbling off the bed. He clutches a hand over his mouth as his stomach lurches, but he makes it to the toilet just in time. A few minutes and a burning throat later he is resting his forehead on the toilet seat, feeling just as shit as before, only now the smell of vomit is overwhelming his senses.

He doesn’t realize he’s not alone until he feels a hand graze his back, then the feeling of a cool cloth pressing to his forehead. His eyes open tiredly, shifting to look at Phil, who has a small frown on his lips. “Feel better?” He whispers, his blue eyes scanning Dan’s face as he gently pats the cold flannel over his cheeks. 

Dan nods untruthfully, slumping forward. “Mhm.” 

“Okay. Do you need water? Or drugs?” Phil leans back on his heels, watching Dan with a pitying expression. 

“Um... water?” Dan croaks, clearing his throat with a cringe. This wasn’t the first time Phil had seen him sick by any means but that doesn’t mean he had to enjoy him witnessing it yet again.

“Sure.” Phil stands and looks as if he’s about to help Dan stand, but his stomach lurches again and he’s back to where he was, puking into the porcelain bowl yet again. Phil’s hands come up to brush through his hair, flattening his curls back away from his forehead. He murmurs soothingly for several moments before Dan decides he’s done, and then flushes it away, much to Dan’s relief. 

“Sorry,” He whispers, bringing a hand up to wipe at his mouth. “You can go back to bed if you want, I’ll just go to the lounge.” There were very few things Dan liked less than sleeping on his own in the lounge, but he’d do it if it meant he wouldn’t have to worry about keeping Phil up. 

The older man rolls his eyes before standing. “Sure, because if you’re in a different room I’ll just magically stop worrying about you. Right.” He quirks an eyebrow at Dan as if to get his point across, but Dan only shrugs weakly. “Come on, let’s get you back in bed.” 

Slightly embarrassed that he nearly trips as he stands, Dan grips Phil’s arm and allows him to lead the way back to the bed, flopping down on it the second he’s close enough. “Thanks,” Dan breathes, closing his eyes as he tries to stay still and let the room stop spinning. 

“I’ll be right back with some water,” Phil says over his shoulder as he makes his way out of their room. 

Dan waits there quietly, staring up at the ceiling. He really hated that he was the type of person who caused all this trouble when he was sad and drunk, but he was and there was very little he could do about it now. Some part of him reminds him that the whole reason he was upset in the first place was because of the conversation he’d overheard between Phil and his brother, but somehow even that didn’t make him feel much better about the reaction he’d had. Regardless of whether or not what he’d heard hurt his feelings, he shouldn’t have reacted like that.

“Here,” Phil’s voice interrupts his thoughts as he returns with a glass of water, something else clutched in his left hand. 

Dan sits up slowly and takes the water, taking a large sip. He eyes Phil’s other hand warily, wondering what exactly he has. Dan’s assuming it’s medicine, which he hates. “What’s that?” He asks, nodding to Phil’s closed hand with a frown on his face. 

Phil sighs before sitting down on the bed beside him, holding his hand out, palm up. Two tablets rest there, and Dan recognizes them but groans. “Paracetamol. You have to take them, Dan. You’ll feel better if you do.” 

“But, I don’t wanna take the hell-drug,” Dan complains, quite childishly. 

Rolling his eyes, Phil takes the water from him, replacing it with the tablets. “Quit being a baby and take them.” He watches him carefully, his blue eyes intense on Dan’s face as he makes sure that he’s actually swallowed the pills before handing him the water to help them go down. “There. Wasn’t so hard, was it?” He asks, his tone full of false brightness. 

Dan pouts as he lays down, shooting him a look. “Yeah it was,” he argues, pulling the duvet up as he rolls over to face Phil. They sit in silence for a few moments while Phil takes the glass and puts it on the nightstand and then he lays down as well, mirroring Dan’s stance. “Thanks for taking care of me,” Dan whispers, his voice coming out small. 

Phil nods, lifting a hand to brush Dan’s hair back. The brunette closes his eyes, breathing through his nose as he stays still, as if moving will destroy this moment entirely. “Are you okay?” Phil asks softly.

His eyes flickering open at the sound of his voice, Dan nods slowly. “Yeah, I feel better.”

The older man bites his lip but shakes his head. “That’s… that’s not quite what I meant, Dan.” When Dan only offers him a confused frown, Phil sighs, pulling his hand away. “I meant, like, are you okay… after whatever set you off earlier? I know you don’t just get drunk for fun. So…” Dan’s heart clenches as Phil tilts his head, looking at him with a sad smile.

It’s quiet for a moment in the room before Dan finally shrugs. He wasn’t going to admit to hearing their conversation. He hated himself for eavesdropping, and now that he really thinks about it, being upset is exactly what he deserved. You don’t eavesdrop on someone and get upset when you hear something you don’t like; that was ridiculous. So, he guessed that in a way, his punishment for doing it in the first place was being privy to a conversation he didn’t quite understand, but one that allowed him to draw upsetting conclusions nonetheless.

“I was upset about something,” Dan says lamely, staring down at his nails, avoiding Phil’s gaze.

“Yeah?” Phil prompts gently.

Dan glances over at him once, nodding. “It’s late, I shouldn’t keep you up,” he murmurs lamely.

Phil sighs, rolling over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He looks older all of a sudden, and Dan’s a little surprised when he notices how much Phil actually looks his age for once. Not exactly in a bad way, but he just looks… tired, mostly. And a little stressed. Dan’s throat tightens, knowing that it’s because of him.

“Obviously you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Phil’s murmuring, Dan almost missing it due to his own inner monologue. “But I’m still your best friend above anything else. All this other stuff aside… You can talk to me, Dan.”

There’s a short silence before Dan nods. “I know.”

The sound of their quiet breathing feels the air for a few moments before Phil sighs, rolling away so that his back is to Dan. “Night, Dan.” His voice is quiet and resigned, and Dan hates that.

“Night, Phil,” he replies around the lump in his throat, struggling not to cry like he so wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update but thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter Five

The next morning is arguably a bit better than the night before, in some ways. In several other ways, however, it’s worse.

In the light of day, it’s easy to forget any of the conversations they’d had the night before that may or may not have left Dan feeling guilty and sad, but one thing that’s not easy to forget is the headache he’s got. He expected it, naturally, but he had been half-hoping that the paracetamol from the night before would have had a bit more effect on his head, rather than just relieving his nausea of the night before. He groans at the light coming in the window, rolling over and throwing an arm over his eyes. As he does this, he realizes that he’s got a fair bit of space on the bed, which he’s a little surprised by.

Sure enough, when he sits up and glances around, the bed is empty besides himself, which he frowns upon realizing. It’s not like he fully expected Phil to stay with him the whole morning, but, well… he’d hoped.

Just as he goes to crawl out of the bed and into the bathroom, Phil steps into the room, his eyebrows shooting up when he looks at Dan. “Oh, good, you’re up.” He smiles, and Dan shifts, wondering if he’s in a good mood or just pretending to keep things from being awkward.

“Yeah,” Dan croaks, cringing when he hears his voice.

Phil nods to the water on the nightstand, leaning against the wall beside the big mirror he hates cleaning. “I brought that in here about an hour ago, but you were dead to the world.” His lips quirk up as he says this, and Dan can’t help but mirror his small smile as he takes a sip of the water, now room temperature.

“Thanks,” he says appreciatively, balancing the cup on his knee. “How long have you been up?”

Shrugging, Phil moves to come sit beside him, his eyes watching the cup warily. Dan rolls his eyes and brings his other hand up to clutch the cup, mainly to calm Phil’s nerves about the precariousness of it. “I’ve been up since nine, and it’s almost twelve now, so… that long.” Phil shrugs before he brings his hand up to Dan’s forehead. “How’re you feeling?” He asks, his blue eyes searching Dan’s face for any sign of discomfort.

Dan subtly presses forward, pressing his forehead harder against Phil’s hand, mainly because it relieves a bit of the tension. “My head hurts,” he says simply.

At this, Phil snorts, dropping his hand. “I’m sure it does, mate. You drank a lot.” His eyes drop then, staring down at the glass rather than at Dan’s face. Dan can imagine what he’s thinking, but he’s already decided not to share the truth behind the way he’d acted the night before. He did, however, come up with a semi-convincing half-truth.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, moving his hand to poke Phil’s thigh. He smiles when Phil rolls his eyes at the childish gesture. “I… I guess just having your family here sort of overwhelmed me, and I got to thinking about it and how they probably think this is crazy, and I guess I just feel like you’re going to change your mind,” he admits, staring down at his hands wrapped around the glass of water. He’s surprised at how easy it comes to him, but then he realizes he’s really not lying. Sure, it wasn’t unfounded fear, but beneath the anger of hearing Martyn trying to dissuade Phil from doing this with him, Dan truly did believe that the main reason he’d acted that way was because it made him afraid that Phil would change his mind.

“Dan,” Phil says quietly, causing Dan to look up. He gives him a soft smile, knocking his knee against Dan’s gently. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you. I told you I would do this, I’m going to do it. You know I don’t back out of things once I’ve made up my mind.”

His words do ease some of Dan’s anxiety about it, but he’s still concerned about what would happen if Phil regretted it or decided at some point he didn’t want to do it anymore. Honestly, it would be better for him to just admit it now, even if Dan didn’t want it to happen, because it would be much harder if they’d already started fostering when he comes to the conclusion that Dan fears he might. Still, Dan desperately didn’t want that to happen at all, so he really hopes that somehow it won’t.

Rather than sit and dwell on this on a perfectly good Saturday morning, Dan nods, smiling weakly at Phil. “Okay.”

Phil smiles before moving to stand up. “Think you can get up or do you just wanna have a lazy day today?” He asks, reaching for Dan’s almost empty cup, likely to refill it.

“I think I’m going to take a shower and see how I feel after that,” Dan replies, handing him the cup and sliding off the bed. “Did you want to do anything today or is it okay if we just hang out here?” He rifles through his side of their closet as he speaks, glancing over his shoulder when Phil doesn’t immediately answer. It’s only then that he realizes he’s very much underdressed, in only a pair of boxers for once, not even a t-shirt thrown over it. He blushes as he feels Phil’s gaze on him, stuttering out an apology as he shuffles to the bathroom, not even waiting for a response as he goes to take a shower.

Slightly mortified at the fact that just happened but not fully understanding why, Dan starts the water in the shower, waiting for it to get nice and warm while he brushes his teeth. A moment later, he pulls his boxers off, tossing them off to the side somewhere and stepping into the shower, pulling the frosted glass door close behind him. He was so grateful that the en-suite bathroom had such a huge shower, and he was even more grateful for the nice clouded glass.

He's reminded just how thankful he is for this type of glass when the door to the bathroom swings open a minute later, nearly making him jump. Luckily the glass is pre-made to be hard to see through and the steam from the hot water had managed to make it even more so.

“I brought you some more water and paracetamol, Dan.” Phil’s voice carries from the door, and Dan can just make out the vague outline of him through the glass. “I’m gonna pop down to the shop, do you need anything?”

Dan thinks for a moment as he lets the water run over his hair, considering Phil’s offer. “Lemonade would be nice,” he calls back softly, incredibly aware of the fact that the only thing keeping Phil from seeing his naked body is a layer of glass. He can’t explain the slight spike in his heart rate at the thought, although he chooses to blame it on nerves.

“Okay,” Phil laughs quietly. “I’ll be back in a bit, call if you need anything.”

The door closes behind him softly, and only then does Dan relax, closing his eyes as he tries to get his thoughts on literally anything other than the fact that his best friend was so close to seeing him so… exposed, for lack of a better word. Sure, they’d known each other for ten years and had lived together for a good portion of that, and there’d been that time, nearly a decade ago when they’d met… but Dan refuses to remember that, so he goes right back to thinking about how much his head hurts instead. Anything to keep his thoughts away from… that.

He showers quickly, although he does want to take advantage of the vacant flat and relieve some stress, he’s just not feeling up to it. His head is hurting and he’s just not feeling well enough to even enjoy a proper wank, so he doesn’t bother. Instead he showers as quickly as he can, skipping conditioner in favor of getting out and back into bed sooner.

He changes into the sweats and t-shirt he’d brought in, taking the paracetamol Phil had left for him and hoping he can stomach some crackers or something to avoid getting sick. He’s surprised only slightly to find that Phil has also left him some toast on his nightstand, and while it’s probably not as warm as it would’ve been if he’d eaten it when it was made, the gesture behind it makes him tear up a little bit. He blames this on his hangover, shoving whatever pathetic emotion that is down while he goes to eat his toast.

After he’s finished and laying on his side, his eyes closed as he tries to encourage sleep, he listens carefully for any indication that Phil has returned. He hates himself a little for it, but he desperately misses his best friend, and he feels that with everything that’s happened he hasn’t really had any time with just Phil lately. He can’t explain it really, but he misses how things were before everything became such a complicated charade.

At some point between laying down and going down this spiral of thoughts, Dan must fall asleep, because the next thing he knows, he’s being woken up by the feeling of a blanket being pulled over him. “Phi-?” He mumbles, his voice coming out garbled with sleep.

“Hey. It’s just me. Go back to sleep.” Phil’s voice is quiet and soothing, and Dan sighs in relief, catching the older man’s hand as he pulls the blanket up and over Dan’s shoulders.

“Missed you,” Dan sighs, squeezing Phil’s hand once before letting go. He’s exhausted and doesn’t want to open his eyes, but just knowing that Phil is there makes him feel at ease. “Sorry I’ve been such a shit friend lately.” The words tumble out of his mouth without his permission, but they’re true and need to be said, honestly.

“Dan...” Phil sighs, sounding tired. “You need to quit apologizing. Everything is fine. Just get some rest, okay?” Dan feels his hand come up to brush against his forehead, and Dan nearly shivers at the contact.

“M’kay.” He feels the bed shift again, probably indicating that Phil is leaving, and Dan reaches out to tug on his T-shirt. “Stay here?” He pleads. He was whiny when he was ill, but he felt less guilty about it since he was also half asleep.

A sigh escapes Phil’s mouth, but Dan feels him shift to lay down. “Just for a few minutes, then I’ve gotta go do some things. Okay?”

Dan only hums in reply, already too gone in unconsciousness to respond.

~~~

The rest of the day is slow, even by their standards. Dan wakes at one point to find Phil asleep next to him, and from the looks of things, he’d never left to go do some things after all. The thought makes Dan smile, and he tries his best to be subtle as he studies Phil as he sleeps. He’s vaguely aware of how creepy this is, but he brushes the thought away. They share a bed, and he’d just woken up to find Phil asleep not six inches away; of course he was going to look at him, he was bored, and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. At least, that’s what he tells himself to justify it as his eyes study the shape of Phil’s lips and the lines around his eyes.

When Phil eventually wakes, Dan has the common sense to act like he’d only been awake a few minutes rather than the half hour he’d probably truthfully been up. Luckily, Phil buys this easily, more concerned with how Dan is feeling.

“I’m better. The nap helped,” he admits, sitting up and stretching. He smirks at the face Phil pulls upon hearing his back pop, and just to be a pest, he does the same motion again.

“Stop that!” Phil complains, shoving him. “It’s disgusting.”

Dan shrugs before climbing out of bed and grabbing his phone. “Wanna go watch Riverdale with me?”

Phil sighs dramatically but nods. “Yeah. We should order something. How does Chinese sound?”

“Sure,” Dan agrees easily, leading the way to the upstairs lounge. They had the one downstairs, but their TV was upstairs, which sometimes, he admitted, was a little annoying.

Their day is completely unproductive in every sense of the word, but Dan feels more relaxed than he has in a while. They don’t talk much, only to make fun of the characters on the show they’re watching. They certainly don’t talk about what had happened the night before, which Dan is honestly grateful for. Instead they spend the rest of Saturday and most of the day Sunday just hanging out and watching various shows and movies on Netflix. At some point Phil makes them go grocery shopping, but other than that, they stay completely unproductive.

By Monday, Dan feels well rested and ready for another week of school counseling and after-school foster carer training sessions. He’s standing in their bedroom buttoning the buttons on the solid black shirt he’s picked out for today when Phil walks in, his eyes raking over Dan as he walks over to their bed. Dan quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t comment on this, considering Phil was probably just amused at the fact that he was in all black, yet again.

Proving his thought correct, Phil nods to the closet as he climbs onto the bed and leans back against the headboard. “You have shirts that aren’t black, you know. And so do I.” His eyebrow is raised as a smile twitches at his lips, clearly challenging.

Dan shrugs, fixing the cuff on his sleeve. “Yeah, and? This one looks good.” He goes to put on his shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed beside Phil’s feet as he pulls them on.

Phil’s foot comes up to prod at his hip gently, and Dan smiles a little down at his shoes that he’s pulling on. “I didn’t say it didn’t,” Phil replies quietly. He’s watching Dan with an odd look on his face, and when Dan sits up to meet his gaze he feels a little self-conscious.

“Yeah?” he teases, dropping his hand to Phil’s foot and tracing the stars on the sock he’s wearing.

“Of course. We both know you look good in black,” Phil shrugs as if it’s obvious, and Dan feels a weird tug in his chest at the half-compliment. “It’s just like staring into a black hole when I look at you.” Phil grins as he says this, clearly finding himself very funny.

Rolling his eyes, Dan squeezes Phil’s foot before standing up. “You’re hilarious.” He grabs his phone from the end of the bed before lightly tapping Phil’s thigh with it. “Do you want to come have lunch with me today?” He’s not sure why he’s feeling so clingy all of a sudden, but he really does want them to have lunch together, since they haven’t done it in a while during the work week. It wasn’t uncommon for them to do it, but lately things have been so busy with either Phil’s job or his own, and they hadn’t been able to since before the whole fostering thing happened.

Phil nods, moving his foot to press his toes against Dan’s leg, as he’s standing so close to the bed. “Sure. Do you want me to pick something up on my way?”

“Yeah, that’ll work. Indian?” He’s hopeful as he says this, as he’s been craving Indian food lately.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want. See you at twelve?” Phil tilts his head and he looks so adorable sitting there looking up at him, Dan just wants to lean down and kiss him. Obviously, that would be completely weird, so he doesn’t do it.

Instead, he pokes the arch of Phil’s foot, making him jerk it away immediately. Dan only smiles and does it again, causing Phil to squeal and tuck his feet under the duvet. “See you later, dear. Don’t forget to stop for Indian food or I’ll break your hands,” Dan tosses the words over his shoulder as he walks out of their room, cursing himself for the term of endearment almost as soon as it’s left his mouth.

Phil doesn’t even seem to notice it, thankfully. “Be safe driving and wear your seatbelt, Daniel!” He calls back, making Dan smirk before muttering an agreement.

He drives to the school carefully, just as he’d promised, his seatbelt nice and snug across his chest. He’s only a little distracted this morning, mainly just replaying their conversation from earlier, his mind almost unable to wrap around the simple domesticity of it all. It had always been like that, he was sure, but lately it just seemed… sort of amplified, in a way he couldn’t really grasp entirely. Sure, a few aspects of their friendship had changed in some ways, but not in ways that should make Dan feel like he does now. He feels… content, actually. Content in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while.

Dan clears his head quickly when he gets to the school, trying to force himself into his work persona. He had things to do today, mainly things that involved schedules and some administrative work he didn’t want to bother with, but those were the perks of working in the education system, he supposed.

He’s barely even settled into his chair in his office when there’s a knock, the door opening before he can even respond. He isn’t too surprised to see Louise standing there, a smile on her face. “Sure, Lou, come on in, I’m not busy or anything.” He rolls his eyes fondly as he waves her in, knowing that she won’t be the slightest bit offended by his sarcasm.

“You’ve just gotten here, Daniel, we both know you aren’t fussed with work yet,” Louise laughs as she comes in, settling herself in one of the chairs across from him.

When she doesn’t immediately offer an explanation for her presence, Dan raises an eyebrow at her in question. “Can I help you?” he asks, trying not to laugh at the look of offense on her face.

“What a way to make a girl welcome!” She giggles along with him, clearly not truly bothered by his attitude.

Dan rolls his eyes before leaning on the desk, smiling at her. “Right, where are my manners?” She starts to answer, and he shoots her a look. “How are you, Louise? It’s so good to see you. Would you like some tea? What do you want?” He counts each question off on his fingers before smirking at her. “That cover everything?”

Louise rolls her eyes at him, giving him an unimpressed look. “Honestly, Dan, can’t I just come by and visit my favorite counselor?” Her voice is sweet, and he’s immediately suspicious.

“No,” he answers immediately, shaking his head. “I think you’re up to something.”

She looks guilty, and he knows he’s right. “Alright, fine, I did have a question, or more of a request.” She bats her eyes at him as if it’s going to soften the blow for whatever horrible thing she’s about to say, and he just waves her on to get it out. “Well, you’re obviously very busy these days with wedding planning and what have you.” Dan’s proud of himself for containing his confusion for a second before he realizes what she’s referencing. Then he’s stiffening in nervousness, worried about whatever is about to come out of her mouth.

“Yeah…” He drags the word out, looking at her with narrowed eyes. “And you’re mentioning this because?”

Louise smiles and sets her hands on the desk, looking like she’s about to try and sell him a membership to some sort of exclusive company. “Well, obviously I’ve met Phil before, but not as your fiancé,” she starts, and Dan’s stomach twists. He’s afraid he knows where this is going, and he’s not sure he likes it. “So, I think you should have him join us for lunch!” She beams, as if this is the best idea she’s ever had.

Dan raises an eyebrow at this, propping his chin up on his hand. “Is that so?” He asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The blonde rolls her eyes, her smile dropping in favor of a pout. “Please, Dan! I know he comes to lunch sometimes, but I just want to know more about your relationship, and I feel like what better way to do that than having you both here for lunch?”

Her request actually makes sense, and he almost hates it that much more because of this. And it wouldn’t be the worst thing if she joined them for lunch, he supposed, since the more people knew, the more believable their little charade would be.

He sighs dramatically, sitting back in his seat and tossing his hands up in defeat. “You’re in luck this time,” he drawls, rolling his eyes as he pulls his phone out. “Phil was coming for lunch today anyway.”

Louise claps her hands excitedly, a huge smile on her face. “Yes! This’ll be so much fun, Dan.”

The brunette snorts at the idea that this is going to be a fun experience but chooses not to comment on that. “I need to ask him if it’s okay for you to join us though, because when we made plans this morning it was just going to be the two of us.” He shoots her a look as if this is an inconvenience for him, which he supposed it wasn’t really. He was just being a little reluctant because he wasn’t positive they could pull off the whole relationship thing to someone who thought it was actually real. Even though they’d pulled it off with Hazel, he wasn’t sure they could really convince someone who already knew them, but he guessed they were going to find out.

“Oh, hush. You get enough of him at home, share the man a little.” She winks as she says this, and Dan’s cheeks flush at the implications behind her words.

He rolls his eyes at her as he dials Phil’s number, glad that he knows that Phil won’t have left for work yet and should be close to his phone. It takes him a moment to answer, and when he does he sounds a little breathless. “Yes?”

Dan frowns, glancing at the phone for a moment before bringing it back up to his ear. “Are you okay? You sound strange.”

Phil clears his throat, and Dan thinks he almost sounds… embarrassed? No, maybe not embarrassed. Perhaps a little guilty. Dan hopes he hasn’t broken anything but knowing him there was honestly no telling. “I’m fine.” His voice does sound a little more normal, so Dan just assumes his phone was in a separate room and he’d had to rush to get it before it stopped ringing. That explains the shortness of breath when he’d answered, at least.

“Alright… I have a question.” Louise smiles sweetly at him from across his desk, and he rolls his eyes. “Do you mind if Louise joins us for lunch today? She insists on fleshing out every detail of our romance, preferably over lunch for some reason.” Louise shakes her head at this with a huff, but Dan only smirks.

He hears a laugh from the other end of the line, and Dan smiles since Phil hadn’t gotten annoyed at the suggestion. “That’s fine with me, Dan. Just text me what she wants from the Indian place and I’ll bring everything over around twelve.”

Dan nods, glancing over at Louise and giving her a nod, to which she claps quietly, a look of excitement on her face. “Alright.” Hyper-aware of Louise’s presence, he averts his eyes to his screen, slightly uncomfortable with the pressure of acting like a couple, even when his supposed other half wasn’t even present. “See you then, babe. Be safe.”

Phil giggles, likely at the pet name, and Dan vows to kick him for making it even more embarrassing as soon as Phil gets here. “Bye, Dan. Oh, I mean, bye babe.”

He tries very hard not to blush at the term, because it sounds very different coming from Phil’s lips, and Dan hates it. He hangs up without any further comment, well aware that calling Phil out about it with the audience he has will only end in an awkward explanation.

“There. Happy?” He says snidely, crossing his arms childishly as Louise stands, nodding happily.

“Very. See you at lunch, Dan!” She trills as she steps out of his office.

Before the door closes, he calls out, “Text me what you want for lunch, we’re having Indian takeaway!”

She responds with an affirmative and shuts the door. As soon as he hears the click, he drops his head to his desk, feeling as if he’s went and gotten himself into a proper mess.

~~~

When twelve finally rolls around, Dan is filtering through a stack of paperwork on his desk for students who would be taking their GCSEs at the end of the year, double checking that each of them was scheduled in a testing area and had an assigned date for their exams. He’s so focused on his work that he doesn’t notice the door swing open, until he hears a voice.

“Whatcha doing?” Dan glances up at the sound of Louise’s voice, finding her smiling as she bustles in with a bottle of Diet Coke.

He smiles at her, gesturing to the papers. “Working on GCSE scheduling,” he glances over at his phone, checking the time. “Phil should be here in a few minutes, I reckon.”

Louise nods, sitting in one of the chairs across from him. “How’s the scheduling coming along?” She asks, leaning over the table to look at the paper he’s been writing on.

He moves it so she can see it too, running his pen along a column. “It’s fine, but I actually had a question about this. I know this is just the first draft that you guys had sorted, but would it not make more sense to move the few year tens that are taking it to an earlier period? There’s a few that have some of their electives during that time, and I don’t think they should miss them.”

The blonde slips into professional mode seamlessly, her eyebrows furrowing as she scans the paper. “Hm… I’m not sure, Dan, because if we do that, we’ll need to move-“

The door opens then, interrupting her sentence. They both glance up and a smile graces Dan’s lips easily at the sight of his best friend. Phil shoots them a sheepish look after realizing they’re talking about something. “Sorry, should’ve knocked.” He glances over at Dan, an embarrassed smile tugging at his lips as he walks over to Dan’s side of the desk, setting the food down.

“You’re fine, love, you don’t have to knock.” Dan smiles, not even realizing he’d used the endearment until it’d already slipped out. He doesn’t even consider feeling embarrassed about it though, not after the smile that graces Phil’s face.

“Hi, Louise,” Phil smiles and nods to the blonde before surprising Dan as he leans closer to him, bracing one hand on the desk as he presses his lips to Dan’s cheek softly. The younger man tries very hard to fight the annoying fluttery feeling in his chest at the contact, since he knows it’s only for show because Louise is there. It’s brief, but he can still feel the warmth of his lips even after he pulls away. “Sorry I’m a bit late, but the food is fresh and warm, that’s for sure.”

Louise has such a pleased smile on her face as she looks between them, Dan very nearly rolls his eyes. “You’re perfectly fine, Phil. Sit, sit, I haven’t seen you in so long, we have loads to talk about.” She pats the seat beside her and Dan sends her a pleading look, mentally begging her not to make this weird or uncomfortable. He had a sneaking suspicion she was going to get way too personal and he would much rather avoid that.

“You’re right, it has been a while! We’ve just been so busy with the fostering and everything, it’s-“ Phil stops almost immediately, his eyes widening as he shoots Dan a panicked look.

There’s a silence in the room where Dan contemplates jumping out the window to avoid Louise’s reaction, but then Phil would be on his own with her, and he couldn’t do that to him. So instead of that, he just sighs, sending Phil a smile that says It’s fine, before glancing over at Louise. She looks a mix of confused, excited, and angry, and he knows she’s feeling left out of the loop.

“Before you ask, Lou,” Dan starts, holding his hands up when the blonde looks at him. “I wasn’t hiding it or trying to be sneaky. I just didn’t want to tell anyone until we got further along in the process.” He glances over at Phil, who looks guilty. He sends him a reassuring smile, hoping that that’s enough for now.

“I… I’m just surprised, is all,” Louise admits finally.

Dan shifts in his chair, unsure of how he’s meant to take that. “Is that, like… an insult?” He asks tentatively, sharing a look with Phil.

“No, no, definitely not!” Louise rushes to say, holding her hands up as if to wave away the accusation. “I just… I’m surprised that you two are doing something so big so soon, before you’ve even married.” She doesn’t sound judgmental in the slightest, but still Dan feels a pang of hurt in his chest and looks down, chewing his lip anxiously.

Phil, always in tune with Dan’s every thought and emotion, speaks up then. “Well, we’ve been together ten years… does it matter that we aren’t married yet?” Dan’s eyes flit up to meet his, almost in panic, but Phil is just studying him carefully with a small smile on his lips. “I mean, marriage is essentially just a piece of paper, right?” He turns to look at Louise now, and Dan’s a little nervous for the direction this conversation seems to be taking. To distract himself, he begins pulling out the containers of food and sorting them out to who they belong to.

“Well, I mean, in some ways, yeah,” Louise says slowly, apparently not following exactly what Phil is saying. Dan’s heard the speech, or a variation of it, a million times, so he’s pretty sure he knows where it’s going. Phil was against marriage, denying that it held any real value. Dan didn’t disagree exactly, but… he wasn’t so sure he wanted to relive this conversation in front of his coworker and good friend, especially since they were still trying to keep up the appearances of an engaged couple.

Phil shifts in his seat, glancing over at Dan as he does, their gaze catching for only a moment before Dan looks down again. He didn’t want to look at him while he heard Phil tear apart the concept of marriage, he just couldn’t do it, not with the circumstances. He braces himself for what he knows is coming, because he definitely can’t just tell him to stop talking, not since he’s gotten this far.

Instead, Dan is surprised when he hears Phil say something else entirely.

“Well, think about it. Marriage is symbolic. It’s not going to make me love him more. I won’t wake up the morning after the wedding thinking, “wow, I love this human more than I did before. That’s ridiculous.” Phil shakes his head. Meanwhile, Dan is trying desperately not to show his inner turmoil over hearing Phil say that four letter word with such ease, in association with him. Sure, they’d said it to each other over the years; they were best friends, of course they loved each other, but it had been a while since it had been expressed so bluntly. The fact that the context was different in this situation also didn’t do his clenching heart any favors.

Louise seems dumbstruck, and Dan meets her gaze with an embarrassed sort of smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever considered it like that. That’s… quite a good point, actually.” She seems to have a strange sort of moment then, where she just sits back and looks over at Dan, an odd look on her face. Dan hands them each their food, hoping the conversation will change course now, but of course Louise has to go and say something else. “What made you decide to do it, if you think it’s just symbolic? What changed your mind?”

Phil glances up at her, a conflicted look on his face before he looks over at Dan. Dan’s stomach churns at the fond smile on Phil’s face when their gazes meet, unable to help himself from mirroring the expression. “Dan did.” His eyes are light and if Dan didn’t know any better, he would say that he was being absolutely honest, rather than lying through his teeth like Dan knew he was for the sake of keeping up their appearances.

Only able to handle so much cheesiness at once, Dan rolls his eyes, fondly. “That’s enough of that for today, I think.” It’s nearly impossible for him to will his blush away, but he thinks he manages it well enough. “How’s work been today?” He directs this question to Phil.

His blue eyes light up, and Dan has to repress a smile at how cute he looks so excited about his job. “It’s actually been great. I think we’ve got a few guests lined up for the new game segment we’re trying out for the next couple weeks. I’m really hoping that’s a success, since we’ve got Nick Jonas and Demi Lovato coming on to play in about two weeks. Oh, and we’ve been planning more for the project we’re working on this weekend.” Phil glances at Louise then, a sheepish look on his face as he seems to realize that he’s only speaking to Dan, not really explaining the things he’s doing in detail since Dan already knows so much about it. “Sorry, I get a little carried away about the radio show. If someone doesn’t stop me, I’ll talk for hours.”

Dan rolls his eyes, nodding. “I can attest to this.” Phil pouts at him, but then Dan finally processes something Phil had said. “Wait, this weekend? What’s this weekend?” His eyebrows knit together as he thinks back to their calendar, trying to remember if Phil had a trip coming up. He thought it wasn’t another two weeks until he was meant to have a work trip, so this must be something else.

Phi shoots him a curious look. “We’re filming that mini documentary this weekend. In Ireland,” he adds, as if that’ll help jog Dan’s memory. “Did you forget about that?” He doesn’t sound upset or annoyed, just curious, and Dan ducks his head and shrugs.

He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s a little sad that Phil wouldn’t be home, as he hadn’t prepared to be alone for an entire weekend. He’s vaguely aware of how pathetic that sounds, even in his own head, but he felt that he’d grown sort of reliant on the constant company, and it would just be strange to be alone for that long after so long of sharing their space all the time. He shrugs in response to Phil’s question, stabbing a piece of chicken with his fork. “No, I guess not.”

Louise pipes up then, a look of glee on her face. “Aww, poor thing, you’ll miss him, won’t you?” She says this so sweetly, and Dan can tell she’s just eating up this opportunity to tease him about his relationship. If only she knew the truth.

He rolls his eyes at her. “Obviously I’ll miss him, Lou.” He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of such a question. Even if they weren’t pretending to be in a relationship he’d miss him; Phil was his best friend.

“Dan’s clingy, isn’t he?” The blonde turns to Phil, a sly smile on her face.

Dan glares at her, crossing his arms. “I am not,” he protests, rolling his chair over to his mini fridge to get a drink. He only had one bottle of Coke, and he made a mental note to get more the next time he went to the grocery store.

Phil smirks at him, shrugging. “A bit, but not in a bad way,” he answers Louise’s question, causing Dan to send him a heated glare. “I’m the same way, Dan, and you know it.” Phil only rolls his eyes at the look on Dan’s face, not affected in the slightest.

“Whatever,” he mumbles, taking a sip of the drink before handing it to Phil. “You’re lucky I’m sharing this now, after that comment. It’s my last one.” He’s fully aware of how childish he sounds, but he feels it’s justified after Phil called him out like that.

“Thank you, love,” Phil says sweetly, his eyes dancing with amusement when their gazes meet. Dan almost takes the drink back then, just on principle, but he isn’t that cruel.

“You two are well adorable and all, but it’s a bit like watching two children fighting,” Louise observes, looking highly amused by this.

“Believe me, I know,” Dan sighs, dropping his chin onto his hand as he gets back to his food.

The rest of their lunch is spent talking and teasing, and Dan eases into their charade more than he thought he would. It’s honestly no different than normal, aside from a few added pet names here and there, which Dan doesn’t mind in the slightest. In fact, he’s quite enjoying it, fake as it is, because hearing those terms drop so easily from Phil’s lips is a little intoxicating to him.

Eventually, though, it ends, as Louise is called back to her office about fifteen minutes before their break ends, a disciplinary matter awaiting her. She insists that they meet for lunch more often, sending Phil a wink as she leaves them alone. Dan, drained from every aspect of that interaction, drops his head to his desk, sighing. He hears the chair in front of him shifting as Phil stands, followed by the sound of his footsteps drawing closer, sitting on the edge of the desk beside where Dan’s head was. Dan sighs again when he feels Phil’s hand drop to his hair, his hand raking through the curls in a comforting way.

“You okay, bear?” He asks softly. Dan’s heart clenches at this particular nickname, as he’d always had a soft spot for Phil calling him that. It’d been happening more recently, he’d noticed, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain about that.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, tilting his head to look up at Phil. “Just… Louise can be a lot.”

Phil smiles at this, nodding. “Yeah… But I think we did okay, yeah?”

Dan can only return the smile, nodding. He closes his eyes as Phil pets his hair for a few more moments, wishing more than anything that they were home. With a resigned sigh, he sits up, effectively causing Phil to remove his hand. “I guess you need to get back to work.” He hates the idea, but he’s comforted in the thought that he’ll get to see him later at home.

“Yeah.” He tilts his head, concern on his face. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look tired.”

Dan shrugs this off, clearing the food items off his desk. “I am tired,” he jokes, not missing the look Phil sends him. “I’m fine, promise. What time are you coming home?”

Phil sighs at the change in topic but answers him anyway. “The show’s over at four, so I’ll be home after that.”

“You don’t have to stay and work on anything else?” Dan asks timidly, unsure if he should even hope that he says no.

A smile tugs at Phil’s lips, and he doesn’t hide it very well at all. “Nope. I’ll be home as soon as I can be.” Then, surprising Dan for the second time in one hour, he leans in, kissing Dan’s forehead gently. “See you at home, Dan. Be careful driving, okay?” He waits for Dan’s nod of affirmation before he smiles and stands, carrying the trash from their lunch out with him as he goes.

“Thank you for lunch,” Dan calls before Phil gets to the door, propping his head up with his hand and sending Phil a tired smile when he looks back at him.

Phil just shakes his head, a fond look on his face. “I’ll see you later, Dan.”

Dan can only smile at this, watching as the door shuts. Only then does he let himself consider that today felt different, that _he_ felt different. He absolutely refused to acknowledge the little voice in his head that wanted to give him suggestions about why that might be, and instead dragged his paperwork back out, busying himself with important things, like his career.

There was no room for second guessing his relationship with his best friend in his life right now, especially not with everything that was currently staked on them successfully acting as if they were a happy couple. He absolutely wasn’t about to ruin that with any of these irritating thoughts about what he used to feel. Even if things did feel a little similar to that time now, he couldn’t simply put aside everything else about their life or their friendship to revisit feelings he may or may not have felt nearly ten years ago. That was ridiculous.

At least, that’s what he tells himself repeatedly the rest of the afternoon, as he struggles to focus on the rows of names on the sheets in front of him.

Needless to say, it was a long day.

~~~

Phil hadn’t been lying when he said his trip to Ireland was that weekend, and even after Dan double checked their shared calendar in the office, he still frowned, wondering how on earth he’d gotten the dates mixed up. He doesn’t ponder this too long, as their evenings are still filled with foster carer training, and on one evening that week, another home visit from Hazel, which goes just as well as the last. She informs them that they have a date for their panel meeting, and they’re both excited to see that the process is moving along so smoothly.

By the time Thursday rolls around and Phil is actually getting packed for his trip, Dan is pretty much exhausted. He’s by no means happy that his best friend will be gone for four days, but he’s slightly relieved that at least he can nap the majority of the day and catch up on various chores around the house without fear of judgement.

Thursday night they’re sat in their bedroom as Phil packs his things. Dan was sitting on the bed, watching Phil with a pout on his face as he collected his clothes and shoved them in the bag. Despite his typical habit to procrastinate to the last moment with his own packing, Dan is rather bossy as his best friend packs, reminding him constantly of things he might’ve forgotten.

“Do you have your charger?” He asks, holding onto his legs as he sits criss-cross at the end of the bed beside Phil’s bag, peering over into it with concern.

Phil rolls his eyes at him, nodding. “Yes.”

“And your passport?” Dan’s aware that he sounds a bit like a helicopter mum, but he hates the idea of Phil flying on his own and forgetting something, with Dan not there to help him. Sure, he’d flown alone plenty of times, but Dan still felt that he should be there with him.

“Dan. Relax. I’ve got everything, okay?” Phil tosses a couple pairs of socks into the bag, sending Dan a reassuring smile.

Dan shifts, feeling a bit defensive. “I just wanted to make sure,” he says, his voice unintentionally small.

Phil stops moving around then, seeming to pick up on Dan’s mood. He stops and kneels down in front of Dan, dropping his hands to the younger man’s knees. “I know you’re just concerned, and I appreciate that. But I’m fine, okay? I’ve got all my ducks in a row, I promise.” He smiles then, his blue eyes bright. Dan can tell how excited he is for this trip, and he hates himself for worrying so much, probably dampening Phil’s desire to go.

“Okay,” Dan mumbles, dropping his gaze down to his hands that are folded in his lap.

“Hey,” Phil says gently, drawing Dan’s eyes back to his own. He’s got a soft look on his face as he reaches up, tucking a curl back into place atop Dan’s head. “I’m not upset with you for trying to help. I’m glad you care that much.” His lips stretch into a smile at this, and Dan averts his eyes from his best friend’s lips immediately, meeting his gaze again.

He shrugs nonchalantly. “I’d prefer if you didn’t die or run out of clothes or get there and not have your- do you have your contacts?” He breaks his own train of thought to rifle through Phil’s bag. He’s surprised when he feels his hands being tugged gently away.

“Yes, I do. And you need to stop worrying. I’ll let you check my bag when I’m done packing to make sure I’ve got everything, but until then you’ve gotta quit worrying. Deal?” He offers, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

Dan considers it for a moment before shrugging, nodding. Phil smiles and stands again, moving around the room to finish collecting all his things. Dan sighs, laying back on the bed. There’s a thought bouncing around in his head, and he knows he doesn’t need to voice it, but he wants to say it so badly it feels like he’s suffocating with the weight of it.

Finally, he can’t stand it any longer. Without sitting up, he says, “Did you mean what you said about marriage earlier?”

Almost immediately, he regrets asking, but he needs to know. The room is silent for a moment, and he’s a little concerned that maybe Phil didn’t hear, but then he hears an awkward chuckle. “Which part?” He asks, sounding a little nervous.

Dan shrugs, considering this. “The part where you said that it was basically just a symbol because it didn’t change how much you love- someone.” He very pointedly does not use his own name in that narrative, because he knows that this thing between them isn’t real, and he doesn’t want to put words in Phil’s mouth.

Again, another silence. Dan props himself up on his elbows for this, looking over at Phil. The older man is stood by their closet, his eyes locked on some spot on the lower wall, chewing his lip. He looked deep in thought, but he answers without looking away from that spot. “Yeah. That’s what I’ve always thought, to an extent.”

Dan lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, laying back down. For some reason, that doesn’t sate his curiosity about the topic, and his brain supplies that maybe that wasn’t the part of the conversation earlier that he’d wanted clarification on. He pushes that thought far, far out of his mind immediately. “Oh,” he murmurs softly, unsure what else to say.

It’s quiet for a moment before Phil comes back over, dropping something else into his bag before he comes to stand just between Dan’s legs that are dangling off the bed. Dan glances up at him at the contact, very pointedly not thinking about the fact that he’s laid down, stretched out on the bed, with Phil standing over him like this. He very carefully keeps his gaze on Phil’s face and his thoughts on things like Slenderman and dead puppies, because god knows he hasn’t had time to release any sort of tension recently, so this position could very easily become a problem.

“Why do you ask?” Phil inquires, staring down at Dan with a strange look on his face. Dan shrugs, letting his eyes trail up to Phil’s quiff and then up to the ceiling.

“No reason, I guess. I just thought it was interesting, since I’ve heard you rant about how stupid marriage is for years.” He keeps his voice neutral, and it wasn’t as if he was lying. He did think it was interesting for that reason, but he also knew that the question he’d wanted to ask wasn’t something he had any right asking.

“Oh.” Phil sounds a little disbelieving, but luckily, he doesn’t press. Instead, he just taps Dan’s thigh. “C’mere.”

Dan glances up, a little surprised to see Phil holding his hands out. Dan obliges almost immediately. He felt that he definitely deserved a hug for today, and especially since Phil would be gone for four days. He sits up and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, burying his face in his chest. They were both tall, so it wasn’t very often that Dan got to feel so short and comforted in his grip, so he reveled in the feeling of Phil wrapping his arms around Dan’s shoulders, leaning down so his cheek is resting atop Dan’s head.

Breathing deeply, Dan decides he’s allowed one more selfish comment for today. “I’ll miss you.”

Phil’s arms tighten around him, and he closes his eyes when he feels his chest rumble with a laugh. “I’ll miss you too, bear.”

It’s hard to tell how long they sit there, but Dan eventually feels a lump building in his throat, and he knows it’ll only be a few minutes before he’s a mess if he doesn’t stop this now. He leans away, gesturing to Phil’s bag. “Get to it, mate, I’m ready to go to sleep.”

The joking tone seems to lighten the mood, and Phil laughs loudly, ruffling Dan’s hair as he steps away. “Yes, your majesty.”

Dan smiles at this, laying down on his side to watch Phil move around. It’s not long before he’s done, and after Dan checks through the bag and reminds him to get his toiletries in the morning, he’s satisfied with Phil’s packing and more than ready for sleep. He curls up under the duvet and waits for Phil to turn off the lights and join him. As soon as they’re both in the bed, Dan reaches out and pokes his best friend’s chest.

“Be safe tomorrow, okay? I know you’ll probably wake me up with your elephant feet in the morning, but I want to say it now anyway.” He brushes Phil’s hair back, lingering for a moment before pulling his hand back to his chest.

“I’m not even that loud,” Phil complains, his eyes rolling.

Dan shakes his head, smirking. “You are, but that isn’t point.” He shifts slightly closer, his expression morphing into a more serious one. Even if it was a short flight, he still worried. “I want you to text me when you get to the airport, if you don’t mind. And when you land, so I know you’re safe.”

Phil smiles, leaning across the few inches separating them to press a kiss to Dan’s forehead. Dan’s grateful for the darkness, probably hiding the blush he feels creeping onto his cheeks. “I will, Dan,” he says softly.

His chest suddenly feeling a little tight, Dan only nods, rolling over onto his stomach, not so subtly getting closer to Phil as he does it. He closes his eyes, although he knows that he probably won’t sleep until he’s replayed that sweet forehead kiss about three hundred times, committing it to memory. “Night, Phil,” he whispers into the pillow.

He feels the gentle pressure of Phil resting his hand on Dan’s lower back, stroking gently before his reply comes. “Goodnight, Dan.”

~~~

When Dan wakes up, it’s to an empty bed, and empty bedroom. He tries not to let that bother him, instead thinking positively about the fact that he got some extra sleep in. He grabs his phone to turn off his alarm, smiling when he realizes he’s got some messages. One is from his mum, and the others are from Phil.

**_Phil: I just left the flat and didn’t wake u up so suck it Howell_ **

**_Phil: I’m at the airport now and I’m not the last crew person here thank god that would be awkward_ **

**_Phil: I hope these aren’t going to wake you up, but since it’s been a bit and you still haven’t answered I’m gonna assume they haven’t_ **

**_Phil: getting on the plane perfectly safe text you when I land x_ **

That was the last message, and Dan maybe lingers too long on the little “x” at the end. Just maybe.

He showers and dresses for work quickly, counting the time around when Phil last texted him to figure out when he would land. If his math was right, it would probably be shortly after he got to the school. He messages him back just to show that he’d read his last messages, and to assure him that he hadn’t been woken up.

**_Dan: didn’t wake me don’t worry. am glad ur safe on the plane and didn’t die yet_ **

He knows Phil well enough to know that he’ll find the humor in that, where some people might think he’s being insensitive and indifferent. In reality they both knew that Dan worried a lot about flying alone, whether it was him or, in this case, Phil. He just masked his concern with jokes, since that seemed to work much better for him.

The drive to the school goes by in a blur as he’s got his mind on other things, and he drops his things off in his office quickly before venturing out to the staff lounge to get some coffee. He was earlier than usual, probably due to the lack of distraction this morning. Phil not being there maybe had a positive side after all.

He’s just gotten back into his office when there’s a knock on his door. “Come in,” he calls, setting his mug down and moving to open the curtains. He glances to the door when he hears it open, pleasantly surprised to see Charlotte. “Charlotte! How are you doing?” The girl smiles timidly before pointing to one of the chairs. He nods, gesturing for her to sit as he does the same. “Everything okay?” he asks when she doesn’t speak.

She fidgets for a moment before she finally brings her gaze up to meet his. “They terminated our parents’ rights yesterday,” she says, so quietly that he almost thinks he hasn’t heard her properly.

After a moment of speechlessness, he finds his words somehow. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you, Charlotte,” he whispers, his voice full of hurt. His heart ached for this child, and he’s suddenly thrown back four months ago, when this child had sat in his office telling him exactly what was going on at home. She didn’t realize how much her decision to tell him affected not only her life, but his as well.

The girl only nods, tucking her hair back behind her ear. “I only wanted to tell you since… you know, you helped us out. Thank you, by the way.” She briefly meets his eyes before dropping her gaze back to her hands once more. “It sucks and everything, but we’re so much safer than we were. And that’s because of you.”

He can’t help it when he stands and offers her a hug. She stands quickly, and he gathers her up in his arms, holding her tightly. There were rules and regulations about student-teacher contact, but this child had been through so much, and she needed a hug. “I’m so sorry this happened, Charlotte, but I’m glad I could help in some way.” He hesitates for a moment before pulling away, holding her at arm’s length. “You know, because of you, my fiancé and I decided to start fostering.”

She looks surprised, and he’s not sure if it’s because he’d just mentioned having a fiancé or if it’s because of his admission to fostering because of what he’d seen with her situation. “Really?” She asks, her eyes lighting up.

Dan nods, moving to sit back in his chair. “Yes. I’ve wanted to do it for years, but after that day… Well, that really gave me the push I needed to do it.”

Charlotte sits back down carefully, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I think that’s great, Mr. Howell. And I think you’ll make a great parent.” She smiles before blushing, nodding to the filing cabinet in the corner. His gaze wanders over to it, and he notices what she’s looking at. “Is that your fiancé?” She asks timidly, referencing the picture of him and Phil on their trip to Japan.

He nods, his heart swelling with something he thinks is pride. “It is.” He smiles, looking at the picture for a long moment before turning back to her.

She smiles back, nodding. “You look good together,” she compliments before going to stand. “I should get to first period, but I just wanted to come by and let you know what happened and say thanks.” She grabs her backpack and is on her way out the door as she speaks.

“Thank you for telling me. Stop by anytime you need me, Charlotte.” He watches the door close, his smile slowly slipping into a small frown. Of course, he loved seeing the children he worked with, and he was glad she felt comfortable coming to speak to him, but seeing her had been a reminder, like a splash of cold water to the face.

Regardless of whatever he thought his feelings could be concerning Phil, this whole act had a purpose. A purpose that was bigger than both of them. It was entirely based on the idea that they do something to help these kids who didn’t have anyone else. There wasn’t any time or place for him to feel the sort of things he thought he’d been feeling lately, and this had just been a good reminder of why. He vows to keep himself in check from now on, but when his phone dings with a new text, he already feels his heart change pace.

He’s beginning to think that he’s totally fucked.

~~~

“Tilt your screen down, you spoon, I can barely see you.” Dan is laughing as he gives the instructions, but he honestly just wishes Phil would fix the damn laptop, so he could see his face better. They were Skyping, and while he felt codependency was written across his forehead, he really didn’t regret it; he missed Phil already, and this was just so nostalgic for them, as their friendship had started online all those years ago. There’d been many late-night skype calls back in those days, and he was honestly a little excited for the nostalgia of it.

Phil does as he’s instructed, tilting the screen until Dan can clearly see his face. “Better?” He asks brightly, grinning with his tongue caught between his teeth.

Dan nods into his own little laptop camera, smiling. “Yes.” His eyes take in what he can see of Phil’s hotel room from this angle, and he raises an eyebrow. “I like your hotel room. The BBC is doing a nice job putting you guys up.”

Rolling his blue eyes, Phil shifts to lie down on his side, adjusting the laptop as he goes. “Thanks. I booked the rooms for this trip.” He rolls his eyes again, showing his distaste for the task. “This one isn’t terrible, but the room service isn’t great.” He frowns at this, and Dan watches him glance up at something Dan can’t see. His heart squeezes a little at how tired Phil looks all of a sudden.

“Well, why aren’t you just out to dinner with everyone else? I’m sure no one else is hanging out in their room alone.” He means this to be teasing and light, but he doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses Phil’s face as he frowns.

“Because I wanted to talk to you,” he says almost immediately, the honesty in his voice sends Dan spiraling into his own mind; what if, what if, what if.

He has paused for too long. Phil’s frown reappears, deeper-creased. Say something, Dan. He has to say something. “You could’ve texted or something. You know, if you’d wanted to go out.” Guilt courses through him at the idea that he’s holding Phil back, and he hates that feeling so much.

Phil shakes his head, moving his laptop away from him a bit. “I wanted to see you, too,” he says softly.

Every feeling Dan has ever had is shoved under a magnifying glass, a hundred, no a thousand times bigger and warmer than before. But he’s playing it cool. “Yeah?” What if, what if, what if, WHAT IF- “I wanted to see you too.”

There’s a silence when they just look at each other for a moment, and Dan feels so comfortable that he’s actually surprised. He would’ve thought that surely after all these years it would feel weird skyping, after so many years practically attached to the hip, but it actually didn’t feel much different than it used to. He’s annoyingly reminded of the similarities as his heart swells when Phil begins talking about his day. Just like old times.

They talk for less than an hour, but Phil’s eyes keep drifting to a certain point and he keeps snapping his head back to the camera, and even if Dan doesn’t have to work in the morning, Phil does. “Okay, go to sleep, granddad. You clearly can’t stay up past your bedtime,” Dan jokes, wishing more than anything that he was there with him. He shakes his head to clear that thought immediately.

Phil yawns then, only adding to Dan’s point. “I swear I wanted to stay awake longer,” he smiles blearily. “But I’m not going to lie, I’m exhausted.”

Dan nods, trying not to laugh at him. “I know, I can tell. It’s fine. Just text me tomorrow and let me know you’re okay. If you’re not exhausted when you get back to the hotel I’ll call, okay?”

The older man smiles warmly at this, propping his head up on his arm as he gazes into the camera, and Dan feels that gaze is looking right into his soul. “I can’t wait.” He pauses for a second before shifting, glancing away before his eyes flicker back. “I wish I was home,” he admits carefully.

Dan feels his heart jump into his throat, and he nods sharply. “Me too,” he breathes, hoping to God that he doesn’t do something ridiculous like cry. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Phil. Get some sleep.”

“Okay. Night, Dan.” Phil’s eyes are already closed, but Dan is positive he’s not actually asleep yet.

“Night,” he breathes. He ends the call, wishing more than anything in the world that he didn’t feel the cold in his chest that he currently felt.

~~~

The weekend goes by in a blur of cleaning, a trip to the grocery store, and a handful of calls and texts with Phil. Dan was surprisingly productive with all his free alone time, and the flat honestly looked great when he was finished. He also took the liberty of buying some simple sheets for the twin bed in the spare bedroom, spending probably an hour making the bed and tidying up the relatively empty room. Ever since Hazel had told them the date for their panel meeting that would determine their approval for fostering, he was giddy and nervous. Cleaning the spare room just helped calm his nerves slightly, but he wasn’t positive how much it was helping.

Monday is slow at work, but he’s counting down the hours before he gets home. Phil’s flight wasn’t landing until nearly midnight, so he’d likely be asleep before he got in, but he was more than relieved that he was finally going to be home. Not that he’d been that pathetically alone; he just liked having company and it was strange to go from having his best friend around all the time to only having a few texts or a call.

When he gets home, Dan tries to stay awake and wait for Phil to come home, but he’s exhausted, so he’s asleep before ten. It’s a restless sleep, though, as if even in sleep his body knows he’s anticipating something and can’t properly rest. So, he’s not really surprised that he wakes up easily enough when he feels the mattress dip with the weight of another person.

He rolls over, his eyes bleary as he opens them, blinking a few times to see properly. Phil is there, putting his glasses on the nightstand with his engagement band and plugging his phone up. He probably doesn’t even realize Dan’s awake, but when he turns back around to settle into bed, his eyes immediately meet the brunet’s.

“Hi,” he breathes, his blue eyes dull with exhaustion, even as his lips curl up into a smile.

Dan doesn’t even think before scooting closer, pressing his face to Phil’s chest and wrapping an arm around him. “Hi,” he whispers back, snuggling into his side. He smiles as he feels Phil return his embrace, one of his hands stroking down Dan’s back while the other tangles in his hair.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” Phil says softly. Dan tries to ignore the way he feels Phil’s lips press into his hair.

He shakes his head a little. “I’m not.” Something about saying it into the darkness seems a little less scary, a little less real. As if the darkness masks any meaning he may have behind the words.

“Me too,” Phil murmurs, shifting so that he’s lying on his back rather than his side, allowing Dan to properly rest his head on Phil’s chest. The hand in Dan’s hair doesn’t stop petting gently, and with the silence that falls over the room, it’s all too easy for Dan to fall asleep, content in Phil’s arms.

~~~

The next few weeks after Phil’s trip passes in a sort of blur, with Dan’s twenty-eighth birthday passing by quietly due to all the focus being on the foster situation. Phil offers to cook and invite some friends over, but ultimately Dan decides he just wants a quiet night in. It’s just a birthday, and he’ll have another in a year, and they can do something more exciting then.

Just a couple weeks after his birthday, they find themselves back at Hazel’s office for the panel meeting. To say that Dan was a nervous wreck would be an absolute understatement. He’s shaking so much that Phil insists on ordering them a cab rather than trying to drive. The whole ride there, he’s got the older man’s hand clutched in his in a death grip.

“Dan, please relax,” Phil says gently, his purple thumb stroking the back of Dan’s hand gently. “Everything’s going to be fine, just take a deep breath. Everything is fine.”

Dan tries to do this, he really does, but he finds it ridiculously hard to relax. “I need a distraction. God, I can’t do this,” he bursts, a wave of panic washing over him. His palms are sweating and he could swear his heart is breaking his ribs. This was the most important part of the fostering process, and if they couldn’t get approved, then this was all for nothing. Living together, getting so close, the whole fake relationship was a waste of time, and Dan’s sanity.

“Dan. Stop. Look at me.” Phil’s voice is firm, and Dan looks to him with wide eyes, frantic. Phil brings his hand up to cup the back of Dan’s head, his fingers brushing through the curls there gently. Dan swallows hard, the closeness and intensity of Phil’s gaze making him nervous in a new way. “It’s okay. Everything that’s happening right now, it’s all okay. We’re going to be at Hazel’s office and she’s going to take us to a room where there are people who are going to help us, okay? They’re not the enemy, you need to remember that. They’re doing their job to make sure that the best people are the people who get to foster, alright?” His words are quick and quiet, and Dan can only nod.

“What if we aren’t those people?” He breathes, finally daring to let his fear out in the open.

Before he even has time to process it, Phil’s pulling him closer, and Dan’s heart rate spikes. He only pulls Dan against him, allowing the younger man to rest his head on his shoulder, his face pressed against Phil’s long neck.

“You can’t think that, bear. You heard Hazel. She thinks we’re fantastic candidates. Do you honestly think she’d let us get our hopes up if she thought that we wouldn’t get approved?” Dan shakes his head slowly, and Phil presses a chaste kiss to his hair. “Exactly. She wouldn’t do that. So, this is all going to be fine. Just take a deep breath.”

For the rest of the ride, Dan does exactly that. He breathes slowly, feeling his nerves slowly calm down as Phil continues running a hand through his hair, soothing him with the motions. Dan even feels a bit silly when he feels a tear creep down his cheek, and he brushes it aside with a shaky laugh. When they pull up to the building, Phil pays the driver and tugs Dan’s hand to get him out of the car. They walk in with their hands intertwined, and the contact is incredibly grounding for Dan.

Hazel meets them at the front desk, a bright smile on her face. “Wonderful, you’re here! Shall we go then?”

Phil gazes at Dan, squeezing his hand reassuringly before nodding to Hazel. “We’re ready.”

And as they follow Hazel back to a room where the fate of their foster carer status will be decided, Dan isn’t sure that he’s ever been ready for this at all.

\---

Five days.

It takes five painstakingly long days after the panel meeting for Dan to get the call.

Five days of anxiously chewing his lips to the point of bleeding, prompting Phil to have an intervention. He buys Dan several packs of gum and keeps an eye on him, ensuring that he’s chewing on that instead of destroying the skin on his lips even more.

Five days of pacing the flat every evening after work, worries flooding his mind, often late into the night. The third night of this, Phil gets up, finally tired of the noise, and drags Dan back to bed, spooning him the minute they’re back under the duvet. Dan’s certain that Phil’s tight grip on him is only to ensure he won’t get up and start pacing again, but he blushes furiously as Phil drifts off to sleep, his grip loosening around Dan’s waist.

When his phone finally rings on Monday evening, he’s almost frozen by the sound, staring at his phone as if it’s going to catch flames.

“Are you going to answer it?” Phil asks gently from his spot beside Dan. They were sitting on the couch, trying to watch an anime, although Dan had been lost since they started watching, his thoughts too messy to focus on the show.

He shakes his head emphatically, his eyes pleading when he looks to Phil. The older man takes the initiative immediately, sliding his thumb across the screen before putting it on speaker. “Hello?”

A woman’s voice answers, and she doesn’t sound like she’s preparing to deliver bad news, which Dan takes as a good sign. “Is this Mr. Howell or Mr. Lester?” She asks.

“Yes, this is Mr. Lester,” Phil responds, glancing over at Dan. He frowns, lifting his hand up and gripping Dan’s chin softly, his thumb brushing over his lips. Dan hadn’t realized it when he drew his bottom lip into his mouth, but now that Phil was pressing the pad of his thumb against them, he quickly released it from his teeth, smiling sheepishly. Phil drops his hand, leaving it resting on Dan’s knee.

“Great! This is Maria, from Bridging the Gap Fostering. I’m calling about the panel decision.” Her words bring a new wave of nerves to Dan, and he doesn’t even think before he reaches for Phil’s hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing hard.

Phil mirrors the gesture, staring at Dan as he responds. “Right. What’s the decision?”

Dan feels like he’s in one of those terrible dramatic movies where there’s the long, dramatic pause before news is delivered, and his stomach is twisting. He has no clue why this lady seems to take so long to respond, but maybe he’s only being dramatic because he’s so nervous for the answer. Either way, he waits, holding his breath, for her response.

“Well, the board was very impressed with your application,” she begins. Phil squeezes his hand harder then, a smile tugging at his lips. “And I’m very pleased to tell you that you’ve been approved. There will be a foster carer agreement sent to the address you’ve given us, and after that…” She continues speaking, but Dan isn’t listening anymore.

The words “you’ve been approved” are bouncing around in his head, and he can barely contain his relief and excitement. It takes every ounce of his willpower not to immediately pounce on Phil for a hug, but the older man is actually listening to her words, which is probably good, since it’s probably very important.

“Yes. Alright. We will. Thank you so much. Goodbye.” Phil’s got a grin on his face as he hangs up and places the phone on the coffee table.

They exchange a look, and before Dan can even think better of it, he’s scrambling over to Phil, throwing his arms around him. “We got approved!” He shouts, likely blowing Phil’s ears off due to their proximity.

“We got approved,” Phil cackles, tightening his arms around Dan.

“Oh my god.” Dan sits back after a second, his cheeks a little warm when Phil smiles fondly at him. “I… I can’t believe we got approved. We got approved. We actually got approved.”

“I know, Dan, I was here!” Phil laughs, shoving Dan’s knee gently.

They’re both just sat there smiling like idiots for a moment before Dan shakes his head, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He was so relieved it was as if he was coming down from some adrenaline high. “We’re going to do it, Phil. We’re actually going to get to be foster parents.”

He feels Phil bump his shoulder and turns to see Phil’s grin, his tongue between his teeth in that endearing way that he has. “We certainly are. Domino’s to celebrate?” He’s got his laptop already open, and Dan can’t help the grin that works its way onto his face. He was so happy, so relieved, that they were actually going to do this.

“Domino’s!” he cheers, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder as he watches him order.

And for the first time in a long time, everything feels blissfully uncomplicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you so much for reading!! I realized I haven't said it every time but endless thanks to blue for editing this story would be nowhere without you <3


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil finally get a placement.

It’s a few days before the beginning of summer break when Dan gets a call from the fostering agency. He was at work, cleaning out his filing cabinet and trying to clean up his office a bit, as he typically did at the end of every school year. He’d found a long time ago that he was generally more productive when he was listening to music, so he was listening to Troye Sivan’s latest album, humming along as he went.

In the middle of the chorus to “The Good Side”, his raucous humming was interrupted by a sound that was definitely not the soothing tones of Troye’s voice. He glances over at his desk to find his phone vibrating loudly against the wood, Hazel’s name flashing across the top.

Naturally, seeing that name, he dives for the phone, knocking a cup of pencils over in the process of answering it. “Daniel Howell,” he answers, cringing at how formal he sounds as he moves to sit down. He knew Hazel, why on earth had he felt it was necessary to say it that way?

“Hi, Dan!” Hazel’s cheery voice reaches his ear, and belatedly, he realizes the music is still coming from his computer. He turns down the volume while he listens to her speak, his mind already racing as he tries to conjure up reasons for her call. “So, I’ve got some exciting news for you,” she announces, clearly excited.

Dan is almost bouncing in his seat, hoping beyond anything that she’s got the sort of news he wants right now. “Yeah?” He attempts to be nonchalant, but he’s pretty sure that doesn’t land.

“Yes, is Phil there with you?” She inquires, the sound of some papers shuffling together filling the line for a moment.

“He’s not, no, we’re both at work. Is this… Does he need to be here for this announcement?” He chews on his bottom lip, his fingers tapping on the desk incessantly as he waits for her answer.

“Well, no, he doesn’t have to be, but sometimes couples like to be together when they’re informed of their first placement.” She pauses then, clearly to allow him a moment to process.

He drops his phone. He kneels on the floor and puts his face close to the receiver. “Sorry, I dropped my- we’re going to have a placement?” He blurts, unable to wrap his head around it.

Hazel laughs, and Dan can’t help but smile as well. “Yes, if you two are ready. There’s a set of twins who were removed from their home a couple months ago and they’ve been in temporary foster care since then. We’re looking for a more permanent placement, and I thought this would be perfect for you and Phil.”

Dan’s heart starts racing at this, and he almost feels light headed. He had been wanting to be a foster parent for so long, and to hear these words now was just incredibly gratifying for him. He could hardly wrap his head around the idea that this was really happening, they were really going to be foster parents. “Of course, we’ve been so excited to hear back from you. We couldn’t be readier, Hazel,” he says truthfully. As much as he was nervous, he really did feel that they were as ready as they could be for this.

“Great! Well, we want them to finish up the summer term at the school they’re currently at, so we won’t be dropping them off until next week.” Hazel continues, and Dan’s not certain, but he thinks he’s been put on speaker, because her voice sounds further away.

“Right, of course. Well that’ll give us plenty of time to fix up the other bedroom. You said they were twins?” He’s nervously tapping his foot as he waits for her response. Not that he didn’t want to foster more than one child at once, but he was admittedly a little bit nervous about fostering twins. He’d heard that it’s pretty hard to raise twins, and he’s silently hoping they aren’t teenagers; he wasn’t sure they were quite ready for that.

“They are, they’re fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. I’m emailing you their information, so you and Phil can look that over and sort of get to know a bit about them before we drop them off. We’ll be by next Tuesday to get them settled in, so just call me if you have any questions before then.”

Dan’s head is swirling with the new information, but he registers her words enough to respond. “Alright, I will. Thank you so much, Hazel.”

She sounds amused when she responds. “You two are going to do such a great job. These kids are going to be lucky to be in your life.”

Embarrassingly enough, this just about makes Dan tear up, so he quickly bids her goodbye before hanging up. He takes a moment to process the conversation he’s just had, but his only coherent thought is that he needs to call Phil immediately. Wasting no more time, he quickly pulls up his contact list and clicks on his best friend’s name, patiently waiting for him to pick up.

He glances at the clock and realizes that Phil might be in the middle of a show, although he desperately hopes that’s not the case, as he’d feel kind of horrible for calling him out of that.

Luckily, after a couple rings, the call connects. “Hey, Dan,” a voice that is definitely not Phil’s says casually.

It takes Dan a second to recognize the voice as PJ, but as soon as he does, he groans. “Hi, Peej. Can you give the phone to Phil? I’ve got something I need to talk to him about.”

“Oh, sounds serious. Are you two having a fight?” PJ drawls, clearly with no intention of giving the phone back. Surprising Dan even more is the lack of Phil’s voice in the background, begging to be given his phone back.

“No, of course we aren’t fighting,” he rolls his eyes. People needed to mind their own business. And by people, he meant PJ. “Or if we are, I don’t know it. Just give him the phone, please.”

PJ hums, seeming to consider it. “I do like _please_ ,” he muses. After a second, he sighs. “Sure, here’s your lovely fiancé, at your service. It’s been lovely chatting, Dan.”

Dan can only mutter back a simple, “You too,” before the phone is being shuffled around, probably changing hands.

“Hi,” Phil’s voice says quietly. Dan’s not sure what to make of this, but he figures he’d try to prepare him for what he’s about to say.

“Are you busy?” He asks. In hindsight, he probably could’ve asked this before calling.

Phil, apparently on the same page that Dan’s currently on, sighs. “You could’ve texted and asked me that before you called, Dan.”

Guilt slowly begins creeping in then, and Dan can’t help but apologize. “I’m sorry, I know. But this is one of those things that needed a phone call.”

He barely hears it as Phil sighs again, but he’s almost positive he does. “Well, I’m not on air this time, but try to text first next time, yeah?” He sounds annoyed, and this brings Dan to pause.

He doesn’t want to make this about him, and he definitely doesn’t want them to start fighting while they’re both at work, but he can’t help being a little offended at Phil’s attitude. “But... this is important.”

There’s palpable irritation in the way that Phil replies, too quickly, “Well, what is it?”

Dan takes a deep breath, trying to reign in his sudden burst of annoyance. Just because Phil sounded a little more annoyed with him than usual didn’t mean he was mad at him. And it was no reason to not be excited about what he’d called for in the first place. “Hazel called,” he says slowly, glancing up at his computer screen as he remembers she’s supposed to be emailing him the information for the foster kids.

This gets Phil’s attention. “She did? What did she say?” He sounds more like himself when he says this, and Dan smiles.

“We have a placement.” He doesn’t beat around the bush, because he knows how it had felt to hear the news from Hazel herself, and it was a rush of nerves to wait and see what exactly her announcement was, he didn’t want to put Phil through that as well.

The line is quiet for a moment before Phil responds. “Seriously?” He breathes.

Dan grins even though his best friend can’t currently see him. “Yes, seriously. It’s a set of twins. I don’t really know much else about them other than they’re fraternal, a girl and a boy. She’s sending me an email with their information, but I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Wow,” Phil says slowly. “Twins? We’re starting off with twins?”

“Yeah.” Dan swallows nervously. “But we can do it, Phil. I really think we can do it.”

There’s a pause then before Phil speaks again. “Yeah,” he says softly. He goes to say something else then, but before he has the chance to, there’s a bit of commotion on the other end, and Dan’s almost positive he hears Phil swear under his breath. “Can I call you back later?” He says abruptly, the same annoyed tone from earlier back in his voice.

Dan frowns, confused. “Um, sure? Yeah, that’s fine.” He licks his lips then, pondering over whether or not he should ask about what’s going on. His curiosity gets the best of him then, and he can’t help but blurt out, “Phil, did something happen?”

He can hear a couple other voices, and then the sound of Phil asking someone to leave. Dan finds himself twisting the engagement band around his finger nervously, wondering if this has anything to do with him. “No, I just need to get back to work.” Phil says, voice flat, tight.

“Oh,” Dan says lamely. But his mind is racing, already filling with possibilities for why Phil seems so disinterested in his announcement. Had he changed his mind? Was the idea of raising twins with Dan just too much and he’d decided not to do it after all? Dan felt he was going to be sick with all the fears swimming in his head. “Okay… See you at home?”

“Yeah,” Phil’s voice softens a little bit then. “I’m really excited, Dan. I just… can’t talk right now. But we’ll talk when I get home, okay?” He sounds like he actually does feel a little guilty for ending their call so soon, but Dan’s not so sure that he really does.

“Okay-” The line clicks, dead. “Bye.” He’s left to just stare at his phone, beyond confused by whatever it was that had just happened.

~~~

If he had thought he was confused when the call ended, it’s nothing compared to how confused he feels when Phil gets home that evening, clearly pissed off, if his heavy footsteps and the way he throws his keys onto the table are any indication. Dan, who had been standing by the stove stirring a pot of rice, looks up at him with confusion written across his face. “Well hello to you, too, then,” he mutters, intending for it to come across light and joking.

He’s not prepared for the glare Phil sends him, and he very nearly stumbles back just from the look on his face. “Could you not have picked literally any other time to call me?” He demands, his voice full of irritation.

Dan furrows his eyebrows, dropping the spoon to fully turn and properly look at Phil. “What, earlier?” He asks, his eyebrows jumping up in surprise when Phil nods. “When? Before I had even found out about it? Or after, when I had been sitting on it for hours?” He’s beginning to get a little mad, with Phil acting like a complete dick about something he thought they’d both be happy about.

“Obviously not.” Phil rolls his eyes as if this is the dumbest thing Dan could have suggested. “But you could’ve given me some warning, and told me what it was about, so I could go somewhere private to have that conversation with you.” He’s practically seething at this point, stomping around the table to fetch a glass out of the cupboard.

Turning back to lower the temperature on the rice and stir it a bit more, Dan huffs. “Well, excuse me for being excited about this thing we’ve been working on for the past five months. I guess I’ll just let it be a fucking surprise when the kids come home,” he snaps, refusing to look over at Phil, even as he sees him turn around to look at him.

“Don’t even make this about that-“ he begins, stepping closer.

Dan’s heard enough at this point, his heart aching. “That’s literally what this is about! That’s all I called you for, was to tell you about the placement. I asked if you were busy. You could have told me you were, and I would have called back later.”

“You should have texted first,” Phil interrupts, crossing his arms.

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “Whatever, next time I’ll fucking text first. But it would be really fucking great if for once you could just let go of whatever shit you have against your coworkers knowing about your personal life and just be happy about what I called you for in the first place.” He turns on his heel when his voice cracks, and steps further from Phil, trying very, very hard not to cry

It’s silent in the kitchen for a long moment, and Dan starts to wonder if Phil is just going to give him the silent treatment. It would honestly suck if he did, because Dan knew he was stubborn and would likely be pretty unwilling to break the silence first. Which would be one hell of a bad way of starting off their first placement as foster parents, if it were to last until then.

Dan’s surprised when instead he hears Phil stepping closer before he feels a hand coming to press gently on the small of his back. He tries to stay still and not do something ridiculous like shiver, but he can’t do anything to control the warmth he feels rushing to his cheeks. He draws his bottom lip between his teeth when he feels Phil’s thumb drawing little circles over his t-shirt, paying very close attention to the pot of rice rather than focus on anything that Phil is doing.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says softly, surprising Dan with the sincerity in his voice. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Dan just shrugs, trying hard to keep his face as passive as possible. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s pretty much over it already; but that wasn’t going to stop him from still feeling hurt, and a little annoyed. After a moment, in which Dan makes it very clear that he isn’t going to speak, Phil sighs before gently pulling the spoon out of his hand and setting it down, tugging on his arm so he has no choice but to look at Phil.

“Dan, I really am sorry. I was upset because PJ and Chris were in the room with me when you called, and then they heard what I was saying, and they didn’t shut up about it the whole afternoon, and just-“ Phil looks as if he’s pleading for Dan to understand why he was mad, and while he figured it was something along those lines, he’s still irritated that he had been on the receiving end of Phil’s anger.

“And that’s not my problem,” he interrupts, stepping away from Phil so his hand falls away from where it had moved to rest on his hip. A brief flash of hurt crosses Phil’s face before he covers it with something akin to pleading. “I didn’t mean to out you or whatever at work, but it’s not my fault that you make this separation between your home life and your work life.”

Phil looks a little shocked by this, and he opens his mouth to speak, no sound coming out. He looks a little lost for a moment, and he’s clearly struggling to formulate a response to that. Dan hates himself for it, but in a way he’s glad that he’s gotten the upper hand for once. Checkmate.

“Furthermore,” Dan continues, pointing at Phil. “You’d have to tell them eventually anyway, because what the hell are you going to do if something comes up with the kids we’re fostering and you have to leave work?” He sees the panic on Phil’s face, and though he’s not entirely sure which aspect of that scenario freaked him out, it does garner some sympathy. He steps closer again, but only to turn the hob off and set the pan to the side. “I’m not saying any of this to, like, be a dick. I’m just saying it because you need to look at it from my perspective. Pretend or not, we’re kind of a family now, okay? And I’d really appreciate it if you could act like that matters to you.”

Phil is quiet as he watches Dan cover the rice with a lid, suddenly losing his appetite after this conversation. He glances over at Phil again, finding him staring back at him already, his expression thoughtful. Without saying another word, Dan steps past him, their shoulders barely brushing as he goes to their bedroom. They clearly needed some distance for a bit, and after that argument, he was pretty sure he needed some space to have a bit of a meltdown.

He closes the door to the bedroom after walking in, a silent signal that he just doesn’t want to talk, but he doubts very seriously that Phil will actually listen to this. It wasn’t that he was totally inconsiderate, but sometimes he didn’t quite get the hint when it came to personal space.

Proving his thoughts to be correct, it’s only about twenty minutes later when the door opens slowly. Dan, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, slowly looks to the side, raising his eyebrow at his best friend. Phil looks sheepish as he steps into the room, gesturing to the bed in question. Dan nods, moving his arm so Phil can sit next to him. He’d only expected him to sit, so he’s a little surprised when he lays down, mirroring Dan’s position.

They sit in a heavy silence for several moments, and Dan studies a spot on the ceiling, trying to decide if it’s just dust or a spider. He’s ignoring the fact that Phil is looking at him, trying very hard to instead keep his thoughts on literally anything else. He was already feeling emotionally drained, he really didn’t need the added stress of the heaviness in his heart with Phil so close and so far, all at the same time.

“Are you just going to pretend like we aren’t fighting?” Phil says softly, and Dan feels as Phil’s finger comes up to settle on his wrist.

Dan pulls his hand away, folding his hands over his stomach. He doesn’t turn to look at him, but he sees Phil’s hand reach forward, almost as if he’s going to try and touch Dan again. He must think better of it, because instead he drops his hand back to the bed.

It’s quiet for a moment before Phil sighs, shifting so that he’s facing Dan. “Can you look at me, at least?”

He doesn’t want to, but Dan slowly tilts his head, raising an eyebrow at Phil when their gazes meet. The older man frowns at him, looking conflicted as he bites his lower lip. “Looking at you,” Dan responds sarcastically.

Phil studies him for a minute, his blue eyes searching. Dan squirms under the scrutiny, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden, laying down like this. But he doesn’t want to sit up either, because then he’ll have to actively participate in this conversation, and he doesn’t want to do that either. “I don’t want to fight with you,” Phil says quietly.

Dan shifts then, his eyes darting back up to the ceiling as he shrugs. “No offense, mate, but I didn’t start this.” He tries to control the bitter tone in his voice, but he knows Phil takes note of it.

“I know,” Phil says, gently this time, as if he’s worried Dan will cry or something. “And I’m sorry that I started it. I… It isn’t something I want to make a habit of.”

“Good. Then don’t do it again.” Dan shrugs, allowing his eyes to flutter close. Maybe if he pretends that he’s drifted off to sleep, Phil will leave him alone and let him have a moment to process why this argument is upsetting him so much.

Sadly, he doesn’t get so lucky. “Are you still mad at me?” Phil inquires, shifting enough that Dan can feel the bed moving. He opens one eye to look at him, finding the older man propped up on his elbow to look down at him.

“No,” Dan says, voice clipped, eyes shutting once more.

There’s a pause before he feels something brush through his hair, and he tries not to shift away. He doesn’t want to be touched right now, not when they’re fighting. But it’s Phil, and he can feel his resolve crumbling, slowly but surely, especially when Phil begins petting his curls. “You seem pretty mad,” Phil muses.

Dan nearly snorts at this; it’s obvious he’s not entirely over their argument, but for some reason Phil saying this just makes him want to giggle. He doesn’t. He does shift slightly, just enough that he can pull his head away from Phil’s hand, hoping he gets the hint. He looks up at him through his lashes and finds Phil looking down, an almost hurt look on his face. “I’m not mad,” Dan sighs finally, rolling his eyes when Phil looks up at him.

“Yeah?” He asks, his voice sounding hopeful in a way that makes Dan’s heart clench.

“No, but I’m annoyed, and honestly, a little hurt.” He watches Phil closely when he says this, studying how his eyes drop down as his words register. It was probably cruel, but some part of him felt validated knowing that Phil felt guilty for being a dick. It made him feel slightly better, knowing that Phil really did feel bad for the way he’d acted, although this by no means fixed the issue or even meant that he wasn’t still mad; he definitely was.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says slowly, scratching his fingernails over the duvet. “I…” He shifts then, moving so that his face is pressed against the mattress. “I’m really sorry, Dan,” he mumbles, his voice muffled from the duvet.

Dan takes pity on him then, a heaviness settling in his chest as he watches Phil breathe deeply, looking to be on the verge of tears. He rolls over to his side, bringing his hand up to run his fingertips along the shaved sides of Phil’s hair, rubbing slow circles. “I know. And I forgive you. But saying you’re sorry doesn’t undo what I feel.”

Phil nods at this, seeming to get a grip on himself after a few moments. He slowly moves his head, and Dan pulls his hand back to his chest, watching Phil warily. He still looks vaguely like he’s about to burst into tears, but he must think he has it under control. “I know it doesn’t,” he pauses then, his eyes flickering away from Dan’s. “I really was excited when you called to tell me about the placement. I know I was a raging twat about it, but it’s all I’ve been able to think about since you called,” Phil admits, a light pink color dusting over his cheeks.

Dan allows a small smile then, feeling the heaviness in his chest retreating. “Yeah?” He asks pleasantly, tucking one of his hands under his head.

Phil nods, copying the position. “Yeah,” he responds softly. He looks tired, and Dan feels a twist in his stomach, something akin to guilt. It wasn’t his fault they’d fought, sure, but it’s his fault they were in the whole fostering mess to begin with. Pulling his mind out of this early spiral of self-loathing, Phil glances over at him, a timid look on his face. “Could we maybe… like, look at the email Hazel sent?” He sounds worried, like he’s unsure if Dan will be mad at this question.

Dan couldn’t be less upset about this, smiling as he nods and goes to retrieve his laptop from the kitchen. “Be right back.”

A minute later he’s walking back to the bedroom, his laptop held open in his hand already as he navigates to his email. Phil is sitting up against the headboard, under the duvet with Dan’s side pulled down. The brunette smiles as he slips under the blanket as well, settling next to Phil and shifting so that the screen of the laptop is tilted for him to see it.

“So, she sent me a page of their basic info, she said we’d get more of their information and a photocopy of the birth certificates when she drops them off next week.” He scrolls until he sees the file he’s looking for, clicking on it quickly so they can look over the information together.

“Did she say what day it would be?” Phil asks then, shifting closer to Dan and pushing the screen forward a little, probably to get rid of the glare.

Dan nods, trying to ignore the way they’re pressed together from hip to shoulder. He folds his legs over one another, trying to stay as much in his space as he can. “She said it would be Tuesday when they drop them off. Will you… um, are you going to be at work that day?” He chews on his lip as he waits for a response. Naturally, he wasn’t really expecting Phil to be willing to just up and skip work for this, but a selfish part of him kind of hopes that he does.

Surprising Dan a little, he actually shakes his head. “No, I have some extra holiday time, I can take the day off.” He’s scanning the information they’d been sent, but he seems to feel Dan’s gaze on him, and he tilts his head slightly, just enough to meet his gaze. Whatever he finds there makes him smile a little, nudging Dan’s arm gently. “I want to be here with you when they get here, Dan. I’m not just going to leave you to do it by yourself.”

Dan can only offer a small smile in response. “Yeah, right,” he says lamely as he turns his eyes back to the screen. He bites his lip. He really wasn’t expecting that, so he’s not entirely sure how to respond. Instead, he just reads over the words on the screen. He hadn’t actually looked at it yet, so he wasn’t sure what he’d find there.

He reads quickly through the beginning, just Hazel informing him what the email is about. Below that is a set of names and a birthdate. Below that is a list of allergies and known health issues, and at the bottom of the page there’s a picture. Dan tries to keep his emotions in check but seeing the picture at the bottom of the screen inexplicably makes his throat tighten with something he can’t identify.

**_Jaiden Alexander Young  
Amelia Grace Young  
Birthdate: 18 April 2011_ **

**_Allergies: strawberries for Amelia, none for Jaiden (or otherwise unknown)_  
Health Concerns: none known at this time  
Parents rights are currently being investigated, no visitation has been granted  
Assumed placement term: 8 months**

He reads through it twice, repeating the names in his head over and over again. Jaiden and Amelia. They were only six years old. Dan feels overwhelmed. He doesn’t even remember being that young, he would have no idea how to care for someone that age, especially two of them.

“They’re adorable,” Phil whispers beside him.

Dan allows his eyes to drift to the bottom of the screen to find the picture of the children, who are wearing matching navy shorts and tops. The girl is looking towards the camera, but the boy, who is a little taller, is turned to look at his sister. Dan feels a tightening in his chest looking at the picture, a strong indicator that he’s about to start crying. He has no desire to cry tonight, so he pushes the laptop over to Phil, swallowing hard as he tries to think of anything else besides what these children might have had to go through.

“You okay?” Phil asks softly, glancing away from the screen to look at Dan, a concerned look on his face.

Nodding, Dan shifts to lay down on his side, facing away from Phil. “Just… tired,” he mutters, struggling to speak around the lump in his throat.

There’s a silence, only interrupted by the sound of Dan’s laptop being shut. He stiffens when he feels one of Phil’s hands fall on his shoulder as he leans over him to place the MacBook on Dan’s nightstand. Dan squeezes his eyes shut, silently praying that Phil will just set the damn thing down and put some distance between them. After the rough day they’ve had, he didn’t want to feel so overwhelmed with Phil’s presence.

Phil carefully sets the laptop on the nightstand before leaning away from Dan, but he doesn’t even have a moment to feel relieved before he’s feeling the unmistakable feeling of a forehead pressing against his shoulder. A shiver runs over him, but he suppresses it enough that he feels Phil doesn’t notice. “Night, Dan,” Phil whispers into his shoulder before pulling away.

His skin feels noticeably colder in Phil’s absence, but he takes a deep breath and tugs the duvet up over himself. As he does he notices the silver band still on his hand and hurries to tug it off and leave it on the nightstand, out of his sight. Today had been a long day and he was exhausted, physically and mentally. Ignoring his heavy heart and the swirling thoughts about their placement, he forces himself to fall into a dreamless sleep.

~~~

Over the next couple days, things pass by in a sort of blur for Dan. He and Phil order a new twin bed and some other furniture for the second kid’s bedroom, which luckily comes in on the Friday before the kids are due to be dropped off. Dan orders another set of rather gender-neutral sheets, refusing to buy anything that conforms to modern day gender roles before they’ve even met the children. Phil teases him about this as he listens to his rant but doesn’t say a word when the sheets come in and Dan asks him to make the bed.

When Tuesday finally comes around, Dan is a nervous wreck.

“Dan, please sit down,” Phil grumbles into his hands from where he’s sat at the kitchen table.

Dan was pacing the room, his fingers running repeatedly between his hair and his mouth. “I can’t,” he mutters through clenched teeth, biting savagely at his index fingernail.

Phil sighs deeply and moves his hand to prop his chin up, staring at Dan with an unimpressed look. “Dan,” he repeats, voice hard. He looks pointedly at the seat across from him, his demanding tone leaving very little room to argue. Dan sits quickly, his face a little flushed as he does. Phil watches him carefully, a small smile tugging at his lips when Dan drops his head to his hands. “Hey, it’s okay,” Phil says gently, his hand brushing Dan’s wrist.

“I’m just nervous,” he mumbles, allowing Phil to pull his hands away. He has no choice but to meet his gaze then, and he doesn’t want to, afraid that Phil will definitely be able to tell just how nervous he really is.

“I know,” Phil says simply. “I’m nervous too, you know.” He smiles then, and Dan’s eyes fall to where their hands are resting on the table, Phil’s fingers gently stroking along the back of Dan’s hands comfortingly. “But we’re going to be fine, Dan. I think we know enough to be decent foster parents.”

Shaking his head, Dan can’t help but laugh without humor. “That’s not what I’m worried about, Phil,” he admits.

Phil looks confused upon hearing this, his eyebrows furrowing. “Well, what are you worried about?”

It’s quiet for a moment as Dan tries to collect his thoughts, staring down at their hands as he thinks. Phil’s engagement band really did complement his skin tone pretty perfectly, and just the thought makes Dan a little annoyed. As soon as the thought crosses his mind, he pulls his hand away and forces himself to think about the fact that they’re only minutes away from being responsible for two small children.

“What if they don’t like us?” He blurts, tugging his hair a little harder than he’d intended.

Phil stares at him in silence for a moment, a perplexed look on his face. “Um… what?” He laughs awkwardly, but Dan just shakes his head.

“I’m serious! We’re not really clear about what happened with their parents, what if we do something that they hate, but we don’t realize they hate it so then they just begin to resent us, and- and what if it’s just me? What if they realize I don’t know what I’m doing, and then they just hate me!” Dan moves to grab his hair again but shakes too hard and effectively just punches his own face. He drops his head to the table with a loud bang and tries not to scream.

Another concern finds his lips like a slap.

“Dan, hang on, just-“

“What if they’re homophobic, Phil? Like what if their parents are bigots and they hate us because of that? Oh my god, Phil, we can’t-“

“Dan!” Phil shouts, his expression concerned but bordering on amusement with the small smile he has on his lips. “I don’t think any of that will happen, okay? But if it does, we can cross that bridge when we get to it. Okay? Think about all the good, instead. They’ll have nice rooms, and we can take them shopping to find some things more suited for their taste. They’re not going to hate us, Dan.” His hand brushes against Dan’s but this time he doesn’t linger. Dan almost wishes he would.

“But how do you know that?”

Phil shrugs at this, but before he can answer, they’re interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door. They’d given Hazel the code to the building after one of the first home visits, so the sudden knock makes Dan jump. Dan sucks in a deep breath, the butterflies in his stomach doing some kind of acrobatics. Phil smiles at him reassuringly as he stands. “Come on, can’t back out now.”

Swallowing hard, Dan nods and follows Phil to the door, his hand itching to reach out and take Phil’s. It’s a completely ridiculous desire, but he knows that it would only feel comfortable to have that physical contact, that’s all. “I’m nervous,” he whispers just as they reach the door.

Phil glances back at him, his hand hovering above the door handle. “Somehow, I had figured that out for myself, Bear.” The smile that brightens up his face then is enough to make Dan’s worries seem a little silly, and he only nods before watching as Phil swings the door open.

Hazel stands on the other side with a medium sized suitcase on the floor by her feet, a file folder in her hand. She wears a bright smile, looking more than pleased to see them. Dan can’t help but look straight past her, however, at two children standing together, each of them wearing a backpack. They both have raven black hair and quite pale skin, and their eyes are a matching brown. Both of them are looking towards the floor when the door opens, but after a moment, Dan watches as they slowly look up. He gives them a tiny wave.

“Hi, Hazel,” Phil greets pleasantly, reaching forward to shake Hazel’s hand.

“Phil, Dan, it’s good to see you both,” Hazel responds brightly, shaking Dan’s hand next. His eyes barely leave the children, though, and Phil probably notices this, judging by the way his hand comes up to rest on the small of his back. “This is Amelia and Jaiden. They’re both a bit quiet, but I’m sure they’ll warm up to you fairly quickly.”

Dan shares a look with Phil, and he strokes Dan’s back reassuringly, nodding to the children. Taking a steadying breath, Dan smiles at Hazel before turning to the kids, crouching down so he can see eye-to-eye with them. He hopes this doesn’t seem condescending, but he’s well aware of how tall he is, and he doesn’t want to overwhelm them. “Hi,” he says quietly. Jaiden shifts, twisting his feet around a bit as he avoids Dan’s gaze. Amelia, on the other hand, looks straight at him, her eyes looking rather inquisitive. “I’m Dan, and this is my fiancé, Phil.”

“Hi,” Amelia says softly, glancing between Dan and Phil.

Smiling slightly, Dan glances up at Phil quickly to gauge how well he thinks this is going. The older man nods, grinning. “We’re really excited to have you two here,” Phil chimes in then.

“We are. Would you guys like to come in and put your things down? We can show you to your bedrooms.” The children slowly nod at Dan’s suggestion and he smiles before standing up and gesturing for them to come inside.

“Hazel, are you staying for a bit? I can make some tea, or coffee if you prefer,” Phil suggests, moving down the hall and taking the suitcase with him.

“Actually, I can only pop in for a minute. I feel that the two of you are very capable of taking it from here, I’ll just take a look at the bedrooms first if you don’t mind.”

Phil smiles and nods, turning to face Dan. “Lead the way, love.” His voice is soft and the gaze he sends Dan is full of understanding.

Dan bites the inside of his cheek, wincing with the effort it takes not to break into a ridiculously wide smile. “Right this way, ladies and gentlemen,” Amelia smiles uncertainly at the overdramatic way that Dan begins marching towards the first bedroom. He doesn’t miss the fond shake of Phil’s head as they pass.

There were two bedrooms downstairs in this flat, one of which was theirs, and the other was meant to be for one of the kids. “So, Dan and I didn’t want to pick out a lot of things for you, so after you see the other bedroom you guys can decide who gets which one, and we’ll be going shopping soon so you can pick out some things that you actually like,” Phil informs as they walk down the hall to the first bedroom.

“That’ll be fun, right, guys?” Hazel asks, her lilting voice affected brightly to amuse the kids.

They nod slowly, both of them trailing along behind Dan, clearly feeling nervous. Jaiden seems to be the really quiet one out of the two, but Dan does notice that he seems to be very interested in Dan’s hair, staring up at it with a kind of wonder on his face. He files that away for later. “For our first room, we have a hand-crafted, selectively selected, artisanal bedroom with slightly odd furniture, and at a low rate of just zero pounds a month, it can easily belong to either of you,” he announces in his best imitation of an auctioneer.

Amelia glances at Jaiden before smiling, her hand sneaking up to cover her mouth. Jaiden grins, and Dan feels his own smile stretch across his lips, feeling incredibly proud of himself for getting this kind of response from his lame jokes. He waves them in first, allowing both children to take a look around as he steps to the side, allowing Hazel to pop in for a look as well. Phil stands just outside of the bedroom, leaning against the door frame. Their gazes meet, and Dan’s chest fills with a fuzzy feeling at the comforting familiarity of those blue eyes meeting his amidst all the newness.

A quiet voice grabs their attention from inside the room then, effectively cutting off their staring. “So, we’ll have a whole room all to ourselves?” Jaiden asks, his brown eyes shifting to meet Dan’s.

“Yeah,” Dan nods, tucking his hands into his pockets as he watches Amelia go to sit on the bed, her face one of surprise as she surveys the room. “It obviously looks kind of boring and plain right now, but we’ll let you guys pick out your own duvet and some decorations, so you can make your rooms your own.”

Hazel smiles over at him from her spot beside the dresser. “I think that’s a lovely idea, right, Amelia?”

The little girl had been quiet since they entered the bedroom, and Dan begin to feel those same familiar nerves from earlier coming back in. What if she hated it? He hadn’t even considered that they might hate where they’re living, but he was definitely worried about it now.

Relieving him of this worry, however, she nods, rising from the bed and lacing her fingers together in front of her. “Mhm, it is,” she agrees easily enough. This doesn’t completely erase the nervousness he suddenly feels, but it does help a little bit.

“You guys ready to see the next room?” Phil inquires then, glancing at Dan with a raised eyebrow. He has a knowing look in his eyes, and Dan turns his gaze away, really hoping that Phil hadn’t realized how nervous he was again.

“Yeah,” Jaiden nods, glancing over at his sister, who copies the motion.

“Great, let’s head upstairs, kiddos,” Dan instructs, gesturing for them to follow him out of the room and to the stairs. Phil shoots him a look when he passes, but he only shakes his head slightly. He was perfectly fine, thanks, he didn’t need the concern. He was just freaking out a tiny bit, but for the most part he felt quite stable.

Dan goes through another set of theatrics as he leads them all up to the second bedroom, which is only slightly smaller than the first, but with pretty similar furnishings. After taking a look around the room, Hazel steps back out into the hallway to give the kids a moment to look around and decide what they wanted to do.

“So, what do you guys think?” Dan asks, leaning back against the dresser. Phil was stood leaning against the doorway, both of them watching as the twins glanced around at the room.

“I like the bedroom downstairs,” Jaiden says quietly, glancing away from his sister when she immediately shoots him a look.

Dan’s not sure how to interpret her expression, but he notices the hurt look on her face as she glances away. His stomach drops, but he’s not entirely sure what to say to that. “Alright… Amelia? What do you think?” He tries, watching her closely. The last thing he wanted to do was get off on the wrong foot right away if she got the room she didn’t want.

“I like this one,” she says quickly, glancing away when he tries to meet her gaze.

He shares a look with Phil, who looks a little confused. Sighing, but too uncertain about what the problem actually is to even start to attempt to fix it, Dan only nods. “Great! That was easy. We won’t be hosting a gladiator fight, and I gotta say, that’s a relief.”

Phil shoots out an elbow towards him then, catching him in the soft part of his side. “They don’t know what that is, love,” He says calmly, as Dan staggers back.

“My kidney!”

Phil ignores him, sharing a quick secret smile with Jaiden and Amelia. “You can just leave your backpacks in here if you want, and we’ll all go downstairs, okay?”

~~~

Hazel doesn’t stay very long after the house tour, just long enough to give them some important paperwork and give each of the kids a hug and wish them the best. She also hugs Dan and Phil, reassuring them that they’re going to be fine. The moment the door shuts behind her, however, Dan can feel the panic welling up. They were proper alone now, it was just them and these two children.

Phil, psychic abilities and all, seems to sense this almost immediately, and puts a hand on Dan’s hip when they’re left alone. “Bear, take a deep breath. We’re okay, I promise.” He squeezes gently, his thumb stroking along the hem of Dan’s t-shirt.

Dan forces himself to breathe deeply for a moment before nodding. He could maybe not ruin this. They’d be fine. Phil was right here with him, and they’d be fine. “Okay.” He lifts his gaze to meet Phil’s and finds a soft understanding there that has his throat tightening. “Um, should we make some dinner?”

“I think so, yeah. Probably shouldn’t start off on take away.” Phil’s hand falls away as he goes to make his way back to the lounge where they’d left the twins, and Dan frowns.

“Yeah, sure. Um… Pasta, maybe?” He suggests, following Phil.

Phil shrugs. “We can ask them to help decide.” Just as he says this, they step into the lounge and find both of the children looking around the room, perched on the very edge of the couch. “How do you two feel about some dinner?” Phil asks cheerfully, clapping his hands together to get their attention.

The twins share a look before nodding fervently. Dan has to stifle a giggle at this; they looked about as excited at the idea of food as he and Phil usually were. The thought that they’d have things in common with them causes a flurry of warmth to rise in his chest. “What are you guys in the mood for? We can make spaghetti, or some fried rice, or...” he trails off then, glancing at Phil. “You went grocery shopping last, mate, I’m not sure what else there is.”

Phil rolls his eyes fondly at this before motioning for the kids to follow him. “C’mon, I’m the king of the kitchen around here, I’ll find us something to cook.” He sticks his tongue out at Dan as he passes, and Dan crosses his arms petulantly. This interaction makes both of the children giggle, and he smiles as he trails after them and into the kitchen.

“That’s a dirty lie! Phil once almost burned the building down by putting a pizza box into the oven! I’m the chef round these parts.” He says the last part in what he hopes is a convincing Western accent.

“Hey!” Phil protests at this, glaring over his shoulder at Dan. “I’m not the one who didn’t realize you had to cook pasta in water, Howell,” he teases, his tongue poking through his teeth.

Dan may accidentally pinch his arm when he reaches around Phil to peruse the cupboard, but it’s likely just an accident. Probably. “How do you guys feel about spaghetti?” He asks, glancing back at the children, who have taken their seats at the table. Dan feels a little strange then, seeing them sitting there as if they just belong. It does something funny to his heart.

The two children share a look before nodding slowly. Dan’s beginning to notice a trend in the way they only make decisions together, and he idly wonders what their story is. He knows better than to ask, especially with them being so young. If they want to talk about it, they can, but he isn’t going to push.

“Great. Phil, can you get the sauce and noodles out of the cupboard?” Dan requests, retrieving the pots they needed before going to wash his hands.

“Yep. Do we have beef in the fridge?” Phil stops then and looks over to the twins. “Do you two have any specific foods you don’t like? Is ground beef something both of you will eat?”

Dan glances up to catch their response, surprised to see Amelia answer almost immediately. “We’re not very picky,” she says quietly. She glances over at her brother then, who nods.

“I don’t like broccoli,” he adds, his nose wrinkling as he says this.

Phil smiles, moving to the fridge to see that they have what they need in there. “I can see why. They look like nasty little trees.” He makes a face and shivers dramatically, as if he’s completely disgusted. Dan rolls his eyes at this, setting the pot of water down on the hob before adding the spaghetti.

“Right, well, thank you, you’ve ruined broccoli forever,” he teases, rolling his eyes playfully at the kids when he passes the table to get a spoon before going back to stir the noodles.

Phil shrugs as he shuts the fridge door, coming over to hand Dan the package of ground beef. “Broccoli was already ruined, Howell. Want me to do anything?”

Dan nods to the kids. “Do you guys want something to drink? We have Ribena and apple juice, or water, if you’d prefer that.”

There’s a pause when they look at each other, clearly unsure. “Um… Ribena?” Amelia says, almost sounding like a question rather than a request.

“Sure. Phil, can you- thank you.” Phil’s already pulling the glasses out and pouring a little bit in each one, glancing over at Dan inquisitively as he reaches for another cup. Dan nods. “Thanks,” he murmurs a minute later when Phil hands him his drink, barely glancing up from where he’s working on putting the ground beef in a pan to brown it.

“No problem. Here you go. Do you guys want some straws?” Phil asks, sounding suspiciously excited. Dan’s eyes narrow a bit at this, because he was fairly sure they didn’t even own straws.

Too late to correct him, both of the children are nodding, albeit a little uncertainly. Phil grins and steps over to the drawer closest to Dan, gently pressing a hand against Dan’s waist so the drawer doesn’t hit him when he pulls it out. Dan watches in vague amusement as Phil pulls out a pack of twisty straws, the reusable kind that are probably a pain to wash. But the pride on Phil’s face is something Dan can’t even really be annoyed with, although he does try.

“Phil,” he whines out. “Did you seriously buy crazy straws? How long have you had those?”

Phil bites his lip as he holds the pack out to the twins, allowing them to pick the one they want. He bats his eyelashes at Dan innocently, making the younger man roll his eyes. “I ordered them a couple weeks ago. They change color, Dan! Look at this!” He picks one out after the kids hand him the package back, dropping it into Dan’s cup with an explosion sound. Dan watches, unimpressed, as Phil takes a long sip, grinning around the straw. It does, indeed, turn from blue to pale yellow where his lips touched it. Dan finds himself unable to look away from it.

“You just drank out of my cup,” he deadpans, dropping his spatula to cross his arms over his chest.

“I did.”

“I don’t suppose you’ll be getting me another one?” Dan asks, watching as Phil’s eyes cross as he watches the liquid race up the loops in the plastic.

“Nope,” Phil replies, popping the ‘p’ as he hands the glass back to Dan. “Try it, it’s so much fun!”

Dan stares at him for a moment, a feeling of overwhelming fondness in his chest. “You’re a child,” he says, his voice unintentionally soft.

Phil shrugs. “Do it, you know you want to.”

His nose wrinkling, Dan takes a sip, the loops in the straw causing the liquid to take longer than he’d like before it reaches his mouth.

“Down it, fresher,” Phil grins, bumping his hip against Dan’s as he picks up the forgotten spatula to take over.

Dan rolls his eyes before turning to look at the kids, who are watching with somewhat amused expressions. “Do you guys like the straws, or do you think they’re lame?” He asks, pointing to their cups.

Amelia shrugs. “I like mine. It’s blue and purple.” She takes a sip after she speaks, her eyes crossing the same way Phil’s did as she watches the drink slide up the straw. Something about the parallel makes Dan giggle.

Jaiden is studying his straw carefully, and Dan tilts his head at him. “What about you, Jaiden? You don’t have to use it if you don’t want to.”

The boy glances up quickly at this, shaking his head. “I like mine, too,” he says, his eyes flicking back to the cup. “It matches my cup.” He gestures to the blue and green cup he’d been given, which actually does match the green straw.

“Yeah it does,” Dan laughs, taking another sip of his own before glancing down at the pan that Phil’s stirring. “You’re making a mess, shove over.”

Phil sighs, but relinquishes the spatula. “I can put plates out?” He suggests.

Dan nods at this. “Mhm, please.” He glances over at the kids when Phil turns around, wondering how to approach any sort of conversation. They’re six years old, so he feels a little out of his element here. He tries to remember what he talks about with Louise’s daughter Darcy, who’s around the same age. He blurts out the first thing he can think of. “So, what are your favorite colors?”

The twins seem a little surprised by the random question, but don’t take long to answer. “Purple, I think,” Amelia says, pointing at her straw.

“Yeah? That’s a good color. I tried to dye my hair purple once,” Dan admits, shaking his head wistfully.

“Emphasis on the _tried_ ,” Phil chimes in helpfully, setting four plates out on the table. “Jaiden, what’s your favorite color?”

Jaiden shrugs. “Blue or sometimes orange,” he murmurs, barely glancing up from his cup.

“I like blue, too,” Phil responds with a smile, reaching around Dan to get the utensils. Dan can’t help but think he’s pressed awfully close to his back, but he doesn’t give any indication that it bothers him, because truthfully, it doesn’t.

“Can I get a red duvet?” Amelia asks timidly, folding her legs underneath her and leaning against the table. Dan goes to tell her to sit properly but changes his mind at the last second. These kids have obviously been through a lot lately, and there would be a time for a chat about rules and things later. Tonight, it could slide.

“Sure, if that’s what you’d like. We’ll go shopping this weekend, I think.” Phil places the utensils out with the plates before stepping back toward Dan, pressing against his side lightly. Dan hands him the spatula for the ground beef before stepping over to drain out the spaghetti noodles.

“We can go Thursday, if you want,” Dan adds, mainly only speaking to Phil. The older man glances over at him with a raised eyebrow. “I figure we should at least get their duvets and things like that as soon as possible.”

“Right,” Phil replies. “Do you want to take them on your own?” He asks, his voice holding an edge that hadn’t been there before.

Dan shakes his head, his eyebrows furrowed. “No, I want you to come with us.”

Phil frowns down at the pan in front of him. “I have a radio show Thursday, so I’m not sure how late I’ll be,” he says, quieter than before. He sounds almost offended, but Dan realizes his mistake.

“Oh.” He moves back to the stove after draining the pasta, placing the pot down and turning the hob off so it doesn’t burn without the water. “I didn’t realize. We can go this weekend, then.” He doesn’t really think about it before pressing his hand to the small of Phil’s back and rubbing circles with his thumb gently. “I just forgot that the show was on Thursday now, is all. I want you to help us pick things out,” he says softly, sincerely.

“Alright,” Phil nods, biting his lip as he glances over at Dan, a small smile on his face. “Do you want me to finish this up?”

“I’ve got it.” Dan shakes his head, waving Phil off so he can finish with the spaghetti sauce.

Phil grabs Dan’s cup and begins slurping loudly, causing Dan to roll his eyes. “So, very important question here,” Phil says, spinning around to face the kids. They look suddenly very nervous, and he smiles warmly. “What are your favorite animals?”

Amelia’s eyes widen, and she shifts in her seat. “Puppies!” She says almost immediately. Phil turns to grin at Dan, waggling his eyebrows. “I always wanted a puppy.”

“Yeah? How about you, Jaiden?”

Jaiden shifts a little on his seat, considering it. “I kind of like pigeons,” he says slowly, glancing out the window that looks over the balcony. “And giraffes,” he adds.

Dan laughs at this. Children were interesting, that’s for sure. “Well we have plenty of pigeons here.” He nods to the balcony door as he stirs the sauce in with the ground beef.

Jaiden’s eyes widen and he glances up at him. “Do you feed them?” He asks curiously.

Nodding, Phil points to a package of bird food on the counter beside the fridge. “We do. They’re hungry little buggers.”

Amelia looks over at Jaiden with an excited look on her face. She leans in and whispers something to him, and Dan glances at Phil in confusion. Before he can even think to be worried about whatever secret that was, she turns around to face them. “Can we feed them someday?”

Phil looks surprised for a moment but nods, laughing. “Sure, you can feed them after dinner if you want.”

The twins look pleased by this, and they begin talking quietly to each other, leaving Phil to turn back around to face Dan. He raises an eyebrow in question, his blue eyes shining with excitement. “What?” Dan asks with a laugh.

“We’re doing really well,” Phil says quietly, stepping closer to Dan and leaning against the counter facing away from the kids.

Dan glances back down at the food and nods. “We are,” he agrees. He remembers something that they were told multiple times in their training, and lowers his voice to speak, trying not to be overheard. “Do you reckon we should talk about rules and all that after dinner?”

Phil seems to consider this for a moment before nodding slowly. “I think it’s best to get it out of the way now, yeah.” Before Dan can protest, he dips a finger into the sauce and pops it into his mouth. An unholy screech of protest falls from Dan’s lips at this, and Phil giggles, sidestepping him when Dan moves to swat at him.

“Philip!” He shouts, feigning anger. It doesn’t work, and he bursts into a fit of laughter at the ridiculous look on Phil’s face. “That was gross. Don’t do that again.”

Shrugging, Phil steps closer to the pan again. “I was just taste-testing, Dan. Someone’s gotta do it,” he sighs dramatically.

Dan rolls his eyes, smacking his hand. “Not with your finger,” he says primly, grabbing a spare spoon and dipping it into the sauce. He holds his hand underneath to catch any drips and holds it up to Phil’s mouth.

The older man looks mildly surprised, but opens his mouth obediently, allowing Dan to feed him. He makes an appreciative noise, licking the spoon clean. Dan’s stomach twists with something he doesn’t care to even bother addressing, and his eyes quickly dart away as he tugs the spoon out of Phil’s mouth. “That’s very good,” Phil hums, licking his lips.

“What can I say, I’m basically a professional,” Dan teases, his voice feeling a little unsteady. He clears his throat. “Help me move this to the table, spoon.”

Phil groans about this, citing child labor laws and making the twins giggle behind their hands, but eventually the four of them are settled down eating their dinner. They ask the children various questions, mainly simple things like their favorite foods and movies and things like that. Eventually, the tables turn, and the kids ask them something instead.

“Are we going to stay here for a long time?” Amelia asks, staring down at her mostly empty plate.

Dan and Phil share an uncertain look. They weren’t sure if they could really answer that question, but Dan didn’t want to lie to her. “You guys will be with us for a few months, but that’s all we really know right now. Is that okay?”

Amelia nods slowly. Jaiden stares down at his own plate, completely empty now, but doesn’t say anything. “I guess so,” she says softly.

Dan chews on his lip, uncertain what else to say on that subject. Phil must be feeling the same, because he changes the subject entirely. “Well, we’ve got some things to talk about before bed, but do you guys want some dessert?” He stands up and begins collecting plates, and Dan’s eyes follow him as he does this.

“What kind of- _Phil_ ,” Dan sighs, exasperated.

Phil shrugs, a grin tugging at his lips. “I may have picked up some cookies earlier,” he admits, sounding only a little guilty.

Dan shakes his head fondly, turning to look at the twins. “He’s going to spoil you guys, I just want you to know that up front.”

They both giggle but look more than excited for cookies. Dan watches with fond amusement as Phil sets out the assorted package of cookies before going to the cupboard to get glasses for milk. Dan stands to help, but Phil shoots him a look. “I’ve got this, you made dinner. Sit down,” he orders, pointing to his chair.

“Yes, sir,” Dan rolls his eyes.

“Do you want milk, too?” Phil inquires. Dan shakes his head no, turning to look through the cookie options and pouting when nothing really catches his eye.

A few minutes later the kids have each picked out a cookie, and Phil has placed a small cup of milk in front of both of them. Phil sets down a glass of milk in front of Dan too, and Dan shoots him a look. Rolling his eyes, Phil steps back to the cupboard and pulls out a small package of Dan’s favorite cookies, dropping them unceremoniously to the table. “I knew you’d want milk if you had these,” he grins cheekily at Dan’s open mouth.

“Oh!” Dan exclaims quietly, glancing over at the kids, who are eagerly tucking into their dessert. “Thank you,” he smiles, opening his package of cookies. Phil smiles back at him warmly, leaning back in his chair and dropping his arm onto the back of Dan’s. Dan shifts slightly, just until his shoulder blades are brushing against Phil’s arm. Phil accidentally presses his arm closer then, but Dan doesn’t move away.

“So,” Phil begins, his eyes shifting from Dan to the twins. “We need to go over some things that we need you guys to be aware of.”

Dan nods, chewing his cookie quickly so he can contribute to this. This was the part he was most nervous for, honestly, because this was the serious parenting part. Anyone can make dinner and feed a child; they were about to dive into the part where they set rules and boundaries.

The twins share a nervous look, but neither of them stop eating their cookies. Dan smiles at this. “It’s not a lot, we promise. We just need to talk about things like bedtime and being safe at home, that sort of thing.”

After a nervous murmur of “okay” from the twins, Phil glances over at Dan before clearing his throat. “So, first off, bedtime,” he begins. “You both need to be in bed no later than eight on school nights, and nine is the latest on other nights.”

Dan nods along with this. This was something they’d discussed a few times before, and after a couple chats with each of their mums and some other parent friends, they’d decided on eight since they were so young. Neither of the twins seem very phased by this, and they both nod in agreement.

“Second thing,” Dan starts, shifting in his seat and almost jumping when he feels Phil’s hand rest on his shoulder lightly. “We want you guys to keep your rooms tidy, but we’re not going to throw a fit if you have some toys or things lying around. Just make sure to put your clothes in the laundry basket and things like that.”

Phil nods to this, before adding, “Dan or I will do laundry, but just make sure it’s in a basket to make it easier. And you’re welcome to play anywhere in the apartment but try not to leave your things laying around if you’re not playing with them.”

“And there are a few things that you’re not to touch.” Dan jumps in, eyes flicking from potential hazard to potential hazard. “The oven and stove, opening the windows, anything that you’re worried about doing without help. We want to do those things for you. It would make us really happy if you asked.” He makes eye contact with each of them in that moment. “Oh- and broken stuff. If something breaks, please don’t touch it. Please tell one of us so that we can fix it. We won’t be mad, I promise. Even if you broke it.”

“That’s pretty much it, I think,” Phil glances over at Dan before shifting to look at the twins, who are finishing their drinks. “If you have questions about anything or just don’t like something you can talk to either of us. We want you to feel safe here, so if anything happens you can talk to us, alright?”

Both children nod, and Amelia timidly raises her hand. Dan smiles at this but motions for her to speak. “What are we supposed to call you?” She asks, looking a little nervous for the answer.

Dan’s eyes dart to Phil’s a little anxiously. They hadn’t really discussed this. Dan had jokingly suggested they have the kids call them Danny and Philly because he hates it, but now with the question actually thrown at him, he’s honestly not sure how to respond. Luckily, Phil is there with an answer already.

“You can call us whatever you want. If you want to just say Dan and Phil, that’s alright. Whatever you feel comfortable with.” Phil shrugs then, his hand falling away from Dan’s chair as he intertwines his fingers and drops his hands to the table. “You don’t have to pick something now, either. You can decide that whenever you’re ready.”

Amelia nods slowly, looking down at her plate. Jaiden looks deep in thought, and Dan’s a little concerned at how quiet he is. “Jaiden?” Dan asks softly, ducking his head to catch his gaze.

Jaiden glances up, looking a little surprised. “Hm?”

“Are you okay? Is there anything you wanted to ask?” Dan inquires.

After a pause, Jaiden shifts in his chair. “Are we going to have chores?” He asks.

Dan furrows his eyebrows before turning to look at Phil. Phil’s expression mirrors his own. “Um… I don’t think…”

Phil shakes his head a bit. “No, we hadn’t planned on it. Would you guys like to have some chores to do?” He asks, voice uncertain.

Jaiden shrugs. “No, I guess not,” he responds lightly. Dan smiles at this but doesn’t say anything.

“Okay,” Phil laughs, shaking his head a bit. “Anything else you guys have questions about?”

Amelia pipes up then. “Do we always have to be called our full names?”

Dan frowns, a little confused. “Um, no, not if you’d prefer something else. What would you rather we called you?”

She smiles at this. “Mia,” she says, pointing to herself. “And he’s Jai, but sometimes when he’s in trouble he gets called Jaiden.”

Jaiden glares at his sister at this. “Do not,” he mutters, slumping in his seat. Amelia only nods fervently, smirking.

Dan shakes his head in amusement before standing and picking up their plates to carry them to the sink. Phil smiles at him and stands as well, going over to open the dishwasher. “I got it,” Dan assures him, rinsing the plates they had in the sink.

“You rinse, and I’ll stack,” Phil negotiates, plucking a plate out of Dan’s hand instead of waiting for a response.

Within a few minutes they’ve finished with the dishes and Phil starts the dishwasher quickly. Dan watches idly from his spot beside the sink as Phil walks over to wash his hands, patting them dry on the hand towel beside Dan. He catches Dan’s gaze and smiles, lightly swinging the towel to hit Dan’s chest. “Rude,” Dan mutters, catching the end of it so Phil could no longer swing it around. An intrusive thought reminds Dan that he could just tug him closer with the towel, but he shoves the thought and the towel away almost immediately.

“You okay?” Phil asks softly, glancing over to where the twins have moved to stand beside the glass door to the balcony, looking outside at the pigeons that are flying about.

Dan nods, and has the strongest urge to lean in for a hug. He feels he’s earned it after the day he’s had, so he doesn’t even attempt to stop himself as he leans against the older man, pressing his forehead to his shoulder. Phil’s arms wrap around him, his hand trailing up and down Dan’s back lightly. Dan sighs at the feeling. “Thank you,” he murmurs.

Phil laughs softly at this, and Dan could swear he feels him press a kiss to his hair. “We’ve done pretty well so far. I’m proud of us,” he says quietly against Dan’s curls.

“Yeah,” Dan replies. He allows himself a few more seconds of this before pulling away. Dan almost feels he sees a flash of disappointment on Phil’s face, but in a second, it’s gone, and his smile is back.

“Let’s go feed some pigeons,” he says, tugging on Dan’s arm and grabbing the bag of bird food on his way towards the balcony.

And maybe Dan whines about it, but he can’t help his smile at watching the twins trying to entice pigeons to land on them with their palms overflowing with bird seed, copying every move Phil makes in hopes of bettering their chances. It’s ridiculous and won’t work, but he can’t help but smile anyway, warmth flooding his chest and reaching out to the tips of his fingers at the scene of his little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!! Stay safe and I'll see you next week! <3


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil and their first adventures as foster parents.

It’s not much later that they’re sending the twins off to bed, and Dan finds this part of the evening possibly the most stressful so far. He and Phil agree that they want to be the type of parents who actually go and say goodnight to the kids and whatnot, so after they’ve both changed into their own pajamas, they make their way upstairs to Amelia’s room. She was sitting up in the bed and staring out the window, her hands mindlessly petting over the soft blanket Dan had given her as a temporary duvet. Dan smiles at the Minnie Mouse pajamas she has on, but he can’t miss the sad look on her face, making his heart ache.

“Hey,” he says softly as he walks into the bedroom, Phil trailing behind him.

“Hi,” she responds just as quietly, looking up at them with big brown eyes.

Dan sits gingerly beside her, a little uncertain about what would really be appropriate. “Do you need anything before you go to sleep? Water or anything?”

She shakes her head slowly. She’s tugged her hair out of the ponytail he’d put it in earlier, and she sits playing with the scrunchie around her wrist. “No, I’m okay.”

Glancing helplessly at Phil, Dan laces his hands together over his lap. Phil steps closer and drops his hand to Dan’s shoulder. “Well, if you need anything just come downstairs and let us know, okay?”

“Okay.”

Uncertain about what to say or do now, Dan only nods, shifting to grip the blanket on her bed. “Want me to tuck you in?”

She nods slowly, laying down in her bed stiffly. Just as Dan begins to pull the blankets up, she sits up. “Can I…” She trails off for a moment, but before Dan has a chance to say anything, she lunges closer to him and wraps her tiny arms around his neck. He doesn’t move for a moment, purely out of shock, but when he processes it, he hugs her back gently, stroking her hair back.

A glance over his shoulder at Phil causes Dan’s stomach to flip; the touched expression he finds on Phil’s face is almost too much for him to handle. Amelia doesn’t stay latched onto him for long, but as soon as she releases him, she turns to Phil, holding her arms out. When Phil leans across him to hug her, Dan is enveloped in the familiar scent of his cologne, and his head swims for a moment.

“Goodnight, Mia.” Dan’s brought back into reality with Phil’s words, and he stands on unsteady feet to follow him out of the room.

“Want the door open?” He asks her just before he steps out. She nods, and he smiles. “Night, love.”

Phil is waiting for him down the hall, and Dan tucks his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants as he walks downstairs, avoiding Phil’s gaze. “That was cute.” He hears from close behind him. He nearly startles at Phil’s words, but just shrugs.

“I figure they’ll both need as much affection as we have to offer,” he replies, turning to walk into Jaiden’s room. He glances back at Phil and raises his shoulder nonchalantly. “But yeah, it was pretty cute.” He grins.

Rolling his eyes, Phil shoves him lightly into Jaiden’s room. “Hey, bub,” Phil says with a smile as they both move to his bed, Phil sitting on the side opposite Dan.

“Hi,” Jaiden says softly. He’s laying down already with his arms laying across the blanket that he has pulled up to his chest. “Is Mia okay?” He asks, his voice full of concern.

A little startled at the question, Dan shares a glance with Phil, who looks just as bewildered. “She’s fine, yeah,” Dan says carefully.

Jaiden nods with a neutral expression on his face. “Okay.”

There’s a moment of silence that Dan doesn’t know how to fill, and he shifts his gaze to his best friend. “Do you need anything?” Phil asks Jaiden, straightening his blanket on one side.

“No, I’m alright,” Jaiden replies with a shake of his head.

Dan nods and shifts, unsure if he should hug him or just wait. He thinks that it’s best to just let the child initiate any type of physical affection, so he decides against it for now. “Okay. Well, let us know if you need anything, our room is just down the hall. Night, Jai.”

Jaiden nods and snuggles further down under the blankets. “Goodnight,” he murmurs.

Phil hesitates before he lifts a hand up and gently brushes Jaiden’s hair back. “Sleep tight, kiddo.”

Dan waits at the door for Phil, sending a smile to Jaiden before stepping away from the door, unthinkingly pulling it shut as he goes. “Wait!” he hears from the bed. Startled, he ducks his head around the corner and raises an eyebrow. Jaiden is sitting up on his elbows, staring nervously at the door. “Can you leave the door open?” He asks timidly.

Slightly relieved that there was no real emergency, Dan smiles and nods. “Of course.” He pushes it open a little further before stepping away. “Goodnight.”

Phil is already hovering outside the door to their own room by the time Dan turns around. “I’d say it’s been a pretty successful first day, wouldn’t you?” Phil smiles as they make their way into the bedroom.

Dan immediately collapses to the bed, sighing in relief. He’d been so worked up earlier, and now he was exhausted. But it was the good kind of exhausted, where he felt accomplished and just a little bit proud of himself. He could live with this kind of exhaustion.

“I don’t think it could’ve gone better, to be honest with you,” he breathes, allowing his eyes to drift shut. He hears the click of the light being turned off and then feels the bed shift as Phil joins him, a low groan leaving his best friend. He’s probably feeling just as relieved as Dan to finally be in bed after the day they’ve had. Something about the fact that it’s only nine o’clock and they’re already in bed makes Dan giggle, which doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s so funny?” Phil jabs him in the side with his elbow playfully.

Dan shrugs, rolling over to face Phil. “It’s barely half nine.” He crinkles his nose up as if he’s disgusted by this.

Phil quirks an eyebrow up at this, a smile playing at his lips. “And?” He prompts.

Shifting around to lay more comfortably, Dan makes a noncommittal noise. “Nothing,” he sings. “Just can’t believe how old we are.” A yawn escapes him then, and his eyes dart to take in Phil’s reaction in the soft light that’s streaming in from the window.

His face is smug, and he crosses his arms under his head with an air of confidence that nearly makes Dan roll his eyes. “Sorry, Danny boy, but it looks like the only old one here is you.” As he says this, however, he shifts and there’s an audible popping sound that makes Dan smirk.

“Alright, old man. Settle down or you’ll pop something out of place,” Dan teases, rolling onto his other side and shifting backwards a little. They hadn’t been purposely snuggling together or anything since the whole sharing a bed thing started, but occasionally they’d wake up with limbs intertwined. So what if Dan maybe didn’t mind this and maybe preferred waking up closer to waking up in an empty bed? That’s his business.

Phil shoves him gently, but doesn’t let Dan get too far, throwing his arm over Dan’s chest. There’s a little flippy thing going on with his heart, but he’s pretty sure that’s just leftover nerves from earlier with the kids. “I’ll pop something out of your mum,” Phil mutters, pressing his face against Dan’s shoulder blades.

Dan splutters at hearing this, shaking Phil’s arm off him. “Philip Lester!” He screeches, reaching behind him to smack Phil’s arm.

“Sorry!” Phil giggles, clearly not regretting his words at all. “I didn’t realize how it sounded until I’d already said it, I swear.” He tugs at Dan’s hair as he tries to redeem himself.

Huffing, Dan closes his eyes tightly, glad that Phil can’t see the small smile that’s threatening to show on his lips. “Don’t talk to me,” he grumbles into his pillow.

“Aw, Danny!” Phil whines behind him, tugging a bit harder on his hair. Dan shifts away, really wishing that the tugging of his hair didn’t elicit the kind of reaction that it did.

His cheeks now heating uncomfortably, Dan sighs. “You have to make me breakfast in the morning for saying that about my mum.” He’s only half-joking. He’s really not all that offended by what Phil had said, but he’d never pass up a reason to bribe him into making him breakfast.

“I suppose I can do that,” Phil sighs dramatically, but Dan can hear the smile in his voice. “Pancakes?”

Dan nods. “Yes. And I’d like to be hand fed, Egyptian-pharaoh style.”

Phil snorts behind him, and Dan can feel the bed shift as Phil probably gets comfortable on his side. “I don’t know about all of that, mate, but we’ll see about the pancakes.”

“Fair enough.” Sighing, Dan allows himself to start to drift to sleep, his mind swirling with the familiar banter and the worries of the day. In the silence of the room he can really think about the twins and the way they’ve handled their first day as foster parents. He can’t help but think about how nervous both of them seemed before going to sleep, and an uneasy feeling settles in his stomach as he begins to feel sleep creeping up onto him. He’s barely just dropped onto the other side of unconsciousness when he startles awake, a shock of nerves causing him to sit up.

“Wha’s wrong?” Phil mumbles from beside him.

Dan feels his stomach swirling with anxiety, and he swallows hard. “I… Nothing? I don’t know. I’m going to go check on the kids.” He shuffles off the bed quickly, blinking to clear his eyes as he stumbles to the door.

“Wha- Dan?” Phil sounds confused.

He’s not sure what makes him feel so inclined to go check on the twins, but he feels that on their first night he needs to make sure they’re okay, and not awake crying or scared of being on their own or anything. He’d never forgive himself if he left them to suffer on their own in the dark on their first night there. Since Jaiden’s room is closest, he stops at his door first. Something vaguely nags at the back of his mind upon seeing the door nearly closed, but he pushes it away to gently open the door and peer inside.

His mind is working a little slow due to his almost-asleep state, but he’s awake enough to process that it seems a little odd for there to be two lumps under the blanket instead of the one that should have been there to begin with. He takes a couple of steps closer, and after he realizes what it is that he’s seeing, his throat closes up. Because there, snuggled up close to her brother, is Amelia, her mouth open as she breathes evenly in her sleep.

Dan feels his heart clench at the sight, and he feels daft for even suggesting they sleep in separate rooms. Of course they would likely feel more comfortable sharing a room, in the middle of all the change and newness in their life, they needed the comfort of the other’s presence. He takes a moment to fix their blanket and make sure they’re both warm enough before he creeps out of the room silently, leaving the door the way he’d found it.

Feeling a little less nervous and just as tired, he crawls back into his own bed, curling up on his side facing away from Phil, who appears to be asleep from the way his eyes are closed, and his arm is curled around his spare pillow. Dan closes his eyes in an attempt to do the same, but a quiet voice startles him out of it. “Everything okay?”

He rolls over to find Phil’s eyes barely open, concern swimming in the blue there. Dan nods. “Yeah. I just wanted to see that they were okay.” He hesitates before continuing. “Mia’s in Jai’s room. I don’t think they’re used to sleeping in their own rooms.” He glances down at the shiny band on Phil’s left hands to distract himself from Phil’s gaze.

“Oh,” Phil says quietly. “Should we get them some bunkbeds maybe?”

Dan shrugs at this. “I reckon her bed might actually fit in there, to be honest with you. We’d just need to move some things around.”

Phil nods slowly. “Okay. We can talk about it more tomorrow. Sleep now.” He mumbles, his eyes already drifting shut again.

Smiling with a fond shake of his head, Dan shifts so that he’s on his back. “Night, Phil.”

Phil only hums in response before the room is filled with the sounds of his even breathing. Dan allows himself a moment to be jealous that sleep comes so easy for the older man before he sighs and allows himself to get comfortable and drift into a dreamless sleep.

~~~

The next morning, Phil is up bright and early, making pancakes as promised. Dan allows himself a selfish moment of alone time in their bed, just sitting there smelling the delicious scent wafting into his bedroom from the kitchen and basking in the fact that he doesn’t really have anywhere to be today. His gut tugs nervously when he remembers Phil has to work and will be leaving him alone with the twins for the better part of the day, but he forces himself not to feel too wrapped up in that just yet. It’s too early for a crisis.

Instead, he rolls out of bed and grabs his phone before padding down the hall and into the kitchen, smirking when he hears Phil’s bad singing before he even steps into the room. The smirk fades into a soft smile as he watches Phil flipping the pancakes and nodding along to the song he’s singing to himself. It’s stupidly endearing, and Dan kind of wants to go over and hug him but he also kind of wants to throw something at him to shut him up.

He doesn’t do either of these things. Instead, he makes his way over to the coffee maker, allowing his hand to brush down Phil’s back as he steps around him to reach the machine. Phil jumps, predictably, a little squeak flying out of his mouth in surprise. “Oh. Hi,” he greets, offering Dan a grin.

Dan returns the smile, flicking a curl off his forehead. “Morning,” he yawns, tugging the coffee pot off the burner and reaching for the empty mug he finds beside it.

“I didn’t forget about your pancakes, are you impressed?” Phil teases, pointing at the golden-brown disk in the pan.

Shrugging, Dan goes about making his coffee as well as topping Phil’s off. “I’m still debating whether or not pancakes are enough compensation for the disgusting thing you said about my mum,” he quips.

Phil rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Do you actually remember what I said?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow. Dan’s silence is all it takes to answer this question, and Phil laughs. “You’re lucky I’m husband material, or else I wouldn’t have done this for you,” he jokes easily.

Dan recognizes this as the jibe it is, but he still can’t stop the rush of sadness that floods his chest at the casual way Phil still references their fake relationship. He tries to play this off with a half-hearted laugh, but he’s not sure it lands. Luckily, he doesn’t have to worry about being questioned, as that’s when the twins make an appearance.

“Good morning,” he says cheerfully as Amelia and Jaiden make their way over to the table. “Sleep well?” He asks casually.

Both children nod, still looking a little sleepy. Dan catches Phil’s eye and notices the hint of amusement there before he turns to face the kids. “Are you guys hungry?” Phil asks with a grin.

The twins share a glance before nodding fervently. “Yes,” Amelia says.

“Starving,” Jaiden adds.

Dan chuckles at this before going over to fetch the plates out of the cupboard. “Well I hope you two like pancakes,” he tosses over his shoulder.

He’s met with excited agreements and chatter, and he grins as he goes to set the plates and utensils out. They’re already talking about toppings and things, so he begins collecting various fruits and snacks that they can add to their breakfast. “Marshmallows are in the cupboard by the fridge,” Phil tells him.

Quirking an eyebrow, Dan considers this. “Isn’t that… a little too much? Like, won’t that just be a lot of sugar?” He asks, scratching the back of his neck.

Phil looks positively baffled by this. “Okay, Mr. Strawberries and Whipped Topping. The rest of us are here for a good time, not a long time,” he teases easily, smirking when Dan rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. I just want you to realize you have work and will be effectively leaving me here with sugar-high kids if they eat too much of it.” He grabs the marshmallows and waves the bag pointedly at Phil before setting his varied collection at the table. He steps back over to the stove, leaning against it and crossing his arms. “Need me to do anything?” He asks, softer than his previous taunting.

Phil shakes his head, flipping a pancake onto a serving plate and pouring more batter into the pan. “I think I’ve got it. Just sit and look pretty, I guess.” His tongue pokes out between his teeth and Dan grimaces at the ridiculously cheesy statement. He supposed he couldn’t really call him out on it, either, or else the twins might begin to realize something wasn’t quite right. The reminder that the twins are under the impression that they’re actually engaged kicks in then, and he vaguely wonders how good their acting has been, or if they needed to step it up.

Instead of overthinking it, he shakes his head in an attempt to clear those thoughts for now. He could deal with that when he was more caffeinated and less hungry. “Give me a challenge,” he drawls, flipping his invisible hair over his shoulder as he goes to join the kids at the table a few feet away.

“Shut up,” Phil rolls his eyes fondly, flipping the final pancake onto the plate.

“Rude,” Dan mutters, making a show of rolling his eyes to the kids and gesturing to Phil with his thumb.

Phil catches this, apparently, as he sets the platter of pancakes down on the table, along with a fork. “You love me and we both know it. So, shut up and stuff your face, Howell.”

Dan purses his lips at this, sharing a look with both of the kids and shaking his head subtly. Amelia giggles at this, and he smiles. “Do you guys want some apple juice or milk?” He asks, shifting to stand.

Before he gets the chance, Phil drops his hands onto Dan’s shoulders to keep him seated. “I got it, babe,” he assures before glancing over at the kids. “What’ll it be this morning, guys?”

Trying his hardest not to squirm under the feeling of hearing that particular pet name leave his best friend’s mouth, Dan begins passing out pancakes as a distraction. The kids tell Phil what they want to drink, and his hands leave Dan’s shoulders after rubbing gentle circles. It was actually nice, and he’s a little annoyed to have it taken away. Maybe he should go get a massage sometime.

After fetching everyone what they needed, Phil joins them at the table and they enjoy a fairly well-cooked breakfast. Dan condiment-shames Phil for his choice of toppings, but Phil is unbothered, and rather proud of his sugary intake from the looks of things. They fall into easy conversation with the twins, trying to cover things they hadn’t last night, as well as building on the things they had. Dan gets a better idea of what sorts of things they enjoy doing, and they also learn a bit more about their previous placement, which had lasted about three months. Neither Dan nor Phil press this issue, and other than an off statement from Amelia and a response from Jaiden, they don’t continue that particular train of thought for now.

With their plates empty and stomachs full, Dan decides to go ahead and address the sleeping arrangements. “So, I have a question for you guys,” he begins, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible as to not make them nervous.

Amelia barely looks up from the silly straw she’s sipping her apple juice from, but Jaiden looks up at him with a curious gaze. “Yeah?”

Dan glances at Phil for reassurance that he can go ahead and talk about it, and Phil nods. “Well, we were wondering if maybe you didn’t want to have separate bedrooms. Obviously, it’s perfectly fine if you do, but if you two would rather share a room, we can move Mia into yours, since it’s bigger.” He doesn’t want to admit to knowing that Amelia went to sleep in his room last night, because that feels like an invasion of privacy to him.

It’s quiet for a minute as Amelia looks over at Jaiden, looking a little surprised but otherwise excited. “Yeah, I think I want to share a room,” she says, nodding.

Jaiden shrugs but follows it with a nod as well. “We always share a room, ‘cause Mia gets scared by herself,” he says, scooping his finger through the syrup in his plate and popping it into his mouth.

Amelia glares at him and looks like she’s about to punch him before her eyes widen and her hand drops, looking over to Dan and Phil with a look of worry on her face. Dan pretends he didn’t notice that she’d nearly punched her brother, and instead smiles at them. “Alright, we’ll move Mia’s bed in there soon. Um, maybe later this evening?” He asks, glancing at Phil uncertainly.

Phil shrugs. “Sure, we can do it when I get off work.” He smiles.

Dan nods and begins to collect their plates, assuming that’s where the conversation would end. Amelia’s voice surprises him a bit, but he keeps to his task as she talks. “Do you both have to work today?” She asks.

“Nope, I’m off today,” Dan responds with a smile. “I work as a school counselor and since it’s summer holiday I’m off for most of the week, at least until school starts again.”

Jaiden looks intrigued by this. “Is it the same school we’re going to?” He inquires, looking anxious for the answer.

Dan moves to the sink to rinse the plates out, waving Phil off when he moves to stand as well. “Sort of. I work at the secondary school that’s just across from the school you two will be attending. So, I’ll be close by.”

“Cool,” Jaiden replies, pulling his cup closer to him and sipping from the crazy straw that he’d picked out earlier. Amelia begins talking about something she’d dreamed about, and Phil is conversing with her, so Dan is left to sort of get lost in his mind as he loads the dishwasher. He’s not really worrying or stressing about one specific thing, but his mind floats to the various things he needs to do over the next few days, and he easily drowns out the conversation at the table.

Finishing up with the dishes doesn’t take long, and by the time he’s finished, he realizes that the twins have left the kitchen and Phil is putting away their toppings and things. It occurs to him too that he’s humming something, and almost as soon as he realizes it, the tune drops from his train of thought and he goes silent. This causes Phil to glance up at him, a small smile on his face. “Everything okay over there?” He asks, his tone light and joking.

Dan nods, leaning against the counter and watching Phil move around. “Mhm. Just thinking.” He glances over at the table again, a little embarrassed that he’d been out of it enough to not really notice when the kids left. “Where’d the twins go?”

“I sent them to go get dressed for the day.” Phil shuts the cupboard after he’s shoved the marshmallows back in, turning to face Dan with a neutral expression. “What’re you guys gonna be up to today?”

Shrugging, Dan actually allows himself to consider this, since he hadn’t earlier. “I dunno. Might take them to the park, or something. Maybe check to see what all they have and go fetch the necessities that they don’t already have.”

Phil nods at this, leaning against a chair at the table. “I wish I didn’t have to work,” he sighs.

Dan smirks at this. “Hard knock life, bub.” He grins when Phil sticks his tongue out childishly.

“Whatever,” Phil pouts. “I guess I’ll go get ready for work. Time to slave away and be the breadwinner, I guess.”

Snorting, Dan shoots him a look. “Right. Woe is you.”

Phil gasps with false offense, but grins as he moves to leave the kitchen. “I’ll have you know I fancy myself the provide-for-the-family type!” He quips.

Dan rolls his eyes at his idiot best friend. “That sounds disgustingly sexist, and I’d rather choke than even pretend to conform to your twisted heteronormative ideals, Lester.”

“Lots of big words, Dan. I think you forget my brain doesn’t function on the ‘Question the Universe’ setting until at least afternoon.”

“I think you forget you studied linguistics,” Dan says amusedly.

Phil falters at this, but then shrugs. “I think you forget your mum,” he replies with a grin.

Dan sighs loudly, his eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling as if trying to communicate with an entity. “Go shower, you spork. I haven’t had enough caffeine for this.”

There’s a giggle that follows Phil down the hall to their en-suite bathroom, and Dan’s lips curve into a smile. Something about the simple domestic banter reminds him so much of when they used to live together in Manchester, and his head begins swimming with memories from what feels like another life. He barely has time to properly reminisce before the twins are coming into the kitchen, both of them dressed for the day.

They’re talking quietly as they step into the kitchen, and Dan’s focused on cleaning off the counter beside the sink, not fully registering what they’re saying until he picks up on the harshness of Amelia’s voice. He subtly glances over his shoulder to see them walking over to the kitchen table, but neither of them seems to think he’s paying attention.

“They might, you don’t know.” Jaiden’s voice is softer than his sister’s, but Dan’s still left without context.

“No, they won’t.”

“But there’d be room for Levi if we share!” He protests. Against what, Dan’s still uncertain.

“Shut _up_ , Jaiden,” Amelia snaps.

Dan turns to face them then, opening his mouth to ask what they were arguing about. He doesn’t get the chance to, because just then, Phil steps back into the kitchen, humming to himself. He’s changed into a red t-shirt and black jeans and has replaced his glasses with contacts. His presence in the kitchen has silenced the conversation between the twins, and Dan falters, unsure if he should bother mentioning it right now or just wait.

Phil looks a little confused at the silence in the room, but he sends Dan a smile as he goes to rummage through the fridge, pulling out his reusable water bottle. “Alright, well, I’ll need to leave for work in a few minutes. Need anything before I go?”

“I don’t think so.” Dan shakes his head, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms. “What time are you coming home?” He asks, really hoping that he’s somehow managing to hide the panic in his tone.

After a glance at his phone, Phil shrugs, an apologetic look on his face. “Show’s over at three, and I don’t think I have a meeting after that. So, sometimes after then.” He seems to sense the worry Dan feels over being left alone with the kids less than twenty-four hours after getting them, stepping closer and lifting a hand up to brush Dan’s curls back. “You’ll be fine, Dan. You can call me if you need anything, but I know you’re going to be fine,” he speaks softly, keeping his voice low enough that the kids won’t really know what they’re talking about.

Dan nods, unsure, and can’t help but lean into Phil’s touch. Unfortunately, Phil drops his hand from his hair after a moment, leaving Dan to feel a little embarrassed. “Okay. Have fun at work, then. We’ll see you later,” he mumbles, shifting to clean out the coffee maker, just to give himself something to do.

He hears Phil sigh behind him before he notices him stepping closer in his peripheral. Dan doesn’t think too much on this, but then Phil’s leaning closer and pressing a kiss to Dan’s temple sweetly. He’s stepping away just as quickly as he had stepped forward, leaving the brunette with a vague fluttery feeling in his chest. “I’ll be home before you know it, I promise,” Phil assures him softly before turning to the twins. “I’ve gotta go for now, but I’ll see you guys soon, okay?”

The twins bid him goodbye, and he sends Dan a reassuring smile before grabbing his phone and disappearing down the hall. Dan knew he’d have to leave and go to work, obviously, but it didn’t make him any less nervous when it actually happens. He tries to stall for a moment, cleaning the coffee machine and awkwardly hovering by the sink for a moment before deciding he’s being pretty ridiculous. It’s got really nothing to do with the kids; they’re lovely. He’s just an awkward person in general, and the whole parenting thing wasn’t something he wanted to just screw up entirely.

He turns to face them and smiles when he sees that they’re standing beside the balcony door, watching the pigeons with rapt attention. “Do you guys want to go to the park today?” He asks timidly.

Amelia turns around quickly, her hair whipping around and smacking her brother as she nods furiously. “Is there a park close by?” She asks.

Dan tries to hide his laughter at the offended look on Jaiden’s face from the hair-smacking but manages to contain it enough to answer Amelia’s question. “Yeah, there’s one a few blocks away so we can just walk there whenever you guys are ready to go.”

Jaiden seems interested then, as well. “Are there any animals at the park?” He asks.

Nodding, Dan moves to look out the window with them. “There are some ducks and a few mean geese. But they’re cool to look at.”

“When are we going?” Amelia asks, sounding more excited than Dan’s heard her yet.

He shrugs, a little surprised by the enthusiasm. “Well, if you’re both ready we can head out now.”

Amelia glances over at him then, hiding her mouth with her hand as she giggles. He frowns, but she doesn’t let him worry too long. “Are you going to wear your pajamas?” She asks sweetly, gesturing to his Game of Thrones bottoms and the Friends t-shirt he’d stolen from Phil.

He feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment but shakes his head with a giggle. “No, I don’t want to embarrass you guys too much on your very first day with me.”

Jaiden smiles at him for this. “Don’t worry, you’re not embarrassing.” Dan barely has a moment to feel warmed by this comment before he continues. “You’re just kinda dumb, I reckon.”

Dan stares at him for a moment before bursting into giggles. “That’s fair, actually. Alright, you two just sit tight for a minute while I go change into something more socially acceptable.”

The twins mutter an agreement and he shakes his head in amusement as he makes his way down the hall. He can’t help but pull out his phone to text Phil about their conversation.

**_Dan: update: mia just roasted me for wearing pjs and then jai called me dumb u r missing an absolute annihilation_ **

**_Phil: omg_ **

**_Phil: At least you’re bonding with them thru being a total dork_ **

**_Dan: hey u r supposed to defend me and whatever mr. fiance_ **

**_Phil: sry sry want me to lie to them about you being cool?_ **

**_Dan: id appreciate it yea_ **

**_Phil: mm not sure I can do that but will try_ **

**_Dan: ty. U at work?_ **

**_Phil: Just walked in. Crisis mode with a performance by the vamps being cancelled?? Talk later :(_ **

Dan frowns at this but doesn’t respond, knowing that Phil just has a full plate as a producer at the BBC. Instead of dwelling on this and getting his feelings hurt, he finishes changing clothes and joins the twins in the kitchen. “Alright, who’s ready to go to the park and meet the neighborhood evil geese?”

~~~

The trip to the park is a success, unsurprisingly. The twins run around the lake and are fascinated with the geese; well, Jaiden is fascinated. It becomes very clear after a goose seems to show some interest in them that Amelia is absolutely terrified of the creatures. Dan’s completely endeared by this, of course, and he spends most of their morning adventures protecting her from the fowls every time one so much as looks at her.

Jaiden appears to be an animal enthusiast, and he shares plenty of random animal facts the whole time they’re walking through the park, entertaining Dan the whole time. He makes a mental note to tell Phil about this, knowing that animal facts would definitely be something for the two of them to bond over. By the time they’ve walked through the park and stopped at the playground area for about an hour, both kids are exhausted and ready to head back to the apartment.

Dan updates Phil sporadically through the day, mainly just to let him know that the kids are fine, and he hasn’t died from some sort of anxiety-induced attack. Phil is busy with the radio show, but he makes an effort to respond when he can. At one point after returning to the flat, Dan texts Phil to let him know they’d made it back safely and are having a late lunch. He makes sure to remind Phil to have lunch as well, knowing that he can get too caught up in his work if he’s not paying attention to the time.

**_Dan: back home. Does it count as lunch if its after 2 or is it like,,,, linner_ **

**_Dan: also make sure you eat something and drink water I know ur busy but if u don’t stay hydrated I will chop off ur hands_ **

It’s nearly half an hour later when Phil answers his texts, and Dan’s just finished cleaning up from their lunch and has sent the kids upstairs to the lounge to find something to watch. Dan smiles when he hears his phone ding, no doubt in his mind as to who it is texting him. The fact that he’s having a day full of new experiences without him kind of makes Dan crave his company more than usual.

**_Phil: Stop trying to make linner happen_ **

**_Phil: Also, terrifying to threaten someone into staying healthy, but I know your threats are empty so it can slide_ **

**_Dan: that wasn’t an empty threat, m8 I have a knife ready for chopping_ **

**_Phil: That’s creepy and probably a violation of the terms of our fostering_ **

**_Dan: I live life on the edge(of a knife) u cant stop me_ **

**_Phil: hm_ **

**_Dan: day still sucking?_ **

**_Phil: yeah_ **

**_Dan: :(_ **

**_Phil: :/_ **

Dan tries to think of something to say to make Phil feel better, but before he can, he hears footsteps stomping down the stairs and remembers he’s supposed to be joining the kids for a movie. Amelia appears in the hallway, a timid smile on her face. “Are you coming to watch with us?” She asks, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

He nods with a small smile. “Yep, let me grab the popcorn and I’ll be right there.” She nods at this before retreating back upstairs, giving him a minute to type out a response to Phil and fetch the popcorn from the microwave.

**_Dan: I know we said no junk food w kids but do you want dominos tonight_ **

**_Phil: :/ u know I cant turn down pizza when im feeling bad_ **

**_Dan: let me know when u leave work so I can order it to get here when u do_ **

**_Phil: ty bear_ **

The pet name makes Dan pause, his heart clenching uncomfortably. He wasn’t used to seeing it written out like that, and for some reason it seemed sweeter, almost more intimate, in a text. It had been a conscious decision for Phil to type it, and something about that makes Dan feel flushed. He shakes himself from overanalyzing a nickname he’d had for years when he hears the microwave beep obnoxiously. Now was not the time, or place, to feel any sort of confusion regarding that portion of his life, and he wasn’t about to sit here and panic over it for nothing.

So instead, he takes the popcorn upstairs and joins the kids while they watch Meet the Robinsons on Netflix, forcing his mind to focus on the zany movie the twins had picked instead of his haywire emotions.

~~~

Around four o’clock, Phil texts to let him know he’s leaving the radio station, so Dan goes ahead and orders the pizza. The kids are relatively predictable in that they want just plain cheese pizza, although Jai requests mushrooms on one side. Dan figures mushrooms are healthy enough, so he obliges. The pizza makes it there first, and Dan goes about spreading everything out in the lounge upstairs as they wait for Phil to get home.

They don’t have to wait long, as about five minutes later the door is opening and clicking shut, indicating Phil’s presence. The twins are sitting in the floor in front of the coffee table due to Dan’s anxiety about getting the couch greasy, but they didn’t seem to mind the picnic-style of eating dinner. In fact, they actually seemed to like the idea of watching a movie while they ate. He and Phil did it all the time before, but they’d mutually decided to have real dinners with the kids, to establish some form of routine. But this was a cheat day. Just today. They were allowed to have a day of cheating, and that day was today.

“Hey,” Phil sighs as he appears at the top of the stairs. Dan smiles up at him from where he’s sitting on the floor across from the twins, ripping the tops of the boxes off and putting everything out.

“Hi,” he responds, gesturing to their assortment of food on the table. “The feast awaits you, but you have to let me finish getting everything organized.”

Phil’s lip tugs up into a small smile at this, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks exhausted, Dan notices with a frown. His eyelids are drooping and his shoulders are slumped in a way they normally aren’t, and everything about him just screams “bad day at work.” It makes Dan feel a little guilty for the incredible day he’d had alone with the kids. “Definitely a feast worthy of the Queen, I’m sure.” His voice is teasing, but the joke doesn’t quite land with the exhaustion in his voice.

Dan shrugs at this, tossing the top of the nugget box off to the side with the others. “Probably not, but that’s fine. Why don’t you go change into pajamas and take your contacts out and we’ll all pick out a movie?”

There’s a flicker in Phil’s eye when Dan says this, a brief flash of emotion that Dan can’t decipher before it’s replaced by a grateful smile. “I’ll be right back.” He sends a smile to the twins before turning and retreating downstairs to change.

“Is he okay?” Amelia asks in a quiet murmur.

Dan glances over at her with an easy smile. “He’s just tired, sweetheart. He works at the BBC and sometimes things go wrong and he’s the one who has to take care of it.”

Amelia nods, a serious look on her face. “That sounds like a hard job.”

Nodding, Dan moves to stand up, handing each of them a plate to fill up with pizza, nuggets, and wedges. “It is. He’s got a really hard job. But he likes it, so I think it’s worth it.”

Jaiden begins picking up a slice of pizza as he speaks. “Do you like your job?”

Dan pauses, but not for long. “I do, actually, yeah.” He smiles, realizing that he’s being honest. When he’d first gotten into the career he wasn’t so sure he’d enjoy it and it was really just a job, but he actually did like his job a lot, most of the time, at least.

“I want to be a mermaid when I grow up,” Amelia announces then, popping a wedge into her mouth after speaking.

Unable to stop the grin that tugs at his lips, Dan steps over to the sofa to pick up the tv remote in an attempt to hide how funny he finds this. “Yeah?”

“Mhm. With purple hair.”

“You can’t just be a mermaid, stupid,” Jaiden chastises her.

Dan turns the TV on and flicks his gaze over to Jaiden. “Don’t call your sister stupid, please,” he tells him, barely even thinking before the gentle reprimand falls from his lips. It comes pretty naturally, surprisingly, and neither child act as if it surprises them.

“Okay, maybe I’ll just be a mermaid for Halloween,” Amelia negotiates, making a face at her brother as if daring him to argue. He doesn’t, and she smirks down at her pizza slice smugly.

Rolling his eyes at the sibling banter, Dan doesn’t even notice Phil has come back upstairs, too focused on flicking through Netflix for family movies. He nearly jumps when he feels Phil’s hand fall onto the small of his back. “Shit, you scared me,” he breathes, wincing when he realizes he’s just sworn in front of the kids. If they notice it, they don’t react, talking about what they want to be for Halloween now.

Phil gives him a half smile before he leans closer, dropping his forehead onto Dan’s shoulder. That stupid fluttery feeling is back in his chest, and he has to hold back an annoyed sigh. Of course it wasn’t Phil’s fault that he was so starved of attention that any sort of affection made his emotions go haywire. It was just the product of a relationship-less life, and Dan knew it.

“Thank you for ordering pizza,” Phil mumbles into Dan’s t-shirt.

Dan chuckles quietly, bringing a hand up to brush it through Phil’s quiff as he keeps his eyes trained on the screen, flicking through the recommended movies. “You’d do the same for me,” he replies easily, shrugging the gratitude off.

Phil doesn’t answer for a moment, but when he does it’s with a sigh as he pulls away. “You’re right.” He shoots him a smile before stepping toward the table to get some pizza and ask the kids how their day was. They tell him all about their trip to the park and the evil geese they saw, and he listens raptly to their stories. Dan sits on the sofa with a slice of pizza, watching with fondness as Phil takes a seat across the table from them as they talk. It was incredibly endearing to see Phil interact with the kids like this, fluttery feeling be damned.

After they’ve given him the full recap, he joins Dan on the sofa, sitting close enough that their thighs touch. Phil shifts a little so that he’s sort of leaning back against Dan’s side, which Dan allows with a small smile that Phil isn’t privy to. “What’re we watching, guys?” He asks, gesturing to the tv with the remote.

The kids bicker for a few minutes, but eventually they decide on Peter Rabbit. Dan really doesn’t care what they watch, as he’s more concerned about asking Phil how his day went. They shut off the lights, allowing a lamp to stay on so they can see well enough to eat, the film quickly taking the kids’ attention. Dan shifts just enough that he can murmur into Phil’s ear. “So, how was work? Other than it all going wrong?”

Phil shivers, a nearly imperceptible movement, but Dan can just barely feel it against his arm. “It was long. We had a meeting during lunch and then the show was just slow, and…“ he lets out a sigh, moving to put his paper plate down on the floor with Dan’s before shifting back and dropping his head to Dan’s shoulder with a sigh that rustles Dan’s thin shirt. “I don’t know, it was just a lot for a Wednesday.”

Dan hesitantly shifts, just enough that he can drop an arm across Phil’s shoulders, purely for the mutual comfort of human contact. Friendly human contact. “I’m sorry your day sucked, love.” The pet name falls out without his permission, and he freezes in fear of Phil being upset with him.

Instead, he doesn’t even seem to notice. “’S fine. Just glad that I’m home now.” He tilts his head to glance up at Dan. “Do you still want to move Mia’s bed tonight?”

“It can wait,” Dan replies, shaking his head. They would have plenty of time for that some other night, when Phil wasn’t so tired. “Something interesting happened today, though,” he says, quieter than before. His eyes dart to the twins to ensure that they’re not paying any attention to him.

Phil quirks an eyebrow at this. “Yeah? What happened?”

Dan shifts yet again, and this time Phil sits up, waiting patiently while Dan readjusts so that his legs are spread out a bit more comfortably and he’s not slouching at such an awkward angle. Without thought, he tugs on Phil’s shirt to pull him back to lean against his side, his arm returning to its position around his shoulders. “I heard them talking in the kitchen earlier, and they were talking about us having room for someone else.” He’s intentionally keeping his eyes trained on the kids for any sign that they’re listening, but he’s so hyperaware of Phil’s presence beside him that he doesn’t miss it when Phil moves to look up at him, a confused look on his face.

“What? Who were they talking about?” He whispers.

Dan shrugs at this, but before he gets the chance to respond, Amelia turns around to face them, holding up her cup. “Can I get some more apple juice?” She asks, looking a little nervous about asking. Dan nods, gently pushing Phil away to stand and go get her some more to drink.

Phil stares up at him, his eyebrows etched together in confusion. Dan gives a subtle shake of his head, figuring it’s probably best to postpone this conversation. “I’ll tell you later,” he promises, receiving a slow, confused nod in response as he turns to walk downstairs.

~~~

It turns out that “later” isn’t until they’ve sent the twins to bed and have walked downstairs to their own room. Phil crawls into bed as soon as he steps into the room, leaving Dan to turn off the light and pull the blinds shut. He plugs his phone up to the charger by his nightstand and takes his engagement band off before climbing into bed, sighing as he lays back on the pillow. It had been a long day, and honestly if he didn’t need to talk to Phil about the twins, he’d probably be asleep already.

Instead, he rolls over to face him, a small smile gracing his lips when he sees that Phil is already facing him. “Hi,” he hums.

Phil smiles tiredly at him. “Hi,” he echoes. “So, I guess we need to talk about earlier?”

Dan nods, shifting to tuck his arm under his head. “Well, all I was really going to tell you is that they were talking about us having room for someone else. They were talking about sharing a room, and then Jai said there’d be room for Levi. I just don’t know who exactly Levi is.”

“Do you think maybe it’s an imaginary friend?” Phil asks, rolling over onto his back.

After a moment of consideration, Dan shakes his head. “No. I mean, maybe, but Mia was acting like it was a real person.”

They lay there in silence for several moments before Phil gasps quietly. “Dan,” he whispers.

“What’s with the whispering?”

“Shh!” Phil reprimands. “What if… What if it’s a ghost or something? Like what if Jai befriended a ghost at their house and he wants it to come live here with us?”

The room is completely silence for the four seconds it takes Dan to process this, and then he’s bursting into laughter. “Phil,” he gasps. “That’s- oh my god, Phil. That’s the stupidest-”

“Don’t-” He grabs Dan’s shoulder and shakes it, indignant,” Don’t laugh, you- _you!_ You don’t know!”

Dan snorts rudely in his face before prying Phil’s fingers from his shoulders and turning over, exasperated.

“Dan!” Phil whines, prodding his back. “What if he told the ghost that it could come stay here? Can ghosts even leave their houses? How would it get here?” He sounds completely crazy, so obviously Dan isn’t sat there smiling like an idiot. He’s not.

“I don’t know, maybe he’ll take the tube, Phil.”

Phil splutters, and Dan giggles. “That is _not_ funny, Dan Howell.”

Dan rolls his eyes at the sound of his full name. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m just being cautious! You’ve seen The Conjuring! You know what scary little ghosties can do!”

If Dan didn’t know better, he’d think that Phil was scooting closer to him. He was probably imagining that, though. “Well, then I guess if it is a ghost it’s a good thing we’ll have an extra room for him.” He feels a sharp poke between his shoulder blades and he yelps. “Phil!”

“You’re mocking me!” Phil protests.

“I am,” Dan agrees easily, rolling over enough to make eye contact with his best friend. “And you’re keeping me awake. We can discuss the ghost in the morning.”

Phil groans, flopping back on his pillow. “Now I’m going to be thinking about creepy ghost children and I won’t be able to sleep,” he whines. Dan exhales deeply before rolling over, shoving Phil to do the same. “What if we unwittingly adopted the twins from The Shining? What if-“

“Shut up and get comfy, Lester.” Dan allows him a moment to lay his head on the pillow before scooting in closer and tossing an arm over Phil’s waist so that he’s in the position to spoon him. He presses his forehead against the back of Phil’s head and closes his eyes, trying to ignore how compromising this position might be with someone else, in any other situation.

“Are you-“

“Protecting you from creepy demon children? Sure. Now please, for the love of God, go to sleep,” Dan says, his breath fanning over the back of Phil’s neck, causing the older man to shiver a bit.

“Okay. Night, Dan,” Phil whispers.

Dan can’t be positive, because he’s nearly asleep, but he’s almost sure that he feels Phil grip his hand. But before he can move his hand to check, sleep pulls him under and he’s pulled into a dream of little kids with black hair and blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was a fun chapter to write/edit with Blue so I hope you guys enjoyed it!!


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil stumble into some unexpected issues with their foster situation.

Something Dan hadn’t originally anticipated about fostering children during the summer months was the fact that he’d be responsible for them for every hour of every day. Without school to keep them occupied for at least a few hours of the day, Dan was left to be on standby. It wasn’t like he minded or anything; this is what he’d wanted, after all. Some days were just rough, is all, especially considering he still had to work a few days every week. 

Working in education did have its perks, and in some ways summer break was a perfect example of one of those perks. However, he didn’t get the full break off like students. He, and the rest of the staff, still had to come in and work through logistical things and tidy up the school and prepare for the upcoming school year. Dan had prepared pretty well for the most part and had managed to get the majority of the work for the upcoming school year out of the way before the twins even moved in. Still, he did have to pop in a few days a week and help Louise with some things, and that’s where a few of the issues came up.

Dan really didn’t mind taking the kids with him on the days he went to work, and they assured him they didn’t mind playing quietly in his office or sometimes going into the teacher’s lounge with Louise’s daughter Darcy and playing games. But, some days he did wish that Phil had a more flexible schedule so that he wasn’t left with the kids on his own for such long lengths of time.

And eventually, when summer melted into autumn and he found himself spending more days at the school, he realized he was feeling like he was running on empty. Every day just bled into the other, and it felt like an endless routine of wake up, get the kids ready, take the kids to work, entertain the kids while working, and then take the kids home for their evening routine. As much as he was loving the decision he made, he felt a little like he might explode with all the stress of being their sole guardian most of the time. 

His issue with this reached its breaking point on a Thursday.

He had gotten up early and trudged through making a quick breakfast for himself and the twins before going to wake them up, making sure they were quiet enough not to wake Phil, who didn’t have to be up for work for another two hours. Dan, wonderful housemate he figured he was, left Phil a coffee cup out with the kettle still on. In his flurry to get the kids ready and make sure that everything was set out for Phil, however, Dan completely forgot to make himself any coffee, a fact which he didn’t even realize until he’d already gotten to the school with the twins. They were trying their best to be quiet and play in the corner, but he caught himself asking them to be quiet more than once, more annoyed with himself every time for how horrible he acted without caffeine this early in the day.

Not only that, but the school WiFi glitched at some point, erasing all the progress Dan had made on the file he’d been working on. He’d come ridiculously close to swearing very loudly, and only just caught himself when he noticed the twins watching. Rather than risk them seeing his slight meltdown, he gave them some money and sent them to the teacher’s lounge to fetch some snacks.

As soon as they were out of his office, he reached for his phone and dialed the only number he even considered as someone who he could shamelessly rant to.

“Hey, love,” Phil says when he answers the phone. Dan can hear muted voices in the background, and he can tell that Phil is likely in a room with his coworkers.

“I’m about to fucking die,” Dan announces in lieu of a hello. He lays his head down on his desk, balancing his phone on his ear that way.

There’s only a brief pause before Phil responds, his voice a little hesitant. “What’s happened? Are the kids okay?”

Bless him for thinking of the children first. It makes Dan’s heart do a weird flippy thing, but then he’s back to being annoyed about his shit day. “They’re fine. Bored out of their goddamn minds, I’m sure, but they’re okay. My day is just sucking.”

“Are they in there with you? You need to watch your language around them, Dan.” The reprimand isn’t harsh or said with any anger, but immediately, Dan feels a prickle of annoyance under his skin.

“No, they’re not in here with me right now. And I do watch my fucking language around them, thank you very much,” he snaps, sitting up and glaring down at his desk as if it’s personally offended him.

After a brief flash of silence, Phil sighs deeply. “You’re being really rude to me right now,” he informs Dan, trying to keep his voice level.

Dan is a little surprised that he’s so bluntly addressed it, but some sick part of him is thrilled that he’s being given a legitimate reason to be mad now. Arguing with Phil is definitely an excuse to be mad. “I’m not ‘being rude’,” at this point, Dan puts Phil on speaker just so that he can make air quotes at him, “I’m just having a bad day, and I _thought_ I could call and talk to you about it, considering you’re not the one parenting right now.” His words are scathing, but he doesn’t even stop to consider that Phil will likely take them to heart.

Phil’s quiet for a moment, and Dan can just imagine him sitting there, closing his eyes and trying his hardest not to get visibly upset since his coworkers are around. Even in his fit of annoyance, the image almost makes Dan smile. “Seriously?” His voice sounds full of disbelief. 

“Yes seriously. I’ve been basically full-time parenting and you’re only ever around in the evenings.” He knows he should keep his mouth shut. He knows Phil is at work and so is he. But he still says it because he also knows that that’s exactly what’s on his mind and he feels like he needs to say it at some point. 

Phil makes a huffing sound before speaking. “Look, I’m not arguing with you right now. We’re both at work. If you want to rant about your bad day you can but I’m not going to fight with you. We can have that conversation at home, Dan.” 

Dan wants to push him just because he’s feeling contrary, but he knows that Phil is right and they need to postpone it until later. He’s just not ready to verbally admit it, and his hands are shaking for some reason, behaving strangely, and then they- hang up the phone. Of their own accord. Shit.

Dan hadn’t even realized that the door was open, the twins standing there staring at him curiously. He swallows hard, trying to swallow the anxiety crawling up his throat and making it hard for him to breathe. They never- seriously, never- ended their calls so abrupt. And he knew he was at fault, and the guilt was settling heavy in his chest, his fingers twitching with the need to call him back, fix this. Instead, he forces himself to smile at the kids, asking them what they’d gotten from the vending machines. 

They’re sitting on the chairs in front of him, munching their crisps as Dan tries to work on retrieving the file, and the silence only gives Dan more time to think about how rude he’d been to Phil. He really was feeling the part of a housewife raising the kids on his own, but he really hadn’t meant to unload his anger about it right there on the phone. He knew he’d likely regret doing it later, and his stomach twists anxiously as he thinks about how hurt Phil probably was.

He’s tapping his fingers anxiously against the wood of his desk when he hears Amelia ask him a question. “Sorry?” He says, cringing at how his voice cracks. He clears his throat and raises his eyebrows at her questioningly.

Amelia points to his phone. “Was that Phil?” She asks curiously. 

Dan nods, brushing his fingers over his screen. “Yeah.”

“Were you guys fighting?” She asks, all the innocence of a six-year-old wrapped up in such a loaded question.

“Not exactly,” Dan says with a shrug. “We had a… Disagreement, I guess. And I think I hurt his feelings.” He stares at his screen, wishing it would light up with a text from Phil, saying that everything was okay and just erasing all of this.

“Oh,” Amelia says, glancing up at him from her bag of crisps. “So, are you going to tell him you’re sorry?” 

“What?” Dan asks, as if he hadn’t already thought of that.

Amelia shrugs, but before she can speak, Jaiden beats her to it. “We always have to apologize to each other when we hurt each other. Don’t adults have to do that too? Or are there different rules?” He asks, tilting his head curiously.

Dan swallows hard. So, this was apparently now a teaching moment, as well as an actual serious issue in his personal life. Great. “No, the rules are the same. Adults should say they’re sorry when they know they’re… not right.” 

“When they’re wrong,” Amelia supplies helpfully. 

Dan’s lips quirk up into a smirk. “Yes, when they’re wrong.”

“When _you’re_ wrong,” She specifies pointedly, raising her eyebrows at him. 

“Okay, okay, I get it, I’m going,” Dan grumbles, grabbing his phone and unlocking it. He honestly can’t believe he’s just been told off by a six-year-old but it honestly wasn’t that much of a surprise. 

Waiting for Phil to pick up is honestly a little nerve wracking, but when the ringing stops, Dan almost wishes it hadn’t. “Philip Lester,” the voice answers formally. 

Dan pauses. Phil never answered his personal calls like that, and Dan was pretty sure he had more than enough time to check the caller ID. “Hey, um… I wanted to tell you…” He trails off, unsure of how to say it. He catches Amelia’s gaze on him and his face flushes with embarrassment. He unsubtly spins his chair around to the side, dropping his voice to a whisper so the twins can’t hear him. “I’m sorry, for being an ass.” 

“Oh, Miss Gellar, that’s really generous of you to call us personally, but trust me, no apology is necessary.” Phil’s voice is still professional, and Dan wonders if he’s on another call at the same time or something. 

“Erm- Phil?” 

“Yes?” 

“Just- this is Dan. Not Sarah Michelle Gellar.” He’s still whispering, but he shoots a confused look over to the twins, who are trying and failing not to look like they’ve been caught eavesdropping. He lowers his voice even more and sinks further into his chair.

“Right. My apologies about the confusion,” Phil says, his voice deeper than it usually is when he talks to Dan. 

Dan still thinks this is a little odd, and Phil’s response definitely didn’t make any sense, but he decides to just try and say what he needed to say. “Oh, uh, okay. Well, I just wanted to say I’m, um, sorry. I shouldn’t have been rude to you.” 

“Well, Miss Gellar, like I said, no apology is necessary. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you- as a producer at the BBC you know, since that’s my responsibility. To, you know. Make sure that you and your- your team are taken care of.” 

“Um…” Dan suddenly realizes Phil is not alone, and even though he is the producer, his coworkers are probably not thrilled at their boss getting two personal calls on the job in one day. Dan nearly laughs at the idea that Phil’s pretending to have a phone call with the Buffy actress he fancies so much, but he manages to hold it in. “Right, well… I guess we need to just talk about this at home?” 

“Yes, we can discuss this at a later date, of course. And if you’d prefer, we could continue this conversation via text- I mean email, if that would be easier for you?” 

Dan nearly snorts. Subtly wasn’t Phil’s strong suit. “Sure, I’ll… I can text you.” 

“Great! It’s always a pleasure to speak with you, b- Miss Gellar. Drive home safe, er- I mean, if you’re driving. Just, you know, be careful. As a general rule.” 

There’s a small grin on Dan’s face as he plucks at the string unravelling on the arm of his chair. “I will. I’ll see you at home, yeah?” 

“Right. I love you- your work. I love your work. I’ll speak with you soon!” Dan is trying his hardest not to laugh: if he laughs, Phil will laugh and that would ruin this whole thing. He just hopes his coworkers don’t give him too much shit about this call. 

“Bye, Phil,” Dan says softly as he hangs up the call. 

~~~ 

By the time they actually leave the school, Dan is more than ready to just curl up in bed and go to sleep. But he knew that Phil likely wouldn’t be home yet, so he resigned himself to making dinner and watching the kids on his own for a couple more hours, at least until Phil gets home. It’s not like he hasn’t already done it a few times, because he definitely has been, all summer, but after their brief argument earlier he still feels a little more bitter about it than usual. 

“A little more bitter” doesn’t even cover his anger when he walks into the flat and hears the tv playing upstairs in the lounge, however. Dan is grinding his teeth as he sends the twins off to play and goes to drop his things off in the kitchen. The very idea that Phil was home and hadn’t bothered to let Dan know that he’d be home early absolutely pisses him off, and his blood is boiling as he makes his way upstairs to confront him about it. 

Phil is sat on the sofa when Dan stomps up the stairs, his eyes trained on his laptop instead of the tv, which is playing Buffy in the background. He’s wearing his glasses for once, and Dan notes that he’s still wearing jeans and a t-shirt, which is likely what he wore to work. He doesn’t seem to notice Dan at first, but when he does, he sends him a small smile, seemingly not realizing the anger that’s bubbling up in him. “Hey,” he says quietly, shifting to fully face Dan. 

“Yeah, what the fuck?” Dan seethes, crossing his arms. He doesn’t step any closer to the couch, instead choosing to keep his distance. 

Phil frowns, moving his laptop to the coffee table. “What?” He asks, dumbly. 

Dan rolls his eyes. He has the worst feeling, like he wants to just hit Phil for being so stupid and making him feel so angry over something that really isn’t even that big of a deal. “Nice for you to call and let me know you’d be home,” he says bitingly. 

The only way he can really describe Phil’s expression is completely confused. “Well, I live here, so.” He shrugs, stupidly. “I didn’t think I needed to call and tell you my every move.” His tone is joking but Dan doesn’t feel like laughing right now. 

Instead, he apparently feels like fighting. “How long have you even been home?” 

“I don’t know, like, an hour or so? What does it matter, Dan?” Phil moves to stand then, and that just fuels Dan’s desire to fight. 

Dan laughs without humor. “Nice,” he mutters. Shaking his head, he turns to head back downstairs. 

“Okay, what’s going on? What did I do?” Phil asks, following him downstairs. 

_Of course he doesn’t know._ Dan’s subconscious reminds him. And sure, he probably has next to no idea what exactly has set Dan off this time, but surely, he remembers enough of their earlier conversation to have some idea as to what it is. 

“Do you seriously see nothing wrong with this?” Dan snaps as he makes his way to the kitchen. “With me working and taking the kids with me, and basically being the full-time parent?” 

Phil stumbles into the kitchen after him, looking more surprised than he has any right to. “Wait, are you, like, serious about that? That wasn’t just something you were annoyed about because you were having a bad day earlier?” 

Dan scoffs at this. “Yes, I was serious about it.” He walks to the cupboard and pulls out a box of rice, setting it down on the counter a little too harshly.

“Okay,” Phil says slowly, watching Dan move around the kitchen with a cautious look on his face. “Well what we aren’t going to do is throw a fit and stomp around the kitchen like a five-year-old, Daniel.”

Hearing his full name sends a flood of heat to his cheeks, fueled by the annoyance he feels at Phil for acting like the perfect adult in the situation. “I’m not acting like a five-year-old,” he snaps, shooting a glare at his best friend.

Phil crosses his arms and leans back against the counter, his eyes following Dan as he sets a pot out on the stove after pouring the water in. “Do you want to talk about it? Or would you like for me to give you some more time to pout about it first?” There’s a smile tugging at his lips, and Dan _loathes_ it.

“I’d rather you not just blatantly make fun of me right now.” He pretends not to notice when Phil steps closer to him, instead waiting impatiently for the water to simmer. He feels like it should already be boiling, based on how hot his eyes feel looking at it.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says quietly. “I didn’t mean to be unkind.” Dan feels him bring his hands up to his back, and he tries very hard not to sigh when Phil begins pressing his fingers in, lightly massaging. “Talk to me, Dan. I can’t read your mind, you know.”

Stirring the water gives him something to do that isn’t thinking about Phil’s hands on his back, so he stares down at the ripples of water instead of answering straight away. Phil’s persistent, though, and doesn’t just drop his hands when Dan doesn’t answer immediately. “I watch the kids more than you do,” he eventually says, his voice quiet.

Phil pauses his movements, but hums and resumes them, bringing his hands up higher and closer to Dan’s shoulder blades. “You do,” he agrees. “But Dan… This was your idea, you know. I’m not saying it’s fair that you watch them more, but you can’t… you shouldn’t just get pissed at me. I can take them to work with me if you want? Like we can swap days on who takes them to work or something?”

Although his offer is genuine, and honestly a pretty good idea, something about Phil’s words make Dan’s skin prickle with annoyance. Maybe it’s something akin to guilt over the reminder that this whole fostering thing was his idea, maybe it’s something else. Either way, he finds himself leaning away from Phil’s hands, although the older man doesn’t seem to take the hint, his hands just trailing down to press against the small of Dan’s back.

Dan twists away, trying his hardest to get his point across. “Can you-“

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Phil’s hands fall away, and he sounds embarrassed.

“Don’t apologize,” Dan snaps, reaching for the rice and pouring it into the pot of boiling water.

They’re both silent for several minutes, and Dan’s starting to think that Phil is probably just going to leave him to his thoughts when he finally speaks again. “Do you want me to take them to work with me? At least on the days that you’re working?” He asks, moving to lean against the counter beside Dan.

He doesn’t mean to laugh, but the sarcastic huff falls from his lips before he gets the chance to stop it. “Could you even handle that? Watching two kids on your own?” 

He regrets it immediately, but Phil quips back, just as fast, “I reckon I could. It’s not like you’re an expert in the area yourself, Dan.”

Dan almost feels hurt by that, but he knows that’s completely unfair, considering what he’d just said. He shrugs, not meeting Phil’s eyes. He’s already started, might as well just keep throwing himself into this black hole of regret. “I may not be, but so far I’ve had a hell of a lot more practice than you. You’re barely ever even around them.”

“Huh,” Phil clicks his tongue thoughtfully, but Dan knows he’s only humoring him. He’s mad now, Dan can tell. He braces himself for whatever argument is likely to come. “Thanks a lot. It’s great to feel so appreciated, Dan. Thought you couldn’t do this without me?” Dan’s head snaps up at the choked sound of Phil’s voice, guilt immediately flooding him when he sees Phil staring determinedly at the wall on the other side of the kitchen, his jaw set differently than it had been five minutes before.

“Phil-“

Phil doesn’t let him finish. “It’s whatever.” He pushes away from the counter and makes his way to the office.

“I didn’t-“ Dan stops himself with a sigh. They needed time to cool off, and Dan knew that he couldn’t help things right now, especially since he knew he wasn’t feeling any less annoyed. He watches Phil leave the room, cringing when he closes the sliding door to the office slightly harder than was necessary.

With a groan, Dan slumps against the counter, forgetting the rice for now to just take a minute to feel like complete shit for his behavior. It was completely unnecessary, and he knew it. Maybe he should check in with his therapist soon. It had been a few months since he’d seen her, with everything that was going on, so maybe it was time for a visit to sort out all the nonsense in his head.

He’s mid-crisis when he hears the twins’ voices as they walk into the kitchen. He has just enough time to sit up and plaster a fake smile on his face before they step in, engaged in a conversation. Mia looks a little perplexed as she walks over to the table, glancing around as if she’s looking for something.

“Where’s Phil?” She asks innocently.

Dan cringes at the question. He didn’t want to be that parent that made the kids think that their parents were fighting, especially since he wasn’t even sure he could define their spat as that. Even though he and Phil weren’t their biological parents, it still hurt him to think that the kids were likely going to assume the worst from them if they weren’t on good terms, and that’s not the kind of impression he wanted them to have. 

“He’s in the office,” he answers her question with a nonchalant shrug. 

“Oh. Why?” She asks, curious as only kids are. He glances over at her, rolling his eyes when he sees that she’s pulled her feet up on the chair underneath her. He considers chastising her, but figures there’s no real point since they’re not even eating dinner yet. 

“He’s got some work to do, I guess.”

“Oh.” Mia shifts around in her seat for several moments before she eventually seems to get settled. Dan braces himself for whatever question she’s about to ask next, already assuming the worst. “What’s for dinner?” 

Dan can’t help but laugh at this, turning around to show her the pot of rice. “We’re having rice tonight.” 

The twins seem content with this and sit at the table chattering aimlessly as Dan moves around the kitchen preparing their dinner. He wants to go talk to Phil and resolve the issue they were having, but ultimately, he decides it was best to just finish preparing dinner and maybe go talk to him then. So, he listens to the twins chat at the table as he cooks, occasionally chiming in with a comment or two. Eventually he’s done cooking and prepares the kids a plate each and fetches them each a drink. 

“I’m going to go see if Phil’s joining us for dinner, but you guys go ahead and eat. I’ll be right back.” The twins barely pay him any attention, still chattering as they begin eating their dinner. He smiles at them before turning to go check on Phil, his stomach fluttering with nerves. He usually hated conflict and if that’s what was waiting for him on the other side of that door, he didn’t want it. 

But, he has to own up to his actions and the consequences they had, so he knocks on the door lightly before sliding it open. “Hey,” he calls softly, leaning against the door frame, a little uncertain about whether he should enter or not.

Phil glances up at him from the computer, his lips held in a thin line. “Hi.” 

His eyes seem to be avoiding Phil’s completely of their own accord. If shame was a laser, he would be shooting two holes in the wall above Phil’s left ear.

Dan gestures to the red chair they kept in the office at the end of the desk, silently asking if he can come in. Phil’s jaw shifts noticeably but he nods anyway. Closing the door quietly behind him, Dan takes a seat on the edge of the chair, staring down at his hands and fiddling with the engagement band nervously. “I’m sorry. For what I said earlier.” Dan takes a deep breath before shifting to look straight at Phil. “I was tired and upset, but I shouldn’t have said that to you. And I’m sorry I did.” 

There’s a beat of silence in which Phil just studies Dan, looking on the verge of anger. Without even hearing a response, Dan can already feel his eyes aching with hurt. He blinks quickly, shifting his gaze away to try and cover up his emotion. But of course, Phil notices. He always notices. 

“I’m not mad anymore,” he says quietly. “It was a dick move and you shouldn’t have said it, but I understand why you did. And you were right, so...” Phil trails off then, and Dan can only stare at him in surprise. Of course, he still thought he was right and the whole thing had been unfair up until that point, but he didn’t expect Phil to actually agree with him. 

Something about this tips Dan over the edge and he drops his head to his hands when he feels the tears falling from his eyes. He felt completely ridiculous to cry about it, but since when was it a surprise that he couldn’t keep a handle on his emotions? His arm swipes at the wetness under his eyes as a watery Phil stands up in his hazy peripheral vision. 

Phil takes a seat on the edge of the desk and before Dan even has a chance to apologize for crying, Phil’s wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into his chest. Dan releases a shaky breath as Phil’s hand comes up to card through his hair. “I’m sorry. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I don’t want to fight with you,” he whispers, bringing his own arms up around Phil’s waist. 

There’s a low rumble in Phil’s chest as if he’s laughing. Dan can’t say he finds the situation funny, but he was going to give Phil the benefit of the doubt here, considering Phil’s not the one who’s currently having a breakdown. “I know. I don’t want to fight with you either.” He’s speaking directly into Dan’s hair, but the words are just barely muffled. 

Dan shifts so that he can press his eyes into the sleeve of his own shirt, rather than ruin Phil’s with his crying. “I’m sorry I’m kind of a mess,” he says softly. 

Phil laughs out loud at this, pushing Dan’s curls off his forehead and pushing his head back to gain eye contact at the same time. His eyes are bright, and Dan feels that the worst of their arguing is likely over. “Kind of?” He teases. 

Rolling his eyes and disentangling his limbs from Phil, Dan sits back, smiling a little. “Kind of. Maybe a lot.” 

A soft smile is etched on Phil’s lips, and he shifts a bit closer to Dan. “We still need to talk about this, don’t we?” He asks, sounding resigned to it. 

“I think so, yeah. We should probably have dinner first, because I don’t think I have the energy to fight anymore without food.” He says it as a joke, but Phil’s mouth twists into a frown. 

“Are we going to fight more?” He quirks an eyebrow. 

Dan sighs and runs a hand down Phil’s thigh to squeeze his knee gently. “I don’t want to. But that doesn’t mean we won’t.”

Phil glances down at Dan’s hand on his knee and lets out a sound that’s somewhere between a sigh and a huff. “I’m done fighting with you, if I’m being honest. We need to figure some things out with the parenting thing, but I won’t fight with you about it.” His fingers come up to trace along the band on Dan’s left hand, his eyes following the movement. 

He feels a smile tugging at his lips and he splays his fingers out across Phil’s knee so the older man can lace his fingers through his. “Okay. So, no more fighting. We’ll talk about it like adults.” 

“Like proper adults,” Phil agrees, biting his tongue in a small smile. 

“But first, food.” Dan shoves at him gently to get off the chair and out of his way, and Phil rolls his eyes playfully at this.

“Since we’re not fighting anymore, remind me to show you a meme later,” Phil comments as Dan pulls the door to the office shut behind him.

Dan huffs out a quiet laugh at this, shaking his head fondly when Phil quirks an eyebrow in question. “Okay. You can show me your memes after dinner.” He rolls his eyes dramatically before handing Phil a bowl from the cupboard.

“Don’t mock me,” Phil pouts, moving to fill it up with rice. “I don’t actually have to share my memes with you, you know. I can keep them to myself.”

With a shrug, Dan steps around Phil to grab two spoons, dropping one into Phil’s bowl before he moves to sit at the table where he’d left his own bowl earlier. “Suit yourself,” he says, glancing at the twins, who are both almost done with their food at this point.

“Do you guys want to see my memes? I found some good animal ones,” Phil asks the kids, and both of them nod enthusiastically.

Phil reaches for his phone, but Dan clears his throat, stopping his movement. “Not at the table, please?” He asks rather than demands, imploring Phil to put the phone away with a quirk of his eyebrow.

An apologetic smile is on Phil’s lips, but he nods and tucks his phone away. “Yeah, yeah, sorry.” He turns to the twins then. “We don’t eat with our phones out, but I forgot,” he says with a shrug before launching into questions about how their day was.

Something warm flutters inside him at the fact that Phil respected the phone thing without argument or even really a conversation at all. He’d have to thank him for it later. But for now, he joins in the conversation, trying to keep the panicked thoughts of the conversation they’d be having later out of his mind.

The kids talk about their day and the snacks they had gotten from the vending machines at the school, and Phil listens raptly, conversing with them easily. It makes the guilt in Dan’s gut rear its ugly head; clearly Phil did know what he was doing, and it wasn’t fair to say that he didn’t just because Dan had taken the task of watching the kids for the full day upon himself. It wasn’t like they’d discussed it beforehand, but he’d just assumed he’d be the one to take them to work with him and Phil hadn’t argued. Now Dan is starting to understand how important that communication would have been for them if they’d just thought to actually talk about everything in the first place.

He doesn’t have long to stress over it, though, as everyone finishes their dinner and it’s time to send the kids off to take their baths and get to bed. Dan allows Phil to take over the process of making sure the kids have brushed their teeth after they’ve each taken a bath, which Phil seems more than happy to do. Taking advantage of the time he has alone, Dan cleans up the kitchen and makes sure the door to the patio is locked before heading to his bedroom. He’d go tell the kids goodnight whenever Phil came back. Which definitely wasn’t another way to avoid him and put off the conversation they needed to have. Of course it wasn’t.

“Kids are tucked in and waiting for you to tell them goodnight,” Phil says when he walks into their room a bit later. Dan is laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling contemplatively.

“Okay,” he mumbles before shoving his way off the bed. Phil settles himself on his own side, watching Dan as he leaves the room.

One good thing about the fact that the twins were now sharing a room was the fact that Dan only had to make one trip to say goodnight to them. When he walks in, they’re whispering across the room to each other, giggles piercing the silence. Dan just takes a moment to pause at the door, crossing his arms over his chest and grinning at the kids. “What’s so funny in here?” His voice is full of poorly-concealed laughter, but the twins both jump in surprise at the sound of his voice.

“Dan!” Amelia yells.

It’s almost 9pm. The neighbors might think he’s killing his children if they scream at this hour of the night. 

It’s almost strange how quickly they’ve come to feel like “his children”. Or it would be, if it didn’t feel so objectively _right_ to be with them day in day out. Everything with Phil aside, he can’t seem to remember what his life was like before.

He presses a finger to his lips. “You could deafen a fish right now, never mind our neighbors. Remember what we said about quiet time?”

“Sorry,” she says hastily, not looking particularly chastised. Then, innocently, “Did you come to tell us a story?”

Dan laughs softly, but shrugs, trying his best to brush off the moment they just had. “Sure, if you guys want one.” They didn’t always, but over the few weeks they’d been there, Dan had taken to offering a story every night when he tucked them in, usually after Phil had already gone to bed.

Jaiden sits up in his bed, leaning back against the headboard. “Can you tell us one about pirates?” He asks excitedly.

“Sure, bub.” Dan smiles as he moves over to sit on the edge of Jaiden’s bed. “Wanna come over here, Mia?”

The girl nods, scrambling out of her bed and over to Dan’s lap enthusiastically. Dan’s heart swells when she flops herself across his legs, waiting patiently for the story to begin. He hides his glee as he clears his throat, starting to spin a tale of pirates and magic and mermaids and horrible mocking parrots. The kids hang onto his every word, and Dan is almost as invested in the story as they are by the time he finishes it up.

“And that’s how Captain Susan saved the entire crew and all of the mermaids in the sea.”

Amelia yawns into his chest. “Good story,” she mumbles. Moments slide languidly past, and Dan feels as her breathing shifts from drifting to dreaming. He smiles down at her before he glances over at Jaiden, whose eyes are just barely open.

“You still awake, bub?” Dan whispers.

Jaiden tries to nod, but it’s clearly forced. “Mhm. ‘Nother story?”

Dan laughs quietly before shaking his head and moving to stand carefully, cradling Amelia’s tiny body to his chest as he carries her over to her bed. He tucks her in neatly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he moves back over to Jaiden. “I think it’s time for sleep, actually. I can tell you another story tomorrow, okay?”

“M’kay,” Jaiden mumbles, his eyes drifting shut. “Night.”

“Love you.” He looked asleep, but Dan could swear that he sees Jaiden’s lips twitch into a small smile.

After tucking the blanket up to cover his tiny arms, Dan leans down and presses a kiss to the child’s forehead. He can’t help but squeeze his eyes shut against the feeling of tears that are currently welling up, and he curses himself for being so sensitive and emotional.

He’s just stood up when he hears a voice from the door. “That was sweet. You’re sweet with them.”

Dan spins around, his heart beating rapidly until he realizes it’s just Phil. “Jesus, you scared me,” he mutters as he steps towards the door, to where Phil is stood casually leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed. Dan slips past him, gently pulling the door closed behind him after checking that the nightlight is shining.

Phil levels him with a soft look. “Sorry,” he murmurs. His eyes take on a different shade of blue in the shadows, and something about the color just seems to make him more approachable, warmer than Dan’s seen him in so long.

“I’m sorry,” Dan blurts out, unable to stop himself.

Phil spares a glance to the door to the twins’ bedroom, looking a little nervous that they might hear. “C’mon, we should go to bed,” he speaks quietly, gripping Dan’s elbow gently as he begins guiding him down the hall to their room.

Dan gently tugs his arm out of his grip. “No, I’d like to talk about what happened earlier.”

“We can, Dan, but we can do it in our room, yeah? C’mon.”

With a sheepish smile, Dan nods slowly before allowing Phil to guide him back into their room, his hand slipping from Dan’s wrist, only to fall to the small of his back. They’re silent as they enter the bedroom and crawl under the covers. Phil pauses before he lays down, tugging the band off his left hand and placing it onto his nightstand, along with his glasses. Dan flushes when he catches Phil’s gaze dropping to his own ring, quickly tugging it off and sliding it onto the tabletop beside him.

“So,” Phil sighs out, leaning back against the headboard rather than laying down. “Where should we start?”

Dan chews on his lip as he copies Phil’s position, pulling his knees close to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. “I almost wish we didn’t have to start anywhere,” he mutters bitterly, staring at the duvet cover with disdain.

Phil shrugs. “There’s a problem here, and we need to do something about that. So.” He leaves the word hanging in the air, clearly waiting for Dan to make some sort of decision.

With a sigh, Dan begins speaking quietly and quickly, trying to rush all his thoughts out at once. “I’m sorry I was an asshole. I don’t know why the hell I thought that would help, or why I thought it was okay. You’re doing your best, and I get that. I just…” he trails off, feeling at a loss for words.

They sit in tense silence for a moment, but then Dan feels a pressure on his leg. He glances down, seeing Phil’s hand gently stroking along his calf in a comforting motion. A few months ago, he might’ve been embarrassed at the affectionate gesture, or even just laughed it off, but tonight he’s not laughing. Tonight, he wishes there were more touches to lean into. 

“I don’t know what you’re feeling unless you try to describe it to me, Dan. And I… I want to understand what you’re feeling, and why you say and do the things you do. But, I can’t read your mind, Bear.” Phil speaks so softly, with such understanding and patience, that Dan feels a bit sick, dizzy and nauseous with guilt for ever accusing Phil of not being a good parental figure.

Without any thought to the consequence for the action, Dan twists to the side, pressing himself to Phil. He scoots down so that he can wrap his arms around Phil’s torso, burying his face in his chest. He needed the comfort of his best friend, and he needed to feel like he hadn’t completely fucked everything up already. “I’m sorry,” he breathes shakily, his head spinning. 

“Shh, Dan. Dan, listen to me. It’s okay. Yeah? We’re fine, we just need to figure out what to do to make this easier for us. I’m not angry.” As Phil speaks, he pets Dan’s hair gently, the motion just as soothing as his words, if not more so.

Dan tries for a laugh, to assert that he’s being silly, overreacting, and is abjectly horrified when all that comes out are a few traitorous tears and half a sob. “Sorry, sorry,” he flounders, still trying to shrug it off. “I don’t know why- “

Phil regards him fondly. “Stop apologizing for everything.” Dan’s not sure when Phil’s hands came to cradle his head, but he falls into the steady, warm touch, trying to refocus. The only thing he seems to be able to refocus on, however, is Phil’s mouth.

‘ _Stop that_ ,’ He chides himself sternly. ‘ _Now’s really not the moment. Tell him the important stuff, please_.’

“So-“ Dan pauses himself when Phil sends him a look. With a sheepish shrug, Dan turns his eyes to look down at Phil’s shirt, which, upon inspection, Dan realizes is his own space cat t-shirt. He can’t help a tiny smile at the fact that Phil has, once again, stolen his clothes, so he just rolls his eyes. “I felt like a single parent,” Dan mutters finally, after several moments of silence have passed.

“Sorry?” Phil responds, as if he hadn’t heard.

Dan clears his throat. “The past few weeks. I um… I’ve gotten used to sort of being on my own with the twins, and I… It sort of feels like I’m doing it alone.” The admission burns his throat, and he can tell it takes Phil by surprise.

“Oh,” the older man says eloquently. “So, like… You were well serious about most of what you said, then, huh?” He sounds offended.

“No, no, not most of it. Just… That, really. I said things I didn’t mean, but it was because I was stressed about that in particular.” Dan shifts so that he’s no longer resting his head against Phil’s chest, instead looking up at him. “I didn’t mean any of the other stuff I said to you,” he says firmly, holding Phil’s gaze as he says it, “And I’m really, really sorry.”

Phil hums at this, seeming to consider it. “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way,” he says, crushing Dan with sincerity. “I didn’t realize that was what it was like for you, to be the one here with them full time.”

Dan shrugs. “It’s not like I said anything about it sooner.”

“You should have.” Phil’s voice has a bit of an edge to it now, and suddenly Dan isn’t so sure that he’s as calm as he’d seemed.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says again, so softly. “But in my head, I just thought it was easier on both of us if I just kept doing it. I thought…” He inhales sharply as it really hits him why he’d been so reluctant to tell Phil. “I wanted to be able to say that I could do it without you. If, you know, you do change your mind or whatever… I wanna be able to say that I didn’t just completely fail, you know?”

Phil leans away from him then, a hurt expression on his face. “Do you want to do this on your own? Is that… Please tell me that’s not what you’re saying, Dan.” His voice wavers, and Dan’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“No! God, no. Fuck, _no_. Okay, no, I completely didn’t say that right. No, Phil. I don’t want to do this alone. I-“ his voice cracks, embarrassingly, and he quickly ducks his head down, pressing his face against Phil’s chest. He feels Phil stiffen underneath him, and it occurs to him that Phil probably would appreciate an explanation rather than cuddles right now. With a deep breath, Dan sits up, putting space between them.

“Care to elaborate, then?” Phil deadpans, looking confused, and a little annoyed.

Dan nods quickly. “I don’t want you to change your mind. I’d… I don’t know what I’d do if you did, but I’d really rather that you didn’t, okay? I just want to be prepared if you do, and I guess I felt like taking the majority of the responsibilities with the kids would just give me more practice. But, I don’t know, I guess since it’s been a couple months since they came to live with us, I’ve just realized that maybe… Maybe you’re not going to change your mind,” he breathes, struggling not to sound too hopeful.

He knows he’s failed just by the shift in Phil’s expression, emotion flooding over his face. “Come here, idiot,” he mumbles affectionately. Dan complies easily, scooting closer and allowing Phil to wrap his arms around his shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. So, you can loosen the reigns a little, and give me some credit. I may not be around them as much as you are, but,” Phil shrugs then, as if he isn’t sure he wants to elaborate. “I’m good at things too, you know. Not always the same things you’re good at, especially with the kids, but I’m not entirely useless.”

“I know-“ Dan begins to protest, but Phil just shakes his head.

“I wasn’t finished,” he reprimands gently. Dan immediately shuts his mouth. They’d been seriously lacking communication recently, he’d let Phil talk as much as he damn well pleased now. “I know I can’t take over everything that you do, but I can do things to help out, you know. Like, there are things I can do to make the load a little more even between us. We just need to figure out how to even it out. Together.”

Dan nods slowly, his cheeks heating up at the phrasing. Unfortunately, this circumstance was not anything like the dreams he’d once had about he and Phil’s future, so that little part of Dan needed to take a seat.

“I have a suggestion, as a starting point,” Dan whispers into Phil’s shirt a few moments later, when the silence has become too much for him to bear.

“Yeah?” Phil asks, petting Dan’s curls.

Dan chews on his bottom lip for a moment, tilting his head to the side to do so, allowing his cheek to press to Phil’s chest instead. Before he speaks, he feels a swipe of a finger against his lips. He glances up at Phil with wide eyes, having parted his lips at the feeling.

Phil’s face is closer than he’d realized, and his gaze is trained on Dan’s lips, a frown stretching across Phil’s own. “Quit chewing on your lips, you’re ruining them,” he chastises.

His face burning with embarrassment, Dan mutters something about it not mattering since he wasn’t using them for anything anyway. Phil dutifully ignores this. “My suggestion,” Dan diverts the conversation back to that, causing Phil to raise his eyebrows patiently. “I’d like it if you got up with us in the mornings. So, you know… We can have like breakfast together and stuff. You know. All of us.” He didn’t want to come right out and say it, but ever since he’d found out they’d be fostering two children right at the start, he’d imagined lots of family meals, and his heart just thrummed every time he thought about it.

“Sure,” Phil agrees easily, his hand coming up to brush Dan’s hair up off his forehead. Phil had a certain penchant for touching Dan’s hair, and tonight it seemed especially prominent. “I’m usually awake anyway, so that doesn’t sound too bad.”

Then, Dan’s definitely confused, because he knows that Phil is never up before he is. “No, you aren’t. You’re always still in bed when I leave with the kids.” Dan wouldn’t push the issue, but he’s almost certain he’s right about this. And if he’s not, Phil is certainly getting better at acting like he’s asleep.

“Well, I mean maybe not every morning,” Phil concedes. Dan smiles triumphantly, but his victory is short-lived. “But typically, most mornings, I’m awake after you start getting ready. I can hear you singing in the shower almost every morning, so I usually stay awake until you’re out of our room entirely, then I sleep until my alarm goes off,” Phil admits sheepishly, looking a little embarrassed to admit it.

Dan’s surprised, and also a little mortified that Phil hears his horrible attempts at singing in the mornings. Rather than apologize or try to joke about it, Dan immediately denies it. “I don’t… I do not sing in the shower!”

Phil grins at him. “Yes, you do,” he says gleefully. “You were singing Celine Dion this morning. It was actually kind of lovely, you’re getting much better.”

Now Dan’s positive his face is flaming. Huffing, he rolls over, turning away from Phil. “Shut up!” He whines, inexplicably embarrassed. Phil had heard him sing a thousand times, but something about the fact that he’d just admitted to actively listening made Dan’s stomach churn nervously.

Without warning, Dan feels a warm body pressed against his back. He squeaks, but that doesn’t stop Phil from tossing his arm over Dan’s waist. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, Bear. I won’t say anything else about your concerts anymore.”

Dan groans, hearing the smile in Phil’s voice. “Actually shut up, unless you want to sleep on the couch.”

Phil’s arms wind tighter around Dan, his breath coming out as a laugh against the back of Dan’s neck. “No!” He protests through his giggles. “I wanna sleep in here with you. I’ll behave, I promise.”

Dan ignores how coupley this feels in favor for elbowing Phil. “You’re crushing- my lungs,” he gasps, exaggerating his plight.

Another soft laugh, but Phil eventually gets settled so that they’re both comfortable in their cuddling position. It’d been occurring more often lately, this intertwined sleeping thing, but they typically weren’t so obvious about how they ended up in that position. Tonight, Phil didn’t seem to care to show affection, or to show that he wanted it, either.

Not that Dan minded, of course. He was perfectly fine with this. Cool as a cucumber.

“So, wake me up in the morning, yeah? If I don’t wake up on my own. I’ll make breakfast if you want, or help the kids get ready, or whatever you want me to do.” Phil promises from behind him, his voice low in their close proximity.

Dan tries to nod but stops himself in fear of smacking Phil in the face with his head. “Alright,” he says instead. “That’d be lovely, thank you.” He’s already slightly drifting off, but he’s almost positive he feels a pair of lips press to the base of his neck.

“Okay. We’ll sort out the rest tomorrow. Night, Bear.” Phil sounds just on the verge of sleep himself, unsurprisingly. They’d had quite a busy day, after all.

“Night,” Dan echoes before falling into a dreamless sleep.

~~~

School starts back mid-September, and by then, Dan and Phil had gotten into a routine with the kids. Dan still took them to work with him on the days that he worked, which increased the closer they got to the beginning of the academic year, but Phil had been consistently waking up to be with them in the mornings. Sometimes, he’d even silence Dan’s alarm and allow him to sleep in some while he got up and made breakfast and started getting the kids ready for the day. Dan especially enjoyed those days.

But now the beginning of school was on the horizon, and the house was a flurry of buying school supplies and sorting out schedules. With the kids in school, it would be much easier to take care of them, as they’d only have to watch them before and after school, as opposed to watching them while trying to work. He was beyond relieved for this, but also a little nervous, on the twins’ behalf. Starting at a new school was always scary, no matter how old you were, so he was more than a little worried about how they might adjust.

So, in an effort to minimize the grievances they might have about starting at a new school, Dan had spoiled them a bit when it came to buying their school supplies. Phil had been a little less than amused.

“Daniel,” Phil had called from the kitchen, sounding confused but also annoyed.

Cringing, Dan stood and opened the door to the office, leaning out the door and looking across their lounge to where Phil stood, staring at the array of shopping bags in bewilderment. “Oh, hi. Welcome home, babe.” The pet name slipped out without his conscious permission, but Phil didn’t seem phased by that.

No, his focus was still on the shopping bags. “What are these?” He asked, gesturing at them with a quirked eyebrow.

Dan pursed his lips, staring at the bags contemplatively. “They look like shopping bags,” he said, shrugging innocently.

Phil settled him with a deadpan look. “Clearly. But what do they contain? You went school shopping, yeah?”

Dan pretended to be surprised. “Oh, yeah! Yes, we did. That’s school supplies.” He nodded, as if that answers Phil’s question completely.

As he starts to pull the office door closed, Phil protested. “Dan! What-“ he rifled through the bag nearest to him, pulling out a pencil box with a look of confusion on his face. “What is this?”

Biting his lip, Dan shrugged. “A dinosaur pencil case?” he offered.

Phil stared at him. “A dinosaur pencil case,” he repeated. Dan nodded, and Phil returned to rifling through the bags. He huffed and pulled out several different things. “Crayons, colored pencils, _and_ markers? What the hell do they need all three for?” He demanded.

“For art class! They need different mediums to choose from to cultivate their artistic side!” Dan had explained hurriedly. He just hoped Phil stopped looking or else he’d find- oh no.

Out of one of the smallest bags on the table, Phil had pulled out Dan’s proudest purchase from the day’s shopping. He had known that it was a little silly, and that Phil would likely be a little annoyed, but he couldn’t help himself. They were just so cute!

Evidently, Phil doesn’t share this sentiment. He had stared at the boxes closely, his eyes not leaving them as he spoke. “Dan,” he’d said carefully. “What the hell are these?”

Dan chewed on his lip, contemplating not answering at all. “Mini first aid kits?” He finally responded when Phil’s gaze met his.

Phil let out a deep sigh through his nose. “And why the hell,” he paused. “Would our six-year-olds,” another pause. “Need them?”

After a brief pause, Dan answered. “They might, um… need a plaster?”

Sighing, Phil had put them back on the table and turned to face Dan with an unamused stare, crossing his arms. Dan couldn’t help but walk over to him, holding up the first aid kit so he could look at the back.

“Look, Phil,” he’d said in a sweet voice. “They have Trolls plasters. Trolls. I couldn’t just _not_ get them.”

Phil had stared at him, his lips in a straight line. “You could have bought them a single pack of Trolls plasters,” he deadpanned.

Dan had shaken his head, holding them closer. “But not _these_ Trolls plasters.”

After a brief stare-off, Phil had rolled his eyes and raised his hands in defeat. “Whatever, I don’t care. I said I’d let you do the school shopping. You did the school shopping.” He shrugged, tugging the box out of Dan’s hand and tossing it to the table before stepping closer and wrapping his arms around his waist. Dan had been a little surprised, but he’d hugged him back, resting his chin against Phil’s shoulder. Phil sighed, squeezing gently before pulling away a bit. “Wait, I gave you my card to go shopping.”

Panicked, Dan tugged himself closer to Phil, laughing awkwardly. “Yeah, you know, it’s fine, they have everything they need for school now, so-“ 

Phil twisted around to look at the bags on the table. “How much did you spend, Dan?” 

“Let’s not- what do you want to do for dinner?” 

~~~ 

A few days later, Phil had a day off work, and it just so happened that it was on a day that Dan really needed to go into work and help Louise with some administrative things. Despite the fact that they’d been sharing the load a whole lot more lately, Dan hadn’t left the twins alone with Phil for more than an hour or two. He was looking at probably a span of six hours that he’d be at work, leaving Phil to keep the children alive all by himself. To say that he was nervous was an understatement. 

“And they have their snacks and everything downstairs, but make sure you don’t let them have too many before dinner. The first aid kit should be in the bathroom, under the sink. Oh, and make sure you-” Dan’s instructions are interrupted by a heavy sigh from beside him. 

He glares at Phil, who’s giving him a bored look from where he’s sat on the sofa. “Dan, honestly, you need to just relax. Everything is fine, I promise. I’ve got this.” He smiles then, clearly trying to be reassuring. 

Dan wrings his hands anxiously. “Are you sure? I can- I can take them with me if you’re not sure. I don’t mind, and actually yeah, let’s-”

“Daniel, if you finish that sentence with anything other than a cheerful goodbye, I might have to smother you with a bath towel.” 

A little startled, Dan glances at Phil, chewing his lip contemplatively. “Goodbye?” He says, although it comes out as a question. 

Phil rolls his eyes before standing up, moving over to gently push Dan in the direction of the stairs. “Yes, goodbye, see you later. Be safe driving, I promise you we’ll be perfectly fine here. I’ll text you every hour and let you know how things are going, but if you don’t leave now, Louise might actually murder you when you get there.” 

Dan allows himself to be guided to the stairs, sighing deeply in defeat. “Every half hour?” He suggests hopefully. 

Phil settles him with a clearly unamused look. “Every hour,” he reiterates. 

“Fine,” Dan huffs. “But you better not kill my kids,” he says playfully, stopping and turning just enough to grin at Phil. 

The older man rolls his eyes. “Our kids,” he shoots back before leaning in and pecking Dan’s cheek. “Go, goodbye, you’ve got things to do, I have children to spoil.” 

“Do _not_ fill them with sugar, Philip Lester.” 

Phil sticks his tongue out at him as Dan starts down the stairs. “You’re not the boss of me, Howell. You’re just a co-manager.” 

“I’ll co-manage your mum,” Dan calls, grinning when he can hear Phil sputter, clearly offended. “Bye, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” 

“That doesn’t give me very many options, Dan!”

“Shut _up!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! Thank you so much for reading and supporting this story, throughout all the chaos that is the coronavirus I'm thriving off all the love I get in the comments, so thank you! <3 I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far! Let me know what you thought about this chapter!


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins have their first day of school and Dan and Phil learn some new information.

Surprisingly, Dan manages to get through a few hours of work without any serious incidents reported to him, but every chance he gets, he checks his phone for any new messages. Eventually, he opens it to find something he constitutes as a mild emergency and decides to take a break to give it his full attention.

**_Phil: So I have a tiny headache the twins will be fine if I go have a lie down for a bit yeah?_ **

**_Dan: are you feeling dizzy?_ **

**_Phil: Not really? Just tired and my eyes hurt._ **

**_Dan: take your contacts out and go have a nap_ **

**_Phil: Yeah?_ **

**_Dan: yeah they should be fine i hope you feel better_ **

**_Phil: :)_ **

He doesn’t text Phil back, his stomach twisting with nerves at the thought that Phil is there alone with the kids with a headache. He wasn’t so worried about him not being able to take care of the kids, but he was very concerned about the migraine. Phil’s doctor had already warned him to not overwork himself. Suddenly Dan starts wondering if he’s been putting too much of his own work on Phil.

Dan worries himself about this for the next half hour or so, but when his phone dings, he welcomes the distraction.

**_Phil: The kids are literally playing so loud. Like they’re perfectly fine but they’re in their room and they’re like SCREAMING_ **

**_Dan: just put in some headphones and drown them_ **

**_Dan: OUT drown them OUT_ **

**_Dan: Do not drown our children._ **

**_Phil: LMAO_ **

**_Phil: Stop making me laugh it’s making my head hurt more._ **

**_Dan: :( im sorry love. I’ll be home soon to take care of you_ **

**_Phil: Don’t be silly, I’m a grown man, I can take care of myself._ **

**_Dan: im going to pretend you didnt just try and pass up my servitude_ **

**_Dan: dont be noble or whatever you know i dont mind taking care of you_ **

**_Phil: I know. Thank you._ **

**_Dan: if you feel like getting up take some medicine and maybe put a movie on upstairs for the kids? I should be home in an hour_ **

**_Phil: Alright. See you later._ **

**_Dan: <3_ **

Dan hurries to finish the document he’s working on, and he’s out of the office within half an hour. He stops at a shop and grabs some chocolate and a pack of little marshmallows that Phil likes, mainly just to cheer him up, since it wasn’t a cure for a migraine by a longshot. He considers getting takeaway, but he knows they’ve already agreed to stop doing that so much, for the kids’ sake.

When he gets home, the flat is mostly quiet, only the soft sound of the TV drifting down the stairs. He toes his shoes off quietly before making his way to his bedroom, the door left slightly ajar. The light is off, but there’s a lump under the duvet in the form of his best friend. He can tell from his breathing and the tense set of his shoulders that he’s not asleep, as hard as he’s probably trying to do just that.

“Phil?” Dan murmurs, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed.

Phil rolls over, his eyes finding Dan in the darkness of the room. “Hey,” he rasps out. Dan studies him, frowning when he notes how red Phil’s eyes look.

“Did you take your contacts out?” He asks, his voice bordering on accusing.

“Yes.”

“Have you… Were you crying?” Dan asks softly.

Phil hesitates before shrugging, wincing a little at the movement. “My head just really hurts,” he breathes.

Dan’s heart squeezes painfully seeing the pain Phil is going through. “Oh, love,” he sighs. He stands up, moving towards the bathroom. “Hold on, let me get something.” He runs a cloth under hot water, squeezing the water out to use it as a hot compress. They really needed to invest in some of those, honestly. “Here,” he says softly, brushing Phil’s hair off his forehead and playing the towel gently over his forehead. “Wait right here, I’m going to get you some coffee.”

“I don’t really-”

“I know, babe, but you know it helps. You don’t have to drink all of it, yeah?”

He watches Phil’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “Okay,” he whispers, his eyes closing.

Dan hurries to the kitchen and quickly makes Phil a cup of coffee, racking his brain for anything else that might help him. He comes up short, so when the coffee is ready, he takes it back to their bedroom. “Sit up for me?” Phil follows his instructions and reaches out for the mug, his hands shaking more than usual. “I’ll hold it,” Dan mumbles.

After Phil’s sipped all he can handle, Dan allows him to lay back down. “I’m going to go check on the kids and I’ll be right back, okay?”

Surprising him, Phil shakes his head a little. “No, I just- I need to sleep,” he says pleadingly.

Dan hesitates, but nods uncertainly. “Okay. I’ll shut the door, then… But you have to text me if you need anything.”

“I will,” Phil agrees.

Nodding, Dan moves to leave the room, pausing when he hears Phil’s voice again. “Hm?”

“I said thank you.”

His heart melting, Dan walks back over and presses a kiss to Phil’s cheek. “Of course,” he murmurs. “Get some sleep, yeah?”

Phil only nods, his eyes closing again, his eyelashes fluttering. Dan hopes sleep finds him easily this time, and he really hopes he has the best dreams.

Dan finds his way upstairs and spends some time with the twins, who are very worried about Phil apparently. He assures them that he’s fine, and they watch a movie quietly before Dan heads back downstairs to start dinner and check on Phil. He stops in their room first, quietly opening the door and slipping inside.

“Phil?” He calls softly.

Phil doesn’t stir, and Dan quietly tiptoes over, finding the towel discarded on the floor. He notices that Phil’s coffee cup is a little emptier, which he takes as a good sign. He smiles a little, but what really warms him is when he studies Phil. He’s not on his own side of the bed this time. Instead, he’s migrated over to Dan’s and he’s got Dan’s pillow wrapped in his arms, his nose buried in the fabric. A tiny part of Dan wonders if feeling closer to him helped Phil sleep. He finds that he likes that idea quite a lot. However, it’s a stupid thought, and he discards it quickly.

He presses his hand gently to Phil’s forehead to check for a temperature. Luckily, he feels fine, maybe even a bit chilly. Dan tugs the duvet over him, making sure he doesn’t get cold. With another lingering look, he tiptoes out of the room to go make dinner for everyone, a secret grin on his lips.

~~~

The night before the first day of school was rough. For Dan, at least. The kids were surprisingly excited to be starting at such a good school, and Phil was excited that they were excited. Dan, however, was a bit of a nervous wreck. He knew there was no reason for him to be particularly nervous, but those first-day-of-school jitters had never left him for some reason, and even now that it wasn’t his first day at a new school, he still felt anxiety swelling up in his chest the night before.

“Could you turn your volume down a bit, love?” Phil mumbles from his spot on the bed beside Dan.

Dan startles a bit, not realizing that Phil was still awake and could hear the music he was playing on his phone. “Sorry,” he whispers back, turning the volume down a couple notches.

Phil hums and there’s a moment of quiet before there’s a shifting on the mattress, accompanied by a weight pressing down on Dan’s waist, in the form of Phil’s arm. “Are you going to sleep tonight?” Phil murmurs against the shell of Dan’s ear.

Shivering lightly at the brush of his lips, Dan shrugs. “Maybe. Can’t sleep right now. Too anxious.”

“Yeah?” Phil responds. “Wanna talk about it?”

Dan mulls it over before shrugging, unconsciously allowing his hand to fall to Phil’s arm, where he begins stroking gently. “I don’t want the kids to get bullied. I’m afraid that if anyone asks about their parents or their home life, they’ll tell them they’re living with us.”

Phil seems to pause to take this in. “And you don’t want anyone knowing that they live with us?” He sounds confused, and he has every right to, because Dan’s not quite sure that’s it, but he’s even less sure about how he wants to describe it.

“No, it’s not that, I just… I don’t want them to get made fun of, for us. Like, for having two dads? I know we aren’t- I don’t really know how to describe it.” Dan lets out a frustrated huff, his anxiety about the whole thing making it even harder to formulate a cohesive thought about it.

“I think I get it, Dan. You don’t want the kids to have to deal with those little homophobic twats that they’ll inevitably encounter. But, we can’t do anything about someone else’s kids and their homophobia, Dan. What we can do is raise ours to be compassionate and accepting, you know?” Phil strokes his thumb against Dan’s hipbone, lightly raking his t-shirt up with every stroke.

Completely without his permission, tears spring to Dan’s eyes, and he knows that he’s likely going to start sobbing if Phil doesn’t change the subject soon. Something else prickles at the back of his mind then, and he can’t help but stop the movement of his hand against Phil’s arm in contemplation. “You say “ours” an awful lot now,” he comments.

Phil stiffens, and his movement against Dan’s skin slows to a stop. “Is that a problem?” he asks cautiously.

Dan can feel his face heating up, and he ducks his head, pretending to be focused on his phone, where the Spotify app is still quietly playing music. “No… I like it. It makes me feel like we’re really a family.” The words are whispered, and Dan almost wishes he’d muffled them against his arm.

There’s a breath of quiet laughter then, followed by the feeling of Phil fully relaxing against Dan’s back. “We are.”

Dan turns off his Spotify playlist and locks his phone, tossing it onto his nightstand for the night. There’s a brief flare of uncertainty that Phil might not appreciate the closeness, but Dan pushes that thought away and presses himself back, snuggling into Phil’s warmth.

Phil hums, a content noise that resonates through Dan’s body in their closeness, and Dan smiles in response. “Night,” he whispers, closing his eyes.

“Night, bear.” There’s definitely a kiss pressed to the back of his head, but for once Dan doesn’t feel like he should pretend he didn’t notice. He doesn’t call him out on it, but when he feels Phil’s breathing evening up behind him, he tugs the hand Phil had settled on his waist, lifting it gently to press a kiss to his palm.

It’s nothing, he reminds himself firmly as he allows himself to drift to sleep. It was just a little selfish moment. Everyone is a little selfish once in awhile.

~~~

“Bear? It’s time to get up, come on, I made breakfast.” The voice was too close to Dan’s ear, and it made him whine in protest, squeezing his eyes shut tighter.

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbles, rolling over to speak into his pillow.

Phil laughs, and a second later Dan feels Phil’s hands carding through his hair. “Daniel,” he says firmly.

Dan groans, tilting his head enough to open one eye. Phil’s face is close, and there’s a soft sort of smile on his face. “Don’t use your dad voice on me.”

“My what?” Phil says through a laugh.

Rolling his eyes, Dan rolls over onto his back, tossing his head over to the side and pressing his forehead against Phil’s thigh. “You know. Your dad voice. That’s exactly how you talk to the kids when you’re pretending to be stern.” His voice is slightly muffled into Phil’s pajama pants, and he ignores the way that feels slightly inclined to press his lips to the flannel.

“I do not!” Phil protests, tugging on Dan’s curls.

“Ow,” Dan whines. “You do, but I’ll let you keep thinking that you don’t.”

Phil huffs loudly. “Whatever. It’s time to get up, the kids are already eating their breakfast, and you need to get up.”

“Ugh, fine.” Despite his half-assed agreement, Dan makes no move to get out of the bed. He thinks he’s gotten away with this when he feels the bed shifting with Phil’s weight, and he snuggles back into the blankets, allowing his eyes to drift shut.

“I’ve gotten the kids’ lunch- Dan!” Phil’s voice pitches up an octave, as he apparently realizes that Dan has yet to get out of bed.

“What? I’m going, I’m going,” He whines, rolling over to face the opposite way. “I just need… a few more minutes…”

“Daniel James, if you aren’t out of that bed in one minute, there will be consequences.” Phil’s voice is hard, and Dan can tell he’s likely getting annoyed, and maybe not in a joking way.

Grumbling under his breath, Dan rolls out of bed, coming to stand in front of Phil. “I’m up, don’t get your knickers in a wad.” He crosses his arms over his chest, which probably just proves how childish he’s being.

Phil tilts his head, a soft look in his eyes. “You’re…” He stops himself, and Dan arches an eyebrow.

“I’m what?”

Without so much as another word, Phil steps forward, wrapping an arm around Dan’s waist and pressing his lips to his forehead sweetly. “You’re being a brat, but I know you’re tired, so I’ll let you be grumpy. Pancakes are on the table.”

Dan doesn’t even have a moment to reply before Phil is stepping away, out the bedroom door as if he hadn’t spoken at all.

Shaking his head slowly, Dan makes his way over to the bathroom. After a quick wee, he washes his hands and makes his way to the kitchen, the scent of pancakes leading him in. He needs to shower, but pancakes are far more important to him right now, and he knows he should eat first anyway. The sound of voices makes him smile, especially when he recognizes Phil’s, telling the kids that they can go wild with the toppings.

“Don’t get them jacked up on sugar, Phil, we don’t want their poor teachers to have breakdowns on the first day of school,” Dan says, rolling his eyes as he enters the kitchen, bumping Phil’s hip as he goes over to the coffee pot.

Phil glances over at him, shrugging innocently. “I did nothing. I’m just an innocent bystander, honestly.”

Dan quirks a brow at him as he pours himself a cup of coffee, his gaze sliding over to the twins, who are both hiding smiles as they pile treats atop their pancakes. He shoots Phil a pointed look, and the older man’s face flushes. “Mhm,” Dan hums disbelievingly.

“Come on, Dan! It’s the first day of school! They deserve to have a good breakfast for that,” Phil protests, holding his hands together as if he’s praying. He puts on his best pitiful expression, clearly begging for mercy with his breakfast shenanigans.

Rolling his eyes at the ridiculous expression on his best friend’s face, Dan pushes past him, going to sit at the table. “Fine, but you have to do the dishes when we’re done.” At Phil’s answering pout, Dan shakes his head. “Nope, not gonna work. They’re going to be all sticky, and you’ve created this mess, bub.”

“Fine,” Phil sighs petulantly, dropping into the chair beside Dan. “I _guess_ I can do the dishes.”

Dan smiles sweetly. “I guess you can too. Now, let me see those marshmallows.”

After eating too much of a too-sweet breakfast, Dan sends the kids to get ready for school, calling after them to remember to brush their teeth and wash the syrup off their faces. He takes one glance at the state of the dining table and decides to take pity on Phil. Sighing, he begins gathering up all of their condiments and moving to go place them in the cupboards where they belong.

“Did you change your mind about the dishes by any chance?” Phil asks sweetly, smiling with his tongue poking between his teeth.

Dan rolls his eyes at the suggestion. “Nope. But if I don’t put these up, you’ll probably eat them as soon as I turn my back.”

Phil mumbles something that’s probably a protest, but Dan dutifully ignores him. “Can we do a family picture with the kids before they leave?” He asks suddenly, turning away from where he’d begun washing their dishes.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Dan replies slowly. “What made you think of that?” He asks softly, moving to place some of the sweets in a cupboard beside Phil. He stays there even after he’s closed the door, leaning his back against the counter and facing Phil, his arms crossed.

“I don’t know, I just…” Phil shrugs helplessly then, looking a little lost for whatever reason. “I want to remember those kinds of things, you know? Like, this is our first assignment, and I want to have memories of them when they go back home, or… wherever,” Phil’s voice drops off, and Dan can tell the idea bothers him just as much.

Pulse suddenly racing, Dan steps behind him, cautiously looping his arms around Phil’s waist and setting his chin on the older man’s shoulder. “I know it’s tough to think about them going home,” he whispers.

Inconveniently, his heart rate picks up further, jackhammering into the other man’s shoulder blades.

There’s a hand in his hair then, fingers threading through the curls. “It’s their first day of school with us,” Phil says helplessly. “I’m so excited for them, but...” His voice sounds froggy and snotty, and Dan has never related more.

“Yeah,” Dan breathes out softly.

Dan doesn’t let the hug linger. He extricates himself from Phil’s personal bubble and fusses with his hair instead of pulling him closer, holding him longer. Phil’s gaze darts to him for a moment, but he drops it back to the dishes in the sink. A glance at the clock confirms that he needs to hurry up and shower if he’s going to make it to work on time.  
“I have to shower, sorry.” He’s not sure what he’s apologizing for, other than for the firm set of Phil’s mouth as he putters with the dishware.

When he finishes showering, he hurries to get dressed so he can go put together lunch for himself and the kids, running through a mental list in his head of all the things he needed to remember to grab before he left. He’s a little more stressed than he’d anticipated, but he’s sure that when they’re in the car he’ll feel less nervous. He just needed to get everything together first, and then he’d be fine.

He stumbles into the kitchen as he tugs on a black sock, not paying attention to his surroundings. When he trips over his own foot, he’s fully prepared to go crashing to the floor and probably die or something, but before he can, he feels himself being caught.

“You need to slow down or you’re going to kill yourself,” Phil laughs, steadying him by his shoulders. It’s a completely different Phil than the one he had left in the kitchen twenty minutes before.

“I’m in a hurry!” Dan pulls the sock on with one final tug and hops deftly out of Phil’s lingering touch, headed for the twins’ lunchboxes.

Except they’ve vanished.

He stops, squinting at the empty space on the counter. He knew for a fact that he’d left them _right there_ , and now they were just… gone. What the hell?

He whirls around, his eyes flittering around the room as he struggles to locate them.

“Looking for something?” Phil asks.

“Yeah, the fucking-“ Dan pauses as he glances over at Phil, something in his voice striking his interest.

Phil rolls his eyes before shooting a pointed glance over at the edge of the table, where the lunchboxes were sitting neatly with the twins’ backpacks and Dan’s laptop bag.

“Oh,” Dan says slowly, a little confused. “Did you-?” He hesitates, looking over to Phil with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, I packed lunch. Yours too.” Phil nods back to the table then, and Dan’s gaze catches on the extra lunchbox on the table.

Dan’s inconvenient heart is warm. “Oh,” he repeats, sort of lost now that he has nothing to do. “Thank you.”

Phil grins at him. “I told you there were things I could do.”

Dan rolls his eyes at this, crossing his arms as Phil moves away from the refrigerator. “I never said you couldn’t,” Dan reminds him helpfully.

“Yeah, well,” Phil shrugs then. “Your mum,” he mutters, quite predictably.

Dan giggles, but before he can bant back, they hear the sound of feet running toward the kitchen. “No running in the house, guys!” Dan calls, smirking when the sound of the stampede quiets immediately. Phil rolls his eyes at this, but smiles broadly at the kids when they walk in. “Everyone ready for school?” He asks brightly, his optimism infectious.

The twins nod excitedly, and Amelia quickly moves to put her backpack on. “I’m ready to go!” She says excitedly.

“Hold on just a second, Mia, Dan and I want to get some pictures of you and your brother on your first day of school,” he says, gesturing for her to put her backpack back on the table.

“Where do you want them to stand?” Dan asks, moving to stand closer to Phil and handing him his phone that had been on the edge of the table.

“Hmm… Balcony, maybe? That would be a nice background,” Phil suggests, nodding to the patio behind them.

Dan nods, gesturing for the kids to go ahead of him. “Go stand beside the plant out there, that’ll look nice.” He ushers them over to it and positions them in front of it, straightening Jaiden’s little tie as he does. “There we go. Mia, did you brush your hair this morning?”

Amelia nods, running a hand through it to prove that it’s tangle-free. “Yes!”

“Good, I’ll spray some hairspray in it before we go- are they good, Phil?” Dan interrupts himself to ask, stepping back and studying their poses with a curious eye.

Phil nods, tugging on Dan’s shirt. “Yeah, now get out of the way a little,” he teases as he brings the phone up to snap some photos. “Alright, say school!”

The kids grin and say the word simultaneously, and Dan’s heart is filled with warmth at how genuinely excited they seem, though his stomach churned at the idea that their school experience might turn out like his. He reminds himself that things are different, times have changed and schools must be better. Hopefully he’s right.

“Alright, selfie time!” Phil announces, tugging on Dan’s arm to drag him over beside the children.

“What?” He asks, trying to hold his laughter in.

“I want pictures of all of us, too!” He rolls his eyes as if it’s the most obvious thing, but doesn’t give Dan any more time to protest, as he’s crouching down and holding the phone out. “Well come on, Dan we don’t have all day,” he says, gesturing for Dan to copy his pose.

A warm feeling floods his chest at the idea of this, these family pictures that really don’t even begin to showcase all that they had to go through to be in these children’s lives. He smiles for the camera, but he can feel the emotion welling up in his chest as he waits for Phil to give them another arbitrary word to say for the picture.

As soon as they’re finished with the pictures, Dan sends the kids to get their backpacks and lunchboxes, turning to look at Phil, who’s scrolling through the pictures with a smile. “Send me those?” He requests softly. Phil glances up at him, his lips falling into a smaller, more affectionate smile.

“Of course,” he replies. “C’mere.”

Before Dan can protest, Phil latches onto his shirt and tugs him closer, opening his camera app and holding his phone out. “What-” Dan starts, glancing between Phil and the phone.

“I wanted a selfie of just us,” Phil says in lieu of an explanation.

Dan is staring at the side of his head, ruining any chance of a good selfie probably, as he considers how genuinely sweet his best friend is. Uncomfortably aware of the camera on him, Dan leans forward, pressing his lips to Phil’s cheek. He hears the shutter of the camera, but he doesn’t even care, tilting his head to smile and flick out a peace sign at it for a proper selfie.

There’s another click before Phil drops his arm, tapping the photos to get a better look at them. A smile tugs at his lips as Dan watches his face. “These are good,” he says softly. He lingers on the first one a little longer than the second but locks his phone and clears his throat after a moment, locking eyes with Dan. “C’mon, time for school.” He leads the way back inside, disappearing down the hallway to allow Dan some space to get his things together.

A few moments later and Dan’s ready to go, and he walks down the hall to find the kids waiting beside the door, listening to Phil, who’s crouched in front of them and speaking quietly. Dan can’t catch his words at first, but when he gets closer he realizes that Phil is telling them what he packed for their lunch and what to do if they don’t understand something in class. “You can raise your hand if you don’t understand, or just wait and ask me or Dan when you get home, and we’ll try to explain, okay? Make sure to use good manners with all your teachers and find good kids to be friends with.”

Dan smiles at Phil as he stops to listen to him, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms as he watches the twins react to his words. Amelia nods eagerly, but Jaiden’s eyes flicker away from Phil and over to Dan mid-lecture, a little grin making its way onto his face. Phil seems to pick up on this, and he tosses a quick glance over his shoulder at Dan, an apologetic look on his face. “Don’t let me interrupt you,” Dan gestures for him to continue. “You’re giving them some solid advice, I’ll be quiet until you’re finished.”

Phil shakes his head and stands, bringing a hand up to the back of his neck and looking a little awkward. “No, I was finished, actually. Got your keys and your phone?” He asks, turning around to face Dan.

“Yeah, Dad, I’ve got all my stuff,” Dan rolls his eyes, giving the kids a cheeky grin as he speaks.

Phil gives Dan an unamused stare. “Alright, Smarty Pants,” he grumbles. “Have a good day at work, be careful driving.”

Dan nods in response and goes to open the door. “C’mon, kiddos, time for school.”

Jaiden turns to follow Dan, but Amelia immediately moves towards Phil. Dan almost calls her back before he realizes what she’s doing.

Phil looks up at Dan in shock as Amelia wraps her arms around his waist in a hug. “Bye, Phil, I hope you have a lovely day,” she says sweetly.

An odd look covers Phil’s face as he looks down at her, and Dan almost worries that he might start crying. But then he’s grinning and petting her hair affectionately. “I’ll be fine, Mia, I’ve got to go to work later too, you know.”

Amelia nods at this and lets go of him, and Dan watches in mild surprise as Jaiden takes her place. He’d seemed the less affectionate of the two of them. Still, Jaiden seems completely comfortable going over to give Phil a hug in the same manner as his sister had, squeezing Phil tightly with a small smile. “Bye Phil, see you later.”

“Bye guys, love you, have a good day,” Phil calls after them as they move past Dan and out the door, his eyes catching Dan’s gaze. His face appears a little pinker, and Dan wonders if it has anything to do with the likely incredibly fond look that he’s shooting him right now. “What?” He says defensively, the color on his cheeks darkening when Dan only smirks.

“Nothing,” Dan sings, shaking his head as he moves out the door. “You’re just being a good dad and I’m proud of you,” he admits more quietly, the grin on his face softening into a genuine smile.

Phil rolls his eyes at this, but Dan can tell he’s fighting a smile. “Go, before you’re late.” He shoves Dan’s shoulder gently, moving him out the door faster.

“I’m going, I’m going. See you later.”

“Text me when you get to work,” is the last thing Phil says before closing the door behind Dan.

The twins are standing patiently, and Amelia has a toothy grin on her face. “What?” He asks her somewhat defensively, a little embarrassed at the playful scene they’d just witnessed.

Amelia only shrugs then, holding her hand out for Dan to take like he normally does to lead them to the garage. “You’re bein’ a good dad too,” she says simply, holding her other hand out for Jaiden, although he just shoves it away. Amelia frowns and moves to grab his hand anyway, and he slaps her hand this time.

“Jai, don’t hit your sister,” Dan says half-heartedly, his heart still jumping at the sweet thing she’d just said to him.

Jaiden reluctantly takes his sister’s hand, and a smile lights up her face as they move into the elevator. Dan allows her to press the button for the garage, watching with amusement at the relief that floods Jaiden’s face when she drops his hand. Sneakily, he moves around to Dan’s other side, tucking his hands into his pockets. He shoots a glance up at Dan and gives him a sheepish look, but Dan only winks at him. He understood the need for personal space, and honestly they were big enough not to need to hold his hand walking from the elevator to the car in a secluded parking garage, anyway.

The drive to the school is full of excited chatter from the backseat, and Dan tunes out of their conversation for the most part, spending most of his mental energy on running through a mental list of things he needed to do when he got to work, as well as thinking about where he needed to take the twins when he got them to their building. It seems like the drive was way too short by the time they get to the primary school, and Dan’s stomach churns with nerves for the children as he sees all the other parents leading their kids in. He hopes and prays that they’re okay today, and he hopes his wishes are heard by someone, somewhere.

“Are you two going to be embarrassed if I walk you inside?” Dan asks, hoping they say no.

Luck must be on his side, because both of them shake their heads before insisting they want him to walk them inside. This time, he makes both of them take one of his hands to walk them inside, talking quietly about how much fun they’re going to have and how he can’t wait to hear all about their day when they get home. “And I’ll be here waiting for you guys as soon as school’s over, okay? And you can tell me all about your day and what you did, alright?”

The twins both nod and mumble their affirmatives, but Dan can tell they’re getting antsy and ready to go. Out of the corner of his eye, Dan sees Esme, the counselor of the primary school. He smiles at her, and she responds with a wave as she makes her way over.

“Dan Howell! I thought that was you, but I wasn’t so sure. I almost forgot that you had two little ones in school this year!” She says pleasantly, smiling broadly at the twins.

“Yep, this is Amelia and Jaiden,” he tells her, nodding to each of them as he says their names.

Esme crouches down and smiles at them. “I’m Miss Esme. I’m the counselor here, and an old friend of Mr. Howell’s.” She winks at Dan then, and he tries to hide a grimace as his stomach churns uncomfortably. He’d almost forgotten the reason he didn’t care much for her, but there it was, the blatant flirtation, despite the fact that she was at work.

The twins move slightly closer to Dan, a little shy about a new person he was sure. He tries to smile apologetically at Esme. “They’re just a little shy at first. They’re very excited to meet their teachers, though,” He informs her, squeezing their little hands reassuringly. He hopes they know that they’re safe here, and he really hopes he’s not wrong about assuming that.

“Oh, I bet! Well, I can take them, if you’re off to work?” She says helpfully, standing up and smiling at Dan. Without giving him a chance to respond, she reaches up and runs a hand down his arm, leaning in a little closer. “I know you’ve probably got a lot to do.”

Dan forces a smile onto his face. “No, thank you.”

“No, really! It’s no problem, I’m sure you don’t have time to go get their schedules and find their classrooms and everything. Believe me, I get it, single parenting and everything, and the first day of school is always just the worst,” Esme smiles knowingly, probably assuming that she’s doing him a favor. She holds her hands out as if to take the twins’ hands, but they shrink back closer to him. If she notices this, she doesn’t respond to it.

“No, actually-“ Dan realizes something then as he replays her wording over in his head again. She must have no idea that he’s not a single parent. The idea that she’s just assuming he’s still single is for some reason hilarious to him even though technically, secretly, it’s true. “My fiancé and I got their schedules and everything early and we’ve actually already memorized them, so I think we’re good, actually.” He tries not to sound smug, he really does.

Esme’s face falls at his words, and Dan watches in amusement as she seems to process what exactly this means. “Oh, your… Oh.” She says, deflating.

“Yeah, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to go ahead and take them to their class, but it was great to catch up with you!” Dan nods to her as he begins leading the twins away. “See you later!” He calls as he leads them down the corridor.

“Does she like you?” Amelia asks almost as soon as they’re out of earshot of the woman.

Dan shushes her gently before shrugging. “I don’t know,” He lies. He did know, she’d been flirting with him for years, and had asked him out more than once. He’d always politely declined. There was nothing wrong with her, of course, she was a beautiful, smart woman. Dan just never felt anything for her, and he didn’t want to lead her on or anything. A small part of him is relieved that now he has a valid excuse to get her to go away now, but an even bigger part of him is just weirdly pleased that he gets to claim Phil somehow, even though he knows it isn’t real.

“I think she likes you,” Jaiden chimes in, looking up at Dan with a funny look on his face. “Do you like her too?”

Dan’s mouth drops open at the question, more than a little surprised by it. “What? No, I don’t- I’m engaged to Phil, guys. Do you know what that means?” Amelia shrugs after a moment of consideration, and Jaiden shakes his head. Dan swallows down the bitter taste in his mouth at the lie he’s about to spin to these children. “It means someday we’re going to get married.” His throat burns with the lie, but he chokes it out in spite of himself. “So, no, I don’t like Esme.”

“You like Phil?” Amelia asks, as if she’s just double checking.

Dan nods, hoping this conversation comes to an end soon. “Yep. Just Phil.”

“Huh,” Amelia hums. “Can we go to the park after school?” She asks when they reach the classroom door, completely changing the subject.

Dan lets out a loud laugh at this, not surprised that her child attention-span didn’t want to linger on the whole Phil situation. He wasn’t sure how much more convincingly he could lie about that. “We’ll see, okay? You guys be good today for your teachers, and be nice to the other kids, okay? I know you will, so I don’t even have to say it, but I want you guys to have a good day and tell me all about it after school.” Both of them give him a hug then, and he doesn’t bother hiding his grin. “I love you guys, I’ll see you in just a few hours, yeah?”

“Bye!” Amelia chirps as she skips into the classroom, much more of a social butterfly than her brother.

Jaiden pauses, looking a little more apprehensive. Dan crouches down beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to be fine, little man. Your sister is going to be right there with you today, yeah? Everything’s okay.” He speaks softly, hoping that none of the kids passing by can hear their conversation. Kids weren’t all bad, but some of them were evil little shits that could practically smell fear, and he didn’t want them to use that against Jaiden.

“Okay,” Jaiden says softly, tugging his backpack strap further up his shoulder. “And you’ll be here when we’re done with school later?” He asks, turning his big brown eyes up at Dan, looking hopeful.

“Yes sir, I’ll be waiting right outside with the other mummies and daddies, okay?”

Jaiden nods and quickly steps closer to Dan, throwing his arms around his neck and giving him a big hug. “Bye, Dan.”

“Love you, bub.” Dan can’t help how choked up he sounds, and he just hopes that Jaiden doesn’t notice.

Stepping away with a wave, Jaiden goes to find his sister in the sea of children already in the classroom.

As Dan walks back to his car, he tugs his phone out of his pocket to send a text to Phil.

**_Dan: im really loving the whole dad thing rn we’ve got good kids_ **

**_Phil: The best :)_ **

**_Dan: is it pretentious to say I think we’re doing a good job_ **

**_Phil: Nah we’re killing it_ **

**_Dan: yh we are_ **

**_Phil: Quit texting and driving Howell_ **

**_Dan: not_ **

**_Phil: Lies and slander. Be careful pls_ **

Dan puts his phone into his pocket and the key into the ignition.

He waits until he’s actually in his own office to respond to the text, and he can’t quit smiling at the feeling filling up his chest. Not that he had been specifically miserable or anything lately, but this feeling was great, and he wanted to relish in it.

**_Dan: k dad im at work now u can quit having a fit about my texting and driving_ **

**_Phil: Good. I hope you have a good day_ **

**_Phil: Oh! Check your lunchbox! ;)_ **

Dan falters a little at the winky emoji, something they didn’t often use in their chats, at least not unironically. He’s a little nervous to open the little container, but he does anyway, cautious in case it’s a prank thing.

Instead, he’s surprised to see a little post-it note on the lid of the container. He pulls it off to get a better look and his heart feels fuller as he grins down at the ridiculous doodle Phil had drawn. It’s an (admittedly horrible) doodle of a rat, and above it in Phil’s horrible handwriting, he’s written Dan a little note.

_Have a g(r)e(at) day! Xx_

Dan can’t help the giggles that fall out at the stupidity of it, but he can’t help but grin. It’s such a Phil thing to do. He tucks it into his top desk drawer, cleaning out a little corner for it before pulling out his phone to text Phil again.

**_Dan: r u kidding_ **

**_Phil: Did you like it?_ **

**_Dan: it’s horrible_ **

**_Dan: i love it_ **

**_Phil: :)_ **

**_Dan: Did you do one for the twins too?_ **

**_Phil: Yes!_ **

**_Phil: Well, theirs are nicer, I drew Jai a pigeon and Mia a mermaid_ **

**_Dan: you’re an actual twelve year old_ **

**_Phil: In that case, you should probably be arrested_ **

**_Dan: shut up, im working_ **

**_Phil: No you aren’t you’re texting me_ **

**_Dan: go awayyy_ **

**_Phil: :)_ **

~~~

The first day of school was a success, if the twins’ excited chattering on the way home is anything to go by. Amelia talks incessantly about how Louise’s oldest daughter Darcy is in the same class as them and Jaiden contributes with his own stories about how he sits next to a boy who likes the same dinosaurs as him. He’s sure to inform Dan that he knows more about them than the other boy, but he promises to teach him everything he knows about them.

“So, did you guys like your teacher?” He asks when they’ve pulled into the parking garage of the apartment.

“Yeah!” Amelia nods eagerly. “Mrs. Evans is really nice!”

“Yeah? That’s great!” Dan smiles as he glances back at them through the rearview mirror. “Jai-bird? What do you think about her?”

Jaiden shrugs. “She’s nice but she asked everyone to go ‘round and share something about ourselves with the class and I didn’t like it.”

Dan bites his lip to hide his smirk. He’s honestly still a little shocked at how similar Jaiden is to himself and Phil, and it honestly just makes his heart swell with a weird sense of pride. He isn’t biologically theirs, but he might as well be, considering how similar he is to them. “Yeah? What’d you guys share?” He asks curiously, turning the car off and getting out.

Jaiden, who had been sat behind him, tumbles out of the car, hiking his backpack up on his shoulders as they walk around to Amelia’s side. “I told them I liked pigeons, and then I told them that sometimes we feed them after dinner.”

Dan’s heart flutters at this, and the part of him that’s still overly concerned with homophobic little kids wonders if Jaiden had said anything about the whole “two dads” thing. He sort of hopes he hadn’t, because he knew how mean kids could be. Instead, he just glances down at him with a smile. “Yeah?”

Jaiden nods, then gestures vaguely to Amelia. “Mia said something stupid for hers.”

Amelia pouts at this. “Did not!” She argues.

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did-“

“That’s enough,” Dan says over them, leading them into the elevator and holding Amelia back so Jaiden could press the button this time. “What did you share, Mia?”

“I told them I wanted to be a mermaid princess when I grow up,” She announces proudly, sticking her tongue out at Jaiden when he rolls his eyes at her.

“Well that’s not stupid!” Dan tries to say encouragingly. “Mermaids are pretty cool, and princesses are just like queens!”

Amelia looks up at him with a pitying smile on her face. “No, they aren’t, Dan. Queens have to do all this work, but princesses just get to have fun and be rich.”

Dan can’t help the snort that falls from his nose at this information, although he does try to cover it up with a cough. They’re at the door to the flat now, so Dan releases her hand to unlock the door. “Oh, sorry. I don’t know a lot about princesses I guess.”

The six-year-old only pats his hand sweetly. “It’s okay, you’re only a boy, you don’t get to know everything.” She gives him a charming smile as she dances past him and into the flat, kicking her shoes off and dumping her backpack by the shoe rack.

Dan stares at her for a moment before his gaze darts to Jaiden. Jaiden doesn’t even look surprised, and he only shrugs at him before following his sister. “It’s okay, Dan. Even grown-ups don’t know all the stuff,” he says reassuringly, leaving Dan alone to just stare in shock at the both of them.

He doesn’t even have a comeback, following them in and locking the door behind himself. He shakes his head incredulously, laughing softly to himself as he shoves his trainers off, straightening them up on the shoe rack neatly. “Do you guys have homework?” He calls to where they’ve disappeared into their room.

“No,” they call back in almost unison.

Dan rolls his eyes as he picks their backpacks up off the floor, hanging them on their little hooks neatly. He’d lecture them about that another day. He grabs their lunchboxes and takes them into the kitchen with his own, dropping them onto the counter to sort through the things they hadn’t eaten. Both lunchboxes are nearly empty, although Amelia still had a pack of fruit gummies and a pack of crackers, while Jaiden only left the crackers. That had been a shot in the dark, honestly, but Dan smiles to himself when he realizes that neither of them must like that kind.

After emptying them of any wrappers and the crackers, Dan sets them back on the counter where he’d left them last night to be repacked in the morning. “Do you guys want any snacks?” He calls, moving to the cupboard to grab a glass for some water. After filling it up, he realizes he hasn’t heard a response. “Guys?” He asks. Again, no response.

He sets the glass down before moving down the hall to where their room is, slowing his steps when he hears what sounds like a quiet argument. He doesn’t intend to eavesdrop, really, he doesn’t, but when he hears the name Levi pop up once again, he can’t help but stop to listen.

“Of course, he wasn’t at our school, idiot! He’s in _secondary_ school,” Dan hears Amelia hiss. He frowns, trying to figure out who this Levi person is to them.

“Then maybe he’s at the other school!” Jaiden argues back.

“Who cares?” Amelia responds, and Dan hears the sound of the mattress squeaking as she climbs onto her bed. “We won’t see him anymore, Jai.”

Jaiden makes a huffing noise, and Dan hears what sounds like something hitting the wall. Mia responds with an indignant yelp, and Dan hopes he hadn’t just thrown something at his sister. “It’s not his fault, you know,” Jaiden’s voice is quieter this time, and Dan finds himself inching closer to catch his words.

“I don’t care,” Amelia snaps. “If he hadn’t called those people, we’d still be with mummy and daddy!”

Dan’s heart begins beating rapidly then, and he suddenly has a feeling that this Levi person must be close to them, if he’s apparently the reason they were separated from their family. Dan swallows hard at the memory of Hazel giving him what little information she could about why they were taken away. Drugs and an unstable financial situation: that was basically all that Dan had been privy to. Hazel herself hadn’t been very educated on the case, considering it had been transferred to her from a separate fostering organization.

“They don’t care about us!” Jaiden yells back at his sister.

She shushes him loudly at his words, and then denies it. “That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is, Amelia. Levi was trying to help! Mummy and Daddy were mean to him!”

Dan doesn’t have to see her face to tell that Amelia is in tears when she responds. “No. No, no. They- Mummy was sick!”

Jaiden huffs again. “No. Levi told us she wasn’t really sick.”

“He left us!” Amelia raises her voice. “He left us, and then those people took us away.”

Whatever Jaiden’s response was going to be, Dan doesn’t figure out, because then his phone is ringing in his pocket, and the kids go silent. Dan startles at the noise himself before moving back down the hall a little and acting like he was walking out of his bedroom as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Do you guys still want to go to the park?” He calls, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

The twins respond with an affirmative, and he silences his phone when he sees that it’s his mum. He could call her back later, when he had more time and wasn’t on parenting duty. It had been awkward talking to her since he started fostering the twins, but when he’d asked Phil if he was experiencing the same with his mum, he’d denied it. Apparently since Kath was under the impression that they were actually together, she was a lot less bothered by the idea that they were basically raising a family together.

Dan tries not to feel queasy at the implications that has.

Just as they walk out the door, Dan’s phone buzzes with a new message. He wrestles the phone out of his skintight jeans, smiling down at it when he sees the message there.

**_Phil: I saw a video of a baby bear eating trash today._ **

**_Dan: okay?_ **

**_Phil: It reminded me of you :) <3_ **

**_Dan: I hate you_ **

**_Phil: Rude!_ **

**_Dan: you know im kidding_ **

**_Phil: I know <3 _ **

**_Dan: quit being gross_ **

**_Phil: :( Fine I’ll take my affection to my other fake fiancé._ **

**_Dan: ouch_ **

**_Dan: also more on the levi thing_ **

**_Phil: oh shit was I right?? It’s a ghost isn’t it?_ **

**_Dan: no you spoon_ **

**_Phil: then??_ **

**_Dan: I’ll tell you tonight. It’s important._ **

**_Phil: K. see you later_ **

~~~

“I’m home!” Phil calls from downstairs about half an hour after they’ve come home from the park. The twins perk up, and Dan glances at them before grinning, shrugging when they look at him questioningly. That’s apparently all the permission they need to run downstairs to greet Phil. Dan stays on the sofa, listening with a smile as they greet him.

“Phil!” Amelia screeches. She especially got on well with him and was always excited to see him when he got home. Dan wondered if maybe he reminded her of her own dad. The thought makes his stomach churn nervously, but he brushes it away.

“Hi, guys! Oh!” Dan doesn’t have to be watching to know that they likely just jumped on him, and he smirks. “Hello, Mia. You shouldn’t jump off the stairs like that, it’s dangerous,” he chastises gently. She mumbles something Dan can’t hear, and then he hears him speaking to Jaiden. “Hey, little man,” he says affectionately, and Dan can picture him ruffling his hair. “How was school?” Phil asks, and Dan can hear him walking up the stairs now.

The children begin chattering excitedly, and Dan can’t really decipher what they’re telling him between both of them speaking so quickly. He puts his laptop on the coffee table, tossing his arm over the back of the sofa and leaning back as he watches Phil come up the stairs carrying Amelia, Jaiden right behind them. Phil’s eyes dart around the room, a smile stretching his lips when his gaze meets Dan’s.

“Hey,” Phil greets him softly, shifting Amelia in his arms a little.

“Hi,” Dan grins up at him. He nods to Amelia with a knowing smile. “That one might have missed you,” he teases, relishing in the way Phil’s cheeks turn a little pink. He still wasn’t completely convinced that he was good with the kids, although Dan had tried more than once to convince him that he was doing just fine.

“I guess she was the only one,” Phil teases back easily, pouting when Dan rolls his eyes at his childish behavior.

“Oh, I missed you alright,” Dan says, hiding his smirk when Phil sets Amelia down before sitting on the sofa beside Dan. Subtly, he grabs one of the pillows that had been tucked under his left arm. “But I’m sure I won’t at this distance.”

He barely has a moment to take in Phil’s confused expression before he’s swinging the pillow, smacking Phil in the face with a thump.

“Dan!” Phil yells through his poorly concealed laughter.

“What?” Dan asks sweetly, tugging the pillow out of his reach and tucking it under his arm before Phil has the chance to retaliate. Phil notices this, and with narrowed eyes he lunges forward, grabbing for the pillow while grabbing one of Dan’s wrists in the other hand, pinning his hand to the sofa. “No!” Dan screams, rolling over onto his side to try and cover up the pillow. He vaguely hears the kids giggling somewhere behind them, but he’s not even paying attention to that when Phil gets a mischievous look on his face. He doesn’t even have to say it before Dan realizes what he’s going to do. “No, Phil, please don’t- Oh my god!”

Phil snickers as he begins tickling Dan’s side, his laughter bouncing around the room over Dan’s screeches. “You deserve this!” He yells gleefully, dropping Dan’s wrist to attack his other side.

Dan thrashes beneath him, struggling to catch his breath over all his screaming. “No, no, please! Stop! I’ll- I’ll- I’ll behave!” Dan shrieks, feebly trying to shove Phil’s hands away.

“You promise you’ll be nice?” Phil asks teasingly. Something in his voice has Dan blushing, and he draws his legs up, effectively pushing Phil away a little.

“Promise!” He says loudly, breathing heavily when Phil finally stops his attacking. His breathing is labored, and his sides hurt from laughing so much. “Bloody hell, mate,” he wheezes. “I’m too old for this shit,” he mutters under his breath, hoping the kids didn’t hear him.

Phil quirks an eyebrow at him but smiles anyway. “Sorry, I got a little carried away. Are you okay?” He asks sweetly, dropping a hand to Dan’s back and stroking gently.

Dan nods, smiling up at him. “I’m fine, yeah.” His heart is suddenly bursting with something warm as he looks up at his best friend, and he barely realizes it when he reaches up and tucks a piece of hair back into Phil’s quiff, flattening it back gently. Phil’s gaze darts up to Dan’s hand, but they settle back on Dan’s face as his lips fall into a softer smile.

Before Dan has a chance to get too caught up in the moment, whatever it was, he hears a giggle from above him. He glances up to find Amelia and Jaiden hovering over the arm of the sofa where his head is resting. “Can I help you?” He teases.

“Were you two about to kiss?” Amelia asks, smirking at him.

He can feel the blush on his cheeks from the question, and he tries to stutter out an explanation. Luckily, Phil beats him to it.

“Nosy Nancy, why don’t you come over here? I have a surprise for you,” Phil grins, lifting the hand that isn’t on Dan’s back and wiggling his fingers at her.

She squeals before darting behind the couch, Jaiden following close behind.

“Hide and seek, guys, so try not to run everywhere!” Phil calls to them before he glances down at Dan with an apologetic look, but Dan only rolls his eyes before shoving him away.

“Go, go chase them, it’s your turn to play Fun Dad.”

Phil grins before ruffling Dan’s hair and standing from the couch to go play with the twins. “Dinner?” Phil asks inquisitively, pausing before commencing the chase.

Dan rolls to his feet, shoving Phil’s shoulder as he passes him. “I’ll start dinner, go. They want to play, and I wouldn’t put it past them to attack you if they don’t get what they want.”

Rolling his eyes, Phil moves to the stairs to find the kids, who Dan can hear giggling downstairs somewhere. “Right, because they’re so vicious.” The sarcasm is palpable. “Still need to talk later?” he asks softly as they walk downstairs.

“Yeah,” Dan nods. “We can talk when we go to bed?”

Phil nods at this. “Okay.” Then, louder so the kids can hear him, “Ready or not, here I come!”

~~~

After eating dinner and sending the kids to bed, they finally find themselves in their bedroom getting ready for bed themselves. Dan has long since gotten over feeling awkward changing in front of Phil, and he carelessly tugs his jeans off and throws them into the laundry hamper before doing the same with his shirt, replacing it with a t-shirt. He isn’t entirely sure who the shirt belongs to at this point, but honestly most of the things they have are interchangeable, so it really doesn’t even matter. Phil does the annoying thing he always does and leaves his jeans and shirt in a heap on the floor, and Dan dutifully goes behind him and collects them to throw in the hamper.

“They already asleep?” Phil asks from the bathroom when he sees Dan moving around the bedroom.

“Yeah, they were pretty tired after the first day of school I reckon,” he replies, tugging the band off his left hand and setting it on the nightstand. He runs a hand through his hair as he steps into the bathroom, cringing when he feels how greasy his hair is. He’d been running his hands through it a lot today, stress mostly, and it showed.

Phil, who’s brushing his teeth, squints at Dan’s reflection in the mirror. “Alright?” He asks around the foam in his mouth.

Dan nods but crinkles his nose at him, prompting Phil to spit before rinsing his toothbrush off. “Hand me the toothpaste,” he says as he grabs his own toothbrush from the cup. Phil hands the tube over and then studies Dan’s reflection as he begins brushing his teeth.

“Your hair’s getting long,” he comments, bringing a hand up to card through Dan’s curls. Dan unintentionally cringes away, not wanting Phil to mess with his already dirty hair. “Sorry,” he mumbles, dropping his hand.

“‘S fine, just need to wash it,” Dan responds. He finishes brushing his teeth in silence, splashing cold water on his face when he’s done. “Did you take your contacts out?” He asks Phil, turning around to face him.

Phil nods, quirking an eyebrow. “Done in here?” He asks, his hand hovering over the light switch. In response, Dan only nods as he heads back into their bedroom, going straight for the bed.

“I’m exhausted,” he mumbles into the pillow after he’s crawled under the duvet.

“Same,” Phil sighs, and Dan feels the shifting of the mattress as he settles under the covers on his side. There’s the sound of metal clinking against wood, and Dan assumes he’s taken his ring off. “Lights off?” He asks softly, his hand coming to rest on Dan’s shoulder.

“Mhm, please.”

There’s a click of the lamp being turned off, and Dan sighs into his pillow. “Levi?” Phil says softly, reminding Dan that they still needed to talk.

Dan sighs but rolls over onto his back. “They talked about him again today. They didn’t know I could hear them I guess.”

“Yeah?” Phil prompts when he falls silent. Dan watches out of the corner of his eye as Phil hesitates a little before reaching his hand out and gently pushing Dan’s curls off his forehead. Dan quirks an eyebrow at him, but Phil only shrugs.

“I think he’s their brother,” Dan admits finally, staring up at the ceiling as Phil gently pets his hair. It’s soothing in all the right ways, and he knows he’ll likely fall asleep with him doing it if he doesn’t stop soon.

Phil’s hand pauses in its movement as he seems to process Dan’s words, but when Dan opens one eye to look at him, he quickly continues. “Oh. Are you sure?” He looks conflicted, as if he isn’t sure what his reaction needs to be.

Dan shrugs. “No, but it sounded like it could be.”

“What did they say?”

After recounting the conversation he’d overheard, Dan falls silent, closing his eyes as he allows Phil a few minutes to process the new information. It takes him a few moments, but eventually he speaks. “What do you think we should do? I mean, obviously Levi got taken away too, but where is he now?” He sounds confused, and also hurt. Dan can understand why; the whole situation was beyond fucked up, and his heart hurt to think about the fact that there was another kid involved in this situation, one who didn’t even have a sibling to keep him company like the twins did.

“I don’t know. I think we should call Hazel and ask about him, probably,” Dan whispers, silently hoping that Phil agrees.

Phil hums in consideration. “Do you think they’ll let us take him?” He asks, sounding hesitant.

Dan’s eyes snap open to gauge Phil’s reaction. Phil glances down at him, his lips pressed into a straight line. “It wouldn’t hurt to try,” Dan says softly, reaching a hand up to stop the movement of Phil’s hand in his hair, intertwining their fingers instead. It wasn’t something he did often, especially with no audience, but he felt that they both needed the grounding contact right now.

“I don’t know, Dan…” Phil’s voice is full of concern, and he’s got a guarded look on his face.

“He’s their brother, Phil,” Dan insists quietly. “Sure, we’re doing our best to be their temporary family, but he might be the only family they’ve got left after all of it is said and done.”

Phil sighs, squeezing Dan’s hand before pulling his hand free and moving to lay down. Dan hates the way his hand feels empty without the contact, so he rolls over to face the opposite way and shoves his hands under his pillow. “We need to think about it some more, okay?”

“Whatever,” Dan mumbles, allowing his eyes to drift shut again.

There’s a moment of silence before Phil speaks again. “Are you upset with me?” He asks, his voice soft.

“No, I’m just thinking.”

“Daniel,” Phil reprimands his facetiousness.

Dan groans and rolls over to glare at him. “No, okay? I’m not mad. I just…” he trails off, squeezing his eyes shut and rolling back over. “I’m just tired, honestly. All of this is really overwhelming.”

Phil seems to consider this, and Dan can almost feel the hesitancy in the air before Phil reaches a hand out to rest on Dan’s side. “I know. But you can still talk to me, you know. I’m your best friend.”

“I know,” Dan chokes out.

There’s a moment where neither of them speak and Dan hears Phil sigh deeply before his hand falls away. Dan frowns, feeling the distance between them more tonight than he usually does.

Quietly, so that Phil doesn’t realize how truly affected he is by the conversation and the lack of conclusion, Dan speaks. “You can… I’m not mad. I’m really not.”

The room is quiet for a moment before Phil responds. “Do you want me to?” He doesn’t have to specify, because both of them know what they’re talking about at this point.

Softly, Dan says, “Yeah.”

The mattress shifts as Phil moves closer to Dan, throwing an arm around his waist and snuggling against his back. Dan relaxes into the touch, moving one of his hands down to grip Phil’s wrist to hold him in place. Phil squeezes him gently and Dan shivers as he feels his breath fan across his neck.

“Cold?” Phil whispers.

Dan shakes his head. “No.” He hesitates before speaking again. “Are you upset with me?”

“No,” Phil assures him. “I just don’t know what to do about this. I need more time to think about it, okay?”

“Okay. We’re okay?”

Phil laughs softly, and Dan knows he doesn’t imagine it when Phil presses his lips to the nape of his neck. “We’re okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter!! <3 I'm so glad you all seem to be enjoying the story, and i hope it's giving you a good distraction during quarantine. Stay safe and take care of yourselves!! <3 <3


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil have some... disagreements.

Over a week passes by the time Dan realizes that they haven’t addressed the Levi situation again. Not once had it been brought up, and he was starting to get antsy about it. Not doing anything felt just as bad as doing something that turned out to be the wrong thing, so eventually, Dan decides to take things into his own hands. He knows, even as he dials the number, that he needs to speak to Phil about it again, that they need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, but right now that’s the last thing on his mind.

“You’ve reached Hazel at Bridging the Gap Fostering; what can I do for you today?”

Dan swallows hard before answering, and double checks that the door to his office is shut. “Hi, Hazel, this is Daniel Howell.”

Hazel’s voice immediately shifts. “Oh! Hello, Dan, how are you? Is everything alright?”

“I’m well, thanks. Everything is fine, the twins are doing well.” He hesitates before continuing. “They’ve started school, and they really seem to enjoy it.”

“That’s wonderful! I’m glad they seem to be adjusting well.” Hazel seems to realize then that the twins aren’t the reason he’s calling, and her voice picks up a more serious tone. “I have a feeling you didn’t just call to give me an update: is that right?”

Dan laughs uneasily at the astute assumption. “Yes, you’d be right about that. I actually had something I needed to speak to you about, regarding the twins.”

“Is everything okay, Dan?” Hazel sounds nervous herself now, and Dan nearly laughs again.

“I mean, that’s sort of for you to tell me. It’s weird, so just give me a moment to explain.”

“Alright,” Hazel says slowly, sounding more than a little apprehensive.

“So, I’ve overheard a couple conversations of the twins, and on both occasions, they’ve mentioned someone called Levi.” He pauses then, waiting to see how Hazel would react. If she knows anything, he’s pretty sure he’ll be able to tell.

“Alright, and who is Levi?” She asks, clueless.

He releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, relieved at not having been lied to. “I’m not sure, actually. That’s why I wanted to speak to you.” He collects all of his thoughts. “I could be wrong, but I think… I think maybe they have a brother.”

“What?”

As Dan recounts the conversations he’d heard the twins have, he can tell that Hazel is just as intrigued as he is, and probably just as stumped. He can hear typing on her end, and he wonders if maybe there’s some sort of database that allows her to check for possible siblings.

“And that’s all they’ve said about him,” Dan finishes finally. “But that’s enough for Phil and I to speculate, you know? And I didn’t want to just ask them about it, you know, I wasn’t sure if it would be traumatic, or-“

Hazel cuts him off then, her voice gentle. “You did the right thing, Dan. I need to look into it a little more to be sure, but you definitely made the right choice to come to me first.”

Dan lets out a sigh of relief. “Great,” he breathes out. “So, do you think you’ll be able to find out for sure who he is?”

There’s more typing, and Hazel sounds a little distracted when she answers. “Yes, I think so. I need to call Stephanie at the other agency to know for sure, since it was her case first, and hopefully she can give me some answers.”

“Thanks, Hazel.”

“No, thank you for letting me know about this. It’s very rare that they separate children like that, and I’m shocked the twins didn’t ask any direct questions to me or you and Phil. I’ll try to find out what I can, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks. Just give me a call when you know something?” He requests.

“Sure, Dan.”

Dan bids her goodbye then, chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. He hopes that she finds out something soon, and hopefully whatever it is that she discovers will be enough to relieve his anxiety about it just a little.

His phone chimes with a text, and he finds himself smiling before he even checks it, already knowing who it is.

**_Phil: Want to meet for lunch? I’ll pay_ **

**_Dan: free lunch? Yes mate_ **

**_Phil: smh you only want me for my money_ **

**_Dan: um yeah?_ **

Phil responds with an eye rolling emoji, and Dan snickers before telling him he would meet him for lunch at twelve.

Time passes predictably slow but eventually he was leaving for lunch, calling to Louise that he’d see her in an hour. As nosy as she is, she predictably leaned out of her office and gave him a narrowed gaze. “Where are you going?”

Dan rolls his eyes at her. “I’m meeting Phil for lunch,” he informs her, twirling his keys around his fingers.

Louise smirks at him. “Have fun, babe, see you later. Tell your man I said hello!” She winks suggestively as she waves him off.

Dan resists the urge to flip her off, heading out the door with a grumble. Despite how he acted though, he really wasn’t bothered by Louise’s teasing, if anything it usually just made him laugh. He knew it was just in good fun, and sometimes it gave him a warm feeling to pretend that the thing she was teasing him for was real. That was a dangerous game though, one that he wasn’t very keen on playing when he didn’t have to.

When he pulls up at the café he’d agreed to meet Phil at, he can spot Phil waiting just inside at a table, scrolling on his phone as he sips at what Dan assumes is a caramel macchiato. He hums to himself as he walks inside, smiling when Phil glances up at him. Seeing the other hot drink waiting for him, he moves over to the table rather than going to the counter to order, sliding into the empty seat.

“Hi,” he greets, knocking his feet against Phil’s playfully as he picks up the cup.

“That’s hot,” Phil warns, watching as Dan sips from it anyway, unbothered by the near-scalding liquid rushing over his tongue.

“And what?” Dan says mockingly.

Phil shrugs, then giggles. Even as he tries to hide it, Dan notices and quirks an eyebrow. “I just remembered something funny,” he explains vaguely, sipping at his own drink.

“Care to share?” Dan drawls.

“Dan is not on fire, more like Dan is on fire,” he snickers, grinning when Dan only glowers at him.

“That was like ten years ago! Can’t you let my stupid old username rest in peace?”

“Never! It’s fond mems, Dan; can’t let that go.”

Dan rolls his eyes at the explanation before tilting his head to the counter. “Did you order already?”

“I did. I only got here a few minutes before you, so it’ll probably be a few minutes.”

Nodding, Dan sips from his drink again, his eyes darting to look out the window. “It’s getting colder,” he observes.

“Yeah.”

“Do you know if the twins have winter coats?”

Phil shrugs. “I don’t know, actually. I haven’t noticed any in their closet, so I don’t guess so.”

“We should go shopping in a few weeks then. Just in case.” Dan stirs at his drink, debating whether or not he should tell Phil about the call with Hazel.

Before Phil has a chance to respond, their waitress is interrupting them with their food. “Do you guys need anything else?” She asks cheerfully, all smiles as she looks between the two of them, her gaze lingering on Phil.

Dan huffs, almost amused at her obvious staring. Almost. “We’re fine, thanks.” He not so subtly reaches for his cup with his left hand, not missing the way her eyes widen when they fall on the ring. He pointedly glances down at Phil’s left hand as well when the girl studies him, smirking when she blushes after noticing the matching ring on his hand.

“Oh, um. Well, enjoy your meals!” She calls, sounding embarrassed as she goes to leave.

Dan smirks around his drink, assuming that Phil had been oblivious to the whole interaction. His amusement is cut short, however, when he hears Phil snort.

“You really enjoy making people uncomfortable by making them think we’re together, don’t you?” He sounds bitter, and the smile is wiped off Dan’s face when he glances up at him.

“What?” He asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

Phil rolls his eyes, his annoyed huff audible from across the table. “I saw you smirking after she brought our food. Does it really amuse you so much for random strangers to get uncomfortable seeing us as a gay couple?”

Dan’s jaw drops. If he didn’t know any better, he would think that Phil was offended for an entirely different reason. He nearly laughs when he realizes that Phil likely just thinks he was just trying to queer bait or something for his own personal amusement. “No, Phil. God, no. Did you see how she was looking at you? Like, c’mon, man, she clearly fancied you.”

Phil looks confused. “And? Even if she did, what the hell was that about?”

Dan shakes his head, laughing once without humor. “I don’t know, I guess I just-“ he stops himself when he realizes he was about to say he was jealous, or something equally as ridiculous. “I thought it was weird for her to be looking at you that way.”

A hurt look crosses Phil’s face. “Why, because it’s weird to think that someone would actually look at me like that?” He sounds offended, and Dan knows that if he doesn’t explain this, and fast, it’s going to turn into an unnecessary argument.

“No, love, I just meant that it was unprofessional for her to be looking at someone who wasn’t hers like that. I mean,” he stumbles over his words when Phil finally meets his gaze. “Not that we’re actually, like… you know,” he mutters quietly, so the other people around them don’t hear. “But she doesn’t know that we’re not, and I personally don’t like homewreckers.” It’s a half-assed explanation, and one that leaves him feeling a little too vulnerable and red in the face, but Phil seems to accept it.

“Oh,” Phil says slowly, seeming to process this information. “So, you were just playing the good fiancé bit.” He grins then, as if this is amusing to him. “That’s actually really cute, Dan.”

Dan flushes even darker, rolling his eyes before shoving a forkful of salad into his mouth. “Don’t,” he mutters, clearly embarrassed.

Phil coos, and Dan squashes his foot gently under the table. “No, I get it, actually. Like if we’re going to pretend, it’s kind of silly not to pretend to the people who couldn’t possibly know who we are or why we’re pretending.”

It takes Dan a moment to process it, but when he does he nods, then shrugs. “I guess.” Feeling increasingly awkward with the conversation, he moves on. “So, anything interesting happen at work today?” he asks, desperate for a distraction.

He allows Phil to carry the rest of their conversation with dramatic stories about his day at work, interesting in a way that only Phil could manage to make them. Dan props his chin onto his hand, watching Phil speak with a small smile on his face. It felt like it had been ages since they’d spoken like this, just the two of them, about ordinary every day life. It was refreshing.

“Are you even listening to me?” Phil suddenly asks, his lips in a pout as he crosses his arms, clearly unimpressed.

Startled at having been caught out, Dan nods quickly. “Yeah, of course.”

Phil narrows his eyes. “Why d’you keep staring at me? Have I got something on my face?” He wipes his mouth self-consciously, and Dan can’t help but giggle at that.

“No, you haven’t got something on your face, you spoon.” Phil glares at him, but Dan only smiles. “I’ve missed you.”

Phil looks confused. “We live together, mate, we’re almost never apart,” he says with an awkward sounding laugh.

Dan shrugs. “I know, but it’s different when we’re at home, since there we always have to be on parenting duty.” He realizes how that sounds and is quick to rephrase. “Not that I don’t love the kids, or our life with them! It’s just… I don’t know, it’s nice to just hang out, just the two of us. It’s nostalgic.”

There’s a soft look on Phil’s face, and he doesn’t speak for a long time. When he does, he sounds a little hoarse. “I’ve missed you too, bear.”

Dan ducks his head at the nickname, his face hot. He sips from his drink, allowing himself to pretend, just for a moment, that this is something different. It’s dangerous, that, but he’s just selfish enough that he allows it for just a moment.

Eventually, they finish their lunches and they both have to leave for work. Dan tucks his hands into his pockets as they walk outside, the slight breeze feeling comfortable rather than too chilly.

“I’ll drive you back to work,” he tells Phil, nodding to his car.

“I can call a cab, it’s fine,” Phil shrugs his offer off.

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “Nah, come on, I’m going to take you to work like the great fiancé I am.”

Phil snickers, walking over to the passenger side of the car in defeat. “I want it to go on the record that you said that, not me.”

Dan nods seriously as he climbs into the car and starts the ignition. Leaning closer to the radio, he talks loudly. “Hear that, government? Phil said I was a great fiancé.”

“Dan!” Phil laughs.

Snickering, Dan buckles his seatbelt. “Come on, Phil, the government isn’t going to care that you think I’m a great fiancé,” He says the last part loudly, earning him a playfully shove from Phil. “Babuse!” He screeches through a laugh. “You can’t be mean to the one driving, we could have an accident and be killed to death!”

“Oh yeah, I hate being killed to death,” Phil taunts.

Dan glares at him. “I’ll kill you to death,” he threatens, eyes narrowed playfully.

Phil giggles, and they continue teasing each other until Dan pulls up in front of the BBC office where Phil works. “Thank you for the ride,” Phil says sincerely, grabbing his phone and gripping the door handle. His eyes flicker up, and his face falls as they catch on something. He pauses before opening the door, and Dan’s eyebrows furrow as he looks around curiously.

“What is it?” He asks. “Is something- oh.” He finally realizes what has Phil nervous now, spotting PJ and Chris outside the building, close enough that they’ve noticed Dan and Phil in the car. They smirk and wave, causing Dan to roll his eyes.

“They’re going to give me shit,” Phil mutters quietly.

Dan narrows his eyes at them before leaning closer to Phil curiously. “About what? Being gay? They knew you were gay, so do they just give you shit because they think you’re with me?” He can hear the confusion in his own voice.

Phil shakes his head with a sigh. “No, they’re always talking about- don’t be mad, alright?”

The fact that Phil felt the need to interrupt himself to say that isn’t boding well for his friends, but Dan just nods uncertainly. “Okay.”

Phil sighs, staring down at his hands. “When I told them about it, they didn’t really… well they didn’t really believe me at first? They said they thought that… God, you’re going to hate this.”

“What did they say?” Dan deadpans. If whatever they said about Phil bothers him this much, he’s quite willing to exchange some unfriendly words with them so they don’t say it again.

“They said they were surprised that you’d be interested in… well, me, actually.” He says it so quietly that Dan almost isn’t sure he’s heard him right.

“Wait, what? Did they think I was straight?” Now he’s confused, because very rarely were there people he met who thought he was entirely straight, even before this whole fake relationship thing happened.

“No,” Phil shakes his head. “They just… They kind of implied that you, well…” He laughs then, but it’s a bitter sound and lacks the usual happiness his laughs are usually full of. “They basically said they thought you had better taste than me.”

Dan stares at him in surprise, having not expected that. “What the fuck?” He says eloquently, his gaze darting over to the building, where the two of them are still standing, pretending they aren’t watching. “Who the fuck- they don’t get to decide who I’m into,” he protests. He realizes suddenly that he’s not defending something real, so he doesn’t need to be so defensive. But then he glances over at Phil, and the way he seems so torn up about it just tears at his heart. “Fuck them, okay? Phil? Listen, they’re just talking bullshit. They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Phil shrugs, as if it doesn’t bother him as much as it clearly does. “Are they wrong thought? I mean- it’s fine, obviously,” he laughs again, but it’s hollow, even when he looks up and smiles at Dan.

“Excuse me?” Dan’s hands find Phil’s, and he plays with the older man’s fingers for a moment, but Phil is avoiding Dan’s eyes like the plague. “Phil Lester. You are a brilliant, incredible friend, and a beautiful person. Honestly, Phil, you’re out of my league.”

Phil is still looking hollowly in the direction of his coworkers. “You think so?” He asks absently, disbelievingly.

Dan is having an idea. A stupid idea, no doubt, but before he knows it, his body is already enacting the plan. “Don’t be weird about this, please,” he pleads, holding eye contact with Phil as he leans closer.

“About- Dan?” Phil sounds almost alarmed as Dan reaches a hand up to gently cup his jaw.

“Please don’t freak out,” Dan says quietly, almost a whisper as he presses forward.

And obviously, he isn’t about to kiss his platonic best friend for real, so instead he presses his lips just to the corner of Phil’s mouth, just close enough so that PJ and Chris won’t know the difference from how far away they’re standing. Phil seems to catch on to what he’s doing, and quickly brings a hand up to Dan’s jaw, effectively making it seem more realistic. Phil’s lips are parted slightly in surprise, and Dan can feel the warmth of his breath against his face, almost straight into his own mouth, but not quite. He doesn’t linger long, only long enough to become flushed with how intimate this feels, pulling away and dropping his hand after a couple of seconds.

“They saw,” he confirms for himself and for Phil, glancing at them from the corner of his eye. He doesn’t bother gauging their reaction to it, instead focusing his eyes on Phil. “I’m sorry, I should have asked, or explained, but-“

Phil cuts him off then. “It’s fine- I mean. Yeah. It’s fine.” Dan’s not convinced, but Phil’s eyes have a kind of steel to them that he doesn’t want to argue with.

Dan nods, reaching a hand up to brush Phil’s hair back. “Hopefully they’ll fuck off and leave you alone about it now.”

Something flits across Phil’s face then, almost a moment of hurt, but it’s gone in the next blink, so Dan convinces himself that he must have imagined it. “Thank you, Dan.” He sounds oddly stiff. “That was really- er, nice of you to do.” Then he sighs and glances at the clock. “I should go, you need to get back to the school.”

Dan nods silently, and watches as Phil opens the door and climbs out of the car. “I’ll see you at home,” he calls, watching as Phil only nods and waves before walking towards his building.

Mentally cursing himself for the weird position he’s put them in, Dan pulls out of the parking lot, hoping that he didn’t just fuck up all the progress they’d made together.

~~~

When Dan gets back to the school, he’s barely had a chance to sit down in his chair before his phone is ringing obnoxiously. He sighs but pulls it out of his pocket, feeling aggravated, but his exasperation is wiped away when he reads the caller ID and sees Hazel’s name. Without missing a beat, he swipes across the screen to answer the call.

“Hazel, thanks for calling me back,” he greets with no preamble.

“Hi, Dan,” she replies, sounding a little wary.

His stomach sinks, and he already knows it’s going to be bad news. He swallows hard around the lump forming in his throat, lowering his voice as he speaks. “So, what did you find out?” He asks quietly.

She sighs. “You’re really going to hate this, Dan.” It sounds like a warning and an apology all rolled into one. Dan already hates it.

“I just want to know, Hazel. I don’t like this prolonging thing.”

Hazel seems to take a deep breath, as if bracing herself. “He’s their brother, you were right about that.”

For some reason, this doesn’t fill him with the relief he thought it would. “And?”

The line is quiet for a moment. “He’s in a group home.”

Dan really didn’t feel like he could be more shocked and broken hearted for this family, but he was apparently wrong. He can feel his throat closing up as he processes the words. “What?” He almost hopes she’s joking. It wouldn’t be funny, but he just doesn’t want the thing she just said to be true.

“I’m so sorry, Dan. I know that’s a lot to take in, but… Apparently he was a little violent, after the authorities were told about their situation at home.”

“Well obviously,” Dan almost spits venom at her through the phone. “His family was being torn apart.”

Hazel sighs. “Dan, look, they typically put older children into group homes if they don’t think they’re stable enough to be with a foster family. There’s probably a reason-“

“Can we foster him?” Dan interrupts her, not even waiting to process what she was trying to tell him.

She splutters at this. “Sorry, what?”

“Can Phil and I foster him?” He repeats calmly. “We’re already fostering his siblings, and I don’t feel comfortable knowing that they’ve been split apart.”

“Dan,” She says softly, as if she’s delivering bad news to a child.

He’s not a child.

“I know, they usually only put dangerous kids into group homes, or kids with disorders or habits that they think are almost juvenile detention worthy but not quite. I get it. I did my research on all this months ago, Hazel.” He pauses, trying to soften his voice. “I just don’t want to keep them separated if there’s any way we could foster him.”

Hazel is silent for a long time. Dan almost starts to think that he’s lost connection, but then she speaks again. “I’ll look into it. I’ll have to make some calls, and try to pull some strings, but…” She trails off, and Dan’s heart speeds up with hope for her words. “I think if anyone could help heal this family, it’s you and Phil.”

Dan’s heart drops at the mention of his fake other half, who doesn’t even know what he’s doing right now. He has no idea that Dan reached out to Hazel for this, and suddenly Dan can feel his stomach churning anxiously, knowing how offended Phil will probably be when he finds out about this.

Instead of revealing that to Hazel, though, Dan only chokes out some vague form of thanks before allowing her to hang up.

Immediately, he knows he needs to call Phil and tell him what he’d just done. He would likely be mad and would probably have an attitude when he got home later, but Dan prayed that he was wrong, that Phil would understand why he was doing it.

Dan chews on his bottom lip as he goes to his messages, remembering the last time he’d called Phil when he was at work without texting first, and the shitstorm that followed. There likely wouldn’t be a repeat of that today, but Dan wanted to be cautious, since this was more of a sensitive matter.

**_Dan: you busy?_ **

**_Phil: Nah. Doing paperwork_ **

**_Phil: What’s up?_ **

**_Dan: can i call?_ **

**_Phil: Sure._ **

Dan waits patiently for Phil to pick up, chewing away at his lip hard enough to break the skin. He’s surprised he hasn’t already. When Phil answers, he sounds only slightly off, which is better than what he seemed to be when Dan dropped him off at work earlier. But he’s not thinking about that right now, he’s decided, so he quickly averts his thoughts to what he actually called for.

“Dan? Are you ever going to say anything, or did you just call to breathe into the phone like a weirdo?” Phil asks, sounding amused but definitely concerned.

“I did a thing, and you’re going to be cross with me for it,” Dan announces, not beating around the bush at all.

Phil pauses then and seems to reconsider his playful tone. “Okay…” He says slowly, cautiously. “What did you do?” He asks, not sounding angry yet, just… wary.

Dan takes a few deep breaths, bracing himself for what he figures is probably going to turn into a fight. “I called Hazel about Levi.”

The line is completely silent. Dan hates it.

He stays quiet for as long as he dares, but when ten seconds turns into sixty, and a minute turns to two, he can’t help but burst. “Please say something,” he begs.

Phil clears his throat. “Without telling me?” He doesn’t need to remind Dan what they’re talking about.

“I’m sorry, I just- I couldn’t-“

He’s cut off by Phil speaking again. “I know, you just make the important decisions yourself and hope that I don’t care because it’s just like a game of house or something, right? It doesn’t have any real consequence, does it?” He taunts, his voice bitter in a way that Dan is unfamiliar with.

“No,” he protests weakly. “I didn’t make any decisions; I just wanted more infor--“

“So, you knew I didn’t feel comfortable talking to Hazel about it yet, and you still did it.” It’s not even a question.

Dan’s throat feels tight and he feels like his organs are squeezing their way up into his lungs. It’s uncomfortable in the worst ways, but he doesn’t know how to settle it. “I’m sorry, but it was important to me and I-”

Phil sighs. “I know. You’re always sorry.” He sounds exhausted, and his words make Dan’s stomach sink even further. They’re quiet for a moment, as Dan has no real rebuttal for that, but eventually Phil sighs again, ending the awkwardness. “I need to go, I have a conference call at two.”

“Oh… Okay. Yeah. Um, go ahead.” Dan feels the regret deep in his bones, and he knows it’ll likely only be worse once he’s hung up.

“I’d say something funny, but I’m honestly a bit annoyed right now,” Phil tells him, his voice carrying the hurt tone of his voice over the phone in a way Dan really wished it wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Dan mumbles again, his vocabulary seemingly erased of everything else except for that sentiment.

“I know,” Phil sighs. “I-“ he stops himself. “Drive home safely. Don’t forget to wear your seatbelt.” Is what he says finally.

Even in a fight, he makes sure he reminds Dan to stay safe. Somehow, that realization hits him like a punch to the gut, and he lays his head on his desk, trying to breathe.

“I will,” he says tightly. He feels a buildup of emotion in his chest, but he can’t grasp the right words to convey what he’s feeling. “Thank you. I’ll see you at home.”

“Yeah. Bye, Dan.”

The line cuts off with a click, and Dan feels the guilt set in, heavy and dark, and he knows that the rest of the day is going to drag in a way it normally doesn’t.

~~~

The rest of the day passes by in a slow haze, and Dan really doesn’t feel that he’s gotten anything done by the time he leaves to pick up the twins from school. He stands outside of the primary school with some of the other parents, his hands tucked into his pockets as he waits for the kids to come outside. The twins look around anxiously as soon as they’re out of the building, and Dan waves to them, forcing a smile he doesn’t feel onto his face. They immediately start running towards him, and the smile turns into something more genuine as they both crash into his legs.

“Hey, kiddos. How was your day?” He asks, petting both of their heads affectionately as he leads them to the car.

“We had so much fun! They let us watch a film about the animal kingdom, and-“ Amelia explains excitedly.

She’s cut off by Jaiden, who tugs on Dan’s hand. “We learned all about the food chain!”

“Wow! You’ll have to tell me all about it on the way home, yeah?” Dan opens the back door on the driver’s side, allowing both of them to climb in.

They chatter the whole way home, telling Dan all about predators and prey and the differences between herbivores and omnivores. He tries to listen and not let his mind wander, but if they notice that he’s a little more distracted than usual, they don’t tell him.

As soon as they’re home, he sends them into the kitchen to sit at the dining table and do their homework, which turns out to be a worksheet about the film they’d watched. Between the two of them, they retained enough information to not really need Dan’s help at all, which he thinks is probably a good thing, as he doesn’t feel like he’d really be able to focus on it anyway. When they’re finished, they’re free to do whatever they want, and they both end up upstairs playing, which is almost a relief for Dan and his swirling thoughts.

He’s right about Phil being in a mood when he gets home. Not that he’d actually expected anything else, but Dan’s stomach sinks uncomfortably when Phil comes in and it’s clear that he’s still cross with him. Dan is standing in the kitchen and looking for something to make for dinner when he hears the door open, and he tries not to turn around as he listens to Phil’s footsteps carrying him into the kitchen. There’s the sound of a bag setting on the table, and Dan can’t help but glance over.

Phil isn’t looking at him, his eyes cast on his laptop bag as he rifles through it, pulling out a folder and setting it on the table. He must feel Dan’s eyes on him, because he looks up then, his blue eyes swimming with something that Dan thinks looks an awful lot like hurt.

“Hey,” he says softly.

Phil shakes his head, grabbing his bag and setting it off to the side as he normally does, holding the folder tightly in one hand. “I can’t talk to you right now.”

“Phil, I-“

“No, Dan.” Phil settles him with a hard stare. “Not right now,” Phil says, almost pleading.

Dan swallows hard around the lump in his throat before nodding. If Phil needed space, that’s what he would give him, even if it killed him on the inside to do it. “Okay,” he whispers.

Phil nods too, then, before going to the office. He doesn’t even give Dan a second look as he goes, which hurts more than Dan wants to admit.

Rather than drive himself crazy dwelling on it, he goes upstairs to ask the twins if they want to help with dinner. Naturally, being children, they do, so he leads them back to the kitchen and explains that they can make fajitas or spaghetti. They both vote for fajitas, surprisingly, and Dan has a moment of thanking whatever greater power there is that the kids they foster aren’t picky.

“Okay, so we’re going to start with the peppers and onions first. I’ll cut them up and let you guys put them in the pan, okay? Carefully. It’s very hot.” Dan stresses the word, already mildly anxious at the sight of his kids so close to the stove.

The children are surprisingly helpful, although several times Dan finds himself cringing with worry when they get a little too close to the sizzling pan or something. He manages to prevent them from maiming themselves, and eventually he’s letting them set out the other condiments and plates on the table. He feels his stomach churn nervously, well aware that now he’ll have to go tell Phil that dinner is ready, and without the task of cooking to distract him, he’ll be left to do nothing but worry about the conversation they’ll likely be having later.

He takes the coward’s way out, asking Mia if she’d go fetch Phil for dinner so he doesn’t have to do it himself. The six-year-old is all too willing to do it, skipping over to the office door, completely carefree. Dan can vaguely hear the sound of her voice as she tells Phil that dinner is ready, and he doesn’t hear anything but the low rumble of Phil’s voice in response.

A few moments later, Amelia returns to the kitchen, sitting beside her brother at the table. They start talking, but Dan’s barely listening to the words they’re saying, more focused on the sound of footsteps approaching. He tries to act busy, stirring the fajita mix in the pan as if he’s not already finished with it.

The footsteps stop right next to him, and Dan nearly flinches when he feels a hand fall on his hip. He barely glances up at Phil and finds a softer expression on his face than what had been there before. Phil reaches over with the hand not on Dan and takes the glass of Ribena Dan had been sipping from and takes a swig.

Dan refuses the urge to roll his eyes and glances back at the food. “Still cross?” He asks quietly, bitterly.

Phil looks over at him, shaking his head. “No,” he says gently. His eyes flit over to the twins momentarily before they settle back on Dan. “Can we talk later?”

Surprised, Dan nods. “Of course.”

Phil smiles before leaning in, surprising Dan even more by pressing a kiss to his temple. “I’m sorry I was mean earlier.”

Dan shrugs, staring down at the food rather than responding to that. He didn’t trust his voice not to waver right now, and he knew there was a time and place to discuss their disagreement, but it wasn’t here and now. “Okay,” he replies quietly.

He catches a glimpse of the frown on Phil’s face, and he tries to not take responsibility for it. Phil seems to shake it off, though, squeezing Dan’s hip before letting go and stepping away, moving to grab some plates from the cupboard. “So, who wants to tell me what you learned at school today?” He asks, grinning at the twins as he sets their plates out in front of them.

Amelia and Jaiden immediately start talking over each other, and between the two of them, Phil seems to understand the gist of what they learned about the food chain and such. He smiles broadly at them, nodding along as he moves to refill their drinks. Dan tries not to watch him, but it’s sort of intriguing to see him in parenting mode like this, and so Dan really can’t help it.

After setting the table with the tortillas and everything else they would need, Phil comes back over to stand beside Dan, pointing down to the pan. “That about done?” He asks.

Dan nods mutely, nudging the handle over for Phil to grab, handing him a potholder to set it on to avoid scorching the table. “Careful,” he warns.

Phil nods, carefully setting it on the table. “Alright, you guys get to pick what you want in your fajita and I’ll scoop it into the tortillas, okay? Amelia, what do you want?”

Dan moves over to make a plate for Jaiden while Phil works on Amelia’s, letting him point out what he wants. “You don’t want onions, right?” He asks, already shoving some of them out of the way so he doesn’t get any on Jaiden’s plate. The six-year-old insists that he can eat them, but he never does if they’re on his plate, and Dan refuses to make him eat something he doesn’t want.

Jaiden shakes his head just as Phil says, “They’re good for you, Jai-bird.” Dan shoots him a look, and he quickly reevaluates his words. “But you don’t have to eat them if you don’t want to.”

“Do I have to eat onions?” Amelia asks then, moving to sit up on her knees rather than on her bum.

“No, but you do have to sit down correctly,” Dan chastises, raising his eyebrows at her.

She grins sheepishly before moving to sit correctly in her chair. “I forgot,” She explains.

Dan smiles at her knowingly before handing her brother his plate. “I know.” After settling back in his seat, he makes his own plate, watching Phil as he does the same, making a mess with his shaking hands. “Hold the plate over the pan and you won’t spill it all over the table,” Dan says, rolling his eyes.

Phil glances at him, opening his mouth to respond before apparently thinking better of it. His mouth snaps closed and forms a straight line, and Dan can tell he’s holding back a comment that would likely start an argument. The plate is slightly shaking in his left hand, and Dan notices the way his grip tightens on the spoon in his right hand, trying to steady it.

Feeling guilty for being rude, Dan reaches over and gently tugs the plate and spoon away from Phil, filling his plate quickly and neatly before handing it back. “Here,” he says softly.

There’s an odd look on Phil’s face, but he takes the plate anyway. “Thank you,” he mumbles, looking almost embarrassed.

Dan only nods, reaching for his Ribena and taking a sip. Glancing over again, he realizes Phil doesn’t have a drink, and almost unthinkingly he stands and moves to the cupboard to grab a glass. “Do you want Ribena or something else?” He asks, opening the door to the refrigerator and hovering as he waits for Phil’s response.

Phil glances over at him, looking a little surprised. “Oh, um, Ribena’s fine.”

Nodding, Dan pours his drink, humming under his breath as he does. “Here,” he says, handing Phil the glass as he moves back to the table.

“Thanks,” Phil replies.

They eat in relative silence, aside from the children chattering and occasionally asking Dan and Phil questions about the things they learned at school. Dan knows that the tension between them is probably what’s keeping the conversation so scarce, as generally the animal kingdom is a subject Phil would be all too engrossed in. It makes him feel guilty, and he eventually loses his appetite, only pushing the food around his plate with his fork quietly.

When the kids are finished they ask if they can go upstairs and watch Netflix. As soon as Phil gives the okay, they rush out of the kitchen, bickering about what to watch the whole way. Phil stands too, gathering their plates up to take them to the sink. He looks over at Dan, and a concerned frown etches itself out on his lips. He drops the dishes into the sink before walking back over to the table and dropping a hand to Dan’s forehead.

“Are you alright?” He asks quietly.

Dan nods, pushing his plate away. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Phil’s frown deepens, and he drops his hand, looking at Dan’s plate in concern. “You didn’t eat very much,” he comments.

Dan shrugs. “Not hungry,” he mumbles, tracing shapes onto the table with the condensation dripping off his glass.

“Oh… Do you need to go lay down? I can watch the kids, if you want to go to bed early,” Phil suggests, his hand coming up to stroke Dan’s shoulder blades gently.

“Can you quit pretending we aren’t fighting?” Dan suddenly bursts, unable to keep the anger out of his voice.

Phil draws his hand back like he’s been burnt, a shocked look on his face. “What?” He asks, as if he doesn’t already know.

Dan rolls his eyes. “I know you’re pissed at me for calling Hazel without telling you. I’d rather you just be angry with me rather than pretending you care that I don’t feel well.”

Phil’s expression shifts from confused to surprised. “Excuse me?” He snaps. “I’m not pretending to care Dan. I’m worried about you because you’re acting like you’re ill, and that’s my first priority, not some stupid fucking argument.” The swear surprises Dan a little, enough that he realizes how serious Phil is.

“Well, I’m fine,” Dan mutters, moving to stand. “I’m just tired of you being mad at me.” His voice is smaller than he had intended, but he can’t swallow the words now.

Phil follows him, running a hand down his arm. “I’m not mad anymore. And I’m sorry.”

Dan tries not to sniff as he runs water over the dishes, refusing to meet Phil’s gaze. “For what?” He asks petulantly.

There’s a sigh, and then he feels Phil’s arms wrapping around his waist from behind. He tries not to shiver when he feels his breath against his neck. “For being a dick. And for ignoring you instead of having a real conversation about it like an adult.”

The water is hitting the dishes, not really accomplishing anything, and Dan slowly twists the knob to turn it off, staring at the stream as it disappears. “It really hurts me when you do that, you know,” Dan whispers. “I know you… I think you don’t mean to, but I hate when you ignore me like that. It…” He trails off again, swallowing hard.

Phil squeezes him tightly, and Dan feels his lips pressing against the side of his head, the pressure feeling grounding. “I know. I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I don’t want to hurt you, ever. And I shouldn’t have said what I did, about you doing things without telling me and not caring. I know you care, you care so much about those kids, you just want what’s best for them, and I know that.”

Dan turns the water back on, hot, and places his hand under the stream, allowing it to run over his fingers, hot enough to burn a little. “I want what’s best for you too,” he mumbles, the words easier to say when he isn’t looking at Phil.

His hand is pulled away from the stream of water by Phil’s gentle grip, the same hand pulling away to turn the tap off. “I know,” he whispers. Before Dan can think to protest, Phil steps away and tugs Dan’s arm to turn him around. Dan immediately drops his gaze, but Phil only steps closer, tugging him into a proper embrace. Dan’s arms move to wrap around Phil’s neck, burying his face in his shoulder as he feels his eyes begin leaking the emotion he feels eating away at him.

“Do you really think I try to control everything without asking you?” Dan asks, unable to help himself.

Phil squeezes him tighter, and Dan can feel him shaking his head. “No, not at all,” He says firmly. “I think you just take charge and make the hard decisions that I’m scared to make, and sometimes that overwhelms me because I’m afraid of what’s going to happen,” Phil whispers, almost too quiet for Dan to even process his words.

Dan pulls away enough to study Phil’s face. “I’m sorry,” he whispers back. “I don’t do that with the intentions of hurting you.”

Phil gently pets Dan’s curls, studying him with a soft look. “I know,” he replies with a nod. “And you couldn’t know how much it affected me, because I’d never told you.”

Settling his head back on Phil’s shoulder, Dan tries to ignore the racing of his heart as he formulates a response. “I think we need to talk more. Like we could have avoided this if we were better at communication, but apparently we suck at it.”

“Hey,” Phil says lightly, gently tugging Dan’s hair to pull him back enough to look at his face. “We don’t suck at it. It’s just different when we’re not the only people in the equation. We have two, maybe three, other people to think about now, and that changes things. We’re doing the best we can, yeah?”

Dan nods, his heart swelling at the reassurance that they don’t suck at the parenting thing, that they’re trying their best. And… maybe three. “Yeah,” he replies quietly.

Phil smiles and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek then, causing the younger man to blush when he pulls away. “We can talk more about the Levi situation later, alright? I think for now we need to go upstairs and watch an animated movie we’ve seen a hundred times and have a cuddle.”

“That sounds amazing, actually,” Dan says, laughing wetly. He hadn’t realized that the tears were still steadily falling, but Phil’s hand comes up to wipe them away gently.

“C’mon, bear. We can use your fuzzy blanket and turn the lights out and everything.”

“Hot chocolate?” Dan asks, his voice small.

Phil smiles at him warmly. “Yes, I’ll make you some hot chocolate. Why don’t you go upstairs and ask the kids if they’d like any as well?”

Dan nods and pulls away, feeling colder when he’s no longer wrapped up in the warmth of Phil’s hug. He shoves that feeling away, giving Phil one last look before making his way upstairs to where the twins are still arguing about the movie. Of course, they want hot chocolate as well, and he tells them to decide on a movie while he goes to help Phil carry the drinks upstairs.

When he gets downstairs, Phil is moving around the kitchen, four mugs already placed on the counter. He glances up at Dan when he walks in, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

“They want some, too,” Dan tells him with a nod. “With marshmallows,” he adds, moving to the cupboard to get the bag of mini marshmallows that they kept in there. He watches Phil as he pours the chocolate powder into the mugs, carefully spooning it out so none of it spills over the sides. His hands are steadier than before, and Dan wonders if it’s because most of the anxiety about their argument has been relieved. He hopes it has.

The kettle beeps, and Phil jumps a little in surprise, glancing over at Dan with a sheepish smile before moving to pour the water into the mugs. “Did you want some snacks? Since you didn’t eat very much at dinner?” Phil asks, carefully tipping the kettle over the mugs, his tongue poking out slightly in concentration.

Dan shakes his head before realizing Phil can’t see him. “I don’t want any snacks. Phil?” He calls quietly. Phil glances up at him, quirking an eyebrow. “Are we okay?” He asks, his stomach swirling with nerves.

The older man smiles at him, a soft look on his face. “We’re okay,” he reassures Dan.

Nodding, Dan opens the bag of marshmallows and begins dropping them into the mugs, adding six to one of the mugs and three to the rest. When Phil places the kettle back, he moves to carry two of the mugs, a curious look on his face when he sees all the marshmallows floating in the one in Dan’s left hand. At his expression, Dan shrugs and turns to walk upstairs. “That one’s yours,” he says in lieu of an explanation.

He hears a soft laugh behind him as they make their way upstairs. “Do you want to make a whole thing out of this? Go put on some comfy pajamas and have a proper movie night with the kids?” He asks quietly as they get to the lounge.

Dan feels like that’s exactly what they all need tonight. “Absolutely. Hey, guys, why don’t you go ahead and go put your pjs on, and we’ll have a movie night?”

The twins chorus their agreement before rushing down the stairs, Phil’s call to be careful echoing after them. “They’re such good kids,” he says, almost to himself, as he places the mugs he’s carrying onto the coffee table beside the others.

Dan nods his agreement before moving to follow the kids downstairs, Phil following behind him. “They really are,” he agrees, even as he hears them bickering when he walks into his bedroom. He rifles through the dresser to find a t-shirt and some sweatpants, finding his Game of Thrones sweats and an old shirt of Phil’s. He tugs his shirt off and replaces it, glancing over to find Phil doing the same, having dug an old T-shirt out of the closet.

Something catches Dan’s eye and he points to it before Phil can drag the closet door shut. “Can I wear that?” He asks, gesturing to the offending bright green fabric.

Phil frowns, almost to himself, as he stares into the closet, probably trying to figure out what it is Dan wants. When it dawns on him, he looks surprised. “My York hoodie?”

“Yeah,” Dan nods, chewing on his lip as he waits for Phil’s response.

His eyebrows are furrowed as he reaches for the fabric, pulling it off the hanger carefully. “You haven’t wanted to wear this in years,” he observes, handing it over to Dan with what the younger man recognizes as a concerned expression.

Shrugging, Dan pulls the fabric over his head and tugs it down, the smell of Phil nearly overwhelming him. “It’s just comfy,” he says defensively.

Phil quirks an eyebrow at him. “Comfier than your Manchester hoodie, or the Yeezy sweater?”

Dan crinkles his nose. “I don’t know where my Manchester hoodie is, and you hate my Yeezy one.”

There’s a smirk on Phil’s lips as he begins tugging his jeans off, and Dan quickly turns around to do the same. “That’s because it’s ugly,” Phil teases.

Tugging his sweatpants up his legs, Dan turns to give him a look. “It cost more than one of your paychecks,” he deadpans.

Phil quirks an eyebrow at him as he pulls his pajama bottoms on, a smirk on his lips. “I know. I bought it, remember?”

Dan flushes. He did, in fact, remember that. He’d looked at the sweater for several weeks and whined about how expensive it was more than once. Then one day last fall, Phil showed up at Dan’s with a bag, and in it was the sweater. Dan had been so happy, and even now he finds himself smiling softly at the memory.

“Yeah, well…” Dan trails off awkwardly, not sure what to say as he makes his way up the stairs. “Shut up about it, if you thought it was so ugly you shouldn’t have bought it for me.”

The older man shrugs. “You liked it,” he replies, as if that explains it away completely. Dan feels a warmth flood into his chest at the comment, and he’s just about to say something sweet in response when Phil continues. “It still makes you look like a sack of potatoes, though,” he teases, following Dan over to the sofa.

In response to Phil’s comment, Dan huffs as he settles on the sofa, grabbing his fluffy blanket and holding it out for Phil to settle under. “I better get the best damn cuddles in the world since you’re making fun of me,” he demands.

Phil giggles at this, handing Dan his hot chocolate and grabbing his own before settling onto the sofa. He shifts so that his left arm is thrown across the back of the sofa, allowing Dan to snuggle against his side. “I’m sorry, I’ll be nice, I swear.” He’s smiling as he says it, but Dan can tell how pleased he is with himself.

“You’d better,” Dan mumbles, leaning into Phil’s side and making himself comfy. His head is resting on Phil’s shoulder and he has the impulsive desire to press his lips to some part of him. Since they’re having a whole cuddly night anyway, he does just that, subtly pressing his lips to the fabric covering Phil’s shoulder.

Phil tilts his head to look at Dan, and they maintain eye contact for several seconds, but Dan breaks it, looking away when he feels his stomach twisting under Phil’s steady gaze. There’s a soft laugh, and then he feels Phil press a kiss to the curls on his head. “I forgot how cute you look in my hoodie,” he mumbles.

“Yeah?” Dan murmurs back, feeling his heart swell with warmth.

“Yeah,” Phil replies. Whatever he might’ve said next is cut off by the sound of feet thundering up the stairs. Dan nudges Phil to reprimand them, having retired from being the strict parent for the evening. “Guys, we don’t run up the stairs, remember? You could fall and get hurt!”

There’s a pause in the stampede, and when it resumes it’s at a much calmer pace. Dan smiles at the twins as they come into view. “Did you two finally decide on a movie?” He asks with a quirked eyebrow.

“We wanna watch Zootopia!” Amelia announces, coming over to sit next to Dan on the couch.

He glances over at Jaiden, who’s frowning. “That okay with you too, bub?”

Jaiden nods and then points to where Amelia is sitting. “I wanted to sit beside you.”

Dan tries not to smile, but he can’t help it. “C’mere, you can sit in my lap,” he instructs, moving the blanket to allow Jaiden to crawl under and get comfy.

“I want under the covers!” Amelia protests with a pout.

Phil laughs. “Come over here, Mia, you can sit with me.”

Amelia’s face lights up and she quickly hops off the sofa and moves over to Phil, waiting for him to lift the blanket before she crawls onto his lap, settling herself there. Dan figures it’s going to be a pain handing them their hot chocolate when they want to drink it but seeing the happiness on their little faces makes it worth it already. He smiles to himself as he leans forward and grabs the remote, starting the movie.

When he leans back, he makes sure the blanket is tucked around Jaiden enough, struggling to keep it up on his own shoulder. “Here,” Phil whispers, grabbing the corner and tucking it behind Dan’s shoulder neatly. He leaves his arm across the back of the sofa, where his hand can stay pressed against Dan’s shoulder comfortingly. Dan not so subtly shifts so that he’s leaning against Phil’s side, dropping his head back onto his shoulder like before.

The new position results in Phil moving his hand to instead settle in Dan’s hair, petting gently through the curls as the movie begins. Dan feels a warmth in his chest, his eyes moving between the twins as he thinks about how grateful he feels for this life. This life where they could help these children feel safe and loved, in the home they shared. He feels a bit emotional about it all of a sudden, and he swallows hard and tries to focus on the movie so that he doesn’t do something silly like cry.

The twins chatter about the movie quietly, and Dan stays quiet, allowing Phil to remind them to be quiet and watch when they get too rowdy. Eventually they shift and move around to get their drinks and at some point, Jaiden decides he no longer wants to be held and moves to sit beside Dan instead, claiming he isn’t cold. Dan still drapes part of the blanket over his lap, just to be on the safe side.

Amelia falls asleep halfway into the movie, and Phil gently stands, cradling her in his arms to tote her downstairs to bed. “I’ll be right back up, love,” he says to Dan as he makes his way downstairs.

Dan nods silently, watching as Phil carefully carries their foster daughter. He really is such a great dad, and the thought pierces Dan’s heart in a way he really wishes it wouldn’t. He’s almost too wrapped up in his thoughts to hear Jaiden speaking.

“Are we going to finish this without Mia?” He asks.

“We can if you want to. It’s only a little after eight, you can stay up to finish it if you want.” Dan says with a shrug.

Jaiden chews on his lip but nods and moves to finish off his hot chocolate. “Okay. We can finish it.”

Dan smiles at him. “Alright, bub.”

Phil finally comes back upstairs then, running a hand through his hair. Dan holds the blanket up as he sits down, throwing it back over his lap once he’s settled on the sofa. His arm immediately comes up to wrap around Dan, no hesitation at all in the movement.

“We finishing the movie?” He asks.

Jaiden nods. “Just don’t tell Mia.”

Phil laughs but shrugs. “My lips are sealed.” He mimics zipping his lips and throwing away the key, causing Jaiden to giggle at the silly gesture.

Dan rolls his eyes and snuggles up to him, tucking his hands in the pocket of his York hoodie. A thought occurs to him when he sees Phil run a hand through his hair and he tilts his head back and studies it, reaching a hand out to touch the black strands gently. Phil glances at him with an eyebrow raised questioningly.

“Your hair is getting long,” he observes.

Phil smiles. “Yours too,” he nods, lifting a hand to tug through Dan’s curls as if to prove his point.

“We need to go get it cut again soon. Jai too,” he adds, glancing over at the boy, who isn’t paying them any attention.

“Yeah. Probably need to dye mine again once I’ve cut it.” Phil replies, his hand falling from Dan’s hair to rest on the back of his neck.

Dan crinkles his nose at this suggestion. “I think you shouldn’t.”

Phil stares at him in surprise. “Cut it or dye it?”

“Dye it. Definitely needs a trim, but I don’t want you to color it.” He knows realistically that he has no jurisdiction over this, especially given the fact that their current relationship is a fake one, but he has grown rather attached to the idea of a Phil who has more of a natural hair color, peppered in with some grey hairs that prove how much life he’s lived.

Phil frowns as if he’s considering it. “I dunno. Look a bit old, wouldn’t I?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “No, you’d look fine.” He suddenly feels a little awkward for suggesting it at all. “Do what you want, I just thought you might want to do something different.” His gaze is on the TV now, as he’s unwilling to meet Phil’s eyes.

There’s a hum, and Phil gently begins stroking his thumb along the skin of Dan’s neck. “We’ll see,” he says vaguely.

Not that he’ll actually do it, but the idea that he might consider it is enough to have Dan smiling a little. He hides it easily enough by nuzzling against Phil’s shoulder, taking all the warmth he feels in his chest and letting it spread through his body and calm his nerves from everything that’s happened this evening. There’d be a time for a serious discussion about the Levi situation later when they were alone, but for now he only wanted to cuddle with Phil and watch Jaiden watch this movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and leaving comments!! It literally makes my day to see all of you enjoying this story :''') Stay safe!!


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry about the late chapter!! my only excuse is i got caught up with acnh and criminal minds :'')

Jaiden is the next to fall asleep, but Dan isn’t far behind. He doesn’t even realize he’s nodding off until he feels his shoulder being shaken. His eyes flutter open and the first thought he has is that he’s missed the ending of the movie. As his eyes adjust, he glances over and realizes Jaiden’s no longer on the sofa beside him. His eyes flit over to the thing that woke him up and he finds Phil staring at him with a soft look. 

“You fell asleep,” he says, his voice laced with amusement. 

Dan groans and stretches, rolling off Phil’s shoulder and popping his neck. Phil makes a face and Dan smirks at him. “Did you take Jai to bed already?” 

Phil nods. “Yeah he was out about twenty minutes before you were.” 

Dan vaguely remembers seeing him fall asleep, but he must have fallen asleep right after. He glances over at Phil and vaguely recalls him running his hands through his hair like he knew Dan liked. “I wouldn’t have fallen asleep if you weren’t doing that thing,” he accuses light-heartedly. 

“What?” Phil asks, quirking an eyebrow. 

“You know,” Dan gestures vaguely at his own head. When Phil only shakes his head a little, Dan sighs and grabs his hand, bringing it up to settle in his hair. “Do the scratching thing.” 

Phil still looks confused, but he scratches Dan’s scalp gently at the instruction. 

Dan nearly feels like purring at the feeling, leaning into his touch. “Yeah, that. Feels good,” he mumbles, leaning closer to Phil. 

“You’re like a cat,” Phil laughs. He has such a fond look on his face, his fingers still lightly scratching at Dan’s scalp. 

The tv is still playing in the background, but neither of them are looking at it. Dan suddenly realizes how close they are. He knows he shouldn’t, realistically he knows this, but that doesn’t stop him from shifting closer, dropping his hand to rest on Phil’s shoulder. The older man’s hand stops its movement in Dan’s hair, moving to the back of his neck. There’s a pressure there, dragging Dan closer to Phil, and Dan can only comply, until there’s barely an inch separating their lips. Dan can’t hear anything over the roaring of his heartbeat. He can feel his hands shaking, and he knows, he just knows that they shouldn’t do this, that this isn’t something he can undo, but he can’t pull himself away. 

“Dan,” Phil breathes, his breath fanning across Dan’s mouth. 

Dan swallows hard, gripping the fabric of Phil’s T-shirt in his hand. He doesn’t want to respond, he can’t. He can’t acknowledge what’s about to happen, but as he presses closer he knows he’s making a mistake. 

Just before he presses his lips to Phil’s, the silence is interrupted by a sharp cry from downstairs. 

“Daddy!” 

They jump apart, and Dan’s heart is racing even more than before. Phil’s eyes are wide and panicked, and Dan is sure he mirrors the expression. “I have to- um- I should-“ Dan stutters, flailing the blanket off his lap. When he stands, he has to kick wildly a few times to fully untangle his legs from the woolen thing. “Stay here. I’ll-”

Dan’s already halfway down the stairs, leaving Phil gaping after him.

He can feel his heart racing as if he’s just run a marathon or something, and he’s pretty sure his whole body is shaking. He tries hard to pretend that he didn’t almost just kiss his best friend, but he can’t keep the thought out of his head. 

He pushes the door to the kids’ room open, his eyes flickering over to Amelia’s bed, where she’s sat up, arms wrapped around herself as she sobs. “Shh, shh, baby, I’m here,” he coos at her softly as he moves to sit beside her on the bed. 

Amelia hiccups as she crawls into Dan’s lap, latching her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. “I-I-I had-” she hiccups again, her words jumbled together. 

“Shh, Mia calm down. Take a deep breath, okay? Like this.” Dan breathes deeply, to demonstrate. She copies him, taking a few shuddering breaths. He gently wipes her tears away, his heart breaking for her. “Now, are you ready to tell me what happened?” He asks quietly, trying not to wake her brother, who has somehow slept through this. 

“I had a bad dream,” she whispers. 

“Ah,” Dan replies knowingly. “Wanna tell me what it was about?” He encourages gently. 

There’s a long moment of silence before she starts whispering. “I had a dream I was at home, and-and...” she trails off, and Dan hears her sniffle. 

“Shh, love, it’s okay if you can’t tell me.” 

Amelia shakes her head. “I want to tell you,” she says, her voice determined. She leans closer to his ear again, dropping her voice back to a whisper. “In my dream there were people who took us away.” Her voice cracks and he can feel her taking shuddering breaths from where his arms are wrapped around her. 

His heart aches for this child, who has had everything she knows taken from her. “I’m so sorry, love. I’m so sorry that happened to you and Jaiden. I know you miss your mum and dad and your home.”

Amelia suddenly sits back, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows and a confused look on her face. “No, it was here.” 

Now it’s his turn to be confused. “What?” 

“In my dream,” Amelia explains. “They took us from here. And they made us live with someone else.” 

It takes Dan a long moment to process this. When he does, he feels his heart swell to bursting. “Oh,” he chokes out. “Well, you’re safe now. Okay? That was a dream, but you’re here with me and you’re safe.”

“And da-Phil?” She asks. 

Dan’s heart clenches at the mention of his best friend. “Yes. Phil is here, and you and Jaiden are safe with us, okay?” 

Amelia nods slowly, sniffling as she buries her head into his neck. “I didn’t mean to call you ‘daddy’ earlier,” she confesses. 

Dan can’t help but smile at her, stroking her hair softly. “You can call me whatever you want, Mia. If you’re more comfortable with that, it’s fine.”

“Can I call Phil that too?” She asks. 

“I don’t see why not. Or maybe call him something different so we know who you’re talking to. It’s up to you. We’ll figure it out.”

Amelia nods. “Okay.” Dan gently rocks her back and forth, humming under his breath. “Can you sing me to sleep?” She asks. 

“Of course,” he murmurs. He flounders for a moment for something to sing, until his unsteady voice decides on something by Jason Mraz. “I won’t give up,” he sings quietly, still brushing Amelia’s hair back. He can feel her relaxing against him, her breathing evening out. Eventually he realizes she’s asleep and he lays her down gently, tucking the blanket around her. He leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead, studying her sleeping features. Her eyelashes flutter gently in her sleep, and he hopes she’s having the best dreams. 

Quietly and slowly so he doesn’t disturb her, he stands and moves over to Jaiden’s bed, making sure his blankets are tucked around him before pressing a kiss to his forehead. His chest feels tight and he rubs at his eyes as he walks out of their room. 

He nearly screams when he bumps into something, or rather someone, in the hallway. He manages not to, just barely, when he realizes it’s just Phil. “Shit, you scared me,” he breathes. Taking a closer look, he realizes there’s a wetness in Phil’s eyes, and tracks on his cheeks. “Are you- what’s wrong?” He asks, bringing a hand up to gently wipe the tears away. 

“I- I’m sorry, for earlier. I shouldn’t- I don’t even know why-“ Phil stutters, his shoulders shaking. 

Dan can feel something crawling up his throat, an emotion he doesn’t even want to dare name. “It’s not your fault, and nothing-“ he takes a deep breath. “Nothing even happened.”

“But it could’ve! And I could’ve- it would’ve ruined everything! I can’t believe I- I don’t want to do that, I-“ Phil is just stumbling over his words. He’s shaking, Dan notices.

Before he can even think better about it, or really consider any consequences of it, Dan darts forward, pressing his lips to Phil’s gently. He doesn’t linger, and it’s nothing more than a peck, but Phil’s eyes are wide when he leans away. Dan desperately tries to ignore the wild beating of his heart. “There. That didn’t ruin anything, did it?” He asks, feigning casualty. 

Phil stares at him, opening and closing his mouth like he has something to say but isn’t sure how to say it. When he still doesn’t speak, Dan moves past him, moving to their bedroom. “Dan, I-“ 

“It’s late, Phil. We’ve had a long day. Things always feel different at night. Let’s just go to bed, yeah?” He asks, glancing back at Phil with a raised eyebrow. 

The corridor is silent for a moment, as Phil apparently considers this. Finally, he sighs and follows after Dan, his feet dragging the floor like he’d really rather not. It’s a little awkward crawling into bed after that, but Dan manages to shove his nerves down. He tugs the duvet up to his chest, staring up at the ceiling as he feels the mattress shift with Phil’s weight. There’s the quiet sound of his glasses hitting the nightstand, and then he’s mirroring Dan’s position.

“Phil?” Dan calls gently.

“Hm?” The older man responds.

“Nothing’s different, right? We’re okay?” He’s aware of how small his voice is, and he almost feels like covering his face.

The silent pause is too long for Dan’s comfort, and he can feel his eyes burning.

Finally, quietly, Phil speaks. “I don’t know, Dan.”

Dan swallows hard, trying to push the lump in his throat down. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, clenching his eyes shut.

He waits for a moment, but he isn’t doing a terribly good job of controlling his face, so he rolls over, turning his back to Phil, trying to shield himself from the hurt. He curls in on himself, trying to make himself as small as possible on his side of the bed. His next breath comes out as a gross sniffle.

A weight suddenly falls across his waist, warmth enveloping his back. He can’t help the quiet gasp that falls from his lips, tilting his head enough to glance back at Phil. Blue, blue eyes stare back at him, looking somehow still fond. “I don’t want you to go to sleep crying,” he whispers.

Dan can’t help but let out a wet chuckle. He wipes at his eyes quickly, trying to cover up any evidence of his emotions. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. 

Phil shrugs, gently carding a hand through Dan’s curls, scratching his scalp lightly. “I know,” he replies. “You probably shouldn’t have…”

“I know.”

There’s a sigh, Phil’s breath fanning across the back of his neck. “Let’s sleep? Please?”

Dan nods, swallowing hard. He doesn’t want to cross any more boundaries tonight, but he reaches his hand down, searching for Phil’s. Luckily, Phil doesn’t pull away, and instead intertwines their fingers, squeezing Dan’s hand. We’re going to be fine, Dan thinks to himself as he closes his eyes. He feels Phil squeeze his waist, and a pressure on the back of his head.

~~~

The next few days feel a little tense, but there’s just too much going on for them to waste any more energy worrying about it, and things go back to normal. Between work and school and trying to raise twins, the incident seems almost like it had just been some sort of dream, at least to Dan. After they’ve settled back into their routine, Dan realizes they never really finished discussing the Levi situation. This time, however, he makes sure to bring it up in a more subtle way, desperate to not start yet another argument.

He waits until after dinner when the kids are getting ready for bed. He and Phil were stood side by side at the sink doing dishes, Dan washing while Phil dried. They had been joking around about one of Phil’s coworkers and how they’d apparently quit today but eventually they’d settled into a comfortable sort of silence. Dan was trying to convince himself to just mention it, casting glances over at Phil as if he could just transfer what he was thinking straight into the other man’s mind. He wished it was that easy sometimes.

“So, you know we never really got back around to talking about Levi,” Dan says eventually, checking to make sure the kids hadn’t suddenly appeared in the kitchen. He looks down at the plate he’s scrubbing, trying to feign nonchalance.

Phil makes a considering noise before saying, “Yeah?”

Dan nods, still avoiding eye contact. “Yeah.”

“Has Hazel called you again?” Phil asks, holding his hand out for the plate Dan is rinsing off. Dan hands it over, their fingers brushing as he shakes his head.

“No, not yet. She said it might be a while.”

Phil hums. “It’s been a week, hasn’t it?”

Dan shrugs noncommittally, as if he didn’t already know the answer. “I guess.”

They’re quiet for several minutes. “Maybe you ought to call her and ask what the holdup is?”

His heart is beating a little faster at the casualty in Phil’s voice, but he’s trying to convince himself not to get too excited. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Phil hums. “Are you done with that glass?”

Dan hands it over numbly, staring over at Phil now. He’s abandoned the dishes for the time being, too caught up in the idea that Phil might be implying that he wants to try and go through with the Levi fostering thing. Still, Dan wants it spelled out for him. “Do you want to foster him?”

Phil sighs, drying the glass carefully, taking his time. Finally, he looks up at Dan. “I want to do whatever is best for our kids, and if you think that reuniting them with their brother is it, I want to do it.” He gets a soft look on his face then, his hand coming up to brush Dan’s curls off his forehead a bit. 

Dan can feel his heart constrict at those words. “So, you’ll stay? If they decide to let him come live here?”

There’s an odd look of absolute confusion, immediately followed by horror, that flickers across Phil’s face. “God, Dan. Did you really think I was going to leave?”

Embarrassed, Dan glances back down at the dishes in the sink, shrugging. “Not really? But I don’t know, really.”

Phil laughs softly, and Dan feels him press a kiss to his shoulder, though it’s immediately followed by a gentle headbutt. Dan makes an offended noise and rubs at his shoulder as if he’s hurt, causing Phil to roll his eyes. “No, you weirdo, I wasn’t going to leave. I just wanted it to be a decision we made together, you know?”

Nodding, Dan sends him a sheepish smile. “Well, at least now I know you’re not going to jump ship the first chance you get,” he jokes.

“No offense, but if I was going to jump ship, it probably would have been before you asked me to do this in the first place.” He’s got his tongue between his teeth in Dan’s favorite smile, but his words make Dan falter.

Staring down at the dishes, he tries for a smile. “I really owe you my whole life, you know? You didn’t… You really didn’t have to agree to it, but… I’m so glad you did.” He feels too vulnerable, but he looks up to meet Phil’s gaze, trying to convey how serious he is.

There’s a fond smile on Phil’s face. “I wanted to do this too, Dan. I didn’t just do you a favor, I wanted to do something good for kids that needed a parent. You just gave me a way to do it.”

Dan nods, dipping the plate in his hand under the faucet to rinse it off. “I know, but still… Thanks.”

Phil leans over, pressing a kiss to Dan’s temple like he does so often these days. “So, are you going to call Hazel?”

Dan selfishly wishes that Phil hadn’t stepped a little further away to ask the question, but he keeps that thought to himself. “I might send her an email first, because she might be having a hard time getting in touch with the person in charge of Levi’s case.”

“I still can’t believe you were right about it being their brother,” Phil says, shaking his head. He sounds mildly impressed, and Dan smirks.

“Would you have preferred that it was a ghost, like you thought?” he snarks back.

Phil sticks his tongue out childishly. “Maybe a ghost would have made a cool movie idea!” 

Dan laughs at this. “Oh, fuck off,” he says, flicking some of the bubbles at Phil. 

“Hey!” Phil protests, wiping the bubbles off indignantly. “I’ll get you for that,” he promises. 

Dan simpers. “Oh, I’d love to see you try.”

Suddenly, Phil gets a dangerous glint in his eye, setting the towel down on the counter gently before stepping closer to Dan. Immediately, Dan steps back, shifting so that his back is to the sink, is hands held out in front of him in case he needs to ward off any tickling. Phil only steps closer, grinning as he steps forward, almost as if he’s just going to give Dan a hug. Dan doesn’t trust him, leaning away as far as he can. 

Before he even has time to react, Phil lunges forward, making Dan let out a yelp. Instead of tickling him like Dan assumed he was going to do, Phil hands go behind him for some reason, Dan’s face twisting in confusion. “What are you- Phil!” He screams just as Phil brings his soapy hands up to Dan’s curls. 

Water and bubbles run over his hair and down the back of his neck, and he squeals as he tries to jerk away from Phil’s hands. “I told you!” Phil responds, eyes wild with delight. 

“No! Stop!” Dan yells, laughing as Phil reaches a hand out to keep him trapped in front of the sink, his other hand dipping back in the water for more ammunition. 

Dan’s hair gets another round of soap, and he’s yelling profanities the whole time. Alarmed, and probably only thinking of the kids, Phil slaps his bubbly hand over his mouth to silence him. “Daniel!” He whisper-yells through a laugh. “Careful, little ears!” Dan mumbles under his hand but Phil only raises an eyebrow. “Do we need to put some soap in there to help with that filthy mouth of yours?” 

There’s a blush threatening his cheeks, but Dan rolls his eyes and instead decides to be cheeky. He chomps gently on Phil’s palm, the older man yelping and ripping his hand away immediately. Dan makes mischievous eye contact with Phil, and slowly, deliberately, says, “Fuck.” 

Phil stares at his hand, then looks at Dan. “You bit me,” he says, sounding surprised. 

“I did.” 

“Better watch your back, Howell. You never know when I might get you back for that one.”

Dan splutters indignantly as he runs a towel over his hair to clear the bubbles away. “You- I- that was revenge! For putting soap in my hair!” He rinses off another plate and shoves it over to Phil. 

Phil smiles sweetly at him, drying off the plate Dan hands him. “I was just helping you out, Dan. Your hair was looking a bit greasy, I figured I’d help you wash it.”

“I don’t want my hair washed in the middle of our kitchen, thanks. I’d much rather it be washed in the bath,” Dan says, almost unthinkingly.

There’s a snort of laughter from beside him. “Do you want me to wash your hair for you for real?” He sounds oddly serious, and his tone causes Dan to whip around, staring at him incredulously.

“Are you… Are you joking?”

Phil shrugs, looking a little confused. “I mean, if you really wanted me to…” He trails off, his cheeks getting a rosy quality that hadn’t been there before.

Dan smiles. “That’s really sweet, Philly.”

Phil crinkles his nose. “I hate that, your free hair wash is revoked.”

“No!” Dan whines playfully. “I wanted to cash in my hair wash coupon!”

“Too bad!” Phil giggles, sticking his tongue out at him.

Dan hands him the last dish in the sink to be dried before turning around and sending him a playful glare. “You said nothing about the coupon expiring, mate.”

“I didn’t say anything about it not expiring, either.” Phil smirks as he puts the glass in the cupboard with the others, tossing the towel on the counter to be dealt with later.

Muttering under his breath jokingly, Dan makes his way to their bedroom to get his laptop. He would probably stay in their room until the kids were ready for bed, then go tuck them in. He wasn’t feeling up to watching anything right now, so he figured he’d go on a Wikipedia binge instead. 

He’s already settled himself onto his side of the bed with his laptop when Phil comes waltzing in with a bag of mini marshmallows. “Whatcha doing?” He asks, mimicking the little girl from Phineas and Ferb. 

Dan rolls his eyes at his goofy smile. “The real question is what are you doing with those sweets? It’s nearly eight o’clock, Philly.” 

Phil sighs dramatically before settling himself on the bed. “You know my sweet tooth is always worse at night, Danny, I don’t know why you pretend otherwise.”

“Ew, first of all, don’t call me Danny. We aren’t American.” Dan forces a dramatic shiver. “Secondly, your sweet tooth is going to rot and fall out of your mouth along with all of your other teeth soon enough. Third, you’d better not eat so many that you can’t sleep and keep me up all night.”

“Okay, dad,” Phil snarks, rolling his eyes playfully. 

Dan shoots him an unamused look. “I’m still not friends with you anymore,” he declares. 

Phil’s eyes widen comically. “Why not?” 

“Because you took away my free hair wash!” Dan shouts, punctuating his outburst with a giggle. 

Phil sighs deeply, clearly putting on a show. “I mean, I suppose I could reissue the coupon.” His voice lingers on an unspoken “but.”

“Okay, but... what? What do you want from me?” He’s still pretty sure they’re mostly kidding, but if Phil isn’t... well he’s got boundaries, obviously, but he did quite enjoy getting his hair washed by another person. 

Phil grins. “I want a milkshake.”

Dan blinks. 

“Right now?” He balks. 

“Yes.”

“Phil... babe, it’s literally eight pm.”

“Yeah, and I want a milkshake.”

Dan sighs, staring at Phil for a long moment. Phil’s gaze is completely unwavering, and it’s clear he isn’t backing down. Finally, Dan caves. “Alright, you’ll get your bleeding milkshake, and your fucking ten quid from the tooth fairy. But I’m ordering it to arrive after the kids have gone to bed. We can’t have them getting upset that they didn’t get one as well.” 

Phil claps excitedly, the bag of marshmallows falling and spilling out on the duvet, ten quid smile splitting his face. 

“Phillll,” Dan whines. 

“Oops,” the older man says cheekily, grinning as he scoops them up and pops them into his mouth all at once. “Shorry, Dan,” he mumbles around them. 

Dan makes a face at him. “Swallow before you speak, you big freak.”

Phil swallows after a moment before getting a smirk on his face. “Hey Dan, do you like sea food?” He asks before popping another handful of marshmallows in his mouth. 

Dan cringes, already knowing exactly where this is going. “No, I-“

“See food!” He announces gleefully, showcasing his mouth full of half-chewed sweets. 

“Okay, ew, you’re gross. I don’t have to get you that milkshake, you know. I can wash my own damn hair.” Even as he says it, he’s pulling the website for the milkshake place up on his laptop.

“But wouldn’t it be nice to just let me do it?” Phil hums sweetly, leaning in and lightly scratching along Dan’s scalp in that way he likes so much. 

Dan sighs, repressing a shiver. “Fine, whatever. I better get the best damn hair wash on this planet. Full salon employee.”

Phil laughs at this before shifting, rising from the bed. “I’m gonna go check on the kids and make sure they’re ready for bed.”

“Kay, I’ll be there in a minute,” Dan replies as he scrolls through the options on the website for milkshake delivery. Phil really was a spoiled brat, but for now he was Dan’s spoiled brat. 

After ordering the milkshake and setting the delivery time for half an hour from now, Dan closes his laptop and sets it on his nightstand. He’s pretty sure that Phil isn’t kidding about the whole hair wash thing and he’s not quite sure how to feel about it at the moment. He’s almost hoping that he just forgets or something, but secretly he is looking forward to it. It’s nice to have your hair washed by someone else, even if that person is your best friend who you’re pretending to be engaged to. 

“Alright, go tell Danny good night.” He hears Phil’s voice trail down the hallway and cringes at the nickname he’s used. 

“He told us he didn’t like that one,” Jaiden’s voice responds, mustering all the disdain a six-year-old can in his tone. 

Phil laughs as they walk into the bedroom, smiling down at the twins. “He doesn’t, but he won’t care if you call him that.”

Dan crosses his arms playfully as Amelia climbs onto the bed beside him. “Alright, just go ahead and speak for me, why don’t you.” 

Amelia regards him with a smile. “I didn’t call you that,” she brags before crawling into his lap and throwing her arms around his neck. 

“That’s why you’re my favorite daughter named Amelia,” Dan jokes, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

She grins widely when she pulls away. “I’m your only daughter named Amelia,” she reminds him. A look of panic crosses her face for a moment. “Right?” 

Dan laughs, nodding as he brushes a stray hair behind her ear. “Yeah, love, you’re my only daughter, period.”

“Am I your favorite son?” Jaiden says quietly from beside the bed. 

Dan tentatively holds his arms out, giving Jaiden the choice in whether or not he wanted to be held. Surprising Dan, and from the sound of his gasp, Phil, Jaiden lifts his arms up for Dan to pick him up. He lifts the boy onto the bed beside him, giving him a hug as he sends a smile to Phil over Jaiden’s head. Phil’s eyes appear a little shiny behind his glasses, and Dan can’t help but find that endearing. 

“Of course you’re my favorite son,” Dan says to Jaiden, ruffling his hair gently. “You’re my only one, remember?” Dan tries not to feel like he’s lying then, considering the fact that they know about Levi, even though the twins aren’t aware that they know. 

A glimpse of sadness flickers across Jaiden’s face before he smiles. Dan’s heart squeezes in his chest. “Yeah,” he says softly. 

Dan presses a kiss to his hair. “Love you, Jai-bird.” Jaiden nuzzles against him in response. Amelia huffs from her spot atop of Dan’s legs. Rolling his eyes, Dan reaches out and boops her nose. “I love you too, Princess.” 

A grin lights up her face and she leans into another hug. “Love you, Dan.”

He tries not to feel disappointed that she isn’t calling him something else. 

“Alright, I think it’s bedtime, everyone. Tell Dan goodnight so I can tuck you in,” Phil announces, his arms crossed as he watches from near the door. 

“Goodnight,” the twins chorus, just barely out of sync. 

“Night, kiddos. Love you both. Have sweet dreams.” He presses kisses to both their heads before helping them climb off the bed. He glances up at Phil, quirking an eyebrow. “Good?” He asks. 

Phil smiles back at him with a nod. “Yeah, I’ve got this. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Dan nods, watching them walk out of the room. He can hear the twins talking, and Phil’s voice responding lowly. He figures they’re requesting what kind of story they want to hear, and he smiles at the idea of Phil telling them a made-up fairytale. 

A few minutes later, Phil is walking back into the bedroom, a mischievous smile on his face. “What?” Dan demands immediately.

“I dunno, Danny. I think it might be... milkshake time.” He punctuates his words with a grin, and Dan groans. 

“I ordered it to arrive soon. Give it like five minutes, Jesus you’re impatient.”

“I’m not Jesus but I guess you can call me whatever you want.” 

Dan cocks an eyebrow at him. “You’re so weird, Phil Lester.”

Phil rolls his eyes and flops onto the bed beside him. “Weirdness is like the most fundamental aspect of my personality, Daniel.”

“What is with you and all the weird variations of my name today? It’s Dan, come on, you’ve known me for ten years.”

“I like Danny,” Phil says with a shrug. “I think it’s a cute nickname.”

Dan levels him with an unimpressed stare. “I’d rather you called me literally anything else.”

Phil smirks. “Are you sure about that... baby?” He’s dropped his voice lower and Dan pretends his face isn’t heating up. 

Dan pretends to vomit with a vile retching noise.

Phil cackles beside him. “Admit it, you don’t care what nickname I use.”

Dan shakes his head, glancing at the time on his phone. “It should be milkshake time, are you going to make me go fetch it?” He’s actively avoiding Phil’s comment, but luckily the older man doesn’t seem to notice. 

Phil gives him puppy dog eyes at this. “I’m washing your hair, remember? So, you have to go speak to the delivery man.”

Groaning, Dan throws his legs off the bed to go get the door. “You brat,” he mutters, hiding his smile when Phil beams after him. 

He hears the beep signaling that the delivery man is downstairs, so he makes his way to the panel to open the door for him. A few moments later, there’s a knock on the door. The exchange is quick and a little awkward, as when the delivery man says, “Enjoy your shake,” Dan responds with, “You too!” He immediately passes on to greener pastures, but luckily the other man doesn’t seem to catch it. 

“I just told the delivery man to enjoy his milkshake too, so you should appreciate the sacrifice I’ve made,” Dan announces dramatically when he enters the bedroom. 

Phil laughs, making grabby hands for the milkshake. “Give it, give it!”

“You’re such a child,” Dan huffs. “Here’s your bloody milkshake.”

Phil’s nose crinkles as he takes the cup. “Don’t call it bloody, that’s gross. What if someone actually made them out of blood? Like for vampires?” His eyes are wide now, as if he’s seriously concerned about this. 

Dan stares at him. “You should get that checked out.” He moves to sit in front of where Phil is sat with his legs crossed. 

“What?” Phil asks, confused. 

“That thing you call a brain,” Dan teases. 

Phil splutters. “Rude!” 

Dan snickers, nudging Phil’s leg with his own. “Give me that, I want to try it.”

“No! You’re bullying me, you haven’t earned it.”

“I paid for it!” 

“I’ll pay for your mum- wait no-“ 

“Phil!” Dan collapses into giggles. “Give it, you owe me.”

Phil sighs but holds the cup out. Rather than take it, Dan leans forward and puts the straw in his mouth to get a sip. It’s not melted enough for it to flow through the straw as smooth as he’d like, so he’s left to just make eye contact with Phil while he frustratedly waits for the dessert to crawl up the plastic. 

There’s a soft look on Phil’s face as he watches Dan. Phil leans in, and before Dan has a chance to pull away, he presses a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for getting me a milkshake, Bear.” 

Dan can feel his face flushing at their proximity, and as soon as his mouth fills with a sip of the milkshake, he leans away. “I mean, obviously I’m just in this for the hair wash and the free sips,” he quips, a little louder than he’d intended. 

Phil rolls his eyes, and it feels like whatever tension had been building is broken. “Whatever. Do you want to go ahead and have the hair wash since this needs to melt some more?” Feeling a little awkward all of a sudden, Dan manages a silent shrug. Phil gives him an odd look before gesturing to the bathroom. “Come on, then.”

He follows Phil into the bathroom, hovering awkwardly near the sink as Phil moves to get a towel out of the cupboard. “Er- should I just like lean over the sink or something?” Dan asks awkwardly. 

“What?” Phil asks, sending him a weird look. “No, I figured you’d just get in the bath.”

Dan’s positive his eyes are about to fall out of his skull. “What?” He squeaks. “I’ll- I have to- naked!” He’s very clearly panicking, but Phil doesn’t even appear to see the issue. 

Phil rolls his eyes. “Put some bubbles and a bath bomb in and I won’t see your precious jewels.”

Dan squawks, quite undignified. “Don’t talk about- that!” 

A giggle falls from Phil’s lips. “Why are you getting all worked up? You’re always making horrible inappropriate jokes, why can’t I?” 

His face heating up, Dan crosses his arms sullenly. “I don’t want my “precious jewels” to be the subject of your jokes, thanks.”

Phil rolls his eyes before moving over to begin running the water. “Pick out a bath bomb and things,” he says, waving his hand vaguely.

Dan sets his jaw, his skin itching with a strange sensation as he tries to decide how he feels about this particular situation. “I’m not gonna, like, strip in front of you or whatever.”

Phil shoots him an unimpressed look over his shoulder. “I didn’t say you had to. I’ll step out and let you get settled, then call me back in when you’re ready.”

Chewing on his lip, Dan considers this. It’s not like Phil’s never seen him naked, they’ve known each other for ten years and lived together for seven, they’d both seen their fair share of skin. And it wasn’t like it meant anything. It was just a harmless, friendly hair wash. While Dan was naked. In a bubble bath. 

Nothing weird about that at all. 

“You don’t have to,” Phil finally says softly, probably sensing Dan’s discomfort. “If it makes you that uncomfortable. I wanted to do something nice for you and I thought you might appreciate a bubble bath and just letting me take care of you, but...” he shrugs, raising his hand to scratch at the back of his neck in an awkward fashion. “If you really don’t want to, I won’t make you.”

Dan’s heart clenches at his words. Phil’s not trying to make him feel weird. He’s still just Phil, his best friend and lifelong companion. Despite whatever mental battle is raging in Dan’s head on the contrary, those are still the facts. Another fact, he realizes, is that he wants that. He wants to be taken care of, just for today, just for a little while. And if Phil is offering that for free, then...

“Okay. I’ll call you back in here in a minute.” He moves over to where he keeps his bath bombs and things like that beside the bathtub, perusing the selection. 

A bright smile works its way onto Phil’s face as he drops the towel onto the vanity. “Okay.” He steps forward but hesitates and seems to rethink whatever he was about to do. “Okay,” he repeats before retreating from the bathroom and pulling the door shut behind him. 

Dan gives himself a moment to breathe and remind himself that there’s nothing to feel weird about. As soon as he’s settled that in his mind, he drops a bath bomb into the water, followed by a splash of bubbles. He considers throwing in some salts as well but can’t find the vanilla scented ones he likes so much. He peels his clothes off and tosses them in a heap to the side before settling into the tub. One of the things he loved about this flat was the fact that the master bathroom had such a huge bathtub, something he’d taken advantage of many times. 

After settling into the bathtub and letting the water rise enough, Dan clears his throat. “Phil?” He calls quietly.

There’s a beat of silence before Dan hears a light knock on the door. “Are you decent?”

Dan huffs out a laugh. “I’m naked, mate, but sure, you can come in.”

The door opens slowly, and Dan watches in the mirror as Phil pokes his head around. A small smile is on his lips as he steps further into the room, a bundle of clothes in his hand. “You didn’t grab any clothes, so I grabbed some pajamas for you.” He sets them on the vanity before walking closer to the bathtub.

Dan tries not to feel awkward and exposed, even though he knows technically he is. The bath bomb he’d chosen turned the water black, and with the bubbles spreading atop the water, he knows that there’s little to no chance that Phil can see anything. “Thanks,” he says, nodding to the clothes. “You can’t… you can’t see anything, right?” He asks awkwardly, shifting in the water and trying to keep his hands from settling anywhere inappropriate.

Phil settles him with an amused stare. “No, Dan. I can’t see your- thing.”

Dan splutters offendedly. “Don’t- Phil!”

There’s a giggle as Phil settles on the side of the tub, close to Dan’s head. “Relax, Dan, I’m just teasing. Hand me the shampoo.”

Trying to hide his nervousness, Dan grabs the bottle and hands it over, not even looking at Phil as he does. “Here.”

Phil sets it aside and shifts so that he’s sort of facing Dan rather than facing the same direction as him. “Close your eyes so I can wet your hair,” he says quietly. 

Dan does as he’s instructed, closing his eyes and dropping his head back. He feels the water lap at his chest as Phil dips his hand in, scooping up a handful of the water to douse Dan’s hair. After a few quiet moments, he seems to deem it wet enough and Dan listens to the sound of the shampoo bottle being squeezed as Phil pours some out on his hand. 

“Keep your eyes closed,” he breathes. 

Sure to obey the command, Dan barely moves, keeping very still as Phil lathers his hair with fruity scented shampoo. “Smells good,” he mumbles, relaxing completely into Phil’s touches. 

“Yeah?” Phil asks, sounding amused. “I know it’s not the kind you normally use, but I thought it smelled nice.”

“It does.” Dan nearly moans when Phil starts scratching his scalp gently. “Feels good, too.” 

There’s a laugh from beside him. “Good,” Phil replies. After a moment, he says, “not weird?”

Dan hums, considering it. “No, I don’t think so. It’s good.” 

“Good,” Phil repeats once more. 

It’s hard for Dan to tell how long Phil spends there, just gently massaging the shampoo into his curls, but eventually, he begins rinsing it off. Dan makes a noise of protest, and Phil snorts. “Relax, I’ll condition it, too.”

“Thanks, babe.” Dan’s lips quirk up into a smirk, really only intending it to be a joke. 

Phil doesn’t laugh. “Hand me the conditioner.”

Dan hands him the bottle silently and the process repeats, although this time Phil pulls his hands away sooner. “Conditioner is supposed to sit for a few minutes, right?” 

Dan shrugs at this, not particularly concerned with the rules of hair care right now. “Maybe?”

“We’re going to let it sit for a few minutes. I think it’s supposed to be good for your hair.” He dips his hands into the water, undoubtedly rinsing off the conditioner, but still he leaves them in the water. 

“Thank you,” Dan whispers a moment later, his eyes flickering from the water to meet Phil’s gaze. 

“Hm?” Phil replies, as if he hadn’t been staring right at Dan as he spoke. 

“Thank you. For washing my hair and taking care of me.” Dan feels a little awkward repeating himself, but he forces himself to do it. 

Phil smiles at him, reaching a hand out and gently tucking some hair behind Dan’s ear. “I’m glad you let me.” He continues petting the hair at the shell of Dan’s ear, a soft look on his face. “You’ve really grown up,” he says suddenly, looking a little lost.

Dan chuckles, subtly shifting his head against Phil’s hand. “Have I?”

“Yeah,” he says simply. “You’re taller now.”

An unexpected cloud of laughter bursts from Dan’s lips at this. “Are you still salty about me being taller than you?”

Phil grins. “A little bit. You’re younger! You shouldn’t be taller, as well.”

“You’re taller than Martyn,” Dan acknowledges with a nod.

“Well, yeah, but that’s because I’m the cool brother. The cool brother gets to be taller.”

Dan places a hand on his heart, feigning surprise. “Phil Lester, are you saying that I’m the cool brother in my family?”

Phil squints at him. “I dunno, I don’t know much about Adrian, but he is a cool marathon runner, so…” He trails off, as if he’s trying to decide. “I dunno, mate, that is a heavy competition there.”

“If I wasn’t sitting naked in a bath, I would fight you right now,” Dan informs him.

There’s a laugh then, as Phil dips his hands back into the water, cupping some of it in his hand. “Lean your head back again, you spoon.”

Dan tries to hide his smile as he tilts his head back, closing his eyes as he feels the water run over his hair. He winces a little when Phil tugs on his hair, forcing his head back further. “Oi,” he mumbles.

“I’ll get it in your eyes if you’re not leaning back more,” Phil warns.

Muttering to himself, Dan allows his head to rest back at an almost uncomfortable angle, letting Phil pour the water over in a soothing motion. He’s humming to himself under his breath, the silence of the bathroom driving him a little bit crazy.

“Is that Muse?” Phil asks, clearly amused.

“Shut up,” Dan replies, lifting a hand to flick some water in Phil’s general direction.

Before Phil has a chance to respond, they’re interrupted by a noise on the other side of the bathroom door.

“Daddy?”

Dan’s eyes fly open, and he glances at the door, panicking internally. He moves to sit up before remembering his current state of undress, his face flooding with color when he sees Phil watching him.

A hand comes to fall on his shoulder, forcing him to relax. “Relax, I’ve got this, Dan,” He assures. Dan relaxes back into the water, forcing himself not to freak out at the fact that their six-year-old daughter is on the other side of the door right now. “What is it, Mia?” Phil calls out.

Dan’s eyes go wide, and he stares at Phil incredulously. “What the hell?” He whisper-yells.

Phil glances at him, surprised. “What?”

“You can’t- she shouldn’t- I’m literally naked right now, Phil, she can’t come in here.”

The older man rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to let her come in, chill. Mia, is something wrong?”

There’s silence followed by a loud sniffle. “I had a bad dream,” She responds weakly.

Dan’s heart clenches and again he moves, almost as if he’s about to climb out of the bathtub, Phil be damned. “Dan, stop. I’ll go.” Phil’s voice is tight, as if he’s annoyed. He stands abruptly, moving over to the vanity and grabbing the towel he’d left there, holding it out for Dan to grab. “Here.” He doesn’t look back at Dan as he moves towards the door.

As soon as Phil has closed the door behind himself, Dan climbs out of the bathtub, his stomach twisting with nerves as he towels off before throwing on the clothes Phil brought him. He barely reacts when he sees one of Phil’s t-shirts rather than his own, his mind set on the feeling that something is wrong. After pulling the tab to drain the bathtub, he runs the towel through his curls before moving to the door. He pauses when he hears voices, leaning in to listen to the conversation.

“Love, shh, it’s okay. You’re safe, I promise.” Phil is saying gently. Dan can just imagine him stood there with Amelia, probably petting her hair as he tries to sooth her. Dan’s heart clenches at the thought.

“Where’s Daddy?” Amelia asks.

As if on cue, Dan pushes the door open, his eyes falling on Phil, who’s sat on the floor, Amelia cradled in his lap. They both look up at him as soon as he walks in, looking surprised. “I’m here, love,” he says gently, crouching down beside them both. “What’s wrong?”

Amelia sniffs, her little fists clutched around Phil’s shirt tightly. “I had a bad dream,” she mumbles.

“Yeah?” Dan coaxes gently. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

She seems to consider this, but after a moment she shakes her head.

Dan raises his gaze to meet Phil’s pained one. His eyes swim with uncertainty, and Dan nods to the bed. “Do you want to sleep in here with us tonight?”

Slowly, she nods. “Can I?”

“Of course, Princess. C’mon. Phil will put you in bed.” Dan meets Phil’s gaze again, and finds a more relaxed look on his face, almost grateful that Dan is taking control of the situation.

Phil carefully stands and totes Amelia over to their bed, placing her close to the middle before moving away, grabbing a plushy off the floor. She must’ve brought it in with her and dropped it, Dan reckons. He moves over to his side of the bed, turning his lamp on before moving over to flick the main light off. “Scoot over,” he jokes to her, pulling the duvet back before crawling under it to lay beside her.

This is a little uncharted territory for both him and Phil, and he’s honestly surprised that Amelia even felt comfortable enough to ask to sleep in here. He figures that whatever dream she had must’ve been a really bad one, and his heart clenches at the thought. He glances over her head at Phil, who’s placing his glasses on his nightstand. Amelia rolls closer to Dan, turning to look at Phil as he lays down on the bed on her other side.

“Are you okay, Mia?” Dan asks her, petting her hair softly.

She nods, hugging her plushy to her chest tightly. “Just scared,” She mumbles.

Dan nods, looking over at Phil to gauge how he’s feeling right now. The other man is already looking back at him, and he sends Dan a small smile. “Okay?” Dan mouths to him. Phil responds with a nod, glancing down at the child between them.

“I’m sorry you had a scary dream, love,” he says quietly to her.

Amelia nods before scooting forward, snuggling into Phil’s chest. His eyes widen and he looks up at Dan, shock covering his features. Dan tries to hide his smile, shrugging. Phil tentatively wraps an arm around her, stroking her back gently.

“Can you sing to me?” She whispers suddenly.

If Phil looked panicked before, it’s nothing compared to the look on his face now. Dan can’t help but giggle. “Oh, um…” Phil trails off awkwardly. “I can’t really- I’m not a very good singer.”

There’s a beat of silence before Amelia tilts her head back, looking up at Phil and giving him a sheepish smile. “I was talking to Dan.”

Dan can’t help himself. He lets out a snort, which quickly turns into giggles when Phil shoots him a betrayed look. “I’m sorry, that was just-“ He gasps, trying to catch his breath. “It was too good, sorry.”

Phil fake pouts, closing his eyes as if he can’t bear to look at either of them. “Fine,” he sighs.

Amelia giggles at their antics, reaching up to pet his cheek. “It’s okay, not everyone can sing. Dan’s not very good, either.”

“Hey!” Dan protests over the hoot of laughter Phil lets out.

“I’m sorry!” Amelia insists. “You’re good at stories,” she offers.

Dan rolls his eyes, rolling over onto his other side to face away from the two of them. “Whatever, I’m going to sleep over here since no one loves me, apparently.”

There’s a set of giggles behind him, followed by silence, interrupted by hushed whispers. Dan’s immediately suspicious, tensing as he wonders what they’re up to. Before he has the chance to roll over and ask, he feels little arms and legs scrambling over him, not so gently kneeing him in the ribs. “Ow!” He whines as Amelia sends him an apologetic glance, now sitting in front of him.

“Sorry,” she apologizes. She holds her plushy out to him, a timid look on her face. “You can snuggle with Mr. Whiskers, if you want.”

Dan would never admit it, but he feels his eyes water at the sweet gesture. Children really were something else sometimes. “No, that’s-“ he pauses, clearing his throat when he realizes how choked up he sounds. “That’s alright, you can snuggle with him.”

“Her,” Amelia corrects.

A smile quirks onto his lips. “Right, her. My bad.”

Amelia smiles before poking Dan’s cheek, where his dimple lives. “I can snuggle you, so you’re not by yourself,” she offers.

Dan grins, scooting back on the bed to give her space to lay down. He feels his back press against something, but before he has a chance to apologize to Phil for getting in his personal space, he feels the other man press against his back, tossing his arm around his torso. His heart floods with warmth as he does the same to Amelia, tucking the blanket around her and her plushy neatly. “Night, love,” he whispers to her, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her hair.

“Goodnight,” she replies, yawning.

Fingers dig into Dan’s side gently, and he rolls his eyes but tilts his head to look back at Phil. Those big blue eyes pout at him, clearly waiting for something. Dan lets out a dramatic sigh before craning his neck and pressing a kiss to Phil’s cheek. “Goodnight, spork.”

He receives a pinch in return, but it’s followed by a kiss pressed to his damp curls, and he smiles despite himself.

Yeah, it was a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! (Sorry again for the late update!)


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has a rough mental day. Phil is there to comfort him.

It’s a few days later that Dan wakes up with a feeling he hasn’t had in months. Everything is dull, and grey around the edges. He feels every breath he takes in scrape against the walls of his throat, like swallowing cotton balls. Even without opening his eyes, he knows they feel weak, unfocused. He doesn’t even have the energy to be disappointed that he’s having yet another depressive episode, that’s how bad it is. He doesn’t have the energy to feel anything.

He sits in a heavy silence, the emptiness in his head echoing around in his skull. He wonders briefly what time it is, and there’s a stir of something, almost panic, at the idea that he might be late for work, or for taking the kids to school. Even that doesn’t pull him from the fog, and in fact he only feels that he’s sinking deeper into helplessness, uselessness, at the idea that he can’t even get up and do what is required of him for his family.

His family.

He has a family, sort of. Two kids. A partner who isn’t technically his partner in the conventional sense, but his life companion and best friend none the less.

Dan’s mind drifts emptily to a place of guilt, wondering how Phil would feel knowing that he’s poisoned their bed with his cloud of desaturation and nothingness. He wonders if it will annoy him, if this will be the final straw for Phil. Maybe he’ll be mad and yell, or maybe he’ll just be silent in his anger, seething in his head at the fact that his useless flatmate can’t even get out of bed-

Before he can follow that rabbit down the hole of self-loathing, he hears the bathroom door open. Up until then, he hadn’t even realized the bed was empty, or at least he hadn’t been aware enough to care just yet.

He opens his eyes for the first time this morning to watch as Phil steps out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel slung low around his hips. He doesn’t seem to realize that Dan is awake yet, humming lightly under his breath. Dan can just barely pick out the melody as a One Direction song, but he can’t focus enough to decide which one. His eyes follow Phil as he moves to their dresser, watching as he holds the towel up with one hand, rummaging through one of his drawers with the other.

Dan almost wants to apologize. He’s not sure for what, but right now he just feels useless and heavy and nothing, and Phil is so good, he shouldn’t have to deal with that, it shouldn’t be his problem, he deserves better than-

“Oh, you’re up.” The phrase is said with a tone of surprise, but Dan feels it scrape his ear canal, a bitter undertone Phil doesn’t use lacing the simple phrase that bounces around his empty head after it’s spoken. “It’s early, but I went to sleep so early last night I couldn’t stay asleep any longer. Kind of a bum deal if- Dan?”

Dan has no idea what he did, but he tenses at the sound of his name falling from a worried tongue. He moves his head just enough to make eye contact with blue, blue eyes, blue eyes that look back at him with concern, confusion.

“What’s the matter, babe?” This is delivered softly as Phil takes a step closer to the bed, clothes forgotten on top of the dresser. “Dan?” Alarmed, now, and Dan’s eyes squeeze shut as he lets the tone wash over him. He’s tensed for a fight, for an argument or something. He waits, waits for it to come, but it never does.

Instead, a soft hand falls to his curls, brushing them out of his eyes in soothing sweeps. “Are you ill today?” Phil asks quietly.

“No,” Dan whispers hoarsely, his eyes opening slowly to meet ocean blues.

There’s a brief pause before Phil speaks again. “Would you like some breakfast in bed, lovely?”

The words are sweet, sweet, sweet, and Dan feels nothing.

“No,” he repeats, his vocabulary stripped from everything but the one syllable.

“Dan,” Phil says slowly. “Have you been taking your medicine lately?”

A shrug is all Dan can offer. 

“Did you take them last night, at least?” 

Dan can’t remember if he had or not. Last night was different than today, he was different last night. He’s almost positive last night wasn’t cold or dark, but today is, and today he can’t remember. “I don’t know,” he whispers. “I just don’t--“

“Okay. That’s okay, Dan. You can take it now, yeah?” His voice is softer than the shadows Dan can feel in the corners of his mind, and Dan never wants him to stop talking.

“I- I can’t, it makes me sleepy- I have to- I need to take the twins to school.” He knows this is something he has to do, he knows that, and he knows that if he takes his meds now, he’ll only want to sleep.

“No, I can take the twins to school today. How about you have a day off, hm?” Phil suggests gently, hand still in Dan’s hair.

Dan’s already shaking his head. “I can’t- they need me to-“

“They do, but today it’s okay to let me do some things, alright?”

Dan feels drowsy already, his head is fuzzy and his eyes are tired. He can’t drive, he thinks numbly. He just can’t today. “Can you-“ He cuts himself off, glancing down at Phil’s half-dressed state. “Can we…” He reaches out, the duvet slipping off his shoulder and making him shiver. “Can we have a cuddle?” he pleads.

Phil is quick to nod, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Dan’s forehead before standing up, his hand gripping the towel at his waist. “Okay, let me just put some clothes on. I’ll be right back.”

Dan allows his eyes to close for a moment, but it’s so dark that his eyes fly open once more, staring at the bathroom door as he waits for Phil to reemerge.

Phil walks back out barely a minute later, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. Dan wants to protest that it’s a Tuesday, that Phil has work, that he can’t stay here, but he can’t find his voice. But he can find his hands, and his hands find Phil’s shirt, tugging him closer to the bed with what little strength Dan can muster.

“Big spoon or little?” He asks, gently tugging Dan’s grip on his shirt away so that he can move over to his own side of the bed. He crawls under the duvet, and Dan is silent, unmoving from where he lays facing the bathroom door, listening to the sounds of Phil settling in their bed. Their bed. “Dan? Little spoon today?” He breathes against the shell of his ear.

Dan manages a tiny nod. Phil curls his arm over Dan’s waist, and Dan feels his other arm pressing against the top of his head. “Lift your head, baby.” Dan does as he’s told, and allows Phil’s arm to pillow his head, the position a familiar one for both of them. They’re silent for a moment, but eventually Phil breaks it. “I’ll call Louise and let her know you won’t be in today,” he says softly.

Dan doesn’t have the energy to pretend to be anything other than grateful for that. “Thank you,” he breathes.

Phil presses a kiss to the back of his head. “I’ll take the twins to school in a bit and come back here, alright?”

And Dan knows he should argue with that, but he doesn’t, he can’t, not today. “Okay.”

They lay there for a while, and Dan eventually realizes it must be early if Phil isn’t already getting up to get the twins ready. Almost as soon as the thought enters his mind, Phil leans over him, plucking Dan’s phone from his nightstand to check the time. Dan stares at the lines on the screen, willing them to form numbers, but they don’t.

“I need to go get the kids up for school. Would you like to have some breakfast with us?” He strokes Dan’s arm, his palm warm and soft.

Dan processes the question and finally shrugs. He isn’t hungry, and he doesn’t want to leave his bed, but he wants to see his kids. “I’m a bad father,” he mumbles.

“You are not, Dan.” There is a sharp edge to Phil’s voice, determined and loud in Dan’s fuzzy ears. Phil softens his tone with a brush of his lips to Dan’s curls.

“I’m cold,” Dan announces instead of reply to Phil’s comment.

“I’ll get you my York hoodie and some fuzzy socks. Wait here.” Phil removes his arm and moves to roll away, but in a fleeting moment of panic and everything that masks the nothing, Dan reaches for him.

“No, you,” he protests.

Phil sends him a small smile. “You’ve got me, Bear. But I can’t keep you warm like my hoodie can. Let me get that for you, yeah?”

And that does sound tempting, so Dan lets him go, his eyes rolling back to stare at the bathroom door and nothing again.

Only a few short minutes later, Phil is coming into his line of vision, holding offensively bright green fabric in one hand and a pair of wooly socks in the other. “Sit up for me, love.”

Dan does, slowly. His bones are heavy and hollow, and so is his head. He stares at his knees as Phil crouches, covering his feet with the socks quickly. Dan feels nothing as he watches the concern flit across Phil’s face as he feels how frozen cold Dan’s feet are, and he feels nothing when, after putting the socks on him, Phil lifts each socked foot and rubs them, forcing a warmth Dan doesn’t think he can keep on days like today.

He has Dan lift his arms like a child to put the hoodie on. As soon as Dan’s face has popped free, Phil smiles at him, a soft, kind thing. “Hello, there,” he says softly. He leans in, presses a kiss to the cold tip of Dan’s nose, and Dan feels nothing.

“All done. What do you fancy for breakfast?”

Dan shrugs. “Coffee.”

Phil raises an eyebrow. “Cereal?” 

Dan shakes his head. 

“Toast, then,” Phil compromises. When Dan begins to shake his head again, Phil cradles his jaw in both hands. “You have to eat to take your meds.”

At that, Dan deflates. He doesn’t bother arguing. On days like today he almost craves the guidance, the help, that Phil provides. It feels safe and comfortable, and it’s everything he desperately needs. 

Phil gently pulls him to stand, a hand resting on his back for a brief moment as he waits to see if Dan is going to need further prompting. Apparently, Phil sees something comforting in Dan’s face, as he goes to head to the kitchen, allowing Dan to move forward on his own accord. He knows better than anyone that sometimes the hovering is suffocating. Sometimes it is welcomed with open arms and thanks, but this isn’t one of those times and Dan is grateful for the modicum of space for now. 

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to go wake up the kids,” Phil calls softly over his shoulder while turning the kettle on to boil. He’s already filled two mugs with the instant coffee they use, but he eyes them warily before he leaves the room. “I’ll finish making our coffee when I’m back, yeah?” 

This is one of those things Dan hates, as obviously he isn’t stupid; he isn’t going to go over and intentionally scald himself. But Phil knows this, he’s only looking out for Dan, only trying to protect him, even from himself. So, Dan doesn’t snark back. He only nods, dropping to sit at one of the chairs at the table, dropping his forehead onto his crossed arms as he waits. 

Dan must lose time to the empty kitchen, because the next thing he’s aware of is a cup of steaming coffee being sat in front of him. He follows the arm up to the face of the owner, completely unsurprised when he sees Phil stood there, looking down at him with soft eyes. “I brought you your meds. You need to take it after you eat your toast.”

“Don’t want toast,” Dan mumbles. 

Phil sighs. “You have to eat something, Daniel.” 

Dan knows from experience that anytime his full name is used, things are serious. He slowly raises his head, lifting his eyes to meet Phil’s. “I don’t want it,” he spits. 

There’s a shift in Phil’s expression, his jaw shifting. “Well then you can pick something else, but you have to eat, or your medicine will make you sick.” His voice is softer than his expression, and Dan glances down as Phil’s fist tightens with his poorly-concealed annoyance. 

He makes a monumental effort. “Butter and marmalade?” He whispers. 

A soft, relieved laugh falls from Phil’s lips. “Yes, of course, love. Whatever you’d like.” 

Phil moves away to busy himself with making their breakfast, humming under his breath as he goes. Dan focuses all his energy on listening to the song, his sluggish brain struggling to comprehend what it is. “Can you sing me a song?” He asks suddenly. 

There’s a laugh from near the counter, and Dan’s eyes slowly trail over to see Phil placing some bread in the toaster. “Sure. Any requests?” 

Dan doesn’t think before he speaks. “Interrupted by Fireworks.”

Phil laughs then, a startled sound. “There aren’t any words to that.” 

“Just hum the tune, please.” His voice almost lilts up into a whine as he tries to get his way. 

“Sure,” Phil replies, and quietly begins humming it. 

Dan closes his eyes as he listens, and if he focuses hard enough, he almost feels warmth seeping into his heart. The song brings back fond memories of when they first met, before then actually. When all they had was formspring posts and Skype sessions. Dan had been convinced he was in love with Phil back then.

“I miss you,” Dan whispers. 

“Hm?” Phil responds absently. 

“I miss you.”

Phil turns to look at him, quirking an eyebrow at him. “I’m right here, Bear.” 

Dan shakes his head. “I miss you when we were younger.”

There’s a conflicted look on Phil’s face. “Like... when we met?” 

Relieved that Phil understands, Dan nods. “Yeah. I miss how it felt.”

Phil stares down at the toast he’s buttering, and Dan watches the side of his face. “Yeah?” 

Dan props his head up to stare at Phil. He feels drunk on nothing, like he could say anything right now and it wouldn’t matter. That’s a dangerous game though, and he’s just present enough to keep his thoughts to himself. “I miss how it felt to meet you in person for the first time. You gave me the best hug. You always give the best hugs.”

There’s a long moment of silence, and Phil stares down at what he’s doing, his shoulders tense. “Dan, I-“ 

Before he can finish that train of thought, the twins walk into the kitchen, mumbling quietly. Amelia shoves Jaiden and he glares at her, raising his arm to hit her. Phil’s voice interrupts their fight, cutting across the quiet kitchen much louder than he’d been speaking before. “Guys, drop it.”

“Sorry,” Jaiden mumbles before climbing onto his chair. He looks across the table at Dan, his eyes widening. “Are you okay?” 

Dan shrugs, too exhausted to speak. 

Amelia pauses before she can climb in her chair, staring across at Dan. She glances over at Phil, her face full of concern. “Dad?” She calls quietly. 

“Hm?” Phil replies easily. 

The child moves around the table to where Dan sits, placing her little hand over one of his larger ones. “Is Daddy okay?” 

Phil sighs before walking over to the table and placing his hand in Dan’s curls, scratching his scalp lightly in the way Dan loves. “He doesn’t feel well this morning. So, I’m going to drive you two to school, okay?” 

Jaiden is already shaking his head. “Dan always drives us to school. Do you know how to get to our school?” 

Dan can’t help but smile a little at that. He turns his head, staring up at his best friend. Phil looks a little startled at the question, and Dan waits patiently for his brilliant response. 

“Er- yeah, I do, thank you very much.” Phil rolls his eyes at their son, his eyes full of laughter. “I visit Dan at work all the time, I know your school is right across the street.”

“Miss Esme is going to think we’ve been kidnapped,” Jaiden says solemnly. 

“Miss Esme?” Phil asks, sounding a little confused. 

“Yeah. She walks us to class most mornings. She fancies Dan,” Amelia supplies helpfully. 

Phil quirks an eyebrow at this. “Oh yeah?” He glances down at Dan, a smirk on his lips. “Is this the same Esme that’s asked you out before?”

Dan can feel a seed of embarrassment in his chest, but he shoves it down. “Yeah,” he murmurs in response. 

“Hm,” Phil hums, moving his hand to rest on the side of Dan’s face. His thumb moves down to brush against Dan’s lips, and Dan’s heart begins racing as he parts them at the contact. “Maybe I’ll have a chat with her today.”

Dan’s eyes widen. “No, don’t-“

Phil smiles. “I’m kidding, love.” He steps away and Dan arches into the missing contact. “Here’s your toast. You can have your meds when you eat some of it.”

“Thank you,” Dan whispers. 

Amelia, who’s still stood beside Dan, has a worried look in her eyes. “Are you going to be okay?”

Dan raises his gaze to her, forcing a small smile. “I’m alright, sweetheart, I just need some rest. I’ll be all better tomorrow.”

Phil clears his throat from behind them, nodding his head to Amelia’s vacant seat beside her brother with quirked eyebrows. “You’ll be better when you’re better, and it’s okay if that isn’t tomorrow,” Phil replies, ducking down to press a kiss to Dan’s curls. “Sit down, Mia, so you can eat your breakfast.”

Amelia nods and moves back over to her seat, waiting patiently for her cereal to be placed in front of her. Jaiden is tapping on the table incessantly as he waits, staring over at Dan with curious eyes. “You haven’t eaten your toast yet,” Jaiden tells him. 

Dan shrugs, sitting up and taking the toast in hand to take a small bite out of it. “There,” he responds, chewing slowly. 

Jaiden smiles widely at him before glancing over at Phil. Dan does the same, feeling warmer when he sees the small, pleased smile on Phil’s face. 

“Take just a few more bites for me, love.” His voice is soft and coaxing and Dan hurriedly shoves a few more bites into his mouth, chasing just a little more of that feeling. “Don’t choke,” he laughs. 

Phil sets the twins’ bowls of cereal in front of them, humming when they thank him. Jaiden begins talking about the dream he’d had the night before, something about space bugs and teaching them how to swim. Dan listens the best he can, but he feels groggy and slow and lets his eyes close as he listens to the tiny voices across from him. 

“Dan?” Phil asks softly. His hand is outstretched, a small pill sitting in his palm, a glass of water in the other. “Here, you can take this now.”

Dan slowly takes the pill from him, popping it into his mouth and swallowing it down with a swig of water. The water is soothing on his scratchy throat, but the pill is heavy and he’s certain he can feel it hit his stomach. His stomach is twisting nervously for some reason, and he wants to throw up. He twists in his seat, and Phil seems to notice his discomfort, and with how long they’d been friends, he can tell what that must mean. 

In a flash, Phil is knelt down on the floor beside Dan’s chair, his hands coming up to cradle his face as if he’s something precious. “Dan, shh, look at me. It’s fine. You did really well eating your toast for me, yeah? I’m so proud of you. Just drink the rest of your water and then you can go back to bed.” 

Dan nods, but he can feel his eyes welling up with unexplainable tears. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling it now, but suddenly he’s bone-crushingly sad, and suddenly he’s Atlas, carrying the weight of a world on his shoulders. “Can I-“ he reaches his arms out, searching for comfort. 

Phil grants this immediately, leaning in and allowing Dan to wrap his arms around his neck and bury his face into the older man’s hair. “Shh, it’s alright, Bear. It’s okay.” He whispers against Dan’s throat, petting Dan’s curls with gentle fingers, and Dan doesn’t know how he does it, but it’s as if every touch sends a calming feeling to his heart. “Are you going to be sick?” He asks, knowing that sometimes on days like this Dan can’t stand taking the pills, and almost always throws them back up the first time.

This time feels a little different, and thinking he’s probably fine, he shakes his head. “No, I’m- I think I’m okay.”

Phil looks weary when he leans away, but nods nonetheless. “Finish that water and then you can go back to bed,” he repeats.

Amelia and Jaiden look equally concerned and surprised from across the table, and suddenly Dan wants to disappear. He’s supposed to be a pillar of strength for these kids, and here he is falling apart right in front of them. “Can I take my water to our room instead?” Dan asks. He knows it’s unnecessary, he’s a grown man and can do what he wants, but he knows that on days like today, Phil likes to watch over him a little more than usual, just to make sure that he doesn’t get any worse. So, Dan will humor him, at least this time.

“Sure,” Phil replies, sending him a worried glance.

Dan stands from the table, taking his glass and moving around to where the twins are sat. He presses a kiss to both their heads, wishing he didn’t feel so shit today. “I’m sorry I don’t feel well, guys. Have a good day at school today, yeah? And you can tell me all about it when you get home.”

The twins murmur their agreement, and Dan notices the way Jaiden stares after him as he goes to head to his bedroom. Dan tries not to let that bother him, tries to shut his mind up when it insists that they hate him now, he’s a terrible father figure and they’d be better off somewhere else. 

His head is pounding by the time he curls up under the duvet, his glass still only half empty. He stares at where it sits on the nightstand but makes no move to touch it. The thoughts in his head are racing, too fast for him to latch onto anything tangible. He closes his eyes and tries to even his breathing enough to just go back to sleep, desperate to put a stop to his migraine. He didn’t always get them on days like today, but it looked like that’s what he was getting. 

An indeterminate amount of time passes before Dan hears the door open again. He lays unmoving as the footsteps move into the room, a low voice accompanying them. “Yeah, he’s not feeling well today. No, he won’t be able to come in at all. Maybe. It’s not- Louise, I can’t tell you that. I won’t share anything without his explicit permission. He may be back tomorrow, he may not.” There’s a long pause, followed by a weary sigh. “I don’t know. I hope so. Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Lou. Bye.” Phil apparently ends the call then, and Dan just continues to stare at the glass, his back to Phil. 

A few seconds later as he’s rummaging through the sock drawer, Phil begins speaking again. “Hello, Marianne. I’ll be taking a personal day today, as my fiancé is very ill. If you would, make sure the show goes smoothly and keep PJ on time. He can’t go over his hour again, understand? And please ask Felix to work on the soundboard that isn’t working in studio twelve.” There’s a short pause, and when Phil responds again his voice is colder. “I don’t really think that’s any of your business, thank you. Please don’t ask me that again.” 

Dan stares at the glass, wondering if Phil knows he’s awake, if he should pretend he’s sleeping just in case. But that would be silly, because surely Phil wouldn’t care if Dan overheard a little bit of his conversation. 

The question is answered for him when Phil has apparently hung up that call. “Dan?” He calls softly. “I know you’re not asleep yet.”

Dan slowly rolls over to face him, feeling his cheeks heating. Phil has got such a sweet smile on his face that Dan just feels guiltier. “Sorry for listening to your conversations,” He whispers, bringing his hands up to pillow his head. 

Phil just shrugs with a shake of his head. “I don’t keep things from you, it’s fine.” He glances over at the glass of water, his lips pressing into a thin line as his gaze darts back to Dan. “You really need to drink that, okay?” 

It’s easy for Dan to nod at this when he knows that Phil probably won’t be seriously cross with him even if he doesn’t drink it. 

Probably. 

“I let Louise know you wouldn’t be in today, and perhaps tomorrow,” Phil says, sitting on the edge of the bed and running a hand through his own hair, pushing it back off his forehead. 

“I’ll be in tomorrow,” Dan protests weakly, knowing it may or may not be true. 

Phil gives him a look. “Well that’s for us to find out tomorrow. If you’re not feeling any better tomorrow, you’ll need to stay home and just rest.”

“I’m resting now,” Dan insists stubbornly. 

A sigh escapes Phil at that. “I know, but- let’s just see how you’re feeling tomorrow, yeah?” 

Dan manages another nod, a little sullenly. “Okay,” he mumbles. 

“Have you...” Phil trails off then, looking a little nervous as he shifts on the bed. “When was the last time you saw your therapist, Dan?” 

The question isn’t entirely unexpected; Dan knew eventually Phil would ask that. That didn’t mean he actually wanted to answer, though. He grimaces slightly. It’s the most expression his face has shown all morning. “I don’t know... a few months? I think I saw her back in March.” 

“March?” Phil balks. “You haven’t seen your therapist since March.” 

“I mean, I think- I don’t really remember-“ Dan tries. 

“No. That’s not something you can slack off on, Daniel! You have to go and see her, regularly. How could you-“ Phil fumes, running a frustrated hand through his straight hair so it sticks up at an odd angle. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan whispers, his eyes suddenly burning. 

Suddenly, Phil stops, glancing down at Dan. His face immediately falls, and a guilty look is in his eyes. “No, no. I’m sorry for yelling at you. That was unkind of me.” 

Dan only nods, turning his traitorous face into the pillow. “‘S okay,” he mumbles. 

Dan feels his hand come to rest on his shoulder and begin to rub smooth circles there. Dan can’t help but feel more relaxed at the feeling, comforted in the physical touch. “I’m sorry I shouted. It wasn’t helpful, and I know that now isn’t the right time to discuss it.” He hesitates then, and Dan can feel that hesitation lingering in the air. “We will need to discuss it, though.”

Dan doesn’t have to hear it for him to know that Phil is referring to his therapy appointments. “I know,” he breathes, “I’m sorry.”

A silence falls over them as Phil continues to rub soothing circles against Dan’s shoulder. Dan feels like he could almost fall asleep like this, but his mind is too muddled, too crowded. He rolls over and holds his arms out, staring up at Phil with what he’s sure is a pathetic expression. 

Phil smiles sadly at him but goes willingly, laying down and wrapping Dan up in his arms, pressing kisses to his hair, his forehead, his ear, anywhere he can reach. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs between every press of his lips. 

Finally, Dan asks, “For what?”

“I’m sorry that you feel this way, Bear.” 

And Dan knows it’s silly to feel so emotional at the empathy, but a stupid tear still burns down his cheek and onto the sheets. He tries to sniffle secretly, but Phil hears it pulls him closer. He doesn’t think about how Phil is going to leave soon. 

Not nearly enough time elapses before he hears tiny footsteps walking into their bedroom. “Dad?” He hears Amelia say. 

Phil raises his head to look over Dan’s shoulder at where the twins must have just walked in. “Yeah sweetheart?”

“We’re ready for school,” she replies. 

Dan closes his eyes, breathing deeply to calm his nerves. No more of that, now. 

“Thank you, lovely,” Phil replies to her. He pulls away from Dan a little, looking down at him with an apologetic smile. “I’ll be right back, okay? Just try to rest, and I’ll be back in just a little while, okay?”

“Are you going to drive?” Dan asks, his blunted heart seized by a worry that just _hurts_.

Phil smiles, shaking his head. “No, I’ve already ordered a car. It’s probably waiting on us right now, actually.”

Dan nods slowly. On a whim, he leans forward, turning his head and nuzzling his cheek against Phil’s lips, prompting him for a kiss. Phil laughs, his breath fanning across Dan’s rosy patch, but he obliges, pressing his lips to the skin sweetly. “Thanks,” Dan mumbles, closing his eyes and finally disentangling himself from Phil enough for him to leave.

“C’mon, kiddos, time to go.”

“Can I give Dan a hug?” Amelia asks.

Phil stumbles over his words, but Dan cracks his eyes open and rolls over to look at her. “You can,” he nods, opening his arms for her.

She steps past Phil and crawls onto their bed, throwing her arms around Dan the best she can with him laying down. “Bye, Daddy,” she says quietly. “I hope you feel better soon.”

Dan smiles up at her, reaching up to brush her hair behind her ears. “Thank you, lovely. I’ll be better soon, yeah?”

With a smile, she nods and slides off the bed, moving past Phil once again to lead the way out the door. Jaiden hesitates in the doorway, clearly at war with himself about if he should copy his sister or not, but he decides on a wave instead. “Bye, Dan, love you.”

He’s sure he’s going to start tearing up again, but he bites his lip harshly just in time to keep the emotion at bay. “Love you too, bub. Have a good day at school, yeah?”

Jaiden nods with a smile before spinning around and chasing after his sister.

Phil rolls his eyes at this but doesn’t bother calling him out on it. “I’ll be right back, okay? See you in a bit.” 

He listens to the sounds of Phil gathering the twins’ lunches and their backpacks, and the small stampede as they head to the front door. After a few moments, he hears the door shut, listening hard for the sound of the lock sliding back into place before he lets himself relax any.

After focusing on evening his breathing out and calming his nerves for several moments, Dan is just on the verge of sleep when he hears his phone ringing. His heart jumps at the sound, and he quickly rolls over to stare at the Caller ID, hoping more than anything that it isn’t Phil, saying they’d gotten into an accident or something. The idea makes him nauseous, but then he quickly feels ridiculous for always going to the worst possible scenario.

Instead, he finds Hazel’s name flashing on the screen, and despite the fact that he’d rather chew off his own foot than answer, he pulls the phone off the plug and slides his thumb across the bottom of the screen before bringing it up to his ear.

“Hello?” He sounds dull and so, so empty, and bile rises in his throat as he processes that this is a woman who has the power to take his children away if she realizes he’s in no fit state to care for even himself. He’s certain he’ll throw up if she says anything of the sort, and his throat is catching on a protest already, before she’d even spoken.

“Hi, Dan, it’s Hazel. I have some news about Levi and I wanted to make sure you knew as soon as possible,” her voice is bright, almost excited, and Dan suddenly sits up. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten about the Levi situation per se, but he’d definitely shoved it to the back of his mind the past few days, so he was a little surprised at the reminder.

“Yeah? What did you find out? Can he stay with us?” It was the most coherent thing he’d said all day, but with his adrenaline suddenly spiked, he felt that he had energy to spare on this kind of excitement.

“Slow down, Dan,” Hazel laughs. “One thing at a time, yeah?” She waits for his hum of assent, and then she continues. “So, I spoke to Levi’s caseworker, and it turns out his behavior has been exemplary since he was put in the group home.”

“That’s great,” Dan says, because he’s almost positive that’s the first hurdle towards getting him reunited with his siblings. “So, can we take him?”

“Well, I spoke to his new case manager, and they said that considering the circumstances, and considering the fact that you are taking care of his siblings as well, you should be more than eligible to foster him.”

The unspoken “but” is heavy in the air between them.

“Should? What does that mean?” Dan asks, deflating.

Hazel sighs. “Well, he has to be comfortable with that decision, we won’t remove him from somewhere he’s acclimated to and place him somewhere new on a whim, especially since he seems to be doing okay there-“

Dan interrupts her at that. “Okay is a far cry from happy, or even well. And his siblings are with us, Hazel, I-“

“I know, Dan, I know,” Hazel speaks over him. “But that’s how it is. I didn’t say that was the end of it, now did I? You still have a chance of fostering him, but you and Phil will need to visit him at the group home and make sure he’s comfortable with living with you first.”

His stomach twists at the phrasing. “Is it because we’re gay? Do they do this with straight couples?” He spits, his normally friendly tone with her being compromised due to his annoyance.

“Yes, Dan, this is standard procedure, regardless of sexuality,” She deadpans, sounding unimpressed. It’s the first unfriendly thing he’s truly ever heard from her, and it takes him a moment to recover from it.

“Okay,” he concedes, a little embarrassed at his attitude. “Sorry. What day can we stop by?”

She gives him a date, the following Sunday actually, as well as an address and before she hangs up, her best wishes for the visit. He appreciates it, but it doesn’t stop his stomach from churning uncomfortably, fully aware that now he has one more thing to stress about.

He’d really meant to sleep or something before Phil got back, but now his head is too stuffed to even try. He lies awake, staring at the ceiling and replaying Hazel’s words until it starts to sound like gibberish. The opening of the front door catches his attention for a moment and he turns his head to stare at the bedroom door. 

“Hey,” Phil smiles when he walks into the bedroom, tossing his keys onto his nightstand. “How are you feeling?” 

Dan shrugs. “Like shit still, sorry,” he says flatly. 

He doesn’t miss the frown that graces Phil’s lips at that. “Well...” Phil trails off, clearly unsure how to proceed now. “What can I do to make it better?” 

Holding his arms out, Dan gives him his best puppy dog eyes. “Cuddle?” 

Phil cracks a smile at that. “Of course.” He crawls into bed then, socks and all, but it doesn’t take until he’s laying down for him to move around, and Dan can tell he’s yanking the offending fabric off his feet. 

Dan makes a small noise of protest when Phil tosses them onto the floor behind him, uncaring where they land. “Phil,” he mumbles. 

“Sorry,” Phil giggles, not sounding sorry in the slightest as he wraps himself around Dan. With Dan still on his back and making no movements to change positions, Phil is just left to curl around his side, his arm tossed over Dan’s chest while his leg comes up to rest over Dan’s. He must be thinking about their position just as much as Dan, as he whispers, “Is this too much?” 

“No,” Dan immediately says. “‘S good.”

He can feel Phil smiling against his collarbone and he moves his left hand to rest in Phil’s hair. His band stares back at him, almost mocking him in the way it softly glistens in the sunlight pouring in from the window. “Do you still wear your ring?” He finds himself asking into the silence. As soon as the words are out he regrets it and starts wishing he could take them back, but it’s too late. 

“Of course,” Phil replies, sounding somewhat confused as he shifts, holding up his left hand to prove it. “I never even take it off anymore.”

Dan feels warm at that. “You don’t?” He asks tentatively. 

“Not really. I kept forgetting to take it off at night and now I don’t even try to remember. It’s better to just leave it on.” He shrugs nonchalantly, as if the explanation he gave is a simple one. 

“Oh,” Dan replies softly. He doesn’t know why it feels important, but suddenly the ring on his hand feels heavier than it has in weeks, and he’s trying desperately to remember when the last time he took his own off was, but he’s struggling to come up with the answer. Before he can allow his thoughts to run away with him any further, he shoves his hand back down to his side, staring up at the ceiling instead. “Hazel called me again.” 

Phil sits up at that, his eyes widening comically. “What’d she say?”

Dan shifts, rolling over to face Phil. “She said that we had a chance.”

He lets the announcement linger in the air between them, heavy with implication and a guarantee of further discussion. Phil’s breath catches in the silence of the room, not going unnoticed by Dan, who is painfully focused on his reaction.

Phil swallows hard, and Dan stares at his stubbled throat as his Adam’s apple bobs. “What exactly did she say?” He asks, sitting up further and moving enough to look more closely at Dan’s face.

Under the sudden scrutiny, Dan squirms. “She told me we have to visit the group home first, to see if he even wants to live with us.”

“Great! That’s good, right?” He backpedals, taking in Dan’s sober expression.

Dan shrugs. “I guess so.”

Phil studies him curiously for several moments, and eventually he glances away. “Do you… Are you tired of doing this with me?”

Dan balks at him for the completely absurd accusation. “What? What are you talking about?”

Blue eyes shift to meet the duvet, and Phil’s long fingers tug at a loose thread. “I just… I don’t know, I thought maybe you were tired of doing this. Maybe you’ve changed your mind about Levi, or something.” Dan can only give him an incredulous stare, but Phil is quick to start speaking again. “And that’s fine, like if you have changed your mind, and I understand, but Dan-“

“Shut up,” Dan says immediately, feeling his stomach churn at the very idea that he doesn’t want this. “Shut up, now. I haven’t changed my mind or anything, you buffoon. Of course, I didn’t change my mind, I lov- love those kids. I couldn’t do that to them.” He trips over his words embarrassingly, but if Phil notices, he doesn’t comment on it.

“I was just checking,” Phil says, a little sheepishly. “It’s, you know, fine. If you do. Just tell me if that happens, yeah?”

Dan shakes his head slowly before shifting to sit up, practically crawling into Phil’s lap to wrap his arms around the other man. “That’s never going to happen. I’m more worried about you doing that, honestly.”

A kiss is pressed to his temple, wet and warm and lingering, and Dan’s throat feels like it’s swelling as Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s back to return his embrace. “I’m not going to leave you. You’ve gotta have a co-parent, and I want to be that person. So, I’m going to need that to get through that thick skull of yours, yeah?” It’s said teasingly, but Dan can feel his eyes burning.

He sniffles, trying to muffle the sound in Phil’s collar. “Okay.” He’s drowning in the need to hear Phil say more sweet things, to hear him say something else, but he squeezes his eyes shut tightly, trying to physically force the thought away.

“You need to finish your water, and then we’ll do whatever you want for the rest of the day. Netflix, naps, massive takeaway, whatever you want to do.” Phil is polite enough not to push Dan away, even though the younger man is almost certain that he’s well aware of the tears that are falling right now.

“Yeah, okay,” Dan rasps out, moving to pull away from Phil’s arms.

Before he can get very far, Phil is pulling him back, making a soft noise of protest in his throat. “No, just stay here a little longer.”

And Dan doesn’t know what Phil’s reasonings are for this prolonged moment of connection, but as he runs his hand through Dan’s curls, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear, Dan finds he doesn’t care.

~~~

A couple hours later, Dan finds himself sitting in the lounge, his head in Phil’s lap as the older man plays Breath of The Wild, his eyes glued to the television screen, while Dan’s are glued on his face. Phil’s clearly annoyed with the game, muttering swears under his breath, but Dan finds it painfully endearing.

“Fucking-“ Phil mutters, jabbing a button with his thumb hard. He’s sitting sort of awkwardly to allow Dan to rest his head in his lap; he’s leaned his torso a little to the side, just enough that he can rest one of his forearms on Dan’s chest, since Dan is laid on his back. Phil lets out a frustrated breath, which fans across Dan’s arms and makes him shiver a bit. “Are you cold?” Phil asks immediately, his eyes darting down to take in Dan’s appearance.

“No,” Dan shakes his head, but almost immediately another shiver dances across his spine, and Phil gives him a disbelieving look. Damn his medicine for making him have a bout of heat flash earlier that prompted him to take off Phil’s York hoodie, which he’d left in their bedroom.

“Up,” Phil instructs, gently forcing his hand under Dan’s head and pushing him into a sitting position. “I’ll be right back. Do you want something to eat, maybe?” He asks, looking hopeful.

While the day has progressed from a terrible one to just a bad one, Dan’s still not quite there yet. He gives Phil a guilty half-smile. “Not right now.”

Phil sighs, letting out the air slowly. “Alright. Later, then.” He levels Dan with a serious stare, clearly not inclined to take no for an answer about this.

Dan nods mutely, refusing to agree to something he can’t promise just yet. There was a good chance he’d feel like eating by dinner, but these days weren’t always predictable, and it was hard to assume that he’d be there mentally as of right now.

“Right,” Phil says with an air of defeat. “Be right back, then.” He moves from the sofa and heads down the stairs, giving Dan no explanation as to where he’s going. If Dan had to guess, he’d assume that he was off to get himself something to eat, or maybe his hoodie for Dan to put back on. He selfishly hopes that it’s that.

After a few minutes, longer than Dan would like, Phil comes stomping up the stairs again with his heavy feet. Dan tilts his head from where he’d been resting it against the back of the sofa, moving his eyes to take in the sight. Phil has an armful of things, the most noticeable of which is, bless him, the York hoodie.

Dan doesn’t even try to stop himself from lifting his arms and making grabby hands for the insultingly bright fabric.

Phil smiles fondly at him as he gets closer, adding an eyeroll at Dan’s antics. “Wait until I get in the room, man,” he chastises without any actual bite.

Dan has no time for this. “No, I want the hoodie, I don’t care about the other crap,” he says dismissively. As soon as Phil is close enough, Dan reaches forward and tugs the hoodie out of his grip. Phil huffs but makes no move to claim it back as he sits on the sofa. Dan is too busy tugging the hoodie on that he pays no mind to the things Phil is arranging in his lap.

“I might’ve brought that up here for me, you know,” Phil mutters, his lips turned down.

This is enough to give Dan pause. “Did you?” he asks timidly, the tendrils of embarrassment reaching out for him in the space of five seconds before Phil replies.

There’s a sweet smile on Phil’s face as his gaze flits up to meet Dan’s. “No,” he scoffs, leaning into Dan’s space to press a kiss to his cheek gently. “I brought you some other treats, too,” he informs, a sneaky little twitch to his lips as he speaks. Dan can’t help but be a little suspicious, but also excited, as he looks down to the things Phil currently has his arms covering.

“What did you bring for me?” Dan asks, the excitement in his voice unmistakable.

Phil grins at this. Then, as if it’s a grand surprise, he slowly uncovers the spoils laid in his lap. “Ta-da!” He exclaims.

Dan’s gaze flits down to survey his treats. There’s a box of chocolate he hadn’t known was in their possession, plus a DVD of a movie they hadn’t watched in several years, and finally, balanced on his thigh, was a plushie Dan was almost positive he hadn’t seen in years.

“Is that…? He trails off quietly as he lifts his hand, his fingertip just barely grazing the fuzzy mane.

“It is. I, uh… I’ve had him in a box, and it might be a little silly, but- it always made me feel better? Comforted me. So, I thought…” Phil trails off slowly, and Dan’s pretty sure it’s out of nervousness of Dan’s reaction, which in true mental breakdown fashion, is crying. “I’m sorry,” Phil whispers, seeming to bite back emotions of his own. “If you think it’s stupid, I’ll-“

Dan cuts him off with that, surging forward and wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck in a tight embrace, the tears on his cheeks smearing onto Phil’s face as Dan presses closer. “I don’t think it’s stupid,” he mumbles, pressing a wet kiss to the space just in front of his ear blindly. “I think it’s- it’s really fucking sweet, actually,” he admits over his hiccupping.

The tension leaves Phil’s body at this, and he lets out a small laugh as he brushes a hand over Dan’s hair. “Yeah?” He asks, voice still a little unsure.

Dan nods vigorously before pressing more kisses to his ear. “You’re too good for me, you know,” he whispers, almost wishing he didn’t have to say it at all.

“I’m not,” Phil argues gently. “You’re just too hard on yourself.” He presses against the side of Dan’s head a little, just enough to coax him into laying his head on his shoulder. “I don’t like hearing you talk badly about yourself. It hurts me when you do that.”

Dan knows that Phil doesn’t intend for it to be a guilt trip exactly, but he still finds himself squirming uncomfortably. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

Phil hums. “You don’t have to be sorry, Dan. We just need to work on you feeling better about yourself, yeah?” 

“Okay,” he mumbles. 

There’s a beat of silence before Phil speaks softly into his ear. “You’re an amazing best friend, and you’re a wonderful father to the kids. You’re a great counselor and students love you, and-“ he clears his throat then. “And so do I, obviously.” 

The room falls into a heavy silence, but it’s not awkward or bad, it just feels heavy in a way that makes it clear that they’re both holding their breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “That does make me feel better,” Dan whispers eventually, trying to keep his tone light. 

Phil laughs at this and whatever tension was there is broken. “Yeah?” He’s clearly grinning now, that much is evident in his voice. He maneuvers Dan away just enough to grab the things in his lap and set them on the coffee table. 

“Can I-“ Dan begins, pointing to the stuffed lion as it goes. “I just wanna hold it.” 

“Course,” Phil says with a sweet smile. He hands the plushy to Dan, who stares at it with wide eyes. 

“I didn’t know you still had him,” Dan admits, carefully running a finger across the mane. 

The first time he ever met Phil in person was when he went to visit him at his parents’ house in 2009. Phil had kept this lion plushy on his bedside table, and when Dan inquired about it, Phil had blushed and stuttered out some lie about forgetting it was there and meaning to donate it, but never made any move to place it elsewhere. When they’d moved in together in Manchester, Dan found the lion in a moving box and rather than tease him for something he was clearly embarrassed about, he had taken it into Phil’s room and set it gently on his unmade bed. They never spoke about the fact that he was a grown man still holding onto a childhood toy, because Dan hadn’t cared. If he ever really thought about it, at the most he just found it endearing.

“Of course. I, um... I always figured that one day I’d... I dunno, give it to my kids or something.” Phil’s words are stuttered and his gaze flits everywhere but Dan’s face. 

Dan suddenly feels a pain in his chest. Of course, Phil planned on having a real family one day, he knew that. He didn’t realize how bad it would hurt to hear, though, considering he felt like they already had one. “Yeah... yeah, of course,” he mumbles, a little uncomfortable now and a lot sadder. He gently sets the plushy back on the coffee table before settling back into the sofa, subtly shifting out of Phil’s grasp. 

“But then again, maybe I’ll just keep it for us,” Phil continues, sounding contemplative. 

Dan shifts a little then, dragging his gaze to Phil’s slowly and timidly. “For us?” He inquires softly, trying to keep his voice neutral. 

Phil nods, sending him a small smile. “Yeah. Some days you just need a good cuddle from a plushie, you know?” He hesitates then, but his eyes flicker away to the window as he says the next part. “And what’s mine is yours, love. If it can be shared, I’ll always share with you.” 

This only prompts another sob, but this time Dan can’t even pretend to be anything other than touched. “That’s...” He trails off on a choke, unsure of how to even describe the warmth that floods through his veins at this. “As long as you don’t try to borrow my toothbrush,” he blurts, meaning it as a joke, something, anything to ruin the moment

It has the desired effect, as Phil takes one look at Dan’s face before bursting into ridiculous giggles. “Oh my god,” he squeals. “Ew! I’m not going to use your toothbrush!”

Dan ducks his head to hide the color in his cheeks. “Good. You better not.” 

He’s caught in the humor of the moment, looking down at his lap with a soft smile, so he almost jumps when he feels Phil run a hand across his back. “I’m really proud of you, bear.” 

“For what? Being depressed?” Dan asks with a bitter snort of disbelief. 

Phil settles him with an unimpressed stare. “For waking up. For trying. For doing things that are hard, even when you’d rather just stay in bed all day.” He opens his mouth again, but closes it quickly, looking away and swallowing hard. “I’m always impressed with your strength, love. But especially on days like today.” 

Dan feels another volley running down his cheeks, but he’s helpless to stop it. “Sorry, I’m just- you know I get weepy when you’re nice to me.”

Phil offers him a sympathetic smile. “I know, sorry. But... I just thought you needed to hear something nice.” 

A silence settles over them then, as Dan has no clue how to respond to that in a way that doesn’t make him seem even more pathetic than he already feels. Clearing his throat, he says the only thing he can really think of. “Wanna watch Stranger Things?”

~~~

Later that evening, after Phil has picked up the twins from school, he and Dan find themselves in the kitchen making dinner. Well, Phil was making dinner. Dan was sat at the table, at Phil’s request, “supervising” rather than cooking.

“I feel like an invalid,” Dan mumbles from where he’s sat shaking salt onto a plate. He has a toothpick in his left hand, which he uses to write and doodle with as he’s watching Phil move around the kitchen.

Phil laughs at this and sends a cheeky smile over at him. “Sorry, but that’s not going to convince me to let you help. You need a break, you always cook dinner.”

Dan snorts. “I don’t know if burning down our kitchen trying to make spaghetti is giving me a break,” he teases.

He expects the towel that gets thrown in his face, but he pouts nonetheless. Phil is smug when their eyes meet, and Dan rolls his eyes when the older man holds a hand out for the towel. “Give it here, Dan.”

“Now why would I just hand it over when you threw it at _my_ face?” Dan tries to turn the theatrics up when he says it.

Phil rolls his eyes, stepping closer to Dan, abandoning the boiling pot behind him. “Right, woe is you. Give me the towel.”

Dan’s head is tilted back now to look up into Phil’s face, and he holds the towel just out of reach. “Or else what?”

A silence settles over the kitchen then as Phil deliberately leans forward, dropping a hand onto the table and crowding Dan back in his seat. Their faces are merely inches apart, and Dan’s sharp intake of breath pierces the quiet, Phil’s lip quirking just a bit in response. “Or else…” He tips his head then, bringing his face steadily closer, causing Dan’s heart rate to spike pathetically. At this point, Dan really isn’t sure what to expect, so when Phil’s hand darts out and grabs the towel out of his now limp hand, Dan doesn’t even have time to react.

“Wha- hey!” His voice is high pitched and whiny as Phil saunters back over to the stove. “You- you- thief!” He cries.

Phil smirks at him. “Don’t be a brat, Danny,” he says, his voice laced with sarcasm. “And quit wasting the salt, too.”

Dan mutters something under his breath about Phil being bossy, but does as he’s told, gingerly scooping the grains back into the shaker with his toothpick. There’s a companionable silence between them for several minutes, filled with the sounds of Phil stirring something and opening the oven door to check their garlic bread.

“Hey, Phil?” Dan says eventually.

“Yeah, ba- Dan?”

There’s another silence as Dan struggles to sort his thoughts out. When he does, he mumbles, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but like I said, I don’t mind making dinner. I know I’m not very good at it, but-“

“No, not that,” Dan interrupts. He abandons his project to turn back to his best friend, surprised to find him already stood looking back at him. “I meant for today. And for all the days I’m like this. You… You always take care of me when I’m like that, and…” He swallows hard. “I just wanted to say thank you. You know. For that.”

Phil has a fond look on his face as he steps towards Dan, reaching a hand out and running his hand through Dan’s curls before leaning down and dropping a kiss to the brunette waves. “You’re welcome, bear.”

It’s simple, and Dan’s a little relieved that they escaped the super emotional thing that they’d went through earlier. He may feel a certain way about this arrangement now, but there truly was only so much sappiness he could handle.

Luckily, this time there’s a very good reason to keep it short, and that reason comes in the form of their six-year-olds storming into the kitchen.

“He took my tablet and won’t tell me where it is!” Amelia shouts, her little face red with anger.

“I didn’t take it! I don’t even know where it is!” Jaiden argues, crossing his arms and glaring at his sister.

Amelia steps forward, stomping her feet as she goes. “Yes you _did_!”

“No I _didn’t_!”

“ _Yes_!”

“You _always_ say that I take your things when _you_ -”

“I only say it when I _know_ you-“

“That’s enough!” Phil interrupts their yelling in an authoritative voice. It was one Dan hadn’t had much experience with, honestly, so when he hears it, he jumps just as much as the twins do. He’s still got a hand in Dan’s hair, but now he steps away and crosses his arms as he stares down at the kids. “Amelia, where was the last place you saw it?”

Amelia lets out an annoyed huff, but when Phil quirks a warning eyebrow at her, she ducks her head and mumbles out an explanation. “I had it in the lounge last night, but I went to get it and it’s not there! And Jaiden-“

“Ah- nope, didn’t ask about Jaiden. Where was it at in the lounge?” Phil’s voice is kind, but firm. Something about it just has Dan staring at him in awe, almost like he’s seeing him for the first time.

“It was…” Amelia furrows her eyebrows as she tries to think. “It was on the armchair.”

Phil nods. “Okay, did you check over by Dan’s desk where we keep the chargers?”

Amelia’s eyes go wide at this, and she drops her gaze to the floor. “No,” she admits, guilty.

Dan’s lip quirks at this.

“Right, well maybe you might wanna check there before yelling at your brother next time, yeah?”

Amelia nods quickly. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

Phil tilts his head. “I don’t think I’m the one who needs to hear an apology,” he says gently, nodding subtly at where Jaiden is stood to the side, looking halfway torn between ruffled and smug.

The girl huffs but spins around to face her brother. “Sorry,” she spits out quickly, moving to leave the kitchen almost immediately.

“Mia,” Dan calls then, speaking for the first time since they’d entered the kitchen. When she turns to look at him, he nods back to her brother. “You could use kinder words,” he says softly.

She hesitates but nods and reluctantly turns to her brother once more. “I’m sorry for yelling at you about my tablet.”

Jaiden shrugs, but says nothing. Amelia looks helplessly at Dan and Phil, but Dan only offers her a shrug. “We can’t make him accept your apology, love.”

She frowns but seems to understand, sparing another guilty look at her brother before leaving the kitchen again, to find her tablet no doubt.

“Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes, Mia,” Phil calls after her before moving to the stove.

Jaiden stays rooted to his spot next to the doorway, and Dan tilts his head at him. “You okay, bub?”

The boy shrugs, and shocks Dan as he steps forward, holding his arms out for a hug. Dan shares a surprised look with Phil before gathering the child in his arms. When Jaiden still hasn’t let go after a minute or so, Dan readjusts him and pulls him to sit in his lap. “Is everything okay, Jai-bird? Did…” He trails off, locking eyes with Phil again before forcing the question. “Did something happen at school?”

Jaiden shakes his head against Dan’s chest helplessly. “No.”

“Oh,” Dan says, at a loss. “Did Mia just hurt your feelings?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Jaiden whispers. “I don’t like when she yells.”

Dan runs a hand over his back, making soft noises in an attempt to soothe him. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to, bubby. Maybe she just had a long day and she just got frustrated. That happens to me sometimes too, you know.”

Jaiden slowly leans away, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Dan tries his best not to cringe at that. “Yeah?” He sounds hopeful.

Shrugging, Dan shares a look with Phil. “Yeah, course. Sometimes I come in and I’m mean to Phil for no reason. I just get upset about other things and sometimes I forget that he’s on my team.” He glances over to Phil again, finding the older man staring down at the stove with a small smile that Dan can’t help but mirror as he looks back at their son. “But at the end of the day, it’s important to remember to apologize for being mean and finding a way to fix it when I hurt him.”

Jaiden considers this for a minute. “Is Mia on my team, then?”

Dan smiles and brushes his hair back. “Yeah, love, she’s on your team. And so are we.”

The six-year-old seems to consider this for a while, staring at the space over Dan’s shoulder. “I like our team,” he finally says, just barely loud enough for Dan to hear.

His heart clenches and he hugs him a little tighter. “I like our team too, bub.” His wet eyes flit over to find blue ones already staring back at him. “I like our team a lot.”

~~~

Dinner is a little awkward, with the twins being mad at each other and all, but when Amelia offers to give Jaiden half of her dessert, everything seems to settle back into place. Dan still makes a point of sending Jaiden to have a bath first, while he and Phil sit down with Amelia and have a talk with her about kindness and the importance of family. She sits across from them at the table and listens with her eyes downcast, and as soon as Phil is finished with his speech about how much family means, they dismiss her for bed.

Amelia doesn’t even hesitate before walking around the table to them, holding her arms out for a hug. She’s closest to Phil, and she all but crawls up into his lap when he reaches out for her. Dan can hear him whispering to her, and his heart swells with fondness as he watches the scene. “I know you feel like you’re in trouble, but I promise you’re not, baby girl. I’m very proud of you for listening to us and being a big girl, yeah? You did really well.”

She sniffles but nods against his shoulder. “O-okay,” she hiccups.

Phil presses a kiss to her hair. “Goodnight, Mia. I love you.”

“Love you too.” She scrambles out of his grasp and practically falls into Dan’s arms, pressing her little wet face to his shirt, not so subtly smearing her tears and snot onto it.

“I’m proud of you too, sweetheart. Thank you for apologizing to your brother like we asked. It’s important to use kind words, and you did so well.” He presses a kiss to her hair and then teasingly leans away. “Wait, did you- is that snot on my shirt?” He says, aghast at the very idea.

Of course, she giggles at this, shrugging and leaning in only to wipe her face yet again in the fabric.

“Ew!” He screeches, tickling her sides. “That’s- that’s disgusting!”

“Sorry!” She cackles, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

Dan tuts at her and pulls her into another hug before releasing her. “Goodnight, kiddo. I love you bunches.”

She leans up and kisses his cheek, causing his eyes to widen in surprise. “Love you too, Daddy. Goodnight.”

With that, she’s gone, prancing out of the kitchen and off down the hall. Dan sighs contently before glancing over at Phil, suddenly remembering his presence. He’s leant against the table on his elbow, his head resting on his hand as he gazes at Dan, a fond, pleased look on his face. Something about the affection in his eyes is enough to make Dan flush, and he can practically feel his ears reddening.

“What?” He asks, his voice pitched in defense.

Phil shrugs. “Nothing, love. You’re just… I like seeing you with them. You’re a good dad.”

Dan shrugs, a little squirmy with the praise. He stands from the table and drops his hands onto Phil’s shoulders, rubbing his thumbs in circles against the fabric of his t-shirt. “You are too, you know. You did really well earlier, when they came in here fighting.”

Phil leans into his touch, sighing. “Did I?” He hums.

“You did,” Dan nods, even though Phil isn’t looking at him. Something is urging him to lean down, to just press a kiss or two to Phil’s hair or neck, but Dan refrains. That wasn’t territory he was allowed access to, and there were some boundaries even he wouldn’t cross. “Bedtime?” He asks instead.

“Mm. Yeah.” Phil moves to stand up, and Dan drops his hands. “Do you want me to go see that the kids are in bed?” He asks, glancing back at Dan for a moment.

Dan shakes his head, running a hand through his curls. “No, I’ve got it.”

Phil spares him another look, but nods and stops at their bedroom, leaving Dan to walk down the hall to the twins’ room alone. After making sure they’ve both brushed their teeth, Dan tells them a story about dragons, per Jaiden’s request. “Alright, you two, time for sleep. I love you guys.”

Jaiden yawns and pats Dan’s arm sleepily. “Love you too, Dan.”

“Goodnight, love.” Dan glances over to find Amelia with her eyes already closed, and he’s careful about making his way out of the room, as quietly as he can.

As soon as the door shuts behind him, he heaves a deep sigh. He was feeling better than he had earlier, but all the interaction the past few hours had pretty much worn him out. He rubs a hand across his face as he steps into his own room, pulling the door shut behind him. He notices that the bedroom itself is empty, but the door to the bathroom is ajar, so he thinks nothing of it as he pushes it open and steps inside. That is, until he sees Phil stood at the sink, wearing nothing but a towel as he drags a razor across his jaw.

“Hey,” Phil greets him quietly.

Dan, a little flustered now, spins on his heel to leave, stuttering out an apology. “Sorry, I- the door was open, I didn’t-“

“Dan?” Phil interrupts. When Dan slowly, begrudgingly turns to make eye contact with him, he finds Phil smiling at him. “You can stay in here, it’s your bathroom too, you know.”

Chewing on his lip, Dan slowly nods. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll just, um- brush my teeth?” He sounds uncertain, even to his own ears, but luckily Phil doesn’t seem to think it’s odd.

“Here,” Phil says, handing him his toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste they shared. Phil watches Dan as he wets the bristles, squeezes some toothpaste on, then runs it back under the stream of water before popping it into his mouth. When he catches Dan’s gaze, he glances away, bringing his hand back up to continue shaving. “How are you feeling?” He asks softly.

Dan shrugs at this. “I dunno. Better, I guess. Less numb.”

Phil nods in understanding. After seeing as many bad days as he had, Dan knew that Phil was the one person in his life who really did understand his bad days, better than anyone else. “Did the kids make it better or worse?”

It takes him a moment to think about this, slowing the sweeps of his toothbrush to a stop so he can speak. “I think better, actually. It gave me a distraction, you know?”

Phil smiles at this. “Yeah?”

With a nod, Dan spits out his toothpaste, pressed firmly against Phil’s side as they’re being forced to share the one sink. He rinses off the toothbrush and passes it to Phil for him to put it away, studying Phil’s face in the mirror the whole time. “Do you think you’ll ever grow a beard?” He asks eventually.

Phil lets out a startled laugh as his eyes catch Dan’s in the mirror. “Why? Is that something you want me to do?”

Dan shrugs, leaning against the counter and studying the features on Phil’s face. He’s got a wrinkle of concentration between his eyebrows as he focuses on not nicking himself with the razor, and Dan kind of wants to smooth it out with his lips. “I think it would look good on you.” 

It takes him a moment to realize what it is that he just said, his whole body flushing with embarrassment. Phil doesn’t seem as affected, although he does quirk an eyebrow when he meets Dan’s gaze in the mirror. “Noted.” he replies smoothly.

Clearing his throat, Dan pushes himself away from the counter and runs a hand through his fluffy curls. “Did you want to talk about Levi?” He blurts, latching onto anything to get rid of the awkward feeling in his chest.

“Yeah, actually. Did Hazel say anything else about us going to meet him?” Phil dips the razor under the faucet and taps the excess water off before dropping it to the counter. He leans down to splash water on his face, fumbling with his eyes shut to grab a towel. Dan takes pity on him, stepping forward and pressing one into his hands gently. “Thanks.”

“Mhm. She said we could come see him Sunday. I told her I’d speak to you about it first and let her know what we decide.” Dan watches as Phil takes his contacts out, leaving the pot on the tap as he always does. Dan expects to feel a flare of annoyance, but he feels nothing as he steps around Phil, putting it away, along with the razor as well.

Phil smiles apologetically at Dan, squinting slightly due to his lack of glasses at the moment. “That’s good, right? Sunday’s good. We can go Sunday.”

Dan nods, leading the way out of the bathroom and kicking a stray shirt out of the way so Phil doesn’t stumble over it with his big clumsy feet. “Yeah. She said the twins can come too, if they want.”

They climb into bed together, the lamp on Dan’s side guiding their movements in the otherwise dark room. “We’ll need to have a talk with them about that. They may not be ready to see him, and I don’t want to make them do something they’re not comfortable with.”

“Yeah, of course,” Dan agrees. He nudges Phil, scooting in close to him and trying to prompt him to turn the other way.

“What?” Phil asks, glancing at Dan in confusion.

Dan blinks. “Er- cuddle?” He says, as if it’s obvious.

Phil stares at him, then nudges Dan’s shoulder in the same way Dan had just done to him. “Okay, then roll over.”

Shaking his head, Dan presses closer, bringing their faces closer together as he gently pushes Phil to roll over to face the other way. “Don’t wanna be the little spoon tonight,” he mumbles, embarrassed.

“Oh,” Phil says, sounding surprised. “ _Oh_.” He allows Dan to maneuver his body into a prime cuddling position, and then lays there, pliant, as Dan tucks his knees against the back of Phil’s and wraps an arm around Phil’s waist. After he’s settled down, Phil speaks quietly. “This feels weird,” he sounds ashamed.

It makes Dan nervous to hear that, but he tries not to tense up or let on as if it does. “How so?” He asks cautiously.

“I dunno. I’m just used to being the one who protects you.”

Dan can’t even hide his smile at that and doesn’t even pretend to hide the way he leans in and kisses the back of Phil’s neck. “You do know I’m not totally useless all the time, yeah?” He teases.

Phil turns his head slightly, studying Dan with a serious look. “You’re never useless. Don’t even say that about my best friend.”

He looks serious enough that Dan gives him an apologetic smile and then pretends to zip his lips. Phil looks satisfied with this and turns back to face the other way, letting out a little sigh. Dan stares at the back of his head for a long moment, letting himself bask in the warmth between them. Subtly, he shifts forward and presses his lips to the nape of Phil’s neck, the hair there tickling his upper lip a little. He kisses the spot with as much affection as he can manage to put into the gesture, all the things he lacks the words for seeping from his lips and onto Phil’s skin.

“Goodnight, love,” he whispers eventually.

Phil doesn’t respond, already asleep. Dan knows that he won’t sleep for a while yet, but for some reason now, cuddled up like this, he’s not bothered at all by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! Thank you so much for all the love on the last chapter, I'm still just in shock over it :'') I hope you enjoyed this one, let me know what you thought! <3


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil take the twins to visit a relative.

“We need to talk to you two about something.”

Dan doesn’t exactly mean for it to come out quite so ominous, so he’s quick to offer the twins a small smile. They were sat at the dinner table after indulging in some ice cream for dessert, per Phil’s request, and Dan figured now was as good a time as any to have this discussion.

“Should we move to the lounge, babe?” Phil is stood by the sink, as he’d just cleared the table, and Dan finds himself nodding and standing up, almost on impulse.

Amelia stands up from her seat slowly, sending Jaiden an anxious frown. “Are we in trouble?” She asks, sounding resigned.

“No, no, of course not,” Dan reassures her. He ruffles her hair when she walks over to him, her brown eyes wide as she looks up at him. “Phil and I just need to have a conversation with you two about something important, yeah? Not in trouble though, I promise, love-bug.”

She’s got a wary look on her face but nods anyway before leading the way to the lounge just off the kitchen. Jaiden follows her, chewing his lips in a nervous fashion as his eyes dart to Dan, then Phil, then to the floor. Something about that nags at the corner of Dan’s mind as familiar, but he can’t put his finger on why.

It’s not until a moment later, when he feels a finger brush across his mouth, that he realizes why. “Quit biting your lips, Dan. They’re already busted up enough, you’re gonna make them start bleeding again.” He’s got a sort of exasperated sigh in his voice, but it just makes Dan giggle.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, turning to face him. Phil looks unamused, and it prompts Dan to lean forward, pressing his lips just to the corner of Phil’s. He doesn’t intend for the kiss to land quite so close to Phil’s mouth, but when he leans away, he pretends that he hadn’t noticed. “I’ll try to stop doing it, promise.”

Phil’s got an obvious pink tint to his cheeks now, but he clears his throat and feigns nonchalance. Something about the way that affected him amuses Dan, and he takes a moment to admire the result. “I’ll pick up some chapstick the next time I’m out,” he eventually says.

Dan grins. “Great!” He turns to trot out of the kitchen, a new pep in his step. “Coming?” He calls, glancing back at Phil, who’s still just stood there, looking into vacant space.

“Mm, yeah,” he mumbles. His eyes shift then, and he smiles. “Right behind you.”

~~~

They’re sat on a chair they’d pulled in front of the sofa, Dan sitting on the arm while Phil was properly sat in the chair like a normal human being. Dan figured this was something that needed to happen face to face, and since the only seating they had in the downstairs lounge was the sofa from he and Phil’s first flat, he figured that sitting across from the twins, who were sat side-by-side on the sofa, was the next best option.

“So, you two aren’t in trouble, for starters.” Phil is opening the discussion up, as they figured it would be easier for him to take the lead, and have Dan jump in if the children had a negative reaction. Dan wasn’t really anticipating one, but he wasn’t entirely sure, and Hazel had warned him to be open-minded at asking the children if they wanted to see their brother, and to expect various responses.

“Are we leaving?” Jaiden suddenly blurts.

Dan shares a confused look with Phil. “What?”

Jaiden’s eyes fill with tears, and Amelia stares down at her hands. “You’re sending us away, aren’t you? To a different home?”

“What? No! No, we aren’t sending you away.” Dan can’t seem to spit the words out fast enough. He feels every cell in his body rejecting the very idea of sending them away, and he almost flinches at how much he despises the idea. “You’re not going anywhere, alright? You’re our kids, yeah?”

Amelia’s lip is quivering, and Jaiden’s tears are freely falling now. Dan sends Phil a helpless look, begging for help. “Hey, hey,” Phil says softly, leaning forward and scooping Amelia into his arms. “Love, we’re not sending you away. It’s nothing like that, okay? It’s- well, it’s something to do with our family, yeah, but not leaving.”

Dan gently places his hand on Jaiden’s shoulder, knowing that sometimes he was a little more shy about physical affection than his sister was. This time, apparently, wasn’t one of those times, as Jaiden stands and throws his arms around Dan’s neck, crying on his shoulder. “Shh, shh. Bubby, I promise it’s okay. It’s alright, yeah? Let’s sit down and have a talk about it, okay?”

After they’ve coaxed the children back into a calmer state, they’re back as they were before, with the twins sat across from them, waiting patiently, and a bit teary-eyed, for them to speak. Dan glances at Phil, who nods before clearing his throat. They’d decided the best thing to do was just rip the plaster off it, so Dan braces himself for the aftermath of the announcement.

“We wanted to know if you’d like to see Levi.”

Silence.

Amelia seems shocked, while Jaiden looks almost confused.

Eventually, Amelia speaks. “You know Levi?”

Dan exchanges a glance with Phil. The older man quirks his lip, tilting his head in Dan’s direction. “Well, sort of. We know he’s your brother, and we thought that you and Jaiden might be missing him. So, if you would like, we’ve arranged to go see him.”

“When?” Jaiden asks, his voice a little loud and very excited.

Quirking a smile at that, Dan leans forward and announces, in a conspiratorial tone, “Sunday, if everyone wants to go.”

Jaiden’s already nodding, and relief floods Dan at the idea that at least he is looking forward to it. He’d honestly not been sure what to expect from him about this, so he was glad that he seemed to be excited and in agreement about it.

Amelia, on the other hand, looks a little less enthusiastic. “Mia?” Phil calls, ducking his head at her. “What do you think?”

“I don’t want to go.” She announces softly.

“Mia,” Jaiden hisses.

“Wait, let her speak,” Dan shushes him. “Mia? Can I ask why you don’t want to go?”

She looks down at her hands, quiet for a moment. Eventually, she shrugs. “I just don’t want to.”

Dan nods slowly, his gaze sliding over to meet Phil’s. He sees his own confusion and worry reflected in blue eyes, and in a way, it’s reassuring to find that he’s not the only one at a loss of what to say or do.

“I think…” Phil starts slowly, still clearly trying to gather his thoughts. “Mia, I think that maybe Levi isn’t in the same kind of place that you and Jaiden are in.”

This gets her attention. Her eyes narrow a bit, and she tentatively asks, “What kind of place is he in?”

Phil opens and closes his mouth a couple times, stuttering a bit as he tries to find the right words. “Well, um-“

Dan interrupts, trying to do some damage control. “Levi is staying somewhere with lots of kids. So, he might like to see you and Jai, yeah? I reckon he misses you guys a lot.” Dan tries to choose his words carefully, as he doesn’t want to feel like he’d guilted her into anything.

“Yeah?” She whispers.

He nods. “Yeah. We don’t have to go, if you really don’t want to, but I think maybe it would make Levi happy if you guys went to see him.”

Amelia has a look of uncertainty on her face and looks to her twin. Jaiden stares back at her pleadingly. “Please, Mia. I want to see Levi.”

Dan waits, holding his breath, as Amelia thinks it over. He nearly jumps when he feels a hand wrapping around his own but isn’t surprised when he looks down and finds that Phil is holding his hand tightly. Phil looks like he’s on the verge of being sick, and Dan knows that hand is there to take support just as much as it is to give it. He squeezes gently, swiping his thumb over the soft skin of Phil’s wrist.

Finally, Amelia nods. “Okay. Do we have to stay there for a long time?”

A relieved laugh falls from Dan’s lips at that. “No, love-bug. We don’t have to stay very long, just there for a visit.”

She nods again. “Okay.” She stares down at her hands, and then softly, “Can I go to bed now?”

Phil is the one to answer. “Yes, sweetheart. Do you want a goodnight hug?”

Amelia nods, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Goodnight, Dad,” She mumbles against his shoulder.

He kisses her hair. “Goodnight, Mia. I love you.”

She gets to Dan next, as Jaiden goes over to Phil for his own hug, the conversation clearly over. Dan presses a kiss to her forehead gently. “You’re being a very good sister,” he whispers to her. “I know Jaiden appreciates what you’re doing for him, and I’m sure Levi is going to be so happy to see you.”

Amelia only squeezes his neck tighter. “Goodnight, Daddy. Love you.”

“Goodnight, baby girl. I love you more.” He smiles at her as she pulls away, ruffling her hair softly. “Have sweet dreams.”

Jaiden takes her place, and although his hug doesn’t last nearly as long, Dan feels a swell of overwhelming love when the little boy mumbles, “Love you, Daddy.”

“Love you more, Jai-bird. Have sweet dreams, yeah? Don’t forget to turn on your nightlight.”

With a nod and a last chorus of “goodnight,” the twins are off down the hall, leaving Dan and Phil by themselves once more.

Phil huffs out a long, relieved breath, and Dan nearly collapses against his side. “That went better than I thought it would,” Phil mumbles, resting his head against the top of Dan’s.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Bed?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

~~~

Sunday arrives faster than Dan would like, and he finds himself loading the kids into the car, his hands shaking a little as he helps Jaiden buckle his seatbelt. Phil is already in the passenger seat, tinkering with the radio in a way that gets under Dan’s skin just a little more than usual. He finishes helping the kids in and shuts the door before sliding behind the steering wheel with an agitated huff, keeping his eyes forward as he pulls his seatbelt over his chest.

“You alright?” Phil murmurs from beside him, changing the station once more.

“I’m fine,” Dan snaps. “Could you cut it out with the buttons?” His tone is completely uncalled for, and he knows this, but he doesn’t even glance over to Phil for his reaction.

He doesn’t have to look at him to feel the way Phil’s hand gently pries his away from the steering wheel, intertwining their fingers slowly. “Everything’s okay, you know,” Phil whispers softly. “Everything’s going to be fine, we’re going to be fine.”

Dan nods, his throat tight. He lifts their intertwined hands then, pressing a long kiss to the soft skin stretched over Phil’s knuckles. After taking a moment to just breathe, he realizes he does feel a little better. “Thank you,” he mumbles.

Phil squeezes his hand before lowering them to rest on the console between them. They normally didn’t do this, the whole hand-holding thing, but he figured that for now he’d earned a little comfort in the affectionate gesture. “Do you guys want to listen to some bops?” Phil asks, turning to look at the kids with a broad grin.

There’s a chorus of yeses, and how could Dan deny such a request, with three cute little faces looking at him with such pleading eyes. He rolls his own eyes, but gestures at the radio. “Fine, but no Baby Shark or I’m throwing myself out a window.”

“Why don’t you like Baby Shark?” Amelia asks innocently.

Almost immediately, Dan’s on a rampage. “Because I don’t conform to the heteronormative familial stereotypes of a family of animated sharks, and-“

He’s cut off by a raised eyebrow from Phil. His mouth immediately snaps shut, and he can feel himself blushing. Phil picks up like Dan hadn’t spoken, turning around to lock eyes with the kids. “Dan has horrible music taste, that’s why he doesn’t like it.”

Dan splutters, but over the kids giggling and Phil turning up the volume on a song that Dan vaguely recognizes, he can’t get a single protest in. And somehow, for today at least, that’s okay.

~~~

“Hi, I’m Dan Howell, I spoke with Hazel? We’re here to see Levi,” Dan introduces himself to the petite, curly haired woman who had opened the door at the house they’d been given the address for.

“Right! Hazel told me you’d be coming,” the woman, who has yet to introduce herself, is smiling broadly as she looks between Dan and Phil, then her eyes fall to the twins. There’s a flicker of something, maybe understanding, that passes over her face, but she’s quick to smile down at them. “Aren’t you two just darling,” she gushes.

Amelia smiles shyly, while Jaiden just ducks behind Phil’s leg. Phil drops a reassuring hand to his head, petting gently. He offers the woman an apologetic smile. “Little bit shy, sometimes,” he says in explanation. He holds his hand out for a handshake, smiling brightly. “I’m Phil, Dan’s partner.”

“It’s lovely to meet you both. I’m Sophie, Levi’s current caseworker, actually.”

Dan shares a glance with Phil. “Great! Is he… Does he know we’re coming?”

Sophie nods before stepping away, leading them into the foyer. “He does, yes. I’m sure Hazel told you today was a family visitation day, yes?”

“She did,” Dan nods. “We hope it’s okay that we came today, we weren’t really sure if there was another time…” He trails off, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

“Of course! We have several guests today, and refreshments and things set up in the dining room. The upstairs area isn’t permitted for visitation during visitation days, so most of the children choose to spend their time with family in the lounge, or sometimes out in the garden. It’s a lovely day today, so a few of our families are actually outside right now.” She laughs a little, a cheerful sort of sound. “Which explains the quiet, because believe me, it’s unusual here.”

They follow as she leads them into the kitchen, but a question is at the back of Dan’s mind. “So, are you here often? I know you said you were his caseworker, so I assume you don’t… stay here, correct?”

“Right, that would be our caregiver, but I am here as often as I can be. Every visitation day, for sure, and several times throughout the week as well. I take Levi to his group therapy on Saturdays, things like that.”

Dan and Phil both nod along, but Dan catches a glimpse at the kids and sees that they’re anxiously looking around, clearly waiting to finally see their brother. He clears his throat before turning to smile at Sophie. “Can we see him?”

Sophie smiles, but it seems a little forced. “Of course.” She hesitates a little then before speaking a little quieter. “He is a little prone to aggressive episodes, and we’re not really sure how keen he’ll be about this visit.”

Phil glances over at Dan with a shrug. “Well, we’ll just have to see for ourselves, won’t we?”

The caseworker smiles, a little sadly, but nods. “Right. He should be in the garden with the others.” She turns then, leading them out a little door just off the side of the kitchen. “He’s not very sociable, but, he stays out here pretty often, and- there he is. Levi?”

Dan catches sight of him almost immediately, a little surprised at how strongly he resembles Jaiden. There are differences, of course. He’s tall, nearly as tall as Dan himself, and his shoulders sag in a way that Jaiden’s don’t, almost as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders. Somehow, Dan doesn’t feel that it’s all that far from the truth.

At the sound of his name, Levi glances up from where he’d been staring down at his shoes. His eyes widen instantly at the sight of his siblings, and he nearly trips as he stumbles to his feet. Before Dan can even say a word, Jaiden is running across the garden, straight into Levi’s arms. Levi hoists him up, and Jaiden is like a koala wrapped around his torso, his little face buried into the older boy’s shoulder. Dan can’t hear a word of what he’s saying, but he can see Levi’s mouth moving, his eyes wet.

Something about it is just far too personal, and Dan finds himself looking away, his eyes finding Phil’s. The older man wears an expression that mirrors what Dan’s feeling currently, and Dan is a little surprised when he feels wetness on his cheekbone. He glances away, wiping the tear away quickly, embarrassed. He realizes then that Amelia is still stood behind Phil, her feet rooted to the spot.

“Mia?” He asks softly, crouching down to speak to her face-to-face. “Don’t you want to go see Levi?”

She shakes her head. She doesn’t elaborate, so Dan glances up at Phil, helpless. The older man turns around and copies Dan’s position, smiling sweetly at their daughter. “Are you scared, sweetheart?”

Slowly, Amelia nods, just once. Dan glances over at where Levi is stood, staring at them with a frown on his face. Dan feels his heart tug, turning back to Amelia. “I know it’s scary, since you haven’t seen him in a long time, but he’s still your brother, yeah? He’s just been away for a bit.”

Amelia shifts her gaze to the ground, kicking at the dirt until Phil gently taps her shoe for her to stop. “What if he doesn’t want to be our brother anymore?”

Dan smiles. This, he could handle. “Silly girl, of course he does. You know I have a little brother?” Amelia’s eyes widen and she shakes her head slowly. “Yep, Adrian. And I don’t see him very much, but he’s still my baby brother and I love him. Levi still loves you and Jai, even if he hasn’t seen you in a while, okay?”

Her eyes flit over to Levi and Jaiden, and she slowly nods. “Okay.” She takes a few steps away from them then, leaving them to stand and watch her as she walks over to her brothers. Levi drops to his knees, holding his arms out. She all but falls into his embrace, and Dan can tell from the way she shakes that she’s sobbing. It makes his heart hurt, and he takes a step forward, but a grip on his wrist keeps him from getting too far.

Phil slides his hand down to properly grasp Dan’s, a small smile on his face as he shakes his head. “No, love, let them have their moment. She’s fine. Like you said, he’s their brother, he loves them.”

Dan swallows hard and forces a nod. “I just hate to see her cry,” he mumbles.

“I know. But she’s okay. Give her a minute with him, yeah?”

So Dan forces himself to wait, as patiently as he can, until Levi finally stands, Mia propped up on his hip as he does. His eyes scan around briefly until they settle on Dan and Phil, and the expression on his face is hard to decipher. Dan hopes he’s not angry, but he knows that might be too much to wish for. To be in a situation where your family is split apart right in front of you, then to be separated from your siblings... well, Dan figured Levi had earned the right to be upset if he was.

He seems a little wary about it, but Levi makes his way over, Jaiden trotting along dutifully behind him. Stopping a few feet away, his gaze darts between the two men and the ground, as if he’s unsure where he should look.

Dan hates to think that they’re making Levi nervous, so he decides to go ahead and break the tension. “Hello, Levi. I’m Dan, and this is my partner, Phil. We’ve been fostering your siblings for several months.”

Levi nods in a vague sort of way. “I gathered that,” he says, a little sarcastic as he says it.

Dan shares a look with Phil, his own nervousness reflected in the blue of Phil’s eyes. Without any preamble about it, Phil reaches over and grabs his hand, squeezing gently. Dan doesn’t miss the way that Levi’s gaze darts to their intertwined fingers, but a comment doesn’t come, to his surprise.

“We wanted the chance to meet you and speak with you about some things,” Phil says eventually, taking the lead on what’s becoming a silence competition.

Levi’s arms seem to tighten around his sister defensively. “Like what?” He mutters, still staring mostly at the ground.

Dan glances at the kids, trying to decide how best to get a moment alone with their brother to speak about fostering him. It was something they didn’t want the twins privy to until it actually happened, so that they wouldn’t get their hopes up for nothing.

Luckily, he catches a glimpse of Sophie, who seems to be orchestrating some kind of game with some of the younger kids. Perfect.

“Kiddos, why don’t you guys go play with some of the other kids for a bit? We need to talk to Levi about some boring stuff, and it’ll be fun to make some new friends.” Dan nods his head in Sophie’s direction encouragingly, and he’s not surprised when Amelia’s eyes light up with excitement at the prospect of new friends. She was quite the extrovert of the two of them, and he felt a pang of sympathy for Jaiden.

“Yeah, c’mon, Jai!” She says excitedly, scrambling out of Levi’s arms and grabbing Jaiden’s hand to lead him over.

“Mia, remember his personal space, love,” Dan calls as a gentle reminder. Jaiden shoots him a grateful look as Amelia drops his hand, but he follows her over to the crowd of children nonetheless.

When Dan turns back around, Levi is staring at him with a curious look. Rather than question it, Dan smiles at him. This sort of backfires immediately, as Levi just drops his gaze again, but Dan thinks it’s worth the effort.

“What did you guys want to talk to me about?” Levi asks in the direction of his shoes.

Phil clears his throat, catching Dan’s eye before speaking. “How about we go have a seat?”

Levi shrugs, but leads the way over to some empty patio chairs. He pulls his legs up to his chest as soon as he’s sat down, hugging them tightly and making himself smaller. Dan’s heart aches at the sight, and he squeezes Phil’s hand for a bit of comfort. Phil shares a knowing glance with him as they sit down in the two chairs across from Levi’s.

“So, Levi, we wanted to talk to you about your living situation.” Dan takes the lead this time, watching Levi’s face carefully for any changes. He’s not surprised when the best they get is a shift in his gaze.

“Yeah?” Levi mumbles. “What about it?”

“Well, tell us about your living situation here,” Dan says then pauses. “If you want to.”

Levi’s quiet for only a few minutes, then he shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s shitty, I guess.”

Dan glances over at Phil but can’t help the laugh that tumbles out of his mouth. Phil sends him an unamused stare, and Dan tries to school his mouth into a more appropriate shape. Not easy, when he glances over at Levi and finds him almost smirking, proud of himself for making Dan laugh.

Trying for a serious expression, Dan nods. “I imagine so. Have you got your own room here?”

Levi shakes his head, holding the eye contact a bit longer this time before dropping it once again. “No. I share with three other boys.”

Phil makes a sympathetic sound. “That’s awful.”

Levi shrugs.

Dan shares a look with Phil before clearing his throat. “Levi, how would you feel about living somewhere else?”

This gets his full attention. Dan almost laughs at how fast Levi’s head snaps up to look at him then. “What do you mean?” He demands, almost suspicious.

“We’ve spoken to Sophie, and the twins’ case manager, and they agreed that if you wanted to, you could come stay with us.” Phil pauses for a moment, as if letting it sink in. “If you want to, of course. You don’t have to, but...” he trails off to look at Dan.

“We wanted you to have the option,” Dan finishes for him. “The kids miss you so much, and...” Dan’s gaze moves over to them and he finds himself smiling just watching them play together. “We’d do anything for them. So, if you want, you can come stay with us.” He offers Levi a friendly smile then, but the teen stares at him in disbelief.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” He asks, almost in a whisper. “Are you sure you actually want to foster me?”

Dan furrows his eyebrows, sharing a similar look with Phil. “Of course we do. We don’t think it’s right that you and your siblings were separated,” Phil says, that same confused look on his face.

“Do you not want to stay with us? You can be honest.” Dan doesn’t want to pressure him by any means, but he figures it might be best to ask the question sooner rather than later.

Levi tugs on the sleeves of his shirt nervously. “It’s not that...” he trails off, his gaze darting between the two of them before settling on Dan. “It’s just, like, no one else has wanted me. I’ve been in four different foster homes before this one, and I just...” he shrugs helplessly.

Dan can feel his throat tightening with tears, and he forces himself to take a deep breath before trying to speak again. “Levi, we don’t care where you’ve been. We want you to stay with us, if that’s what you want.”

It’s quiet for several moments as Levi seems to consider it. He chews on his lip harshly, mimicking the gesture that Dan’s only recently started to notice in Jaiden. Something there makes him smile.

“Did Sophie say I could come live with you?” Levi asks, his voice lilting up nervously.

Phil nods. “She did, yeah. We’ve spoken to her and she said that could be arranged, if it’s what you want as well.”

Levi nods slowly. “And I’ll go with the twins if they leave, right?”

Dan’s first instinct is to reject the notion that the twins will be leaving, but he knows that isn’t fair. He can’t in good conscience lie to Levi when there’s a very real possibility that they’ll be placed into a more permanent foster home eventually. Still, his every cell rejects the very idea of losing the children he’s come to think of as his own.

“Right,” he forces himself to say. “You guys will have the same social worker, so as far as I know you’ll be moved together from now on.”

Levi nods again. “Okay.”

Phil squeezes Dan’s hand, and when Dan glances at him he finds the other man smiling hopefully back at him. “So, you want to stay with us?” He asks, the optimism in his voice unmistakable.

“I want to be wherever my brother and sister are,” Levi corrects, his voice harsh. A guilty look immediately comes over his face, then, so Dan knows it was just a knee-jerk reaction, not something personal. “I mean...” he seems to struggle for a moment before shrugging kind of helplessly.

Dan forces a smile. “We get it.”

The boy nods, looking away. “Can I go play with them?” He asks, looking uncertain.

Nodding, Dan gestures for him to go. “Absolutely, yeah.” Just before Levi stands, Dan remembers something. “Oh, Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t... try not to mention it to the twins, okay? They don’t know that we’re trying to foster you, and we don’t want them to get their hopes up in case something keeps that from happening.”

Levi stares at him, a flash of panic on his face. “So you think it might not happen?” He sounds almost angry, and Dan stumbles for the right words to say.

Phil steps in then, thankfully. “It’s not that, no. We think it will, but we’d rather not jinx it.” He shrugs then. “I’m superstitious, is all.”

There’s a tilt to Levi’s head then, as if he’s assessing them in a different light. “Okay. I’ll keep quiet about it.”

Dan smiles in relief. “Thanks, Levi.”

He watches as Levi stands and shuffles towards where the kids are playing, his hands tucked in his pockets like he isn’t sure whether or not he’s welcome. Dan’s heart aches for him, but luckily Amelia turns around then, as if she can sense his gaze, and her eyes light up when she sees him.

“Levi! Come play with us!” She calls loudly, gesturing wildly.

The smile on Levi’s face is heart-warming, and Dan squeezes Phil’s hand as he watches him join the twins in a game of hide and seek.

“He’s going to be okay, you know,” a voice says, close to his ear.

Dan turns, his face heating up a little at how close Phil’s face is. “I know,” he says, his voice a little more defensive than he’d intended.

“We will be too. I... I know you’re nervous about it,” Phil admits, as if he’s ashamed about how well they know each other. Dan hopes that’s not the case.

“Yeah,” Dan says softly. “I am.”

Phil nods. “Me too.”

“But we’ll be okay,” Dan offers.

Smiling, Phil tilts his head just a bit and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “Yeah, we’ll be fine.”

~~~

They stay a bit longer than they’d intended to, but the twins are having such a great time that Dan can’t bear to ruin their fun. Eventually, though, the sun starts setting and it gets chilly, and Dan’s already fretting about it.

“They’re fine, love, they’re running around and playing and whatever,” Phil tries to console him.

“I know that,” Dan mumbles. “I just don’t want them catching a cold.”

As if she’s been summoned, Amelia rushes up to them, a pout on her lips. She comes to a halt at Phil’s knees, and without any preamble she scrambles onto his lap, tossing her head onto his shoulder and crossing her arms. “I’m cold,” she announces.

Dan gives Phil a smug look, which he receives an eye roll for. “Alright, well we should probably head home anyway,” Phil starts, wrapping his arms around her to keep her warm.

“I don’t wanna leave,” she protests. She leans away then, frowning at him. “I wanna stay and play with Levi.”

“I-“ Phil looks a little taken aback by Amelia’s outburst, glancing over at Dan with a panicked look.

Amelia, always one to sense weakness, turns her gaze to Dan as well. “Daddy, I wanna stay.”

Dan offers her a sympathetic smile. “Love, we can’t stay. We have school tomorrow, remember? We have to get home so we can get to bed on time.”

Her gaze drops to the ground at this. “I don’t wanna.”

“I know, bug. But we’ll see Levi again soon, okay?”

That gets her attention. “Really? Soon?”

“Yeah,” he promises. He prays it’s not an empty one. “But he’s probably got to get to bed too, you know.”

Just then, Levi and Jaiden appear. “Who has to get to bed?” Jaiden asks curiously.

Dan smiles at them. “You and your sister do. But Levi probably has to as well, so we’re about to leave.”

Jaiden frowns, stepping closer to Levi. Something about that hurts, and Dan knows it shouldn’t, but it does. “Can’t we stay a little longer?”

“Bub, we’ve been here for nearly three hours. We’ve gotta get back home for dinner and a bath, yeah?” Phil says, his voice gently coaxing.

He doesn’t look pleased about it, but Jaiden nods anyway. “Okay,” he mumbles. His head darts up then, his eyes wild with excitement. “Can we come back soon?”

Dan shares a hesitant look with Phil, unsure how honest they’re trying to be about this. When Phil shrugs, Dan offers the kids a nod. “We might, yeah.”

He doesn’t miss the small smile on Levi’s face then, and he feels a swell of hope in his chest. It was too soon to hope for much more than that, but he hoped that eventually they’d be able to consider him a part of their family too.

Jaiden does a little hoppy thing that makes Dan smile fondly, and he notices the look mirrored in Levi’s face. Before he has the chance to comment, Phil’s saying, “Alright, kiddos, let’s say bye to Levi for now.”

There’s mumbled protests, but they hug Levi and say their goodbyes easily enough, although Amelia lingers far longer than her twin. “C’mon, Mia. Let’s go home, yeah?”

She sniffs, but nods, slipping her hand into Dan’s and waving at Levi over her shoulder. He looks like he’s close to tearing up himself, but he forces a smile and waves back. His eyes drift up to Dan’s, and his smile tightens. “See you guys soon?” It sounds more like a question than a confirmation.

“As soon as we can, Levi. Promise.” Dan smiles reassuringly, hoping to convey that Levi can trust him. He hopes he’s not wrong about that.

“C’mon, love,” Phil’s voice is close to him, his hand settling on the small of Dan’s back as he speaks.

Dan allows himself to be guided to the door, leading Amelia on his other side, Jaiden a few steps ahead. He surveys the twins, his gaze unwillingly brought to glance one last time back at their brother, who’s taken a seat on one of the patio chairs, chewing on his thumbnail. Dan’s heart aches at the sight, a hurt deeper than he expected to feel for a child he just met. He reasons that this is the twins’ brother, and as much as he considers them his children by now, it feels already like Levi is an extension of that family. To leave him here by himself feels… Wrong, to say the least.

“You okay, little bear?” Phil murmurs a few minutes later when they’re climbing in the car, Dan starting the engine.

Nodding, Dan reaches across the console for Phil’s hand, not speaking. Phil is quick to lace their fingers together, dragging Dan’s hand up to his mouth to press a kiss to the skin stretched over his knuckles. “We’ll be back?” he whispers, quietly enough that the children can’t hear over the sound of the radio beginning to play.

Phil gives him a soft look. “We’ll do what we can, Daniel. That’s all we can do.”

“I know,” he whispers.

Offering him a sad smile, Phil brushes his lips across Dan’s hand once again, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

Tearing his gaze away, Dan focuses on the road, driving towards home, all the while feeling like he’s left a part of it behind him.

~~~

It’s a few days later, and while they’re anxiously waiting for a call back from Hazel or Sophie, their lives have to continue on as normally as possible. This is partly because the twins have no clue what’s going on, but also because Dan and Phil recognize that they have careers, children, and bills to attend to.

It’s a Wednesday when Dan goes to pay one such bill, or rather, the rent for the next month, and he’s faced with a surprise. He’d gone online to make a payment, only to find that it had already been made. He frowns at his desktop, pausing to glance back at the window where his bank account was open to double check that he hadn’t already paid it. He hadn’t, and his eyebrows knit together in confusion as he looks back at the page that’s telling him his rent had already been paid.

He stares and stares, but it still isn’t making any sense to him, until he sees the tab that says, “View Payments.” Dan clicks on the tab a little hesitantly, nervous to see what was going on here. There’s a series of payments listed, with the most recent one at the top. Dan checks the date, sees that it was paid a week ago. He tries to click on it, to try and see if maybe it would give him any information as to what account it had come from, but there’s no hyperlink, and the date just sits there, mocking him, next to the total payment.

He breathes out of his nose noisily, clicking over to the customer support tab to give them a ring. He hated calling and doing things like this, but he needed to know if there’d been a mistake, so he could make sure and fix it before the due date had passed and he was charged an extra fee.

The phone rings forever, but when the voice of an older sounding lady picks up, Dan sighs. He goes through the pleasantries, giving her is account info and waiting patiently for her to pull it up.

“Ah, I see. The account was switched a little over a week ago.”

“What?” Dan asks stupidly. “I didn’t change the account.”

The woman pauses. “Well, sir, it says here-“

“Does it say who the other account is registered under?” He asks suddenly, a sneaking suspicion crawling from the corners of his mind.

“A Philip Lester. Sir, if you didn’t make this change, we need to have this corrected right away-“

Dan sighs, again, loud enough to stop her mid-sentence. “It’s fine, that’s my fiancé.” If he had a spare braincell to consider it, Dan might have a miniature crisis over how easy it is for him to say that word now. “I just hadn’t realized he’d done it, is all.”

“Would you like me to switch the information back to yours, then? We can also assign you a new password to your account, if this is a… persistent problem.” She sounds mildly uncomfortable, and it takes Dan a moment to comprehend what she might be implying here.

Laughing, a little too loud in the silence of his office, Dan’s quick to reassure her. “No, no. It’s fine. He’s got my password to everything, it’s fine. Erm…” He’s at a loss about switching it over to his account again. On the one hand, he’s upset that Phil didn’t mention it to him, but he does remember how insistent Phil had been about paying some of the bills before. “Leave his info on there for now, I’ll have it switched online if I need to. Thank you for all your help, ma’am.”

“My pleasure. Have a nice rest of your day, Mr. Howell.”

Dan bids her goodbye before ending the call, immediately heading over to his messages and typing out a short one.

**_Dan: we need to talk_ **

**_Phil: Off air in 10 x_ **

~~~

Twelve minutes later (not that Dan is counting), his phone rings. He answers on the second ring.

“Hey, love. What’s up?” He sounds a little breathless, like he’d literally just gotten done rambling through his typical sign off speech. Dan doesn’t doubt that he did; Phil was usually pretty good about calling when he said he would, almost to the minute.

Dan skips the pleasantries. “Do you know anything about the apartment switching the account that our rent is drawn from?”

Phil sighs. “Yep.”

A pause. When Phil doesn’t speak, Dan snorts. “Care to elaborate?”

“Please tell me you’re not seriously cross about this, Dan. Come on.”

“I’m annoyed that you didn’t tell me first,” Dan says, trying to keep his tone neutral.

“Kind of sucks, doesn’t it?” Phil says smoothly.

Dan sucks in a sharp breath at this, bristling. “That’s not fair,” he protests.

“I didn’t say it to be fair.” Phil’s voice is unwaveringly serious now, and it makes Dan shift uncomfortably.

Frowning at his desk, Dan hesitates. He’s not sure where to go from there. “Can I tell you that you’re being kind of a dick right now?” He chews on his lip, nervous that this might end in a fight.

Phil laughs, and it sounds light enough that the anxiety building in Dan’s gut settles down a bit. “Sure. But I’m still right, babe.”

Dan closes his eyes, rests his forehead against his hand. “You didn’t tell me you wanted to do that.”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t let me.” Phil says evenly.

“Phil, we had an agreement-“

“Fuck the agreement. Dan, you literally only let me pay for groceries and occasionally the utilities. I just want us to be equal in this.”

Dan’s a little taken aback by the heat behind Phil’s words. He didn’t realize it bothered him so much. “Well, I do too, it’s just… It’s hard for me to let you do that.”

Phil snorts inelegantly. “No shit. You hate the idea of giving up control or whatever. I get it.”

The sheer honesty in his voice makes Dan feel small, and he cringes. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Yeah.” Phil is quiet for a long moment. “I just don’t like to feel like I’m leeching off you, Dan. It makes me uncomfortable,” he says quietly, almost too quiet for Dan to hear him.

“Phil…” Dan starts.

“I know, it sounds dumb. But…” Even when they’re not together, Dan can picture the clumsy shrug that Phil’s probably doing right now. “I can’t help how I feel.”

“I know. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

“Not your fault.”

Dan snorts. “Yes, it very literally is, but thank you for making me feel better. You’re always so good to me.” It feels weird, saying such an honest thing to Phil.

Phil sighs. “We’re supposed to be good to each other. That’s how this works, you know?”

Dan has no idea if he means the fake relationship arrangement or their friendship. He isn’t about to ask for a clarification, either. “Yeah…”

“You know, we could save the trouble entirely by having a joint bank account,” Phil says with a casualness that Dan instantly knows is put on.

“What?” He asks, dumbly. He heard Phil, of course, but he’s not sure he really heard him.

“We share practically everything anyway. Makes sense, don’t you think?” Phil is still speaking in that tone, that tone that implies this is just another normal conversation, like they’re speaking about the weather or something.

“I- Phil, I don’t know about that.” Dan does know about that, actually. It sounds fantastic. It sounds like a sure thing, a safety net even. It sounds like an intimacy he’d only ever want with his best friend.

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Phil eventually says, his voice softer. “If you don’t want to, really, we won’t. I just thought… It might make things easier.”

“You know if we do this you can’t change your mind,” Dan suddenly bursts, his most recurrent fear coming to the forefront of his thoughts yet again.

Phil sighs deeply. “I don’t want to change my mind. We…” He clears his throat. “We have a family, Daniel. I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”

“But what if something happens? And- and what if the twins get relocated? Then what, Phil?” Dan is aware that he’s close to spiraling, freaking out in a way that isn’t productive for either of them.

“Dan, listen to me.” There’s a pause. “Are you paying attention?”

“Yes,” Dan mumbles, feeling like a child about to be grounded.

“We’re a family. You and me. Even before the twins. Yeah?”

And-

And Dan hadn’t thought of it like that, not recently. But when it’s laid out like that, plain and simple, he feels stupid. Of course, they are. Even when they were younger, living off shitty paychecks and barely getting by in the first flat they shared, they were a family. Maybe not through blood or marriage, but through choice. And even now, in the weird situation they were in, they were still choosing each other.

“I shouldn’t have called you at work,” Dan says, for lack of anything better to say.

Phil laughs at this, loudly. “Don’t worry, I’m alone right now. And if this is a conversation we need to have for you to feel better, we’ll have it, even if I am at work.”

Dan chews on his nail, biting down hard to keep from saying anything stupidly sappy. “Okay,” He finally breathes.

“Hm?” Phil hums.

“I’ll do it. We can go to the bank, or call, or whatever, and set up a joint account.”

There’s a long silence.

Then- “Really?” Said softly into the phone.

Dan smiles down at his desk, his eyes catching the doodle he’d drawn there forever ago. It was him, Phil, and two children, a boy and a girl. His eyes mist as he studies it now, the irony not escaping him even as the sentimental part of his brain is aching to let out a strangled gasp at the meaning the doodle holds now. “We’re a family, right? So, we might as well do that as a unit, too.”

“Yeah.” Phil sounds pleased. “We’ll call the bank tomorrow, yeah?”

“M’kay. Do you want to come have lunch with me and we’ll do it together then?”

“That works,” Phil says after a moment, probably checking his busy schedule.

“Okay,” Dan says, calm now that the worst of the conversation seems to be over.

There’s a comfortable silence, then, before Phil breaks it. “Have you heard anything else from Hazel or Sophie?”

Dan sighs. “No, not yet. I’m sure we will soon.”

“I hope so. I don’t think I can bear looking at the twins again if they decide he can’t come live with us.” Phil’s voice is wet, and Dan’s throat constricts at the sound of it.

“I know. At least they don’t know that’s a possibility just yet.”

Luckily, they’d kept it a complete secret, so hopefully they can keep it that way until they know for sure what’s going to happen. Dan hated keeping something that big from them, but after talking to Phil and Hazel about it, they’d decided that it was probably the best thing to do.

“Yeah,” Phil says quietly. “Did you eat lunch?”

“I did,” Dan says, smiling over at his computer, where he’s stuck today’s sticky note. It features a stick figure drawing of a bear, with the caption “I hope today is bear-able!” Phil’s added a heart to it, and when Dan had pulled it out earlier, he’d blushed so hard that Louise demanded to see what it was.

_“You and Phil are like lovesick teenagers, I swear. You’re swooning over a drawing? Who even does that?”_

Dan had told her to mind her own business before sticking the note on his monitor with the ones from Monday and Tuesday. Ever since the positive reception from the twins and Dan the first time, Phil has stuck to packing their lunches and drawing little notes for them every day. Dan was so, so endeared by it; sue him if he’s acting like a schoolgirl with a silly crush.

“What did you think of your note?” Phil asks, the excitement in his voice very poorly concealed.

Biting his lip to hide his smile, as if Phil could even see it, Dan lets out a noncommittal noise. “Well, I don’t think it’s going to make it into the Louvre anytime soon.”

“Cute. If I was there I’d hit you,” Phil deadpans.

Dan giggles. “It was sweet, I loved it,” he says honestly.

“Good.” Phil sounds pleased. “What do you do with them?” He sounds genuinely curious, but the question makes Dan squirm nervously. He feels somewhat embarrassed, although he has no idea why.

“Oh, um, they’re, like around here somewhere,” he mumbles vaguely.

The line is silent for a minute. “Oh,” Phil says, his voice sad. “Right. I guess there’s not much use for a bunch of used sticky notes. Yeah.”

Dan frowns down at his desk, processing Phil’s words. He doesn’t actually think- but, maybe he does.

“I don’t throw them away, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he says bluntly.

“You don’t?” Phil sounds shocked.

“Of course not,” Dan says, feeling a little offended at the very idea. “I actually, um… Well…”

When he trails off, Phil hums inquisitively. “What?”

After hesitating a moment, Dan sighs. “Can I FaceTime you? I’ll just show you what I do with them.” He’s already regretting asking as soon as the words are out of his mouth, but he doesn’t want to hear that doubt in Phil’s voice ever again, especially not where he’s concerned.

“Er- yeah, sure.”

Dan nods before hanging up the call, immediately dialing him back on FaceTime. Phil answers almost immediately, looking rather perplexed. Dan can tell he’s in his office from his surroundings, and Dan’s relieved that he’s not surrounded by coworkers. This might be just as embarrassing for Phil as it is for Dan, and he’d hate for them to fight about it later.

“Hi,” Dan says softly, smiling at the Phil on his screen.

Phil returns the smile. “Hi. I was promised some proof that you keep the tokens of my affection?” He grins as soon as he says it, and it’s certainly a joke, but something about the phrasing of that makes Dan’s heart clench.

“Um, right. So, it’s kind of strange, but typically every day after I look at them, I- Well, here.” He stops talking, tapping the button that changes the camera view to the front camera, pointing it at his desktop. He watches Phil’s face closely to gauge his reaction to this, chewing on his lip harshly as he waits for the ridicule.

Except, it doesn’t come. Phil squints, first, but as soon as he seems to register what he’s seeing, his eyes go a little wide, his mouth dropping open as if he wants to speak. He doesn’t, but Dan waits patiently in case he decides he wants to. After a moment of silence, Dan can’t stand it anymore.

“Kinda silly, I know. But, I dunno, I like to look at them during the day, and-“

“You keep them there all week?” Phil asks, ignoring him entirely.

“Er- yeah. And at the end of the week I put them in a drawer,” Dan confirms.

Phil stares at what he’s seeing for a few more seconds before mumbling, “Turn the camera around, please.”

Dan does as he asks, smiling at him sheepishly. “Well, there you have it. I’m a hoarder.”

“I love that you keep them,” Phil says softly. His lips quirk with a hint of a smile.

“Of course I keep them,” Dan speaks, his voice a little shy. “I keep everything you give me, you know. Even as much as I hate clutter, I’m a slut for sentimental shit.”

Phil’s nose crinkles delicately. “You know I don’t like that word,” he comments blandly.

Dan grins. “Too bad. Shit, shit, shit.”

Phil rolls his eyes, letting out a loud sigh. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” When Dan only shrugs and bites back a laugh, Phil shakes his head. “You test me, Howell.”

“I work in education, that’s what I do,” he jokes.

To humor him, Phil laughs, even though they both know it wasn’t a decent joke. “Speaking of which, we should probably both get off the phone, personal calls shouldn’t be this long.”

Dan sighs, but after taking a glance at the clock, he can’t help but agree. “Okay.” He feels a little awkward suddenly, not sure how to end the call. He’s never felt quite this strange about having a conversation with his best friend, or rather ending a conversation, but the energy on this call has felt different than some of their more recent conversations, and he’s just not entirely sure how to handle that just yet.

“I’ll see you at home, love. Drive safe,” Phil’s saying, distracting Dan from his own thoughts.

“Yeah. I will. Bye, babe.” He feels himself cringe as soon as the word slips out, regardless of how many times they’ve said it to each other lately. If Phil finds it strange, however, he doesn’t act that way, only laughing quietly before saying another soft “Bye, Dan,” and hanging up the call.

Dan lets out a breath as soon as he sets his phone down, feeling more confused about his own emotions than he has in a while.

~~~

It’s almost a week after joining their bank accounts and close to two weeks since the visit with Levi when they get the call. Hazel was excited, and even as much as she tried to hide it, Dan could tell she had good news from the moment she said hello. After a brief explanation of how they would have to come in and sign some more forms, then it would be a few days for the paperwork to process, Hazel confirms his suspicions.

Levi was cleared to be transferred to live with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! thank you so much for reading and leaving such lovely comments, i've been having a super rough time lately and seeing all the love for this story brings me a little bit of happiness every week :'') and I hope somehow, this story does the same for you!!  
> stay safe!! <3


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil bring a new member of the family home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! the world is in a very scary place right now so I hope everyone is staying safe and being careful. My inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to, and I hope this chapter lifts your spirits a little, at least for a bit. <3

Two Saturdays after the initial visit, Dan and Phil go to pick Levi up. They had sat the twins down the night before to tell them the news, assuming, rightly so, that they would be too excited about it to concentrate on their schoolwork during the week. So, Friday night, Dan calls for a family meeting in the kitchen before their bedtime.

Jaiden and Amelia, as usual, look absolutely petrified about whatever news they’re about to receive. Dan doesn’t know whether to find their pessimism funny or just concerning, so he settles for a sympathetic smile when they spare nervous glances at him. After clearing the table, Phil joins them, knocking his leg against Dan’s under the table, and subtly crossing their ankles together. Dan tries not to show any acknowledgement of this, but he’s sure it’s painted in scarlet on his face.

“So, you guys aren’t in trouble, first of all,” Dan begins, interlacing his fingers and dropping his clasped hands to rest on the table.

The twins look so visibly relieved that Dan has to wonder if they’ve perhaps done something to deserve punishment that he and Phil might just be unaware of at this point in time. He hopes that’s not it, but he knows that as children, there’s always secrets to be hidden from parents or parental figures.

“Dan and I wanted to talk to you two about Levi,” Phil takes over, as Dan’s paused long enough for the silence to need filling. Dan’s glad that they’re sharing the load on this one, especially when both of the twins immediately perk up at their brother’s name.

“Are we going to visit him again?” Jaiden asks excitedly.

Phil and Dan share a look, not sure how best to gently ease the news into the conversation. “Well, not exactly, but we are going to be seeing him again.”

“When?” Jaiden demands, practically bouncing in his seat at this point.

“First, I have a question for you guys,” Dan says, trying to force the conversation back on the track he wanted it on.

“What?” Amelia asks curiously.

“Well…” Dan trails off to glance over at Phil, taking strength from his reassuring nod. “Phil and I were wondering how you guys would feel if Levi… maybe came to live here, with us.”

He waits with baited breath for the reaction. Anyone could bet that Jaiden would be thrilled, so Amelia is their wildcard here, and waiting for her reaction is walking through coals of a fire. The longer the time that elapses in silence, the more painful it’s beginning to feel.

Finally, she caves. A tiny grin breaks out on her lips, and Dan could sag with relief if he wasn’t so strung up with leftover nerves. “Is he? Or are you just kidding?”

“Depends,” Phil says, a teasing lilt in his voice. “Do you guys want him to?”

“Uh, yeah!” Jaiden says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Which, Dan could concede, to a child, it probably is.

“Mia?” Dan says gently, tilting his head down to see her face better. She’s staring down at the table, still smiling, just a little dazed.

“Can he really stay? When he gets here, he won’t leave?” She sounds so hopeful, after losing her brother to the system and fearing she’d never see him again, and to promise her anything else would seem a cruel and unusual punishment.

Swallowing around a lump in his throat, Dan nods. “He’ll be here as long as you are, love. You guys will move together from now on.” He hates the way his stomach twists painfully at the very thought of them leaving them at any point in time, but he pushes the words out nonetheless. He can omit certain things about their situation, but he can’t in good conscience lead her to believe that this is a permanent situation or that they’ll never be forced into a different home. Dan wishes more than anything that he could promise her that, but as of right now, that just wasn’t possible.

“When is he coming?” Jaiden asks, literally bouncing in his seat now.

“Well, we’re actually supposed to go pick him up tomorrow,” Phil informs them, surveying their faces for a reaction. “Would you two like to come with us to pick him up?” They’d discussed leaving them with Louise if there wasn’t an entirely positive reaction, but Dan didn’t think that would be necessary now.

“I wanna go!” Jaiden cheers.

“Me too, I wanna go too!” Amelia adds, leaning on the table and moving her feet underneath her in that way that Dan is always so quick to correct. This time he bites his tongue, choosing to let them bask in this good news in peace for right now.

“We’re going to be going around lunchtime, guys, so make sure you get lots of sleep tonight, so that you’ll have energy to play with Levi tomorrow, okay?” Phil says, grinning when both the twins groan.

“You just want us to go to bed early,” Jaiden mutters suspiciously.

Phil raises his hands innocently, biting back a smile as Dan watches the situation unfold with amusement, propping his head up in his hand. “It’s simply a coincidence that I would like you to go to bed early and that we’re going to pick up your brother tomorrow. I don’t make the rules, guys, I just-“

“Enforce them?” Dan guesses, rolling his eyes and gesturing to Phil with his thumb while the children giggle. “No, but Dad’s right, it’s getting late and we have a busy day tomorrow.”

The twins look disappointed but not surprised. They rise from their chairs and for a brief second Dan thinks they’re headed out of the kitchen entirely, but Amelia makes her way around the table with her arms held out for a hug. He smiles warmly at her as he pulls her into his arms. “Night, Daddy. Love you,” she says into his shirt.

“Night, sweet girl. Love you, don’t forget to brush your teeth.” Dan places a kiss to her hair before letting her go, watching as she and Jaiden switch spots. He hugs Jaiden to his chest. “Goodnight, little man. I love you.”

“Love you too. Can we have pancakes tomorrow?” Jaiden mumbles into Dan’s shirt.

Dan laughs, running a hand over his child’s head, petting his hair. “We’ll see, okay? Maybe if we can bribe Dad into cooking we’ll have some pancakes,” he whispers conspiratorially, as if Phil isn’t sat right there listening to them talk. Jaiden giggles before turning around in Dan’s arms to see Phil’s reaction.

“I heard that, you know,” Phil says, confirming his thoughts. “And I’ll have you know I will not be bribed into doing anything.” He says this with such confidence that Dan can’t help but snort.

“You will if you want pancakes badly enough, bub,” Dan argues.

Phil shakes his head. “Nope, because my lovely fiancé can make pancakes just as well as I can. And he would love to, I just know.” Phil grins cheekily then, his tongue poking out between his teeth. Dan hates how endearing he finds that, after all these years.

“Actually, my hands don’t work, I can’t do it, unfortunately,” Dan says, lifting his wrists and allowing his hands to dangle lifelessly. He shrugs, feigning helplessness.

“You are so full of-“ Phil pauses, glancing at the twins. Amelia raises an eyebrow as if she knows he wants to swear, and Dan giggles. “Not pancakes. You aren’t full of pancakes, and you won’t be, either, because you’re a horrible, horrible boy.”

Dan nods, but leans down to stage whisper to Jaiden, “He’s bluffing, just wait. We’ll get our pancakes, I promise.”

Jaiden giggles hysterically, and Dan smiles at the sound, kissing his forehead before releasing him. Amelia shakes her head, patting Phil’s arm comfortingly. “They’ll be good pancakes, Dad, we’ll really like them.”

Phil stares at her, incredulous, as she wiggles out of his grip and moves to go to her room. His gaze turns to Dan, and he looks positively shocked at the turn of events. Dan can’t help but laugh, at both the situation and Phil’s reaction. “I can’t believe I just got suckered into making pancakes by my children,” he says, his voice loud with disbelief.

Dan shrugs. “That’s showbiz, baby. Now, come on, I want to cuddle and listen to some music before I go to sleep.”

Rolling his eyes, Phil stands to follow Dan out of the kitchen. “Bossy,” He mumbles. “Can’t believe you didn’t defend me when our children just attacked me like that.” He sounds like a proper damsel in distress, and Dan snorts.

“It was my idea to throw you under the bus, mate, don’t know what you expected.” He stops at the doorway to their bedroom, leaning against it to speak down the hall in the direction of the twin’s room. The door is open and there’s a soft glow of light pouring into the hall, likely coming from Jaiden’s rather luminescent dinosaur night light. “Don’t forget to brush your teeth, kids!” He calls.

They each call back with affirmatives that they’ve completed this task, and Dan smiles. Behind him, he feels a hand run down his back, and then Phil’s voice. “Night, kiddos. We love you!”

There’s a chorus of tiny “I love you’s” from the bedroom down the hall, and Dan smiles, his eyes misting. Before he can actually cry or be emotional about it, he steps into his room, heading straight for the bathroom. Phil follows, and they brush their teeth side by side, arms brushing even as they’re stood with their dominant arms on opposite sides. Phil makes faces at Dan through the mirror, and Dan rolls his eyes, watching out of the corner of his eye for every change of Phil’s expression.

As soon as they’re lying in bed together with the lights off, Phil hands Dan his phone, the Spotify app already opened. “Here. Play something good,” he mumbles, throwing his arm around Dan’s waist and snuggling against his back.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan mumbles. He decides on some Muse, to be nostalgic. He closes his eyes to the tenor of Matt Bellamy’s voice in front of his face, moving his arm to place it over Phil’s, slotting his fingers between Phil’s. “Are you worried about tomorrow?” He whispers, suddenly wanting to let his anxieties about the day to come out in the open to be addressed.

“Not really. I’m worried that Levi will feel awkward and we won’t know how to make him more comfortable, but I think overall the kids will be much happier to be back together as a family.” He sounds like he’s thought about this a lot, and Dan’s gut twists with the knowledge that Phil has obviously been harboring some concerns about this new update in their life but has evidently worked it out himself.

“Yeah,” Dan agrees, for lack of anything better to say. After a moment, he mumbles, “I hope he feels comfortable eventually. I want him to feel like this is his home, too.”

He feels lips on the back of his head then, and he warms at the feeling. “Of course we want that. He’s a part of our family now, of course we want him to feel at home.”

“Mhm,” Dan murmurs, finally feeling sleep reaching for him. “Might fall asleep,” he warns.

Phil laughs softly, a soft puff of air sweeping past Dan’s curls and warming the shell of his ear. “Okay, baby. I’ll turn the music off when you do.”

“M’kay,” Dan snuggles back against him with a contented sigh. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Dan.”

~~~

After a breakfast of pancakes (which Phil cooked before Dan had even woken up, likely up early due to his anxiety about the day’s itinerary) everyone goes to their bedrooms to get ready for the day ahead. The twins are buzzing with excitement, and Dan is almost relieved about this, as it masks his own nervous energy a little. It’s still noticeable in the way that he finds himself constantly biting his lips, much to Phil’s chagrin.

“If you don’t quit doing that, Dan, I swear-“ Phil says at one point when they’re stood in the bathroom together.

Dan’s eyes dart to meet Phil’s in the mirror, and he offers an apologetic smile. “Sorry, ‘m nervous.”

Phil rolls his eyes exasperatedly, and Dan thinks he’s genuinely mad until he feels Phil’s hand on his jaw. His eyes had dropped to the sink, but now they focus on the mirror again, just in time to see Phil lean in and press a long kiss to his dimple. “Breathe, Dan. Just breathe. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Dragging in a deep breath, Dan nods. “Okay. Yeah. It’s fine.”

“Exactly,” Phil murmurs, brushing his lips against Dan’s jaw. “It’s just another day. We already know the twins, and we’ve met Levi. They’ll be fine. Yeah? It’s big, but it’s okay. We’ve got this.”

Dan closes his eyes, leans closer to Phil. “You’re right. Stop being so right.”

Phil smirks, stepping away. “That’s just how I am, took you long enough to figure it out, though.”

“Shut up,” Dan mumbles playfully.

They bant as they finish getting ready, taking the edge off their anxiety. When Dan’s sat on the bed pulling a pair of socks over his feet, the twins appear at the door, ready to go.

“Can we go now?” Amelia asks, ever the impatient one.

“Give Dan a minute to get his shoes on, love,” Phil says from near the closet, where he’s pulling out jackets for himself and Dan. “Did you guys brush your hair and teeth?” He asks, his voice patient.

The twins hum an affirmative as they wait for Dan to pull his shoes on. He feels a little awkward with all of them watching him, and glances around at their faces self-consciously. “Can I help you guys?” He laughs.

“Hurry up, slowpoke. We don’t have all day,” Phil teases, reaching out and ruffling his hair.

Dan sticks his tongue out at him before glancing at the twins. “Do you see the bullying I have to tolerate?”

Amelia giggles, and Jaiden grins. “He’s right, c’mon, c’mon!” Jaiden cheers, bouncing a little. Dan idly wonders if he’s always been this hyper and they just hadn’t noticed. He makes a mental note to talk to Phil about it later.

As soon as his shoes are on, he herds them out of the room and down the hall, jumping a little when something soft is draped over his shoulder. “Your coat,” Phil says in explanation. “It’s cold outside, remember?”

“Right, yeah. Thanks.” Dan shoves his arms in the sleeves, watching as the twins do the same with their own coats. “Alright. Let’s go.”

~~~

The drive over is full of mindless chatter, and Dan finds himself holding Phil’s hand over the console again as he drives. It feels like such second nature to hold his hand, to get that comfort from someone he cares about so deeply. Phil strokes his thumb over Dan’s gently the whole ride, gazing out the window as he chats with the kids. It’s copacetic.

“We’re here,” Dan announces as soon as he’s pulled up in the drive and turned the car off. He stares at the house for a moment, worrying his lip until he hears a throat being cleared beside him. He glances at Phil, who quirks a brow. “Sorry,” He laughs, releasing his bottom lip. Turning to the children, he says, “I know you guys already know this, but Levi might be feeling a little overwhelmed, so go easy on him, okay?”

They nod, and Amelia is already sitting with her hand hovering over the door handle. Dan smiles at this before turning to Phil. The older man nods, smiling back. “C’mon kids, let’s go get your brother.”

They wait patiently at the door after knocking, each of them holding one of the twins’ hands as they wait. When the door opens to reveal Sophie, Dan smiles. “Hello, everyone! It’s great to see you guys again.” She shakes hands with Phil, then Dan, before crouching to look at the twins. “Are you two excited to have your brother coming home with you today?”

“Yes!” Jaiden answers immediately, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Where is he?”

Sophie smiles sweetly. “He’s gathering up his things, I think. Come in, come in, you can wait in the lounge for him.”

Phil leads the way with Amelia, stepping through and following Sophie to the lounge just off to the right of the entry. Dan allows Jaiden to pull him along, laughing quietly to himself at how excited he is. The twins spot a bean bag chair as soon as they step into the lounge, both of them making a run for it at the same time. “Hey, no running, kids. Not our house, remember?” Dan chastises gently as he goes to sit beside Phil on the sofa. He sits a little closer than strictly necessary, but if Phil is bothered he doesn’t show it, only dropping his hand to Dan’s knee casually.

The twins decide to share the bean bag chair, and Sophie laughs. “That’s everyone’s favorite chair,” she informs them with a nod. “It’s quite popular.”

“I always wanted one, but my parents never let me have one,” Phil says, glancing at the neon fabric wistfully.

“Nuh-uh,” Dan says, clicking his tongue. “Nope, we aren’t getting one.”

“Dan,” Phil whines playfully.

“No, you’re too messy! You’d probably spill popcorn butter all over it.”

“So? The house would just smell like a movie theatre,” Phil bargains, fluttering his eyelashes at him as if that will make Dan cave.

Dan crinkles his nose at this, much to Sophie’s amusement. “Nope, absolutely not. That’s disgusting.”

Phil sighs, but offers the twins a sad shrug. “I tried, guys. He didn’t fall for it.”

Amelia sighs too, settling back into the chair, elbowing her brother in the process. Dan quirks a brow at her for this, and she mumbles a quick, “Sorry, Jai,” before smiling timidly at him. Dan smiles back, his attention quickly being drawn away when Sophie starts speaking, settling in the armchair across from the sofa.

“So, Levi is cleared to live with you long term, as the twins are, until their case either proceeds and they get moved, or until… Well…” She shrugs, a sad smile on her face. Dan’s stomach twists sharply at this. He knows what she’s implying. That someday they might have to go back to their biological parents, who Dan doesn’t actually know, but already dislikes. He knows enough to know that they were not the parents these children deserved, and that’s enough to have a protest dripping from his tongue.

Phil stalls that compulsion with a warning squeeze to his knee. A quick glance at him makes Dan realize that perhaps that’s just his way of stealing a moment of comfort himself. His face is twisted up with clear dread, and a hot thing settles in his chest that they share in this so deeply that the idea of losing them hurts to the core. “Right,” Phil finally chokes out.

Dan gently takes his hand from his knee, intertwining their fingers and squeezing. The death grip he gets in return gives him the energy to speak. “Alright. You mentioned something on the phone the other day, about his court ordered group therapy? Will we bring him back here every week?”

Sophie shakes her head, but she looks relieved for the conversation to move on from something less depressing too. Dan takes a moment to pity her for the job she has, and how difficult it must be to deal with the trauma she has to see in her everyday life. “No, there’s actually a clinic that we reserve a room in every week for this. I’ll email you the address on Monday, but they’ll meet there every Saturday at one.”

Dan nods in acknowledgement. “Alright. And…” he glances at the twins, weary of asking this next question. “Visitation?” He says quietly.

Sophie cringes, just barely, but shakes her head. “Denied, as of now. No contact with any of the family.” She sounds sad, but Dan almost feels relieved. He had no idea how he would handle the idea of sharing these children with the people who hurt them, in whatever capacity that happened.

“Okay,” Dan lets out a breath. “And-“ he’s interrupted by a sound on the stairs across the hall. They all glance up and see Levi coming down the stairs, a duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. Dan frowns when he sees how empty it seems.

“Hi,” Levi says, a little timid as he stops at the edge of the lounge.

Dan glances at the twins, who have jumped up from their seat, but are now hovering uncertainly, their gazes darting between their brother and their foster parents. Dan nods, smiling as he gestures to Levi. “Go ahead,” He laughs, rolling his eyes playfully as they rush towards him in excitement.

Levi laughs, dropping his bag to his feet and crouching as the children throw their arms around him in a hug. “Hi, guys,” he says affectionately. He kisses each of them on the head, and Dan feels his eyes misting. He’s become so attached to the twins over the last few months, seeing someone else who loves them so much warms his heart in the strangest way. “I missed you guys.”

“You’re going to come live with us!” Jaiden informs him, as if maybe he didn’t already know. Dan can’t help but snort at this.

“I know, buddy. Are you two okay with that?” He sounds worried at what their answer might be.

“Well, duh,” Jaiden says, no doubt rolling his eyes.

Amelia pulls away to stare at him. “We could really use a big brother again,” She says softly.

Dan has to look away when he sees the way Levi’s eyes fill with moisture, and he knows this is a moment for them to share alone. He catches Phil’s gaze as he does this, and he can tell that the older man shares in this opinion. They share a smile before Phil stands, leading Dan to follow.

“All packed up, then?” Phil asks, tucking his hands in his pockets in that truly awkward fashion he has.

Levi clenches his jaw and nods, throwing the strap of his bag back over his shoulder as he stands, allowing each of the twins to take one of his hands. “Yeah, this is…” he shrugs, the bag jostling at his side. “This is it.”

Dan’s heart clenches, and he and Phil share a look. “Alright.” He glances uncertainly at Sophie, who, bless her, takes over for this bit.

“Have you said goodbye to everyone, Levi?” She asks kindly.

The teenager bristles a little at this. “I guess. Not really anyone to say bye to when you live with a dozen strangers.”

At this, Dan feels his hand being gripped, a firm squeeze to his palm from his best friend. He sends a squeeze back, lifting his other hand up to stroke Phil’s forearm gently in a comforting motion. It’s hard to hear something like that, especially if this is a child who is about to become part of your family, and Dan almost can’t stand it. He spares a selfish moment to feel anger and hatred for the people who did this to them, but it doesn’t settle the feeling in his stomach.

If Sophie is phased at all by this admission, she doesn’t show it. “Right. Well, I’ll see you at the group session next Saturday, yeah?” She speaks slowly and gently, and Levi’s features soften a little. When she holds out her arms, Dan is surprised to see Levi willingly go in for a hug. She murmurs something to him, but the only words Dan can hear is “try” and “good.” He doesn’t know much about their dynamic, but he can tell that Levi trusts Sophie, and if he had to guess, he’d say that wasn’t something easy to earn. He hopes that one day, though, he and Phil can get there.

“Alright,” Levi replies when he pulls away. He offers her a strained smile. “See you Saturday, then.”

Sophie smiles and nods before turning to face Dan and Phil. “You guys are all ready to go. We’ll be in touch for any updates, and of course you have my information if you need to contact me at all.”

“Thank you, Sophie. Really,” Dan says, moving to shake her hand yet again.

Phil does the same, smiling at her. “We appreciate all your help.”

“Of course,” She says, grinning.

“Ready to go, everyone?” Dan asks then, rattling his keys in his hand as he waits for the children’s response.

“I guess so,” Levi answers, glancing at his siblings, who nod.

Dan leads the way to the car after another goodbye to Sophie, and they all pile into the car, the twins already chattering away. Dan can’t help but roll his eyes as he starts the car, but he glances over at Phil and shares a smile with him. “Alright, seat belts, kiddos. And Phil.”

Phil tuts at him, already clicking the band into place. “Already ahead of you, mate.”

“Proud of you, truly,” Dan says sarcastically. They sit with the car idling until he’s heard the three seat belts in the back being buckled. Then, glancing over at Phil once more, he clears his throat, meeting Levi’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Levi, I thought we might go out to some shops today, pick you up a few things. Is that alright with you?”

Levi’s face flickers between excitement, doubt, and wariness, before finally settling on something more neutral. “That’s cool, yeah.”

“Great!” Dan says, relieved that it was a positive answer. “How’s Topman sound?”

Levi looks a little uncertain. “Er, bit expensive, innit?” He asks, cringing as soon as the words are out.

Phil turns around to glance at Levi. “Don’t worry about that. Not with us, at least.” He sounds firm, as if he is very determined that Levi know they can afford to splurge on some new clothes for him. Dan knows this is exactly the case, and it makes his heart warm.

“Phil’s a producer at the BBC, I wouldn’t worry too much about the money,” Dan says, his voice a little teasing.

Rolling his eyes, Phil turns back around, a pout on his lips. “It’s like you only keep me around for my money,” he mumbles, clearly kidding.

“Well I don’t keep you around for your cooking and cleaning skills,” Dan teases right back.

The twins giggle in the back, but Amelia comes to the rescue. “Dad made good pancakes this morning!” She protests.

Dan doesn’t miss the way Levi flinches at that word, the way his gaze sharpens when he looks at her. He makes a mental note to speak to him about it later. He can’t imagine how weird it must be to hear your siblings call someone else by a name reserved for their biological parents. Still, he squirms at the idea that he might prefer that they go back to calling them their real names. It would be understandable, but Dan can already feel the loss in his chest.

“Dan? Alright?” Phil’s voice breaks Dan out of his thoughts, and he nods.

“Yeah, yeah. Topman?” he asks, glancing back to the backseat for confirmation.

Levi nods, accompanying it with a shrug. “Guess so,” he says.

“Great. Topman it is, then.”

~~~

The shopping trip is a huge success, and by the time they’ve headed home, Levi has several new outfits, a new pair of shoes, and a coat. He seems embarrassed, but obviously relieved. The twins seem to make him feel more at ease, mentioning their own rather extravagant shopping trip after coming to live with Dan and Phil. Dan smiles and laughs along with them, keeping an eye on Levi to try and gauge how he’s feeling about everything. He seems fine, if not a little awkward, but that’s understandable after the day he’s had and being with people who are still basically strangers at this point.

As soon as they’ve stepped into the flat, the twins are begging to give Levi the tour. “Can we please show him the flat? Please?” Amelia begs, tugging on Dan’s shirt with wide eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead, then. We’re right behind you.” Dan shrugs his coat off, hanging it on the coat rack next to the door, kicking his shoes off next. Phil does the same, leaning down to straighten up the twins’ shoes as he does.

“Do I take my shoes off?” Levi’s voice says quietly from beside them.

Dan glances over at him and offers him a smile. “Sure, you can if you like. We just stack them on the shoe rack usually.”

Levi nods, following his directions and straightening his shoes up on the rack. He seems unsure what to do with the shopping bags he’d insisted on carrying in, so he sets them beside the shoe rack on the floor, and Dan makes a mental note to come back for them when they’ve showed him around. As soon as he’s done, Amelia is tugging him away, pulling on his arm and whining for him to hurry up so they can show him his room.

“Mia, slow down, yeah? He just got here, give him a minute,” Phil reminds her gently, his hand coming to rest on Dan’s back, the pressure guiding Dan to follow after the kids.

Amelia leads the tour, pointing out she and Jaiden’s bedroom, then Dan and Phil’s room, before gesturing to the bathroom halfheartedly and dragging Levi into the downstairs lounge. “This is where we have family meetings, and that’s Daddy’s office.”

“He’s not-“ Levi starts. He stops, glances at Dan, and takes a deep breath. “Cool, Mia,” he says finally. Dan can tell he’s on edge, and that hearing his sister say that makes him uncomfortable, and it makes Dan’s stomach twist with nerves.

Seemingly oblivious to this, Amelia takes him into the kitchen, showing him the door to the patio where they like to feed the pigeons. Jaiden is invested now, talking Levi through the pigeon feeding, and explaining, very seriously, how important it is to leave out enough seed because of the rather chunky pigeon that sometimes likes to stop by and snarf down the whole batch. Levi doesn’t seem to find this nearly as interesting as Jaiden does, but he is patient as he listens to his story. That makes Dan smile.

“How about we show him upstairs now, yeah?” Dan eventually says, nodding to the stairs.

“Yeah! Your room’s upstairs. It’s really cool,” Amelia informs her older brother, taking his arm and dragging him towards the stairs.

Dan wants to chastise her but knows it’s really no use. Instead, he follows after her with Phil, watching as Jaiden silently takes Levi’s available hand, still wanting to be a part of their conversation. It makes Dan’s heart warm when Levi glances down at his brother, a smile on his lips. He doesn’t know exactly how well their family will adjust to another child, but he hopes, so much, that Levi brings Jaiden out of his shell a little, and that they get to see more of Levi’s personality as well.

“Here’s the lounge that we actually use,” Amelia is saying. Dan hears Phil snort under his breath.

“Nice,” Levi says, his eyes sweeping the room slowly. “Lots of board games,” he notes, his eyes flickering between Dan and Phil and the shelf in the corner.

“Phil’s a big board game fan, yeah,” Dan says truthfully, rolling his eyes. “You guys are welcome to play with any of them whenever you want, same as the PS4 or the Xbox.”

Levi’s eyes widen a little, and he looks a little uncertain, but slowly nods.

“Alright, let’s show him his room, kids,” Phil says, the excitement in his voice very poorly concealed.

Amelia nods excitedly, obviously just as ready to show him his room as Dan and Phil are. They’d decided to order a full-size bed as soon as they’d realized there was a chance he might be moving in, and had it delivered while the twins were at school one day. They were none the wiser until this morning, when Dan had let them go see the bedroom, since Jaiden was very concerned about where Levi would be sleeping.

Other than ordering the bed, They had left the dresser and nightstand that had been there previously in the room, and were planning on asking him if he wanted a desk too. Dan was honestly just as excited as they were about it. He was hoping Levi would like it, and hopefully he’d be excited about decorating it to make it feel more like a safe space.

“Here we are!” Amelia announces as she flings the door open dramatically.

Levi hovers awkwardly in the door at first, his eyes sweeping across the room quickly. Then, as if he’s not sure he’s seen it correctly, he does a double take, squinting this time. Dan waits, holding his breath, for Levi’s reaction.

“Oh, shi-” Levi’s eyes widen as his gaze swings to his siblings, still very much present. “Cool.” He clears his throat. “So, this is my room?” 

Dan stares at him. He’s not really surprised when he feels Phil’s hand grip his and squeeze tightly. “Yep,” Dan says eventually. He clears his throat, and then, “All yours. There’s not a whole lot of space to move things around, but if you want to set it up differently or anything, you can, we’ll help you move stuff.”

Levi nods slowly. “Okay. Thanks.” He moves into the room, dropping his duffle bag onto the plain grey sheets, his gaze still sweeping the room, as if he’s afraid he’s missing something.

“We’ll bring up the other bags and let you get settled, then,” Dan says after a few moments. He figured Levi could use the time and space to process, and honestly, so could they.

Levi just nods, and so Dan turns around at the doorway, dropping Phil’s hand and bringing a hand up to his back to guide him out of the room, in much the same way Phil did to him earlier. “C’mon, kids, give Levi a little while to settle in.”

“M’kay,” Amelia says.

Jaiden sighs but follows them out of the room. Dan half-expects Levi to protest this, but he’s sort of relieved when he doesn’t. “Can we watch a movie?” Jaiden asks as they walk down the hall towards the lounge.

“Sure,” Dan says, shrugging. “Go ahead and pick something out. Phil and I are going to go make some dinner.”

“Can we have spaghetti?” Amelia requests from where she’s already flopped herself onto the couch.

“Yes ma’am, we can,” Phil says, finally seeming like he’s at himself after his brief bout of silence.

“Does Levi like spaghetti?” Dan asks, just to make sure.

“I think so,” Jaiden answers. “Everyone likes spaghetti.” He sounds like he thinks this is perfectly obvious.

“Right,” Dan says with a laugh. “We’ll be downstairs if you need us, okay?”

The twins mumble their acknowledgement but they’re already busy surfing Netflix for something to watch so Dan knows it’s rather pointless to try and get their attention now. He and Phi make their way downstairs in silence, and as soon as they’ve reached the bottom, Dan turns to where Levi had left his bags. “I’ll take these upstairs and be right back,” he says, glancing over at Phil. “Are you okay?”

Phil shrugs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I will be,” he mumbles. “I just…” He lets out a staggered breath, not meeting Dan’s eyes.

Abandoning his task, Dan turns to face him completely, reaching out to tug him forward by his shirt. “C’mere,” he whispers. Phil goes willingly into his arms, and Dan presses a kiss to the side of his face. “I know. That was… that was tough.”

“I’m so scared that we can’t do this, Dan. He’s a teenager, and he- he might not even like us!” Phil whispers harshly, his voice cracking.

“Don’t think like that,” Dan murmurs, brushing his lips across his jaw. “It’ll be fine. We… We did this before, with Amelia and Jaiden. And now, I mean… They’re our family. This is still our family, we’ve just got a new family member.”

“Yeah,” Phil mumbles into Dan’s shoulder.

After a few minutes of their embrace, Dan sighs, pulling away. “C’mon. Go see if you can find all the stuff for spaghetti while I take this upstairs, and I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Phil agrees reluctantly.

Dan smiles at him before grabbing the bags and heading upstairs, Phil already headed into the kitchen. The twins are engrossed in their movie when Dan walks through, and his lips twitch involuntarily with a smile. When he reaches Levi’s still open door, he pauses. “I brought your things up,” He says quietly, as to not startle him. He’s sat on the edge of his bed, looking out the window at the city below. Dan hopes he doesn’t hate how high up they are, being in the penthouse and everything.

“Thanks,” Levi says mildly. He doesn’t look away from the window.

“No problem,” Dan says, setting them on the edge of the bed near his duffle bag. Stepping away again, he hesitates, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet nervously. “We were thinking of having spaghetti tonight, if you’re alright with that?” He asks.

Levi glances over at him, nodding sharply once. “Yeah.”

“Alright, good. Er, we’ll let you know when it’s time for dinner.”

“Okay,” Levi says quietly, back to staring out the window.

Dan nods before leaving the room, hesitating before pulling the door almost shut behind him to give Levi a little bit of privacy. After letting the twins know that he was about to go downstairs and start dinner, he heads downstairs to find Phil in the kitchen, staring at a pot of boiling water.

“Surprised that’s boiling with how hard you’re staring at it,” Dan says affectionately, wrapping an arm around him and settling his head on his shoulder.

Phil snorts once without humor. “Hilarious,” He mutters.

Dan nuzzles his shoulder, unable to help himself. He needs the moment of comfort probably just as much as Phil does after the day they’ve had. “How are you feeling? Really?” Dan asks, staring at the water too.

“I’m just… I don’t know. Tired. Weary. Nervous.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, sighing. “I think that’s all very normal to feel right now.”

“I guess,” Phil says, shrugging. Dan’s not sure if that means he wants him to move or not, so he does it anyway, lifting his head and stepping towards the counter to grab the pasta. “Hey,” Phil says quietly.

“Hm?” Dan murmurs.

When Phil doesn’t immediately answer, Dan turns to face him, quirking a brow. He’s surprised when Phil leans in, kissing his cheek, just over his dimple, sweetly. “I know me freaking out isn’t making it any easier on you, and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Dan mumbles, a little warm at the feeling of Phil’s lips brushing against his cheek as he speaks. “We’re both a little shaken up right now, we’ll calm down once everyone gets more adjusted, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil sighs before leaning away. “Hand me a spoon? I’ll start the sauce.”

~~~

Dinner is a whole affair in the Howell-Lester household for the evening, as the twins are loud and excited, talking over each other in an effort to include Levi in their conversations. Phil sits at the end of the table with Dan to his right, exchanging soft looks and rolled eyes when the twins go off on a particularly dramatic tale about a recent trip to the park. Levi sits beside Dan, his posture a little rigid as he picks at his food, clearly trying to appear interested in the conversation but very obviously on edge.

As the twins near the end of their meals, they begin demanding dessert. “Finish your plates and we’ll talk about dessert, missy,” Dan chastises Amelia gently.

She sighs dramatically, flopping against her chair and gazing at her plate mournfully. “I don’t have any more room for spaghetti,” she announces, a hand over her belly.

Levi shifts in his chair awkwardly, glancing between Dan and Phil with a nervous look on his face. “Mia,” he hisses quietly.

Dan only smiles at the little girl, pretty sure he can predict what’s coming next. “Right. No room for dessert either then, I guess?” he says teasingly.

Amelia widens her eyes, shaking her head adamantly. “No, I just ran out of room in my spaghetti box,” she points to her tummy.

Phil snorts. “Oh yeah?” He asks, hiding a smile.

She nods seriously, and Jaiden nods along with her. “Yeah, I think I ran out of room in my spaghetti box too.”

Dan shares a disbelieving look with Phil. “Do elaborate, please.”

Levi looks increasingly more uncomfortable and confused, which is probably fair given he isn’t used to the nature of their dinner table conversations.

Amelia sits up then, making an oval with her little hands. “I have a box for real food and a box for dessert in my tummy,” she explains. “My spaghetti box is full, but my dessert box is all empty.” She gives them both an adorable look, puppy eyes and a pouted lip to sell her case.

Dan can hardly hold in his laughter, but he manages it for a few seconds. Sharing a look with Phil has him breaking, though, and they both burst into a little fit of giggles. “Alright, that’s creative, I’ll give you that,” he concedes, standing from the table and moving to the cupboard where they keep snacks and treats. “Your options are cookies or…” he digs through it for a minute, but his eye catches on something else. Tugging the open bag out of the cabinet, he sighs deeply. “Philip.”

“Daniel,” Phil retaliates, laughter in his voice.

Spinning around to face the criminal, Dan holds up the bag of open marshmallows he’d been saving, arching an eyebrow. “Care to explain?”

Phil’s face goes a little pink beneath his cheekbones, and the twins are quick to snicker at him, followed by suspicious, “Ooh” noises. Dan silences them with a flick of his gaze in their direction.

Reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck, Phil shrugs. “Erm… A mouse got into it?”

Dan crosses the kitchen to lay the bag on the table, crossing his arms and looking down at Phil with his lips pressed firmly together. “Really?” He says, his voice flat.

Phil grins sheepishly, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist, pulling him in and nuzzling his cheek against Dan’s chest. “Squeak, squeak,” he jokes timidly.

Sighing, but completely at the mercy of this adorable man, Dan drops a hand to his hair, scratching at his scalp gently. “You’re grounded from sweets for a week,” he informs him. When Phil protests, Dan tugs on his hair gently. “And, you have to make me coffee every morning this week.”

Phil pouts. Dan desperately wants to kiss it off, but he knows they have an audience right now. Belatedly, he startles with the realization that that shouldn’t even be the only thing standing in his way of kissing his platonic best friend. He chooses to ignore that train of thought, tilting his body a bit to face the kids. The twins look amused but happy, while Levi is glancing awkwardly between them and the table. It dawns on Dan that this is likely making him uncomfortable, and Dan slowly steps away. When Phil makes a noise of protest, Dan shoots him a look. Phil must understand because he smiles a little awkwardly before dropping his arms and allowing Dan to move back to the cupboard.

“Can I have the rest of the marshmallows at least?” Phil’s voice comes from the table as Dan hums to himself as he surveys their selection.

Dan snorts. “Absolutely not! No sweets for a week.”

“Dan,” Phil whines.

Shaking his head to himself and tutting, Dan doesn’t even bother looking back at him as he searches through the cabinet.

The table has fallen suspiciously quiet, and Dan doesn’t even consider why as he tugs out a box of chocolate cookies. “Okay so I think tonight we’ll have- Phil Lester!” He screeches upon turning around.

Because there, sat at the table with a guilty smile, is Phil, his hand shoved in the marshmallow bag and his cheeks puffy with what is surely another mouthful of the treats. “Shorry,” he mumbles around his mouthful.

Dan doesn’t have the capacity to be anything other than fond. “I swear to god, Phil, you’re worse than all three of the kids combined when it comes to snack thieving,” he shakes his head in mock disappointment, sharing a look with the twins. When he glances over at Levi, he’s looking down at the table, his lips quirked up into an almost smile. It warms Dan’s heart, the comfort of seeing that little positive reaction spreading out to every inch of his body.

“I swear I won’t do it again,” Phil apologizes.

Snorting, Dan drops the box of cookies on the table, laying a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Come off it, mate. We both know you’re lying through your teeth.”

Phil splutters, sending Amelia and Jaiden into a fit of giggles. “Did you hear him?” He whines to the kids. “He’s bullying me.”

Amelia shrugs. “He told you not to!” She laughs.

Jaiden nods at this. “It was kinda up to you to make the right choice. You just didn’t.”

Dan smirks as he moves back to the kitchen, filling up cups with milk. “They’ve got you there, baby.”

He tries not to think about how he just calls him these names without thinking now.

“Hush, no one asked you,” Phil grumbles playfully.

A soft laugh escapes Dan’s lips, and he glances over at the table and smiles at him before turning back to his task. “Do you want a glass of milk, Levi?”

“Er, yes, please.”

Dan hums his acknowledgement that he’s heard him, pulling out another cup and pouring milk into it as well. “Alright, here you go, kiddos,” he says, carefully carrying three cups back to the table. He sets one in front of each of the kids before grabbing the cookie box, handing each of them two cookies.

“I, um… Thanks,” Levi stutters.

“No problem,” Dan smiles. He gestures to Levi’s plate. “Finished?”

“Oh, I, uh… yeah? Yes.” He looks unsure, but Dan just nods and takes the plate, turning to grab his own too.

“Need some help, love?” Phil calls softly.

Dan glances at him, smiling and shaking his head. “I’ve got it. Just entertain the crowd.”

Phil grins. “Of course.” He turns to the children and claps his hand together. “Who wants to hear about this time that a squirrel bit my crotch in Florida?”

For a moment, Dan thinks Levi’s actually going to choke, as he laughs so suddenly with his mouth full. He seems to catch himself, coughing a little and taking another sip to settle his coughing fit. Glancing up and finding everyone’s gaze on him, he blushes and looks down at the table. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

Dan laughs. “Don’t worry, I had the same exact reaction when Phil called me crying because his crotch was hurting.”

“Hey! It’s my story, let me tell it!” Phil interjects, shooing Dan away.

“Fine, fine. Go on, then.” Dan rolls his eyes but shares a smile with Levi before he does move over to the sink to wash up. Listening to Phil’s animated voice retell a story he’s heard a million times is comforting after the rather eventful day they’ve had, and he finds himself smiling down at the dishes as he listens absently.

By the time Phil has finished the story, the twins are in hysterics, and even Levi is laughing a little, although he ducks his head to try to hide it. That makes Dan squirm. He hopes eventually Levi feels more comfortable here and knows he doesn’t have to hide from them. With a surveying glance around his little family, he feels emotion swelling up in his chest, a mixture of pain and joy and hope, battling each other to find a place at the forefront of his mind.

He’s dragged out of his own melancholy thoughts at the sound of Phil’s voice calling his name. “Earth to Dan?”

“Hm?” Dan inquires, his eyes flicking up to find Phil’s inquisitive ones.

“You okay over there?” His head is tilted, clear concerned masked by a teasing smile.

Dan smiles. “Never better.”

~~~

Earlier they had established that they wanted some time alone with Levi to talk to him about the rules and boundaries of living with them, so after dinner they sent the twins off to get ready for bed and pick out a film, telling them they’d be upstairs to join them soon.

“Am I in trouble already?” Levi asks the minute his siblings are out of earshot.

Dan startles at that, sharing a confused glance with Phil. “Er… No? We just wanted to talk to you about some things before bed is all.”

“You’re not in trouble, Levi,” Phil assures him.

“Okay,” He says slowly. He drops his hands to the table, his left hand tugging at a wristband on his right in an anxious sort of way. “So what’s this about?” he inquires.

Dan moves around to sit on the opposite side of the table, closest to Phil. “Well, we just wanted to talk about the rules and things.” He sees the panic on Levi’s face and laughs in understanding. “I know that sounds bad, but I swear it’s not.”

Levi nods, but doesn’t speak.

Shifting in his seat, Dan glances over at Phil for him to take the lead. They’d agreed that they’d tag-team the conversation, but it might be better for Phil to introduce the rules and let Dan take over if Levi had any sort of negative reaction.

“So, mostly same as those for the twins. We live in an apartment complex, obviously, so we ask that you guys keep the volume reasonable so we don’t get neighbors knocking down our door and demanding we send you to Antarctica.” He smiles when he says it, trying to encourage a laugh in response.

Levi grants him with a twist of his lips, not quite a smile, but close. “I reckon I can manage that,” he agrees.

Phil clears his throat, nodding. “We also want you guys to try and keep up with your homework every night. Dan works at the secondary school you’ll be going to, so if you have any problems with any of your teachers or schoolwork he can help you out,” Phil nods to Dan as he says this, and Dan surveys Levi’s face carefully for a reaction.

He doesn’t surprise Dan when his eyes narrow, his mouth dropping into a tight line. “You work at the school I’ll be going to?” He asks, his voice a little harsh even as he seems to be trying to sound neutral.

Dan shifts in his seat, trying not to glance at Phil for the comfort he so desperately desires right now. “I do, yeah.”

Levi snorts. “What do you teach?”

“Oh, I don’t,” Dan shakes his head, sort of relieved when Levi’s face changes into something less hostile. “I’m the school counselor.”

And he’s back to tensing up again, but he looks away so that Dan really doesn’t have a chance to address it. “Is that all?” he mutters, changing the subject back to the rules.

“Er, well the twins go to bed at eight on a school night, but you can stay up till nine. We’d prefer you were in bed by then, but honestly, we were both night owls at your age, so we understand if you’re not. Just try not to wake your siblings up, if you can help it.”

He nods, scratching a fingernail along the graining of the table. “Okay.”

“That’s pretty much it, I think. You can use anything in the flat that you want to as long as you tell us first. Just keep your room decent and make sure to let us know if you need anything.” Phil glances over at Dan as he finishes talking, looking a little unsure.

“Any questions?” Dan asks kindly, watching Levi closely for a reaction.

“Do I have chores?” He asks after a moment of deliberation.

Dan shares a confused look with Phil. “Er, did you have chores at home?”

Levi nods. “Yeah. And at most of the foster homes or group homes I’ve been to I’ve had them.”

They hadn’t really discussed it, so Dan makes an executive decision upon hearing that. “Well, for now we’ll just let you get settled in, yeah? The twins don’t have chores since they’re so young, but they help gather laundry and things like that, so other than things like that I don’t think we’re going to give you any assigned chores.”

“Will that change?” Levi asks, finally making eye contact.

Dan frowns. “Um…” He glances to Phil, unsure how to answer that.

“I don’t see why it would. We might ask you to help do dishes or things like that every now and then but I’m fairly certain we won’t be assigning chores. As long as you keep your room tidy and pick up after yourself around the flat we can take care of the rest.” He offers a smile, but Levi only nods, looking away again.

“Any other questions?” Dan asks softly.

“When do I start school?” Levi asks, scratching against the wristband again.

Dan offers a sympathetic smile. “Monday, unfortunately. We’ve already gotten you enrolled.”

Levi nods. “I, uh… I don’t really have any school supplies,” he says awkwardly.

“Dan or I will take you to get you some things tomorrow,” Phil tells him. “We probably should’ve done that today, but I completely forgot about it.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Dan says suddenly, having just remembered something. He stands and moves over to the office on the other side of the lounge, grabbing something off the desk and coming back into the kitchen, dropping back into his chair. “Here you go,” he says cheerfully, handing Levi the phone they’d decided to give him.

“Um… What’s this?” Levi asks cautiously, looking down at it with an expression of weariness.

“Well, um, we asked Sophie and she said you didn’t have one. This is one of my old ones, actually, sorry about that,” he quirks his mouth into an apologetic smile. “We went ahead and added it to our phone plan and it has a clean SIM card and everything. Should be good to go.”

Levi stares down at it. “Oh… You didn’t have to…”

“I know,” Phil says quickly. “And really, Levi, it isn’t a big deal. But we wanted to make sure you had a way to contact us, as you’re older than the twins.”

The boy blinks rapidly and Dan feels something building in his throat, his own eyes smarting. He glances away, feeling guilty for watching Levi so closely when he’s clearly feeling emotional. Phil’s gaze meets his own, and Dan reaches a hand out, linking their pinkies. Phil smiles at him softly, squeezing his finger slightly before turning his attention back to Levi.

“Thank you,” Levi eventually mumbles. “Er… Do I need to pay you back? I don’t really-“

“Absolutely not,” Phil says, offended. The hurt on his face is enough to grip at Dan’s heart. “No, Levi, listen,” he shakes his head, huffing out a short laugh. “For now, and the foreseeable future, it’s our job to take care of you, right? We can’t do a great job of that if we don’t have a way to reach you when you need us. So, don’t even think about that. This phone is yours to keep, okay?”

Levi nods slowly. “Okay,” he whispers. “Thank you, again.”

“It’s no problem, Levi,” Dan says with a soft smile. He nods to the phone then, encouraging Levi to pick it up. “We didn’t set it up fully with the new SIM card, but we did add both of our contacts to it, so you’d have them just in case.”

“We also added Sophie’s information as well,” Phil adds.

Surprise colors Levi’s features for a moment as he glances up at them. “Oh. Thanks. Um… I appreciate it.”

Dan shrugs. “Like we said, it’s not a big deal. The twins don’t have phones but they each have an iPad that they can use to contact us if they need to.”

Levi smiles at this. “Cool.”

“Do you have any more questions to ask? Or just anything you want us to know?”

He seems to consider it for a few minutes, but eventually he shrugs. “Nothing I can think of, I guess.”

“Alrighty. Well we’re going to head upstairs to watch a movie with the twins, and you’re more than welcome to join us if you want to. If you don’t, that’s fine too.” Dan stands from the table, lacing his fingers through Phil’s and gently tugging on his hand to prompt him to follow.

“What’re we watching?” Levi asks, standing as well. He seems hesitant, but he pockets the phone carefully.

“If I was a betting man, I’d put my money on The Little Mermaid or The Incredibles,” Phil says with a roll of his eyes, more comfortable joking now that the serious atmosphere has begun to evaporate.

Dan laughs. “C’mon, now, it’s not Mia’s fault that she has a preference.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Phil says, holding the hand not held in Dan’s up defensively. “We never have to wonder long about what we’re going to watch to keep us entertained, that’s for sure,” he grins.

Levi laughs quietly at that. “Ariel was always her favorite princess. I think she always wished she had sisters instead of brothers,” he jokes. His mouth twists after he’s said it, his eyes trailing downwards to stare at the floor.

Dan can’t stand that look on his face, and he shrugs, clearing his throat. “I doubt it, honestly. She loves you and Jai more than anyone in the whole world, I reckon.”

Levi’s cheeks flush, but he does a poor job concealing the grin on his face at that.

Phil tugs Dan’s hand now, nodding to the stairs. “C’mon, I want a cuddle and I’m almost positive I can hear the opening music to The Little Mermaid right now.”

“Alright, alright, go on, then,” Dan rolls his eyes, but follows after him glancing back and smiling to himself when he sees that Levi is indeed following them.

“Wow, Mia, The Little Mermaid? Good choice!” Phil says, feigning surprise as soon as they’ve reached the upstairs lounge. Glancing back at Dan with a smug look, he mutters, “I bet you’re glad we didn’t put money on this, Howell.”

Dan rolls his eyes, shoving him gently towards the sofa. “Wouldn’t have mattered even if we did, bub.” At Phil’s questioning gaze, Dan smirks. “Shared bank account?” He sing-songs.

Phil opens his mouth to retaliate, but stops, closing his mouth with a huff and an exasperated smile. “Fair play.”

Sticking his tongue out like a child, Dan flops onto the sofa, tugging his fluffy sad pimp blanket from the other end and throwing it over his legs. He holds his arms out, gesturing for Phil to join him. “C’mon, I don’t have all night.”

“You quite literally do, but sure,” Phil rolls his eyes, settling in close to Dan’s side. He shifts to lean against Dan, who wraps an arm around his shoulders, tucking the tips of his fingers under the collar of Phil’s shirt and petting the fabric.

Levi hovers near the stairs, clearly unsure where to go from here. The twins are sat on the smaller sofa, but as soon as Amelia realizes that Levi is there, she hops up, practically running to him to grab his hand and drag him over to sit down. “C’mon, c’mon, you’ll miss the movie!” She says excitedly.

He laughs a little as she makes him settle onto the sofa, glancing over at Dan and Phil with an awkward look on his face. “I’m going, I’m going.”

“Can I start it now?” Amelia asks, her voice whiny with impatience.

“Go for it, doll,” Dan says, nodding.

She clicks the remote for a minute until it finally works, the menu screen fading into the opening credits.

“How are you feeling, bear?” Phil whispers to Dan, tilting his head ever so slightly so the kids can’t hear.

Dan smiles warmly at him. “Really good, actually. What about you?”

Phil grins. “So good. It’s…” He glances over at the kids, lowering his voice a little. “It feels a little more like home, now.”

There’s a knot in Dan’s throat, and he smiles tightly around the emotion pooling in his eyes. “You’re right,” he agrees quietly. He closes his eyes, resting his head against Phil’s. He feels so overwhelmed with affection right now, and it’s thrashing at the walls of his throat, begging to be vocalized. He exhales deeply, tilting his head enough to press a kiss to Phil’s shoulder.

There’s a hum, and Phil shifts, leaning over and kissing Dan’s jaw.

It’s not quite what Dan wanted right now, but it’s enough.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil settle into a new normal with their family of five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! now you must be thinking to yourself, is it Friday already? Not quite (at least it's not where I'm at) but I'm updating a little early as a treat to all of you (totally has nothing to do with my new job having me working 40+ hours a week and very little time to myself lol)  
> enjoy the chapter!

Monday morning is a little hectic in the sense that having three kids to coordinate is a little harder than just the two, but Dan stays thankful that Levi is old enough to pretty much take care of himself. Still, it does stress him out just a little trying to make sure everyone has a lunch and their backpacks sorted. Phil helps to calm him down a bit, assuring him over and over again that he’s checked and double checked that everyone has their lunch packed and their backpacks adequately stocked.

By the time breakfast is over and they’re heading out the door Dan has calmed down significantly. The twins hug Phil goodbye, and Dan accepts the kiss on his cheek with a soft smile, grateful for the attention and affection. Levi stands awkwardly by the door but otherwise doesn’t react. Not that Dan expected him to, since Levi hadn’t seemed outwardly bothered by any displays of affection between the two of them, but still. He can’t help but be nervous that it might make him uncomfortable. And, a smaller, almost buried part of him, worries that not only would it bother Levi, but that he might one day have some sort of homophobic outburst.

“Bye, drive save, see you when you get home,” Phil murmurs into Dan’s ear before releasing him. “Bye, kiddos, learn something new today!” Phil calls to where the twins are already on their way down the corridor.

Dan rolls his eyes at the twins’ never-ending excitement for a new day. “I swear,” he mutters. He turns to smile at Phil, kissing his cheek fleetingly. “Bye, love.”

Levi waits until Dan’s out the door before he starts walking, falling into step beside him. He’s quiet, but Dan can feel the anxiety rolling off him in waves.

“Excited about the first day?” Dan asks, his tone joking.

Levi’s gaze darts up to meet Dan’s. He glances back at the floor and shrugs. “Not exactly.”

Dan nods in understanding. “I don’t blame you. Secondary school is shit.” He winces when he realizes what he’s said. “Don’t tell Phil I said that.”

That makes Levi smile, just a little. “Sure.”

“Amelia, quit tugging on the door, it’s not gonna unlock any faster with you ripping the handle off.” She obediently releases it, staring at him with big brown eyes as she waits for him to press the button on his key fob. He clicks it, gesturing to the door. “Alright, go ahead.”

The twins scramble into the backseat while Levi awkwardly hovers near the passenger door. Dan understands his discomfort. “You can sit up front,” he says with a smile.

Levi looks almost relieved as he tugs open the door, settling into the seat with his backpack at his feet. “Usually have to sit in the back everywhere I go. They act like I’m gonna pull a knife or something,” he sighs. He sounds so defeated, so miserable, and it just tugs painfully on Dan’s heart.

In an effort to lighten the mood, Dan shrugs. “I figure if you were going to stab me you’d have already done it at this point so I’m not too worried about that.” He grins when Levi snorts out a laugh.

“True enough, I guess.” He turns his gaze to the window, falling silent as he watches the scenery passing by his window. There’s not much to see on such a dreary London day, but Dan leaves him to it, humming to himself and occasionally trading conversation with the twins.

“This is where the twins go to school,” Dan informs Levi as they pull into the parking lot. Dan unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches for the door handle, glancing over at the teenager. “I usually walk them to the door, but you can stay here if you want.”

Levi seems to consider it but ultimately nods. “I’ll just wait here,” he says quietly. He turns around to see the kids, smiling broadly at them. “I’ll see you guys later, yeah? Have a good day at school.”

“Bye, Levi!” Amelia calls, already hopping out of the car.

Jaiden has the decency to meet Levi’s eyes at least, grinning back at him before departing. “Bye!”

“Love you guys!” Levi calls after them, an almost hurt look in his eyes.

The twins echo the sentiment as they allow Dan to help them put their backpacks on, chattering excitedly. He half-listens, feeling a little more than awkward knowing Levi is watching and probably annoyed that his siblings aren’t still wrapped up in him as they were the day before.

Dan takes ahold of each of their hands and walks them to the door quickly. Before he releases them, he crouches down, smiling warmly as they both throw their arms around him in a hug. “Bye, loves. Have a good day today and behave. I love you.”

Amelia squeezes a little more at that. “Love you too, Daddy,” she replies before pulling out of his grip. “Can I go now? Darcy’s waiting for me over there,” She points to the building, where Darcy is in fact waiting with Esme, who’s giving Dan a flirtatious smile.

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” Dan nods, waving half-heartedly at Esme. He turns to Jaiden. “Alright, bug?”

Jaiden nods before gesturing to the car. “Levi is coming home with us after school, right?”

Dan laughs, but nods. “Yes, sir, he sure is. Now, go ahead, before you’re late.”

The little boy smiles, looking so much like his older brother that it nearly knocks Dan down. “Love you!” he calls as he races off towards the door.

“Love you too, bub. Have a good day!” Dan calls back. He waits until he’s reached Esme and they’ve turned in the direction of the classrooms before he turns himself around and heads back to the car.

Levi is waiting, staring out the window with a vaguely surprised look on his face. Dan fastens his seatbelt again, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot carefully before sending a worried glance Levi’s way. “Everything alright, bud?” He asks gently, the term of endearment slipping out without permission. He wishes he could put it back in his mouth.

The boy nods slowly. “You really care for them, huh?” He says, surprising Dan.

Dan glances over at him, a bit unsure how to respond. He decides honesty is enough. “I do, yeah. Phil and I both do, so much.” It’s hard to deny the unwavering fondness in his voice, and he hopes that he doesn’t come across as sounding quite so pathetic.

“I… I’m glad that they got you guys. Instead of someone else.” Levi’s voice is quiet and bordering on embarrassed, and Dan’s heart clenches at the sound of it.

“Well… I think we were the lucky ones, there.” Dan clears his throat as he pulls into his designated parking spot. “Anyway, here we are.”

Levi stares up at the building. “It’s…” He glances over at Dan. “Bit posh, innit?”

Dan laughs aloud and obnoxiously. “A bit, yeah.” He smiles. “It took me a bit of getting used to as well when I first started.” He opens his door and climbs out, reaching into the back seat for his bag he’d thrown there carelessly earlier.

The teen shakes his head before slowly following after Dan, gathering up his backpack and moving to stand in front of the car. “It looks expensive,” Levi observes, frowning.

A snort leaves Dan without his permission, but Levi is barely even looking at him, so entranced in taking in the school he’d be going to from now on. “Oh, it is,” Dan jokes. It’s not really a joke at all, because the school is expensive, in general.

Levi gives him an incredulous look. “What does Phil do again?”

Dan smirks, locking the car with the key fob as he comes to a stop in front of Levi. “BBC producer.”

“Right,” Levi says, sounding faint. “That explains it.”

Heading towards the door and confident that Levi is following after him, Dan shrugs. “Not really. You all have free tuition,” he says, holding the door to the school open and gesturing for Levi to enter. He does, but with a sharp, surprised look thrown Dan’s way. “Staff privileges, and all that,” Dan says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Right,” Levi echoes his earlier words.

Dan leads the way down the halls, headed for his office. “I did give you your schedule yesterday, right?”

“Yeah,” Levi replies, a bit belatedly. It was still early enough that not a lot of people were here yet, but there were plenty of students milling about, and those students were quickly realizing that this was a new kid. Dan tried his hardest not to make eye contact with these kids; he didn’t know if it was better or worse to be known as the kid of a faculty member, and that wouldn’t be a decision he made for Levi.

Nodding to himself, Dan rattles his keys a bit as they get to the door to his office, finally finding the stupid thing and letting them inside. “I told Louise I could give you the tour like I usually do with the other students, but if that would embarrass you she’s agreed to take over instead.”

Something about this must rub Levi the wrong way, and he sends Dan a sharp look, his gaze hardened. “Why would I be embarrassed?” He says bitingly.

Dan shrugs, ignoring the attitude. “I don’t know. Is it still lame to be known as a teacher’s kid or something?”

“I’m not your kid,” Levi snaps. He almost looks ashamed as soon as he’s said it, but rather than apologize, he snaps his mouth shut, staring down at the ground.

A rough kind of emotion, one that burns at his throat in the worst kind of way, courses through Dan’s veins. He clears his throat once, twice, before speaking. “Right. I know that. I just mean…” He sighs. “Assuming students do realize that you live with me, I don’t know how embarrassing that would be for you, considering I work here. If you’d rather they didn’t see you around me, for whatever reason, I’ll have Louise do the tour.” He’s all business now, trying to erase any hint of emotion.

Levi nods slowly. His shoulders slowly deflate, and the fight seems to go out of him. “Okay,” he mumbles.

“So, do you want Louise to do it?”

Levi flinches a little, an almost guilty look on his face as he nods. “Yeah.”

Dan tries to ignore the hurt he feels at that as he nods. “Alright, I’ll walk you to her office.”

“Is she the headmistress?” Levi asks, making Dan realize he hadn’t even explained that bit yet.

“Sorry, yeah, I meant to say that. She is. And one of my closest friends, really. Her daughter Darcy is Amelia’s best friend.”

Levi doesn’t respond as they’ve reached a door and Dan is rapping on it impatiently. “Lou?” He calls.

“Mhm? Come in.” At the invitation Dan cracks the door open, unsurprised to find Louise sat at her desk, tapping on her computer. “Oh, hello, love. Ah, this must be Levi!” She stands from the desk and smiles broadly at him. “My god, Jaiden really does favor you,” she says, sounding surprised as she shares a look with Dan.

Dan only rolls his eyes. “Obviously, he does. They happen to be related, you know.”

Louise hushes him. “Shut it, Howell,” she says playfully. “Right, well, I’m Ms. Pentland, then. Are we ready for a tour, dear?” Dan loves that without even asking, she knows, somehow, that Levi would be more comfortable with that. Or perhaps she’d just deduced that it’s the only possible reason Dan could have to bring him into her office this early. Either way, he loves her to bits for it.

“Er, yeah. Yes, ma’am,” Levi stammers out.

“What a polite boy you are! Well, c’mon then, we’d better hurry before classes start. I’d hate to walk you into a class that’s already started.” She begins to lead the way out of the office, but Levi sends a panicked look Dan’s way. Something about the fact that Dan’s the only familiar person here is likely the only reason he turns to him, but Dan still offers him an encouraging smile.

“Go ahead. Louise is great, I promise. I’ll just be in my office if you need me at all today, yeah?” He tries to sound less panicked and more reassuring, but truthfully he’s just as nervous for Levi’s first day here.

“Okay,” Levi nods. He takes a step out of the office before pausing. “Erm, after school do I just…”

Dan smiles. “You can come by my office or if I’m not there you can just come straight to the car. I’ll wait on you, promise.”

Levi nods, reassured. “Alright. Bye, Dan.”

“Bye,” Dan calls after him, waiting until they’d gone to head in the opposite direction to his own office. He hopes, more than anything, that Levi has an easy day today. He prays it’s not a wasted hope.

~~~

Dan spends nearly the entire day worrying himself to death about how Levi’s first day is going to go. He spends the morning getting almost no work done, just stressing about how Levi is doing, and by lunch time he feels nearly manic. He opens the lunch that Phil had packed for him, looking forward to a cute little post-it note. It’s silly how quickly he’d grown attached to the little doodles, honestly.

Today he’s faced with a surprise when he doesn’t see a cute drawing, but rather a short paragraph. Confused, he squints down at it as he reads.

**_Dan- I know you’re nervous about Levi’s first day of school and you’re probably on the verge of freaking out but you should know you’re doing your very best and we all appreciate you so much. Especially me. <3  
Ps I know you’re just in this for the bad doodles you can mock me for, so flip this over_ **

Dan’s eyes are misting as he flips it over, laughing aloud when he sees today’s drawing. It’s a poorly drawn fish, but clearly Phil spent some time on it, as it’s actually colored in. Above it, in a speech bubble, is the words, “Just keep swimming!!” The smile on Dan’s face is almost painful, and he can feel himself fully crying now.

Pulling out his phone, he takes a quick picture of the note, just the doodle, the note on the other side felt far too personal. He sends it to Louise with a smiling face emoji before tapping over to his conversation with Phil.

**_Dan: glub glub_ **

He sets his phone down on his desk and actually begins eating as he waits for a response, clicking on his desktop over to the Spotify tab so he can listen to some music while he eats. He’s just started up one of his favorite playlists when he hears his phone beep. Smiling already, he picks it up, grinning down at the reply there.

**_Phil: glub glub glub!!_ **

**_Phil: Did you like it?_ **

**_Dan: I always do_ **

**_Phil: :’)_ **

**_Dan: <3 <3_ **

**_Dan: I liked the note on the other side, too_ **

**_Phil: :)_ **

**_Phil: Good, I meant it._ **

**_Dan: sap_ **

**_Phil: You have no proof of that_ **

**_Dan: oh but don’t I_ **

**_Phil: Whatever Howell you love me_ **

Dan’s heart races at those words. He feels ridiculous for even pretending he doesn’t know why. Still, he can’t formulate a serious response to those words.

**_Dan: eh_ **

It takes a little longer this time, but Phil sends back a fish emoji and two heart emojis, a black one and a blue one. Dan pretends he doesn’t see the symbolism there as he sends back his own fish emoji, and after hesitating, he taps on a pink heart. Phil would appreciate the sappiness, he was sure.

~~~

“Come in,” Dan calls when he hears a knock on his door. It’s the end of the day, and he’s gathering up his things, humming to himself. He glances up when the door opens, smiling easily when he sees Levi stood there. “Hey, Levi. Sorry, I’m almost finished in here.”

Levi nods, shoving his hands in his pockets and taking a step into the room. He looks a little awkward, and his eyes flit around quickly, almost like he’s contemplating saying something. Dan doesn’t press, deciding to let Levi speak if he wants to. He finishes gathering his things, stuffing his laptop and some files into his bag before grabbing his coat and shrugging it on. “Ready?”

The teen shrugs, then nods. Dan gestures for him to go ahead, turning to lock the door behind them. He’s just turned around and started down the hall when Levi speaks. “I found a note in my lunchbox,” he says carefully. He doesn’t sound particularly annoyed or bothered, just confused, if anything.

“Oh?” Dan says, wondering if Levi will elaborate.

He does, pulling it out of his pocket and handing it over. Dan glances over it, smiling as he reads it to himself. Phil had drawn a koala, and underneath it is the caption “I hope today koala-fies as a good day!”

Dan snorts and hands it back. “That’d be Phil’s primary school sense of humor, I’m afraid.”

Levi still looks confused. “Does he… Is this like a thing he always does?”

They’ve reached the car, so Dan unlocks it and tosses his bag in the backseat. He nods as they climb into the car. “Yeah. Well, I mean,” he gestures around them vaguely. “He started doing it on the twins’ first day of school and they liked it so now he just does it for all of us.”

Levi snorts at that. “He does one for you too?” He sounds disbelieving.

Dan smiles, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Without much preamble he pulls out the first of the sticky notes he’d received, the one with the rat on it. He hands it over to Levi as he reaches for his seatbelt with his other hand.

It’s quiet for a moment as Levi reads over it, a startled laugh leaving him. “That’s…” He trails off, handing the paper back. Dan tucks it neatly back into his wallet. “I mean, if I’m being honest, that’s just disgusting.”

Dan tenses up, glancing over at Levi with a guarded expression. “Yeah?’

Levi seems to realize how that sounded, and he looks panicked as he stutters out an apology. “Sorry, that’s not- I didn’t- I just meant like- it’s sappy. That he leaves you like love notes or whatever.”

It’s funny, the paradox of how that makes Dan both bristle and warm at the same time. “They’re not exactly love notes,” he mumbles, pulling out of the parking lot.

There’s a laugh, and when he glances at Levi, he’s grinning. “Right. Sure. Not a love note.”

“He leaves them for the twins, too,” Dan says, his voice defensive.

Levi shrugs. “He’s trying to be some perfect parent or whatever.”

This really does make Dan bristle, and he side-eyes the boy next to him, unsure how to proceed with defending Phil. Eventually, he settles on, “Phil’s just trying his best to make them feel loved. I know that seems weird, since we’re not your, like, real parents, or whatever, but I know his heart is in the right place.”

It’s quiet for a few moments, and Dan thinks Levi’s not going to say anything more on the subject, but eventually he lets out a slow breath. “I know. Sorry. I’m glad you guys are like, trying. It’s just…”

Dan feels such a deep sympathy for this child, it settles heavy in his chest, almost making it hard for him to breathe. “It’s weird, I know. I’m sorry.”

Levi glances at him, surprised, before he glances back out the window, shrugging. “Not your fault.”

They don’t talk after that, and Dan parks the car out in front of the primary school, offering again for Levi to go with him if he wants. He declines the offer. Dan tries not to let that bother him as he gets out of the car, making his way up to the building where kids are milling about, waiting for their parents. Jaiden spots him first, jumping up and running straight to him, his arms held out.

Dan laughs, scooping him up and kissing his head fondly. “Hey, bubby. How was your day?”

“Fine,” Jaiden says quickly. “Where’s Levi?”

That makes Dan smile. “Waiting in the car for us. Where’s your sister?”

Jaiden gestures vaguely behind him. “She’s- somewhere,” He says, distracted.

“Very insightful, thank you,” Dan says seriously, trying to hide his smirk. He glances around for her, spotting her pigtails running around with two other little girls. “Mia!” He calls. “Time to go, lovey!”

Her head snaps up as she looks for the source of the voice. When she sees him she grins widely, waving at him. She bids goodbye to her friends before skipping over. “Hi, Daddy,” she greets, sliding her hand into the one he’s not currently using to hoist Jaiden up.

“Hello there, sweetheart. Ready to go?” He smiles down at her.

She nods and they start towards the car. As they go, Jaiden is talking excitedly into his ear, but Amelia tugs on his hand to get his attention. “Did Levi have a good day?” She asks, looking nervous.

Dan smiles at this precious girl. “I don’t know. We’ll have to ask him about his day, won’t we?”

Amelia nods, looking thoughtful. “Dad will probably ask, he always asks.”

It takes a moment for Dan to realize that “Dad” is her endearment for Phil at the moment. He smiles. “I’m sure you’re right, hon. I’m sure you are.”

They talk Levi’s ear off in the car ride home, and since today was a day that Phil got off early, he was there to greet them when they got there. Amelia all but jumps in his arms as soon as she and Jaiden have tugged their shoes off, and Dan rolls his eyes.

“Hey, love-bug! How was school?” Phil asks, shifting her to get a better grip on her. Jaiden is hovering next to him, looking up at him with wide eyes. Phil smiles down at him, petting his hair affectionately.

“It was fun! We learned about planets!” Amelia rattles off.

At this announcement, Phil feigns an exaggerated gasp. “That’s my favorite subject! You’ll have to tell me all about it at dinner!”

Amelia giggles and nods. “I will.”

Phil smiles at her and turns to look at Dan. His smile drops into something softer, fonder, as he looks at him. “Hey,” he says quietly, watching as Dan tugs his shoes off and drops his bag beside the shoe rack. “How was work, love?”

Dan shrugs, stepping closer. “It was work,” he says, tired just thinking about it.

“Ah,” Phil says knowingly. He shifts Mia again, further back on his hip, so he can lean in and place a kiss on Dan’s cheek. “I’ll make dinner tonight, if you want.”

“That’d be great, honestly,” Dan sighs, nearly moaning at the idea of not having to stand up and cook.

Phil laughs, but before he can respond, they’re interrupted by Jaiden clearing his throat. They look down at him and Phil quirks an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Jaiden crinkles his nose. “Are you two gonna kiss? I don’t wanna be in here if you’re gonna be smooching.”

On another day this might embarrass Dan, but today isn’t that day. Instead he just cackles, heart warm at the frankly ridiculous look on Phil’s face. “Yeah? Don’t worry, Jai-bird, we won’t traumatize you like that.”

Jaiden looks relieved. “Thanks. Can I go play on the Switch?”

Dan laughs again, but nods. “Go for it.”

Amelia squirms out of Phil’s grip, chasing after her brother. “Make sure you share, guys!” Phil calls after them.

They mutter some affirmatives before they disappear. Dan sighs. He’s almost forgotten that they aren’t alone with how quietly Levi has been hovering near the door for the past couple of minutes, but when he remembers he glances over at him, smiling. “You can go play with them, if you want, or do whatever. We’ll let you know when it’s time for dinner.”

Levi nods. “Okay.” He glances down as he starts to walk past them, but Phil calling his name has him turning around, looking briefly panicked. “Yeah?”

“How was school?” Phil asks. Dan almost laughs but bites his tongue. He knew Phil would ask the very first chance he got.

Levi looks surprised. “Er- it was alright. Good, I guess, actually.” He sounds confused by his own words.

Phil smiles widely. “Great! I was hoping you’d like the school. I know it’s ridiculously posh, but it’s a nice school.”

“Yeah,” Levi agrees passively, shifting on his feet and gripping his backpack strap tightly. “I guess so.”

“Did you have all the school supplies you need?” Phil asks.

Levi nods. “Yeah. They said I’d have to print my essays and stuff, though.” He glances down as he says this, clearly uncomfortable with even mentioning that he might need something.

“That’s fine, we have a printer in the office, you’re welcome to use it whenever you want.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Levi hesitates, gesturing to the stairs. “Can I…”

Phil looks embarrassed. “Yeah! Go ahead, we’ll let you know when it’s time for dinner.”

Levi nods before disappearing up the stairs, leaving Dan and Phil alone in the hall. “Well?” Phil says, turning to look at Dan.

“Well what?” Dan says, smiling.

Phil mirrors the expression. “How’d I do on the whole parenting thing?”

Dan rolls his eyes before heading to the kitchen, rolling his sleeves up as he goes. “Do you want me to sit here and stroke your ego?” he asks sardonically.

“I mean, if you want to stroke something-“ Phil giggles.

This time, Dan does blush. “Shut up,” he mumbles. “The filth that you come up with sometimes, I swear.”

“C’mon, Dan, it was funny. Tell me I’m funny,” Phil pesters him, poking at his sides and making Dan yelp.

“No!” Dan laughs, squirming away when Phil tries to corner him, his hands raised like talons. “Go away, menace.”

Phil grins, grabbing Dan’s t-shirt and tugging him back. “Nope. I’m cooking dinner, remember?”

“Fine, so I’ll go away,” Dan concedes, pulling out of his grip.

Phil whines at this. “Danny,” he protests. “I’ll get bored without you. Keep me company?” He puts his bottom lip out in a pout.

Dan stares at his lips for a little too long, flushing and clearing his throat when he realizes what he’s just done. “What do I get out of it?”

There’s a smirk on Phil’s lips when he leans in, nearly giving Dan a heart attack. He’s so sure he’s about to be kissed, but instead Phil’s lips brush against his jaw. “All my love and affection, Daniel.”

This time Dan has the wherewithal to shove him away, laughing. “Ew. Keep it in your pants, Lester.”

A spot of color blossoms on Phil’s cheek, but he turns around before Dan can tease him for it. “Nevermind, go away, you’re horrible company.”

Dan laughs good-naturedly. In the end, of course, he stays.

~~~

The next couple of days pass in a sort of blur and before they know it, the school week is over and it’s Friday night. Dan was tucked into Phil’s arms on the sofa, feeling perfectly cozy as the kids sat around watching their film of choice for the evening. They were having a lazy sort of night and Dan was more than happy to just fall asleep right then and there. Phil had other ideas apparently, as he kept commenting softly about the plot of the film, quiet enough that only Dan could hear him.

“It just seems unrealistic, in my opinion. I don’t really think that this would actually work in the real world,” Phil is saying.

Dan lifts his head from Phil’s shoulder to stare at him. “It’s a children’s film, bub, of course it’s not going to happen in the real world,” he sasses.

Phil rolls his eyes at his tone. “Well yeah, but they should keep a little bit of realism! It’s a whole thing! People really do navigate and everything and I think Moana is making it look too easy.”

The smile that creeps onto Dan’s face is just impossible to stop. “Right. You’re absolutely right.” Phil grins triumphantly. “And you’re also distracting me from this extremely good film, so shut up.”

Phil grumbles when Dan turns away, situating himself so he can press his back against Phil’s chest. Even with his huff, Phil doesn’t complain. “Here, move a bit,” he pushes gently against Dan’s back, forcing Dan to sit up reluctantly. Glancing behind himself, Dan watches as Phil pulls his legs onto the sofa, stretching one out on either side of Dan’s body. “Okay, c’mere.”

Dan raises an eyebrow. “You want me to sit there?” He asks, gesturing to the space between Phil’s legs. He can already feel his cheeks heating up at the idea, but suddenly he’s desperate for it, for this closeness to the one person he loves most in the world.

“Yeah, come here it’ll be comfy,” Phil presses, holding his arms out wide.

His heart racing, Dan shrugs and moves closer, settling in between Phil’s legs just as he’d asked. It is comfy, and immediately Phil’s arms come up to wrap around his chest, trapping Dan’s arms at the biceps. “Phil,” Dan whines softly. “I can’t move.”

“Well why are you trying to? We’re having premium cuddles here,” Phil replies, sounding offended.

Dan thinks about it for a moment and promptly decides that even though they’re a little closer than normal, he doesn’t actually mind it, and in fact is finding it to be quite pleasant. He tilts his head back to rest on Phil’s shoulder, his eyes moving over the room to take stock of each of the kids. Amelia is laying on a blanket in the floor, her chin propped in her hands as she stares up at the screen. Jaiden is laying on the other sofa, but from here Dan can’t actually tell if he’s asleep or not. Levi, playing on his phone, is sitting on the armchair, and when Dan glances over at him, his gaze flickers up to meet Dan’s. He immediately looks embarrassed and drops his gaze, and Dan shifts uncomfortably. He’s about to say something to him when he feels Phil squeeze his side gently.

“Dan,” Phil says suddenly.

“Hm?” He asks, turning his head to look at him.

“Stop moving,” he mumbles, and maybe it’s the glow of the television, but Dan thinks he looks embarrassed.

It takes Dan a moment, but as soon as he realizes that in their position his shifting is causing Phil a bit of a... problem, he giggles. “Sorry,” he whispers when Phil shoots a glare at him.

“Shut up,” Phil whines.

“Shh, sorry, sorry, I’ll stop,” Dan apologizes with a grin. On a whim, he tilts his head, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Phil’s jaw.

It’s new, he notes. He normally doesn’t do that when they steal those moments of connection, he normally keeps his kisses to Phil’s cheek, or his forehead, or even his hair. But kissing his jaw feels different and the intimacy is different, and he’s not quite sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Phil’s eyes are darker in the room, with the television the only source of light, but Dan can tell that he feels the difference too. Unable to handle his steady gaze, Dan turns back to the movie. His eyes dart over the children once more, and again he catches Levi staring at him. This time, he decides to call him out.

“How’s the new phone working, Levi?”

Levi flinches, just barely, and Dan frowns deeply. “It’s, uh, it’s fine.”

“Yeah? Great.” Dan hesitates a bit before speaking again. “Did you get everything downloaded that you wanted to?”

“Um... yeah, I guess so.” Levi fiddles with the phone, clearly uncomfortable.

“Games? Music?” Dan presses. He knew it was a little obnoxious of him, but he remembers being a teenager. He remembered feeling awkward asking his parents for a phone, and then feeling even more awkward when he tried to download music onto it only to find that everything came with a price.

“Uh, haven’t figured out the music thing yet,” Levi says eventually, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“You can make an Apple Music account, Levi,” Phil says from over Dan’s shoulder. The sound of his voice surprises him and he jumps a little. Phil rests a settling hand on Dan’s stomach at that, gently rubbing circles, almost as if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. “We’ll pay for it but go ahead and set one up.”

“Oh, um, that’s okay, I-“ he begins.

“Levi, it’s fine. Phil’s a producer at the BBC, he’s got all sorts of money,” Dan grins as he says this, and yelps when he feels Phil tug gently on a curl in reprimand.

“It’s coming out of the shared bank account, so I reckon you’ve got all sorts of money too, love.” Phil interjects, sounding quite pleased with himself.

Dan still wasn’t completely used to the idea that they shared a bank account now, just as much as they shared a life. It was something he was adjusting to, but as of right now the reminder still made him feel strange. “Yeah, well,” he mumbles. “Your mum.”

Phil presses a kiss to a spot just below his ear then, causing Dan to shiver. “Your mum,” he mocks.

“Hey,” Dan lets out a quiet protest. “You have to be nice to me, I’m the baby.”

“You’re not a baby, even if you act like it,” Phil rolls his eyes.

“I am,” Dan replies, nodding seriously as he turns to look at Phil. “I’m the youngest of the two of us, so you have to be nice to me.”

“I don’t like that rule,” Phil says, his eyes glittering in the light from the screen.

Dan shrugs and eventually tears his own eyes away, settling back against Phil’s chest. “Tough shit,” he mumbles, hoping the children don’t overhear.

He’s not expecting it, so when Phil bites his earlobe gently in reprimand, Dan yelps loudly. The kids all turn to look at him questioningly, and he shrugs sheepishly. “Sorry. Thought I saw a... spider.”

The twins go right back to the movie, more than used to Dan’s odd behavior as of now, but Levi gives him a lingering look.

Phil laughs softly. “That was cute,” he whispers into Dan’s ear.

Dan unsubtly digs his elbow into the fleshy bit of Phil’s hip, causing the older man to hiss in pain. “Was not,” he mumbles back.

Phil doesn’t reply, but Dan feels lips pressing to his neck only a second later. He can’t stop the gasp that falls from his lips. This apparently only urges Phil on, as he takes it a step further, kissing down his throat slowly. Dan’s hand comes up to grip Phil’s forearm, his mind and body in a war of whether or not he should stop him. “Phil,” he whispers hoarsely. They don’t do this. This isn’t something they allow themselves. Best friends is one thing, and putting on a show for the purpose of their fake relationship was one thing as well, but doing this in the privacy of their home, when the only people who could see is their kids- well it’s something they don’t do.

“Is this okay?” Phil whispers.

Dan swallows hard, his heart pounding erratically. “We shouldn’t- I don’t- _fuck_.”

“Shh, little ears,” Phil reminds him subtly.

Again, Dan’s gaze darts around the room, but luckily none of the kids are looking at them. None of them see the way Phil leans in again, pressing another soft kiss to Dan’s neck. “Phil, stop,” Dan breathes, unable to handle himself.

“Oh, um... sorry. I just- I thought- nevermind.” Phil stumbles over his words, and Dan feels his throat itch with the desire to appease him, but he swallows it down. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

Dan slowly strokes his thumb across Phil’s forearm, feeling almost guilty for telling him to stop. But he was confused, his heart was racing, and he was struggling to find a way to think about this in platonic terms. “It’s okay. It... it felt nice.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks timidly. “So why...?” He trails off, but it’s clearly an open-ended question, easy for Dan to fill in the blanks.

Tilting his head to make absolutely sure the kids can’t hear his voice over the sound of the television, he whispers, “I- we don’t do that. And... no one is watching right now, so maybe we... shouldn’t.”

“Oh.” Phil sounds hurt. “Okay then.” His voice is flat, and Dan cringes at the sound of it.

“Phil-“

“I get it,” he says, a little louder than they’d been speaking.

“I’m sorry, I just-“

“Drop it, please?” Phil’s voice is wavering now, and when Dan turns to look at him, his eyes are pleading.

“Okay...” Dan says slowly. He turns back to the film, trying to ignore the weight of his heart and the loosening of Phil’s grip.

~~~

That night, once the kids have all gone to bed, Dan crawls into bed beside Phil with a yawn. “I’m exhausted,” he announces, sighing when his head comes into contact with the pillow.

“I’m sorry,” Phil whispers.

Dan lifts his head to squint at his best friend. “Huh?”

“For earlier. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t- I really don’t know why I did it, I just-“

“Are you talking about the neck thing?” Dan asks slowly, trying to decide how to handle this. Phil is staring straight up at the ceiling, unwilling to meet Dan’s gaze, which means he’s either embarrassed or just worried that Dan’s mad at him.

“Yes. I’m so sorry, Dan. There’s... we have boundaries, and I just-“

“Phil,” Dan interrupts him.

“I don’t know what I was thinking! I-“

“Phil,” Dan repeats, patiently.

“I- what?” Phil tilts his head on the pillow to give Dan a perturbed look.

Dan smiles. “It’s fine. Okay? Everything is alright. I didn’t mind. I just- it caught me off guard, that’s all.”

“You didn’t mind,” Phil says slowly, disbelief coloring his tone.

Shrugging, Dan tries not to let his embarrassment show at that admission. “I mean, not really. It felt nice, so...”

“Right,” Phil says, clearing his throat and staring back at the ceiling, a contemplative look on his face.

Dan wants to say something, wants to suggest something a little stupid as far as his already strained heart is concerned, but it won’t leave his mouth. It sits there, clawing at his throat and just begging to be released into the air between them. “I-“ he starts, stuttering to a stop as he tries futilely to get his thoughts together.

“Hm?” Phil hums beside him, turning his head to study Dan.

Swallowing, Dan stares resolutely up at the ceiling as he speaks. “If you want to do, you know... things like that... you can. I don’t... I really don’t mind it.”

“What?” Phil asks, his tone hard to decipher from how quiet his voice has fallen.

“Like... the neck kissing thing. If that’s something that you think might make the whole fake fiancé thing more believable, or if you just, I dunno, if you’re, um, well, if for some reason you feel the need to-“

“Stop, please,” Phil suddenly interrupts, his voice hard.

“Oh, sorry- what?”

“Stop. I don’t- I’m not like, frustrated, or something. I don’t need you to... just like, say that I can do that sort of thing just to make myself feel better.” His voice is bitter, and Dan’s stomach sinks with nerves as he realizes that he’s said the wrong thing this time.

“Oh... I... Okay.”

Phil is silent for a long time and when he finally speaks, his voice has taken on a softer tone. “I shouldn’t have done it, Dan. I’m sorry. But you’re right, we aren’t...” he clears his throat then. “We aren’t actually together, and it was inappropriate for me to touch you like that without asking first.”

Dan hates himself for the way his eyes well up with tears as he listens to Phil speak. He hates that he wishes he could correct Phil, wishes there was a false statement to correct. But there’s not, and Phil’s right- they aren’t actually together, and to act like they are in private is a dangerous game.

“Okay,” Dan whispers, his voice wet.

Phil sighs exasperatedly, so Dan isn’t expecting it when he rolls over, throwing an arm around his waist and burying his nose into Dan’s shoulder. “I...” he trails off, closing his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry, bear.”

Dan swallows hard. “Don’t be.” He closes his eyes against the wetness there, trying to blink it away. “We’re okay, yeah?”

There’s a long moment of silence, and Dan’s gut swirls with anxiety the longer it’s uninterrupted. “Yeah,” Phil finally whispers. “We’re okay.”

~~~

By the next morning, the events of the previous night are well behind them. Perhaps that’s actually just due to the lack of desire to talk it out and figure out exactly what happened there, but Dan will take the silence on the subject as a good thing. He expects they’ll have a nice lie-in, since he wakes up with Phil still curled around him. Dan’s shameless in the way he snuggles back into him, ready to take advantage of this extra snuggle time.

The twins have other ideas, however, waking them up about half an hour later begging for breakfast. They start their day after that, albeit reluctantly on Dan’s part. After a late breakfast and some lounging around watching TV, it’s almost time for Levi to go to his group therapy.

Dan leaves the twins at home with Phil to drive Levi to the address Sophie had given him. In the car, he can tell Levi is unsettled but obviously unwilling to acknowledge his own fear of attending the session. The car ride over is mostly silent, Levi avoiding all of Dan’s attempts at conversation until they’ve pulled up outside the building.

“Here we are,” Dan announces, forcing a cheery smile as he looks over at the teenager. Levi stares over at the building, his hand curling around the door handle, knuckles white. “You alright?” Dan questions gently, trying not to press him.

Levi glances over. He frowns. “Do I have to go?”

It’s not really what Dan expected him to stay, but he tries to handle his answer in a parenting way. “You do, unfortunately,” He grimaces as he says it. “You might get us both in trouble if you don’t go.”

“Right,” Levi says. He clears his throat then, glancing between the building and Dan. “Are you…”

“Do you want me to come inside with you?” Dan asks him, keeping his tone neutral so that Levi doesn’t feel swayed either way.

After a moment, Levi shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. But… You’ll be here to pick me up after, right?”

Dan frowns. He hates that Levi even feels the need to ask that. “Yes, of course, Levi. It’s over at two, right?”

Levi nods. “Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll be waiting right here, yeah?”

“Okay. Erm… See you, then.”

“Bye, Levi. Text me if you need anything.” Dan waits until Levi’s walked all the way up to the door before he starts to leave, glancing back just to make sure he’s really gone inside and then pulling out of the parking lot.

He’s got some time to kill, an hour, actually, so he decides to use that time to pick up a few necessities. He texts Phil to ask if they need anything other than milk and new lightbulbs, and Phil asks him to pick up some more pigeon food, per Jaiden’s request. Dan smiles and rolls his eyes at the text but replies with an affirmative before heading to the shops.

As he’s walking the aisles, his phone begins ringing in his pocket. He sends an apologetic glance to the older lady who startles at the sound, quickly moving to dig it out before it can disturb anyone else. He’s expecting Phil’s name, so when he sees “Mum” instead, he’s a little confused.

“Hi?” he answers, a little confused.

“That’s one way to greet your only mother,” she muses, clearly teasing.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Hello, mum. How are you? How’s Colin?”

“You do realize you ask after the dog more than your own flesh and blood, Daniel.”

It’s not news to him, but he still pretends to be shocked. “I just want to know how the most important family member is doing, Mum. I can’t have a dog of my own yet, so he’s the next best thing.”

“I bet the kids would love a dog.” There’s a hint of challenge in her voice, as if by answering this Dan might be admitting to something wrong.

He takes it. “Oh, they’d be thrilled. Phil’s got Mia infatuated with corgis,” he says smoothly, waiting for her biting response.

They hadn’t spoken much since he told her that they had a placement. He’d phoned her a few times, obviously, but he hadn’t divulged much about the kids other than their names and hints of anecdotes that he’d love to share if she was more receptive to the idea of hearing them. So far, she’d only made the vaguest of comments about his new life, but she’d been obnoxiously cryptic about the reasons that she felt this fake relationship with Phil was a bad idea.

He hated that he was starting to understand her point.

“How are they?” His mum surprises him by asking. “You hardly ever tell me anything about them, you know.”

Dan looks down at the basket in his hand, only containing Phil’s shampoo he remembered him complaining was almost empty the other morning. “Er- well, I didn’t think you really wanted to know anything about them.” He feels silly even saying it, but it’s the truth.

“Dan, honey, of course I want to know about them. They’re the biggest part of your life right now, and obviously I want to know about that.” She laughs then, sounding tired. “I just assumed you didn’t want me knowing anything.”

And that definitely is typical of them, to get their wires crossed like this. “No, mum, of course not. I… Yeah, I want you to know things about them. Um… Actually, we’re fostering their older brother now, too.”

“Oh, blimey. There’s more of them?” She sounds surprised, as if people aren’t allowed to have more than two children. That makes Dan roll his eyes.

“Yes, mum, but as far as we know, it’s just the three of them. Levi was… er, well, he was in a group home. But he lives with us now, too.”

There’s a brief silence, stretching out long enough that Dan pulls the phone away to make sure the call hasn’t disconnected. Then, he hears his mother’s voice, quiet and soft. “You’re doing an incredible thing for those children, Daniel. Really.”

And he’s not sure how to respond to such honesty from her, so it takes him a moment to respond. He glances down, clearing his throat as he tries to gather his thoughts. “Oh. Well, um, thank you, I guess.”

His mum laughs. “You never were one for gracefully accepting a compliment, were you?”

He scoffs, planning to argue, but stops. It’s not really a lie, after all. He sighs. “Okay, yeah, I guess you’re right about that.”

“I know I am. Now are you going to tell me anything about the children or shall I call Phil?” She sounds amused, and he can almost picture her quirking an eyebrow as she waits for his response.

With a laugh, he begins telling her about how sweet the kids are, talking about how much Jaiden reminds him of Phil and how Amelia is their little princess. He’s a little quieter about Levi, telling his mum that he doesn’t know enough about him to say much yet. She seems to understand but hums along and laughs at all the right spots in his stories about the twins, and it’s strange how it feels like she’s really listening to him for once. He’s not used to that feeling, but his heart is undeniably full by the end of their call.

He checks the time and sees it’s almost time to go pick Levi up, so he finishes his shopping and checks out, depositing the bags into the backseat before heading back to the group meeting. It’s taking place in a community center not far from their flat, which is a relief to Dan, who was really not looking forward to the long drive back to the foster home every Saturday. Luckily, they outsource the group therapy sessions after the children had been moved out of group homes, and it just so happened that they lived pretty close to the meeting place.

Dan’s sat in the car waiting for Levi, tapping a rhythm against the steering wheel absently while he watches the door. Eventually, it opens, and a few people begin walking out, all around the same age as Levi. Dan waits, watching the kids closely until he spots Levi’s familiar dark hair. He watches as he walks down the steps talking to a girl about his age, and it takes Dan a moment to realize why she looks familiar.

Levi looks around, nodding to Dan when he sees his car. Dan watches as he turns back to Charlotte, probably bidding her goodbye. Charlotte is smiling kindly at him, and she waves cheerfully before turning to leave. Dan doesn’t miss the way Levi stares after her for a moment, a smile twitching at his lips before he shoves his hands into his pockets and makes his way over to the car.

He climbs in and glances at Dan, tugging at his seatbelt. “What?” Levi mutters.

“Hm?” Dan hums, trying to hide his smile.

“You’ve got like, this weird look on your face,” Levi explains, gesturing at Dan vaguely.

Dan shrugs, turning the steering wheel to get back onto the road. “No reason. How was it?”

“Fine,” Levi mumbles.

“Hm. Make any friends?” He asks, trying to keep the implication out of his voice. He knows he’s failed when he glances at Levi and sees a flush on his cheeks.

“That’s- are you, like, making fun of me?” Levi demands, sounding annoyed.

Dan frowns. “What? No, Levi. Absolutely not.” He shakes his head to punctuate his words. “Of course, I’m not. I was really just asking because, er…” He debates what he should tell him about Charlotte. He figures they’ve probably realized they go to the same school, so he blurts it out. “I know Charlotte, is all, so I was just wondering if you and her hit it off.”

“Oh,” Levi says slowly. “I mean, yeah, I guess. She’s nice.”

“She’s a lovely girl,” Dan agrees. “Smart, too, does really well in her classes.”

“Hm,” Levi says, clearly uninterested in continuing this conversation.

Dan completely understands that, but he can’t help but take the piss, just a little. “So…” Levi sends him a look. Dan bites his lip to keep from laughing. “Did you get her number?”

Levi stares at him. Dan glances at him when he slows down for a stop sign. Levi clears his throat and looks out the window. “I’m not talking about this with you.” Even with the words being a little harsh, Dan can hear the amusement in his voice.

“Right, sorry.” Dan replies, nodding along in a responsible sort of way. After a moment, he peeks over at him again, holding back a laugh as he asks, “So… is that a yes?”

Levi groans dramatically, following it with a quiet laugh. Dan can’t help but join in. “You’re kinda nosy,” Levi observes, not unkindly.

Dan shrugs at this. “Maybe. But you’re avoiding answering the question, and that in itself speaks volumes.” This seems to startle Levi, but before he can make any sort of comment, Dan pulls the car into the parking garage of the apartment. “Home sweet home!”

~~~

After the kids have gone to bed that night, Dan finds himself in his room with Phil, neither of them quite ready for sleep yet. Phil is sat reading a book with his glasses sliding down his nose every so often, and Dan is laid beside him, his cheek resting against Phil’s thigh as he prattles on about his day quietly.

“I just think it’s nice, you know,” He rambles on a yawn.

“Mhm,” is Phil’s reply.

Dan sighs, vaguely annoyed at Phil’s seeming lack of interest. “Are you even listening to me?” he demands, twisting to gaze up at Phil.

Phil rolls his eyes but meets Dan’s gaze. “Yes, bear, I’m listening. You said it’s nice that Levi and Charlotte are friends. You’ve said it about three times now,” he says gently, his lips quirking up in an amused smile.

His face a little warmer now, Dan glances away. “Oh. Sorry.”

There’s a laugh from above Dan and he hears the sound of Phil placing his book on his nightstand, followed by the feeling of a hand carding through his hair. “Time for sleep?” Phil asks, his voice fond.

Dan nods, closing his eyes and nuzzling into Phil’s hand as he scratches lightly across Dan’s scalp. “Yeah,” he sighs. “Sorry I ramble so much about stupid stuff. I’ll learn when to shut up eventually.”

Phil gently tugs on a curl in reprimand. “Don’t say that. I love listening to you talk, and it doesn’t bother me if you ramble. And our kids are not stupid stuff, sir.”

Dan can’t help the grin that stretches across his lips at that last part. “That’s disgustingly sappy. I’m gonna puke.”

“Ew, do it on the floor, not the bed. I’m not cleaning up your sick,” Phil teases.

When Dan cracks an eye open, Phil’s nose is crinkled adorably and Dan laughs. He reaches up and boops him gently on that crooked nose, making Phil go a little cross-eyed as he follows Dan’s finger. “There’s the Phil I know,” he jokes. “I thought maybe you were an imposter, being all sweet.”

Phil smiles down at him, his thumb tracing along Dan’s eyebrows. “I’m always sweet,” he protests mildly.

Dan giggles. “Does that mean I’m sour?”

Rolling his eyes, Phil cups Dan’s cheek with one hand, the other moving from his eyebrows back into his curls. “Probably.”

“You know, if you were milk, I think you’d be sour milk,” Dan observes, his brain so short on sleep that it’s rattling things off as if he’s got no filter. Which, sometimes, he guesses, he really doesn’t.

“You think?” Phil asks, clearly holding back a laugh.

“Yeah.” Dan nods. “I think cause you’re so pale you’re almost green sometimes. You’d be spoiled milk. Or cheese.” He sort of cackles after he’s said it, the imagery striking him as funny now that it’s out there.

“I think you’re sleepy,” Phil says softly, his thumb stroking along Dan’s cheekbones.

Dan smiles, turning his face to nuzzle against the palm of Phil’s hand. “I am. Cuddle?”

Phil smiles right back, leaning away to turn the lamp off, casting the room in darkness. The mattress shifts as he lays down, and Dan patiently waits for him to get comfortable before they sort out their cuddling position. “Big spoon or little, baby?”

“Little,” Dan says after a moment of consideration. He turns over onto his side and presses himself back, searching for Phil’s hand to hold after he’s wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist. “Night, Philly,” he sighs contently.

There’s a kiss pressed to the back of his neck then. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

The room is silent for several moments, and Dan can feel himself drifting off to sleep. Something is mumbled against his skin, but he’s already too far gone, and it drifts away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you are doing well in these scary times, and I hope this story gives you a little solace in your day. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to, I may not answer right away but I try to be a good listener to those who need it.  
> Stay safe, loves <3 <3 <3


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil has a sick day and Dan takes care of him. 
> 
> Plus.... the moment you've all been waiting for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update everyone!! work is a bitch and i didn't get home until late. Enjoy the chapter!!

_There’s a baby crying. Dan doesn’t know where, but he’s positive he can hear it. He’s trying to find it, walking in the direction of the noise, but it seems like the louder the cries, the slower he moves. It’s like he’s moving in quicksand, but when he looks at his feet, there’s nothing. No ground, no legs. Just the sound of the baby crying. He’s panicked, looking around for someone, anyone, to help. He’s about to call out for help, when his world is jostled. It ruins the atmosphere, everything fading in and out shakily._

_The cries are still there, but now he’s not sure it’s a baby. It sounds like-_

Dan hears an annoying trill in the background of his subconsciousness, drawing him from his dream. He can sort of piece together that the noise is probably his phone, but he’s still not entirely sure he’s awake. He snuggles down into the warmth of the bed, content to let the noise continue and drift back into his dream.

That is, until he feels a sharp prod to his side, followed by a voice. “Dan. Turn your alarm off.”

“Hm?” Dan murmurs into his pillow.

“Dan.” There’s a pause, and Dan’s finally beginning to think he might be able to go back to sleep, but then he feels a sharp pain in his side.

He jolts at the feeling, rolling over to blink at his apparent assailant. “That fucking hurt!” he hisses.

“Turn the alarm _off_ , Daniel.” Comes Phil’s sharp reply.

Dan blinks sleepily, rubbing at his eyes as he flails about for his phone. “Fine, god.” He stops the alarm before yawning, taking a moment to wake up a little as he sits up. He glances over at Phil, frowning when he sees the blanket pulled over his head.

“What’s wrong with you?” He mutters, still a little annoyed that his wake-up call was a rather pointy elbow to his ribs.

“Nothing,” Phil grits out.

Dan rolls his eyes at the obvious lie. He was too exhausted right now to be seriously concerned. Phil wasn’t a morning person all the time, and maybe the whole parenting thing was getting to him.

“Whatever,” Dan mumbles before going to shower.

When he comes out of the bathroom a little later, Phil is still wrapped entirely in blankets. Dan hums to himself as he grabs a shirt from his side of the closet, sliding his arms in and working on buttoning it up. He scrounges around in one of his drawers, wearing nothing but a pair of pants and the shirt as he looks for some trousers or jeans. He sorts through two drawers before he finds a pair he likes, going to his top drawer to grab some socks, still humming.

“Can you please hurry up?” Phil’s voice is weak and strained, and Dan startles at hearing it in the otherwise silent room.

Frowning, Dan glances over at where Phil’s face is barely peeking out of the blankets. “What is your problem, mate? Why’re you being so tetchy?”

Phil closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Something about that doesn’t sit well with Dan, but it’s teetering between guilt and annoyance, and he’s not sure which to give into. “I don’t feel well,” Phil says finally. “Just… Can you be a little quieter?”

Dan shrugs. “Yeah, whatever.” He heads into the bathroom to brush his teeth and do something with his hair to the soundtrack of Phil letting out a shaky breath.

After finishing up in the bathroom, Dan heads back into the bedroom. His eyes are immediately drawn to the bed, where he can just barely see Phil’s shoulders shaking, just slightly.

Slowly, quietly, Dan makes his way over to Phil’s side of the bed. He sits carefully on the edge, trying not to jostle him too much. “Phil? Are you okay, bub?” His hand hovers near Phil, a little unsure if he wants the physical comfort right now.

Phil draws in a shuddering breath but makes no attempt to hide the fact that he’d been crying. “I’m fine,” he says, strained.

Dan gently lays a hand in Phil’s hair, stroking gently. Phil doesn’t flinch away, so Dan continues the movements. “Hey… what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

Dan has to bite his tongue on a sharp rebuttal. “Is it a migraine?” He asks, his chest sinking at the thought.

Phil’s hesitation is answer enough, but he finally says a soft, “Yeah.”

Leaning down, Dan presses his lips to Phil’s temple. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Phil whispers, his tone bitter.

“Not what I meant,” Dan mumbles. He kisses again. “Need anything?”

“No. I just… I wanna be alone.”

And that hurts, just a little. But Dan knows he can only make it better if Phil wants him to, so with another kiss and a soft murmur of, “Okay,” he leaves the room.

The twins are already awake, and he tells them that whoever can be the quietest will get a treat later. He knows it is bribery, but he already feels guilty enough about being loud earlier, so maybe this will atone for that guilt. Levi is practically dead to the world, so it takes a moment to get him up.

“I’m up,” Levi groans.

“Breakfast is gonna be on the road today, buddy. And Phil’s feeling a little under the weather, so try to be as quiet as you can until we leave, yeah?”

Levi nods, waving him off. “Yeah, yeah. Got it.”

Dan heads back downstairs, stopping in the kitchen for a glass of water and a few paracetamol tablets. Phil’s no longer got his head covered up, but his eyes are clenched shut too tightly for him to be asleep. Dan sets down the water and medicine gently before settling on the bed in front of Phil again. He runs a hand down Phil’s arm, rubbing his skin gently. “I brought you some medicine and water, babe.”

“Thanks,” Phil breathes.

Dan feels his gut twist. He hates seeing Phil like this and knowing that he didn’t make it any easier on him earlier makes him feel even worse. “I’m sorry you’re ill,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss Phil’s shoulder.

Phil’s hand finds Dan’s and he squeezes his fingers. He doesn’t speak, and Dan knows he’s probably not making him feel better by sitting here talking. Still, he closes his eyes and just sits there for a moment, stealing that little moment for the two of them before he has to leave. After a moment, he sighs, leaning to kiss Phil’s cheek.

“I’ll call in for you. We’ll be home later, but call me if you need anything, yeah?” Dan rubs Phil’s knuckles with his thumb.

“Yeah,” Phil agrees softly.

Dan nods, mostly to himself, since Phil isn’t looking at him. He moves to leave the room when he hears Phil’s quiet voice behind him. “Hm?”

“The notes,” Phil says, voice wobbly. “I have some notes for the kids in my drawer.” He gestures vaguely to his nightstand.

It takes Dan a moment to process what he means, but when he does he can’t help the fond smile on his face. He quietly pulls the drawer open and finds four stacks of sticky notes. There’s about three or four notes in each stack, but each stack is labelled with a different name. He grabs one note for each of them, making sure his eyes don’t stay too focused on the one with his name for now.

“Alright,” Dan says to indicate he got them. “Get some sleep, baby.”

“Drive safe,” Phil murmurs, his arm covering his eyes. His lips twitch, and Dan hesitates. It was barely a pucker, but when he sees Phil do it again, he steps closer impulsively. Quickly, so that he won’t feel too guilty or awkward about it, Dan leans down and briefly presses his lips to Phil’s in a kiss so fleeting it’s barely a brush.

“Bye, love,” Dan whispers.

He ducks out of the room quickly then, but not before he sees Phil’s lips quirk up, just slightly. The memory warms his chest the entire rest of the morning- through calling in sick for him, to stopping at a café to get the children some breakfast, to dropping them off and strolling into work, a stupid grin on his face.

Louise stares at him suspiciously when he walks in. “What’s got you so smiley?” She demands.

Dan grins at her, shrugging. “I’m just happy, I guess.”

~~~

Happy apparently doesn’t last, as it turns out.

The kids are bubbly and full of life after school, and even Levi is more of a chatterbox than usual. Dan is enjoying it thoroughly, the sounds of them laughing and talking together filling a void in his chest he never realized was empty. They’re still loud and rambunctious as they walk into the flat, although Dan reminds them to use their inside voices in the same breath he uses to chastise the twins for throwing their backpacks down rather than hanging them on their hooks.

He’s humming to himself as he kicks off his own shoes and hangs his bag up, thinking back to the very few messages he’d exchanged with Phil throughout the day.

**_9:37 AM_ **

**_Dan: hey bub just checking to see how you’re doing_ **

**_Phil: I’m okay I guess. Tired :/_ **

**_Dan: do you need me to come home?_ **

**_Phil: No_ **

**_Dan: oh_ **

**_Dan: okay well ily and I hope you feel better soon x_ **

****

**_12:04 AM_ **

**_Dan: try to eat something for lunch please_ **

**_Phil: k_ **

****

**_1:26 PM_ **

**_Dan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbDV7uxjqlI_ **

**_Dan: v important content_ **

**_Phil: read at 1:27 PM_ **

Dan was nervous walking through the flat to their room, already fearing the worst, as if Phil’s texting behavior today was just a signal that today was about to prove to be a bad one. He nudges the door to their bedroom open gently, noting that the lights are off, and the curtains are drawn. He tiptoes to the bed, eyeing the outline of Phil’s body beneath the duvet.

His chest is rising and falling slowly, a sure sign of slumber. One of his arms is curled around Dan’s pillow, tucked into his side, and the other is splayed above his head. As Dan gets closer he notices how shiny Phil’s skin looks, making him pause. Dan’s careful as he creeps forward and cautiously lowers himself to the bed, laying a gentle hand on Phil’s forehead to check for a temperature.

He nearly swears when he feels how uncomfortably hot Phil’s face is, and his anxiety spikes as he notices the shivers that wrack his body sporadically. Dan has no idea how long he’s been asleep or if he’s already aware that he has a fever, but with a renewed sense of anxiety, he reaches for Phil’s shoulder and gently shakes him awake.

“Phil. Phil, bub, c’mon, wake up.” Dan watches as his eyelids flutter open.

“Huh?” His voice is thick with sleep, and his eyes hold a mixture of panic and confusion as they flit around, finally focusing on Dan’s face. “Dan?”

“Yeah, buddy. C’mon, you need to get in the bath, you’re burning up.”

Phil nods vaguely, his eyes fluttering shut again. “Mm,” he mumbles.

“Phil. Hey, wake up. Come on, you have to get up,” Dan reiterates, tugging Phil’s arm. Phil makes a noise of protest, but Dan just tuts at him. “Let’s go, bath.”

“Don’t wanna,” Phil slurs.

Dan sighs, pulling him up and dragging him off the bed, doing his best to hoist him up and guide him into the bathroom. “I know you don’t, but your fever is really high, and I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out.” The word vomit erupts from his mouth, and he’s selfishly a little glad that Phil seems too out of it to process what he just said.

He lets Phil lean against the sink, quickly moving to fill the bathtub up with water and throwing in some of the peppermint salts that Phil likes. He spins back around when he hears Phil gag, covering his mouth as his panicked eyes find Dan’s. Dan is quick to guide him to the toilet, brushing Phil’s hair back and cringing against the sound of him emptying the contents of his stomach. He’s always hated listening to other people get sick, and to relieve the nausea he feels swirling in his own stomach, he presses his face against Phil’s shoulder blade, trying to minimize his breathing and focus on the sound of running water.

“Shh, shh, you’re okay,” He mumbles, pressing kisses against the damp t-shirt below his mouth as Phil dry heaves. Dan waits for a moment, until he’s almost certain Phil’s done, then quickly pulls away to flush the evidence away. Phil’s face is nearly translucent and haggard as he stares up at Dan, his eyes swimming in tears. “Hey, it’s okay, baby. C’mon, let’s get you in the bath, see if we can get the fever to break.”

Phil nods slowly, standing on baby deer legs and allowing Dan to tug at his shirt. When he hesitates at the waistband of Phil’s pajama bottoms, the older man shrugs. He closes his eyes, looking defeated and exhausted. “It’s not something you haven’t seen before.” Dan chooses not to respond, nodding tersely and making quick work of Phil’s pajama bottoms and pants, keeping his eyes focused solely on his hands. Phil stumbles a little trying to pull his feet out, his hand flying to Dan’s shoulder to hold himself steady. “Er- sorry,” Phil mumbles.

“It’s fine,” Dan replies quietly. He tosses Phil’s clothes into the corner, guiding him over to the tub and helping him lower himself in. The water level has risen almost too much since Dan turned it on, so he’s quick to twist the knob to make it stop.

“Dan,” Phil whines softly as he settles in the water. When Dan looks at him, he’s shivering, his cheeks decorated with streams of tears. “It’s cold.”

Dan feels his heart ache. He hated, more than anything, to see Phil in pain. He brings his hands up to cup Phil’s cheeks, wiping away the moisture there and leaning in to kiss his forehead. “I know, love. But your skin is burning up, I don’t know what else to do.”

Phil’s teeth chatter as he draws his legs up to his chest, hugging his knees. Dan feels this is partly to maintain warmth, but likely because with the cold bath waking him up completely, Phil is aware of his own nakedness. “O-o-kay.”

“You don’t have to stay in here very long,” Dan assures him, brushing a hand through Phil’s hair. “Just about ten minutes, and then we’ll get you back in bed, okay?” Phil only nods, dropping his head to his knees miserably. Dan swallows back the emotion in his throat, petting the back of his head. “I’m going to go check on the kids, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Phil whispers.

Dan’s quick about heading upstairs, where he can hear the kids playing and arguing over something, probably a game. He’s not very surprised to see a Super Smash Brothers game going on, Levi and Jaiden shoving at each other on the sofa, trying to knock each other’s remotes out of their hands. Amelia is cheering them on from the arm chair, but she’s not very loyal to either side. They don’t notice him there at first, but when Amelia sees him she yelps and jumps up, skipping over to him and holding her arms out.

He scoops her up and gestures to the TV with his vacant hand. “Hey, pause that for a minute, guys.”

Levi presses the button and turns to look at him, while Jaiden protests beside him. “What’s up?” Levi asks, glancing towards the stairs. “Where’s Phil?”

Dan tries not to show how worried he is as he nods to the stairs. “He’s in our room. He’s pretty ill, so I’ve gotta go back down there in a minute and take care of him. I think we’re going to have a takeout kinda night, so you guys think about what you want for dinner, okay? And try not to be too loud up here, if you don’t mind.”

They nod, and Amelia presses her cheek to Dan’s shoulder. “Is Dad gonna be okay?”

With a smile, Dan presses a kiss to her cheek. “Sure, lovebug. He just needs to get some rest.”

“Were we being too loud?” Levi asks, looking guilty.

Dan shakes his head. “No, not at all. So, just keep the volume where it’s at, okay? And when you guys decide what you want, text me and I’ll order it.” He directs the last part to Levi, who nods. “Alright, I’ve gotta go back downstairs, but I’ll be back in a bit.”

The children respond with vague acknowledgements that they’ve heard him, the boys already going back to their game. Dan presses another kiss to Amelia’s head before setting her down and heading back down to his room.

Phil’s still in the bathtub, but he’s not shivering quite as violently as he was before. “Alright, let’s get you out of here,” Dan says quietly when he walks in, trying not to startle him.

Phil still jumps, just a little, but he looks grateful when he looks up at Dan. “Okay.”

Dan grabs a towel and helps Phil stand up, drying him off quickly and reaching out to flick the tab so the tub will drain out. He brings one end of the towel up to Phil’s damp hair, rubbing it against his head gently. Phil giggles a little as Dan does this, and Dan offers him a fond smile. They’re stood so close together, and Dan’s eyes flick down to his lips for a half second. Suddenly, Phil’s not laughing anymore, just staring at Dan with something like expectancy in his eyes.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Dan steps away. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to grab you some pajamas.” Dan’s almost out the door when he hears Phil’s soft voice calling him back. “Hm?”

“Something of yours?” Phil asks, his eyes big and round and hopeful.

Dan bites his lip to hide a smile. “Sure. Be right back.”

~~~

After Phil has gotten dressed in a pair of Dan’s sweatpants and a striped t-shirt, Dan tucks him back into bed before going on a search for a thermometer. He comes back into their room waving it triumphantly, sitting on the edge of the bed and facing Phil, who’s sat against the headboard with his knees pulled up close to his chest. Phil crinkles his nose distastefully but obediently tucks the stick under his tongue and allows it to process. When it beeps, Dan narrows his eyes at it before letting out a sigh of relief.

“36,” He informs Phil, tossing the device onto his bedside table in case they need it again later.

Phil frowns. “That’s still kinda high, isn’t it?”

Dan shrugs. “It’s less than it probably was before.” He leans in then, pressing his lips to Phil’s forehead. He lingers there for longer than is probably necessary, but his hand is itching to run through the hair above Phil’s ear, and Dan can’t help himself. “You’re not as warm as you were before, so I think it probably broke,” he says when he leans away, his hand still stroking Phil’s hair gently.

There’s a strange look on Phil’s face but he nods. “I feel a little better, I guess.” He sounds like he resents this fact, and Dan has to laugh. Phil always was such a baby about cold baths.

“Well, good. I was freaking the fuck out, honestly.”

Phil’s eyebrows draw together. “Why?”

Dan tilts his head and quirks an eyebrow in disbelief. “Come on. You know why.” When Phil gives him a vacant look, Dan makes a noise that’s something between a snort and a cough. “I just… I worry when you don’t feel well. And it makes me sad to see you hurting.”

Apparently, this is the right thing to say, because a grin slowly stretches across Phil’s lips. Dan’s already cringing, prepared for Phil to come up with something ridiculous to say to that, probably something mildly insulting. Instead, he leans forward, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder and pressing a kiss to Dan’s collarbone. “Thank you for taking care of me, bear.”

Dan’s heart clenches at the nickname. He raises a hand, carding his fingers through Phil’s hair and kissing his head. “Of course,” he says, his voice softer than he’d intended. He’s just about to ask if Phil wants to lay down for a nap when the sound of a ringtone interrupts him.

Phil’s nose crinkles as he looks to the side, where the sound is coming from his phone. He leans away from Dan, sighing deeply. “It’s my mum.” He sounds exhausted, even more so than before, staring at the phone like he wishes it would erupt into flames.

“Want me to answer for you?” Dan asks, eyeing the mobile.

Without a word, Phil hands it to him.

“Hello, child. I was starting to think you weren’t going to answer an old woman’s call.” Kathryn’s playfully reprimanding voice greets him when he swipes to answer.

Dan can’t help but grin, moving on the bed to settle himself beside Phil as he chats with the other man’s mother. He loves Kathryn dearly, always has. “Hi, Kath,” Dan laughs. “This is Dan, actually.”

“Dan!” She sounds genuinely pleased to hear it’s him. It makes Dan’s heart warm. He glances at Phil and finds him staring at him with a soft look. “How are you, love? It’s been too long since you’ve called, you know.”

Even as playful as the reprimand is, it makes Dan hang his head in real embarrassment. He actually does try to call her from time to time; there’s just some maternal comfort there that he doesn’t quite find with his own mum. “I know, sorry about that. It’s been rather hectic around here lately.” He glances up at Phil again, his lips twisted in silent question. He didn’t really know what all Phil told his mum about their situation, so he wasn’t really sure what he needed to say.

Phil just shrugs, then nods. His mother is already chattering away in Dan’s ear, giving away what she knows without hesitation. “-and he said you had the older one now, as well. Luke, was it?”

“Levi,” Dan corrects gently. “They’re all lovely kids, really sweet.”

Kathryn coos at this. “I’m so glad Phil and you finally sorted yourselves out. Can’t believe you managed to keep it from us for so long, though.” She laughs then, and Dan awkwardly follows. He very carefully does not meet Phil’s gaze. “I suppose I should ask about my son, while I’ve got you,” she says, her voice teasing.

Dan actually laughs at this, giving Phil a cheeky smile when he furrows his eyebrows. Reaching up unthinkingly, Dan brushes his thumb across Phil’s eyebrows, smoothing them out with gentle strokes. Phil smiles at him, tilting his head and nosing against Dan’s palm, prompting him to stroke his cheek instead. It’s weirdly intimate, but Dan doesn’t drop his hand. Instead, he answers Kathryn, his eyes focused on Phil’s face. “Well, he’s ill today, actually.”

“What’s wrong?” Kathryn’s voice has lost all humor and is coated with that distinct Mum Concern that she’s patented. “Is he alright?”

Phil must hear this, because he rolls his eyes, shifting back. Dan’s hand falls out of reach, and he laments the loss for a second. Only a second, because when Phil’s comfortable he drops his head to Dan’s shoulder, and yeah, that’s better. “He’s fine, I think. Had a migraine this morning and when I came home he had a fever.”

“Poor lamb,” Kathryn coos. Dan can’t tell how serious she is. Phil is a grown man, after all. “Did you get the temperature down?”

Dan nods before remembering she can’t see him. “I did, yeah. He hates me for it, but I reckon a cool bath won’t kill him.”

“It wasn’t cool, it was _freezing_ ,” Phil complains loudly.

Rolling his eyes, Dan’s about to respond when he hears Kathryn laugh. “Well, if he can complain about it, he must be feeling better.”

“He is, he’s just a baby,” Dan teases, mainly to see the adorable way it makes Phil glare at him. “Did you want to speak to him? I think he’s feeling well enough for me to hand the phone off.”

Phil gives him a pained look, but Dan grins, knowing already that Kathryn will say no.

“Oh, that’s alright. Let him rest, I can talk to him tomorrow. But love, do call me every now and again, yeah? And maybe visit soon?” She sounds so hopeful, and Dan knows already that he can’t say no to her.

He also can’t blindly promise he’ll do something like that, though, so instead he just makes a noncommittal noise. “Of course, Kath.”

“Tell Phil to get well soon, that’s an order. I love you both, Dan. Don’t forget about that visit.”

Dan laughs. “Sure thing. Love you too. Bye.”

After he’s hung up the phone, he sighs, leaning over to drop it on the nightstand before looking at Phil. He’s got a thoughtful look on his face, but his eyes aren’t meeting Dan’s. He decides to let that go for now. “You alright?”

Phil nods, his gaze refocusing and shifting to Dan’s. A small smile tugs at his lips as he drops his head back to Dan’s shoulder. “Thanks for talking to her for me. I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now.”

This makes Dan freeze a little. Of course, Phil needs to rest. Dan doesn’t need to sit in here keeping him from taking a nap. He slowly shifts, moving to climb off the bed, but then Phil’s arm is around his waist, holding him there tightly. “Not you, you don’t count,” he protests, rolling his eyes.

His heart and face warming, Dan settles back down, gingerly moving his arm to rest around Phil’s shoulder. Maybe he does this to play with Phil’s hair, but that’s his business.

They sit like that in silence for several long minutes. Phil eventually sighs contently and slowly pulls away, causing Dan’s hand to slip away from his hair. “How’re the kids?”

Dan then remembers that he promised to order them some takeout of their choice. “Hungry, probably,” he laughs, reaching for his phone to check for a message from Levi. “I told them to let me know what they wanted for dinner and I’d just order in tonight.”

**_Levi: twins said they want pizza_ **

**_Dan: are you good w that_ **

**_Levi: yep_ **

“Do you think you could eat some pizza?” Dan asks, glancing up at Phil after reading Levi’s message.

Phil’s nose scrunches up in distaste. “I’m not really hungry,” he admits.

Dan narrows his eyes. “What did you have for lunch?” Phil’s silence is all he needs to know that he hasn’t eaten at all today. “You have to eat something. I can order you some soup?”

“If I have to,” Phil pouts.

“You’re so whiny,” Dan teases, pulling up the website for their favorite pizza place on his phone.

Phil knocks his knee against Dan’s side gently. “Don’t bully me, I’m ill,” he protests weakly.

Dan smiles fondly. “Oh, you poor baby,” he simpers.

“Shut up,” Phil giggles, sticking his tongue out at Dan.

After getting some pizza and soup ordered, Dan texts Levi to let him know that the pizza was being delivered soon. “Do you think you’ll want to eat in here?”

Phil shakes his head. “I want to eat with you guys,” he says. He leans his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “I already feel like an invalid, I’d really like to eat dinner with my family.”

Dan frowns at the bitter tone in his voice. Leaning forward, he rests his cheek against Phil’s knee, his hand coming up to stroke his thigh gently, staring at the Game of Thrones logo there. “You’re not an invalid,” He murmurs. “You’re not well today, but that isn’t your fault.”

There’s a long pause, and Dan thinks Phil probably won’t respond. Then, there’s a hand in his hair, scratching at his scalp perfectly. “Thank you,” Phil breathes. “I… Yeah. Thanks, bear.”

With a smile, Dan tilts his head, pressing a kiss to Phil’s knee through the fabric of the sweatpants. “Anytime.”

~~~

After a sort of subdued dinner with the kids, Phil announces that he wants to watch a movie. Dan, quick to comply to any of Phil’s demands today, agrees easily. He’d watched Phil grow steadily frustrated as the kids constantly shot him worried looks, staying quieter than usual, per Dan’s request. He feels a little guilty for telling them that Phil was sick, but he knew they were just trying to do what they thought was right, and he appreciated that deeply.

Still, he could tell it was wearing on Phil.

“What movie do you wanna watch?” Dan asks him, standing to clear the table.

Phil shrugs. “Can we use that little mini projector we bought a few months ago?” He asks, sounding hopeful.

Dan thinks back to earlier this summer, when Phil surprised him with a mini projector for his birthday. Dan had a sneaking suspicion Phil just wanted it for himself but didn’t want to buy it for himself, so buying it for Dan was the compromise. They’d used it a few times, since it allowed them to be lazy and lay in bed while they shot it across the room to the wall opposite the bed, or even onto the ceiling. It was really a good investment, if he was being honest.

“Sure, bub. Do you guys wanna watch a movie with us in our room?” Dan asks the kids, glancing over at the table from where he’s begun stacking the dishes in the dishwasher.

Levi looks up from where he’d been gathering trash, a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. Before he has a chance to respond, though, Amelia beats him to it.

“Yes!” She cheers excitedly.

“What’re we watching?” Jaiden asks, tapping the table as he waits for the answer.

“That’s up to Dad, he’s the sick one,” Dan says with a shrug.

Phil snorts, whether at the casual way Dan calls him that or the fact that he’s being elected the decision maker based on his health status, Dan’s not sure. “We can watch Wall-E?” It’s a suggestion, but his voice lilts up nervously at the end like a question.

Dan pauses unintentionally, glancing over at him with a raised brow. He hadn’t seen the movie in a while, but back when they first met, when Dan first visited Phil at his parents’ house in Rawtenstall, they’d watched that movie and cried together. It’s still one of Dan’s fondest, unblemished memories of them.

“Sure, baby. We can watch Wall-E,” Dan murmurs softly, closing the dishwasher and setting it to run for a cycle. He moves over to the table, stopping behind Phil’s chair and wrapping his arms around his neck, leaning down and kissing his temple. It’s more affectionate than he’d usually allow himself to be with their current audience, but he’s feeling particularly fond today, especially with Phil being sick and letting Dan actually take care of him for once.

Phil’s hand comes up to stroke at Dan’s forearm, so Dan stays there for a moment, reveling in this rare moment of intimacy. It’s nice, he thinks to himself. “Levi?” Phil calls softly. “Would you like to come watch the movie with us?”

Levi glances over at them, looking away quickly. Dan gets a bitter feeling in his gut, something akin to guilt for making him uncomfortable with the PDA. When he goes to pull away, though, Phil tightens his grip. Dan stays.

“Er, I think I’ve got some homework I should probably do,” Levi excuses himself.

“Oh. Well, alright,” Phil says. He sounds disappointed. “Well, if you change your mind, you can always come join us, yeah?”

Levi nods vaguely before rising from his seat and gesturing to the stairs. “Yeah, sure. Can I go to my room?”

“Sure,” Dan answers, nodding. “If you need any help on your homework, let me know.”

The teen just nods before exiting to his room. Dan feels his stomach sink, disappointed that Levi still doesn’t feel like he’s part of their family. He tries to push that feeling away for now, turning to grin at the kids.

“Who’s ready for a movie night?”

~~~

The projector is fantastic, Dan thinks. They can settle it on one of their nightstands and point it to the wall and it’s just the perfect size. It connects to a phone, so Dan has it connected to his, keeping it on the charger while the movie plays. The twins were so excited when they realized it was a projector, and Dan honestly wished they could really make a movie night out of it and have popcorn. However, he was unwilling to make the bed after eating popcorn in it, and as much as he loved the kids, he didn’t trust them to not get popcorn crumbs and kernels in his clean sheets.

Still, he thinks they were thoroughly enjoying themselves. Amelia had wanted to be sat beside Phil, and Jaiden had pretty much crawled onto Dan’s lap the moment they got on the bed. It was comfortable and domestic, being squished together with his family on his bed. And the choice of movie had his eyes going a little misty every time he looked at Phil or thought back to that first weekend they spent together, when things were so unsure, and when he thought there was a chance that they might go in a different direction.

They never had, obviously. But Dan can’t say he regrets becoming Phil’s best friend, because that’s been one of the best things that’s ever happened to him. He has to say that fostering these kids is definitely competing with the top spot these days.

They’re probably less than half an hour into the movie when Dan catches movement out of the corner of his eye. Levi is hovering awkwardly at the door, like he’s unsure if he should come inside or not. Dan smiles at him, motioning for him to join them. “C’mon, there’s room for you too, bub.”

Levi offers him an embarrassed smile, glancing at the wall where the movie is being projected. “Sorry,” he whispers, coming closer. Phil glances over at him and smiles brightly. “I just… got kinda bored. Didn’t wanna be alone.”

“You don’t have to be alone, Levi. C’mere, we’ll move over so you can sit with us.” Dan turns to Amelia and pats her knee. “Mia, love, scooch over to sit in Dad’s lap, so Levi can come sit down.”

Amelia does as she’s told, scooting over and sitting atop Phil’s thighs. He moves to the edge of the bed, allowing Dan to scoot in beside him. Dan gets a little closer than is probably necessary, trying to give Levi as much room as possible, and also just to feel closer to Phil. As soon as they’re situated, Dan pats the bed.

Levi looks a little apologetic as he walks around to Dan’s side, settling himself on the bed and sitting a little stiffly beside him. Jaiden barely gives him a chance to get settled, crawling over to sit in Levi’s lap.

“Traitor,” Dan teases.

Jaiden giggles, sticking his tongue out at Dan. “Sorry, Daddy,” he chirps.

Dan scrunches his nose up with a smile. He watches as Levi settles a little more calmly, probably due to Jaiden’s presence in his lap giving him something to focus on other than feeling awkward about being in there in the first place.

Turning back to the movie, Dan spares a glance over at Phil. He’s already looking at Dan, but a soft smile melts onto his lips when their eyes meet. Dan feels that new familiar warmth blossom in his chest, and this time he lets it consume him, warming the tips of his ears and tingling in the pads of his fingers. To settle himself and ground that feeling, he lays his head on Phil’s shoulder. Phil’s head falls to rest against Dan’s, and it’s so, so nice.

“Still love this movie,” Phil whispers to Dan.

“Mhm. Me too.”

“Sleepy?”

“Mm. No. Just happy.”

Phil raises his head, tilting his face to look at Dan’s. Dan nearly laughs at the surprised smile there. “Good,” Phil says softly. He kisses the tip of Dan’s nose gently before settling his cheek back against the top of Dan’s head. “I’m glad you’re happy, bear.”

“Me too.”

It’s no surprise, really, that Amelia shushes them, but it is funny. They apologize profusely, which she reminds them is also distracting. Pretending to zip his lips, Dan settles back against Phil with a contented sigh and a warm chest.

~~~

When the movie ends, Dan accepts the snuggles that Jaiden and Amelia seem keen on giving him. Amelia wedges herself between he and Phil, wrapping an arm around Dan’s torso and shoving at Jaiden when he tries to join in. Dan tuts at her and she withdraws, although she doesn’t look particularly happy about it. Levi looks over at them, his mouth twisted like he wants to be mad about it but isn’t sure how.

“Can you tell us a story, Daddy?” Amelia asks, looking up at Dan with wide eyes.

He starts to protest, intending on telling her that it’s time for bed, but he catches the expectant look on Phil’s face and immediately caves. “Sure. What kind of story would you like to hear?”

Amelia shrugs, closing her eyes and settling in. “Dunno. Just make something up.”

Dan rolls his eyes fondly, his gaze falling to Jaiden. “Jai-bird? Any requests?”

He seems to consider it but shakes his head. “Just animals,” he says simply.

“Alright, I can work with animals.” He leans his head back, trying to think of a story idea. He liked to think he was alright at this part of the whole parenting thing, but he wasn’t actually positive about that, honestly. His gaze falls to Phil, who’s watching him with soft, half-lidded eyes. Suddenly, he’s got just the story. “So, once upon a time, there was a little bear. We’ll call him Bear, for now.”

Levi shifts on the bed then, distracting Dan a little. When he looks at him, though, Levi gestures for him to continue. Something about that, about Levi willingly spending time with them under objectively childish circumstances, really warms Dan’s heart.

“So, Bear was really lonely, and he lived in a cave all by himself. He had a family, but they lived in a different cave on a different mountain. One day, Bear decided to go out in the woods, and he found a stream. Beside the stream was a lion.” Dan purposefully avoids Phil’s attempt at making eye contact. He swallows hard. “We’ll call him Lion.”

“Lions don’t live in the woods,” Jaiden observes quietly.

Dan has to laugh at that, and even Phil lets out a chuckle. Leaning down, Dan kisses Jaiden’s hair. “Well, that’s why it was such a big deal for Bear to find Lion. Bear felt like he was all alone in the forest, but here was this other person- er, animal,” he corrects himself. “Who liked the same things. They liked the same berries, and games, and they even had a favorite star-leaf tree they would meet at to hang out.”

“Lions don’t eat berries,” Jaiden says solemnly.

“Jai, shut up,” Levi says good-naturedly, poking his brother in the back. “Dan’s trying to tell a story.” He grins at Dan, and Dan’s heart swells.

Jaiden lets out a long-suffering sigh, but gestures for Dan to continue.

“Well, don’t worry, Bear and Lion hunted together. They did everything together, actually. And so, there Bear was, thinking he was all alone in this big forest, but he realized that really, Lion was just like him.” Dan feels Phil’s head resting against his shoulder then, and he pauses, closing his eyes for a second and leaning his head against Phil’s. “One day, Bear decided he wanted to leave the forest, so he told Lion he wanted to move to the city.”

“The jungle, you mean,” Phil says quickly, saving the story when Dan is clearly slipping.

“Right, the jungle,” Dan nods. “So, Lion tells Bear that he doesn’t want him to leave, so Bear asks him to join. Lion agrees. They have lots of adventures on the trip, of course.” Dan rambles for a moment about the adventures, making it up as he goes. It doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, if Dan is being honest with himself, but if the kids have any sort of problem with it, they don’t say.

“So, Lion and Bear finally made it to the jungle, and after all that time, they decided they’d find themselves a little cave all by themselves, away from everyone else.” Dan is finally at the conclusion, and he can feel Amelia’s deep, even breaths against his chest. Jaiden doesn’t look to be that far from sleep himself. “They built their little home together in the jungle and lived happily ever after. The end.”

Jaiden blinks sleepily. “They love each other?” he asks, his words sort of slurred together at this point.

“Hm?” Dan asks.

“Lion and Bear,” Jaiden says, gesturing vaguely. “You said, “Happy ever after” and that’s a love story thing.”

“Not always,” Dan says, laughing awkwardly, hyper-aware of Phil pressed against his side.

Jaiden shrugs, closing his eyes. “’S okay. If they do.”

“Yeah,” Dan hums. “Yeah, that’s okay.” Before Jaiden can fully drift to sleep, Dan nudges him. “C’mon, bubby, time for bed.”

“I’ve got him,” Levi says, standing up and leaning back down to scoop his brother up.

“Thanks, Levi,” Dan says gratefully. He carefully scoots to the edge of the bed before leaning back in and cradling Amelia to his chest. His eyes catch Phil’s and the older man offers him a sweet smile. “I’ll be right back,” Dan whispers.

Phil nods, waving him off. “Take your time.”

Dan follows Levi down the hall, going to deposit Amelia on her bed when they’ve walked in the room. She makes a noise in her sleep, but Dan shushes her, and she quiets right back up, curling up in the bed immediately after he lays her down. He carefully lifts one of her little arms and tucks her favorite plushy, currently this is a stuffed elephant, under it, pulling the duvet up and tucking her in. “Night, love,” he breathes, kissing her hair.

He turns to do the same with Jaiden, only to find Levi sat on the edge of his bed, watching Dan carefully. Dan offers him a smile, unsure if Levi is upset by his displays of affection or just confused. “Do you always do that?” Levi asks, his voice quiet.

Bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, Dan shrugs. “I mean, most nights. Sometimes we swap, and Phil does that, but usually he wakes them up and I put them to bed.”

Levi nods, looking past Dan to his sister. “Our parents didn’t do that,” he whispers.

Dan’s heart stops. He’s sure of it. This is the first time Levi has been particularly open about their parents, and the twins had said next to nothing about their previous home life. Hazel had told him this sometimes happened when the children wished to repress memories. Levi being fifteen and therefore not in that repressive stage, Dan was surprised it had taken him this long to mention them.

“Yeah?” Dan says gently, trying to leave space for Levi to say anything if he wanted to.

“They didn’t tuck them in. I don’t even remember them ever tucking me into bed, either.” He swallows hard, his eyes slowly drifting over to Dan’s. “They definitely didn’t tell us stories and carry us to bed after a night of family bonding and watching movies.” His voice is bitter, and Dan tries not to take that personally.

“I’m sorry,” Dan murmurs. He steps over to sit carefully on the opposite end of the bed, giving Levi some space. “I hate that you and your brother and sister had that experience. I wish… I wish it didn’t happen.”

Levi shrugs, looking down at the floor and kicking a stuffed rabbit idly. “’S whatever. We’re here now, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”

Dan tries to phrase his next words carefully. “Well, something can hurt you more after it’s over than when it really happens. It’s kind of like being put to sleep for surgery. You may not be totally aware of what’s happening as it happens, but it hurts like a bitch when you wake up, right?”

There’s a surprised look on Levi’s face, probably at the swear, but he nods slowly. “Yeah. I guess.”

They sit there in silence for a moment, as Dan’s run out of wise things to say and is honestly a little afraid of waking up the twins with all the talking. “Well, it’s late, buddy. I think we should both head to bed.”

Levi nods, sparing a last look at his brother and sister before standing. “Okay,” he mumbles. He moves to hover by the door, and he waits there as Dan tucks in Jaiden and kisses his forehead, leaning down to pick up his bunny plushie and lay it next to him. When he steps out into the hall behind Levi, he finds him standing there with a thoughtful expression. “You’re not so bad, you know.”

Dan smiles at him. “I’m glad to hear that, actually. Sometimes I wonder.”

The teenager smiles and laughs quietly. “Night, Dan.”

“Goodnight. Sweet dreams, kiddo.”

~~~

Halloween comes in a flurry of decorating, pumpkin carving, and costume buying. Of course, with two small children whose minds changed every other day, it took longer than Dan thought it seriously needed to for them to decide on a costume. Finally, after much debate (mostly between the twins and Phil, who was much more invested in the decision making than Dan was) a decision was finally made.

“Daddy!” Amelia squeals from the bottom of the stairs.

“Yeah, love?” Dan is sat on his bed, folding clothes. He knew Phil had been upstairs with the kids after dinner watching a movie, but Dan had just wanted some quiet alone time. Doing laundry was the only excuse he could think of in the face of Phil’s pout when he asked Dan why he didn’t want to stay and cuddle.

Amelia comes bounding in his room, a grin on her face. “We picked our outfits!”

It takes him a second to remember what she’s talking about. “Oh! You decided on what you want to be for Halloween?”

She nods, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Guess what we’re gonna be!”

Phil walks in then, toting a sleepy looking Jaiden.

“We?” Dan asks, quirking his eyebrows at the older man and trying to keep the apprehensive look off his face.

Phil sees right through him, leaning against the wall and stroking Jaiden’s back gently. “They decided we should do a family costume.” He’s got a mischievous glint in his eye, and Dan’s already nervous as to why.

“Okay…” Dan says slowly, dropping the socks he’s just matched onto the bed and straightening his back, cringing when it pops. “What’re we gonna be?”

Phil grins. “You’re gonna love this, babe. Mia, tell him what you’re gonna be.”

She smiles so wide Dan’s surprised her little face doesn’t split. “Bulbasaur!”

Immediately, Dan bursts into fond giggles. “What? Really?” He glances up at Phil, who wears a mirrored expression.

“They’ve been playing Pokémon with Levi apparently.” He shrugs, but Dan can almost feel the excitement coming off him in waves.

“’m gonna be Squirtle,” Jaiden mumbles from where he’s nestled in Phil’s arms.

Dan nearly coos. “Aww.”

Amelia hops up on the bed then, climbing into Dan’s lap. “Are you excited?” She asks with wide eyes.

He nods with a bright smile. “I sure am! What are Phil and I going to be?”

She grins then, but the expression is so similar to the one Phil had made that it nearly knocks the breath out of Dan’s chest. “Well… Dad said he wanted to be Ash.”

Dan rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Of course he did.”

Phil sticks his tongue out. “Wait till you hear what they’ve decided you’ll go as.” He sounds almost giddy.

“Well?” Dan asks, looking down at Amelia, who looks ready to burst with her little secret. “What am I going as?”

“Pikachu!” She shouts, bursting into giggles immediately.

Dan stares at her, blinking slowly, before slowly swinging his gaze to Phil’s. “I’m… your sidekick?”

At this, Phil gasps. “A…sorry, a sidekick? Daniel! How could you? Pikachu is Ash’s best friend! His companion through life! Like… like…”

Rolling his eyes, Dan stands from the bed, hoisting Amelia up on his hip. “Like his actual soulmate?” Dan quirks an eyebrow.

Phil huffs. “Shut up.”

Dan walks past him, stopping to drop a kiss to his temple. “Yeah, alright. I’ll be your Pikachu. But don’t expect me to forget about this, Lester.”

There’s the sound of Phil breathing a laugh as they carry the twins to their room.

“I think you’ll be a good Pikachu, Daddy,” Amelia says sweetly when he lays her down in bed.

“Mhm. I’m sure.” He scrunches his nose up at her and she giggles. She holds her arms out for a hug, which he gladly obliges to. “I love you, sweetheart. Have sweet dreams.”

“Love you too, Pikachu.” She giggles hysterically when he shoots her a mock glare.

“Goodnight, Mia.”

“Night, Daddy.”

Phil is waiting to switch places as he’s already tucked Jaiden in, and as Dan moves past him, he reaches out and squeezes Phil’s hip. He receives a smile and a relaxed roll of the eyes, and it warms Dan’s heart.

“Hi, bubby,” Dan says softly when he sits on the edge of Jaiden’s bed.

“Hi,” Jaiden replies with a sleepy smile. “Are you excited to be Pikachu?”

Dan smiles and nods. “Wanna know a secret?” he whispers conspiratorially. Jaiden nods in excitement, so Dan leans in. “Pikachu’s my favorite. I’m pretty sure I already have a Pikachu costume somewhere.” In truth, the costume he’s speaking of is actually a onesie, and actually Phil’s, but Jaiden doesn’t have to know that.

“Really?” Jaiden says gleefully.

“Mhm. So, I’m well excited about Halloween. How about you?”

Jaiden nods. “I love Halloween. Dad said we’d go trick-or-treating!”

Dan smiles fondly, brushing Jaiden’s hair back with a nod. “That’s right, bud. We’re going trick-or-treating on Saturday night.”

The six-year-old smiles, looking down at his hands. “I’ve never been trick-or-treating before,” he admits quietly.

A lump grows in Dan’s throat, cutting his breath a little short. “Well,” he starts, stopping to clear his throat. “We’re going to have a lovely time trick-or-treating. Promise.”

Jaiden smiles, his eyelids already fluttering close. “Good,” he says quietly.

Dan leans down, pressing a kiss to Jaiden’s forehead. “I love you, Jai-bird.”

The boy doesn’t answer, probably already drifting into sleep. Dan makes sure his plushie is on his bed before standing, going to join Phil where he’s stood at the door, watching Dan with an affectionate smile.

“Levi in bed already?” Dan asks quietly as he pulls the door closed behind him.

Phil nods. “He went to bed when we came downstairs.”

“He okay?”

“Mm. Yeah, I think so. We asked if he wanted to dress up as Charmander and he said he’d think about it. I don’t think he wants to go trick-or-treating with us, to be honest with you.”

Sighing, Dan shrugs. “That’s fine. We can’t make him go.”

Phil makes a noncommittal noise. “We’ll talk to him about it, see what he wants to do.”

Dan nods, leading the way into their room. He starts clearing the laundry off the bed, rolling his eyes as Phil spreads himself on his side, moving the piles of clothes to Dan’s side rather than putting them away. “You could help me put those away, you know.”

“I could, but you’re doing such a great job, I think I’ll just leave you to it.” Phil smiles cheekily.

Propping his hand on his hip, Dan quirks an eyebrow at him. “You know most of this is yours, right?”

Phil glances around at the clothes spread around him. He can’t even deny it, since all of it is far too brightly colored to be Dan’s. “Well, I dunno…” He trails off, plucking a familiar green piece from the neatly folded pile near Dan’s pillow. Phil unfolds it, much to Dan’s chagrin. “I think you wear this one more than me, don’t you reckon?”

Dan glares. “No,” he mumbles. A lie.

Phil smiles at him, a soft, fond thing. “C’mere.”

Against his will, but not really, Dan shuffles forward, allowing Phil to pull him in closer with a hand gripped on the front of his shirt. Phil pulls him until he’s got no choice but to sit on the bed, pressed flush against Phil’s thighs. Dan watches as Phil spreads the bottom of the hoodie open, bunching the fabric up in his hands.

“Arms up,” he says softly, blue eyes prompting Dan to obey.

Phil tugs the hoodie over Dan’s head, helping him push his arms through before tugging the fabric down on his torso. With the offensively bright fabric wrapping Dan up in that nostalgic embrace, he feels a little careless, a little happy, and a lot emotional. “Thanks,” he whispers, his eyes still locking with Phil’s.

A hand comes up to brush his curls back into something a little neater, and Dan can’t help but reach up and catch that hand when it falls away. Phil watches him as Dan carefully guides Phil’s hand up to his jaw, leaning into the feeling when Phil gently begins stroking his cheek with his thumb. The air is static around them, and Dan’s certain his heart is about to burst completely out of his chest with the way the tension in the air is squeezing his ribcage.

He doesn’t mean to do it. At least, he doesn’t plan on it, exactly.

One moment he’s sitting there, staring at his best friend, and the next thing he knows, he’s leaned in, brushing his lips tentatively against Phil’s. There’s a shaky exhale released against his mouth, but then there’s fleeting pressure. It’s gone and it’s back and Dan’s eyes flutter as Phil hesitates.

Dan’s veins are thrumming. He feels like his whole body is set on vibrate with all the tension there, bubbling under the surface as he waits for the other shoe to drop. Will he or won’t he, will he or won’t he, will he-

And Dan doesn’t _actually_ think that he will, of course. They’re best friends, and Dan is starting to feel things he’d long ago buried, but he doesn’t seriously think that Phil will kiss him.

He’s wrong.

For all his delaying, Phil finally just commits, his other hand coming up to cup Dan’s neck as he fully frames Dan’s lips with his own. Dan is shattering into a million pieces and being put back together all at once, and his hands can’t help but reach out and touch. They fall to Phil’s arms, but it’s enough contact for Dan to feel warmth spread through his chest. His head swims for some sort of explanation or some sort of way out, and he’s shushing that part as he tries to take this moment just to feel something.

And what he feels are Phil’s lips, softer than his own (“because you bite yours _constantly_ ,” says a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Phil’s), pressing and pulling all at once. Dan can’t do much more than make a feeble attempt at copying that pressure, but he feels more pliant than anything. He thinks maybe he’s still a little in shock, his mind both racing and taking a slow-motion film of this moment, of Phil gently, gently pressing their lips together once more before letting out a short breath against Dan’s mouth.

“Dan.” He sounds choked.

“What?” Dan whispers. If he tilted his head just a little, he could kiss Phil again. God, _again_ … the word sounds so bizarre in his head now.

“I… I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

Phil’s off the bed before Dan can even respond, headed for the bathroom and shutting the door. The lock slides into place in the deafening silence of the room, and all Dan can do is stare.

What the fuck just happened?

~~~

“Phil? C’mon, please come to bed.” Dan’s been sat outside the bathroom door for no less than an hour, quietly imploring that Phil come out and at least sleep in their bed. He’d like to also discuss what just happened, considering the fact that about five minutes after Phil locked himself in the bathroom Dan burst into tears, but he knows that for right now, that can probably wait.

For the first time since he sat down here, he hears a noise on the other side of the door. He scrambles to his feet when he hears the sound of the lock sliding out of place. When the door opens, he comes face-to-face with Phil, stood there with red-rimmed eyes and his contacts replaced with his glasses. He’s staring at the ground, avoiding Dan’s gaze entirely.

“Excuse me,” he whispers, inching past Dan like if they touch it might burn his skin.

Dan shifts out of the way, staring at Phil in complete surprise. This is not what he expected. At all. That being said, Dan has no clue how to react. “Er… Phil?” He decides on a whim to just go for it, straight for the elephant in the room.

Phil is climbing into bed on his side, rolling over to face the door, his back to Dan. “What?”

Slowly, so he doesn’t startle him, Dan gently settles himself on his own side of the bed. “Do… Could we maybe… Talk about what happened?”

Dan’s watching him so closely that when Phil takes in a shuddering breath, he nearly jumps. His chest tightens, and his breathing comes a little harder as the guilt starts to settle in. He’s messed up this time. Like, really.

“I… Soon? Just… not tonight.” Phil’s voice cracks.

Dan swallows hard. “Right. Okay.” He stares at Phil’s shoulder. “Do you want me to sleep somewhere else?”

“No!” Phil sounds positively wounded by the very idea. “I just… I need some time to process what just happened.”

Trying to guard the floodgates in his eyes, Dan nods. “Okay.” He lays down, a little stiffly, staring up at the ceiling. He’s well aware of the valley of space between them, but even breathing too heavily that his chest expands just a little closer to Phil makes Dan’s skin crawl with guilt. He stays as perfectly still as he can, trying to focus on anything other than the fact that the person next to him was his best friend an hour ago and is now his best friend who he’s kissed. It makes his head spin.

So instead, he thinks about the laundry he’d shoved on the floor to climb into bed. He thinks about the lamp that he needs to turn off to cast the room into the darkness it takes for both of them to really properly go to sleep. He tries not to think about the fact that he just kissed his best friend. He thinks about ordering the twins their Halloween costumes. He thinks about the ring on his finger, heavy where his hand rests against his chest. He doesn’t think about the feeling of Phil’s lips against his own.

He’s not thinking about it. He’s not.

His ring feels like it’s suffocating him. He leans to the side, flicks the lamp off. After a moment of thought, he gently tugs the silver band off his finger for the first time in months, dropping it onto the nightstand with a little _clink_.

Funnily enough, it does nothing to ease burning in his throat.

He almost thinks he hears, or rather feels, Phil’s breath hitch, but then the room goes quiet and still again and he’s no longer sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! <3 <3


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more parenting adventures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update guys!! I'm so sorry, I've been busy at work all day :( but i hope you guys enjoy!!!

The next couple of days are a little rough. Dan gets almost no sleep and he can tell by the way Phil nurses several cups of coffee every morning that he’s feeling the sleep deprivation as well. At this point Dan knows that what happened was a mistake, as Phil obviously regrets it. He’s not sure how to initiate a conversation about it yet, so instead they go through the motions of the day, trying to be as normal as possible. 

On Thursday Dan decides something needs to change. He can’t keep going to sleep and waking up with a foot of space between them, and he definitely can’t deal with the idea of the kids catching on to the weird vibe of their behavior. And since he lacks class when it comes to things like this, Dan addresses it in the least subtle way possible. 

“We probably shouldn’t have kissed the other night and I’m sorry we did. But things are really weird between us now and I want that to end.” Dan lets out the words in a rush, almost choking on them. 

Phil stares at him from where he’s sat on the side of the bed, staring down at his phone. His mouth gapes like a fish out of water, but no words come out. 

“Can you please say something, so we can go back to the way things were? I miss my best friend.” 

There’s a long moment of silence and Dan’s almost positive Phil is going to ignore him. Instead, he sighs. “Alright.” 

Dan’s heart skips. “Yeah?” 

Phil nods slowly. “Yeah. It’s not fair of me to punish you for my mistake.” He says the word like it’s a swear, and Dan feels his stomach twist nervously. 

“We need to just leave that whole thing behind us. Water under the bridge, right?” 

“Sure.” Phil nods. 

Dan is only slightly relieved. The energy is still shifted, still not quite the energy they had before, and Dan doesn’t know how to get that back. He sits on the bed beside Phil and stares down at the floor. He’s on a loop in his head, desperately trying to think of something to say to fix this. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispers. 

Phil sighs heavily beside him. His hand reaches out, hovers over Dan’s thigh, but then he retracts it. “It’s not your fault.”

“Feels like it.” The stones in his chest have him convinced of this. 

“It’s not.”

They sit in silence then, at a complete impasse. Dan doesn’t know what to say, but he feels weirdly... hurt. He has no right to be, as obviously Phil doesn’t want him like that, but he thought that maybe... 

“Dan?” 

Dan’s gaze flickers up at the sound of his name, finding Levi stood awkwardly in the doorway. He looks uncomfortable, and Dan’s stomach drops, hoping he hasn’t heard much. Levi doesn’t look particularly confused or shocked, but there’s a nervous energy to him that settles Dan’s fear. 

“Hey, dude. What’s up?” He cringes after he’s said this. Trying to be the cool parent doesn’t work for him, apparently. 

“Can I... Is it okay if I talk to you guys about something?” Levi asks, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt. 

Phil answers for them. “Of course.” He gestures for Levi to come into their room. 

Levi comes in, and awkwardly leans against the curving wall that Dan loves so much. “It’s- well, I kind of have a question. Sort of.” 

“Okay,” Dan says easily. He tries to offer an encouraging smile but with the awkward tension in the room he’s not sure it comes across right. 

“Well... There’s, um... I got invited to this party on Friday, and you can say no! But-“ 

“Who’s going?” Phil asks easily, leaning back on his hands. Dan tries not to watch him do this, instead focusing on Levi’s fidgeting. It reminds him of himself, weirdly enough. 

“Charlotte,” Levi says immediately. His cheeks fill with color then, and he looks away, much to Dan’s personal delight. 

Clearing his throat before he speaks so he doesn’t laugh, Dan says, “I assume this is you asking if you can go?” 

Levi looks embarrassed but nods. “Yeah...”

Dan glances at Phil. Despite the awkwardness of the week’s events, they can still read each other like an open book. Phil shrugs so Dan turns to Levi to give him permission. “You can go, but you have to keep your phone on you.”

“And no drinking,” Phil adds. Dan bites his lip at this. He thinks it’s a little unrealistic to expect that from a teenager, but he won’t correct Phil. “And I’d like it if you’d check in with us during the night, so we can make sure you’re safe.” 

Levi nods, his shoulders relaxing with what must be relief. “Okay.” 

“Was that all?” Dan asks, not unkindly. 

The teenager hesitates but nods his head. “Yeah, that was it.” He turns around to leave, but hovers in the doorway for a minute of uncertainty. Turning to the side, he glances at them with a small smile. “Thank you.”

Dan smiles back. “You’re welcome.” 

He leaves with a quiet “goodnight” and the room is back to being filled with silence. The twins are already in bed, so Dan doesn’t even have the excuse of going to tuck them in. Instead he goes to find some pajamas and brush his teeth. Once he’s finished in the bathroom, he comes out to find Phil already lying in bed, typing on his phone. When Dan slides under the duvet on his side of the bed, the typing stops, and Phil’s phone locks. 

“Are you upset?” Phil asks quietly. 

Dan rolls over to look at him. “No. Are you?”

Phil shakes his head. “No.”

Nodding, Dan tries to come up with something else to say. “Nice.” 

It’s awkward again, and he hates it, but he has no idea how to remedy it now. He wants to touch Phil, but it feels like the boundaries have shifted, and he’s no longer sure that he’s allowed to. Without overthinking it too much, Dan rolls over until he can turn off his lamp, casting the room into darkness, before rolling back to face Phil’s figure again. 

Phil sighs, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “Is this going to be the way things are now? Did we just make everything awkward forever?” 

Dan thinks this over for a moment before responding. It’s not like he has all the answers here either, he wants to say. He’s still just as confused about their kiss as Phil probably is, although he’s more confused about why he wishes they could do it again. 

Alright, so maybe he’s not that confused about that. But he needs a minute to process what that means, what it really means, to have feelings for his best friend. 

“I don’t think so,” he finally answers, remembering Phil asked a question. “At least, I hope not.”

Phil nods. “Am I allowed to cuddle you?” His voice is small. 

“Yeah,” Dan breathes, relieved that this is one thing that won’t be taken away from him. 

He expects Phil to turn towards him, as they usually do, so seeing Phil turn the other way startles him a little. He’s not sure if this is an invitation or a request to be left alone, so he stays perfectly still until further instruction. 

“Can you be the big spoon?” Phil whispers into the dark. 

Dan swallows hard. “Yeah, of course.”

He inches forward slowly, and gently wraps his arm around Phil’s waist. He tucks his knees in behind Phil’s and is careful not to breathe too much on his neck. “Is this okay?” 

“Yes,” Phil murmurs. “Thank you.” 

Dan wants to drop a kiss to his shoulder, but he knows better now. “Of course.” 

“I’m sorry for what I did.” 

“Don’t be.” 

There’s a stretch of silence, filled only by the sound of their breathing evening out to match. “Goodnight, Danny.”

With the lightest pressure, Dan drags his lips across the crown of Phil’s head. “Goodnight.”

~~~

By Friday evening, things have settled into something a little more tolerable. Dan is still trying to adjust his thoughts and feelings towards his best friend into something more appropriate but now that he knows they exist it’s like they won’t shut up. Every glance, every accidental or intentional touch, has him tripping over his words as if he’s a schoolgirl with a crush. Which is ridiculous, as that’s certainly not what is happening here. Just, in this setting and with this pretend life, his emotional wires have gotten crossed and- okay so maybe that’s bullshit he feeds himself in bed at night as he tries to convince himself that his heart isn’t squeezing when Phil nuzzles his chest in his sleep. 

So maybe he’s completely fucked. 

He tries not to dwell on that while he continues with his life. After all, with three kids to take care of now he hardly has time to have a crisis over whether or not he has feelings for his best friend. 

When they’ve already had dinner, Dan is waiting in the kitchen while Levi goes to get ready to leave for the night. Apparently, the person throwing the party has offered to let Levi spend the night there, which Dan and Phil have agreed to under the assumption that he’ll make smart choices and call if he needs them. Levi’s aware of these rules and has agreed to them, although Dan reckons a teenager would agree to anything to be allowed to go to a party with the “cool” kids. 

“And he didn’t even turn his mic off! He just kept rambling about this infection over a Selena Gomez song, to the whole frickin’ radio!” Phil is in the middle of one of his stories from what sounds like an eventful day at work and Dan is leaned against the counter watching fondly as Phil rambles. He’s beyond glad that they’ve made it back to a point where they can just talk about their day and bant, but there are the moments, the intimate, quiet moments, that have seemingly shifted. 

“Mhm,” Dan hums, to prove that he’s listening, although a little half-heartedly. 

“It was just...” Phil sighs dramatically, glancing over at Dan from where he’s stood filling up the dishwasher. “Annoying, honestly.” 

“Sounds like it,” Dan says drily. 

Before Phil can dive into another story, Levi walks in, a bag slung over his shoulder. He’s shifting his weight between his legs awkwardly, like he’s not sure where to stand. 

Dan smiles at him. “Ready to go?” He asks, pushing away from the counter and grabbing his keys. 

Levi nods. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and call us if you need us for any reason,” Phil reminds him in a firm voice. He sounds just on the verge of worried, but he’s managing a relatively relaxed expression. 

“Yep, got it,” Levi says, nodding. He’s probably annoyed that they keep reminding him of these things, but hopefully he realizes it’s just out of concern for him, and not due to any lack of trust.

“Okay. Well, have fun,” Phil says, looking to be at a loss for what else to say. He then turns to look at Dan, his face shifting into something softer. “Drive safe. I’ll see you when you get back.” 

Dan nods. He’s close enough that he could lean forward just a little to press a kiss to Phil’s temple, but he’s not going to. That doesn’t feel like a safe line to cross anymore. “I’ll be back soon,” he says, lifting his hands in an awkward two finger salute. 

Phil smiles and nods, waving them out of the kitchen. Dan stops to pull his jacket on and then they’re out the door and on their way to his car. Levi is typing on his phone and Dan forces himself to not be nosy, humming to himself in an attempt to appear indifferent. He knew how annoying it was to be a teenager in need of privacy, and to be thrown into Levi’s situation of having such a strenuous hold on said privacy couldn’t be easy. Dan tries to remind himself to give Levi space whenever he feels like being a little nosy, knowing that’s probably doing more harm than good. 

The drive isn’t particularly long, but Dan finds himself feeling nervous the closer they get. In an effort to settle his anxieties about allowing Levi to go to a party, he does the one thing he knows he’s good at: asking about what he’s packed. 

“Do you have your charger?” Dan asks, keeping his tone neutral so as not to sound like the helicopter parent Phil teases him for being. 

“Yeah,” Levi responds, not glancing away from the window. 

Dan nods, relieved that at least some part of his anxiety is settled. “And you know the people who are going to be here, right?” 

Levi sighs. “Yes.” 

“Okay.” Dan tries not to feel guilty for asking, even as he knows that it probably makes him seem really annoying. He’s hoping that’s not what Levi thinks as he slows to a stop in front of the address he’d been led to by the GPS. “Here we are,” he says as cheerfully as he can manage. 

“Alright, thanks.” Levi is quick to grab his bag and reach for the handle. Dan’s chest squeezes suddenly. 

“Levi?” When the boy turns back around, Dan offers him a sheepish smile. “I know you’re tired of hearing this, but please be safe, and call me if you need anything, okay?” He sounds almost desperate at this point. The idea that this was a mistake is clawing at his brain and he’s trying to push it away, but it’s almost impossible. 

Luckily, Levi doesn’t seem too bothered. He offers Dan a small smile and nods. “Yeah, I will.” 

“Okay,” Dan says, allowing himself to take a breath. “Make good choices and have fun.” 

Levi rolls his eyes but climbs out of the car, waving as he turns to walk up the driveway to the house. Dan scans the windows and doesn’t see very many people milling about. That does wonders for his anxiety, as he knows how these sorts of things tend to go. The more people there are, the more likely something will go wrong. 

He waits until Levi is inside before heading home, his head swirling with a million things that could go wrong. He manages to quiet those thoughts with the reassurance that Levi was a smart kid, who would make smart decisions and wouldn’t intentionally betray their trust. He hoped he was right. 

~~~

The rest of the night is a fairly quiet one after Dan returns home. The twins insist on watching a movie upstairs with them and Dan can’t exactly say no to that. He finds himself on the sofa beside Phil, with more space between them than he’d like. He tries to distract himself from thinking about it, focusing instead on the plot of Big Hero 6. 

It turns out this doesn’t do him any favors either because ten minutes in and he’s already crying, knowing what’s about to happen. He tries to hide it from Phil, sniffling during the louder scenes and subtly wiping at his eyes. He’s fully convinced that he’s gone unnoticed until he feels a hand on his knee. He glances over to find Phil studying him with a worried crease in his brows. 

“Come here,” he murmurs, opening his arms for Dan to fit himself in between. 

Helpless to his own emotional state, Dan presses closer to him, accepting the warmth of Phil’s embrace as he snuggles against his chest. Phil allows him to get comfortable, wrapping an arm around Phil’s waist and resting his head against his shoulder. It’s not going to be comfortable throughout the whole film, but it’ll do for now. 

“Are you okay?” Phil whispers to him. 

Dan nods. “Yeah,” he breathes. “This movie just makes me sad.” 

Phil hums, his hand coming up to run through Dan’s curls. “I know, bear,” he says softly. 

They sit like that for a while, until Dan can no longer stand the nervous energy in his own veins. “This is okay, right?”

There’s a fleeting press of lips to his forehead before Phil responds. “Yeah, this is okay.” 

Reassured now, Dan settles into the cuddle and focuses entirely on the movie, glancing at the twins every once in a while to see if either of them have fallen asleep. At some point, Phil begins shifting, and Dan extracts himself, a little panicked. 

Phil doesn’t seem to approve of this. “No, no, you’re fine. Come here.” 

“You don’t seem very comfortable,” Dan observes quietly. 

Phil shrugs, gesturing for Dan to come closer. “I’m fine, my back just hurts a little.”

Dan frowns at this. “Do you need to lay down?” 

“I wanna stay up here and finish the movie,” Phil says quietly. 

“You can. Hold on, let me-“ Dan cuts himself off, standing up and gesturing for Phil to lay down. 

He stares up at Dan incredulously. “Where will you sit?” He sounds offended. 

Dan rolls his eyes, trying to hide the fact that Phil’s desire to be close to him is currently spreading warmth through his chest. “Just lay down, okay?” 

Phil seems a little wary but does as he’s asked. He looks relieved now that he’s lying on his back rather than sitting up, but he glances up at Dan curiously. Dan smiles at him before settling on the floor in front of the sofa, leaning back against it and watching the movie again. 

“I feel bad now,” Phil whispers to him. 

Dan cranes his neck to look over at Phil, who’s staring at him with an almost hurt look in his eyes. “Don’t,” Dan whispers back. “Your old bones have to rest, but I’m fine sitting here.” He grins. 

Phil frowns at the old joke, but then his gaze shifts into something more thoughtful. Dan drags his eyes away, determined to not make things weird again. A hand falls into his hair a minute later, carding through the curls gently. “You should get up here with me,” he murmurs. 

Dan doesn’t look back at him as he replies. “Not enough room, bub.” 

There’s a beat of silence before Phil finally speaks again. “I could use a blanket.” 

This time, Dan does look at him, arching his eyebrows questioningly as he does. “I’m not your maid, Phil.” He’s only half-kidding; if Phil says he really needs it, Dan will absolutely go find the fluffy blanket they both love so much. 

“No, but you’re right here.” Phil chews on his lip as he waits for a reply. When Dan doesn’t speak, Phil reaches out and tucks a curl behind his ear. “Please?” 

Dan thinks he knows what Phil’s asking for, and he wants to, obviously, but he’s not sure, after everything that happened the other day, that they’re allowed to do this. “Are you sure?” 

Phil nods. “Yeah. I just...” he trails off, glancing up at the ceiling. “I need a cuddle.” 

And of course, Dan’s helpless to those words. “Fine,” he sighs, pretending that this inconveniences him. He’s certain Phil can see right through that, but he doesn’t comment as Dan stands up from the floor. “How do you want me?” 

Phil quirks an eyebrow up at this, smirking. 

“Shut up, you know what I meant,” Dan huffs, feeling the flush of heat spread across his face. 

“I do,” Phil says with a giggle. He pats his chest then. “I want you right here.” 

Dan shifts awkwardly. “I’m kinda heavy,” he warns. 

Phil rolls his eyes. “I know, that’s kinda the point. Come on, we’re missing the film.” 

Trying not to draw any more attention to himself and Phil, Dan maneuvers himself onto the sofa, kneeling between Phil’s legs. Phil opens his arms invitingly as Dan carefully lays his body on top of Phil’s, holding himself above him, leaving an inch or so of space between their chests. Phil rolls his eyes at this and wraps his arms around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against his body. Dan can’t help but smile at this, snaking his arms around Phil’s waist to rest under his back. He feels one of Phil’s legs settle atop his, as one of his hands resumes carding through Dan’s hair. It’s more pleasant than Dan even thought it would be, and he sighs contently as he rests his cheek against Phil’s chest. 

“Good?” Phil murmurs. 

Dan nods. “Mhm, best snuggle ever.” He feels the vibrations of Phil’s chest when he laughs, and his smile only grows at that. 

“You’re like a very talkative blanket,” Phil observes quietly. He squeals when Dan pinches him. “Dan!”

“Shh, I’m trying to watch a movie,” Dan whispers, just to be an ass.

Phil makes a huffing noise but goes back to stroking Dan’s hair softly and languidly. They watch the movie in relative silence after that, but Dan’s so comfortable he finds himself drifting in and out of sleep for a while. When the film is finally over, Phil calls his name softly. “Dan, wake up.” 

“‘M awake.” 

“Mhm. Come on, get up. We’ve gotta take the kids to bed.” Phil’s voice is like honey, and Dan’s eyes are already closing again. “Dan.” 

“Mhm?” 

Phil sighs heavily. There’s a moment of peace and Dan thinks he’s finally gotten his way and maybe they’re just going to take a nap here, but then he feels pressure on his neck. He squirms involuntarily, barely muting a (manly) scream at the touch. Phil doesn’t relent, so Dan has no choice but to squirm away, panting by the time he’s holding himself up above Phil. Phil waggles his fingers at him with a grin. “Wakey, wakey,” he chirps. “I’ll tickle you again if you go back to sleep,” he threatens. 

“Ugh,” Dan groans, thumping his forehead against Phil’s chest once. “You’re the worst.” 

“You love me,” Phil replies easily. 

Dan sends him a look but doesn’t argue. 

After disentangling themselves, they each tote one of the twins downstairs, tucking them into bed. Jaiden doesn’t stir at all, but Amelia fusses just a little when Phil goes to leave. He shushes her gently before kissing her forehead, murmuring to her until she settles back down. Dan watches this from the doorway, a deeply fond feeling in his chest. As Phil makes his way to the door, he drags his knuckles across Dan’s hand. 

“Bed?” He asks quietly. 

“Yeah,” Dan agrees softly. 

Their hands brush as they make their way to their bedroom, and Dan tries to quell the nervous swirling in his stomach. He knows it’s not intentional, and he knows that beyond that, nothing will even come of it. And yet, he still feels a little shock go up his arm with every accidental brush. 

They head into their bedroom and Phil takes to the bathroom first, so Dan takes it upon himself to find them both some pajamas. After tugging his own on, he grabs the emoji pajama pants and a t-shirt he’d chosen for Phil, making his way into the bathroom. 

Phil’s stood in front of the mirror, going through his face washing routine, squinting at his reflection. Dan drops the clothes onto the countertop and reaches across Phil to get his toothbrush. “Don’t forget to take your medicine,” Phil reminds him softly, leaning down to rinse his face off. 

Dan rolls his eyes at the way Phil clenches his eyes shut, his hands patting the counter in an attempt to find a towel. Dan takes pity on him and places it in his hand, going back to brushing his teeth while Phil finishes up. It’s quiet as they finish their nightly routine together, only interrupted by the occasional running water and the sound of Dan’s pill bottle rattling when Phil takes it upon himself to fish Dan’s medicine out for him. 

“Are these for me?” Phil asks, pointing to the pajamas. 

“Yeah,” Dan nods, popping the tablet in his mouth and reaching for the cup they keep by the sink. Phil undresses right then and there, which isn’t something Dan hasn’t seen before, obviously, but it’s something he suddenly pays more attention to. He tries not to watch as Phil tugs his shirt off, and when he reaches for the button of his jeans, Dan looks away, his face hot. He swallows his medicine down before tidying up, tucking away everything that Phil left out on the counter. 

Dan glances back at Phil again to find him tugging on the pajama bottoms, totally unaware of Dan’s gaze. That somehow makes Dan feel even creepier, so he clears his throat before turning to head back into their room. “Don’t leave your clothes on the floor,” he reminds Phil as he steps out. 

Phil mumbles a response back, probably an agreement, but Dan knows that Phil will likely leave his clothes on the floor anyway. 

Dan is waiting in bed, his lamp already turned off and his phone already plugged in, when Phil comes back into their room. The only light is the soft glow from Phil’s lamp, and he clicks it off before he climbs in bed. There’s the sound of his glasses being placed on his nightstand followed by the mattress shifting with his weight as he joins Dan. He tugs at the blanket that Dan’s only just realized is wrapped more thoroughly around himself. 

“Dan,” Phil sighs, exasperated. “Give me- _Dan_.” He whines. 

“Sorry,” Dan can’t help but giggle as he relinquishes some of his covers. 

Phil’s grumbling something about Dan not even needing the blanket because of his ridiculously high body temperature, and that draws an even wider smile on Dan’s lips. He waits until Phil’s settled before scooting closer, hesitantly. He prods at Phil’s chest to get his attention. “What?” Phil mumbles sourly. 

“Cuddle?” Dan requests softly. 

He can just barely see the shine of Phil’s eyes as he opens them, casting his glance to Dan. He squints his eyes, as if he’s actually considering refusing. Dan pouts. “Yeah, alright. Come here, then,” Phil sighs, opening his arms.

Dan gleefully scoots closer and snuggles against Phil’s side, shifting until he’s got his head pillowed on Phil’s chest, an arm flung over his torso. He finds comfort in the way Phil wraps his arm around him instantly, and the fact that they didn’t lose this intimacy warms him from the inside out. “Night,” he murmurs against Phil’s shirt.

Phil pats his head affectionately. “Night, bear.”

~~~

There’s a sound drumming against Dan’s brain, consistent with intermissions that don’t last long enough for any relief to be had. It continues, loud in the silence of his barely-dreaming mind. He groans when it doesn’t stop, throwing an arm out as if he can simply knock the sound into submission. It stops, thankfully, and he actually thinks maybe it’s worked.

He’s slipping again, but there it is, once more. He groans, fully pulled from whatever dream he’d been in, rolling over to reach for what he’s now identified as his ringing phone. He squints in the otherwise dark room, staring at the caller ID for a moment that lacks comprehension, but as soon as he registers the name, he’s quick to answer it.

“Levi?” Dan mumbles, sleepily. “You okay?” There’s what sounds like muffled music blasting in the background, but Dan strains to focus on the sound of heavy breathing. “Levi,” he says once more, sitting up. The action causes Phil to stir, his arm falling away from where it had wound up wrapped around Dan’s waist.

“Mmh?” Phil mumbles, clearly still half-asleep. His hand searches blindly until he grips Dan’s hip, squeezing weakly. Dan shushes him gently as he hears something on the other end of the phone call.

“Dan,” Levi says. He sounds sick. “I, uh…” Something’s off about his voice, Dan notes. “I might need you to come get me.”

His words slur together, and Dan gets a sinking feeling in his chest. Levi is very obviously drunk. He takes a slow, deep breath in, trying not to let his temper get the best of him. He’s not even actually mad, he doesn’t think. He’s just worried.

“Okay. Stay there, I’ll be there soon.”

Levi at least has the decency to sound guilty when he whispers a small, “Thank you,” into the phone.

Dan hangs the phone up, sighing as he rubs his eyes a little more harshly than necessary. He startles when he feels an arm wrapping around his waist, a cold nose nudging against his arm. “Where’re you goin?” Phil slurs, sleepily.

Sighing, Dan pets his hair before gently separating himself. “I’ve gotta go pick Levi up. It’s fine, just go back to sleep, babe.”

Phil doesn’t seem to like this, and he blinks up at Dan, an adorable pout on his lips. “Are you okay to drive?”

“I’m fine. I’m plenty awake now. Just go to sleep. I’ll be back in a bit.” He moves off the bed to a soft protest, the chill in the air nearly convincing him to slide back into their warm cocoon of blankets. Nearly.

He moves around their room, exchanging his pajamas for a pair of sweats and a hoodie. And maybe it’s Phil’s York hoodie, but he’s practically still asleep, he’ll never know. After collecting his phone and shoving his feet into a pair of slippers, he stops by the bed, leaning down and dropping a kiss to Phil’s temple. He stirs, just a little, but Dan shushes him and backs away before he can properly respond.

Dan is trying to control his irrational anger the whole drive to the house he’d dropped Levi off at only hours ago, but it’s not easy. He knows it’s a lot to expect for a teenager in his position to be perfectly well behaved all the time, but it makes him feel guilty that he’d done something they’d very specifically asked him not to, so soon after moving in with them.

He’s managed to reign in his annoyance by the time he pulls up outside of the house, his gaze immediately falling to a huddled figure on the front steps. It’s Levi, his arms wrapped around his knees, pulled tight to his chest, as he stares down at the ground. Dan’s heart aches at the sight. He already knows he can’t go too hard on him tonight, not with him looking so guilty.

With a sigh, he puts the car in park, leaving it to idle as he opens the door. “Levi?” He calls.

Levi’s head immediately snaps up, finding Dan’s gaze with red-rimmed eyes. He stands, shuffling forward a few steps before turning back around, grabbing something from the steps. Dan sees from here that it’s his bag, and he climbs back behind the steering wheel as he waits for Levi to get in.

The heating is blasting as Levi settles into the passenger seat, looking as if he’s about to be sick. Dan watches him warily, unsure if he should bother moving the car at all yet. After a long, awkwardly silent moment, Levi leans back, his eyes closing. “Sorry,” he whispers.

Dan shakes his head, trying to clear any knee-jerk reaction born out of anger or disappointment. He drives away from the house, a terse silence settling over them. After several moments, Dan breaks the quiet. “You’re drunk.” It’s not a question.

When Dan glances at him, Levi’s got a hand wrapped tightly around his seatbelt, his eyes clenched shut. “Yeah,” he says, his voice low and coated in guilt.

Nodding to himself, Dan clears his throat. “We asked you not to drink,” Dan reminds him.

Levi lets out a shuddering breath. When Dan sneaks a look at him, Levi’s facing the window, but his shoulders are shaking. Dan’s heart clenches. “I know.”

The rest of the drive is silent. When Dan pulls into the parking garage of the apartment, he shuts the engine off, his hands coming back to settle on the steering wheel as he stares straight ahead. He’s not sure where to go from here. He knows he can’t punish Levi without talking to Phil first, and it’s already nearly three in the morning, so it’ll have to wait. So, instead, he’ll have to just settle with getting Levi’s side of the story for now.

“What happened?” Dan asks quietly.

Levi’s quiet for a while. Finally, he shrugs. “I was being stupid.”

Dan sighs, but shakes his head. “Don’t say that.” When Levi looks at him, a surprised look on his face, Dan offers him a half-hearted smile. “You’re a teenager, Levi. Every teenager does things they shouldn’t.”

Levi seems to consider this, glancing down at his hands, which are plucking at a string on his jacket. “Charlotte wasn’t there,” he says, rather than responding directly to what Dan had said.

“Oh,” Dan says. He suddenly feels a pang of guilt for allowing Levi to go to the party in the first place. Before he can beat himself up too much about this, Levi is speaking again.

“She texted and said her foster parents didn’t want her hanging out with people they didn’t know.” He sighs, then, staring out the window. “I don’t know why I stayed. I only went to see her, anyway.”

Dan forces himself not to react to that news. It’s not like he’s surprised, anyway. Levi clearly has a bond with Charlotte, and Dan doesn’t want to ruin that by teasing him too much. “So instead of calling me, you decided to get drunk?” Dan tries to keep the anger out of his voice.

Levi shrugs. “I guess.”

When it’s obvious he isn’t going to offer any more information willingly, Dan sighs. “You know you’re in trouble, right?”

“Yeah,” Levi says quietly, sounding ashamed.

With a deep breath, Dan nods. “Alright.” He climbs out of the car, and Levi does the same. The elevator ride is silent, with Levi staring at his shoes, occasionally shooting a glance up at Dan, who doesn’t react. Dan unlocks the front door and quietly locks it behind them as Levi tugs his shoes off.

“I’m sorry, Dan.” Levi looks like the words taste bad, but he sounds sincere.

Rubbing his forehead where a headache is starting to form, Dan just sighs tiredly. “Go to bed, Levi. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

Levi’s face falls, but he nods and turns to the stairs as Dan heads to his room. “Er… Dan?”

Dan turns, quirking an eyebrow. “Hm?”

Rubbing his arm and flicking his gaze between Dan and the floor, Levi mumbles, “I… Are you gonna, like, tell Phil about this?”

Offering him an apologetic grimace, Dan nods. “I have to, Levi. I don’t keep secrets, not from him.” His mind chirps with the thought that there might be something he’s keeping from him, but Dan ignores it.

“Okay,” Levi looks disappointed, but nods. He turns back to the stairs without another word, and Dan sighs again before making his way into his room.

After kicking his shoes off, Dan tugs the sweats off, tossing them across the room and climbing into bed in just his boxers and Phil’s hoodie. The shifting of the mattress must alert Phil to his presence, because he rolls over, blinking tiredly before tugging Dan to his chest. He pets Dan’s hair softly and gently, and Dan’s eyes flutter shut at the feeling.

“Everything okay, bear?” Phil asks softly.

“Yeah.” He hesitates, trying to decide how to tell him about Levi. “I have to tell you something.”

“What?” Phil sounds wary.

“Promise you won’t get mad?” Dan whispers, chewing on his lips.

“Okay…” Phil says hesitantly. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Levi got drunk,” Dan blurts, ripping the band-aid off. He holds his breath then, waiting for Phil’s reaction.

It’s quiet for a few moments, but eventually, Phil sighs. “I guess it was a little much for us to expect that he wouldn’t drink.”

“You’re not mad?” Dan can’t keep the surprise, and relief, out of his voice.

He feels Phil shrug. “Not really. I’m disappointed, and I… I dunno, feel kind of stupid for letting him go, now.”

“Yeah, same. I think maybe we didn’t think that through.” Dan presses his cheek to Phil’s chest then, snuggling closer now that he knows he isn’t angry.

“I mean… We wanted him to feel like he has freedom to do things here, because he does. And I mean, it could’ve been a lot worse, Dan.”

“Yeah,” Dan sighs. They’re quiet for a few minutes, but then Dan flushes when he realizes Phil was probably asleep before he came home. “I’m sorry for waking you up,” he mumbles.

Phil pushes his curls back and kisses his forehead. “You didn’t. I was waiting up for you to come home.”

Dan’s heart flutters foolishly at that. “Oh,” he murmurs. “Thank you.”

“Mhm,” Phil’s voice is dripping with sleep, and Dan knows it won’t be long before he’s out. He tilts his head to kiss Phil’s jaw, his heart racing just a little when Phil glances down at him with a soft, easy smile. “Go to sleep, baby. We’ll talk in the morning, yeah?”

“Okay,” Dan nods, allowing himself to relax into Phil’s grip. “Goodnight.”

In response, he receives another kiss to his hair, and soon he’s lulled to sleep to the soundtrack of Phil’s deep breathing.

~~~

The next morning, Dan helps Phil make eggs and toast, chatting quietly over their coffee as they wait for the kids to wake up. The twins come bounding in a few minutes before they’ve finished cooking, already full of excitement for tonight’s activities. Dan tries to answer all their questions without completely losing his mind (“When are we leaving?” “Can we put our costumes on after breakfast?” “Will we get to see a ghost?”) but he’s beyond grateful when Phil starts handing out their plates, effectively cutting off their attempts at any more questions. 

Levi stumbles downstairs just before they’ve finished eating, and Dan can’t help but share a look with Phil. The teen mutters an apology and quietly collects a small plate of food. Dan’s lip twitches down at that and he has to force himself not to say anything that would possibly embarrass him. 

“Can we go play upstairs?” Amelia asks, already pushing her chair back to leave the table. 

Phil nods. “Go ahead. Keep the volume down, though.” 

She nods and disappears up the stairs, Jaiden not far behind. 

The kitchen goes quiet in their absence, and Dan can feel the nerves thrumming under his skin as he waits to see if Levi will say anything first. He’s staring resolutely at his plate, shoving a piece of egg around and around without ever making an attempt at scooping it up. Dan glances at Phil and finds him already looking back, his lips pressed into a firm line. He looks just as unwilling to have this conversation as Dan feels, but there’s actually some sort of comfort in their shared nerves. 

Dan clears his throat, waiting until Levi’s gaze has shot up before speaking. “We’ve spoken about what happened last night,” he starts, watching Levi carefully for any reaction. 

The teen swallows hard. “Yeah?” 

“Before we tell you what we’ve decided, Levi, did anything else happen last night that we need to know about?” Phil interjects, bringing his folded hands up to rest on the table. He doesn’t sound accusatory at all, and Dan’s grateful for that, on Levi’s behalf. 

Levi’s gaze flickers to the table, and he takes in a shuddering breath. It takes a minute, but eventually, he shakes his head before speaking quietly. “No. All I did was drink, I swear.” 

Phil nods before turning to Dan. “Okay.” 

Before Dan has the chance to say anything, Levi blurts, “Do I have to go back to the group home?”

Dan blinks. He meets Phil’s confused stare and offers a shrug in response. “Um...” Dan tries not to laugh, but he feels awkward and can’t help the strained chuckle that leaves him. “What do you mean?”

“Is that where you’re going to send me? Or am I going to a different foster home?” Levi sounds so resigned to whatever he must think his fate is that it actually takes Dan a long minute to process what exactly Levi must think is happening. 

“Levi, what- no,” Dan says, leaning forward and shaking his head. His throat feels tight around the words. “We’re not sending you away. You’re staying here.”

Now it’s Levi’s turn to be confused. He glances up, his eyes flicking between the two of them for an uncomfortable amount of time. “You’re not… getting rid of me?” He looks like he’s doing a mediocre job of pretending not to care. 

Dan shares a look with Phil, suddenly wondering if there’s something he doesn’t know, as Levi’s reaction is certainly making him feel out of the loop. But Phil mirrors his expression, and Dan’s once again left feeling a little more at ease that he’s got someone else on his team here. 

“No, Levi, of course not,” Phil says, his voice soft. 

“Oh...” Levi slumps back in his chair, looking at his food with a contemplative expression. “I... I figured you’d send me away, since, you know... I broke the rules and stuff.” 

Dan waves a hand at that, trying to enforce an air of nonchalance that he really doesn’t feel. “That’s not a chargeable offense, bud. All you did is what every other teenager was doing, we’re not sending you away on account of making a poor choice.”

Phil shifts a little in his seat but nods along. “You’re still not off the hook, but we wouldn’t dream of sending you away.” 

The teen just nods simply before glancing up at them with an expectant look. “But I’m still in trouble?”

Nodding, Phil glances at Dan, who gestures for him to continue. “Even though you called and did the right thing in the end, we did ask you not to drink. We don’t ask much, but while you’re living here we’d appreciate you following the rules we set in order to keep you safe. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Levi says, nodding at the table. “What’s the punishment?” He sounds resigned, but not angry. 

“You’re grounded for a week. No video games or parties or anything like that,” Phil tells him. 

Levi has a shadow of surprise on his face but nods in agreement. “Can I keep my phone?” He seems embarrassed to ask, but his hands twitch on the table like he’s anxious for the answer. 

Dan nods. “You can keep that since you need it if there’s an emergency or something, but all the other electronics are off limits until the week is up.” 

“Alright.” 

Phil spares a glance at Dan before clearing his throat to speak. “We’re proud of you for calling us, Levi. Above anything else, we just want you to keep being responsible. Everything else is secondary to you being safe, okay?” 

“Okay,” Levi agrees. He glances at his food again before gesturing to the stairs. “Can I go to my room?”

Shifting awkwardly in his seat as he spares a glance to the barely-touched meal, Dan nods. The guilt and concern claws at his throat as Levi goes to stand, and Dan can’t help but voice it somehow. “Did you have enough to eat?” 

Levi nods, but doesn’t meet his eyes. “I’m not very hungry.” 

Dan tries not to protest that; Levi is probably telling the truth, and there’s no reason for Dan to worry about something that might not even be a problem. “Okay.”

After clearing his plate and rinsing it off in the sink, Levi turns to leave the room. Dan, a little emotionally drained from the morning’s events, allows his head to drop to Phil’s shoulder, humming when Phil rests his cheek against Dan’s hair. Before they can settle too much, Levi spins back around, looking only a little caught off guard by their display of affection. 

“Um... I know I’m grounded, but... can I still go trick or treating with you guys tonight?” Levi chews on his lips as soon as the question is out, rocking on his feet like he’s ready to escape at any moment. 

Dan feels that familiar tightening of his throat at the question, lifting his head to nod. “Yeah, of course.” 

A small, barely-restrained smile lights up Levi’s face then. “Okay. Thanks. I’ve, uh... never gotten to do that before.” 

Dan’s heart aches, and his vision goes a little blurry for a second as the implications of that settle in his mind. He forces a smile. “Well,” he says, his voice thick. He clears his throat and tries again. “First time for everything.”

Levi only smiles and nods before leaving the room, his footsteps trailing upstairs as Dan tries, and fails, to keep a grip on his emotions. Rather than sit and embarrass himself yet again, he tucks his face away in his hands, so that whatever noises he makes are stifled. 

Phil gives him no time to feel embarrassed for crying, a soft sound leaving his throat as he tugs Dan into his arms for a hug. “Shh, I know.”

“They’ve- they-“ Dan chokes on the words, and Phil rubs his back soothingly as he tries to get it all out. 

“I know,” Phil whispers, his own voice sounding thick with emotion. “I know,” he repeats. And Dan doesn’t have a doubt in his mind that he does. 

So, they sit there, finding this small comfort in each other’s arms as they try and work through another revelation of how these children have been so neglected in yet another aspect of their life. 

~~~

Later that evening, Dan’s sat at his desk in the alcove above the stairs, painting his nails in the blessed silence. Phil had agreed to handle their early dinner and Dan, who’d had a bit of a headache since the talk with Levi earlier, desperately needed a moment to himself. He’s painting his nails yellow and black to match his costume for the night, and he’s nearly finished with his right hand when he hears little footsteps padding towards him. 

He glances over at the sound and his lips quirk up in a smile when he sees Jaiden come to a stop behind the chair close to the desk. Jaiden watches him for a moment in silence, but not for long. “Whatcha doin?” He asks, propping his arm up on the chair and tilting his head. 

Dan smiles at him. “I’m just painting my nails.” He presents his left hand, already finished, for Jaiden to see. 

Jaiden nods but then his nose crinkles. “Isn’t that for girls?” 

What would have made him panic and go immediately defensive just a few years ago now makes Dan laugh quietly. He offers Jaiden an amused smile before quirking a brow. “What makes it a girl thing?” He inquires. He doesn’t think Jaiden will have a concrete answer for this. 

He’s right. 

After several moments of silence and furrowed eyebrows, Jaiden shrugs. “I dunno. Girls do it.” He shrugs again for emphasis. 

Nodding, Dan bows his head again to finish his last finger. “Girls do a lot of things, Jai. And boys have fingernails, too. It wouldn’t be fair if only girls got to paint them, right?” He’s thinking through each word carefully, keeping his eyes down on his yellow pinky nail. 

When Dan’s eyes eventually rise to find Jaiden’s, the boy has clearly mulled it over quite enough. “I guess.” he shrugs. “Can I try?” 

Dan pauses. He’s hesitant to say yes, not because of any stupid societal gender norms, but because... well, children could be brutal, and he doesn’t want to encourage something that might make Jaiden’s life harder, especially at a new school. At the same time, though... Dan thinks he would’ve liked knowing that it was okay to do things out of his gender norm as a child, especially coming from someone with experience. 

Bearing that in mind, he nods. “Sure, if you want, you can.” 

Jaiden smiles at this, bouncing on his feet a little. “Will you paint mine when you’re done?” He asks, his voice pitched up an octave. 

Dan can’t help but laugh at his excitement. “Sure, bubby.” 

As soon as he’s finished with his own nails, Dan blows on them carefully to speed up the drying while telling Jaiden to pick out a color from the little pouch of nail polish he owned. It had started with an ironic black varnish, followed by a bright yellow he bought in support of a mental health charity he’d gotten involved in through his job. Then, he thinks, Phil bought him a clear glitter one, and it had sort of spiraled from there. He owned less than ten, but enough that when he was in the mood to do it, he had plenty of options. 

Jaiden picks out his light blue one (an impulse Asda purchase from a few years previous), and holds it out to Dan, who takes it.

“That one?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay. Get ready, it’s a little stinky.”

Jaiden wrinkles his nose while Dan carefully paints his nails a light blue, but otherwise stays absolutely still, watching the color go on with rapt attention. Dan was impressed with him, and when he was finished with exactly no messes (aside from maybe a little polish on his jeans) he promised Jaiden a treat after dinner. 

Of course, at dinner the problem arose that Amelia was jealous of his nail polish and refused to go anywhere unless hers were painted as well. It was an unforeseen reaction, but not one that Dan was unwilling to cope with. 

“Daddy, I want mine painted too!” She whines, pushing her hair out of her face as she tucks her feet under her. 

Dan’s about to correct this when Phil clears his throat and gives her a look. She settles back in her seat correctly and looks down at her plate with a frown. “After dinner, okay? But we need to let Dan eat first, and you need to finish yours too,” Phil tells her, not unkindly. 

She sighs but nods, picking up her fork. Dan sneaks a glance at Phil, who’s already turned back to his own meal. He can’t help the swell of pride in his chest at the way he’d handled the situation, as anytime Phil showed the parenting side of himself it never failed to impress Dan to some degree. 

They finish their dinner with idle chit chat and the kids are clearly vibrating with excitement. This would be their first time trick or treating for all of them, and Dan was just as excited about it as they were, honestly. He clears the table with Levi’s help and asks Amelia to go upstairs and fetch the bag of nail polish for him, which she’s all too happy to comply with. The sound of a phone ringing interrupts the stampede upstairs, and Dan glances over at Phil as he fishes it out of his pocket. 

“It’s mum,” he explains. 

Dan nods with a smile. “Tell Kath I said hello and I miss her,” he says over his shoulder as he goes to rinse off the dishes. 

Phil’s cheerful as he answers the call, passing on the sentiment. With the habit of walking and talking on the phone, he migrates out of the kitchen and down the hall, likely off to pace in their bedroom as they talk. 

Levi, now finished clearing off the table, stands awkwardly to the side before clearing his throat. When Dan glances at him in question, Levi repeats the action nervously, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Um... about the nail polish thing...” 

Just with that fragment of a sentence, Dan’s heart drops. He wasn’t sure how Levi would react to this, but the fact that he’s addressing it at all makes him nervous. 

“Yeah?” Dan asks, feigning nonchalance. 

Levi bites his lip, as if trying to trap the words inside. Dan wishes he would. “I think he’ll get made fun of at school,” Levi bursts, the words tripping out of his mouth. 

Dan nods slowly. “That’s... a relevant fear,” he settles on. He refuses to excuse bigotry and bullying in any form, but he knows that bringing that belief system up to a teenager raised in a completely different environment might not end all that well. 

“I’m not saying it’s wrong!” Levi’s quick to say. “Just, uh... he might catch it.” 

Letting out a sigh, Dan turns off the tap and dries his hands before turning back to Levi. “Look, I know you’re worried about him being bullied for this. But I’m going to let him be who he wants to be, at least here. I won’t let him wear it at school- believe me I know how kids are.” Isn’t that the understatement of the year. “But if you’re trying to have him take it off at home then-“ 

“No, no!” Levi says hurriedly, waving his hands as if to knock the words out of the air. “I just, like, wanted you to know. Like, how it is in schools now.”

The way he says it has Dan titling his head and squinting at him. “Mate, I am an educator, you know. And, like, I was in school myself not too long ago.” He doesn’t mention that he was bullied almost to the point of no return. 

“Right, yeah. I just... didn’t know, like... how long it’d been since you’d been in school.” Levi sounds awkward. Nearly as awkward as Dan feels. 

Dan blinks at him. “I’m only twenty-eight.” 

Levi nods. Then clears his throat. His eyes are focused on something across the room. “Right, yeah. Of course.” 

And this just begs the question that Dan’s not polite enough not to ask. “How old did you think I was?” He grins. 

With a shrug, Levi mutters something under his breath. When Dan hums, he repeats himself, only barely loud enough for Dan to make out the words. “About middle-aged.” 

“Middle- middle aged?” Dan is nearly screeching. 

Levi’s face is pink but he’s obviously holding back a laugh. “Well, yeah, I dunno!” 

“Mate. What is middle aged, in your opinion?” 

He looks reluctant to say, but Levi shrugs and leans back against the counter as he seems to consider it. “I dunno, about thirty-five, I guess.” 

There’s nothing Dan can do to contain his hysterics at this. He’s laughing loudly, bent over with his hand pressed to his side when it starts aching. “Oh- oh my god!” 

“What’s going on?” Phil’s voice is amused, and a little bit dumbfounded, as he joins the conversation, pocketing his phone as he walks into the kitchen. 

Dan spins to face him and collapses into giggles yet again. “I’ve got some unfortunate news, babe. You’re almost middle-aged.” 

Phil’s nose crinkles adorably at that. “Pardon?” 

“I didn’t mean he was middle-aged!” Levi protests, covering his face when they look at him. 

“I’m confused,” Phil answers. 

Dan laughs even more. The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs interrupts the madness, and as soon as she’s entered the room, Amelia drops into her chair at the table and holds the nail polish of her choice out to Dan. “I picked a color!” 

Smiling broadly, feeling happier and fuller than he had in weeks, Dan settles down across from her and grabs the bottle. He ignores the confused pout on Phil’s face in favor of placing Amelia’s hands palm-down on the table. “Alright, let’s get to work.”

~~~ 

“Alright, c’mon, everybody! Pictures and then we’re leaving!” Phil calls down the hall. He turns to face Dan, who’s still sat pouting on their bed. “Aww, what’s the matter, love?” He simpers. 

Dan glares at him. Phil looks great, of course. He’d gotten the Ash costume online (except for the hat, he’d already owned one) and it looked far better on him than it had any right to. Dan was partly upset over his wayward thoughts towards his best friend, but mostly, he was upset over the fact that he would be spending the night out in a onesie. 

“I’m gonna freeze my tits off,” he announces, crossing his arms. 

Phil laughs, turning to the closet to dig for something. “You’re so dramatic,” he observes, his voice muffled with the way he’s facing the closet. 

Dan stares daggers into the back of his head. “Shut up. You got to be freaking Ash, you don’t get to bully me now.”

Rolling his eyes, Phil deposits what he’d been searching for onto Dan’s lap. When Dan looks at it, he realizes that it’s just a plain sweater. He glances up at Phil, who points to it. “Put it on under the onesie, you’ll stay warmer.”

Something about the gesture endears Dan deeply and he can’t help but dimple up at Phil. “Oh. Thanks.” 

Phil has a soft smile on his face when he looks down at Dan. It’s a fond thing and Dan’s heart flutters in his chest. He sort of expects it when Phil starts to lean in, but the kiss pressed to Dan’s hairline leaves a searing heat that floods warmth all over his face, and down to the tips of his fingers. “I’m gonna go make sure the kids are ready. Join us when you’re done, yeah?” 

Dan nods and waves him away. “I’ll be there in a minute.” 

Phil nods and gently ruffles his hair before heading out of their bedroom. It gives Dan a chance to pull the top of the onesie down and tug the sweater on, looking around for his shoes as he zips it up. He can already hear the twins talking loudly in the lounge, and just over that is the sound of Phil trying to persuade them into posing for a picture for a second. 

The scene he’s met with in the lounge is one that’s just incredibly endearing, and Dan can’t help his grin as he watches Phil position each of the kids for a picture. Levi is standing behind the twins, but he’s crouched down and has an arm around each of them, and there’s a big smile on each of their faces as Phil crouches to take a picture. 

“Aww, perfect! You guys look so cute!” Phil practically squeals. Of course then they want to see the photo so Phil obliges, finally noticing Dan’s presence as the kids look over the pictures on his phone. “C’mere, Dan, we’re gonna take a selfie, too.” 

Dan feigns an exasperated sigh as he joins them, fixing the little hat on Jaiden’s head and straightening up Amelia’s hood. “This has got to be the best group Halloween costume idea ever,” he brags. 

Phil rolls his eyes at this, handing Dan the phone and then moving to stand behind Amelia, crouching down a bit so they can all fit in the frame. “You didn’t even help come up with it!” Phil protests. 

“I know! I’m just commending the genius that went into the planning, is all.” He holds the phone out and shuffles until they all sort of fit in the frame. “Alright kiddos, say Happy Halloween!” It takes a bit of maneuvering, but Dan works out the camera angle and snaps a few shots. The kids are grinning and look absolutely adorable and Dan makes sure to airdrop the photos to himself before handing the phone back to Phil. “Send one of those to your mum,” he says. 

Nodding, Phil types away on his phone before pocketing it in his bag. 

“Is it time to go now?” Amelia whines, bouncing on her feet impatiently. Dan has a mild moment of concern, wondering if it’s truly in their best interest to give these children an abundance of sugar. 

“It will be as soon as you guys get your shoes on,” Phil tells her. It’s a race to the front door then, and even Levi seems excited as he goes, at a much more reserved pace, to collect his own shoes. 

“Alright, keys, wallet, phone?” Dan asks, gesturing to Phil’s green backpack. 

“Check, check, and check,” Phil replies with a grin. “Do you wanna put your phone in here too since you don’t have pockets?” 

“Yeah, probably better,” Dan nods, handing it over. He’s glancing around, making sure they’ve turned all the lights and appliances off in the kitchen, when he hears a soft exhale. He glances over and finds Phil staring down at Dan’s phone. “What?” He asks, reaching for it. 

Phil says nothing but turns it around and clicks the power button so that the home screen lights up. It takes him a moment, but Dan flushes when he realizes what Phil’s seen. It’s just a simple picture, but he’d taken it a couple weeks ago when Amelia needed help getting through a level of Crash Bandicoot and had crawled onto Phil’s lap as he worked through it. It’s painfully domestic, really; Phil’s hair is kind of a mess, his glasses sliding down his nose, but it’s so cute to see his arms around Amelia, his hands holding the controller in front of her little body as both of their gazes are glued to the screen in front of them. Dan had been sneaky taking that picture, but it was just so cute, he’d had to put it as his wallpaper. 

Dan clears his throat. “Right, well. It’s a cute picture.” He very intentionally avoids looking at Phil, instead turning away and allowing Phil to put the phone away. Dan sort of hopes that’s the end of it; he’d much rather not be interrogated about his choice of iPhone home screen display right now. “Everyone ready to go?” He calls, averting the attention away from what he feels is an awkward situation. 

The kids chorus an affirmation and Dan makes his way to the door, checking that each of them have put their shoes on. He glances up when he hears Phil’s footsteps, but the look on his face is perfectly neutral and gives no indication of his thoughts about what just sort of happened. Dan’s immensely grateful for this. 

“Alright, some rules before we leave,” Phil starts. “Always stay with me or Dan, especially you two,” he says, glancing pointedly between the twins. “Levi, you’re not on a leash or anything but keep your phone on if you get ahead of us or anything and try not to stray too far.” Levi nods like he already knows this. 

“Okay,” he says easily. 

Phil glances back at Dan, who nods reassuringly, before he continues. “Now we’ll knock on doors and we expect you guys to be polite, so always say please and thank you to everyone who gives you candy. Let’s be on our best behavior, yeah?” 

After a hurried agreement, he gestures for Dan to lead the way out. With a big smile, he turns to the kids, rubbing his hands together conspiratorially. “Who’s ready for some candy?”


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil takes a trip, leaving Dan on his own for a weekend with the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! thank you for the patience while waiting for me to update, i know it's annoying to get the new chapter so late in the day but c'est la vie.   
> enjoy the chapter!

It’s a couple weeks after Halloween, when things have started shifting back into something copacetic in their home, when Phil is informed that he needs to attend an event in Berlin. He tried to fight it, claiming it was too short-notice and he needed more time to make arrangements for his family. When he told Dan about this, Dan had all but snorted tea out of his nose. Not that he wasn’t warmed by the thought of Phil wanting to be around to help, but he wasn’t helpless, and his independent streak rears its head at the idea that Phil didn’t realize this yet. 

Still, even as he’d begrudgingly agreed to the trip, Phil still felt the need to complain about it to Dan every chance he got. And when he wasn’t complaining, he was asking Dan if he was absolutely sure that he could handle it. 

“Phil. We’ll be fine.” Dan assures him for the many-eth time as Phil’s packing his things. He’s clearly nervous, but not about the trip. No, he’s apparently nervous because this will be the first full weekend where Dan will be alone with the kids. 

“I know that in theory, Dan, but I’m still worried.” Phil gripes, folding a clean pair of odd socks and shoving them into a crevice in his weekend bag. Dan is torn between fondness and a wince at the untidiness. “What if something happens?” 

“Like what?” Dan asks incredulously. “I’m not sure what dangers you think we might face that I can’t face on my own, Phil. I’m not saying we don’t need you, but we’ll be fine for a weekend.” Dan snags the shirt Phil just put in his suitcase and takes it back to the closet. 

“Oi!” Phil complains. 

“That shirt looks weird on you and we both know it, Phil.” The older man pouts at this, and Dan bites his lip to keep from laughing. He pulls a short sleeve button down shirt off the hanger and tosses it to Phil. “This looks better with the other things you packed. Oh- and you should just wear your formal shoes all weekend. Then you don’t have to pack them.” Dan crosses his arms as Phil folds the shirt and places it in his bag. 

“You’re not my mother,” Phil snaps, still shoving things in the small duffle bag. 

Dan rolls his eyes, walking out of their bedroom to the kitchen to start making dinner. Phil follows, clearly giving up packing for now. “Obviously I’m not, but what will people think of me if you look like a newborn monkey dressed you? Or, God-forbid, Amelia. Hand me the pan I like to use for stir fry.” He begins pulling ingredients out of the fridge, glancing over to the downstairs lounge, surprised when he doesn’t see the kids. 

Phil’s muttering to himself as he sets the pan on the stove, moving around Dan to get their plates and glasses out to set the table. “You’ll call me, right?” He asks suddenly, his eyes darting up to meet Dan’s. 

Dan stares at him, an almost confused look on his face. “Well, obviously,” he scoffs. He begins chopping some onions, glancing over at his fake-fiancé, who’s looking down, his cheeks pink. “Philly, did you honestly think I’d just not call you? I’ll call so much you’ll have to tell me to stop.. And text, and probably Skype as well, so the kids can see you.” 

Phil’s lips push into a contemplative pout as he listens to Dan, but he shifts his attention to the doorway when they hear footsteps coming in. Amelia walks in, her face lighting up when she sees that Phil is there. Dan tries not to let that hurt, because he knows that he can’t always be the favorite. 

“Dad!” She squeals, holding her arms out as she rushes over. Dan smiles at the way Phil’s eyes light up as he scoops her up. 

“Hi, sweet girl.” Phil presses loud kisses into her hair, his eyes meeting Dan’s. They share a smile before Dan drops his gaze back to their cooking. “Where are your brothers?” He asks her.

“Jai’s in our room doing homework and Levi’s in the lounge upstairs.” She informs them, laying her head on Phil’s shoulder. “When are you leaving?” 

Phil shifts her weight onto his hip and leans back against the island in their kitchen. “Eager, much?” He wrinkles his nose playfully. “Tomorrow morning. I’ll be leaving for the airport before you guys are up for school.” The little girl scowls at this, and Dan feels his heart squeeze painfully. He knew she didn’t dislike him or anything even near, but sometimes, compared to the magnetic energy of Phil’s charming presence, he felt like second best. 

“I’ll Skype you guys every night, so it’ll be like I’m not even gone.” Phil kisses her hair before setting her down, moving around Dan to get some Ribena out of the cupboard. 

Amelia considers this before she walks over to Dan, leaning against him. “Daddy, can I sleep in your bed since Dad won’t be here?” She whispers, loudly enough for Phil to hear. 

Dan chuckles and ruffles her hair, feeling his heart swell with affection. “We’ll see, babygirl.” 

She smiles and nods before traipsing out of the kitchen to bother one of her brothers.

“You’re not really going to let her sleep in our bed, are you?” Phil asks, his tone soft as he leans against the counter beside Dan. 

Dan shrugs, a smile on his lips. “Maybe, if she wants to.” Phil rolls his eyes and goes to complain, undoubtedly, but Dan beats him to it. “I’ll be alone for like almost three nights, since you’ll be in so late Sunday, so I mean if her and Jai want to come sleep with me one night, I’m going to let them.” 

Phil shakes his head fondly but doesn’t protest. “You’d be the worst if we had a baby,” he says nonchalantly, his smile wide. 

Dan’s smile fades slowly as he pictures it, his heart flooded with warmth. He can just imagine him and Phil trying to raise a baby, but with every scary thought that invokes, he just feels so warm thinking about the two of them sharing a baby. Despite the fact that they’re currently fostering three children, the idea of having a baby injects heat directly into his veins. 

Instead of voicing this, he just snorts. “And why would I be the worst?” He asks. 

“You’d co-sleep from day one. The baby would be so dependent on sleeping with you that we’d never be able to sleep alone again.” Phil grins, and Dan’s cheeks flush. There were no implications present in Phil’s words, but Dan’s mind supplied its own interpretations of what those words could mean. 

“I just like to cuddle,” Dan says defensively. “If I had a baby, I’d just enjoy snuggling the little thing, and sure maybe I’d spoil her, but it’d be fine.” He shrugs, stirring the food in front of him with slow strokes. 

“Her?” Phil says quietly. When Dan looks at him, he has a soft smile on his face. “So this hypothetical baby of ours is a girl?” He asks, not looking weirded out or angered by this, just intrigued. 

Dan flushes, staring hard at the food in the pan while he tries to come up with any excuse or joke. When he can’t, all he comes out with is a soft, “Yeah.” 

Phil hums beside him before pushing away from the counter, coming to stand just behind Dan and dropping his chin on one of Dan’s shoulders. It’s comforting in a way he feels it shouldn’t be, but he can’t help but enjoy it. He wants to reach back and tangle his fingers in the soft black strands of Phil’s hair, but he doesn’t. 

“Maybe one day,” Phil finally whispers, and Dan’s heart jumps. 

“What?” He responds quietly, not daring to hope for the meaning he so desperately wants those words to hold. 

“Maybe someday we’ll get to foster a baby and experience that side of parenting,” Phil answers simply, pressing his lips gently to Dan’s shoulder before pulling away. 

Dan deflates at his words and the lack of contact but tries not to let it appear so obvious. “Right,” he laughs softly, staring at the food. “Would you mind going to tell the kids that dinner is ready?” 

“Sure. Be right back.” Phil turns to go round up the kids, while Dan begins distributing food onto their plates, his mind swirling with thoughts that he can’t stop. He tries not to let himself feel overwhelmed with it, but all he can think of is a nursery and little onesies and Phil cradling a tiny bundle as he smiles up at- no. He shakes his head sharply, trying to dislodge the image from his head. 

“I dunno, ask Dan.” Dan hears Phil’s voice and the sound of several footsteps coming into the kitchen, and he turns in confusion.

“Ask me what?”

“Can I invite Ethan over this weekend to work on our science project?” Jaiden asks, sitting beside Amelia at the table. 

Dan glances at Phil, who’s laying the full plates on the table in front of each of the kids. The older man shrugs, saying, “Up to you, I won’t be here.” 

“Sure, Jai. I can call his mum tomorrow and ask if it’s okay.” Dan nods to the child before handing him and his sister each a small glass. 

“Okay.” Jaiden picks up his fork, a pleased look on his face. 

“Can I go over to Charlotte’s after group on Saturday?” Levi asks as Dan sits beside him, looking nervous for the answer. 

“Sure, if it’s okay with her foster parents.” Dan nods, realizing he left his own drink on the counter. “Phil, can you hand me- thank you,” he says when Phil sets the glass beside his left hand. 

“Mhm,” he hums, his hand trailing across Dan’s shoulder before he goes to sit at the head of the table. 

“If they get to do something can I do something this weekend?” Amelia whines, repeatedly stabbing a piece of chicken. 

“Stop playing with that,” Phil reprimands gently. Amelia doesn’t even blink, putting down her fork and staring at Phil with wide brown eyes. 

“What would you like to do, Mia?” Dan asks, taking a sip of his Ribena. “Do you have a friend you’d like to invite over?” 

“Are you sure you can handle- er, I mean, are you sure you want to be in charge of so many kids at once, Dan?” Phil interjects then, watching as Dan brings his fork to his mouth. 

He chews slowly, staring at Phil as he does so. He’s only a little annoyed at the wording of it, but he’s grateful that Phil had corrected himself. “It’ll be fine. It’s not like I haven’t done it before.” He shrugs. 

“Well, yeah, but I was home then,” Phil says, looking down at his own food as he speaks. “I’m not saying you’re incompetent, I just don’t want you to feel overwhelmed, Bear.” He says this so softly that Dan can’t help but feel affectionate. 

“It’s fine. If Mia wants to invite someone over, she can.” Dan glances away to lock eyes with his foster daughter, who smiles. 

“Can Mrs. Louise come over with Darcy and baby Pearl?” She asks excitedly then, causing both Dan and Phil to exchange a look before laughing. 

“We’ll see. I’ll ask what she’s up to this weekend, okay?” Dan smiles, picking up his glass. 

Amelia nods happily and they eat in relative silence for a few minutes, aside from her and Jaiden quietly talking. 

“How come he’s doing a science project?” Levi asks suddenly, gesturing across the table to his brother. 

Dan glances at Jaiden before turning back to the oldest child. “He scored really high on the enrichment tests, so he was put in a few advanced classes. The science class has a science fair this term and I told him he could sign up if he wanted to.” Dan explains, voice full of pride. Although his dyslexia disrupted his reading and spelling, the child was incredibly intelligent, especially in science and math. 

“That’s pretty cool, Jai-bird.” Levi grins at him. 

Jaiden smiles and nods. “We’re gonna make clouds in bottles.” He says excitedly. He begins explaining this to Levi in detail, since he’s the only member of the family who hasn’t already heard about it. 

“Did you pick up the things he needs for that?” Dan asks Phil, nodding to Jaiden. 

Phil’s nods. “They’re in the office. I figured I’d keep them out of the way until he needed them.” 

“Okay. Thank you,” Dan says, grateful that he won’t have to go to the shop and find the things on his own. 

“Mhm.” Phil smiles at him before diving into the conversation, asking questions about Jaiden’s project and his partner. 

Dan tunes out for the rest of dinner, mainly just enjoying the little life they’ve got built now. He doesn’t realize that they’ve finished until everyone goes to leave the table, Phil dropping a hand to his forehead. 

“Are you feeling okay? You’ve been really quiet.” He studies Dan’s face, a look of concern on his face. 

Dan nods, gathering their plates from the table and moving to stand. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired I guess.”

“Hm. Want me to do dishes tonight?” Phil offers, already running the water in the sink to rinse them off. 

“No, I’ve got it.” Dan shakes his head before taking Phil’s place, gently brushing his hand down the older man’s back to prompt him to move out of the way. “You should go to bed soon, your flight is really early.” He adds, loading up the dishwasher. 

Phil shrugs, taking a towel to wipe off the table. “I’ll go to bed when you do. Did you wanna watch something with the kids first?” 

Dan shrugs. “If you want. How about you go ask what they feel like watching while I finish up here?” 

Phil nods before leaving the kitchen, headed for the upstairs lounge. 

“My vote is on The Incredibles,” Dan calls out, only getting a laugh in response. 

It turns out the kids do want to watch this, so they spend the night watching it in the darkened lounge, Dan tucked up to Phil’s side instead of spread out on the other end of the couch like they used to do. One of Phil’s hands rests in Dan’s hair, stroking through the curls absently as they murmur to each other, just quiet enough that the movie drowns them out to the kids. Mostly things about Phil’s trip and any last-minute essentials there, but Dan feels overwhelmed with warmth as he leans his head against Phil’s shoulder, perfectly content. 

Amelia and Jaiden have spread a blanket on the floor to watch, while Levi went to his room after dinner to study for a test. The twins are asleep by the end of the movie, so each of them takes one and carefully make their way downstairs to deposit them into their beds after the credits start rolling, somehow managing not to wake either of them in the process. 

Dan brushes his teeth and tugs on his ugly cat shirt over a pair of boxers, finding Phil lying in bed with a book when he gets out of their bathroom. Throwing himself onto the mattress beside his best friend, Dan sighs. “I’m so tired. I’m so glad I don’t have to get up in the morning and fly to Germany,” he teases, poking Phil’s bare torso. 

Phil squeaks at the contact, shooting an unimpressed look at Dan as he puts the book on his nightstand. “Lucky you,” he sighs. He lays down facing Dan after turning off his lamp, casting the room in pitch darkness. 

“Yeah. I’m sure you’ll have fun though,” Dan says softly. 

Phil shrugs. “Maybe. I’m gonna wish I was here the whole time though.” He frowns at this, as if he hadn’t meant to say it aloud, and Dan smiles. 

“We’re gonna wish you were here too,” he says lightly, rolling over to face the other way. After hesitating for a moment, he shifts backwards a bit, until his back presses against Phil’s side. 

Without words, Phil rolls over to press his bare chest against Dan’s clothed back, and Dan sighs at the comforting warmth of his arm curling around his waist. He feels Phil nuzzle into his hair, and shivers slightly as he feels the heavy breath Phil lets out against his neck. 

“I’ll miss you,” he mumbles into Dan’s neck, sending the younger man’s heart racing erratically. 

Dan clears his throat before responding softly. “I’m going to miss you too.” 

He doesn’t get a response, and soon he realizes Phil’s already fallen asleep. He tries not to think about how it’s always easier for them to fall asleep together, because that’s one pain his heart can’t take. Instead he closes his eyes and allows sleep to overcome him slowly. 

~~~

When Dan wakes a few hours later, it’s to the feeling of the mattress shifting, and a quiet ruffling that he hears coming from the end of his bed. Rolling over with a groan, he feels his feet pressing against something warm and solid. He yawns, shifting so he’s looking down at the end of the bed where Phil is sat pulling his shoes on. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Phil whispers, glancing back at Dan. 

Dan only shrugs, and in his half-asleep state the only thing he wants is to cuddle his fake fiancé. Instead of being normal and ignoring this instinct, however, his mind suggests that it might be a good idea to share this with Phil. “C’mere. Wanna snuggle.” He rubs his eyes and makes grabby hands.

Phil laughs softly, but only stretches over enough to find Dan’s leg under the covers and give it a squeeze. “I can’t, my cab should be here in twenty minutes.” 

Dan sits up slightly, just enough to grab the back of Phil’s sweater and tug. As expected, Phil falls backwards against the force, and Dan smiles, snuggling into his side. “Then you have fifteen minutes to cuddle me,” he calculates. 

He hears a laugh but feels Phil’s arms move to wrap around him, making him smile. Phil runs a hand through his wild curls, while the other traces circles on his back. Dan hums contentedly when Phil holds him closer, breathing in the scent of his best friend in the closeness. “I have a couple more post-its for you guys in my nightstand. Don’t forget to put them in the lunchboxes, okay?” 

Humming, Dan nuzzles Phil’s chest. “M’kay. Might have to remind me.” 

Phil laughs and mumbles something that Dan doesn’t hear. The room is washed with soft silence, and Phil is just so warm and inviting, Dan can already feel himself slipping into unconsciousness. “I need to go,” Phil whispers after a few minutes. 

“Stay,” Dan whispers back, just on the verge of sleep. 

He feels Phil press a long kiss to his forehead, and he tries to ignore the warmth flooding in his stomach. “I wish I could, babe. I’ll be back Sunday, okay? I’ll text you when I land.” 

“Okay,” Dan sighs, slowly pulling himself out of the comfort of his best friend’s arms. “Be safe. Make sure you have your charger and passport,” he mumbles into his pillow when Phil has sat up and made his way off the bed. 

“I will. Bye, Dan.” Phil presses another kiss to Dan’s cheek then, and Dan can’t hide his smile from breaking out across his face.

Dan hears the sound of Phil unplugging his phone charger and then the zip of his bag, and a thought is bouncing around in his head, dying to be let out. “Phil?” He calls softly, his eyes still closed. 

“Yeah?” 

Dan hesitates for just a second before responding, his stomach flipping over when he says the words aloud for the first time in what seemed like forever. “Love you.” 

There’s a brief moment of complete silence and Dan wonders if Phil has even heard him at all. But then he feels a hand dragging through his hair. “I love you too, bear. Get some sleep.” 

~~~

The kids are hyper and talkative the whole drive home from school Friday evening, and Dan is already starting to dread the full weekend ahead without Phil. He berates himself for this; how pathetic is it that he can’t survive even a full day without his best friend? He’s a grown man, for fuck’s sake. He should be glad he’s got some alone time at night when the kids are in bed, some alone time he hasn’t had in a very long time. Still, even that doesn’t make him feel any better, if anything it just makes him passively bitter.

“Daddy, can we order pizza for dinner?” Amelia is asking from the backseat. She’s bouncing around, struggling against her seatbelt like it’s inconveniencing her.

“Sure, love. Sit still until we get home, yeah?” He spares a couple glances at her in his rearview mirror until he sees that she’s settled back down with the seatbelt safely around her.

They’re not far from the flat when Dan’s phone starts ringing in the cupholder. His eyes dart over to it for a second, long enough to see Phil’s picture in the background as it vibrates with sound. “Levi, could you answer that?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Levi sounds surprised but grabs the phone and answers it quickly.

“Put him on speaker,” Dan instructs.

Levi nods and does as he’s told. “Hi, Phil,” Levi greets, his voice a little stilted and awkward.

“Oh- hi, bub. What’re you guys up to?” Phil doesn’t sound upset to hear Levi’s voice, just confused.

“Dan’s driving us home,” Levi informs him. “You’re on speaker, though, he can hear you.”

“Hi, love,” Phil says, clearly speaking to Dan now. Dan’s embarrassed to say he can feel his cheeks flush at the endearment. “I was just calling to check in. I can call back later?”

“Yeah, that’s good. I’ll Skype you when we get home, yeah?”

“Alright. Be careful driving. Talk to you later,” Phil says.

“Bye.”

Levi waits until Phil has hung up before setting the phone back where it was. The car is peacefully quiet for a moment, then Jaiden speaks up from the backseat.

“Do we have to keep it a secret that we’re getting pizza without him?”

~~~

After getting home and getting the kids situated, Dan sets up the computer at his desk upstairs so that they can Skype with Phil. Levi opts out, claiming he has an essay due next week. Dan allows this on the condition that Levi has to eat with them when the pizza arrives. He agrees easily enough, and Dan goes to sit on the sofa while the twins speak with Phil, giving them a chance to chat and tell whatever stories they’ve been dying to tell him since Dan said he’d Skype him.

“Can you see me?” Dan hears Phil asks, his voice a little distorted through the shitty microphone on his laptop. “Can you hear me?”

“Hi!” Amelia calls, waving at the screen excitedly.

Phil laughs, a sweet sound even through the horrible speaker. “Hi, lovebug. And Jai-bird. Did you two have a good day at school?”

They talk pretty much over each other after that, trying to get all their words in at once. Amelia talks about a very pretty butterfly she and Darcy chased at recess, and Jaiden waits until she’s done before announcing that it was actually a moth. An argument breaks out after that, because of course it does, and Dan intervenes with a deep sigh.

He shoves himself off the sofa and goes over to stand behind them. “Alright, how about we tell Dad goodnight. He’s had a busy day and you guys need to wash up before dinner.” Dan ruffles Jaiden’s hair affectionately.

“Okay,” Amelia says sullenly. “Night, Dad. Love you, sweet dreams!” She’s already shoving her way out of the desk chair Dan had managed to seat them both in, elbows flying into Jaiden’s ribs no doubt.

Phil’s got a soft, fond look on his face as he looks at her. “Be kind to your brother, Mia. And I love you too.”

Jaiden sticks his tongue out at Amelia, and she glances up at Dan before sulking off the chair, glaring daggers at her brother as she goes. Dan can’t help but snort at her behavior. Jaiden shifts in the chair, subtly shaking Dan’s hands out of his hair as he does. “Are you in a hotel?” Jaiden asks Phil, studying the screen curiously.

“I am, yeah.” Phil moves around and moves the laptop to the side so Jaiden can see what his room looks like. “Do you see that ugly painting there?” He asks, pointing to some really atrocious attempt at what looks like a gourd. “I’m gonna bring that home with me and hang it above mine and Dan’s bed.”

“No you will not,” Dan disagrees immediately, his voice not even a little bit joking. “That’s ugly as f-frick.”

Phil quirks an eyebrow at Dan in warning. “Watch your words, Howell. I won’t have you spoiling our kids while I’m gone,” Phil chastises.

Jaiden drops his head back to giggle at Dan. “Yeah, Howell,” he teases.

Dan rolls his eyes, playfully flicking his nose. Jaiden giggles even harder. “Alright, alright. Go play with your sister for a bit, meanness.”

“’Kay. Night, Dad! Love you,” Jaiden hops off the chair with a wave to the screen, not even waiting for an answer.

Phil looks a little lost as he calls after him, “I love you too! Goodnight.” He sighs when Dan sits down in the chair, smiling up at him with a tired look in his eyes. “Hi.”

Dan offers him a small smile. Something about being sat in front of the screen by himself now has his throat closing, his lungs punctured by the memories of all the six-hour Skype calls they had when they were younger. His chest burns. “Hi.”

Even from a thousand kilometers away, Phil can tell. Dan knows he can. He tilts his head to the side, assessing Dan’s mood. Dan feels naked, suddenly. “How’re you?” Phil asks, his voice kind.

Dan shrugs. “I’m fine.” He clears his throat. “How’s the trip?”

Phil shrugs too. “It’s fine, I guess. We’re getting everything done on schedule, so that’s nice.”

“Yeah, that’s good.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and Dan figures Phil’s trying to decide how to proceed from here. Eventually, he settles on asking about Levi.

“Where’s Levi?” He asks.

“In his room. He said he had an essay to work on.” Dan’s apologetic. He knows Phil feels the disconnect from the teenager, just as Dan does, although he sometimes thinks Phil handles that feeling of inadequacy as a parent a little better.

“Oh. Don’t forget to refill the paper in the printer so he can print it when he’s finished,” Phil reminds him.

“I will.”

Phil fiddles with his fingers, and it takes Dan a moment to realize he’s twisting his engagement band. “Are you alright, then?” Phil asks finally.

Dan shrugs. He’s doing that a lot lately. “I reckon so.”

“You look tired, baby.” Phil’s got his head tilted as he looks at Dan, and even though he doesn’t believe in souls, even with an entire sea between them, he feels like Phil’s staring straight at his.

Trying to shove the thought out of his consciousness, Dan makes a noncommittal noise. “I guess.”

The silence after he speaks is interrupted by Phil letting out a deep sigh. “Okay. Well, I miss you.”

Something bitter is under Dan’s ribs, clawing at the cavity in his chest where the ache is only spreading, making it hard for him to speak. “You left this morning,” he says flatly. It comes out wrong. Meaner, somehow.

Phil, in all his patience and loveliness, takes it in stride and laughs. “I know, I was there,” he teases. “I still miss you, though. I’m not looking forward to sleeping by myself.”

Hearing the words again is like a stab to his heart every time. Or maybe a scratch in that direction, as a stab would rather put him out of his misery. Instead, Dan has to hear those words, and process that he feels the same way, so deeply he thinks he might cry. “You’ve got a bed to yourself, you can starfish out as much as you like.” He manages a gentler tone this time.

When he glances up, Phil’s got a grin on his face, clearly pleased that Dan’s trying, because that’s all he can do right now, really. “I do that to bother you. It’s no fun if you aren’t there to elbow me in my spleen, telling me to shove over.”

A traitor tear escapes Dan’s eye as he lets out a strangled laugh. “Fuck you, alright. That shit is so annoying.”

Phil smiles, his tongue between his teeth. “Shut up, you love me.”

Dan’s heart aches. He drops his head, the teasing tone choking him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he pretends he’s not about to start crying, because maybe if he acts like it’s not happening, the urge to do so will disappear. “I miss you,” he chokes out.

It takes a moment of silence for him to look up at the screen, and Phil is there, smiling fondly and waiting for Dan to get a grip on himself. When Dan finally catches his breath and offers him a small smile, Phil copies it. He looks like he’s about to speak, but his mouth shifts like he changes his mind on what to say at the last second. “I miss you too, bear. I’ll be home soon, though.”

“I know. Just feels like forever.” He’s aware he sounds clingy and annoying, but he’s decided not to care.

Phil’s got a thoughtful look on his face at that. “Does this whole thing kinda remind you of when you lived in Reading and I was still in Manchester and we used to Skype for hours all the time?”

Dan can’t help but smile at that, because yeah, it does. “It’s exactly like that, and I hate it. That’s my hot and spicy take on that.” He’s mostly kidding, as he treasured their Skype calls deeply, even to this day. He just doesn’t like being reminded so acutely of how that feels, not all these years later when he has Phil with him almost all the time. Having that taken away, even for a weekend, feels like it should be illegal.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kind of nice,” Phil says. He’s not looking at Dan, and his gaze is unfocused. “Perspective, I guess.”

“I don’t like forced perspective, not like this,” Dan argues. “I miss your stupid face and your stupid long limbs making an attempt on my life while we sleep.”

This startles a very genuine laugh from Phil’s chest, and Dan feels his lips stretching into a smile at the sound. “You make me sound like a murderer!” Phil protests.

Dan giggles. “I’m not saying you are or you aren’t, but I bet I have bruises from where your knees or elbows have caught me while you’re flailing around.”

Phil rolls his eyes, putting on an annoyed expression. “Dan, you know I have to roll over a few times and get comfy before I can really sleep.”

“Oh, I know. But your idea of getting comfy is just, like, two hours of mutilating me.”

“Fine,” Phil says, narrowing his eyes. “We’ll see how you feel about sleeping all by yourself tonight when I’m not there to mutilate you, yeah?”

Dan chews on his lip as he nods. “Alright, I’ll just get ready for the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years,” he boasts. He knows it’s a lie. Phil also knows it’s a lie. Part of this is meeting each other in the middle of that knowledge and making fun of it.

He’s about to say something else, keep the joke going while he’s feeling good about it, but then he hears Amelia calling for him. Phil does too, if his sympathetic smile is anything to go by. “I wish I was there, love.”

Dan forces a smile. “Yeah. We do too. I’m not the only one who misses you.”

Phil looks down, hiding a pleased smile. “Well. Yeah.” He sighs when he looks up. “I guess you need to go.”

There’s another call from downstairs. Dan grimaces, but nods. “Yeah. I need to make sure they get some dinner in them before the world explodes or whatever.”

“Right,” Phil laughs. “Don’t burn our home down while I’m gone, please.”

Dan grins. “Of course not. I’ll text you later, okay?”

Phil nods. “Alright. Well, goodnight. I miss you.”

“Miss you too, babe. Talk later, yeah?”

“Yeah. Tell the kids I love them. You too.” Phil manages to hold eye contact until the very last word. Dan’s impressed.

Smiling, Dan nods at him, already getting ready to get off the chair to go sort out the kids. “I will. Love you too. Goodnight.”

Phil offers him a wave and a sweet smile before the screen goes black.

~~~

Dan tosses and turns on the bed, the sheets stretching for miles around him. He’d really jinxed himself earlier by pretending for even a moment that he’d be able to get any semblance of sleep tonight without Phil there. So instead he ends up having a staring contest with the stupid white ceiling, waiting impatiently for sleep to pull him under. It doesn’t take long for that to get boring, though, and he swings his legs over the side and makes his way to the kitchen.

The flat is silent, almost eerily so, and Dan has the presence of mind to feel a prickle of shame at the way his heart races as he speeds down the dark hallway. He hurriedly clicks on the lights, and the soft, pale glow draws a sigh from his chest. He’s quiet as he moves around the kitchen, pouring water in the kettle and setting it to boil while he goes to get a mug out of the cupboard. He’s just pulled out the box of chamomile tea when he hears footsteps on the stairs. He glances over just in time to see Levi walk into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes with his wrist.

When he glances up and notices Dan, Levi startles. "Oh."

Dan flashes an apologetic smile. "Hey, bub."

Levi looks halfway to turning around and leaving, but when Dan greets him, he pauses, hesitating in the door awkwardly. "Sorry. I, uh-"

"Can't sleep?" Dan offers.

There's a sigh, and then Levi nods. "Yeah." He sounds so deeply exhausted. Dan's heart aches.

"Me either," Dan admits. "Not used to having the bed to myself, I reckon. Tea?" He gestures to the kettle.

Levi nods, moving to sit at the table. "Yes, please."

Dan is equal parts surprised, pleased, and touched that he agreed to tea, perhaps disproportionately so.. Pulling out another mug, he goes about fixing Levi a cup of the citrus tisane that he’s seen him go for after school and sets both mugs down gently. "It's hot," he says pointlessly, taking the seat across from Levi.

It's quiet as they wait for their tea to cool enough to drink. Levi's got his hands wrapped around the mug tightly, staring so intently at it that the steam catches his cheeks and nose and turns them subtly pink. Unsure of what to talk about, or even if Levi would want to, Dan stirs his tea absently with a wooden stirrer, watching the ripples of liquid lap gently against the mug.

The silence doesn't last long, though. After Dan takes his first sip of tea (still too hot), Levi clears his throat, glancing up at him with troubled eyes. "Can I... Can I talk to you about something, Dan?"

Dan swallows and sets his mug down, clearing his throat and nodding. "Of course. What's up?"

Levi looks away at this. "It's, like, a personal question. I guess."

Apprehensive now, Dan blinks at him and nods slowly. "Alright. Go for it." He almost wishes he wouldn't.

A few minutes pass where Levi seems to be trying to collect his thoughts, scratching absently at the table with his index finger. When he speaks, the question that he asks isn’t at all what Dan was expecting. “Why did you and Phil decide to foster?”

"Oh." Dan has to take a moment to consider that. "Well... I mean, lots of reasons. We both love kids, but it's not like we could really easily have kids of our own. And I wouldn't have wanted that, anyway. I wanted the chance to help someone.” He opens his mouth to say something else, then shuts it with a snap, thinking the better of it.

“And that’s all?” Levi presses. He sounds like he’s fishing for a certain answer. 

Dan hesitates. He doesn’t exactly love the idea of airing Charlotte’s dirty laundry to Levi, so he delicately picks his way around the topic. “Well… Towards the end of the past school year, I was approached by a student who was having some issues at home. I had to step in, and that whole situation really affected me.” He laughs then, bitterly. He doesn't know how much of this to reveal either, really, but he feels like if he can relate to Levi with anything, it's having a rough home life. "And I mean, I know what it's like to have shitty parents, so. I guess personally, I can't speak for Phil, but... I guess I just wanted to prove I was better than that, especially after that situation with one of my students."

Levi nods slowly, his gaze dropping to his tea when it's clear that Dan is done speaking. He clears his throat before gesturing vaguely in Dan's direction. "What were they like? Your parents." He looks abruptly horrified. “If you, like, are comfortable. About that.” His voice trails off awkwardly. 

It takes Dan a moment to process Levi’s question, but when he does he’s a little surprised. And that's not something he's willing to share with a teenager, especially not one he's supposed to be a parental figure for. "Doesn't really matter, the specifics of it," Dan says with a shrug. "I had a rough time with the other kids at school and neither of them noticed or cared." His mind unhelpfully adds that it was his father that did that, specifically, and it isn't fair to blame that on his poor mum. "I don't think any child should have to feel the way I did when I was growing up," he says quietly.

It's quiet for so long that Dan is afraid he’s inadvertently ended the conversation. "Do you think you're doing a better job?" Levi asks suddenly.

Dan nearly laughs. "Well, I hope so. But I guess I can't really know that for sure. I'm probably doing what most parents do, which is just the best I can. It's not like there are rules to follow or, like, a rubric for parenting." He figures this whole thing would be a lot easier if there was. A rubric on how to handle feelings one has for their best friend would also be pretty clever, too.

"Well. Mia and Jai seem to really like you guys," Levi says. Dan's not sure if he's imagining any bitter tone or if it's actually there. He definitely sees the sadness on his face when he stares down into his mug.

"Does that bother you?" Dan asks gently.

Levi shrugs. "Not really. I'm glad they're not- that what happened to me isn’t happening to them."

He doesn't elaborate, and Dan's terrified to ask him to. His throat is tight and he unthinkingly reaches across the table and rests his hand on Levi’s. It’s the first time Dan has ever touched him, and it’s awkward, but when Dan goes to pull away, Levi gives him a wry half-smile, and Dan allows his hand to linger for just another moment.

"Well," Dan says, drawing his hand back and trying to talk around the lump in his throat. "We want to do everything we can to keep you guys safe and happy."

Levi nods, but gestures vaguely at the room around them. "I know, I get that. I still worry about them, though."

Dan's throat is tight at the idea that he may have ever given these kids a reason to fear for their safety. He knows realistically that he's done everything to ensure that's not the case but hearing Levi's words sends a shock of frozen fear straight to his heart. "I know it's hard to not worry about them. I've got a little brother myself. We're not very close now, but I understand." He hesitates before finishing. "You don't have to worry about them here, though. I know we aren't your real parents, but Phil and I really do care about you guys very much, and we'll do whatever it takes to make sure you guys are safe, okay?"

Levi stares at him for a second, blinking rapidly for a moment before nodding and looking down. He brings his hands up to cover his face and sniffs wetly. Dan is panicking already, halfway out of his seat in some deep-rooted desire to comfort him or help him somehow. However, he doesn't think Levi would be comfortable with that, even if they did just have a deep chat. Instead, he decides to give him some space.

Standing and grabbing his mug, Dan steps around the table to head to his room. As he passes Levi, the boy lifts his head, blinking up at Dan with wet eyes. Dan offers him a small smile, and risks an affectionate gesture, lifting his hand up to ruffle Levi's hair gently. "Finish your tea, and then you need to be off to bed, yeah?"

Levi nods, rubbing at his eyes again. "Alright."

"Goodnight," Dan says as he heads out of the room.

"Dan?" Levi calls softly just before Dan steps into the hall. Dan turns and quirks an eyebrow. Levi looks down, scratching at the table. "I know it was Charlotte."

Dan feels his heart drop. “Oh.” 

Levi glances up at him quickly, shrugging awkwardly. “We… She told me about it, once. She asked why I went to your office at the end of the day and I told her you were fostering me, and well… She told me what you did for her and her brother.” 

“Right,” Dan says slowly, still unsure of Levi’s neutral tone. 

There’s a long beat of silence before Levi finally meets his gaze. “I know you and Phil are just trying to do a good thing. I’m sorry if I make it harder for you to do that.” 

Dan’s eyes are misting, and he tries to blink it away before Levi has a chance to notice. “You don’t,” Dan assures him, his voice cracking. “You don’t make it harder for us at all, Levi. We love having you here, okay?” 

The teenager nods, staring down at his lukewarm tea. “I… Thank you. For… you know,” he says, gesturing vaguely around him. 

Dan isn’t sure if he means the tea, the chat, or the fostering in general, but he can't help but smile fondly either way. "Of course, bub. Anytime." He gestures to the sink with his own mug. "Rinse your mug when you're finished. Love you."

He’s met with silence, but it’s not heavy. If anything, he feels lighter than he has all weekend.

~~~

The weekend is busy, even by their typically-busy standards. Levi does get permission to spend some time at Charlotte’s foster home after their group therapy on Saturday, so after dropping him off before the start of therapy, Dan is sure to get Charlotte’s foster family’s assurance that they’ll drop Levi off at home before dinner. After that, Dan and the twins head home so Jaiden and his friend can work on their science project. Much to Amelia’s delight, Dan convinces Louise to bring her two children over so Amelia can have a playdate with Darcy and baby Pearl while Dan and Louise try to supervise the science project. It’s all kind of chaotic, but Dan’s heart feels remarkably warm.

Still, as soon as their guests are gone and his other child is returned home to him in one piece, Dan finds he really appreciates the way the flat rings with resounding silence and peace.

He’s practically counting down the minutes until Sunday night when Phil’s flight is due to land in London. He feels a little ridiculous for how excited he is, but he just misses him, more than he has in what felt like years. Of course, he always craves Phil’s company and didn’t enjoy their time apart, but this time it just felt different, worse. So, if he struggles to stay awake long after going to bed, in hopes that he’ll be awake when Phil gets home, well, he can’t really be blamed for his own pathetic behavior.

Ultimately, though, he fails. He’s all but dead to the world for an undetermined amount of time, but when he’s slowly jostled into consciousness by a dipping mattress and the shuffle of sheets and limbs, he’s vaguely aware of one thing, and that thing is that Phil has to be home by now or his body would have surely let him continue sleeping in peace.

Rolling over and bumping into something solid, Dan can’t help a sleep-drunk grin from stretching across his lips. “Mm. Hey,” he whispers into the darkness of their room, unsubtly koala-wrapping himself around Phil almost instantly.

Phil makes a sound deep in his throat like a laugh, and Dan really fucking missed that. “Hey. Sorry I woke you,” Phil whispers back.

“Didn’t.” Dan lies unabashedly, maneuvering himself until he’s reasonably sure his face is near Phil’s. Dan’s got his eyes closed, still completely exhausted from the weekend he’s had, but he doesn’t want to waste another moment not touching Phil in some way. Using his hands to help guide him, he skims over Phil’s forehead and nose, getting a gentle grip on Phil’s chin to tilt his head to the side. The expanse of his cheek that Dan can feel just a breath away from his own lips is perfect for kisses, he thinks sleepily.

It’s very possible he’s still half-asleep, which probably fuels his insane behavior as he leans in and presses kiss after kiss to Phil’s cheek and jaw. If Phil has a problem with it, he’s got a really funny way of showing it. He feels one of Phil’s hands come up to card through his hair, and Dan’s living for it.

“I missed you, love.” His voice is gravely and low, exhausted in the way it gets when he’s been awake too long. Dan missed that, too.

Peppering another couple of kisses along Phil’s jaw and dropping one to his ear for good measure, Dan sighs and pulls away, dropping his head to Phil’s chest, snuggling against him unashamedly. “Flight okay?” He says, sleep blurring his words together.

Phil laughs. Dan smiles faintly. “Yeah, it was fine. We’ll talk in the morning, yeah? Go to sleep, baby.”

“Mm. Mhm. That sounds nice.” He’s already drifting back off. He’s not fully under yet, and he feels Phil shift under him. Dan makes a whiny noise of protest at that, but Phil shushes him gently. It’s easy for Dan to settle down after that, a familiar heartbeat under his ear and a hand carding through his hair in familiar sweeps. Yeah, he really, really missed this.

~~~

On Monday, Dan wakes up first. Phil doesn’t have the day off, even as late as he got in the night before, but Dan has no intentions of waking him up yet. He’s careful as he crawls out of bed and heads for the shower, taking extra care to be quiet as he showers and gets ready for the day. After managing to get fully dressed without Phil stirring at all, Dan makes his way out of their room and down the hall to the twins’ bedroom. He listens for any noise before opening the door, smiling when he sees them both curled up with their respective plushies. Flicking the light on, Dan makes his way to the window to open the curtain. “Time for school,” he says in a sing-song voice. “C’mon, kiddos, wake up. Gotta get ready.” Amelia whines as she covers her head with her pillow, while Jaiden doesn’t stir at all. With a sigh, Dan goes over to him first, gently shaking his shoulder. “Jai, come on. Time to wake up.”

After a few minutes of this, Jaiden finally rolls over, blinking up at Dan through bleary eyes. “Is Dad back yet?” He asks, sounding sleepy and confused.

“He’s still in bed, we’re letting him have a lie-in today, yeah? But if you and your sister get up and get dressed really quick, I’ll let you go wake him up. Sound like a deal?” Dan holds his hand out for a handshake.

Jaiden grins, suddenly wide awake. “Okay!” He pushes Dan out of the way before skipping over to Amelia’s bed, hopping up and shaking her rather violently. “Wake up, wake up!” He screeches gleefully.

“Alright, alright, don’t torture her,” Dan says with a pleasant roll of his eyes. “I’m gonna go make sure Levi’s up, but when you guys are finished getting dressed you can go wake Phil.” They agree with excitement in their voices, and he shoots them a semi-stern look as he steps out of their room. “Be nice to him, though, no jumping on him and screaming, okay? He got in very late last night.”

They agree, perhaps only slightly less excited, and then they’re off to their dresser to get their clothes out for the day. Dan leaves them to it, heading upstairs to check on Levi. The door is pulled shut, as it usually is, so he knocks quietly before cracking it open. “Hey, bub. Just checking that you’re awake,” Dan greets softly after poking his head around the door. He frowns when he takes a better look at him. “Levi?”

The teen raises his head up a little, staring at Dan like he’s seeing straight through him. It almost makes Dan’s blood run cold. He wonders, idly, if that’s what Phil sees on his bad days, when Dan can’t even make it out of bed. Just the thought that Phil might feel this way looking at Dan makes his stomach lurch. “I’m awake,” Levi says. His voice is hoarse and flat.

Stepping inside the room, Dan makes his way over to the bed, gesturing at it vaguely. “Mind if I sit?” he asks quietly.

Levi’s eyes flit from the fixated point on the ceiling to assess Dan. They hold eye contact for a brief, tense minute, and then Levi shrugs. Dan takes that as a yes, and settles gently on the edge of the bed, giving Levi plenty of space. He waits to see if Levi will speak first, maybe tell him what’s wrong before Dan has to work out how to ask for himself.

He’s saved from having to do so when Levi sighs a few minutes later. His gaze doesn’t leave the ceiling, even as he speaks again. “Can I stay home today?” He asks.

Dan studies him for a moment. He doesn’t look ill at a glance, necessarily, but Dan can tell that something is definitely wrong. He may not know exactly what it is, but there’s definitely something going on. “Do you have a fever?” Dan asks. When Levi shrugs, Dan reaches forward, settling the back of his hand against Levi’s forehead. He’s not even a little bit warm. If anything, he’s kind of clammy. “You don’t feel like you’ve got a fever.”

Levi shrugs. “Okay.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Dan doesn’t think he’s going to ask to stay home again, but he’s not an idiot. He knows he can’t send him to school like this. If what Levi is feeling is anything like what Dan went through at that age, he knows that what he needs is a day off.

“Alright. Stay in bed today, then. I’ll text to check in on you every couple of hours, okay?” Dan stands, not really expecting an answer as he heads to the bedroom door.

“Dan?” Levi calls.

Dan turns to glance at him, quirking an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Levi looks a little lost for words. “Um… thanks.”

Smiling, Dan shrugs. “Sometimes you just need a mental day off. I get it. Call me if you need anything today, okay? I’ll leave some money on the kitchen table if you want to order some takeaway or something later.” He turns to head out of his room then, careful to close the door behind him.

“Thank you,” he hears Levi call before he shuts the door completely.

When he gets back downstairs, Dan heads to the kitchen, not expecting Phil and the twins to be there already. They are, though, Phil stood in front of the cupboard with Amelia on his hip, pulling out a box of chocolate shreddies while Jaiden tells him a story about his dream from the table. Dan stands there for a moment, just appreciating the scene in front of him, until Amelia notices him over Phil’s shoulder.

“Daddy!” She says happily. She waves at him, scrambling out of Phil’s arms to skip over to him.

“Good morning, lovely,” he says on a laugh as he scoops her up. “Did you and your brother wake Dad up?”

She nods, covering her mouth as she giggles. “We did! He pretended he was still asleep and then he tickled us!” She sounds positively delighted.

Dan glances over at Phil at this, finding the other man already looking at them, a fond, goofy smile on his face. “Did he?” Dan gasps, pretending to be scandalized. Amelia laughs and nods. Dan smiles and gently sets her down, gesturing for her to join her brother at the table. “Well, we’ll have to ground him for it, I reckon.” Dan grins at Phil as he steps closer to him, accepting the hug that Phil pulls him into.

“Hey, I was the victim!” Phil protests sheepishly. “I was just trying to sleep, and these little goblins climbed in my bed and told me it was wake-up time!”

Dan laughs, although it’s almost a snort. “Right, and it was so horrible being woken up by your children who haven’t seen you in three days,” he teases, petting Phil’s hair.

Phil pulls away enough to grin at Dan, his tongue between his teeth. “Says you, Mr. Crying on the Skype Call but Rolls out of Bed at the Crack of Dawn when I’m Home.”

“Very clever,” Dan deadpans. He pulls away completely, knowing that from the twins’ perspective it probably looks a little strange for them to just stand there hugging in the middle of the kitchen. “I was trying to be nice, you know,” he adds.

“Yeah?” Phil asks, and Dan glances at him just in time to see him roll his eyes dramatically, smiling when he sees the twins’ giggly reaction to his theatrics.

Dan pokes him in the side to get him out of the way so that he can pour their cereal. “Yes, you actual heathen. I was trying to let you have a lie-in. Isn’t that what I told you two?” He asks, turning to look at Amelia and Jaiden.

Jaiden nods straightaway. “You told us not to jump on him or scream when we woke him up.”

Sticking his tongue out at Phil triumphantly, Dan finally turns back to the task at hand. “Told you,” he sings. He’s already moved on, grabbing the almond milk out of the fridge and pouring it carefully into each bowl, when his train of thought is derailed completely by the feeling of arms wrapping around his waist. “Oh,” he nearly squeaks.

Phil kisses his cheek. “You’re really sweet. Thank you for the lie-in.”

Dan manages to stammer out a response, even while he’s trying, and failing, to maintain eye contact in their close proximity. “Yeah, of course,” he mumbles.

There’s a hint of a smirk on Phil’s lips as he leans in, kissing Dan again, this time just a bit closer to Dan’s lips. “I’m gonna go get dressed and then I’ll pack lunches, yeah?”

“Mhm,” Dan hums, setting the twins’ cereal in front of them and going back to retrieve the spoons he’s just realized he’d forgotten, and very much not thinking about how he could feel Phil’s breath on his lips as he spoke. “Do you want Crunchy Nut?” He asks as Phil goes to leave the kitchen.

“Mm, yeah, that’s fine. Coffee should be done in a minute, by the way,” Phil calls over his shoulder, already off down the hall.

Taking a moment to gather himself after what was a surprisingly intimate moment for so early in the moment, Dan waits until he’s fairly sure he’s back to himself before turning back to the cupboard to retrieve a bowl for Phil and the beloved box of (Dan’s) Crunchy Nut. He’s listening to the twins talk while he does the mindless task of pouring cereal when he hears two voices floating into the kitchen. He glances up as Phil walks in, Levi behind him. Levi’s got a vacant look in his eyes as he slumps into a chair at the table, not making eye contact with either of them.

“I thought you were staying home today, bub?” Dan says, his voice saturated in confusion. Levi shrugs, staring at the table, his gaze unfocused. The twins glance between them with intrigue, and Dan gestures to their cereal pointedly.

Phil gives Dan a strange look. “I told him to get ready for school,” he says evenly. He doesn’t meet Dan’s eyes as he steps over to the coffee maker, grabbing two mugs out of the cupboard above it.

“What?” Dan asks, spinning to face him. He’s not mad, exactly, but he’s confused, and a little annoyed that Phil seems to not realize that something isn’t right with Levi.

“He doesn’t have a fever,” Phil shrugs. He pours both cups full of coffee before finally meeting Dan’s eyes. He looks nearly defiant.

Dan stares at him. “I told him he could stay home today.” Dan’s not backing down from this. If there’s one thing he’ll willingly fight with Phil over, it’s definitely the mental wellbeing of their kids.

“Dan, he needs to be-“ Phil starts, his voice tired, as if Dan is a child who doesn’t understand what he’s being told.

“He said he didn’t feel well, and we decided that today he might just need a day off.” Dan crosses his arms then, leveling Phil with a glare.

Phil stares back, clearly trying to assess how to handle this. Finally, he settles on, “I think we should discuss this in private.”

Shrugging, Dan glances over at the kids. Amelia’s already getting up and taking her bowl to the sink, and Jaiden’s shoveling the last couple of bites in his mouth. Dan sends Levi an apologetic look. “Levi, could you go to your room for a minute?”

The teen shrugs but pushes himself away from the table and slumps away, his shoulders sagging like he’s absolutely carrying the weight of the world on them. Dan’s heart aches seeing it, and he can’t help but think about how that used to be how he felt, too. He waits until the twins have disappeared down the hall and Levi’s footsteps fade away up the stairs before turning to face Phil, crossing his arms again.

Phil rolls his eyes. “Please don’t make this a fight,” he pleads.

“I’m not making it a fight,” Dan scoffs. “I told him he could stay home today.”

“You didn’t even ask me how I felt about that,” Phil says, softening his voice. He brushes a hand through his hair, and Dan realizes how tired he looks when his face is tilted, the light making the shadows under his eyes even more prominent.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says, shrugging. He feels a genuine stab of guilt at the realization that Phil is right, but he still isn’t giving up his side of the argument here. “But I think we need to give them mental health days. Anyone who’s gone through the kind of things they’ve gone through at their age is going to have days where they just need a break, Phil.”

Phil sighs, and Dan can tell he’s going to argue even before he speaks. “What if they abuse that privilege, Dan? What then? How do we make them go to school if they decide to claim they need a mental health day anytime they feel like skipping? And if we make them go, then we’re just going to look like dicks for going back on our word.”

“Well we can just give them a certain number of days per term. I honestly don’t think they’ll abuse the privilege, I mean, look at them. The twins have been loving school, and do you honestly think any fifteen-year-old is going to want to spend all day in a house they’re not fully comfortable in, by themselves?” Dan gestures around them as he speaks, hardly even realizing he’s doing it but acutely aware of how angry it probably makes him seem. He takes a deep breath, pausing to collect his thoughts. “Remember that day you called in sick for me a few weeks ago? And you stayed here to take care of me?”

Phil nods, but looks away. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t have the flu, Phil,” Dan says gently.

“That’s different,” Phil says immediately, almost a knee-jerk reaction. 

Dan tilts his head at him. “How?”

“Because… you have a legit, diagnosed mental illness, Dan.” Phil rubs his forehead, as if he’s got a headache forming. Dan feels several stabs of guilt all at once.

Slowly, making sure Phil isn’t going to push his attempt at comfort away, Dan steps closer, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist loosely. Phil looks at him for a long moment, his eyes flickering over Dan’s face as if he’s looking for something. Whatever it is, he must find it, because he sighs, relaxing into Dan’s arms and laying his head against Dan’s shoulder. They stand like that for several long moments, the silence giving them a reprieve from their minor argument.

“I know it’s hard to think about it like this, but babe… Levi probably has a legit mental illness, too. I hate that, and I wish he hadn’t been through hell…” Dan’s throat closes up as he remembers, yet again, how little they actually know about the true nature of the kids’ home situation before they were put into foster care. There’s absolutely no telling what they’ve had to live through before now. He forces himself to finish his thought. “But he has. They all have, probably to different extents. And I know you don’t entirely agree, but I really think we need to let him have today off.”

There’s a long stretch of silence between them, but eventually Phil sighs. “Okay. He can stay home today.”

“Yeah?” Dan asks, unable to hide his surprise as he pulls away and studies Phil’s face. He doesn’t look anything other than completely serious.

“Yeah. But, this is a test run. We’ll see if he can behave, and if it works out, we’ll work out how the mental health days are gonna work.” Phil looks away then, chewing on his lip. “I don’t want him to feel how you felt, when you were his age. I…” Phil glances at him like he isn’t sure he can complete the thought. Dan nods, encouraging him to continue. “I want him to know he can talk to us, and he has support and a family who loves him.”

Dan nods jerkily, feeling his eyes misting with tears. He tucks his face against Phil’s neck, breathing out softly, trying to get a grip on his emotions. “I…” He falters. He doesn’t mean it the way he should, as a friend; he can’t say it, not right now when they’re both so emotionally vulnerable. “Thank you,” he settles on. “I’m really proud of how much you care about them.”

Phil kisses his hair before gently pulling away, likely remembering they’ve actually got places to be at a certain time. “I care about all of you. I’m sorry I was kind of a dick about it. I know how important mental health and stuff is to you.”

The fact that Phil recognizes that as something that Dan is passionate about makes his heart swell about three sizes. He leans in before Phil can get too far, kissing his cheek. “You were just doing what you thought was best, and I’ll always appreciate you for that. Even if we don’t agree on it.”

Phil tilts his head, giving Dan a small smile. “Yeah,” he says simply. “Do you want me to go tell Levi he doesn’t have to go to school?”

Dan glances at the time, grimacing when he sees they’re almost running late. “I’ve got that, actually, if you’ll do lunches?”

“Oh, yeah. Go ahead, I’ve got it,” he waves Dan out of the kitchen as he goes about collecting their lunch boxes and grabbing the little snacks and treats he stocks them with. Dan’s heart swells with so much love at the simple gesture, he thinks he might actually burst with it.

Before he does something stupid, he ducks out of the kitchen, making his way upstairs to speak to Levi. He nearly trips over him, though, having not noticed that Levi is sat on the stairs. “Oops, sorry, I- were you listening to us?” Dan asks suddenly, cutting himself off.

Levi looks vaguely sheepish behind the clouded gaze. He shrugs. “I just wanted to know if I needed to finish getting ready for school or not,” he admits.

Dan laughs quietly, taking a seat on the stair beside Levi and looking at him. “Right. Well, I reckon you heard us say you could stay home, then.”

Levi nods, glancing down at his hands. He’s got a complicated look on his face. “Yeah. Um… Thank you. For talking to him about it. I… Yeah. Thank you,” he repeats, stuttering through nearly every word. He’s barely managing to keep fleeting eye contact with him, but Dan appreciates the sentiment anyway.

“Of course. He might seem a little… I don’t know, unreachable, I guess, but he loves you and your siblings so much. We both do, yeah?” Dan ruffles his hair gently. He’s noticed that’s one form of physical comfort that Levi seems perfectly okay with.

“Yeah,” Levi nods, still having a staring contest with his hands. “I know.”

Dan’s heart warms at hearing confirmation that Levi knows they really do love them. He knows they’ve tried to be nothing but inviting and comforting, but he was never sure how much that seemed like overbearing parenting or just genuine affection. He’s happy to hear that perhaps it’s the ladder. With a pat on the back, Dan stands, knowing that he’ll be late for work if he spends any more time chatting. “You’re fine staying here alone, right?” he asks, turning to glance over at Levi for reassurance.

Levi nods. “Yeah.”

“Good. We’ll be home when we usually are. You can help yourself to anything in the kitchen, or order takeaway, or whatever.” Dan waits until Levi nods again before smiling and heading to the kitchen to get his things to leave for work, calling for the twins to come get their backpacks as he goes.

Phil is snapping Jaiden’s lunchbox closed when Dan walks in. He flashes a small smile at Dan before his gaze falls somewhere behind him, where Dan can hear two pairs of little feet making their way into the kitchen. “Do you guys have everything you need in your backpacks?” Phil asks, making his way over with their lunches.

“Yes,” Amelia says with a nod. She turns around as she usually does, allowing Phil to unzip her backpack and check before he slides her lunchbox in too.

He’s just turned to do the same for Jaiden when Jaiden points to the sliding glass door over the balcony. “Can I go say goodbye to the pigeons?” He asks.

Phil blinks. “Er, yeah, sure,” he replies, glancing over at Dan with a surprised and confused look on his face. Dan only shrugs in response.

Jaiden walks over dutifully and opens the door, stepping just outside and folding his hands behind his back. “Goodbye Robert, and Millie, and Sam, and Julien, and…” He continues listing off names, far more names than there are pigeons, and Dan can’t help but giggle, covering his mouth so Jaiden doesn’t hear and get embarrassed.

Amelia starts tapping her foot, or trying to, at least. She doesn’t quite have the hang of keeping her heel on the floor while her toe taps so she’s practically stomping, her little arms crossed in front of her as she stares at her brother, the epitome of boredom. That sends Dan even further into hysteria and he can’t help the full-blown laugh that escapes his mouth.

Luckily, Jaiden seems to be finished. He turns and comes back inside, carefully sliding the door shut again before going to stand in front of Phil, facing away so he can place his lunchbox in his backpack. Phil shares a grin with Dan as he grabs the little box. “Alright, all set!” He announces after he’s zipped up the bag.

Jaiden turns to give Phil a fleeting hug, waving without looking as he starts out of the kitchen. “Bye, Dad, see you later!”

Phil stares after him, looking even more bewildered than before. “Uh… Okay, yeah. Bye, love you!” He calls, his voice bordering on sarcastic.

Dan snorts out a very unattractive laugh, grinning when Phil glances at him. “Bye, Phil, we’ll be going now!” Dan teases, guiding Amelia out the door and tossing his laptop bag over his shoulder.

“Uh, no, you’ll kiss me goodbye or it’ll be death by my bare hands,” Phil argues. Dan is definitely, absolutely blushing when he processes Phil’s words.

Amelia giggles from in front of Dan, darting around him to go give Phil a proper hug goodbye. Dan sighs dramatically, spinning on his heel and giving Phil a blank stare. He’s fighting a giddy smile, and probably losing, if Phil’s little grin over Amelia’s head is anything to go by. As soon as Amelia has skipped away, Phil stands from where he’d crouched to hug her, giving Dan an expectant smirk. “Well?” He says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Dan forces himself not to overthink as he steps closer, bringing his left hand up to the back of Phil’s neck to pull him closer. Their eyes are locked, and even though he’s looking for it, Dan sees no protest in the ocean of Phil’s gaze. There’s just fondness, deep and endless. Quickly, so he has plausible deniability later, Dan presses his lips to Phil’s in a soft, fleeting kiss. “Bye,” Dan says when he pulls away. He jokingly tugs on a lock of Phil’s hair above his fingers, and Phil winces, a little smile curved on his lips.

“Drive safe, love.”

“I will.” He’s already down the hall where the twins are waiting by the door when he remembers something. “Oh! Babe, do you mind leaving a tenner or two on the table for Levi in case he needs it?” Dan calls as he tugs his shoes on.

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Phil calls back.

“Thank you! Love you!”

Dan hears Phil let out a giggly breath at that. “Love you too! Go to work, you’re gonna be late!”

Smiling, Dan steps out the door, the twins following behind right after him. As soon as they’re all walking down the hallway, Amelia giggles loudly. Dan glances at her, quirking an eyebrow questioningly. She covers her mouth, but he can see the smile. “What?” He asks, wiping his face in case he’s gotten something on it.

She shrugs before sharing another grin with Jaiden. “You and Dad were kissing,” she giggles again as soon as she says it.

Dan blinks. They didn’t, not really. Well. Kind of. “So?” he settles on, offering a confused smile. “We do that sometimes.” They don’t. Well. They usually don’t.

Amelia shrugs again, glancing at Jaiden and smirking as she looks at the ground. Jaiden looks thoughtful as they make their way to the car, but otherwise they’re both silent. They get in and get buckled up, and Dan assumes that’s the end of it.

Until they’re backing out and Jaiden clears his throat from the backseat. “I have a question,” he announces.

Dan nods at him, quirking a brow. “Alright, go for it.”

Jaiden looks dead into his eyes in the reflection of the rearview mirror as he speaks next. “With you and Dad, who’s the boy and who’s the girl?”

Dan is almost positive that he actually dies at that moment.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil have some conversations about parenting and make some plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four months without uploading she comes back with a new chapter! Thank you so much for your patience i love you guys!

It's a few days later when Dan finds himself in his office at school, looking over the schedule change requests that he's received over the past week. He's just added another to the pile of finished requests when his work phone starts trilling on the desk by his elbow.

“Hello, you’ve reached the office of Daniel Howell at Queensbury Secondary School, how can I-”

“Dan, it’s me,” Phil’s voice interrupts him. “Is this a- a bad time?”

"Oh! Sorry, yes- I mean no, it’s a fine time. A great time. I’m just going through some forms. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

"Yeah, everything's fine." Phil clears his throat and there's a pause that Dan doesn't know what to make of. "I’ve been meaning to ask you something."

Dan feels the tendrils of anxiety gripping at his chest now. "Okay," he says slowly, setting his papers down in front of him. "What is it?"

Phil doesn't waste any time. "Well- okay, I don’t particularly want to go, but I know you’re interested in everything that goes on with mental health charities and you told me about the thing you wanted to do at the school, and I think that’s really cool and maybe this will give you a chance to network with people already involved and-”

Dan can’t help but laugh at the rambling words, tripping over themselves in their haste. “Spit it out, bub, what’s your question?”

Phil takes a shaky breath. “So, the BBC is doing a fundraising event for a mental health charity. I wanted to know if you'd like to attend with me." His words are quick and short, like the request is a time bomb and he’ll explode if he doesn’t get it all out at once.

It takes Dan a moment to process the request, and when he does, a stupid part of his brain wants to ask for clarification on the nature of this joint outing. But he's not about to ask Phil if it's a date because that would be both ridiculous and mortifying, and besides, he already knows with his rational brain that it isn't. "When is it?" he asks instead.

"It's next Friday, a week from today."

Dan is opening his calendar as Phil speaks, checking to see if they have any prior events scheduled. They don't, which isn't too strange for a Friday night. He chews on his lip as he considers the offer. He's really interested in mental health charities and it would be great to get some more information about how they work and network with some of the people who actually work there. He's been trying to get the school board to approve a mental health support group for the secondary school for over a year, something only Phil and Louise are aware of. This would be perfect. The only thing holding him back...

"You know we'd have to deal with your nosy coworkers the whole night? And it'll be different being couple-y around other adults," Dan informs him. "I'm not saying I don't want to go, but..."

"I don't care. I think we can handle it, and I honestly don't care what they think about how we're acting or aren't acting." Phil's voice is firm and sure, and Dan wonders if he expected Dan to object for this very reason. "I want you there with me, if you want to be."

Dan smiles down at his desk at this. "Okay."

"You'll go?" Phil sounds mildly surprised, but overall very pleased.

"Yeah. I'd love to go with you."

Phil lets out what sounds like a relieved breath. "Okay. Perfect."

"I'd say see you then, but we live together," Dan jokes. He grins when he hears Phil snort.

"Bye, Dan. I'll see you at home later. Drive safe."

"Bye, Phil."

~~~

It's not until Dan gets home that evening that he realizes that in order for them to go out for an evening by themselves, they'll have to find someone to babysit the kids. It's a strange thought, suddenly. They hadn't really had a situation yet where neither of them could watch the kids, and it was strange to think that he was at the point in his life where he needed to enlist the help of another adult outside of his family to watch his children. He wasn't sure how he felt about it.

After sending all three of the kids off to do their homework, Dan makes his way to the kitchen to sort out their dinner plans for the evening. He's perusing their selection in the pantry when he hears the front door click shut. Rather than go to meet Phil at the door, Dan makes the executive decision to have pasta for dinner, moving over to the fridge to make sure they have everything they need.

"Hey," Phil greets from behind him.

Dan glances over, smiling at him. "Hi. Good day at work?"

Phil shrugs, dropping his jacket on the back of a chair haphazardly before coming to rifle through the cabinet next to Dan. "It was alright, yeah. How was yours?"

"Just another day. Nothing that exciting, I guess." He closes the fridge without looking inside, turning to rest his palm against the counter beside it as he studies Phil. "So, we need to find someone to watch the kids on Friday."

It takes Phil a few more minutes of rummaging through the shelves before he glances at Dan. "Alright. I can ask Martyn if he's busy?"

Dan nods. "That's fine. If he can't, we can find someone else” Dan snorts then, a thought occurring. “Honestly, it’s an hour from here to Reading, Mum could come babysit if we really needed her to."

"Sure." Phil turns to face him with a smile, revealing a little bag of mini marshmallows. He stares Dan dead in the eyes as he rips it open and pops a handful of the colorful treats into his mouth.

Dan quirks a brow, crossing his arms. "You insolent shit, you're spoiling your dinner," he chastises, chewing on the corner of his lip to hide his smile.

Phil shrugs as his hand sneaks back up to his mouth. "Want some?" He offers.

Rolling his eyes, Dan lets out a huff. "You're a child," he says, hauling himself to sit up on the counter as he holds a hand out. "Give me some pink ones, they're the best."

The sheepish grin that lights up Phil's face is definitely worth spoiling his appetite. He steps between Dan’s legs and carefully pours out a small handful of marshmallow treats into Dan's palm, and then proceeds to pick out the white and blue ones for himself. Dan's chest is flooded with warmth as he watches the childlike glee on his best friend's face. It's immensely precious, a secret thought he holds close to his heart.

"I don't think they actually taste any different," Phil's saying. Dan barely hears him. "I'm pretty sure they all just taste of marshmallows. Like, vanilla, or whatever it is that marshmallows taste of."

“Mhm,” Dan hums, the pink marshmallow dust sweet on his lips as he enjoys his coveted snack.

~~~

"Could you pause your game, guys? We wanted to have a chat with you about something," Dan says. He and Phil had agreed that they needed to go ahead and tell the kids about their plans to leave them with a sitter for an evening, so they could go ahead and get used to the idea now. So, after finishing their covert snack, they'd gone upstairs where the twins were deep in a Mario Kart race, Levi coaching them both from the armchair.

At Dan's words, the three of them exchange a series of panicked looks. He'd nearly laugh if his heart didn't break at how the connotation of a "talk" has truly traumatized them forever.

"Everything’s fine, we promise," Phil prefaces, moving to sit on the sofa closest to the stairs. Dan follows, perching on the arm beside him. Almost without thinking, Phil drapes his arm over Dan's thighs, while Dan's arm falls to Phil's shoulder.

"Okay..." Levi says. Jaiden pauses the game and drops the joy-con, turning to face Dan and Phil completely. "Are we in trouble?" He asks.

Dan tilts his head to the side, smiling. "Have you done something to be in trouble for?"

Levi looks confused but shakes his head. "I don't think so?" He sounds unsure.

Phil nudges Dan's stomach with his elbow, gently digging into his skin. "You're not in trouble, bub, no. But, we just wanted to tell you guys that a week from today, Dan and I have an event to attend. So, we'll be finding a sitter to come stay with you that evening."

Amelia immediately perks up. "Can it be Miss Louise?" She asks excitedly.

Smirking, Dan shares a look with Phil. "We'll see. We might ask Phil's brother Martyn and his wife Cornelia to do it, but if they can't, we'll see if Louise will."

She doesn't look particularly happy about it, but Amelia nods in understanding. Jaiden doesn't seem too bothered either way, his hands twitching towards the joy-con as he clearly waits for them to say that was all.

Glancing at Levi, Dan can tell immediately that they're not all on board with the idea. "Levi? Would you be alright with that? It would only be for a few hours."

Levi shrugs, then shakes his head. "Why can't I watch them?" He asks, gesturing vaguely to his siblings. "I'm fifteen, I could stay here and take care of them."

Dan shares a look with Phil. They hadn't considered this. But, knowing each other as long as they have, their mental-symbiosis gives Dan the idea that maybe it wouldn't be the best idea, or at least they needed to discuss it in more detail first.

"We'd prefer to have someone else be here with you," Phil says carefully. "If there’s an emergency or something, we think it'd be best to have an adult here."

Levi shrugs, staring down at his feet and saying nothing.

“But, we’ll consider it, yeah?” Dan adds, sending Phil an imploring look. The older man shrugs, but nods. “Just give us some time to talk about it before we make a decision.”

“Okay,” Levi answers.

Dan moves his arm to pat Phil’s chest. “Let’s go start dinner.”

Phil nods, allowing Dan to drag him from the sofa and off towards the stairs. Dan’s mind is already building a pros and cons list for Levi’s request, so it’s not until they’re already downstairs that he realizes he and Phil are still holding hands. A little embarrassed, Dan releases his grip, mumbling something about starting some pasta.

"So, do you reckon we really ought to consider letting Levi stay here alone with them?" Phil asks quietly, moving to pull two wine glasses from their cupboard.

Humming, Dan pulls a box of pasta from the pantry, looking for a jar of pasta sauce and huffing when he can't find it. "I think we owe it to him to at least have a conversation about it, yeah."

A contemplative silence settles over the kitchen, punctuated by the sound of Phil pouring wine into the glasses. Dan finally spots the jar of sauce, hiding behind a box of crackers. He sets it beside the pasta before moving to the other side of Phil to rummage through the cupboard for a sauce pan.

"Honestly... As long as he keeps his phone on him, and checks in with us fairly often throughout the night... I wouldn't mind him watching them."

Dan's head snaps up at this, and he stares at Phil in surprise. He hadn't expected Phil to actually be on board with the idea. He tries to school his expression into something more neutral as he fills the pan with water and sets it on the stove, clearing his throat before speaking. "Yeah? It doesn't bother you?"

Phil hands him a glass of wine, shrugging. "Not really. I trust him to be responsible. I mean, we let him stay home from school by himself and he was fine."

Dan chews his lip as he stares at the water. He's not sure how to voice his opinion on this without sounding like he doesn't also think it's probably a good idea. "This is different, though," he says gently, blinking up at Phil. "We'd be holding him accountable for two children."

"I mean, yeah. But, I think he loves them enough that he'd keep them safe and be responsible with them." Phil pauses then, a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. "Are you... Do you think maybe we shouldn't let him?"

Taking a sip of the wine, Dan waves a hand dismissively. "That's not it," he says after he's swallowed. "I actually don't think it's a bad idea, I just... I don't know, I just didn't expect you to be so on board with it." He tries not to sound accusing. It's not an accusation.

Phil shrugs, scratching a fingernail against the counter absently. "Am I usually that strict?" He sounds sad, or maybe nervous.

Dan smiles softly. Reaching out, he tugs on the pocket of Phil's hoodie, dragging him closer and resting his head on Phil's shoulder. "Not exactly. Sometimes you're just more cautious about them than I am. You think through the situations more than I do, so sometimes you're a little more reserved about these kinds of things."

There's a soft huff of laughter that ruffles through Dan's curls. "I guess you're right," Phil agrees. He kisses Dan's hairline before gently shrugging him off, moving to grab the pasta to pour it into the boiling water. "So... Have we decided we're okay with letting him stay here with them?"

"I think so, yeah. If you're okay with it." Dan watches him pour the pasta in, reaching for the drawer to hand him a spoon when Phil needs it.

"I am. We'll talk to him after dinner, yeah?"

Dan nods. "Sure."

Phil steps back into his space and wordlessly pulls Dan against his chest again. Dan tucks his hands into Phil's hoodie pocket and hooks his chin over Phil's broad shoulder. Phil wraps his arms around Dan's shoulders and sighs. "You need a haircut," he whispers.

With a snort, Dan tilts his head and bites at a lock of Phil's hair. "So do you, mate."

"Can you call for a hair appointment tomorrow?" Phil requests, his voice a little timid.

Dan can't help but smile at this. Phil's grown his confidence over the years they've known each other, but there were lots of times after first settling into their friendship that he would ask Dan to make calls for him, always claiming he was too forgetful or lazy to do it himself. It took a couple years for Dan to understand the real reason.

_"Phil? You alright?" Dan had asked through the bathroom door. Phil had been retching on the other side for close to five minutes now, and Dan was panicking, completely out of his element here. He was barely twenty, he didn't know how to really take care of anyone when they're ill, not like this._

_"I'm fine," Phil had called weakly._

_"You sound kind of… not fine," Dan had countered, trying for gentle._

_It had taken a little while, but eventually Phil caved. "Could you call my mum?"_

_"Er- yeah? What- why do you need to speak to your mum?" Dan had been completely confused by then. Phil was a massive mumma's boy, but in the year or so they'd properly lived together, Dan had never known him to call her while he was ill._

_"I just- please, Dan." Phil had sounded so pitiful, but Dan was more worried now than before._

_"Can you let me in, Phil?" Dan had asked softly._

_Phil did, but he did not seem pleased by it. He looked everywhere but at Dan, settling back against the tiled floor of the bathroom and closing his eyes weakly. "I need mum to call in a prescription for me."_

_Dan's brows had crinkled in confusion. "For what?" Before Phil could answer, Dan had remembered Phil mentioning his terrible migraines, and vaguely remembered him coming home with a little white paper bag from the pharmacy. "Your migraines?"_

_Phil nodded mutely._

_“I can call it in. Where's your phone?"_

_Phil had barely had the energy to look surprised, but after Dan found the phone and called the prescription in, he went about making Phil some soup and doing his best to take care of him as well as he could, with his limited knowledge. Later that evening, with Buffy playing in the background, Phil had quietly told Dan that he had sometimes found it extremely difficult to do phone calls or things like that. “I know it’s stupid and- and everyone else thinks it’s easy, but it honestly just makes me feel so bad that I’d rather just. Not."_

_"I wish you would have told me," Dan had mumbled. "I can make calls for you. It doesn't bother me."_

Many years later, though, and now Dan understands the extent of Phil's social anxiety better than he did back then. Phil does as well, which makes it a bit easier for him to try and get a grip on it, but still, he sometimes struggles. But Dan's always there to help when that happens, and he can't imagine there ever being a time when he isn't.

"Sure. We probably need to get Levi and Jai's done while we're at it." Dan laughs a little before adding, "I reckon we should see if Mia would like a trim, too. God knows that child can't stand to be left out." He smiles against Phil's shoulder when he hears him giggle.

"She really can't, can she?" He muses, his fingers playing idly with the ends of Dan's hair.

"Mm," Dan hums in vague agreement. He sighs before pulling out of Phil's grip to stir the pasta. He pouts when Phil fully steps away, grabbing his glass of wine and taking a large sip. Dan's about to tease him when he hears the unmistakable sound of the twins thundering down the stairs. He rolls his eyes as Phil huffs, clearly slightly agitated at their inability to remember that they shouldn't run inside. "Is it really even worth it to keep chastising them about it?" Dan asks, sipping his own wine.

Phil snorts. "It's the principle of the thing, Daniel."

Still, when the twins burst into the kitchen, Phil doesn't say a word. Dan smirks at him, but Phil pretends he doesn't notice.

"What's for dinner?" Amelia asks, tapping her hands in an off-beat rhythm on the table.

"Spaghetti," Dan tells her, glancing over his shoulder and finding Jaiden staring out the balcony door, probably at his pigeons. He turns to look at Phil, gesturing to their son. "Will you help him with the birds? It's been a few days since we've put seed out."

Phil nods, and Dan focuses on checking to see if the pasta's done. He hears Phil grabbing the bag of bird seed, instructing the twins out the door and onto the balcony. They're gone for several minutes, and when they come back in, Dan glances over at them with a small smile.

"I don't know, Jai-bird. I can't really tell if the birds are girls or boys, but you can name them whatever you want anyway," Phil is saying.

Jaiden seems to consider this. "Could I just name all the fat ones Behemoth?"

Dan snorts.

"Uh, sure, bubby. Whatever you want." Phil sends Dan a baffled look, and Dan only shrugs, grinning.

Amelia and Jaiden settle at the table, arguing over pigeon names, while Phil returns back to the stove, rolling his eyes. Dan smirks, poking Phil in the stomach gently. "Did you find one thicc bird?"

Phil wrinkles his nose delicately. "Ew. Don't say that."

Dan giggles helplessly, stepping away when Phil gestures to the pasta, obviously intending on draining it. He gets as far as the sink, but as soon as he sets the pan down in order to grab the strainer, a little wave of water splashes over the side and onto his hand. "Shit!" he squeals, his eyes flying wide immediately after, glancing between the twins and Dan in a panic.

Amelia gasps. "You said a Daddy word!" She shouts gleefully.

Ducking forward, Dan quickly takes the pan away and turns the cool water on, taking Phil's injured hand and sticking it under the stream. He prays Phil's too stunned to register what she said.

"I'm sorry, I- wait, what?" Phil's head snaps to the side and he glares at Dan.

Well, shit.

"A Daddy word," Amelia repeats, pointing at Dan, as if naming him isn't enough condemnation for her. Dan sends her a dirty look. She just giggles.

"Daniel," Phil starts, enunciating carefully to be heard over the sound of the faucet. "Have you been swearing in front of our children?"

"No!" Dan protests. Phil quirks a disbelieving brow at that. "Okay, well, maybe. But not on purpose! And it was only once," Dan amends.

"Nuh-uh," Amelia argues from the table. "It was twice!"

Dan shoots her a pleading look. "Amelia! Whose side are you even on?"

She hides her laughter behind her hand. "Sorry!" She most certainly does not sound like she means it.

"Hm," Phil hums, sounding unimpressed. "Someone's sleeping on the sofa," he decides.

Dan knows he's kidding, but he plays along, wrapping his arms around Phil and whining. "But... Philll."

"Nope. Shut it, you." Phil tries to keep a straight face as he strains the pasta and returns it to the pan.

Dan releases him long enough for him to get it back to the stove and pour in the sauce, and then he's right back behind him, his arms wrapped around Phil's waist as he nuzzles against Phil's back. "Phil," he starts, voice saccharine sweet. "It's really just a misunderstanding, you know."

"I fail to see how," Phil quips.

Pressing a trail of kisses across Phil's shoulder blades, Dan hums. "I didn't mean to. If I did, in fact, swear in front of them, I assure you it was just an accident. Hypothetically"

Phil seems unconvinced. Dan gently bites at his shoulder. "Yeah, alright. But no more swearing in front of them or we're doing a swear jar."

Dan smiles, kissing the spot he bit. Phil shivers. Dan smirks.

"And," Phil adds, his voice just a touch louder. "You have to make me coffee in the morning. And take the bins out."

At this, Dan scoffs, pulling away enough that Phil can turn around to face him. "No way," Dan argues. "It's your turn to do bins!"

Phil is unwavering, giving Dan a smug smile as he holds up his burnt hand. "I'm injured, babe. Out of commission."

Dan glares. Holding eye contact, he leans toward Phil's hand, nipping gently at the side of Phil's hand.

"Ow," Phil says, with absolutely no conviction.

"That's what I think of you blackmailing me like this," Dan informs him, resigned to his fate.

Phil uses his hand, still just a breath away from Dan's face, to pull Dan's face closer so he can press a kiss to his cheek. Amelia and Jaiden make synced gagging noises behind them. "Thank you in advance for taking out the bins, darling."

"Shut up."

~~~

After they’ve all sat down for dinner, Dan clears his throat. “Levi, we talked about next Friday,” he begins.

Levi puts his glass down and turns to face him, his gaze darting back and forth between him and Phil. “And?”

Dan can’t help but laugh at his impatience. “You can stay here and watch them. But, you have to keep your phone on you, so we can check on you guys every hour or so, okay?”

“Sure,” Levi agrees, nodding. “How long will you guys be gone?”

Phil shrugs when Dan glances at him for the answer. "The event starts at seven, so probably no later than eleven, maybe earlier. Will you be alright here?"

Levi's eyes twitch into a roll but refocus when he probably realizes they're both watching him. "Yeah. I mean, they'll basically just be asleep after you guys leave."

"Right," Dan nods. He feels slightly more comfortable knowing that. "We'll make dinner or order takeout or whatever before we leave, and then you guys can do whatever after that." He glances over at the twins then, who have been mostly quiet, probably only passively listening. "But, you two still have to listen to your brother, okay?"

Amelia glances up at this. She smiles brightly and nods. Jaiden blinks, but then shrugs, which Dan figures is probably the best agreement he'll get from him. "What if he makes us go to bed early?" Jaiden asks, sparing a peek over at his older brother, who's rolling his eyes.

"Well, your bedtime is nine on weekends. So, you still have to go to bed at nine," Dan tells him.

Phil taps the table, causing both the twins to look up at him. He's got a mischievous look on his face. "Dan's right, bedtime is still nine on weekends. But we won't be here," he says this very slowly, enunciating every word. "So you have to listen to Levi when he tells you to go to bed..." He glances at Levi, grinning. "At nine."

Levi gets it first, smirking. "Right. Nine pm, sharp. Got it."

"Yep. Nine pm." Phil winks at Jaiden, and after a second, the boy seems to catch on, and his eyes widen with his grin.

"Okay!" He says gleefully.

Dan sighs. "Philip," he says, exasperated.

"Daniel," Phil replies on a sigh, his lips curled up in a smile.

"You can't just..." Dan starts, then stops. Phil quirks a brow, unbothered, but Dan decides this is one battle he can lose, as really the twins going to bed a little late isn't going to hurt anyone.

"What?" Phil asks, almost challenging.

"Nothing," Dan says, dropping his head to rest on his hand. "Nothing at all."

Phil smiles at him, shaking his head before turning back to finish his dinner. "This might be a little premature," he announces after a second, taking a pause then. The kids turn to glance at him, all of them taking a pause from eating at the tone of his voice. If Dan had his phone on him, it would make a hilariously creepy photo.

"Well, go on, then," Dan prompts. "Don't leave us hanging."

With a barely-concealed grin, Phil sets his fork down, clasping his hands together and studying each of their faces carefully. "This might be a little premature," he repeats. "But who would like to start thinking about what's for dessert?"

~~~

Later that night, after all the kids are tucked in, Dan and Phil find themselves getting ready for bed together, going through their usual nightly routine with big yawns and shared smiles. Phil passes Dan his medication and Dan makes sure Phil removes his contacts, and when they’re finished in the bathroom, Dan leads the way to their bed. He yawns as he flicks off his lamp and crawls beneath the covers, blinking in the low light of the room.

“Are you staying up?” He asks once Phil’s settled on his side of the bed.

“Mm. No, I’m exhausted, actually,” Phil hums in response.

Dan gestures vaguely to the lamp still shining on Phil’s nightstand. “Mind turning that off?”

Phil is quiet as he rolls over and pulls the chain, sending the room into pitch darkness. Dan blinks quickly, forcing his eyes to readjust to the sound of Phil shifting around on the bed, trying to get comfy.

“Cuddle?” Phil asks, his hand rubbing up and down Dan’s arm.

Frowning a bit, Dan shakes his head sheepishly. “I’m not really in a cuddly mood tonight bub, sorry.”

“Oh,” Phil sounds surprised. “Okay, that’s fine.” He sounds like he means it.

Dan gently catches Phil’s hand as he retracts it, bringing his knuckles up to his lips for a gentle kiss. Phil lets out a soft sigh at the contact, and Dan smiles against his skin before releasing his hand.

They lay in silence for several moments before Phil speaks. “You’re not upset with me or anything, are you?” He asks, his voice unmistakably nervous.

“No, not at all,” Dan assures him. “I dunno, I’m just... feeling kinda sweaty, don’t really wanna be snuggled. I’m not mad at you.”

“Alright,” Phil replies. A few seconds pass before he says, “I reckon the kids are excited for Friday.”

Dan smiles. “Yeah, cause you had to go and basically tell Levi to let them stay up late. I’d be excited too,” he says teasingly.

Phil giggles. “Sorry about that. But I honestly think they’ll crash early anyway, just out of habit.”

Shrugging, Dan rolls to blink up at where the ceiling would be if it wasn’t too dark to see anything. “For Levi’s sake, I hope they do.” He chews his lip, his mind swirling with a couple thoughts he’s been considering the last few days. “Do you think maybe Levi is still uncomfortable living here?”

“Hm...” Phil considers it for a few minutes before he answers. “I think... maybe he’s having a harder time adjusting than the twins did.”

Dan nods, wincing when he accidentally chews through the skin on his lip, drawing a little blood. He smacks his lips against the metallic taste, nearly gagging as he tries to speak. “Maybe we should try to spend some more one-on-one time with him,” Dan suggests then.

“Maybe. We could go see a movie together or something? The twins could stay with my brother,” Phil offers.

“That might be nice. Do you think he’d even want to spend more time with us?”

Phil laughs at that. “I mean, honestly... if I was his age, I probably wouldn’t. I’d just want to have my own space and be left alone.”

Dan considers this for a while, and they’re both silent long enough that he wonders if Phil’s fallen asleep. The question is answered for him when Phil scoots closer and drops a kiss on Dan’s temple. “Don’t think too hard, love. We’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees passively. “We can maybe ask him about it tomorrow, see if there’s anything we can do to make him feel more at home or something. Do you reckon he’s just missing some of his old stuff?”

Phil yawns. “Maybe. Dunno what we’d do about that.”

Dan nods to himself before patting around until he finds Phil’s hand. He laces their fingers together before nudging at Phil’s shoulder, prompting him to roll over to face the door, allowing Dan to be the big spoon.

“Thought you didn’t want a snuggle,” Phil mumbles.

Dan shushes him. Phil snickers.

“Love you,” Dan murmurs against Phil’s hair a moment later, eyes drifting shut. He’s almost hoping Phil didn’t hear him, the words isolated and completely defenseless.

Phil releases Dan’s hand long enough to reach back and squeeze Dan’s hip gently in a fond gesture. “Love you too. Goodnight.”

~~~

There’s a tapping noise coming from either inside Dan’s skull, or perhaps the door. He realizes, somewhere in his soup brain, that it’s probably the door, but given he’s only slightly awake, he’s not completely positive. It stops and starts a few times, and eventually enough is enough.

They’d separated from their cuddle at some point and Phil is flopped out on his back, while Dan’s curled up on his side. Dan nudges Phil’s hip with his knee in an attempt to wake him. “Phil,” he mumbles. No response. “Phil.” Dan punctuates this with a sort of gentle kick to the shin

“Ow,” comes the mumbled response.

“Phil,” Dan whines, exasperated.

“Hm?”

“Door. Go see who’s at the door.”

Phil smacks his lips loudly in his nearly asleep state. “‘M asleep,” he rebuttals.

And really that leaves Dan only one choice.

“Dan!” Phil nearly screeches, flailing on the bed, suddenly blanket-less and exposed to the sharp chill of the room.

Dan hums innocently from where he’s confiscated all their covers. “Go. Door.”

“Why didn’t you get it?” Phil grumbles, even as he willingly climbs out of bed.

Snuggling down into the blankets, Dan sighs. “You were closer.”

Dan listens to Phil’s footsteps and then the sound of the door creaking open. His ears perk up like some weird superpower when he hears sniffling, followed by a tiny, “dad?”

“Oh, come here, Mia,” is Phil’s answering response. Dan imagines Phil wrapping her up in a hug then, and his heart is gripped with longing and fondness.

“I’m scared of the storm,” Amelia admits between shaky breaths.

“That’s okay,” Phil tells her kindly. “You can come sleep with us, baby. Come on.”

“It’s dark in here,” Amelia whispers as Phil leads her to the bed.

“Hold on, love.” There’s the feeling of the bed dipping, then the click of the lamp turning on. Dan scoots back on the bed to make room, holding out his arms with a tired smile, relinquishing some of his covers. Phil climbs back into bed behind her, pulling the blankets to cover himself as well.

“Night, babygirl,” Dan whispers to Amelia, dropping a kiss to the top of her head before letting his eyes drift shut once more.

His serenity lasts for only a few seconds before he feels something poke his chest. “Daddy?” Amelia whispers. “Are you asleep?”

Dan hums. “Mm. Not anymore,” he jokes.

It seems to go over Amelia’s head, as she replies with a quiet, “oh, sorry.”

Shaking his head, Dan brings her to his chest, checking that the blanket is tucked up evenly around her. “It’s okay, love. Are you warm enough?”

“Mhm,” she replies. “But daddy... I left my stuffy in my room.” She sounds positively devastated.

Dan, who had almost fallen back asleep in the time it took her to say that, tries to push out of the haze of sleep to think up a response. “Mm. Do you have to have it?”

“Yeah,” she whispers.

He sighs. “Alright.” Clearing his throat, he blinks over at his co-parent. “Phil. Babe, Mia left her plushy in her room and needs you to go grab it.”

Phil lets out an exasperated sigh. “Dan,” he states, calm but on the verge of annoyance.

“You already got up and lost some of the warm, you’ll be fine.”

“I hate you,” Phil informs him, squinting over at him in the low light of the lamp that still hasn’t been turned back off.

Dan smiles. “I love you too. Get the bear.”

“It’s an elephant,” Amelia corrects softly.

“Yeah, that,” Dan agrees. “Get her elephant.”

Phil makes a huffing noise and leans down to ruffle Amelia’s hair. “You two are lucky I love you both so much,” he says with a resigned sigh.

Dan dimples up at him, endlessly fond. “Thank you, dear,” he calls after him as Phil makes his way out of the room.

Amelia rolls over to blink up at Dan with shiny, tired eyes. “We’ve got a good dad,” she tells him thoughtfully.

Kissing the top of her head gently, Dan smiles. “Yeah, I reckon we do.”

A few minutes later, Phil returns with the plushy in hand. He leaves the door cracked open, and when Dan quirks an eyebrow at him, he shrugs. “Just in case Jaiden wakes up and gets scared.”

Dan’s lips quirk into a soft smile as he nods. “Good idea.”

Amelia holds her little hands out for the elephant, which Phil hands to her before tucking her in. He stays standing beside the bed for a moment, his fingers tapping against his thigh in a jittery sort of fashion.

“Are you coming back to bed?” Dan asks, his tone teasing.

Phil glances at him, shrugging. “I’m debating.”

“On?” Dan asks when Phil doesn’t elaborate.

Phil gives Dan a pitiful look, bringing his hand to rest on his belly. “I’m hungry.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “You’re not eating in bed in the middle of the night.”

Phil pouts. “Not even a little snack? Just a biscuit?”

“Absolutely not,” Dan snorts, indignant.

There’s a sigh, and Phil pulls the covers back, sliding underneath, resigned. Amelia shifts closer to him and whispers something in his ear. Phil’s eyes widen in surprise before he looks to Dan, his face full of glee. “Is that right?” He says, voice teasing.

“What are you two whispering about?” Dan mumbles, feeling very left out.

Amelia glances over her shoulder at him, giving him a very pitiful face. “Nothing,” she says, smiling innocently.

Phil grins before sitting up, reaching over Amelia to gently pet Dan’s hair, definitely a gesture of someone who wants something. “Dan,” he begins, his voice already full of smugness.

“No,” Dan interrupts, staring at him resolutely.

“But-“

“Absolutely not. You get crumbs in my bed, you‘re sleeping on the sofa.”

Phil looks absolutely abashed. “But, Daniel, you wouldn’t send our sweet little girl to sleep on the sofa, would you?” The smugness intensifies.

Dan narrows his eyes, his gaze flicking between the two of them. “What did you tell him, Mia?”

She smiles, patting Dan’s arm gently. “I asked if I could have just a tiny snack. A little one.”

Phil blinks at Dan pointedly. “And how can we say no to her? What kind of parents are we if we let her go hungry?”

Dan snorts at that. “Both of you finished your dinner and had dessert. I don’t think either of you are going hungry.”

“Daddy, just a little snack? We’ll bring you one too,” Amelia pleads, her little brown eyes so full of hope and innocence. Dan has no will against it.

“Fine.” They cheer quietly before he shushes them. “But,” he continues. “You can’t eat in here. I’m not kidding about crumbs in my sheets. Eat it in the kitchen, alright?”

Amelia nods excitedly before climbing over Phil, already desperate for the promise of food. Phil looks positively delighted as he leans over to press a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “You’re the best,” he says happily.

“Mhm,” Dan grumbles, waving them away.

Phil glances over at him, tilting his head to the side a bit. “You coming?”

Dan smiles at him gently, shaking his head. “Nah. I think this should be your thing with her. I don’t think I’m the midnight snack parent here.”

Something fond crosses Phil’s face, and he glances over to where Amelia is waiting for him by the door, scared to go to the kitchen by herself probably. “Alright. Want us to bring you something?”

Snorting, Dan shakes his head again. “I’m not breaking my own eating in bed rules, so that’ll be a no. But keep it quiet, yeah? I don’t want everyone in this house to know the sin you two are up to.”

Phil sticks his tongue out and Amelia covers her giggle with her elephant. “Be right back, then.”

Dan nods and gets comfy while they disappear down the hallway. He listens for a while at the quiet sounds of them whispering, and he’s glad the kitchen is closer to their room rather than the twins’ room. He hears what sounds like clinks of spoons and he guesses they’re probably having cereal. He wants to snort at the predictability of his best friend, but even sitting a room away he can’t pretend to be anything other than fond.

When they return, Phil’s carrying Amelia, who is sleepy and smiley in his arms. He’s got a wide grin on his face, and Dan can’t help but return it when they climb into bed. “Good snack?” He asks.

Phil nods and Amelia giggles. “We had some cereal,” she informs him.

Dan looks Phil dead in the eyes, giving him the most bland look he can muster. “Shocker,” he says, deadpan.

They maintain eye contact for just a moment before bursting into a fit of laughter. Amelia looks confused, but happy.

“You and your cereal-thiefing ways,” Dan mumbles, raising his arm and letting Amelia snuggle up to him. Phil looks down at the bed with a sheepish grin as he lays down. “Night, Mia. Love you.” Dan punctuates his words with a kiss to the top of her head.

“Night, daddy,” she mumbles, clearly already on the verge of sleep.

Phil blinks at him expectantly. Dan rolls his eyes. Phil pouts.

Leaning over Amelia carefully, Dan sloppily kisses Phil’s cheekbone. “I love you too, you absolute toddler,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Phil looks more than pleased when Dan pulls away. Dan watches as he snuggles down under the cover, tucking the blanket around their daughter carefully before closing his eyes. “Love you, Dan,” he mumbles when enough time has passed that Dan honestly thinks he may have already fallen asleep.

Dan blinks the moisture from his eyes. “Goodnight, bub,” he murmurs, the sound of Phil’s deep breaths already filling the silence.

~~~

Saturday is the same uneventful sort of day as it usually is in the Howell-Lester household, the day moving slow with everyone off school and work for the day. Dan is in the kitchen making an early lunch for everyone when Phil walks in, talking on his phone. Dan smiles at him, which Phil returns, a little less enthusiastically.

“Yes, I know, Mum,” he’s speaking into the phone. “I told you, Dan and I needed to think about it. We can’t just force them to go to your house for Christmas, can you imagine how awkward they’d feel?” Phil rolls his eyes as his mum speaks, probably chastising him for keeping her grandchildren away from her.

Dan can’t help but wince on Phil’s behalf. It’s strange enough suddenly being parental figures for three children, but add in the fabrication of their romantic relationship and, well, Phil’s family is feeling very left out of the loop, despite the fact that they’ve met the kids over FaceTime countless times. Dan knows the other man is holding onto what’s left of his sanity by a thread at this point, with all the pressure from his mum and the obvious obstacles that come with parenting. Dan definitely doesn’t envy his situation right now.

“Right. But there’s five of us now, mum.” Phil sends Dan a pleading look, and Dan can’t help but snicker. Phil rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He hardly ever gets cross with his mum, so Dan knows something else must be bothering him. “I’ll talk with Dan about it, okay? I can’t make any promises, though. I...” he looks over at Dan then, something conflicting flashing across his face. “I have to put the kids first now, mum. We’ll see how they feel about it, okay?”

Dan tears his gaze away, focusing back on the sandwiches he’s meant to be crafting. He listens as Phil says his goodbyes, quietly murmuring for Phil to tell Kath he loves and misses her on Dan’s behalf. Phil relays the message and hangs up. A long sigh escapes his mouth then, and Dan can’t help but glance over at him.

Phil looks exhausted. His eyes are tired and his shoulders are slouched in a way that Kathryn would be rather appalled by. Dan’s heart feels a stab of sympathy for him.

“Rough talk?” He murmurs, trying to be careful with his inflection. He doesn’t want Phil to think he actually knows what they were discussing, even though he does.

“Yeah,” Phil whispers after a while. “Mum wants us to come to hers for Christmas.” Dan nods, staying quiet as he clears up the mess he’d made of the counter. Phil sighs again. “I don’t know what to tell her.”

Dan waits to see if there’s more, and when it’s clear that there’s not, he turns to face him, leaning on the counter. “Well, do you want to?”

“Do I want to what?” Phil asks, bewildered.

“Go to your family’s house for Christmas,” Dan elaborates, keeping his tone neutral.

Phil looks surprised, like he hadn’t thought to actually consider it. “I... well, I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I’m hoping we still have the kids by then.”

Dan hates the stab of fear he feels at the implication that there might be an alternative to that, but he forces it down, smiling and stepping closer to wrap his arms around Phil’s waist in a hug. He thinks idly about how this is their first hug of the day. “I reckon we ought to at least consider it.”

“Hold on, wouldn’t your mum be upset if we went to mine instead of hers for Christmas?” Phil asks, almost sounding accusatory.

Dan snorts, pulling away. “Not likely. She’d want to see us, sure, but their big family Christmas dinner is always the Saturday after anyway.”

“Oh,” Phil says, somewhat surprised. “You’ve never told me about that,” he sounds offended.

“I guess it never crossed my mind?” Dan replies, a little puzzled as to why Phil seems to care. “Either way, my mum wouldn’t be fussed.”

Phil looks away as he considers it. Dan steps out of his personal space to give him room to think, moving around the kitchen and setting the table for lunch. Finally, Phil says, “I’ve never not been at my family’s house for Christmas Day.” He whispers it, like he’s ashamed.

Dan turns to glance at him, raising an eyebrow in surprise. “Yeah?” He says lightly, prompting him to elaborate if he wants.

“I don’t want to force the kids to go somewhere else if it’ll make them uncomfortable,” he continues quietly. “And I don’t want to not see my parents on Christmas, but…” He takes a breath, looking up at Dan with something vulnerable in his eyes. “I won’t leave you alone with the kids on Christmas.”

“Well...” Dan pauses to consider their options. “We could invite your family here, just for Christmas Day. Or we could speak to the kids and ask how they feel about Isle of Man for a holiday. You never know, Phil, they might actually want to go. They’ve met Kath enough through calls and all that, I really don’t think they would mind going.”

Phil nods slowly, his eyes becoming a little unfocused as he spaces out, deep in thought.

Before they can reach any sort of agreement, the twins come barreling into the kitchen, followed by their older brother, who looks vaguely apologetic. Whatever thoughtful silence that had existed in the kitchen before is completely gone when they enter.

“I tried to tell them not to run,” Levi says, shrugging.

At the same time, Amelia grabs the back of a chair, hopping up and down behind it as she asks, “What’s for lunch?”

Jaiden is the only quiet one, drifting to the balcony doors and gluing his face to the glass to watch for his pigeon friends.

Dan sighs, somewhere between content and exasperated. “We’re having sandwiches,” he tells Amelia. Smiling reassuringly at Levi, he says, “I think it’s a lost cause at this point, really.”

The teenager shrugs before going to sit at the table, glaring at his sister pointedly until she halts her jumping, looking sheepish as she slides into her chair. Dan smiles at this before looking over at Phil, who’s studying the table activity with a look of almost curiosity. Dropping a gentle hand to his arm, Dan waits for his gaze to refocus before speaking. “Love, could you get some drinks while I pass out food?”

Phil nods, offering a partial smile. “Sure.”

Dan waits until Phil’s turned to collect cups before he goes about setting out the plates for everyone, calling Jaiden to the table and promising they can feed the pigeons later.

After everyone has food and a drink, Dan allows himself to have a seat as well, making sure everyone has what they need before tucking into his lunch. The talk at the table varies from school, to video games, and to the excitement of being home alone the following Friday. Phil is much more present now, joking with the twins and listening carefully when Levi speaks. Dan’s so full of such a sense of normalcy that the thought of the true nature of the situation very nearly drifts away entirely.

Eventually everyone is finished eating and Levi offers to help clear everything up after the twins run to play in their room. Dan sees this as a perfect opportunity to ask him about how he’s feeling about his current living situation, and a shared glance with Phil says they’re on the same page. “Sure, bud,” Dan agrees easily. “Why don’t you help Phil clear the table while I put the rest of this stuff away.”

Levi nods, clearing plates away quietly. Phil glances over at Dan rather pointedly and Dan nods. Phil clears his throat, a little bit awkwardly, before speaking. “Levi,” he begins, his tone soft. The teen’s gaze snaps up almost immediately, a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face until something on Phil’s makes him relax slightly. “We were wondering how you’re feeling about living here so far.”

Levi looks vaguely uncomfortable, but shrugs. “Alright, I guess.” He pauses. Then, suspiciously, “Why?”

Dan shrugs from where he’s stood putting the sandwich stuff away. “We just want to make sure we’re doing what we can to make you comfortable here.”

“So, if there’s anything you need or want that we don’t know about, you can tell us and we can work on getting it for you,” Phil explains, giving Levi a bright smile.

Levi seems to consider this. He still looks vaguely suspicious. “Oh... okay. Well, nothing comes to mind.” He clears his throat awkwardly.

“And that’s fine! Just, you know, if you think of anything. You can tell us.” Phil says, giving Dan a soft glance.

Dan nods at him in agreement before turning to smile at Levi. “Yeah. You can always talk to us about anything.”

Levi glances between them, his gaze somewhat confused. “Right... okay.”

Feeling a little awkward at how poorly that seemed to go, Dan clears his throat. “I know it’s awkward for you,” he says quietly, trying not to make Levi feel even worse by having this conversation with Phil there. Levi gives him a wary look. “But we want you to feel at home here, if it’s possible.”

There’s a silence, and Dan turns to tidy the pantry up a little, allowing Levi the space to think or leave if he’s feeling uncomfortable. After a few moments, he sighs. “I... I appreciate that, really,” he says slowly. “But, like... you don’t have to try so hard.”

Dan glances over at him sharply in surprise, his gaze flicking over to find that shock mirrored in Phil’s. “Oh. Okay,” is all Dan’s mouth can come up with.

Levi shrugs awkwardly. “Just... it’s awkward enough, yeah? Like suddenly you two have a teenager to look after, and I mean, I’m glad you let me be with my brother and sister, but you can worry about them, not me.”

It takes a long moment for Dan to process this, and when he does he feels his eyes burn. “Levi...” he starts, his voice pained.

Before Dan can even begin to explain how wrong it is for Levi to think they shouldn’t care about him, Phil speaks. “Levi, no. We’re not- we care about all of you. We didn’t just let you in like some stray off the street, okay? We wanted you here, from the moment we realized that the twins had a brother they’d been separated from.”

Levi looks surprised, as if they hadn’t already tried to relay this information to him before. “I-“

Phil interrupts him, holding a hand up to pause his words. “As awkward as you think this is for us, it’s not. We consider the three of you a part of our family, okay? Not just the twins. You’re just as much our child as they are, and you will be until your case manager decides otherwise. And we want to do things for you, just like we do the twins, if you’ll let us.”

Levi looks actually, properly stunned. He blinks rapidly, his gaze flicking between the two of them before finally dropping to the floor. “Okay.”

Phil’s shoulders seem to relax at that. “Good. Now, go get your things ready so Dan can drive you to your group session.”

Without another word, Levi leaves the room, although he does give Dan a bewildered look as he leaves. Dan shrugs at him, unsure how to explain Phil’s sudden outburst of emotional connection.

Left alone with him, Dan looks over to find Phil leaning back against the counter, rubbing the palms of his hands against his eyes and taking shuddering breaths. Without even thinking, Dan moves over to him, tugging his hands away and sweeping gentle fingers over the tears pouring from Phil’s eyes. “Shh,” Dan whispers when Phil lets out something like a sob. “You’re alright, baby. I’m so proud of you. That- that was such a lovely thing to tell him.”

“I love them so much, Dan,” Phil cries, dropping his head to Dan’s shoulder suddenly. Dan stares at the side of his head in shock. Phil obviously cared for them, but he’d never gotten this openly emotional about his affection for the children before. Seeing it was making Dan sniffle a little as well.

“I know, Phil. I know.” Dan brings one hand up to stroke the back of Phil’s head while the other caresses down his spine.

“I can’t believe Levi thinks he’s- he’s- like, a charity case or something! He’s our son!” Phil’s nearly sobbing now, and Dan tightens his grip.

“Shh. Quiet now, love. Shh, I know,” Dan murmurs soft words as Phil manages to work it out. He was a little out of depth here, as Phil was normally the more rational, less tearful one between the two of them. Apparently today was the exception, however. “You’ll cry yourself into a migraine if you aren’t careful, baby.”

Phil sniffles a few more times after that, finally getting a grip on his emotions. Dan waits for him to pull away first, and when he doesn’t, Dan begins to pepper kisses to his cheek and temple and ear. “Sorry,” Phil whispers.

Dan presses a soft kiss to his earlobe. “Nothing to be sorry for. Everyone cries.”

It’s quiet for a bit, but eventually Phil tilts his head, catching Dan mid-smooch. Dan flushes at their close proximity, but before he can pull away or apologize, Phil tilts forward just enough to peck Dan’s lips with his own. It’s hardly a kiss, more just a brush, but Phil looks completely unapologetic when he pulls away.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, hugging Dan tightly.

Dan’s not sure what he’s thanking him for, so he stays silent. They’re interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and Dan steps carefully out of Phil’s grip. Phil clutches his shirt anyway, and Dan can’t help but smile at that. “Ready to go?” He asks Levi, who’s hovering by the door looking awkward.

“Yeah,” he replies. He looks down, scuffing his shoe against the tile. “Phil?”

Phil looks surprised when he glances over at him. “Yeah?” He says, his voice a little scratchy from crying.

Levi seems to consider his words carefully before replying. “Er- thank you. For what you said earlier.”

“Of course,” Phil says immediately.

The teen nods, not lifting his gaze. Evidently that’s all that he’s got to say.

Dan tilts his head to look at Phil, who looks back at him with a surprised, but proud face. Dan doesn’t even think about holding back, dropping a soft kiss to Phil’s mouth like it’s nothing. Like it doesn’t send his blood racing and his heart stuttering. Like he does it every day.

Phil looks... well, happy. Dan shocks himself with the thought, but his mind only supplies that description of the look on his face when Dan pulls away from the brief kiss. “Drive safe, okay?”

“I will,” Dan nods. He pushes Phil’s quiff up from where it’s drooping. “Need anything while I’m out?”

“Snacks?” Phil asks, his voice sweet.

Dan rolls his eyes. “You’re going to snack yourself into a sugar coma, bub,” he teases.

Phil grins, his tongue caught between his teeth. “And you’ll take care of me while I’m in a coma, right?”

Dan kisses his nose. “If I have to.”

They grin at each other, and somewhere, Dan feels some relief in his heart or mind or the void where his soul should be. It feels a little bit like a fading resolve, or some wall being chipped away at. He feels lighter than he has in weeks, standing in his kitchen banting affectionately with his best friend in the whole world

“Go, he’ll be late,” Phil prompts, pushing Dan away.

“Movie night when we get back?” Dan asks, moving to the door.

Phil smiles and nods excitedly. “And pizza.”

“Perfect. It’s a date.”

~~~

Several hours later, after an overwhelming amount of pizza and a passive watch of Disney’s Hercules, Dan and Phil see the kids off to bed, much to the chagrin of the twins, who for all their complaining, stumble down the stairs like little drunks. Dan teases them for it, and Amelia, predictably, teases him right back, reminding him of the time he tripped down the stairs, stone-cold sober. Much giggling on the twin’s behalf later, after Dan has tried, and failed, to defend himself, the kids finally say their goodnights and head to their bedrooms.

“I’m so tired,” Dan moans the minute he steps into their room. He flops down onto their bed, star-fishing out in that way Phil does that usually annoys him so much.

“Sucks, bub,” Phil chuckles. “Gonna take your jeans off?” He asks, rummaging through their dresser.

Dan considers it. He really is very tired. “Is there some way I could perhaps convince you to do it for me?” He asks sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes up at Phil when the older man glances at him. He’s mostly kidding.

Phil’s eyes roll up to the ceiling at this, but sighs as he walks over and deposits his pajamas onto the side of the bed not currently occupied by Dan’s noodle limbs. “Undo ‘em for me,” he instructs, bringing his hands down to tug Dan’s socks off for him.

Dan hadn’t expected this. Honestly, he’s not sure he would’ve done it for Phil, really for no reason other than how it would feel to undress his best friend. Especially now that he knows there’s some very not-platonic feelings floating around his heart. Just that conscious thought, accepting those feelings he has for Phil, sends Dan’s blood rushing to his head, making him dizzy.

“Dan?” Phil calls quietly, patting Dan’s thigh to get his attention. “Do you actually want me to?”

“I... I’ll do it. I was just kidding, really,” Dan stutters out. He clears his throat. “Thanks, though. You’re a good friend.” He’s glad he’s still laying on his stomach, so he doesn’t have to meet Phil’s eyes as he says it.

There’s the feeling of hands running over his calves, gently massaging, and Dan sighs. “Of course, bub,” Phil quietly murmurs. “I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees passively.

Phil squeezes his leg. Dan listens to his footsteps, allowing his eyes to flutter shut as the bathroom door clicks shut.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but when he drifts back into the present world, it’s to the feeling of something tugging underneath him. “Mph?” He huffs a confused sound.

“Shh,” Phil whispers softly. “It’s just me, Dan. I’m trying to cover you up, scoot over a bit.”

After blinking the sleep out of his eyes a bit, Dan realizes that he’s still laid on the bed, wearing the same clothes he laid down in. Phil’s stood next to him, working on tugging the blanket out from under him so he can cover him up. “My jeans,” Dan complains.

Phil nudges him to sit up. “Go take them off and brush your teeth. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night anyway if you don’t go to bed with a clean mouth, remember?”

Dan grumbles but does as he’s told, stumbling off the bed and into the bathroom, unbuttoning his jeans as he goes. After taking a wee and tugging the stupid jeans off his long legs, Dan brushes his teeth slowly, feeling groggy from his short nap.

“Don’t forget to take your meds, babe,” Phil says, poking his head into the bathroom and tapping the doorframe to get Dan’s attention.

Nodding, Dan waves him off. Phil leaves him to it, allowing Dan to finish his routine alone before going back to their bedroom to join him. Phil’s sat up at the headboard, his glasses sliding down his nose as he looks down at the worn pages of a book. Dan crawls into bed beside him, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder. Wordlessly, Phil tilts his head and kisses Dan’s forehead. Dan is so, so warm.

“What are we reading tonight?” Dan asks softly, too lazy and tired to actually read the page.

“Ready Player One,” Phil replies, turning the page. “Want me to read to you?”

Dan snuggles against his side shamelessly, wrapping his arm around Phil’s stomach. “Yeah.”

Phil takes a moment to pull the covers up and over Dan, smoothing them over his leg and patting his knee before bringing his hands back to the book. Phil’s voice is low and soothing as he reads, and Dan is very nearly asleep when he hears a soft knock on the door. They both turn to face it in sync, and Dan has to bite back a giggle at the movement.

“Come in,” Phil calls, loud enough for whoever to hear, but quiet enough that it won’t wake anyone asleep.

The door swings open after a second to reveal Levi, who shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, avoiding their eyes, cradling his hand awkwardly.

“Hey, bub,” Dan says softly. “What do you need?”

Levi steps closer to the bed, holding his left hand up with a grimace. “I, uh... kinda cut myself. I didn’t know where the band-aids were,” he says, looking the epitome of awkward and uncomfortable.

Dan immediately climbs off the bed and heads into the bathroom, gesturing for Levi to follow. “I’ll give you some to put in the other bathroom, I thought we had some but Phil’s the actual clumsiest person alive so sometimes we run out,” Dan explains with a smile. Levi offers a quiet laugh, hovering in the door.

“I am not!” Phil protests from the bedroom.

Dan rolls his eyes, but mouths, “he is,” causing Levi to laugh for real. Dan grins, gesturing to Levi’s hand. “Want me to look at it?” He offers gently.

Levi shakes his head. “It’s barely a scratch, honestly. I don’t even know why it’s bleeding, it doesn’t hurt.”

Dan sends him a suspicious look as he rummages through the cabinet. “What happened, anyway?”

“I was working on that art project I told you about,” Levi replies. “The paper mache thing? I was cutting the paper and the scissors just slipped.”

“Hm,” Dan hums neutrally. “Be more careful, alright? You might need your hand later in life,” he jokes.

Levi rolls his eyes but nods. “I will. It’s really just a scratch, though, honest.”

“I’m sure,” Dan agrees. “But make sure to wash it out and put some antibacterial gel on it, okay?”

Looking on the verge of another eye roll, Levi manages a more impatient nod, holding his hand out for the bandaids. “Got it,” he concedes.

Dan supplies him with a bandaid for now and several extras, making a mental note to buy a new box the next time he’s out. He follows Levi out, going to climb back in bed as Levi shuffles to the door.

“Levi?” Phil calls gently.

The teen turns around, raising his eyebrows. “Hm?”

“Everything at school going alright?” Phil asks. “I feel like we never get a proper chance to ask you about it with the twins always around.” He smiles as he says it, softening the almost accusation in his words.

Levi shrugs. “It’s alright. It’s school,” he says, his voice betraying nothing.

“Yeah,” Phil agrees with a twitch of his lips. “I get what you mean. But so far, it’s okay? The teachers aren’t too bad and the kids are alright?”

“Yeah, they’re fine,” Levi says. He gestures at Dan vaguely. “I think he gave me all the easy teachers because they’ve all been pretty nice.”

Dan is about to protest but Phil sends him this lovely smile and Dan shuts up immediately. “Good, good,” Phil says. “I guess we’ll let you get to bed, then.”

Levi nods, waving at them a little awkwardly. “Alright. Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, Levi,” Dan calls after him as he walks out the door. He waits a beat to make sure Levi is well down the hall before turning to look at Phil. “You really are a good dad,” he says, almost conversationally.

Phil smiles at him fondly. “I should be. I’ve been practically raising you for the past ten years.” His tone is joking but it still embarrasses Dan, just a little, to be reminded of their slight age difference.

Dan can feel the wicked grin making its way onto his face. He can’t control himself, obviously, with the joke presented so perfectly. He leans in, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder and pressing a feather-light kiss to Phil’s ear before whispering in his most sultry voice, “Daddy.”

“Ew!” Phil splutters, immediately shoving Dan away. He looks absolutely mortified when he’s put some space between them. “Never say that again, Dan,” he warns, sounding very, very serious, and very, very disturbed.

Dan erupts into a fit of laughter at Phil’s reaction, swiping tears of mirth out of his eyes. “Oh my god. You’re too easy! And the look on your face,” Dan sighs, catching his breath. He snuggles back against Phil with an innocent smile that Phil returns with a glare. “I promise I won’t say it again. I just had to, honestly.”

“You really... didn’t,” Phil argues, flicking his gaze up so he doesn’t have to meet Dan’s eyes.

Pressing his lips to Phil’s cheek is Dan’s apology, which Phil seems to accept if his sigh and the way he wraps an arm around Dan is any indication. “That really wasn’t funny,” he mumbles, collecting his book back on his lap and flipping it open again.

“Sure it was,” Dan replies easily, watching with a cringe as Phil returns to his dog-eared page. “It was funny to me.”

Phil knocks his head against Dan’s gently as reprimand. “You’re doing an awful lot of chatting for someone who was nearly asleep only half an hour ago, bub.”

Dan smiles against his shirt. “Alright, alright. I’ll be quiet.” Phil huffs like he doesn’t believe it but clears his throat to start reading. Before he can, Dan interrupts him. “Can you start at the beginning? It’s been a while since I’ve read this and I don’t remember who half these people are.”

There’s a groan, and Dan can’t help but bite back a laugh. “No, I’m not starting at the beginning, you horrible boy. This is supposed to be my quiet reading time.”

“Sorry,” Dan lies. “But you offered to read to me, so...”

“I’ll start at the beginning of this chapter. And if you get confused I’ll explain what’s happening. But otherwise shut your mouth and go to sleep, yeah?” Despite the irritation he’s obviously feeling at Dan pestering him, Phil’s words are still incredibly fond and bear no actual unkindness.

“M‘kay,” Dan agrees. “You may proceed.”

There’s a pause as if Phil’s waiting to be interrupted, but when he isn’t, he jumps right into the story, reading it at just the right volume for Dan to listen passively, his eyelids getting heavier and heavier with every paragraph. Eventually he nods off on Phil’s shoulder, but in their position his head lulls to the side and the movement jolts him awake again.

“You okay?” Phil whispers.

“Mm. Mhm. Sleepy,” Dan mumbles back.

Phil turns down the corner of his page, making Dan cringe, before placing the book onto his bedside table and turning off the lamp. He’s careful not to jostle Dan too much as he guides him into a proper sleeping position, tugging Dan’s pillow closer to his own and guiding his head to it. Dan allows his eyes to drift shut as Phil settles behind him, pulling the duvet up and over their shoulders.

“Warm enough?” Phil whispers against Dan’s hair.

“Mhm.” Dan reaches back until he finds Phil’s hand, pulling his arm to wrap around his waist. He feels a kiss against his neck and smiles. “Goodnight,” he murmurs.

Phil hums a response into the lack of space between them, but Dan’s already drifting back off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will forever be grateful for how patient everyone has been with me and for all the lovely messages I've been sent. I do want to say that I probably won't get back on a permanent regular posting schedule because I have a lot going on with school and stuff, but I hope this can tide you over for now! <3 <3


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil have an interesting "date night" at the BBC Fundraiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the patience on this story. I promise I am not going to leave you guys hanging without an ending, it's just a long work in progress. I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

Dan doesn’t know what to wear. He’s stood in front of his side of the shared closet, blindly. There’s nothing jumping out at him, nothing screaming “first public appearance with your fake fiancé in front of people who matter!” And he’s not sure what to do about that. 

“Dan,” Phil’s voice filters into his ears. “Hello? Daniel, honestly-“

“Huh?” Dan mumbles in confusion, turning to glance at him. “What?” 

“Did you honestly not hear a word I just said?” Phil asks, sounding exasperated. 

Dan huffs. “I didn’t even know you were standing there until, like, now. So no.” 

Phil seems to shift from annoyance to worry then. “Are you okay?” Before Dan can reply, Phil steps forward, pressing his hand to Dan’s forehead to check for a temperature. “You don’t feel like you’ve got a fever,” he announces. 

Dan rolls his eyes at that. “That’s because I don’t,” he sighs, knocking Phil’s hand away. “I just can’t decide what to wear.”

Phil lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a snort of disbelief. “That’s what’s got you looking like someone just kicked your puppy?” 

“Hey,” Dan whines weakly. “I just want to look good.” 

There’s a mutter of something that sounds suspiciously like “you always look good,” which Dan decides to ignore. “It’s not that big of a deal, Dan,” Phil says when Dan doesn’t say anything. Phil flops onto the bed, staring up at Dan with a sweet smile. “You’ll look fine no matter what.” 

“But... what if I’m too overdressed? Or what if I’m underdressed?” He crosses his arms, pouting. “Should we match? Would that look stupid? Would it look more stupid if we didn’t match?” 

Phil sighs, opening his arms. “C’mere.” 

“I’ve got to pick something to wear,” Dan protests immediately. 

“No you don’t, we’ve still got like two hours before we have to go. Now come here and let me comfort you, buffoon.” 

His tone leaves little room for argument, so with a very over-dramatic sigh, Dan consents, crawling onto the bed and flopping down right into Phil’s arms. They wrap around each other smoothly, and Dan tries not to compare the way they fit together to a puzzle or something else vaguely suggestive. It’s just nice, being close to someone he cares about like this. In a completely platonic way. 

“You know it’s not that big of a deal, right?” Phil murmurs to him. “Like, I know it sounds like it is, but they’re just people, Dan. Just like us.” 

“I know,” Dan murmurs. “But they’re people I’d like to impress.” 

Phil kisses his hair. “I know.” Evidently that’s all the advice he’s got, as the room gets quiet then, both of them lost in their own thoughts. 

Rather than stew in his own nervousness, Dan pats Phil’s chest. “Should we match though, seriously?” 

There’s a lovely little crinkle to Phil’s nose when Dan glances up at him. “I’d really rather we didn’t, actually,” he mumbles. 

“What, you don’t wanna go with the coordinated husbands look?” Dan asks, quirking a brow.

Phil rolls his eyes, before rolling Dan off him, going to sort through the clothes on his side of the closet. “I actually had an outfit in mind for myself. But I know you’re gonna make fun of me.” 

Dan bites back the instant denial that tries to crawl out of his mouth. Clearing his throat instead, he asks, “Well, what did you have in mind?” 

Phil grins, and Dan suddenly feels like he’s been baited. Before he can revoke asking, Phil fishes something out of the closet, grinning broadly as he holds it up for Dan to see. It takes approximately four seconds for Dan to study the forest green shirt to notice that the pinstripes, wavy and trippy at first, are actually little bamboo stalks, and the waves are actually tiny pandas. Dan huffs, making Phil’s grin widen. 

“That looks ridiculous,” Dan informs him, sitting up and crossing his arms. “What blazer are you matching it with?” 

Phil looks smug. Dan rolls his eyes. “I have the black one that might be nice. The beetle one? You remember?” 

Dan vaguely remembers mocking Phil about a beetle shell blazer, but he only recalls seeing it once or twice, so he’s already dreading whatever it is that Phil is about to pull out of his closet. Instead of the flashy monstrosity he’s expecting, it’s actually a very subtle shade of black iridescent, catching the light just the right way to turn it a bit greenish. It looks undeniably attractive paired with the shirt and Dan sighs but nods. “You’ll look great,” he says, almost exasperated. 

Phil grins before laying his clothes haphazardly on the bed beside Dan. “Do you want me to actually help you pick something or do you want me to leave you alone?” 

Dan considers it, but allows a sheepish shrug to possess his shoulders. “As much as I appreciate your opinion...” he trails off, giving Phil an apologetic look. 

Rolling his eyes, Phil nods and steps away. “Okay. I’m gonna go get ready in the bathroom, but you can come in whenever you need to.” 

“‘Kay,” Dan mumbles, already standing to thumb through his options again. Phil brushes his lips against Dan’s temple before leaving him be, and Dan smiles at the fabric in front of him. 

After staring at his closet for nearly ten whole minutes, Dan decides on a white button down, paired with a flowery blazer he hadn’t had the chance to wear yet. It’s a little flamboyant, a little loud, but he likes the attention, if he’s being perfectly honest. He doesn’t like the idea that he and Phil won’t match, but he notices that there is a subtle hint of green to the leaves in the floral pattern of the jacket, and he hopes that’s enough to make them look matched. 

After tugging on some fitted black slacks, which are cut neatly to show off his ankles, he pulls the white shirt on and makes his way into the bathroom to do something with his hair. Phil’s stood at the sink already, combing through his hair with his fingers. Dan can smell the product, an almost citrusy note to it, and he smiles at Phil’s reflection. 

“You pick something out?” Phil asks, sliding his gaze to Dan’s in their reflection. 

“Mhm. I’m wearing the flowery jacket, the one I got from Topman?” 

Phil nods like he knows which one Dan’s talking about even though they both know he doesn’t. It’s quiet for a moment while they both fix their hair, and when Dan’s done all he can in terms of making sure his hair behaves, he begins rifling through their drawers, looking for something else. It only takes a moment of his rummaging for Phil to get curious. 

“What’re you looking for?” He mumbles, rubbing at his jaw like he’s trying to decide if he should shave or not. 

“Mm,” Dan hums, not quite answering. His hand finally finds the tiny cylinder and he brandishes it triumphantly. “Ah-ha!” He announces. “Found it.”

Phil squints, clearly trying to figure out what it is. He watches intently as Dan unscrews the cap, and Dan catches a flicker of dawning understanding across his face as he brings the mascara spooly up to his left eye. Dan’s careful and precise in his movements, making extra sure that he applies it neatly, considering how long it had been since he’d had any reason to wear it. When he’s finished with both eyes, he replaces the cap and admires his work in the mirror, batting his eyelashes several times to make sure it’s not sticking together. 

Phil’s watching him when Dan turns around. He’s got a soft look on his face, easing the slight anxiety Dan still feels about doing things outside the traditional gender norm. “Beautiful,” he says simply, reaching up and tucking a tuft of hair back into place on Dan’s head. 

Dan feels his face heating up under the praise. “Thank you,” he says, surprised at himself when he manages to keep his voice sincere. Phil’s hand slides from Dan’s hair to cradle his cheek and he gives him a soft smile before his hand falls away entirely. Dan has to clear his throat twice to settle his sudden butterflies. “Are you ready to go?” Dan asks, his voice almost cracking towards the end. 

Phil shrugs, pouting at himself in the mirror as he prods at his face. “I can’t decide if I need to shave or not,” he complains. 

Stepping right into his space, Dan knocks Phil’s hands out of the way, smoothing his hand over his jaw slowly. He can tell there’s a hint of stubble from feeling of it, grainy against his fingertips. He hates that he kind of loves it. His eyes flick to Phil’s as he leans in, pressing his lips to Phil’s jaw and brushing them softly against the skin. He’s got one hand on Phil’s arm and the other on the opposite side of Phil’s face, thoroughly trapping him right in Dan’s grip. 

When Phil shivers, Dan pulls away. “You’re a little rough,” he murmurs, their faces closer than before. 

“What?” Phil asks, his pupils blown wide. Dan can’t help but wonder if it’s him specifically or his actions that did that. Either way, he bites his lip to hide his smug grin. 

“Your beard. Little bit scratchy. Maybe just a quick shave and you’ll be good,” Dan tells him. 

Phil nods, looking slightly vacant. Dan’s never really seen him like this, looking this affected by anything Dan’s ever done, and honestly... the thought of that is enough to give him a confidence boost like no other. “Alright, I’ll... I’ll shave and then we can go.”

“Perfect,” Dan says brightly, clapping his hands together with a smile. “I’m going to go find my shoes.” 

There’s a mumbled response that Dan doesn’t quite catch, but he smiles to himself all the way to the other room. 

~~~

“Remember, call us if anything happens, okay? I’m serious, Levi,” Dan says for maybe the fifth time that night. 

Levi nods, his gaze flicking to the ceiling in an almost-roll. “Got it.”

Dan stands in the hallway leading to their front door, tugging at his suit jacket to make sure it’s situated properly on his shoulders. He’s getting impatient at this point, having been waiting for nearly ten minutes now. “Phil, come on!” Dan calls. He glances at Levi, who’s leaned against the wall waiting for them to leave. “And he says I take forever to get ready,” Dan mumbles, loud enough that Levi can hear but Phil can’t. 

Levi laughs, which is what Dan was hoping for. “Should’ve put money on it,” Levi jokes with a grin. 

Dan rolls his eyes but nods. “Honestly,” he agrees. 

They’re interrupted by footsteps and Dan turns to face the sound, propping his hands on his hips and tapping his foot, the epitome of impatience. “What took you?” Dan asks as Phil steps into the hall. 

He gets the answer unspoken, as Phil barely acknowledges that he’s even said anything, too busy focusing on attempting to tie his bow tie. Dan can’t help but sigh fondly. “I can’t- ugh!” Phil complains, starting over. 

“C’mere, idiot,” Dan says, his voice incredibly fond. Phil huffs but steps into his space. “Turn around, I don’t know how to do it that way,” Dan instructs, nudging lightly at Phil’s shoulder. 

Phil complies, and when he does, Dan puts his arms around Phil to grab the material of the tie. He presses close to hook his chin over Phil’s shoulder to watch what he’s doing to make sure it looks okay. There’s a soft noise from Phil as Dan ties it, and Dan smiles at the way Phil’s body seems to melt against his own. 

“All done,” Dan announces, pressing an impulsive kiss to Phil’s neck before stepping back. 

“Thanks,” Phil says, turning and smiling at him. Dan nods, straightening the bow tie a little bit as Phil turns to Levi. “Do you have everything you need? Phone, food, all that?”

Levi has a sort of thoughtful look on his face as his gaze flicks between the two of them. He looks a little startled when he realizes Phil’s asked him a question, but he only nods. “Mhm. I’ve got everything I need.” 

“Alright,” Phil says, buttoning his cuff on one sleeve. He glances at Dan, his gaze flicking up and down the length of him, nearly making Dan blush. “You look good,” Phil tells him unashamedly. 

Dan avoids eye contact, clearing his throat. “Thanks.” He flicks a curl out of his eyes, fiddling with his hair absently. His gaze flickers to Phil, who’s looking at him expectantly. “What?” He asks, deadpan. 

Phil huffs. “Where’s my compliment, rat?” 

Dan cuts his eyes at him, quirking his brows. “You’re really gonna stand there and ask me to stroke your ego?”

There’s an adorable pout on Phil’s lips as he blinks owlishly at Dan. “Please? I told you how nice you look.” 

Rolling his eyes and looking away to hide the flush on his cheeks, Dan steps past him to grab his car keys off the hook by the door. He spares a brief glance at Phil, his resolve crumbling as he reaches for his hand. “You look amazing,” he says quietly, pressing a quick kiss to the back of Phil’s hand before dropping it. “Dashing, even.” 

Phil grins widely, rolling his shoulders in a puffed-up, proud sort of way. It makes Dan’s chest ache with fondness. “And to think you made fun of this blazer when I bought it.” He looks well chuffed as he tugs on the cuffs of the jacket. 

Dan takes a moment to look at Phil then, really look at him, and he smiles with a wistful shake of his head. “It’s not the blazer, bub.” Before Phil can respond to that, Dan turns his gaze to Levi, who’s watched the exchange with amusement. “Are you sure you’re alright?” He asks one last time. 

Levi rolls his eyes, but nods. “We’ll be fine. Everything’s under control, I promise.” He gives a little salute in a bid goodbye, reminding Dan of himself. “Have fun on your date,” he says with a smirk. 

Dan points an accusing finger at him. “Keep your phone on, okay? We’ll be checking in.”

Levi waves him off with a nod. “I know, I know. But honestly we’re fine. You guys can have fun, do whatever. We’ll be alright.”

Dan’s about to argue when Phil puts a steadying hand on his shoulder. He gives him a look and Dan knows he needs to chill now. “We know, Levi. We’ll be home around ten or eleven, yeah?” 

Levi nods. “Alright. See you then.”

Phil waves, putting his hand on the small of Dan’s back to guide him out. He probably realizes that if he gives him literally any more time to procrastinate, Dan will either find a reason to stay home with the kids, or make Levi actually lose his mind, neither of which are preferable right now. Having already said goodnight to the twins, they make their way out the door, locking it behind them. 

“They’ll be okay, right?” Dan asks worriedly. 

“Of course they will,” Phil replies easily, squeezing Dan’s hip in reassurance. “Come on, we’ll be late.”

Dan mumbles something half-heartedly irritated under his breath, but Phil ignores him, which is probably for the best. 

~~~ 

When they arrive at the venue the BBC had rented out, the event is in full swing. They’re not late, Phil assures Dan when he complains about their timing. Everyone was supposed to show up around seven, then socialize amongst themselves until the speeches and things started at eight. Most of Phil’s coworkers were already there, and Dan recognized PJ and Chris among a few others he’d been briefly introduced to over the past few years since Phil’d started there. 

Another thing Dan notices quickly is how Phil carries himself in this space. He’s completely in his element, holding his head high and greeting his employees with a smile. He’s so... powerful here, if Dan’s being honest. He tries not to think about how attractive that makes Phil seem, seeing him take on this leader personality. It’s made more difficult as he’s led through a crowd of people who seem to part for Phil, smiling and nodding at the two of them like they’re some sort of royalty. 

“I forget about the whole “BBC producer” thing sometimes, but god, these people really treat you like a king, don’t they?” Dan whispers to Phil. 

Phil laughs, moving his hand to the small of Dan’s back to lead him to a table with some people Dan recognizes. “Maybe a little bit. It’s mostly superficial though- if they’re nice, they usually want something from me.” 

Dan tries not to let that rub him the wrong way as Phil waves to the table of his coworkers, a bright grin on his face. “Hi, everyone,” he greets. “I’m sure you all remember my fiancé, Dan.” Phil rubs gentle circles against Dan’s back as he speaks, making his cheeks warm in response. 

“Er, hi,” he says quietly, waving to the four people sat at the table. 

“Phil! Dan!” PJ says joyfully, tipping his head back to smirk at them. “We were just talking about you,” he jokes, gesturing to a woman next to him. It takes Dan a moment to recognize her in this setting, but when he does- “This is my girlfriend, Sophie,” PJ introduces her with a bright smile in her direction. 

Dan laughs. “We’ve actually already met. Hello again, Sophie.”

The brunette smiles at him, a twinkle of surprise in her eyes. “Dan! And Phil! Lovely to see you again. How are the kids?” 

Phil pulls a chair out for Dan next to Sophie, taking the one beside him and next to a man Dan’s never met before. Dan smiles gratefully at him as he sits before answering Sophie’s question. “They’re doing really well! The twins are loving school and I think Levi’s made a couple friends. It’s still an adjustment having three of them, but it’s really lovely.” He’s close to saying more, gushing about how much he loves being a parent, but remembering where they are and who they’re with makes him pause. 

“That’s wonderful!” Sophie replies. She must notice PJ’s confused stare, so she leans closer to explain. “They’re fostering Levi, one of the foster children who I used to have on my case list.” 

“Oh,” PJ says, nodding in understanding. “Small world, huh?” He asks with a lazy grin. 

Dan nods with a polite smile. He’s still a little uncertain about PJ and Chris for how they treated Phil before, but he’s willing to be civil tonight. Chris, who’s sat between PJ and the man Dan has yet to be introduced to, smiles and waves at Dan, who returns it with a nod. 

“Dan,” Phil says, nudging Dan’s arm with his wrist. “This is Tom. He’s one of the technicians at the studio.” 

Dan reaches over to shake his hand with a polite smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Tom nods at him. “And you as well,” he replies. He turns to say something to Phil, then, so Dan occupies himself with looking around the table for a drink. 

“So, things are alright?” Sophie asks, her voice quiet enough not to disturb the others, having their own separate conversations in pairs. “Levi’s doing okay?” She sounds concerned, but in a way that makes it obvious she’s trying to mask the emotion. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan agrees with a smile. “He’s getting on well with me and Phil, the twins are happy to have him home... I think he’s doing really well.” 

“Good, that’s really good,” Sophie says with a sigh of relief. “I worry about him sometimes,” she admits. At the panic that’s probably on Dan’s face, she shakes her head, waving her hands dismissively. “No, no, not that he’s with you and Phil, just... in general. He’s had a very hard life, and it was one of the saddest cases I’ve worked recently, so... I just keep him in my thoughts very often.” 

Dan nods slowly. He’s trying to think of a subtle way to ask about their home life, but he doesn’t think this is the right place. Another vacant look around the table has him wishing for that drink all over again. “Well... I know he’s come out of his shell a lot since he moved in. We’re really happy to have him, though. He’s such a good kid.”

PJ, who’d tuned into the conversation somewhere during Sophie talking, tilts his head at Dan, smiling. “You sound like you really enjoy being a foster parent,” he says. Something about the emphasis he puts on the word “foster” prickles underneath Dan’s skin in an uncomfortable sort of way. He tries not to let it bother him, knowing that PJ probably didn’t mean anything by it at all. 

“I do,” Dan says, tilting his chin up, almost defiant. He glances at Phil, who at some point has placed his arm on the back of Dan’s chair and is softly running his fingers through the hair at the base of Dan’s head. “I think we both really enjoy it, honestly.”

PJ nods with a grin. “I know Philly does, he talks about you guys constantly,” he teases. 

Phil rolls his eyes but doesn’t deny it. “It’s my family, Peej, what do you expect?” 

PJ’s grin only widens, as if this is fuel to his fire. “Oh, I know, I get it.” He turns to Dan then with a cheeky smirk. “He told us all about your Halloween costumes the other day. That’s such a fun idea, honestly.”

“Oh, what did you go as?” Sophie asks, interrupting whatever mocking remark PJ was surely about to make. Dan’s grateful for her all over again. 

“Er, we did a Pokémon theme. The kids were the three starters, Phil was Ash.” He’s very specifically avoiding sharing what part he played in that theme, for obvious reasons. 

“And Dan was Pikachu!” Phil announces cheerfully, tugging lightly on a strand of Dan’s hair. 

Sophie coos as Dan sends a glare to the side of Phil’s face. Chris has engaged him in another conversation already, and Dan’s just left to sit there steeping in the hot water of embarrassment. 

“That’s precious,” Sophie declares with a smile. “Do you have any photos?” She asks. 

Dan wants to lie and say no, but he sees the hope in her eyes and he knows he can’t do that to her. Instead he nods and goes to fish out his phone from his pockets. He panics when he can’t find it, shifting in his seat to see if it’s slipped out somehow. 

“What’re you looking for?” Phil asks, sending him a confused look. 

Dan sighs. “I think I left my phone in the car. Can I see yours? I wanted to show Sophie our Halloween photos.” 

“Sure,” Phil says easily, sliding it out of his jacket pocket and handing it to Dan. He turns back to his conversation with the other men immediately, and Dan nearly rolls his eyes. 

Dan goes to type in the password, which has been 1987 for as long as he can remember, and he’s shocked when it doesn’t work. He tries it again, slower, thinking he’s somehow typed it wrong. Still nothing. Poking Phil’s side, he turns the screen to face him. 

“What?” Phil asks, his brows furrowed. 

“You switched passcodes.” It’s almost an accusation. 

Phil looks guilty. “Er, yeah. Mia kept trying to download games to play and I finally just changed it.”

“Okay, fine, what’s the new one?” Dan asks impatiently. 

“Uh, ten-nineteen,” Phil answers, already becoming distracted by some joke Chris is trying to tell, his voice slightly loud and obnoxious. 

Dan types the numbers in, his mind taking a second to process it after the home screen has already appeared. His mind, still trying to process the meaning of the numbers of the new password, is overwhelmed again at the sight of Phil’s home screen background, which upon closer inspection, is a photo of Dan sleeping. 

Dan flushes, trying to cover it up with a cough into his elbow. He clears his throat, tapping on the photo app and scrolling as he leans closer to Phil to speak quietly. “Ten-nineteen?” He asks. “Our anniversary?” He doesn’t specify which one; he doesn’t have to- the only real one they share is the anniversary of the day they met in person. 

“Mhm,” Phil half-responds, still not paying much attention to Dan at this point. 

Dan sighs, his veins thrumming with something nervous and excited. His hand wobbles a little with it as he turns the phone to Sophie, showing her all the photos they’d taken with the kids that night. 

She coos and aww’s at all the right places, asking questions and listening to Dan’s stories of their adventures so far with the kids. It’s refreshing, to talk to another adult outside his immediate family about his kids and all the funny little anecdotes. PJ and Chris want to see the pictures as well, so Dan passes the phone around, beaming at all the compliments about how cute their kids are. 

“Well we can’t really take credit for that,” Phil jokes, glancing at Dan with a smile. “But we really are so lucky to have such good kids.”

“Do you reckon you’ll ever have any for real?” Chris asks, a little invasively, Dan thinks. 

Still, whatever noodle part of his brain that isn’t running on the same wavelength as the rest, chooses to ask, “What do you mean?”

There’s a brief, awkward pause, before Chris explains. Phil’s hand tightens its grip on the back of Dan’s neck. “I just meant, like... these are foster kids, correct?”

Dan nods. “Yes.”

“Right, so something will happen to them eventually and they’ll leave or whatever happens to foster kids, but will you guys ever have a real family?”

He’s not trying to be mean, Dan reasons. He just doesn’t understand the situation. Dan tells himself this as he blinks back tears, his heart suddenly in his throat at the thought of something, anything, happening to these kids, their kids. And really... really he shouldn’t be surprised. Obviously Chris isn’t entirely wrong, generally children are fostered for less than a year before they either age out of the system or get moved to another home. And then what? Will Dan somehow convince Phil to stay with him, to foster more children to build an emotional connection with? To get far too attached to, only to have those children ripped out of their arms the minute they start to feel like a family? To love like their very own, to-

“That’s not really an appropriate question, Chris,” Phil says in that strong, authoritative voice that he has, sending Dan’s train of thought to a screeching halt. He sends Chris a look, one that shuts him up right there. Turning to look at Dan, Phil’s eyes soften. “Hey, why don’t you call Levi and check up on them? Yeah? I’ll go fetch us some drinks and meet you back here when you’re done, alright?”

Dan nods, numbly. “Okay,” he says, going to stand on stiff limbs. He doesn’t look at anyone at the table as he holds a hand out for Phil’s phone. 

“Here,” Phil says, leaning in and kissing his cheek once. “Tell them I say hello and I love and miss them.”

“I will,” Dan agrees before stepping away, scrolling to find Levi’s name in Phil’s contacts. He smiles a little when he sees the little wolf emoji next to his name, recalling very clearly the conversation Phil had with him, asking what Levi wanted his contact emoji animal to be. He’d picked a wolf, saying that it was his favorite animal, and Phil had immediately made a joke about Dan’s surname, as was typical of him. 

He’s still thinking about that conversation when Levi answers the phone. “Hey,” he says, sounding a little hesitant. 

“Hey Levi, it’s Dan,” he greets. 

“Oh,” Levi nearly sounds relieved. “Why are you calling on Phil’s phone?” 

“I left mine in the car,” Dan explains. “Are you guys doing okay? Everything alright?”

Levi laughs. “Yes, helicopter dad. Everything is fine.” Dan can hear the smile in his voice and it both eases his mind and squeezes his heart, a heavy reminder of how temporary this connection of theirs really is. “We ordered pizza and ate it in the lounge, just like you said we could.”

“Good deal,” Dan says, glancing over to see if Phil was back at the table yet. He is, but his gaze is on Dan. When their eyes lock, the older man smiles at him softly. Dan can’t help but feel a little warmer. “Phil says to tell you and the twins hi and he loves and misses you all,” Dan relays the message. 

Levi snorts, not unkindly. “You guys have been gone for, like, an hour.” 

“So?” Dan replies with a little laugh. “That’s an hour longer than we’re usually away from you guys unless it’s a school day. We miss you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Levi mumbles. “I’ll relay the message.”

“Perfect,” Dan grins. “Thank you. Are the twins waiting for you to hang up so you can play Mario Kart?” He asks knowingly. 

“How’d you-“ 

“I could recognize the distorted sound of the Mario Kart 8 soundtrack in my sleep, bud,” Dan says with a smile. 

“Right,” Levi sighs, a whisper of sarcasm in the sound. “Well I’m sure you’re having a blast at your charity whatever thing, so...”

His unsubtle “good riddance” has Dan cracking up. “Alright. I’ll check in again shortly, yeah? You guys be good.”

“Will do. Bye.”

“Bye, Levi,” Dan replies. He waits until Levi has hung up before he slowly returns to the table. 

Phil is speaking quietly to Chris as Dan approaches, so Dan pretends to be distracted on his phone, straining his ears to listen. 

“Look, I know you weren’t, Chris. But Dan’s... we’ve gotten really attached to the kids, okay? So just... choose your words better.”

Chris looks guilty, but nods. He’s about to say something when Dan finally looks up from the phone, sending Phil what he hopes appears to be an easy grin. “The kids are fine,” he announces, sliding into his seat. “They had some pizza and they’re playing Mario Kart.”

Phil grins, dropping his arm back across the back of Dan’s chair. “See? I told you they’d be fine.”

Dan rolls his eyes, turning away pointedly. “Whatever,” he mumbles. 

“Here’s your drink, love,” Phil says, his voice taking on a softer pitch as he hands Dan a glass of what Dan assumes is some type of punch. 

“Phil’s really got the parental controls on tonight, he’s even censoring Danny’s drink,” Chris announces in a teasing sort of voice. 

Dan sends him a wry look. “I’m driving, actually. I’m assuming he’s just looking out for me by getting me something without alcohol.”

Chris looks immediately embarrassed. “Er. Right, yeah.”

PJ shakes his head at him mockingly. “When will you learn, Chris, when will you learn?” 

Chris mumbles something probably rude under his breath, but Dan chooses to ignore it in favor of thanking Phil for his drink. Phil smiles, pleased, and Dan finds himself unable to care about the other people around them at all. 

~~~

There’s quiet conversation for a few more minutes until someone takes to the stage, thoroughly quieting everyone down. Phil whispers to Dan that this is his boss, and Dan, in turn, whispers back that he looks kind of like a cool wizard, with his wiry white beard and round glasses. Phil pinches his waist. 

“Welcome, everyone, I’m really excited to see the turnout for the evening. We’re here to support a very good cause, as you are all probably very well aware. Mind Over Matter, the prestigious mental health charity, and also the reason for tonight’s event, has helped thousands of young people struggling with mental illness across the UK. Tonight there will be several speeches made by some of MOM’s leadership, as well as some special guests invited on behalf of the BBC.” He pauses, probably for dramatic effect, and several people applaud during the silence. He grins before continuing. “Of course, this is a fundraiser, so there is a silent auction operating in the B lobby, just down the hall from this room, and there will be several opportunities for donations throughout the course of the night, in between speeches and presentations.”

He speaks a little more, but Dan mostly tunes out, most of it applying to actual employees of the BBC. Phil seems interested, and Dan takes a moment to admire him. He looks good tonight, with his quirky outfit choice and his freshly washed hair swept back in a perfect quiff. The index finger of one hand traces the stem of his champagne glass while the other rests against Dan’s shoulder blade, where he’s rubbing smoothing circles with his thumb. 

Phil’s gaze suddenly flickers over to Dan, startling him. Phil sends him a confused smile and Dan shrugs sheepishly. It’s a wordless conversation, barely even a conversation at all, really- more so just an acknowledgement of the other’s presence. It’s nice, the way it fills Dan with a comfort, bone deep. 

“And of course, Mind Over Matter has been kind enough to donate some of their merch, so be sure to pick up a gift bag on your way out, everyone,” Phil’s boss, who Dan vaguely remembers is called Greg, is saying. He clears his throat as if he’s coming to an end of his announcements, which Dan is secretly relieved by. “The presentations will start shortly, led by Mind Over Matter’s co-founder, and my co-host for the evening, Bryony Matthewman. Before she takes the stage, dinner will be brought out, courtesy of our caterer for the evening...” Greg trails off on another ramble, thanking the catering company and anyone else who donated or helped set the fundraiser up in any way. 

“Bit of a shaggy dog, innit?” Phil whispers right into Dan’s ear, his voice deeply northern. 

Dan flinches away in surprise at the closeness. Phil places his palm on the back of Dan’s neck and squeezes gently. “A what?” Dan whispers back, their faces incredibly close. 

“A shaggy dog,” Phil repeats. 

Dan shakes his head, uncomprehending. “I don’t know what the hell that means,” he says with a smirk. “I don’t speak hobbit language, or whatever the hell.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “C’mon. That’s a British thing. A shaggy dog?” At Dan’s blank stare, he huffs and moves imperceptibly closer, probably noticing the subtle questioning glances from their table mates. “A made up story? Or like a long story with no point?”

Dan blinks. “You couldn’t have just said he talks a lot or something? You had to go full northern?” 

With another huff, Phil reaches up and tugs on the hoop of Dan’s earring in reprimand. “Hush.”

Grinning, Dan shifts his face just enough to brush his lips against Phil’s cheek. “You started it.”

“Oi,” Chris says teasingly from across the table. Luckily, the stage is empty now and a dozen or so people in white uniforms are moving around the room with food trays. “Stop flirting in front of my salad,” he says, gesturing pointedly to the salad that’s been placed in front of him. 

Dan rolls his eyes as the waiter makes his way around the table, delivering salads to each of them. “Sorry,” Phil says, not an ounce of sincerity in the way he smirks around the words. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Tom says from Phil’s right side. “He’s just jealous that he doesn’t have a relationship as cute as yours.”

Chris makes an indignant squawking sound at this, which everyone at the table laughs over. “I am not!” He protests. 

“Okay, sure,” PJ says. He nods like he’s being genuine. “You’re definitely not a jealous bitch.”

Chris mumbles something scathing about what he thinks about their affection, but Dan’s too busy trying to manage his face-splitting grin to even process it. Phil tuts from beside him, but a glance proves that he looks pleased by the comment as well. Dan has a fleeting moment of disappointment; these are Phil’s coworkers and friends, it’s important for them to believe the charade that is their fake engagement. As much as some newish part of Dan would like to believe that Phil is happy about their perception of them for the same reason Dan is happy, he knows that’s likely not the case. 

He makes a split-decision right then, watching that relaxed smile on Phil’s face. Tonight is a performance, the fundraiser their stage, Phil’s coworkers their audience. And for tonight, Dan would be the best actor he could. And as someone who had been a theatre kid in school, he knew the best method actors used real-life emotions and thoughts to enrich their acting. So for tonight, with their perception in the hands of his acting abilities, Dan would allow himself to indulge in those emotions to impress their audience. 

As his hand falls to Phil’s thigh, he tells himself this is part of the script. That the way Phil glances at him, a raised brow, is penciled in as a blocking note rather than a reaction of surprise. He smiles at his best friend, the portrayal of his love interest for the night, and allows himself a moment without pretenses or a mask of uncertainty. If Phil notices the shift in Dan’s face, he doesn’t react. 

Instead, he nudges Dan’s elbow with his own. “Can I have your croutons?” He asks, nodding to Dan’s food. 

It’s not a line. None of it ever is, with Phil. “Sure. If I can have some of your cherry tomatoes,” Dan says, lips quirking on a grin. 

Phil nods, smiling excitedly as he moves his bowl closer to Dan’s. They pick at each other’s salads, trading the things they like or don’t like out of each other’s bowls until they have what they want. “Is that cheese?” Phil asks, pointing to something. 

Dan squints at it before shrugging. “I think it’s a lettuce.”

Phil pouts. “If it’s not I don’t want it. Will you take it?” 

“I’ve got lettuce,” Dan argues. 

Stabbing the mystery bit with his fork, Phil holds it in front of Dan’s mouth. “Please?” 

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, alright,” he sighs, opening his mouth and allowing Phil to pop it in. He chews thoughtfully. “It was a lettuce.” 

Phil shrugs, already picking at his food again. “Better safe than sorry.”

Dan turns to roll his eyes at Phil for their tablemates to see, but instead he finds them all pretending not to look at them. “What?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow up. 

PJ shrugs, looking entirely too amused. “Nothing,” he sings. “Just funny seeing the two of you in action.”

Blinking, Dan shrugs. “Okay?”

Sophie swats at her boyfriend’s arm playfully. “He just means it was interesting to see how in sync you both are.”

Phil speaks up then, half-paying attention as he is. “We’ve been together for ten years,” he comments, almost off-handedly. “I reckon we’re as in sync as two people can be.”

Chris whistles lowly. “Ten years is a long time, innit?” 

Dan’s not sure if it’s rhetorical or not. “Well, where were you ten years ago? Does it feel like it’s been a long time?” He asks him. 

The man surprisingly nods immediately. “Forever ago, actually. Being in uni and drunk off my face every night with Peej. Feels like ages ago now.”

Not sure how to respond to that, Dan shrugs, taking a sip of water. “Well. I don’t know, ten years hasn’t seemed that long to me.” He looks over at Phil and risks being overly sappy, under the pretense of playing his part. “Not long enough, I reckon.”

Phil looks up as he says this, looking genuinely surprised when they lock eyes. There’s an intensity there that would usually scare him, but Dan refuses to look away now. Instead, he just offers a little smile. Phil returns it immediately, without any hesitation. 

Chris makes a gagging sound. “Ten years in and you still look at each other like you’ve hung the bloody moon or something,” he sounds both awed and disgusted. Dan can’t help but laugh. “I reckon if I’d been with someone that long I’d be ready to rip their face off, I wouldn’t be giving them Bambi eyes over salad.”

Phil cuts his eyes to him with a sly grin. “But that’s the thing, Chris, you’ve not been with someone for ten years. In fact, you’ve barely managed two.”

There’s a chorus of laughter around the table, but Chris takes it in stride, shrugging. “What can I say? I can’t be tied down, I’m just not made for that kind of life.”

Almost imperceptibly, Dan and Phil share a look. Phil’s eyes are dark in the light of the room and he gives Dan a look that gives him shivers. Dan clears his throat before looking away, his cheeks flushed. “Believe me, the right person can change that,” he says simply. Promptly, as he’s suddenly feeling giddy with whatever brief moment he and Phil just shared, Dan changes the subject. “So are any of you involved with the charity?”

They move the conversation to the event of the evening, and Dan’s genuinely happy to listen to everyone discuss the mental health organization and what they do, especially as it gives him a distraction from the way Phil’s decided to place his hand so delicately on his knee. It’s a light touch, punctuated occasionally with a brush of his fingers or a squeeze, and by the time the spokesperson from Mind Over Matter takes the stage, Dan’s heart is a hummingbird in his chest. 

“Hello, everyone. My name is Bryony, as Greg introduced me earlier. Mind Over Matter is so very pleased to be here this evening, and we couldn’t be more thrilled to have the chance to work with the BBC for such a good cause.” She continues speaking about the charity’s mission statement and the logistics of running a mental health charity, and Dan finds himself enraptured in a way he wasn’t with Greg. 

He actually genuinely cares about mental health charities and already donates to several, but now that he’s listening to someone from inside one of those charities, he realizes how much more involved he’d like to be. He makes a mental note to grab more information about the charity later in the night, listening intently as Bryony shares some of her own struggles with mental illness and the stigma that surrounds it. 

Without his conscious consent, his body tenses up when she begins speaking about depression and how it has affected her life. It’s not that depression is a universal truth for every person that has it, as it comes in many flavors and shapes and sizes, but hearing someone else’s story about something he’s struggled with most of his life puts him on edge. A touch to his hand has him flinching, and Phil shushes him softly. Dan glances at his blurry face, blinking quickly to bring him back into focus. 

“Breathe,” Phil murmurs, almost silently. He holds Dan’s clenched hand in both of his, holding eye contact as Dan forces himself to relax. Phil smiles when Dan unfurls his fist, squeezing Phil’s fingers several times. 

“Charities like Mind Over Matter helped support me when I needed it most. I wanted to give that gift to someone else, and be a voice for someone struggling.” Bryony appears to be at the end of her speech. “Throughout the course of the night, you’ll hear several other stories, both from speakers and videos we’ve put together, and I hope they inspire you to be the change in someone else’s life. Thank you.”

An applause Greg’s introduction couldn’t have challenged erupts as Bryony leaves the stage, Dan included this time. His mind is running on a loop of what she said, repeating the words over and over. He realizes, somewhere, that he’s desperate to find a way to integrate his passion for mental health awareness into how he contributes to the world. All he’s ever wanted was to put more good into the world than bad, and part of that need has been soothed by his insistence to foster. Now, his mind is being opened to a new realm of possibilities he hadn’t even considered before. 

He’s so focused on thinking of all the ways he could make a change that it takes him a moment to realize that Phil is trying to speak to him. “Dan,” he says, almost panicked. 

“Hm?” Dan hums, half-listening. 

Phil lets out a breath of relief. “Are you okay?” 

“Mhm,” Dan murmurs. “Just thinking. That was a lot, right? Like a lot to think about?” He looks up at Phil, waiting for him to agree. 

Phil flicks his gaze between the stage and Dan several times before he seems to get it. “The speech?” When Dan nods, Phil shrugs. “I mean, it was a good speech. She’s a good spokesperson.”

Dan nods, looking away. Phil’s not insensitive by any means, he just didn’t always get the desire to speak out the way Dan did. He was a more passive and peaceful sort of thinker, preferring to exist in the comfort of his own mind when it came to his belief system, which generally reflected Dan’s own, even if it was more subtle. “Right,” Dan says belatedly. 

There’s a flicker of confusion on Phil’s face as he glances at Dan, but before he can say anything else, their waiter has returned to clear their plates away. 

“I hear we’re having chicken parm tonight,” Chris says, rubbing his hands together conspiratorially. 

“That’s one of my favorites,” Dan says mildly, his mind still running in circles around something else entirely. 

“Except when I’m cooking it,” Phil jokes, smiling broadly when his coworkers laugh. He’s good about making light jokes at his own expense sometimes, and Dan’s always sort of admired that about him. 

“I didn’t say that,” Dan protests with a roll of his eyes. He considers it, then shrugs. “I am a bit better at cooking, though.”

Phil snorts, quite unattractively. “Okay, Mr. Boil the Pasta Without Water,” he taunts. 

Dan swats at him playfully. “Hey,” he protests weakly. “I don’t tell everyone about your cooking failures. Remember the dalgona coffee? Or the brownies? Or the-“ 

He’s interrupted by Phil placing his fingers over his mouth. “Okay! We get it, we get it.” He sounds sheepish. 

PJ tuts. “I didn’t realize we’d be getting all this hot gossip.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Do tell us more, Daniel.”

Phil’s quick to interrupt there, of course. “How about we don’t and say we did,” he says blandly, looking vaguely worried. 

“What’s the matter, Philly?” Chris teases. “Afraid he’ll tell us all your secrets?” 

Before Phil can answer, Dan shakes his head. “Nah, he’s just afraid I’ll tell you about how he tried to cook a pizza while it was still in the box,” he says smoothly. 

“Dan!” Phil squawks, indignant. 

“Oops,” Dan says, grinning at him. 

Shaking his head, Phil crosses his arms, looking the epitome of a spoiled child. “That was supposed to be a secret,” he whines. He’s playing it up for the sake of the people watching and laughing at their little argument, but Dan allows it. It’s nice to have a moment to be sort of themselves, banting about things that happened even before all the pretending. Not to mention it’s kind of adorable when Phil pouts. 

“Not anymore!” Dan says cheerfully. He sees the same waiter from before approaching their table again, this time with a tray of food. Sure enough, there are several plates on it, each of them full of a serving of chicken parm. He’s careful as he passes them out, and Dan’s sure to thank him politely when his plate is placed in front of him. 

As everyone tucks into their food, another presentation starts, and after that the chatting is at a minimum. Other than when the waiters swoop in to collect the dishes between the speeches, there’s not a whole lot of time for small talk, and Dan spares a moment to be grateful for that. Despite how much he’s genuinely and unironically enjoying himself, he’s not sure he likes the way he’s put himself on this stage, their every move speculated on by Phil’s closest coworkers. He tries to tuck that thought away for now. He’s having a good night; they both are, he thinks, so there’s no point in ruining it for himself because of his own self-doubt or whatever his mind is conjuring up now. 

Eventually, the evening begins winding down. Greg takes to the stage to remind everyone to stop by the silent auction on their way out, something everyone could have filtered in and out of as they pleased throughout the night. He also thanks everyone for coming and reminds them to pick up a gift bag on the way out as well. Bryony comes back to the stage for a thank-you message as well, and then everyone slowly starts mingling, wandering over to other friends and coworkers they hadn’t had the chance to speak to yet. 

“This is the part I was dreading,” Phil mumbles. “We got here late enough that we could avoid it then but there’s no way to avoid all the small talk now.” 

Dan drops a hand to his thigh and squeezes reassuringly. “It’ll be alright, baby. I’m the master of escaping social situations, remember? We’ll be out of here in no time.”

Phil grins at that, and Dan’s heart flutters at having that lovely gaze on him. “I’m holding you to that, you know.”

With a smirk, Dan turns away, looking over at Sophie and PJ. “It was really lovely to see you both again, but we should probably go ahead and say goodbye to everyone. We don’t want to be too late getting home to the kids.”

Sophie nods understandingly. “Oh of course! It was great to see you two.” She smiles at PJ then, nudging his arm. “Small world, huh?”

PJ grins, the expression almost cat-like, as he glances over at them. “The smallest, really. Dan, lovely to see you again, mate. You and Phil should join us for game night sometime.” He doesn’t sound like he’s kidding, the invitation genuine. 

“Sure,” Dan agrees with a noncommittal shrug. 

Phil stands then, placing his hand on Dan’s shoulder as he says his goodbyes. “PJ, Chris, Tom, I’ll see you all at work Monday. Sophie, it was great seeing you again!” His thumb brushes over Dan’s collar, sending a shiver up Dan’s spine inexplicably. “C’mon, love. I ought to go say goodbye to Greg.” 

Dan nods and stands, waving to Phil’s coworkers as they make their way from the table. They get several paces away before Dan grins, knocking his elbow against Phil’s. “Told you we’d get out of it quick.” 

Phil rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t hold my breath,” he mutters, straightening his posture up when they get closer to the stage. “Greg’s a talker.” 

Dan smirks, slipping his hand into Phil’s. “So am I.” 

~~~

It turns out Phil wasn’t kidding about Greg’s talking ability. He rambles for nearly twenty minutes, seemingly without taking a breath. Dan tries to take several opportunities to slip away, but each time, Greg manages to start in on something else, keeping them stood there nodding along politely, pretending to care. Eventually though, Greg seems to run out of things to say, and Phil takes the chance to pretend to check the time on the watch he’s wearing, sending Dan a look, his lips pursed. “I hate to say this, but Dan and I really should be going,” he says, his lips twitching into a very convincing disappointed pout. 

“Oh that’s too bad!” Greg says, looking genuinely let down. “We were going to invite you out for a drink.”

Dan’s quicker than Phil this time, sending the older man a helpless sort of shrug. “We’d love to, but with the kids at home and this being our first night away from them, we really should be getting home.”

Greg nods sadly. “I understand.” He claps Phil on the shoulder and Dan can tell just how annoyed the gesture makes him. “Well, Phil, I appreciate you being here, always glad to have a chance to sit and chat with you.”

Phil smiles, his mouth tight. “Right. You too, Greg.” He turns to Greg’s wife and smiles a little more genuinely. “It was lovely seeing you again, Marianne.” 

The brunette smiles and nods. “And you as well.” She glances at Dan with a polite smile. “It was nice meeting you, Dan.”

Dan offers an easy grin. “You too, both of you,” he extends the sentiment to Greg, who responds with a nod. 

“Cheers, lads. See you on Monday, Phil,” Greg bids them a goodbye, waving with the hand holding his champagne flute. 

Phil waves before taking Dan’s left hand in his right, leading him to the exit. They’re nearly to the door when Phil pauses, giving Dan a sheepish smile. “Do you care if I stop by the loo really quick?” 

Dan rolls his eyes but releases his hand. “Go, go. I’d rather you didn’t wet yourself in my car.” 

Phil’s nose crinkles delicately at that. “I’m not a toddler, Dan, I would never!” 

Hiding his grin, Dan pushes him gently in the direction of the restrooms. “Sure, bub. Go ahead. I’m gonna go snatch another one of those little biscuits.”

Phil’s eyes light up at this. “Will you get me one? The ones with icing?” 

Dan huffs playfully. “Obviously. Who do you take me for?” 

There’s a precious grin on Phil’s face as he leans in and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “You’re the best. I’ll be right back.” 

~~~ 

Phil takes nearly fifteen minutes in the loo, and Dan’s starting to get a bit annoyed when he shows up in the foyer where Dan’s waiting, looking a little out of breath. “You okay, mate?” Dan asks, his voice a little teasing. 

“Never better,” Phil grins. “Ready to go?” He asks, reaching out to hold Dan’s hand as they walk. 

Dan nods wordlessly. They’re handed a gift bag each at the door, and Phil chivalrously offers to carry both of them to the car. They’re quiet as they walk, both of them lost to their own bubble of thoughts as their hands swing between them. 

“Did you have a good time?” Phil asks into the silence. 

Dan glances at him, finding an almost nervous look on Phil’s face. “I did, actually, yeah,” Dan says with a smile and a squeeze of Phil’s fingers. “I really enjoyed hearing all of the ways to get involved with the charity and stuff.” Phil nods along, looking relieved. Dan nudges his elbow with his own gently to get his attention. “Thank you for inviting me,” he says softly. 

Phil slows his steps a little, really looking at Dan before he speaks. “I know how much mental health means to you, Dan. I just... I figured that you’d enjoy something like this.” 

Dan nods, looking down at the pavement below their shoes. “I did.”

“Did you get to speak to everyone you wanted to? I know lots of people were handing out information,” Phil says, changing the subject a little. Dan’s secretly a little pleased; he’d rather not talk about how much the gesture of Phil inviting him to such a public event means to him. 

“I think so, yeah,” Dan nods. 

Phil nods too, slowing to a stop as they’ve reached Dan’s car. “That’s good. I, um... I actually went and spoke to the lead speaker, Bryony?” 

Dan glances up at him. “Yeah?”

Phil nods, not quite looking directly at him. “Yeah, I figured... I figured if you had an in with someone you knew at a mental health charity the school might finally let you do that assembly about mental illness and how to get help.” 

“I...” Dan stutters out, suddenly at a complete loss for words. The thoughtfulness of the gesture is setting in, and all he can think about is how much Phil means to him, how much it means to him that Phil would suffer through his social anxiety in order to talk to someone for Dan, without Dan even knowing. Dan can only stare at him in shock, eyes and mouth wide and gaping as he struggles to comprehend how absolutely selfless this man is. 

“I know it’s not a lot,” Phil rushes to say, clearly taking Dan’s silence the wrong way. “And it’s not my business anyway, but I- I know how much you’ve wanted to do that for the school, and I thought maybe this would be a good place to start and-“ 

Dan interrupts him then, flinging himself forward and wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck. He’s half a second away from kissing him, but at the last second his lips change course and land firmly against Phil’s lovely cheek. Despite the change Dan’s felt this evening in that aspect of their behavior, this is one moment of their genuine real relationship that Dan doesn’t want to mar with the confusion of his romantic feelings. So instead he hugs his best friend as tightly as he can, feeling full of something warm and fuzzy when Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist and squeezes. 

“Thank you,” Dan whispers. “Thank you so much, that...” he clears his throat. “That means more than you’ll probably ever know.” 

Phil kisses his cheek, right where his dimple is. “Of course. Anything for you, you know that,” he says, his voice soft and full of feeling. 

Dan squeezes him once more before releasing him, giving him another smile before they get into the car. Almost immediately, their hands find each other again over the console separating them, and Dan resigns himself, happily, to a one-handed drive. 

~~~

The flat is quiet when they get home, both of them more than ready to get out of their suits and into some pajamas. Phil murmurs that he’s going to go put the gift bags away and Dan nods before going to check on the kids. As expected, the twins are fast asleep in their beds, and Dan creeps through the room, making sure each of them are tucked with their favorite plushies. He kisses the top of both of their heads, and only Mia stirs, just a bit. 

Walking down the hall, he hears quiet voices and finds Phil, minus his shoes and suit coat, talking to Levi in the kitchen. “And they didn’t give you any trouble going to bed on time?”

Levi shakes his head with a smile. “Not at all. I uh... pulled a Dan and stayed in there to read to them for a while and they both just fell asleep.” 

Phil looks relieved. “Perfect. Did we leave you enough money for the food? Did you all have enough to eat?” 

Dan steps behind him then, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist with a hum. To his credit, Phil doesn’t even jump at the suddenness of the contact. “Stop interrogating him, you sound like me,” he chastises, grinning at Levi over Phil’s shoulder. 

Phil huffs, crossing his arms. “You worried before, I’ll handle worrying after. Go to bed.” 

Dan shakes his head, kissing Phil’s jaw before stepping away. “I don’t really think that’s how this works,” he says. He turns to Levi then with a smile. “You guys were okay I take it?” 

Levi nods, looking tired but happier than Dan’s seen him since he moved in. “We were fine. I’m exhausted though, I’ll give you that. I don’t know how you guys do it.”

Phil flicks his gaze over to Dan’s and they share a smile. “It’s worth being tired,” Dan says simply. “But you’re a kid too, and the kids shouldn’t have to be tired for doing the parents job, so it’s time you head to bed too, bub.”

There’s a flicker of disappointment on Levi’s face and then it’s gone as he nods in agreement. “Okay,” he says, turning to leave the kitchen with a little wave. Before he gets too far though, he spins back around, quirking a brow. “Did you guys have fun on your date?” He asks with a smirk. 

Dan flushes, not even sure why it embarrasses him for Levi to call it that. Before he can answer, Phil puts his hand on Dan’s back, nodding for the both of them. “We did, yeah.”

“So does this mean you guys trust me enough now to leave us home alone every now and again? You could have a weekly date night,” Levi says with a very sweet smile. A twitch of his lip shows that he’s mostly kidding. 

Dan rolls his eyes. “Thank you for the suggestion, Levi. We’ll think about it,” Dan nods to the stairs, his arms crossed. “To bed, kiddo. Don’t forget about therapy tomorrow.”

Levi nods, waving half heartedly as he leaves the kitchen. “Yeah, alright. Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, Levi,” Phil calls. He turns to face Dan with a smile. “The twins okay?”

Dan nods, pulling his suit jacket off. “Yeah, they’re all tucked in with their plushies.”

“Good,” Phil nods, leading the way back to their bedroom. He’s flung his jacket across the bed and Dan makes a petulant noise when he sees it. “Sorry,” Phil grins, going to hang it up. “What pjs do you want to wear?” He asks, pulling one of their dresser drawers open and sifting through it. 

“Mm. Just a shirt, please. Something cozy,” Dan mumbles, taking his shoes off and neatly placing them back on the rack. He places Phil’s beside them, smiling at how neat it looks. 

“Here,” Phil says, handing Dan a folded up tee. When he grabs it, Dan realizes it’s one of the shirts Phil had gotten him on a family vacation to Florida a few years ago. It’s got little cats in space suits and is quite honestly the best piece of clothing he owns, in his opinion. 

“Thanks,” Dan says, working on unbuttoning his shirt. The bundled up t-shirt in one hand makes it difficult to make any progress though, and Dan makes an annoyed noise through his nose. “Stupid shirt-“ he mutters darkly to himself, tugging on the second button aggressively. 

“C’mere, idiot,” Phil says fondly, knocking Dan’s hands out of the way in order to actually unbutton the shirt. Dan watches his hands, lips quirking when he notices how they’re shaking. 

“Your hands are shaky,” he murmurs softly. “You okay?”

Phil lets out a quivering laugh. “You just make me nervous, sometimes.”

“Me?” Dan asks, incredulous. “How?”

Phil gives him a look, but doesn’t answer. His knuckles brush Dan’s stomach as he gets to the last couple of buttons, and Dan can’t stop a shiver from crawling down his spine. Phil pauses his movements, eyes flickering up to meet Dan’s again. The blue-green of his eyes is almost completely gone, his pupils blown out and making his eyes look darker than Dan knows them to be. Dan’s breath catches as their gazes lock, the soft sound audible in the limited space between them. 

Swallowing hard, and trying not to spook him too much, Dan raises his hands carefully to Phil’s neck. He brushes his fingers against the bow tie around Phil’s neck, and he shivers. “I’m gonna take your tie off, yeah?” Dan whispers. Any amount of volume sounds like screaming right now, in this quiet space between them. 

“Yeah,” Phil breathes back. His hands slowly drop down to undo the last two buttons of Dan’s shirt, and he hesitates, his hands poised in the air at Dan’s waist. His eyes drop from Dan’s gaze to stare at the bare skin of his chest and he cautiously reaches out, tucking his hands inside Dan’s open shirt and smoothing over his waist, just above the band of his trousers. 

Just that innocent contact has Dan flushing, and he drops his gaze to where he’s undoing Phil’s bow tie, trying to hide from Phil’s searching eyes. “You looked so good tonight,” Dan says, the confession almost inaudible. 

“Yeah?” Phil whispers back, squeezing the bare skin at Dan’s hips. 

Dan nods, tugging the tie loose and tossing it on the dresser. He focuses on his hands as he undoes the buttons of Phil’s shirt, working slowly down the line. “I was really proud to be your date for the evening.”

Phil makes a soft noise at that. “Dan...” He takes a deep breath, almost like he’s steeling himself for something, and suddenly Dan can’t do it. He knows, with how their evening has gone so far, how this chat would go and what it is Phil might be gearing up to say, but right now- Dan can’t hear it. They’ve lived in this little bubble of peaceful in-between for so long, and right now, he isn’t mentally prepared for how their relationship could change if they have the chat they both know is coming. 

“All done,” he says, loud in the space they were just occupying. His hands gently press against Phil’s stomach, pushing him out of Dan’s space a bit. “I’m gonna go have a wee and brush my teeth,” he announces, moving to step past Phil. 

Phil catches his arm before he can get too far. He’s got a pained sort of look on his face. “We need to talk, Dan.”

And there it is. 

“I... I know, just... not tonight, please? We’ve had such a good night, just... tomorrow?” Dan practically begs. 

Phil looks reluctant, but nods slowly, running his palm gently down the length of Dan’s arm before it falls away. “Alright. Tomorrow.”

Dan nods in agreement. He’s already trying to think of a way to prolong it past tomorrow, but he’s not about to tell Phil that. Nodding to the bathroom, he holds up his pjs. “Be right back.”

When Phil nods, Dan quickly disappears into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, something he very rarely does anymore. His hands are shaking as he goes to have a wee, and when he’s finished he washes his hands a little too vigorously, as if that’ll help with the tremors. He’s just washing his face when the bathroom door opens and Phil pops his head in. 

“Remember to take your meds,” he reminds, studying Dan in the mirror. 

Dan nods, gesturing to the pillbox on the tap. “I’m going to,” he replies with a little smile. 

Phil looks relieved. He glances around the bathroom almost awkwardly. “Is it okay if I...” 

Dan’s quick to nod, trying to force a casualness he doesn’t really feel. “Yeah, course.” 

He tries not to watch as Phil comes in, moving through his own nightly routine of washing his face, brushing his teeth, and taking his contacts out. Dan’s a step behind him, just reaching for his toothbrush when Phil is fastening the top back on his contact lens pot, and instead of leaving, Phil leans against the counter and watches him. 

It makes Dan feel even more nervous, and now his hands are shaking even more as he tries to ignore the way Phil’s very obviously studying him. “Quit looking at me,” he mumbles around a mouthful of toothpaste. 

Phil’s got a smile on his face when Dan glances at him. “Sorry.” It doesn’t sound very genuine, but then he sighs, reaching out and tugging gently on the hem of Dan’s t-shirt. “You just look kind of adorable in that shirt,” he says with a sweet smile.

Dan flushes red all over at the compliment. “Shut up,” he grumbles before spitting out the foam in his mouth and reaching for their little rinse cup. It doesn’t hit him until after he’s swishing the water around in his mouth that this is another one of their things, another little domestic object that they share, undisputed. He places it gently back on the tap before spitting the water out. “I’m tired,” he announces, turning to leave the bathroom without another glance at Phil. 

He crawls into bed, a real exhaustion suddenly wearing on him as he does, proof of the full day they’ve both had. Phil slides into bed beside him after turning the light off, casting the room in a near pitch-darkness. He shifts around a bit before finally settling, and then it’s so dead quiet that Dan nearly stops breathing, the sound shockingly loud in the silence. 

“Come here,” Phil says softly. 

“Why?” Dan mumbles, unthinkingly. 

Phil lets out a huff. “Because I want to hold you, that’s why, rat.” 

“Oh,” Dan whispers. He slowly shifts over, crowding into Phil’s space gradually. Phil apparently doesn’t have the same patience, as he hooks an arm around Dan’s waist and tugs him right up against his chest. 

“Mm,” Phil hums contently in Dan’s ear. “Are you comfy?”

Dan smiles at the low voice. “Yeah, baby, I’m comfy.” 

Phil kisses his jaw, close to his ear. “Good.” 

They lay in silence for long enough that Dan assumes that Phil has already fallen asleep. He’s proven wrong when he feels another kiss, this one pressed to his hair, followed by Phil squeezing his waist. “You okay?” Dan mumbles, something worrying in the strength of Phil’s grip. 

“I’m fine,” Phil says dismissively. There’s an audible hesitance in the following silence until he whispers, “Did you really have a good night?”

Dan tilts his head back a little to smile at him. “Of course I did.” He nuzzles into Phil’s chest, leaving a fleeting kiss on the collar of his t-shirt. “I wanted to say thank you again, by the way. For the whole...” he gestures vaguely. “Talking to Bryony for me. That was really sweet of you.” 

Phil kisses his forehead. Dan feels so small in his embrace. “Of course. I mean...” Phil sighs. “Even before the whole fake dating thing, I would’ve done that. You... you’re my best friend in the whole world, Dan.” 

“I know,” Dan replies, his voice cracking in an embarrassing sort of way. “I know that,” he repeats after clearing his throat. “This wouldn’t work if we weren’t.”

“Right,” Phil says slowly. He tugs gently at Dan’s shirt, and Dan feels his heart flutter at the way Phil’s hand sneaks underneath the fabric. His nails lightly scratch over Dan’s back, and the feeling is so light and gentle that it sends shivers all over Dan’s spine. “But even outside of this part of our life, the part that’s just for now... you’ll always be my best friend, yeah?”

Dan swallows hard. Something hot and sick is crawling at his throat, making him feel suddenly fidgety and anxious. He goes to shift and Phil’s hand splays out on his back, holding him steady like he’s falling. He is, in a way. 

“Of course, yeah,” he rasps out, half-responding to Phil. The half of his brain that isn’t stupid and filled with mush is trying desperately to come up with a way to curb his anxiety. 

He finds that distraction in the way Phil strokes his back in long sweeps, and Dan feels himself relaxing into it. “You look so cute,” Phil whispers. 

Dan smiles, his eyes having fluttered shut at some point. “Thanks,” he mumbles. 

Phil laughs, and then there’s an easy, sleepy silence spreading over them. Dan’s brain, even as it slows down with the impending sleep, manages one last coherent thought. “Phil?” 

“Mhm?” 

Dan smacks his lips as he tries to remember what he wanted to ask. “How long do you think we can do this for?”

“What?” Phil asks, nearly inaudible. 

“This,” Dan mumbles, punctuating his words with a squeeze of his arm around Phil’s torso. “It’s got a deadline, doesn’t it?” It’s not really a question. Dan knows the answer. 

The question’s not completely out of left field, Dan thinks vaguely. It’s been on his mind all night rather consistently, and even before that he’s thought about it from time to time; wondering if they’ll get to celebrate Christmas with the kids, or Easter. Sometimes his mind races past that, to the what if’s beyond their current family unit: what if someday these children were moved somewhere else, would they even be able to cope well enough to move on and foster other children? Or would this whole thing, this whole life they’d built together, come crashing down? 

“I don’t know,” Phil eventually answers, after what feels like hours. 

Dan nuzzles his chest. “Not forever though, I guess?” 

Phil leans down and kisses his cheek softly. “Let’s not think about that tonight. We’ve had a good night and we can talk about this tomorrow.” 

“Okay,” Dan says quietly. There’s a lot on their plate for tomorrow’s conversations, it seems. Suddenly Dan’s so exhausted, he feels like he could sleep for a year. He’s not sure how much of that is genuine exhaustion and how much is the desire to avoid the confrontation he knows will be waiting for him on the other side of tomorrow. He kisses Phil’s neck. If this is the last night they have like this, with this same platonic intimacy, he wants it to end on a good note. “Love you,” he mumbles, intentionally low and inaudible. 

Phil rubs soft circles between his shoulder blades. “Love you too, bear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Stay safe everyone!


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lazy Saturday takes an... unexpected turn.
> 
> TW: This chapter explains in some detail the abuse/neglect the children experienced. Please read with caution. (If you would like to skip this, it is unmarked, but it is in the scene with Hazel. There will be a note at the end explaining the part of that conversation relevant to the plot going forward.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back? back again? Another chapter of this story! Sorry for the wait, I've been busy with mental breakdowns, school, work, and some family matters. Thank you so much for being patient and waiting for this story, I'm so grateful for the support!  
> Also... thank you to those of you who voted for this fic in any of the phanfiction awards categories. I am still beyond surprised and grateful for the love you guys have given this story, so thank you for that <3 <3  
> I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Dan’s awoken, as he seems to be constantly these days, by the sound of a phone. It takes him a couple sleep-drunk moments to recognize that it’s not his alarm, or even his phone. For once it’s Phil’s phone buzzing on his nightstand, and after it doesn’t automatically stop ringing, Dan realizes he needs to intervene.

“Phil,” he mumbles, shifting around and trying to gather his bearings with his eyes still shut. “Phil, phone.”

“Yeah,” Phil mumbles back, his voice somewhere above Dan’s head.

Flailing his arm out from underneath the duvet leads to Dan realizing that he’s snuggled against Phil’s chest, with the older man’s arms wrapped around him in a loose embrace. “Answer the phone,” Dan whines, getting more and more irritated at the sound.

“I can’t, you’re on my arm,” Phil complains.

Sure enough, Dan feels Phil’s arm wiggle underneath his shoulder. “Sorry,” he mumbles, rolling away enough for Phil to save his arm. As soon as he grabs the phone off the nightstand, he rolls onto his back to answer it, but holds his left arm out to Dan in invitation. Dan gladly takes the offer, crawling right back into Phil’s space and tucking his face against Phil’s neck.

“Stephanie, hi,” Phil greets, clearing his voice to try and sound more awake than what he clearly is.

Dan listens half-heartedly, his eyes drifting shut again as he waits for the call to end so they can both go back to sleep. That’s ripped right out of his grasp, though, as soon as he registers Phil’s side of the conversation.

“Again? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Tell him I’ll be there at nine. No, it’s alright, but just let him know I’ll be there soon.”

Dan whines at that. “Don’t go,” he pleads, his voice still thick with sleep. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Shh,” Phil whispers. “Sorry, not you, Stephanie. I was talking to my fiancé.” Phil sends him a very unamused look as Dan continues to complain about it. “Right. I’ll be there in an hour, thank you.”

He hangs up with a sigh, and Dan unashamedly hooks his thigh over Phil’s hip. “Don’t leave,” he begs, voice whiny.

Phil laughs quietly, his hand patting Dan’s thigh gently over the duvet. “I have to, bub.”

“I wanted to cuddle,” Dan pouts, glaring up at him. He knows he’s being childish. Phil’s a grown man with a job and responsibilities, but he’s also quite a good cuddler, and Dan’s selfish sometimes.

Phil kisses his hair. “We’ll cuddle so much when I get home this evening, alright? Like, so much.”

“Fine,” Dan agrees glumly. He closes his eyes again, resting his head above Phil’s heart.

“You need to let me up,” Phil murmurs after a few minutes, his fingers carding gently through Dan’s hair.

“If I don’t let you up, you can’t leave,” Dan informs him, the idea mumbled against Phil’s shirt.

Phil snorts. “Good tactic.” He pets Dan’s hair some more, and even peppers it with some soft kisses. “I don’t actually want to go,” he says softly.

Dan turns his head just enough to kiss Phil’s chest. “I know.” They lay there quietly for a little longer, soaking up the warmth and affection. Eventually, Dan sighs. “Alright, whatever, leave me,” he says dramatically, slowly detaching his limbs from Phil’s body.

Phil laughs and presses a kiss to Dan’s forehead. “I’ll be back later, you know.”

“I know,” Dan mumbles. “But later is... you know. Stuff.” He tries to avoid looking at Phil, but the part of his brain that’s dumb and likes hurting him can’t help but squint up at him to gauge a reaction.

Phil’s face looks a little less happy, and instead there’s a shadow of nervousness. “Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “But good stuff, yeah?”

And Dan hadn’t really considered that yet. Part of him was just so afraid of being hurt or disappointed that it hadn’t let him consider an alternative, and the part that had... well, that was a very small part. “Yeah,” he says quietly, nuzzling against Phil’s chest.

Phil pats his lower back, just above the swell of his bum. “Alright, then. Let me get up.”

Dan does so begrudgingly, rolling out of his arms and onto his back with a frown. Phil rolls his eyes at him before handing him his pillow to cuddle as a substitute. It’s not nearly as good as the real thing but it will do, Dan decides as he snuggles into it. He manages to drift off to the quiet sounds of Phil rummaging around their room as he gets dressed, but he blinks awake when he feels a soft brush of lips against his cheek.

“Hm?” He hums when Phil mumbles something.

There’s a hand brushing his hair back, and a gentle laugh. “Go back to sleep, bub. I just wanted to say bye. I love you.”

Dan tries to be really awake, but he sort of just nods vaguely in Phil’s direction. “M’kay,” he mumbles. “Kiss?” He requests, the word falling out of his mouth before he can stop it.

Phil laughs, but a second later Dan feels a soft peck on his lips. “Bye, Dan. I’ll see you this evening, yeah?”

“Mhm. Okay,” Dan says, already dozing off once more.

~~~

Several hours later, Dan finds himself sitting at the kitchen table alone, enjoying a fresh cup of coffee as he watches the pigeons and waits for the kids to get out of bed. He’s texting Phil here and there, and he’s just sent off a photo of a particularly chunky pigeon when he hears the tell-tale sound of little feet puttering into the kitchen.

He smiles when Jaiden comes around the corner, rubbing his eyes sleepily with the back of his hand. “Good morning, bubby,” Dan says quietly.

“Morning, Daddy,” Jaiden replies with a yawn and a vague wave. He doesn’t even really look at Dan, instead heading straight for the balcony door, which he sticks his forehead to. Dan can’t help but cringe thinking about the smudges that he’ll have to clean later, but he doesn’t say a word. “Good morning, everyone,” Jaiden greets his pigeon friends politely. “Breakfast is soon. I love you.”

Dan listens with a grin as Jaiden talks to the pigeons softly, and eventually he turns around, coming back over to the table. “Did you sleep okay?” Dan asks him, sipping from his mug.

Jaiden nods, coming to a stop right next to Dan’s chair. He lifts his arms up, giving Dan the cutest, sleepiest pout. “Hug?” He inquires softly.

Dan’s heart melts. “Of course, bub,” he says with a smile, setting his mug down to wrap his arms around the little boy. When Jaiden gives no indication of letting go, Dan chuckles before gathering him up in his arms and situating him on his lap. Jaiden makes a happy noise as he snuggles into Dan’s chest, and as much as Dan’s enjoying this new display of affection, he worries. “You feeling okay?” Dan asks quietly, running a hand over Jaiden’s hair.

“Mhm,” Jaiden nods. “Just sleepy. Wanted a hug.”

Dan coos. He holds Jaiden closer to him, petting his back in long, gentle strokes to give him as much comfort as he can. “I’m always here to give hugs when you need them, alright?”

Jaiden nods against his chest. “M’kay,” he mumbles. He shifts a little, glancing over at Dan’s mug with a curious look to him. “Can I have some coffee?” He asks out of nowhere.

Dan snorts at the swift subject change and the lack of subtlety. “Um, absolutely not, no. Nice try, though.”

With a pout, Jaiden crosses his arms, blinking up at Dan like this is the most unfair thing in the world. “Just a tiny sip, Daddy? Like, a baby one?”

“I think you’re hyper enough as it is, kiddo,” Dan says, shaking his head.

Jaiden looks less than thrilled to hear this. “Dad would let me have some,” he suddenly says, a mischievous look on his face.

Dan can’t help but roll his eyes at the tactic. “I’m sure he would. Dad would also let you stay up until two in the morning watching anime, and that’s exactly why Dad doesn’t get to make all the rules.”

“But Daddy,” Jaiden whines.

“How about this, you can have a tiny, very tiny sip,” Dan relents. “On one condition,” he continues, holding his hand up when Jaiden nods excitedly. “You have to try a new vegetable this week, yeah?”

Jaiden’s nose crinkles, and he looks like he’s seriously considering saying no. Dan waits patiently, sort of hoping that’s exactly what he does, since giving coffee to a small child probably isn’t a great idea anyway. “Deal,” Jaiden announces with a shrug, immediately making grabby hands for the mug.

“Ah, let me hold it, let me hold it.” Dan takes the mug right out of his reach before carefully holding it closer. “It’s still pretty hot, so let me blow on it for a minute.”

Jaiden waits patiently until Dan decides it’s cool enough and carefully brings the mug closer to his face. “A tiny sip?” Jaiden asks, glancing up at him.

Dan nods. “Very tiny. Like barely a swallow, okay? And you can’t tell Dad or Mia or Levi- got it?”

It’s almost hysterical how excited the prospect of a secret makes Jaiden look then. “Okay!”

Dan’s careful as he holds the mug for Jaiden, tilting it just a little bit, just enough for him to get barely a teaspoon. As soon as he’s swallowed, Dan sets the mug down and studies his face for a reaction. Jaiden smacks his lips curiously before a slightly greenish tint colors his usually rosy cheeks. “Ew,” he complains, wiping at his tongue with the sleeve of his shirt.

“What?” Dan says innocently, trying to hide his smile. He knows exactly what it is- black coffee is disgusting until you’ve gotten used to it.

“It tastes like dirt!” Jaiden complains. “Why does it taste so bad, last time Dad-“ he freezes, glancing up at Dan with a guilty look.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Did Dad give you some coffee before?”

Jaiden nods sheepishly. “He let me have some sips of his Starbucks. And Mia, too.”

Dan splutters. “When was that?” He demands.

A thoughtful look crosses Jaiden’s face before he shrugs. “I dunno, before school started.”

With a sigh, Dan sits back in his chair, watching Jaiden follow, cuddling up against him once more. Dan smiles fondly at him, petting his hair gently. “Dad’s gonna be in so much trouble later,” Dan informs him.

“But... you gave me coffee too!” Jaiden protests.

“Just a sip!” Dan whines defensively.

“I’m telling Dad,” Jaiden decides easily.

Dan gapes at him. “You promised you wouldn’t!”

Jaiden blinks up at him with a grin. “I didn’t promise anything!”

“Oh, you little!” Dan laughs, cutting himself off as he tickles Jaiden’s sides, his laughter loud and bouncing off the walls of the kitchen. “Repent, repent!” Dan chants through laughter of his own.

Jaiden squeals, squirming in his lap as he tries to escape. “I’m sorry! I won’t- I won’t!”

Dan stops his attack, scooping Jaiden back up from where he’d been slipping off Dan’s thigh. “Good,” he smiles.

“Do I still have to try a new vegetable if I promise not to tell Dad?” Jaiden asks sweetly, an innocent little smirk on his face.

Dan squints at him. “Are you actually blackmailing me?” He asks, taken aback.

Jaiden shrugs, giggling. “Maybe,” he sings.

Rolling his eyes, Dan pats his back. “Alright, whatever. Tell Dad, if you want. He won’t be mad.”

Jaiden’s face falls. “So I still have to try a vegetable?” He sounds disappointed.

Dan cackles. “Yeah, bub, you’ve gotta try a new vegetable.”

Jaiden sulks at this, crossing his arms. “Fine,” he concedes. Dan knows he can’t stay mad for long, so he waits patiently for something to change. It doesn’t take long. “Can I have breakfast?”

Smiling, Dan gently coaxes Jaiden off his lap. “Of course you can, bub. What’ll it be? Cereal? Omelette? If Dad was here I’d have him make us some pancakes,” Dan muses as he makes his way around the kitchen, checking to see what breakfast ingredients they had on hand.

“Where is he?” Jaiden asks, looking around like he’s just noticed Phil’s absence.

“He got called into work,” Dan says with an apologetic smile.

“Oh,” Jaiden says, nodding knowingly. He seems to consider his options, then says, “I think I’ll have an omelette.”

“Good choice, little man,” Dan says, going to collect the ingredients from the fridge. “Hm... I really need to get some groceries today. Maybe Phil’ll stop by- Jaiden?” The slight raise in pitch is due to the empty kitchen he finds upon turning away from the fridge.

He discards the carton of eggs and the milk on the counter, abandoned in favor of making sure his child hasn’t just dropped off the face of the earth somehow. Making his way down the hall to the twins’ room, there’s quiet voices floating towards him and he begins to feel his worry waver. He’s just about to retreat back to the kitchen to start breakfast when he hears Phil’s voice. Confused, he steps closer and gently pushes the door open.

He’s not sure what he expected, but what he finds is Jaiden and Amelia huddled together on her bed, Dan’s phone held in Jaiden’s little hands. It takes a moment for Dan to register it, but when he hears Phil laugh, he realizes the noise is coming from his phone.

“Dan did what?” Phil asks, his voice lighthearted and amused.

“Yeah, what did I do?” Dan asks, crossing his arms as he leans against the door frame.

Amelia squeals in surprise, and Jaiden’s whole face goes a little pink and sheepish. “Hi, Daddy,” he says with a weak wave.

Dan settles him with an unimpressed look. “Hi. What’ve you got there?”

Jaiden turns the phone around with a little smile. “It’s just Dad.”

Phil looks to be in his office, and he’s got a sweet smile on his face as he waves to Dan. “Hi, baby.”

“Hi,” Dan says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “What did they tell you?”

Phil grins. “Why, Danny? Are you keeping any secrets from me?”

Dan splutters. “No,” he says defensively.

“Mhm,” Phil hums. “So, giving Jai coffee this morning doesn’t ring any bells?”

Dan’s face feels warm when he stalks forward and holds his hand out for his phone. Jaiden gently hands it to him, with a sheepish little grin, and Dan can’t help but roll his eyes fondly. Looking back at Phil, he shakes his head, affecting a stern voice when he says, “I don’t wanna hear it, bub. He told me all about the Starbucks you let him have months ago, and I think that trumps the little secret sip I let him have this morning.”

Phil’s clearly holding back a laugh as he says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Dan gives him a blank look. “Jaiden told me about it.”

Phil shrugs. “You have no proof.”

Rolling his eyes, Dan turns to face the twins. “No more running off with my phone without telling me first, got it?”

Jaiden nods. “Am I in trouble?”

Dan smiles softly at him. “Of course not, bubby. How about both of you get dressed so we can get breakfast, and if you’re extra good we might go to the park later, okay?”

Amelia’s eyes light up and she’s quick to scramble off the bed. “Okay!”

Jaiden’s quick to follow suit, much to Dan’s amusement. When he’s sure they’re okay on their own to get ready for the day, Dan shuffles out of their room, pulling the door nearly shut behind him and sighing. He gives Phil his full attention now, offering him an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry about that, I know you’re busy at work, and I didn’t even know he had my phone until-“

“Dan,” Phil interrupts warmly. “It’s fine.” He’s got a genuine smile on his face, so Dan has no real reason not to believe him.

“Okay,” Dan says softly. He suddenly feels shy, with Phil looking at him like that, even through the screen. “How’s work?” He asks, flinging himself into a mindless conversation so he’s not thinking about the way his stomach flutters, knowing the conversation they need to have later.

“It’s alright,” Phil says with a shrug. “I had to deal with two cancellations on some minor guests and also fire someone, so, like, it could be better,” he says, voice going quieter as he slouches, almost like he’s ashamed to admit he’s having a bad day.

Dan makes some sort of soft, unintentional noise in his throat. “I’m sorry you’re having a shit day, bub.”

Phil shrugs. “S’okay.”

Propping the phone up so they can still see each other, Dan goes about grabbing a pan and the other things he needs to make omelettes. “I’m not, er, keeping you from doing something, am I?” He suddenly asks, turning to glance at the phone, feeling a flash of embarrassment at the way he’d just assumed Phil would be free to chat.

Phil’s got an odd sort of focus in his eyes as he studies Dan. “Not at all,” he says, his voice incredibly soft.

Dan feels better about launching into his version of the coffee story, defending his actions wholeheartedly while Phil snickers and makes disbelieving noises every time Dan insists he didn’t give him that much. Somehow the conversation shifts to a debate on which of the kids are more likely to keep a secret, and from which parent. Eventually they figure Levi’s more likely to keep something from Phil, while Amelia is more likely to keep something from Dan. They decide Jaiden is their Switzerland, and will probably just blurt anything out to either of them if he felt like he was in trouble.

From there the conversation shifts to the similarities they have with the kids, and Phil’s just explaining how Amelia’s more like him when Dan hears footsteps behind him. He glances over and smiles when he sees Levi, hair wild and unkempt, with shadows under his eyes. Something about his posture, and the way he doesn’t even look up at Dan, has his pleasant demeanor dropping, his concerned parent persona taking front stage.

“Levi, bubba, you okay?” Dan asks softly, momentarily forgetting about his conversation with Phil.

Levi glances at him and nods, waving him off with a vague motion. “Just tired,” he mumbles, nearly falling into a chair at the table and dropping his head in his hands like he can’t hold it up on his own. He squints past Dan, at the phone on the counter. “Hi, Phil,” he greets, tilting his head to offer a weak wave with one hand.

Phil looks as surprised as Dan feels at the acknowledgement of his presence, even via FaceTime. “Morning, kiddo. You feeling okay?”

Levi looks on the verge of saying yes, but something in him hesitates. Dan gives him a searching look, and he hopes it doesn’t come across as nosy. “I couldn’t really sleep last night,” he answers finally.

Dan waits for a moment to see if Levi is going to say anything more. When he doesn’t, Dan spares a look at his phone, where Phil seems to be at a loss for words as well. “Was it…” He changes course when Levi’s gaze flickers away. “Do you know why you couldn’t sleep?” Dan asks carefully, navigating some sort of mental minefield trying to say the right thing.

Levi shrugs, dropping his gaze to scratch a fingernail against the table. “Dunno,” he mumbles, closed off once more.

Unsure what else to do or say, Dan sends Phil a look. Luckily, via whatever weird mental symbiosis they share, Phil seems to get it. “Well, I should probably get back to work,” he says, subtly excusing himself from the conversation he realizes that Dan needs to have with Levi. “I’ll see you at home later, yeah?”

Dan nods, offering him a smile. “Yeah, course. Have fun at work. I hope your day gets better.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “Highly doubt it will, but thanks. Have fun at the park without me,” he says with a pout.

Dan laughs. “Play hooky and meet us there.”

“I could never,” Phil says, as if the very idea is shocking to him.

It’s Dan’s turn to roll his eyes then. “Of course not.” Phil gives him a grin, and Dan shakes his head fondly. “Love you. See you tonight.”

“Bye, Dan,” Phil offers him one last smile before the call drops. Dan spares a second to feel disappointed that Phil didn’t say he loved him back, and then he’s cursing himself for it, knowing better than to want more than what he can have. His mind unhelpfully reminds him of the topic of the discussion they’re meant to have later, which does approximately nothing to assuage his nerves.

Turning to Levi gives him a good excuse to push the thoughts away. “Sorry about that,” he says with a half-smile.

Levi shrugs. “S’fine.”

Dan flips the omelette he’s working on over, watching the way the steam rises up as he considers how to ask Levi about his sleep problem. Eventually, he settles on the most straightforward way. “Do you really not know why you had trouble sleeping last night? Or is it just something you don’t want to discuss with me?” He asks in the most gentle tone he can.

“I...” Levi starts. He pauses, like he’s trying to get his thoughts together. “I guess I had, like... like a bad dream.”

“A bad dream?” Dan says, keeping his voice gently inquisitive and really hoping it doesn’t sound like he’s just trying to pry.

Levi nods when Dan looks at him. “Yeah, like- like I’d fall asleep and have this nightmare and so I’d make myself wake up but then-“ the words are spilling out of him in a rush, and he pauses to take a deep breath. “Then I’d fall asleep again and it would just keep happening.”

Dan plates the omelette up quietly as he waits to see if Levi has more to say. When it’s clear that he doesn’t, Dan goes about pouring a glass of orange juice and grabbing a fork, setting the plate and cup down in front of Levi, much to his surprise. “You should eat some breakfast,” he says softly.

Levi sort of glances at the food, like he doesn’t trust it at first, but after a moment he grabs the fork and stabs at the omelette, so Dan turns to go make some more. It’s silent for a few minutes until Levi says, “It was about them.”

The words make Dan turn, flicking his eyes over at Levi with a frown. “Who?”

Levi stares at his food, his face a paler shade than it was before. “My mum and dad.”

And he’s never really spoken about them, not to Dan. He’s not sure what to say to that, though. He’s not sure what he can say that won’t frighten Levi, won’t make him shut down again. All he can offer is a quiet, “I... I don’t know how horrible that must have been. But thank you for sharing that with me.”

Levi nods, looking away. “It was.” When Dan tilts his head in confusion, Levi shrugs. “Horrible. It was horrible.”

Dan’s chest feels tight and heavy. “Levi...”

He’s just about to step closer to comfort him when Levi looks up at him, the sudden eye contact startling him a bit. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Oh,” Dan says, surprised enough that he nearly stumbles back. “I, um. That’s fine. We don’t have to.”

Levi nods, taking a sip of his orange juice. Dan waits for a few moments, plating another omelette before he says Levi’s name quietly. “Hm?”

“I know we say this all the time,” he starts gently. “But anytime you want to talk... about anything, ever...” he turns now, allows himself to look into those pained eyes, that’ve seen things Dan could only have nightmares about, and he forces his voice to be steady but gentle. “We’re here. Me and Phil, we’ll always listen, if you ever want to talk about things. I know we’re not... well, we aren’t your parents.” Levi flinches, imperceptibly, at that. Dan’s heart hurts. “But you’ll always have a family with us, yeah? Anything you need, you can- you can talk to us.”

His voice has gone tight and impossibly high by the time he’s finished, but he forces himself to be unwavering. He won’t let himself cry, not in front of the child he’s meant to be a strong parental figure for. Even despite telling himself that, though, he can feel how hot his eyes are, and forcing himself to blink to clear his vision doesn’t help.

Levi looks back at him for a long moment before nodding. “I know.”

Dan nods too, relieved that he managed to hold himself together and get his point across. “Good,” he says, clearing his throat. “Do you mind going to fetch your brother and sister? Their breakfast is done.”

Levi murmurs an agreement before turning to leave the kitchen, looking relieved to get a break. Dan doesn’t blame him, honestly. When you’re a teenager, the most uncomfortable thing is having an emotional conversation with an adult, especially one you aren’t close to. He can only imagine the discomfort Levi is feeling, and he makes a mental note to be a little more relaxed on him from now on rather than springing those kinds of conversations on him with no warning.

As he waits for the kids to come into the kitchen, Dan checks his phone. He finds a text from Phil and opens it a little bit eagerly. He grins stupidly the minute he reads it, and part of him wants to screenshot it while the other part wants to just tattoo it onto the back of his eyelids. It was sent a little less than ten minutes ago, probably right after their call ended.

_**Phil: Love u too btw** _

_**Phil: I didn’t mean to not say it back** _

_**Dan: Im sure u say that 2 all the boys** _

_**Phil: Nope just you bub ❤️** _

_**Dan grins for the rest of the morning.** _

~~~

A few hours later, Dan manages to get all the kids into the car to head out for some errands. Levi’s got his group therapy session, and Dan’s still trying to decide if he wants to get groceries before or after picking him up when the twins remind him he’d promised to take them to the park. He weighs his options there and eventually decides that going to the park first would probably be in his favor. They can’t be too hyper in the store if they’re both exhausted from playing.

With the day’s plan set, Dan drives Levi to his session, stalling on the side of the street until they’ve watched him walk inside. Amelia tells him she thinks that’s a bit creepy, while Jaiden disagrees, saying that he feels a bit like a spy, watching his brother from the barely tinted windows of Dan’s car.

When they finally reach the park, the twins are nearly vibrating with excited energy, and Dan’s almost already exhausted just seeing how excited they are. “Try not to run off where I can’t find you, okay?”

“Okay!” Amelia all but squeals as she races Jaiden to the curly slide.

Shaking his head fondly, Dan finds an empty spot on a bench near a mum with a pram, and he actively avoids making eye contact with her as he sits. He watches Amelia and Jaiden chase each other around for a bit, eventually pulling his phone out and snapping a photo to send to Phil. The response is nearly instant.

_**Phil: :((( I wish I was there!!!** _

_**Dan: i believe i remember asking u to join us and u said no** _

_**Phil: I’m at work!!** _

_**Dan: well, im at the park bub** _

Suddenly Dan’s phone is ringing. He glances over at the lady beside him, smiling apologetically and seriously hoping the noise doesn’t wake her baby. He scans the playground for the kids as he puts the phone up to his ear, smiling already. “What?” He says, biting back a smile.

“Don’t “what” me,” Phil says, his voice lilting up in playful annoyance. “I’m mad at you.”

“Yeah?” Dan snorts. “And what about, exactly?”

Phil makes a spluttering sound. “You- You’re at the park, without me!”

Dan smiles, partly at the childish tone in his voice, and partly at watching Amelia push Jaiden on the swings. “I mean, to be fair, I’m also at the park without Levi, but I think you’re a bit more upset about it than he’d be.”

Phil mumbles something under his breath, but it doesn’t sound actually mad, so Dan doesn’t ask for clarification. “Did he seem alright when you dropped him off?”

“Yeah, he was fine,” Dan says. He walks in a little circle, stopping once more to watch the twins as he contemplates sharing anything from his earlier conversation with Levi. “He said he had nightmares about his birth parents,” he says softly. He can’t just not talk about it, not when the wellbeing of their children is meant to be a joint effort.

“Oh, god,” Phil breathes. He sounds just as pained as Dan feels at the thought. “Did he say what they were about?”

Dan shakes his head, even if Phil can’t see him. “No. He didn’t really want to talk about it. He just told me that bit, and then he just… sort of shut down.” He tries to steady his shaky breathing.

“That’s… God, Dan, that’s horrible.” Phil seems to reconsider his words. “Not that he told you- I just meant, like… the dreams themselves. That’s awful.”

“And we can’t even do anything about it,” Dan nearly whispers, his gaze going a little blurry as he’s overcome with a striking feeling of inadequacy.

“Dan,” Phil murmurs. “We are doing something, babe. We’re trying to give him a better life, away from that. Even…” He takes a deep breath then, and Dan braces himself for what he knows is coming. “Even if it’s not for long.”

The thought makes Dan feel just as violently ill as it always does. It’s like missing a step on a staircase you’re creeping down in the dark- he should see it coming, but it takes his breath away every time, in the worst way. It takes Dan a moment of choking around the lump in his throat, but eventually he manages to swallow it down, making room in his mouth for the words he doesn’t want to say. “We need to talk when you get home.” His voice is nearly a whisper.

Phil doesn’t respond right away. When he does, he sounds older, more exhausted. “I know.”

Dan’s just about to make an excuse to hang up and get a grip on himself when he hears Jaiden calling for him. “Daddy!”

“Yeah, buddy?” Dan says, faking a smile like the actor he isn’t. Jaiden’s eyes look a little red around the rims, and Dan immediately crouches down to look at him closer, nearly forgetting that Phil’s on the other end of his phone, clueless as to what’s happening. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Jaiden nods, then shakes his head. “Those boys- they said- they said that-“ Jaiden’s hiccuping with almost every word, and Dan takes a moment to shush him gently.

“Take a deep breath, bub,” he instructs gently.

In his ear, he hears Phil’s incessant questions. “What’s wrong? Dan! Is he okay?”

“Phil, he- I don’t know. Give me a minute,” Dan mumbles into the phone. He gives Jaiden a soft smile when he tilts his head curiously. “It’s just Dad. Do you want to talk about it in private?” Jaiden seems to consider it, nodding sheepishly after a moment. “Alright, that’s fine. Give me just a minute, okay?” Standing up and guiding Jaiden over to an empty picnic table, Dan speaks quietly into the phone. “Babe, he’s fine, I think he just got into it with some boys on the playground. I’ll call you back in a bit, yeah? Let me talk to him and sort it out.”

“Okay,” Phil says, sounding relieved. “Tell him I love him, yeah? Please?”

Dan smiles down at Jaiden, his heart full of the best kind of warmth, for both of them. “Will do. I’ll ring you in a bit, yeah?”

“Alright. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Dan says, biting his bottom lip to keep his smile from widening. He ends the call before turning his full attention to Jaiden, who looks much calmer now that he’s had a few minutes to recover from whatever happened. Sitting down beside him, Dan nudges his knee against Jaiden’s playfully. “Wanna talk about it?” He asks gently.

Jaiden put his little arms around himself. Dan’s suddenly reminded that it’s actually a bit cold out, and honestly if they weren’t running around playing, they’d probably be whining to go home to get out of the cold. “Those boys told me to ask if I could play with them on the other side of the park,” he starts, gesturing vaguely to the playground area.

Dan nods, gaze flicking around until he spots Amelia on the swings, playing with a little girl who looks a little younger. “Well, I’m glad you came to ask me first. I’d prefer you didn’t go that far, though, since your sister is still over here.”

Jaiden looks down at his shoes, which he’s scuffing on the ground. “They said something else, too,” he says quietly.

“What’s that?” Dan asks cautiously, a little nervous by the tone of Jaiden’s voice.

“I pointed at you so they’d know who I was asking, and they told me you weren’t my dad, cause we don’t look alike.” Jaiden’s voice sounds so sad and despondent, Dan is suddenly very glad those children are out of his sight. He’s not above chastising someone else’s kids, or kicking another parent’s ass for their offspring’s behavior.

Something about Jaiden’s words dawns on him then, and he looks down at him, frowning. “Bubby… you know I’m not, like…”

Jaiden nods before he can even finish saying it. “I know.” He sighs, then, kicking the ground a little more harshly. “Just wish you were.”

Dan can’t help but wrap him up in a hug upon hearing that. “Jai…” His voice is thick and garbled. He clears his throat and tries again. “You and Mia may not biologically be my children, alright, but I love you both so much. And as far as I’m concerned, you guys are my kids, yeah?”

Jaiden sniffles, burying his face into Dan’s ribs. “What about Phil?” He mumbles.

Dan’s throat goes tight. “Of course,” he says hoarsely. “Phil loves you so much, bubby.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and then Jaiden leans away a little, looking up at Dan with watery eyes. “Will you and Phil always want to keep us?”

His heart aches. He hugs Jaiden closer, kissing the top of his head. A traitor tear escapes his eye, but he allows it, just this once. “Yeah, Jaiden. We’re always going to want to keep you. You’ll always be a part of our family.”

Jaiden stays cuddled to his side for a few minutes, but eventually he pulls away, wiping his face with his sleeve. He looks a little tired, but otherwise mostly back to normal. “Can I go play with Mia?”

Dan nods, kissing his forehead. “Sure, kiddo.” Jaiden slides off the seat and goes to rejoin his sister, but Dan doesn’t let him get far without saying his name quietly. When Jaiden turns to look at him, Dan smiles as earnestly as he can. “I love you, Jai-bird.”

Jaiden smiles at him. “Love you too, Daddy,” he says with a little wave. He’s off in a sprint then, racing towards his sister as if the last ten or so minutes never even happened. with a little more pep in his step, and Dan nearly bites through his bottom lip trying to keep his emotions in check.

It’s not like he hasn’t had this sort of overwhelming breakdown before in regards to the precarious nature of their situation with the kids. He’s had it several times, but always in the privacy of his own room, or at the very least his office at work. Feeling half a centimeter away from a breakdown in public is worlds away from that, and he finds himself digging his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through his contacts before he even realizes what, or who, he’s looking for.

When he hears the familiar sound of ringing as he waits for her to pick up, he holds his phone up to his ear, standing so he can pace while he talks. It doesn’t take long for an answer, thankfully.

“Hello, love. I was starting to wonder when I’d hear from you again,” his mum’s familiar voice fills the line.

Dan chokes a laugh. “Mum,” he says, trying to force himself not to cry.

“Dan? Is everything alright?” She asks, her voice going high when she realizes, undoubtedly, that everything is not alright.

“You were right,” Dan nearly gasps out. It’s hitting him, now, the extent of the realization he’s just had. It’s not just about the children, and about preemptively missing them. It’s about Phil. God, it always is, though, he thinks, nearly bitter at the thought.

“About what, dear? What is this about?”

Dan laughs bitterly. “I don’t know. All of it. Everything. I think I just realized what a mistake this all was.”

“What’s a mistake? Dan, love, you’re scaring me.” She sounds less calm than normal, like maybe she realizes how very not okay he is right now.

Pacing back and forth, Dan gestures wildly, even though she can’t see him. “All of it. The pretending to be with Phil, the fostering...” he takes a shuddering breath. “It was a mistake.”

His mum is quiet for a moment. When she speaks her voice is impossibly soft. “Surely you don’t mean that, love.”

Dan ducks his head, a flood of hot tears pouring from his eyes. “Yes,” he argues. He spares a glance to the swing set where the children are and his heart squeezes. “No,” he sighs, reluctantly. “I don’t know. It’s just... I know I’m going to have to give them up, they’ll leave eventually, and then Phil will leave me and- and-“

And that’s it, really, he thinks to himself. As much as he fears losing the children, he knows he could survive it, with Phil there. But he knows that if Phil were to leave... that’s something he might not survive. Not now.

“I don’t think I can live without him,” he whispers brokenly.

His mum makes a sad cooing noise. “Dan...”

“I love him,” he’s properly crying now. The words aren’t brand new, but the feeling of utter freedom he feels after saying them is an adrenaline rush like no other. “I’m in love with him. I probably always was,” Dan confesses, and the world keeps spinning around him like it always has, as if he didn’t just admit to something he’s spent ten years ignoring.

His mum sighs, and Dan doesn’t think he imagines the note of relief he hears in the sound. “Well not to be blunt, Daniel, but I already knew that.”

Dan’s mind is effectively blank. “You...”

“Love, a mother can always tell. Kath’s known even longer than I have.”

Dan stifles a choked noise. “You and Kath talk too much,” he mumbles petulantly.

His mum laughs, and even in the spiral he’s in, the sound makes his lips twitch in a shadow of a smile. “Well it sounds like you and Phil don’t talk enough.”

“Well that’s not- I mean, we do, but-“

“Exactly,” she says, sounding smug. “Now, assuming you already realize he feels the same way, you probably ought to have a chat with him, Daniel.” She makes it sound so easy. As if he can just stare Phil in the eyes and tell him he’s in love with him, as if that’s something you just do.

“I... I don’t know if I can do that,” he says finally, his chest hurting with the thought of being rejected.

It’s quiet for a bit. Dan hears some clinking and assumes his mum is probably making some tea. Suddenly he yearns for that, despite the fact that he’s never really felt close enough to her to enjoy the typical mother-son bonding activities. This conversation has given him some perspective on his mother that he didn’t previously have, in the best way.

Eventually, she sighs. “Well then it won’t get any better, will it?”

“What?” He asks, almost forgetting what the original conversation was.

“Well, you’re bloody miserable right now, aren’t you?” Before Dan can protest, she continues. “But that won’t change until you do something about it. You can’t expect your problems to just magically disappear without talking about them.”

Dan bristles. “He’s not a problem.”

He can hear the smile in her voice when she answers. “I never said he was, love. I just think the lack of communication is driving you both mad, especially since this is the first you’ve talked to me in weeks.”

Dan feels a bitter guilt in his chest at that. He hates that she’s right, but she is. “Mum, I’m sorry, really-“

“Oh, nonsense. Phil sends me photos of the kids every now and again, and Kath and I chat every week. I knew you were busy, it’s fine, bear.”

His heart warms at that. It’s ridiculous how much he loves that his and Phil’s lives are so intertwined that their mums are actually friends. He sighs as he thinks about why that is, how glaringly obvious his feelings for Phil have been from the start. “I think I’m going to tell him tonight,” he whispers, as if anyone else could hear.

He can hear the smile in his mum’s voice when she replies. “That’s lovely news, Dan.” There’s a wavering hesitation before she continues. “I’m proud of you.”

He’s not crying. “Thanks, Mum.”

“And I love you, no matter what happens, alright? And if that boy has a brain in his head, so does he.”

He’s definitely crying. “Alright, alright. I love you too. I’ll try to call more.”

“I’d appreciate it,” she says dryly. “Maybe a visit soon, yeah?”

Dan’s not sure he can promise her that, but he agrees anyway before ending the call. His heart is full and his thoughts are swimming in circles as he begins wandering around the park, idly looking for his children. It takes him a minute to realize he doesn’t see them, and as soon as he does, his entire mood shifts.

Smiling tightly at the mums on one of the benches, he circles around to where he saw them playing on the swings last. He’s going into full panic mode when he hears a familiar voice.

“Daddy!”

Dan spins around, ready for the relief of finding his child safe. That doesn’t happen. Instead he’s met with Amelia’s tear-streaked face, her legs running as fast as they can carry her as she screams for him.

“Mia! What’s wrong?” He asks frantically, dropping into a crouch to look at her.

“It’s- something’s wrong, Jai’s on the ground and-“ the minute she falls into his arms sobbing, Dan stands, cradling her as she tries to direct him to where Jaiden is.

The next minute or so is a blur for him. Some sort of panicked internal instinct kicks in and one minute he’s running and the next he’s dropping to his knees beside Jaiden’s shaking body. Jaiden’s eyes are full of tears as he gasps for breath, his body convulsing as he grips at his chest. Dan’s veins fill with ice as he grabs the child’s shoulders, wracking his brain trying to remember what little he knows of emergency medical procedures.

“It’s gonna be okay, buddy. Can you sit up for me?” Dan speaks quickly but gently as he props Jaiden into a sitting position, trying to help him gasp more breath in. Dan’s no expert but he vaguely remembers learning how to handle an assumed asthma attack, and right now this is all he knows to do.

Jaiden grips his hand tightly, crying between every strangled breath. “Hurts!”

Dan’s eyes sting. “I know, bubby.” He glances over at Amelia, wide-eyed and crying a foot or so away. “Mia, love, I need you to be a big girl for a second, okay?” She nods frantically. He stands as he talks, scooping Jaiden up in his arms. “We’ve got to take Jaiden to the car. I need you to stay really close to me, okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbles her agreement.

Dan nods, trying to hold Jaiden in an upright position to help his breathing. “Take deep breaths, bub. We’re going to get some help,” he talks gently and as calmly as he can as he makes his way to the car, Amelia hot on his heels.

He manages to keep his composure long enough to get both of them in the car and get himself behind the wheel. Jaiden is nearly sobbing in the backseat, his little hands balled into fists in his shirt, his breathing loud and raspy. Dan swallows the panic down, forcing himself to focus. There’s a couple of random people milling about near his car, having seen the whole ordeal, and Dan tries to avoid eye contact as he drives out of the lot, headed for A&E.

“Hey Siri,” Dan says, loud over the sound of the cries in the backseat. His phone chirps. “Call Phil.”

The line doesn’t ring long before it connects, and an amused voice answers. “Hi baby, miss me?”

Dan has no time for the way that makes him feel. “I need you to meet us at A&E,” he says, getting straight to the point.

Phil’s silent for all of three seconds. “What? What happened, are you okay? Dan-“

“I think Jaiden’s having an asthma attack,” Dan explains quickly. “I don’t know what to do, so I’m headed to hospital. I need you to get a car to pick Levi up and meet us there.”

“Of course, yeah,” Phil answers. He sounds frantic. “Dan, where- are you- is he-“

“Meet us at hospital, yeah?”

“Dan, yes, I’ll be there,” Phil’s voice sounds almost exasperated. Dan can hear some rustling and other noises in the background, and he knows Phil’s leaving work. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan says, trying not to burst into tears when he hears a particularly miserable cry from the back. “I love you.”

“Dan,” Phil sounds nearly breathless. “I love you too. Be safe.”

Dan ends the call without another word, glancing to the back every few seconds to see how Jaiden is. “Just hang on, buddy, we’re almost there. Take some deep breaths, okay. Everything’s gonna be fine.” He’s rambling at this point, but he knows that Jaiden is in no state to recognize the underlying panic just beneath the surface.

“Siri,” he calls again. “Call A&E.”

The phone takes a minute to process this request, and then it’s ringing shortly before a woman’s voice answers with the name of the institution and “how can I be of service?”

“Er- hi, I believe my son is having an asthma attack. I’m bringing him in but I wanted to call and let you know he needs to see a doctor immediately.”

The nurse makes a pitying sort of noise and Dan hears the clacking of a keyboard. “Yes sir, and what is your name?”

“Daniel Howell,” he replies, changing lanes to take the next turn. He thinks it’s a shortcut, but he might be a little delusional about that.

“And the boy’s?”

“Jaiden Young,” he informs her.

“Alright, I’ll collect more information when you arrive. Come straight in through the A&E doors and a nurse will be on standby to help.”

“Perfect, thank you.” He ends the call with a shuddering breath, trying to hang onto what’s left of his sanity until they get there. He glances back again and sees Jaiden, his face red and wet with tears, struggling against his seatbelt. “Hang on, Jaiden. We’re almost there. We’re almost there, and they’ll help you when we get there, yeah? Just... just take some deep breaths, it’ll be okay.”

He really doesn’t know who he thinks he’s fooling.

~~~

Getting checked in when they arrive to A&E is a blur. There’s a nurse waiting, just like the lady on the phone said there would be, but Dan’s reluctant to hand over his child to a stranger. They’ve got a wheelchair waiting, and the nurse is talking in a gentle tone, some of her soothing words directed to Jaiden and a few comments directed at Dan. He barely hears her. There’s a rushing sound in his ears, and he’s only snapped back into the reality of the situation when the nurse begins pushing the wheelchair away, off towards a set of double doors. Dan follows unthinkingly, only stopped by the sound of a raised voice.

“Sir, you can’t go back there.”

Dan turns to stare at the receptionist. “That’s my child, can I-”

She stands, shaking her head. He tries to stand his ground, but her words make him falter. “No sir, not until they’ve figured out what’s wrong. Please have a seat and we’ll let you know when you can see him,” she says, her voice firm but compassionate.

With no other options, Dan nods numbly, turning around to trudge towards some empty chairs near the door. Amelia is looking up at him with big eyes, and he offers her a small, reassuring smile. “C’mon, let’s go sit down for a bit, yeah?”

She nods, swiping at a tear as she reaches for his hand. As soon as he’s found a seat, he reaches for her. She allows herself to be scooped into his lap, wrapping her little arms around his neck with a sad noise. He closes his eyes, rubbing her back gently as he shushes her gently. “Shh, love. It’ll be alright. The doctors will fix Jaiden right up, yeah?” Amelia manages a nod, and they settle into a nervous silence as they wait for something to happen.

They don’t have to wait long. Dan’s expecting Phil to show up any minute, so he’s not really surprised when the doors open and his best friend rushes in, a panicked look on his face as he scans the room. He takes one look at Dan and something seems to settle in him, his shoulders losing some of the tension and his expression morphing into something like relief. Dan doesn’t even think to stop himself from standing, gently setting Amelia down as he takes a step towards Phil. Levi is hovering behind him, his face pale as his eyes go between Dan and Amelia.

“Dan,” Phil says, his voice tight.

Dan doesn’t need any more encouraging. He all but collapses into Phil’s arms, the tears he hadn’t allowed himself to shed pouring from his eyes in waves. Phil makes a choked sort of noise as he wraps his arms around Dan’s shoulders in a tight embrace. “Shh, Dan, it’s okay. He’s gonna be okay.” And Phil can’t know that, not really. Dan appreciates the sentiment, but his crying only subsides enough to give way to hiccups.

“He- it was like he couldn’t…” Dan swallows hard, pressing his wet face against Phil’s neck. “He couldn’t breathe, and I had no idea what to do and-”

“Breathe, Dan. Slow down,” Phil instructs, pulling away to force eye contact. “You’re going to work yourself into a panic attack. Just slow down, yeah?”

Dan nods, taking rattling breath after breath, trying to calm himself down. Phil’s hands come up to cup Dan’s neck, his thumb swiping up to his jaw in soothing motions. The staring should make Dan uncomfortable, probably, with how intense it is, but he doesn’t look away. Somehow it has the opposite effect for once, and staring into those eyes that he loves so much, he actually manages to calm down, if only slightly.

“There we go,” Phil says, voice incredibly soft. “You okay?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Dan rasps out. He remembers then, that they’ve got company, and he forces himself to pull away. He pretends he doesn’t see the hurt on Phil’s face. “Did Phil tell you what happened, Levi?” Dan asks, moving to sit back down. He tugs Phil’s sleeve as he goes, a very obvious instruction for him to stay as close to Dan as possible.

Levi looks almost as panicked as Dan feels, but he sits on his other side, shrugging at the question. Levi watches Amelia crawl onto Phil’s lap before he answers. “He told me you were taking him to A&E because you thought he was having an asthma attack,” Levi says slowly.

Dan nods. He wants to spare him the details, so he chooses his words carefully. “They were playing and Amelia ran over to tell me something was wrong, and when I got over there he was having trouble breathing. I… I’m not really sure what could have caused it.” The admission is bitter on his tongue.

Levi looks down at his shoes. “Where were you? Why weren’t you watching them?” He snaps, his voice quiet.

Dan’s breath catches.

“Levi,” Phil says in a warning tone.

“If you were watching them it might not have happened,” Levi all but hisses, his voice breaking twice before he spits the words out.

“That’s enough,” Phil says, his voice harder than Dan’s ever heard in his conversations with the children. Levi looks up in surprise. Phil’s face is stony, not batting an eye as he stares at the teenager. “That doesn’t help your brother, Levi. Dan didn’t make him have an asthma attack, so we’re not going to assign blame here, okay?”

Levi’s gaze flits back and forth between the two of them before his whole body seems to deflate and he nods tiredly. “Okay,” he murmurs, looking down at his shoes once more. He peeks up at Dan, shrugging one shoulder. “I’m sorry, Dan,” he says quietly.

Dan can only offer a shaky smile. “It’s okay,” he replies automatically. He reminds himself that Levi can’t help how he reacted to the news, and that placing blame is a reasonable reaction for someone of his age, especially in this situation. He reminds himself of this two or three times to be sure, so that he doesn’t accidentally do something stupid, like cry in front of him.

Phil’s hand suddenly drops to his knee, squeezing gently, startling Dan out of his thoughts. “I’m going to go ask the receptionist what sort of papers we need to fill out. Would you call Hazel and tell her about all this? I’m assuming this is the kind of thing caseworkers need to know.”

Dan nods. “Yeah, course,” he agrees, going to dig his phone out of his pocket. Phil offers a little smile, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Dan’s temple. Dan watches him stand, Amelia tagging along with him for the walk over to the receptionist desk.

He’s just about to hit call on Hazel’s name when Levi nudges his arm with his elbow. Dan glances at him with a curious look. Levi substitutes eye contact for gazing out the window past Dan’s head, swallowing hard before he speaks. “I really am sorry,” he says quickly, like he hates the words. “I’m just… I guess I’m scared.”

Dan’s heart melts a little. “I know. I am too, Levi,” he reminds gently.

Levi glances right at him then, and Dan notices the glassiness of his eyes. Oh. “I… I can’t let anything happen to them,” he whispers, dropping his gaze.

Risking an affectionate gesture, Dan reaches out, patting Levi’s back gently. He’s shocked when the precariously put-together expression on Levi’s face crumbles suddenly, an ocean of tears falling from his eyes. “Levi…” Dan says softly, trying his best to navigate the correct way to be comforting in this situation.

It turns out he doesn’t have to wonder for long. Levi does the previously unthinkable, leaning forward and dropping his forehead against Dan’s shoulder as he sobs and allows himself to be hugged. Dan can’t help but cry a little as well, and that’s how Phil finds them a few minutes later. There’s a surprise on his face that Dan feels in his heart, but it morphs into something like relieved affection when Levi begins to control his breathing a little.

“It’s alright, bubby. Jai’s gonna be fine, yeah? Everyone’s fine,” Dan says soothingly, rubbing Levi’s shoulder gently.

Phil and Amelia quietly move to sit on Dan’s other side like before, but Levi must notice their presence, because he stiffens suddenly, pulling away slowly and wiping at his eyes. Dan offers him a sympathetic smile. “Sorry,” Levi mumbles, rubbing harshly at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. He gestures at his face vaguely with a shrug. “I don’t usually…”

Dan shakes his head. “You don’t have to be sorry, Levi. Everyone cries. I cry all the time, just ask Phil.”

Phil pets Dan’s hair. “It’s true,” he says, voice light and amused.

Levi offers a weak smile before looking back at his shoes. “Er… thanks, I guess.”

Dan feels his heart swell. “Of course,” he says gently. He feels a nudge against his elbow and he turns to look at Phil, who’s got a curious look on his face.

“Did you ring Hazel?” He asks.

Sheepishly, Dan picks up his phone, still hovering over her contact info when he unlocks it. “I’ll do that,” he says with a nod. Phil smiles at him gratefully, shifting a sleepy-looking Amelia on his lap as Dan focuses on what to say to Hazel when she answers.

The phone call doesn’t last long, much to Dan’s surprise. He explains briefly what happened and she tells him she’ll meet them there within an hour. She doesn’t ask many questions, and before she ends the call she thanks him for ringing her to inform her about it. Dan’s just repeating their conversation back to Phil when he hears his name called from the door where Jaiden disappeared through earlier.

“That’s me,” Dan says, standing and making his way over to her.

“You’re Jaiden Young’s father, right?” She asks, checking the clipboard in her hand.

Dan nods, trying not to fidget nervously. “His foster father, yes.”

She smiles at him. She seems kind, he thinks absently. “He’s stable now, so you’re welcome back to see him if you’d like.”

“Perfect!” Dan says, unable to mask his excitement. He turns to find Phil hovering a few feet away, like he feels awkward about being near Dan. “We can see him,” he says, voice washed with relief.

Phil’s just about to speak when the nurse interrupts. “It’s immediate family only, actually,” she says, her tone apologetic.

Dan blinks at her. Before he has a chance to speak, Phil snorts. “Well, he’s my fiance. I think that’s about as immediate as it gets.” The nurse looks a little abashed, and Dan can’t help but smirk a little. “Can we see our son now?”

She doesn’t argue, nodding quickly and gesturing to the doors. Dan glances over to the seats where Levi and Amelia are sitting, watching them with wide, impatient looks. “Those are his siblings, may they come back as well?” Dan asks, overly polite on purpose.

The nurse glances at them and nods. “It’ll have to be a quick visit before we move him to a different room.”

Dan and Phil share a glance and wordlessly, Phil heads over to the kids to bring them along, while Dan focuses on that bit of information. “Does that mean he has to stay?”

She looks apologetic. “Just for a few hours. The doctor wants to monitor his levels for a while to make sure this was an isolated incident.”

“Does that mean you think it’ll happen again?” Dan asks, panicking once more.

“No, not necessarily,” She’s quick to reassure him. “But because of how intense the attack was, we wanted to make sure there aren’t any underlying causes. We’ll need to know a bit more about his medical history, if you can provide it, so we know if this is a rare occurrence or not.”

Dan’s about to say something about how little they know about the children’s medical history prior to them moving in, but then Phil is there with Levi and Amelia, who are more than ready to see their brother. He offers Phil a small smile, reaching out to squeeze his hand briefly as the nurse begins leading them through the doors and down a brightly-lit corridor.

They’ve nearly reached the end of the corridor when the nurse stops and opens a door. “Jaiden, there’s someone here to see you,” she says in a gentle voice, stepping back and allowing them to walk inside. Dan makes sure to send her a grateful smile as he steps past her, his eyes immediately darting to scan his child for injuries. Despite the fact he wasn’t visibly injured when Dan brought him in, it feels like centuries have passed since then, and Dan’s already expecting the worst.

He worries for nothing, though. Jaiden looks much better than he had earlier, although he does look rather exhausted, even as his eyes light up at seeing them. “Daddy!” he calls, reaching his arms out for them.

Dan can’t stop the sniffling noise he makes, but he tries to laugh it off, blinking the dampness from his eyes as he goes to sit on the edge of the bed and pull the child into a hug. “Hi, bubby. I was so worried about you.”

Jaiden nuzzles into his chest. Dan melts. “Sorry, Daddy,” he says sweetly.

“You don’t have to apologize, Jai. It’s not your fault,” Dan says as he gently strokes a hand over Jaiden’s hair. He glances over to see Phil standing there watching them, a relieved smile on his face. Dan reaches out without a second thought, tugging on Phil’s sleeve.

Phil moves closer, grasping one of Jaiden’s hands and giving him a grin. “You gave us a real scare, little man,” he says, his voice teasing. “You know that little boys in hospital get a toy, right?”

Jaiden shrugs sheepishly. “Well… Now that you mention it…” He trails off, and everyone in the room shares a laugh.

Dan glances behind them, waving Levi and Amelia closer to the bed. “Come here, guys. Jaiden’s fine.”

“Hey, Jai,” Levi says softly as he steps closer. Jaiden reaches for him, So Phil and Dan both make some room for Levi and Amelia to have a moment with him. Amelia climbs right up next to him and starts asking him questions about what kind of toy he wants to get, completely forgetting anything concerning the injury that brought him here in the first place. Dan’s relieved and also mortified at that.

The nurse doesn’t let them stay for long. After less than ten minutes, she’s back and ushering them out, saying that Jaiden is about to be moved to a different room. The look of panic that flashes on Jaiden’s face breaks Dan’s heart all over again, but he forces himself to wave and smile brightly. “You’ll be alright, buddy. We’ll be with you as soon as they get you situated, yeah?” Jaiden manages a nod at this, and then the nurse is shooing them out, back to the waiting room.

~~~

They’re just walking back through the doors into the waiting room while they wait for Jaiden to be transferred to a new room when Dan’s gaze catches on a familiar face. He shares a look with Phil, who seems to get the message immediately.

“Hey, guys, why don’t we go see if there’s a snack machine somewhere, yeah?” Phil says, gently guiding them in the opposite direction.

Levi gives Dan a funny look, while Amelia remains distracted by the prospect of food. Dan offers a reassuring smile before making his way towards Hazel, who’s stood at the receptionist desk writing down information on a clipboard.

“Hazel, hi,” Dan greets, giving an awkward wave.

She glances up at him and smiles brightly. “Daniel! Lovely to see you again, although I’m sure we both wish it were under different circumstances.”

Dan nods, scratching at his collarbone nervously. “Yeah. We weren’t really sure what protocol was for something like this... Thank you for taking the time to stop by.”

Hazel waves her hand with a huff of laughter. “It’s no trouble. I knew there’d be information you two wouldn’t have and a check up was coming up anyway.”

Nodding again, Dan glances over at Phil and the kids, his throat tightening at the thought of how much worse this day could have been. “I’m just really happy he’s okay,” he says quietly.

Hazel gives him a sympathetic sort of smile. “You know...” she starts, slowly and carefully. “The children are technically wards of court.”

Dan’s neck nearly snaps when he glances up at her. “What?”

She does that sympathetic thing again, this time accompanied by a slow nod. “Well… Due to the… special circumstances of their case, the judge ordered a special hearing and came to a decision about the status of their case early.” She takes a deep breath. “Their parents’ rights have been terminated. So technically... with the right paperwork... you and Phil could file for legal guardianship.”

Dan blinks. His brain is still stuck on the idea that their biological parents now legally have no rights to see them, but then he registers the last thing she’d said. “So, like... adoption?” His voice pitches up nervously at the end.

She nods, glancing down at the form she’s abandoned and writing a few more notes before handing it back to the nurse. “Exactly. You don’t have to, of course, but that just means the agenda changes from trying to keep them in foster care to finding a family to adopt them.”

Dan feels sick. “We... I don’t know if Phil...” he shakes his head, trying desperately to knock his brain cells into each other to produce a thought. “Why were their parents’ rights terminated?” He asks finally.

For the first time since they started speaking, Hazel frowns, looking away briefly. “I actually think that might be something we discuss with Phil,” she says quietly.

Dan’s heart is in his throat as he makes his way over to Phil and the kids, who’ve evidently found a snack machine, as they’re currently feasting on several things Dan will reprimand Phil for later. “Hey, could you come here a second?” He says to Phil, tugging his sleeves down over his hands.

Phil glances between him and Hazel in confusion before slowly nodding. “I’ll be right back, guys. Levi, protect Jaiden’s candy bar, okay?”

Levi nods, tucking it into his jacket pocket and sticking his tongue out at Amelia when she pouts. He doesn’t seem to be concerned about whatever’s going on, and Dan allows himself to feel relieved that they won’t have to worry the teen about yet another thing. Dan leads the way back over to where Hazel’s waiting, trying to control his breathing before he starts crying. Phil, ever observant, slides his hand into Dan’s, squeezing three short times. Dan breathes a little easier.

“Phil, it’s good to see you again,” Hazel says, her voice dropped into something less exciting and more resigned. Dan’s heart does another squeeze, already ready for the worst.

“You too, Hazel,” Phil says, smiling at her. He squeezes Dan’s hand once more. “So...” he trails off, clearly implying that she should explain herself.

She nods. “So, like I told Dan, the children’s parents have had their rights terminated.” She pauses, as if she’s allowing him a moment to process it. Phil’s a smart man, though, so he just nods for her to continue, his face not giving away a single thought going through his head. “There’s a few options now. We can move the children to another temporary foster home while we look for a permanent adoptive family, or they can stay with you while we conduct the interviews for a potential family.”

Phil nods. He doesn’t even look at Dan as he asks, “Is there another option?”

She looks pleased. “You two can petition for legal guardianship.”

Phil has the same clarifying moment Dan had. “We can adopt them?” The hope in his voice nearly buckles Dan’s knees. The idea of this being permanent is something he can’t compartmentalize right now.

Hazel nods. “You could, yes.”

Before Phil can say anything else that makes Dan’s heart hurt, he interrupts. “You said something about why their parents’ rights were terminated. I want to know more about that,” he reminds her, trying to keep his voice quiet but firm.

Her face drops back into something sad and uncomfortable. “Right,” she says with a nod. She glances at the children, probably to make sure they can’t hear, then turns slightly so their conversation remains more private. “They had a very... a very difficult home life. I know there weren’t a lot of details given at the time, because there was still some investigation going on, but the very short version is they were being neglected and abused.”

Dan’s heart stops. He’s sure of it. Phil, probably unthinkingly, tightens his grip on Dan’s hand. “In what way?” Phil says, his voice almost eerily calm.

Hazel hesitates, clearly debating on what to say. “Well...” she starts slowly. “First of all, Levi doesn’t share the same father as the twins. His biological father is deceased, and he knows that the man who raised him wasn’t his real dad.”

Dan’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Then why do they have the same surname?”

She cringes at the question. “Well, according to what their mother said, his bio father didn’t want anything to do with him and asked that he be left off the birth certificate. Her husband was just her boyfriend at the time, but he signed it instead.”

Dan looks away, his eyes misting. His heart aches with the thought that Levi has had nothing but shitty people who didn’t want him from the beginning. Those children deserved the world, but from the sounds of it, evidently their biological parents didn’t believe so.

“And after that?” Phil asks. “When did the abuse happen?” He sounds mad to Dan’s trained ear, but he knows Hazel will probably just read that as concern.

“Their mother had some issues, an addiction to prescription meds was one of them. She didn’t really...” she pauses, glancing between the two of them like she’s worried they can’t handle it. Dan blinks at her. “Their mother wasn’t really present, even when she was there with them. And apparently the father was a bit of a drinker, and violent. You can piece together about how that went.”

Dan can’t stop the tears, and he tries to pull away from Phil to take a moment, but Phil grabs his sleeve and tugs him in for a hug. He’s probably craving the comfort just as much as giving it, but Dan allows it. “And was it just all the time? He just beat them, all the time?” Phil asks, his voice shaking.

Hazel shakes her head. “No, no. The report says it didn’t get very bad until about two years ago, when the dad lost his job. Levi... well, Levi started getting into fights a lot at school and eventually when they got him to a counselor he admitted that their father was beating him.”

Dan catches on the last sentence, the last word. “Him?” He reiterates. “He was just hitting Levi?”

She looks uncomfortable, but nods. “Levi apparently told the counselor that he hid the kids in the closet or somewhere so he couldn’t get to them, but he ended up putting himself in danger when he did that.” She pauses, but Dan can tell there’s more. “He also told her he was trying to get into fights to cover up the fact that he was showing up to school with fresh bruises every day.”

Dan swears, hiding his face against Phil’s shoulder as he lets out a shuddering breath. “I can’t believe...” he cuts himself off with a sob. Phil’s arms tighten around his shoulders, and he hears the quiet sound of Phil apologizing half-heartedly to Hazel.

“Shh, Dan. It’s... they’re safe now. Yeah? They’re safe.” Phil’s voice is quiet and calm in his ear, and for the second time today, the sound of it is enough to calm Dan out of a panic attack.

Slightly embarrassed, Dan pulls away, wiping at his face with his sleeve in a disgusting manner. “Thank you for telling us the truth, Hazel,” he says to her, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

She nods, looking more apologetic and guilty than he’s ever seen her. “I hated that we couldn’t tell you at the beginning, but there was a lot we didn’t know, and until the investigation was finished there was only so much information we could share.”

“I understand,” Dan says, even though he thinks he doesn’t, not really. “Thank you for telling us now.”

“How long do we have to think about adoption?” Phil asks out of nowhere, almost as if he’s been in a daze for the past few minutes.

Hazel glances between the two of them before shrugging. “Well we can give you a few weeks before we start actively looking for new adoptive parents, and we’ll let you know when that process starts so you have until then really to make your decision.”

Phil nods. He doesn’t look at Dan, instead shaking Hazel’s hand to say goodbye. “Thank you, Hazel. We really appreciate, well, everything.”

She smiles at him, and it looks much more relaxed. “Of course, anytime you need me, just call.” She glances at Dan, who can only offer her a weak smile. “I do try to remain unbiased, but it’s very inspiring to see how much you two genuinely care for these children. I think you’d make the perfect family for them, if that’s what you decide.” With another smile and a squeeze of Dan’s arm, she’s gone, leaving them standing there alone to process her words.

“So-“ Phil starts, pulling his arm away from Dan slowly.

“I can’t- not yet, okay?” Dan interrupts, a little panicked at the idea of making any decisions right now. “I think we should talk about it at home.”

Phil studies him for a moment before nodding, leaning in and kissing Dan’s forehead. “Sure, love. We’ll talk later.”

Dan doesn’t bother hiding his relief as they make their way back over to where they’d left Levi and Amelia. His head is swimming with thoughts and he’s finding it hard to swim in all of it after the day he’s had. But with the most important people in his life watching, he forces himself to play the part of someone calm, cool, and relaxed.

~~~

When they finally move Jaiden to a room upstairs, Dan’s nerves manage to settle, if only a little bit. There’s something comforting in knowing that there are doctors and nurses around in case something does happen, and he’s more than relieved when a doctor comes to speak to them, informing them that everything is okay and they’ve confirmed Jaiden does in fact have asthma. Dan manages to stop his nervous pacing long enough to ask them if that means he needs an inhaler. The doctor smiles a little sadly, but nods.

“He’ll more than likely need at least an emergency inhaler with him from now on,” they say, nodding. “But, we do need to run some more tests to make sure we give him the correct kind, and to make sure there’s no scarring on his lungs or anything like that.”

Dan nods, sharing a look with Phil, who’s sat on the bed beside Jaiden. “Alright, thank you.”

The doctor smiles, giving Jaiden a high five. “You’re a brave little man,” they tell him, making Jaiden grin proudly. “Gave your dads a bit of a scare there, but we’ve got you all patched up, buddy,” they continue, grinning at Dan and Phil before stepping towards the door. “A nurse will be in shortly to take his vitals and blood for the tests we need to run. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Phil smiles and nods at them. “Right, thank you again. We really appreciate it.”

They nod, and with another smile at Jaiden they’re gone, back off down the corridor to treat someone else. Dan’s still trying to wrap his head around how they went this long without finding out about Jaiden’s asthma, but he’s distracted when he hears Levi asking a question.

“Can Mia and I go find the gift shop?” He asks, his voice hopeful.

Phil smiles at them, glancing at Dan before answering. When Dan gives a conceding shrug, Phil nods. “Sure, just stay together and try not to stay too long.” He pulls his wallet out then, handing Levi his credit card without blinking. “Just sign my name if they ask for a signature,” he says.

Levi looks shocked, glancing between Phil and the card, and then at Dan, as if it’s some sort of joke. Dan simply smiles and shrugs, so Levi nods, reaching out for Amelia’s hand and making their way out of the room. Dan looks over at Phil, quirking an eyebrow. Phil quirks one right back. “Watch them come back with literally the biggest stuffed bear in the world,” Dan says, rolling his eyes.

Phil shrugs with a vague smile. “It’s out of the goodness of their hearts, Dan,” Phil says, biting his full bottom lip to hide his smile.

Dan crosses his arms over his chest. “It’s out of your pocket, bub,” he retorts, mostly playful. He really didn’t think Levi would overspend that much.

Jaiden giggles. “I’d like a big stuffed bear, I think,” Jaiden offers, voice hopeful.

“I reckon you deserve a stuffed bear after today, huh?” Phil speaks softly, brushing the dark hair out of Jaiden’s eyes. Jaiden smiles a little sheepishly, but nods. Phil glances at Dan with a little smile.

Dan’s heart hurts. He steps over towards them, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Jaiden’s head. “We’re so glad you’re alright, Jai-bird,” he says softly.

Jaiden smiles up at him. “I’m fine, Daddy. Just tired. And a little bit hungry,” he confesses.

Dan and Phil share a laugh at that. It’s so very characteristic of him to say something like that, even after the day he’s had. Dan ruffles his hair softly. “I promise we’ll get you some food as soon as we leave here, yeah?”

“Burgers?” Jaiden asks, his voice hopeful.

Phil tugs on one of Dan’s belt loops, his eyes wide and excited when Dan looks at him. “I wouldn’t mind a burger either, Dan,” he says, his voice sweet.

Rolling his eyes, Dan makes a big show of sighing loudly. “Alright, alright. Burgers it is.”

“Thank you, bear.” Phil looks exceptionally pleased as he tugs Dan closer, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist in a loose hug. Dan’s arms automatically go around Phil’s neck, and he has the burning desire to press kisses to the blank canvas of his pale forehead. He doesn’t fully reign in that desire, but he satisfies it by dropping a kiss just above his left brow bone.

Turning to look at Jaiden, Dan makes an exasperated noise, shaking his head. “You’re both spoiled, you know,” he teases.

Phil makes a noise of protest, pulling away to pout up at Dan. “Am not,” he denies.

Dan tugs on a lock of hair right above his fingers. Phil cringes, but his lips quirk up in a smile. “Yes you are. Milkshakes at midnight, pizza almost every week, sneaking marshmallows, stealing-“

Phil presses his hand over Dan’s mouth. “If you say one word about the cereal, I swear-“

His threat is cut off by a yelp as Phil yanks his hand away. Dan grins.

“Dan,” Phil whines, wiping his wet hand on Dan’s sweater. “That’s disgusting.”

Dan pulls out of his grip, smirking. Jaiden giggles hysterically from where he’s laying on the bed, and Dan shares a smile with him. “That’s what you get, Phil. That’s a very important lesson for you to learn.”

Phil’s nose crinkles. “I can’t believe you licked my hand.”

A mischievous glint is in Dan’s eyes as he brings a hand up to pet Phil’s hair, a feigned sense of comfort in the motion. Phil leans into the touch, and Dan grins before quickly leaning in and licking a short stripe up the center of his forehead.

Jaiden is practically howling with laughter as Phil shoves Dan away, spluttering loudly and obnoxiously. “Daniel!” He screeches.

“Shh,” Dan warns through his own giggles. “Phil, be quiet, we’re in hospital,” he reprimands.

Phil shoots him a dirty look, crossing his arms in a pout.

Before he can counter with anything else, the door to Jaiden’s room swings open, causing the three of them to immediately go quiet, reigning in their horrible behavior in fear of a nurse coming to reprimand them, for sure. Dan feels like a child again.

They have no real reason for that fear, though, because Levi steps inside, looking at them with a suspicious look in his eyes. “What are you guys doing?” He asks, sounding concerned.

Dan bites his lip to stifle a laugh, glancing at Phil pointedly. Phil at least as the sense to look mildly embarrassed, shrugging sheepishly. “Er- Dan is being mean?” His words lilt up like a question, erasing any credibility his words might have had.

Levi glances at Dan, clearly confused. Dan shrugs. “I licked his hand.”

“You licked my forehead,” Phil adds, unnecessarily. He tugs at Dan’s shirt, and Dan bats his hand away weakly.

“Details, details,” he says dismissively. He grins at Levi, his eyes darting to Amelia to see what they got. “Wow. Is that for you or your brother?” Dan asks on a laugh.

Amelia looks sheepish as she moves towards the bed with the rather large stuffed toy. “Levi said I had to give it to Jai, ‘cause I’m not the one who got hurt.”

Dan nods, hiding a smile. “Well I’m sure Jaiden appreciates that, right bub?”

Jaiden’s grabbing for the plushy, his eyes bright and excited. “It’s so cool!” He says, his voice awed as she climbs onto the bed beside him, handing over the dinosaur toy. “Thanks,” he says, barely glancing at her.

Dan’s knee-jerk reaction to correct him into a more polite response is right there, but a light pinch to his waist redirects his attention. Phil’s giving him a look, almost like he’d read his mind. Dan stays quiet.

“Levi, my card?” Phil says, turning his head to look over at the teenager.

Levi looks confused for a moment, but when he remembers he looks vaguely embarrassed, digging into his front pocket. He produces the card, a receipt wrapped around it. Handing it over, he brushes his hair out of his eyes before mumbling quickly, “I just forgot. I wasn’t trying to steal it.”

Phil gives him a funny look. “I know that. I know you wouldn’t.” His voice is gentle and reassuring, but Levi doesn’t meet his eyes. “Were you okay using it?” He asks.

Levi nods, his eyes drifting. “It’s just, like. I haven’t really been allowed to spend money and stuff since before the group home.” He looks between Dan and the floor then, like he’s trying not to have this conversation with Phil there.

Before Dan can unpack that or say anything, Phil speaks, his fingers tapping out a rhythm against Dan’s thigh. “Would you like to have an allowance, Levi?”

The teenager looks surprised, glancing at Phil for real this time. “I- that’s not- I wasn’t like, asking for one, I just meant-“

“I know,” Phil rushes to reassure him. “I’m just asking you if you’d like one. You need to learn about how to budget and handle money anyway, and we’d be happy to get you a card for you to use.”

Levi looks shocked. “Er...” his eyes flicker to Dan, who only offers an encouraging smile. “Sure. Yeah, I’d... I’d really like that. Thanks.”

Phil smiles, an easy shrug on his shoulders. “Of course. Me or Dan will request a card and account sometime this week, yeah?”

Levi nods, moving to sit in the chair on the opposite side of Jaiden’s bed. He begins talking to the twins, and Dan sighs, focusing on Phil, who’s looking up at him with a pinched sort of expression. Dan loops his arms around his neck, tilting his head in a silent question. Phil only shakes his head, so Dan takes a moment to make sure the kids’ voices will drown him out before he leans in to whisper in Phil’s ear. “You okay?”

Phil nods, patting Dan’s hip, a little bit closer to his bum than he’d been before. Dan refuses to think about that. “Yeah. Sorry that I, like, did that without your permission.”

And that sort of makes Dan feel like an asshole. He tries to repress it, but Phil’s tone, and the words themselves, bring back very unwanted flashbacks of previous disagreements they’ve had over the course of fostering the kids. He cups a hand around the back of Phil’s neck, squeezing gently before leaning in and kissing his forehead.

“I’m not mad. I think it’s a great idea. I’ll check into making him an account Monday.” He kisses Phil’s temple this time, just for good measure. Phil smiles up at him. He doesn’t ask before tilting forward, leaving the tiniest of soft kisses on Dan’s lips. Dan’s heart flutters in the least platonic way there is, feeling on all accounts like a lovesick teenager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the TW scene with Hazel: essentially, all you need to know is that the children are now wards of state, meaning their parents' rights have been terminated, and they could now (theoretically) be adopted.   
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
